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Things My Mother Never Told Me
In his masterpiece of family literature, "And When Did You Last See Your Father?", Blake Morrison's mother appears as an intriguing but mostly silent figure. This is her startling and touching story - and a son's search to discover the truth about the remarkable Kerry girl who qualified as a doctor in Dublin in 1942, worked in British hospitals throughout the war, and then reinvented herself again to adapt to a quieter post-war family life. At the heart of the book, there's a passionate wartime love affair, seen through the frank, funny, furious letters his parents wrote during their courtship. It evokes a surprising picture of life and love in WWII. "Things my Mother Never Told Me" is a revealing and poignant anatomy of family conflict, love, war and finally marriage. Kim Morrison emerges quietly, magically form the shadows, a determined heroine for our times.
320 pages, Paperback
First published January 1, 2002
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244 people want to read
About the author
Blake Morrison
75 books65 followersBlake Morrison was educated at Nottingham University, McMaster University and University College, London. After working for the Times Literary Supplement, he went on to become literary editor of both The Observer and the Independent on Sunday before becoming a full-time writer in 1995.
A Fellow of the Royal Society of Literature, and former Chair of the Poetry Book Society and Vice-Chair of PEN, Blake has written fiction, poetry, journalism, literary criticism and libretti, as well as adapting plays for the stage. His best-known works are probably his two memoirs, "And When Did You Last See Your Father?" and "Things My Mother Never Told Me."
Since 2003, Blake has been Professor of Creative and Life Writing at Goldsmiths College. He lives in south London, with his wife and three children.
A Fellow of the Royal Society of Literature, and former Chair of the Poetry Book Society and Vice-Chair of PEN, Blake has written fiction, poetry, journalism, literary criticism and libretti, as well as adapting plays for the stage. His best-known works are probably his two memoirs, "And When Did You Last See Your Father?" and "Things My Mother Never Told Me."
Since 2003, Blake has been Professor of Creative and Life Writing at Goldsmiths College. He lives in south London, with his wife and three children.
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Displaying 1 - 24 of 24 reviews
July 9, 2018
Immediately and throughout, Blake Morrison conveys a mother’s courage, silence and love and I'm immersed in a life uncannily like my own.
Mothers often fail to mention the parts they play, leaving their children to piece together the truth. Letters from Morrison’s father (a Medical Officer stationed in Iceland and The Azores for the RAF in WWII) to a girlfriend complain of pointlessly wasted time (“oodled around”), tinkering with an old wireless, going to the beach, getting drunk, playing sport, and treating his whoring colleagues for VD. Evidently, this girlfriend contributes more to the war effort as a surgeon delivering babies and saving lives at home. The couple dreams of an end to their separation. The father (Protestant) promises this (Catholic) Irish girlfriend they will marry despite their parents’ total intolerance for the other religion.
Soon after the war ends, they are married in what the reader may feel is a confusion of love-sickness, fate, rebellion, duty and idealism. The author is born to them, and looking back on this childhood, finds himself on some level baffled. In this home, the father, archetypal, rules the roost and the mother, an archetypal “other half”, is forced to compromise far more than her religion. Father, a practical, extravert keen on fresh air and beer, works as a country GP, urging his wife to give up doctoring to focus on house-keeping. He acts “entitled”, as a speeding drunken driver and in a clandestine and denied extra-marital affair: he transgresses with impunity. Mother, a quiet and determined introvert, continues with little support to care for the family and work as a GP (supporting her husband’s practice) while suffering frequent bouts of migraine and ill-health.
We find the mother surrendered in the conflict, giving up her identity to accept the injustice and inequality. With his grudging ambivalence towards the father, we sense the author's love for the mother shining through: he took his mother’s side. Much like Morrison’s, my mother, also a thoughtful introvert GP, saw more action at home when she drove an ambulance in the blitz than my father who stewed pointlessly in Malta watching romantic films after failing his pilot training. A difference was the extent of my father’s blind and rebellious idealism that in the end defeated my mother’s capacity to hold us together.
The details may vary but a memoir as good as this tells the truth of a human heart to strengthen the reader in the certain knowledge they are not alone.
Mothers often fail to mention the parts they play, leaving their children to piece together the truth. Letters from Morrison’s father (a Medical Officer stationed in Iceland and The Azores for the RAF in WWII) to a girlfriend complain of pointlessly wasted time (“oodled around”), tinkering with an old wireless, going to the beach, getting drunk, playing sport, and treating his whoring colleagues for VD. Evidently, this girlfriend contributes more to the war effort as a surgeon delivering babies and saving lives at home. The couple dreams of an end to their separation. The father (Protestant) promises this (Catholic) Irish girlfriend they will marry despite their parents’ total intolerance for the other religion.
Soon after the war ends, they are married in what the reader may feel is a confusion of love-sickness, fate, rebellion, duty and idealism. The author is born to them, and looking back on this childhood, finds himself on some level baffled. In this home, the father, archetypal, rules the roost and the mother, an archetypal “other half”, is forced to compromise far more than her religion. Father, a practical, extravert keen on fresh air and beer, works as a country GP, urging his wife to give up doctoring to focus on house-keeping. He acts “entitled”, as a speeding drunken driver and in a clandestine and denied extra-marital affair: he transgresses with impunity. Mother, a quiet and determined introvert, continues with little support to care for the family and work as a GP (supporting her husband’s practice) while suffering frequent bouts of migraine and ill-health.
We find the mother surrendered in the conflict, giving up her identity to accept the injustice and inequality. With his grudging ambivalence towards the father, we sense the author's love for the mother shining through: he took his mother’s side. Much like Morrison’s, my mother, also a thoughtful introvert GP, saw more action at home when she drove an ambulance in the blitz than my father who stewed pointlessly in Malta watching romantic films after failing his pilot training. A difference was the extent of my father’s blind and rebellious idealism that in the end defeated my mother’s capacity to hold us together.
The details may vary but a memoir as good as this tells the truth of a human heart to strengthen the reader in the certain knowledge they are not alone.
January 22, 2022
Utterly fascinating memoir based on letters written between a female, Irish, catholic, doctor, surgeon in the UK and a British male, Church of England, doctor at the RAF (far far from the war) during the Second World War.
Unfortunately for me, the man -later father of the author- is an absolute ass with ideas that suited his time, and with a level of condescension you’d want to scream to the woman “leave! LEAVE!”.
It’s fascinating because their correspondence is touching upon daily lives, she working large parts at the “women is wards” and “babies wards” gives a stunning insight in mortality, his postings in rampant sexual transmittable diseases and boredom (and a possible link).
Unfortunately for me, the man -later father of the author- is an absolute ass with ideas that suited his time, and with a level of condescension you’d want to scream to the woman “leave! LEAVE!”.
It’s fascinating because their correspondence is touching upon daily lives, she working large parts at the “women is wards” and “babies wards” gives a stunning insight in mortality, his postings in rampant sexual transmittable diseases and boredom (and a possible link).
March 31, 2019
Kept my interest though not for the reasons I had thought it would when I first bought the book. I had thought it would be a real WW 2 "how we got through it" kind of a read but it turned out to be more of a mystery of sorts, for the author, the mystery being his Mom and her growing up years in Ireland. The author's mother had successfully hidden so much of her past life, for reasons that, in this day, make very little sense. The author draws a shaky conclusion that his mother was ashamed of her Irishness although the family was not dirt poor as were so many others. There were other revelations that came basically through old letters the mother and father had exchanged during the war, before they were married, and as they both practiced medicine in various cities and countries. A riveting read.
August 30, 2008
this is the second book i've read that had glowing, over-the-top blurbs from british newspapers and left me cold. that should teach me. started reading, then ending up skimming the rest. interesting for the sense of how strong anti-irish, anti-catholic sentiment was amongst brits in 1940s wartime.
December 23, 2024
I found the start of this book to be a slow start, either my inability to concentrate or the book failing to pull me in. I wasn't sure whether I could read a whole book reading about a potential couple's engagement and the possibility of marriage.
For me this changed in the latter third of the novel as this became more probable and as the years went by.
I loved Blake Morrison's honesty about his connection with his mother and as his distance from his mum eased.
For me this changed in the latter third of the novel as this became more probable and as the years went by.
I loved Blake Morrison's honesty about his connection with his mother and as his distance from his mum eased.
April 7, 2021
I liked this a lot. Honest, beautifully-written and full of historical insight. I also found it deeply depressing in what it said about women's lives in the 20th century, even to the expectations of the men they brought up. Absolutely fascinating detail on the lives of medics and the treatment they gave pre-NHS, pre- abortion legalisation and pre-antibiotics
June 7, 2025
A fascinating account of an Irish woman’s life and struggles in a time of religious bigotry and misogyny. She seems to have been a strong character. Like other readers, I wonder why she chose such a man to marry. Thoroughly enjoyed learning about her and her family.
September 17, 2020
Remarkable story.
November 21, 2020
I struggled with this story, found it hard to keep my attention focused on what was going. But as I see glowing reviews, maybe I miss something.
August 22, 2021
I liked it but not the war stuff
July 22, 2020
This is an investigation into Blake Morrison's mother's past, her childhood and courtship with his father. After her death, the author discusses their mother's background with his sister and realises that they can't remember where she came from or how many brothers and sisters she had, as she seemed to have completely erased her Irish identity and history. Having already written a memoir about his father's life, Morrison decides to investigate his mother's life and his parents' relationship, as he is intrigued about what secrets her past might hold to make her so reticent, and also to explain her ability to accept his father's infidelity and overbearing manner.
Fortunately Blake's father had kept the complete correspondence between his wife, Kim and himself, Arthur, containing letters written almost daily for several years before they were married, when they were separated by WWII. Both parents were doctors, and while Kim stayed in England building up a career in surgery and obstetrics, Arthur was posted to various far-flung posts as an RAF doctor, including Iceland and the Azores, both of which postings left him with little to do, mostly treating minor injuries and illnesses. It must have been difficult after the war for women to give up their independence as men returned, expecting to go back to their old jobs and status. It seems shocking that Arthur expected Kim to start being a housewife at the end of the war, despite her education and expertise: "Oh I do wish you were looking after our home and forgetting medicine - and surgery."
The book raises some interesting questions about this generation, and I can see many comparisons with my own family which has me wondering. One of the central themes of the book is the way in which Kim and Arthur reconciled their differences concerning their religion, Kim being an Irish Roman Catholic and Arthur brought up in the Church of England. This seemed to be an impossible barrier for the couple, and yet they eventually did decide to marry, and from that point on Kim more or less suppressed her religion, even though it was deeply part of her, yet anti-Catholicism was ingrained in Arthur's family and British society in general. In regard to this, the author makes an insightful comment: "Perhaps the point about the truly prejudiced is that they don't know they are prejudiced; instead of holding beliefs, they merely inhabit them, without self-consciousness." Mixed marriages were only acceptable if they took place in a RC church (and no second wedding in an Anglican church), and if the children were brought up as Catholics. This intrigues me, as my parents were in the same situation, although the Irish connection was third generation, and I wonder if there was as much soul-searching as went on with Morrison's parents. In both cases, the result was a secular upbringing, which just goes to show the Catholic priests were right to worry about it!
In all, this was a fascinating insight into a courtship during the Second World War, although naturally the author, unable to question his parents, has to speculate at their true motives, and wonders whether they revealed the whole truth in their letters. He remains perplexed by Kim's passivity, and mourns for the person he believes she could and should have been, in different circumstances. The letters are extensively quoted, and Morrison comments on the language and slang used at the time. Fascinating.
Fortunately Blake's father had kept the complete correspondence between his wife, Kim and himself, Arthur, containing letters written almost daily for several years before they were married, when they were separated by WWII. Both parents were doctors, and while Kim stayed in England building up a career in surgery and obstetrics, Arthur was posted to various far-flung posts as an RAF doctor, including Iceland and the Azores, both of which postings left him with little to do, mostly treating minor injuries and illnesses. It must have been difficult after the war for women to give up their independence as men returned, expecting to go back to their old jobs and status. It seems shocking that Arthur expected Kim to start being a housewife at the end of the war, despite her education and expertise: "Oh I do wish you were looking after our home and forgetting medicine - and surgery."
The book raises some interesting questions about this generation, and I can see many comparisons with my own family which has me wondering. One of the central themes of the book is the way in which Kim and Arthur reconciled their differences concerning their religion, Kim being an Irish Roman Catholic and Arthur brought up in the Church of England. This seemed to be an impossible barrier for the couple, and yet they eventually did decide to marry, and from that point on Kim more or less suppressed her religion, even though it was deeply part of her, yet anti-Catholicism was ingrained in Arthur's family and British society in general. In regard to this, the author makes an insightful comment: "Perhaps the point about the truly prejudiced is that they don't know they are prejudiced; instead of holding beliefs, they merely inhabit them, without self-consciousness." Mixed marriages were only acceptable if they took place in a RC church (and no second wedding in an Anglican church), and if the children were brought up as Catholics. This intrigues me, as my parents were in the same situation, although the Irish connection was third generation, and I wonder if there was as much soul-searching as went on with Morrison's parents. In both cases, the result was a secular upbringing, which just goes to show the Catholic priests were right to worry about it!
In all, this was a fascinating insight into a courtship during the Second World War, although naturally the author, unable to question his parents, has to speculate at their true motives, and wonders whether they revealed the whole truth in their letters. He remains perplexed by Kim's passivity, and mourns for the person he believes she could and should have been, in different circumstances. The letters are extensively quoted, and Morrison comments on the language and slang used at the time. Fascinating.
February 2, 2009
I hadn't read Blake Morrison's first autobiographical book about his father but I really enjoyed this one. It tells of how he uncovers the story behind his mother and father's romance and how he comes to understand how much his mother had hidden from him - how life for a female, Irish, Catholic GP in forties and fifties England wasn't always easy - and how much she changed to 'fit in' with his father's -and society's - point of view. A really interesting book which tells you quite alot about wartime and post-war England.
November 20, 2014
This was an interesting read. It is pieced together primarily via letters written between Blake's mother and father (before they were married) during WWII. I enjoy seeing slices of lives and times from other places and eras. Morrison's memoir about his father was made into a movie that I have on my 'to watch' list (When did you last see your father. with Colin Firth).
"Great poetry slows us down. It makes us concentrate on minutiae which prove, on close inspection, less minute." Blake Morrison, Things my mother never told me.
"Great poetry slows us down. It makes us concentrate on minutiae which prove, on close inspection, less minute." Blake Morrison, Things my mother never told me.
August 13, 2016
The writing of this is really beautiful in some parts, but I can't help thinking Morrison needed an editor. For me, he lingers a little much over some of the letters contents - couldn't help feeling a bit bored in some sections. But, his portrait of his mother is really affecting - kind of a wonderful poetry and awful sadness in her throwing over everything about herself for a man you (and I'm sure, he) suspects wasn't quite worth it. I'll have to read 'And When Did You Last See Your Father?' at some point. General recommendation, but yeah, it can be a slog.
October 1, 2007
This is a brilliant sequel to :When did you last See your father? It goes back to how Morrisons mother and father met during the war,and uses their wartime letters to tell the story.I just found the story of how his mother kind of left her catholic upbringing behind her to marry his father and become a GP in yorkshire very compelling.Blake Morrison always draws you in with his frank and honest descriptions of ordinary people.I have not read any of his other books but these two.
October 8, 2014
Having enjoyed his book about his father about 10 years ago I expected to be sucked right into this from the start. However I found this one harder to appreciate, although once I got over a third through I found it went quite quickly to the end. I was left with the feeling (as I had been at the end of 'When did you last see your father' that I wouldn't have liked his father much, and I'm not sure about his mother.
July 23, 2010
A touching biography of a fascinating woman. What makes this book stand out is the way in which Morrison draws our attention to his methods. Because he knew so little about his mother in her own life, we as readers feel as if we are going on the same journey as him.
August 2, 2011
Very well written. Interested to read the other book he wrote about his father (being it seems his favourite parent was his mother) He did quite well to be (or at least seem) objective about a subject very very close to him.
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December 14, 2007Dutch editor: Lolies van Grunsven
March 27, 2009
I found this book funny, very moving and a thoroughly interesting book.
May 30, 2010
Another very good book by Blake Morrison. Almost as good as "When did you last see your father", but not quite.
August 6, 2023
Going back to the well once too often.
January 1, 2013
A very interesting book about the author's mother and her life
June 5, 2018
A very good memoir of his mother's life, drawn largely through an archive of wartime letters kept by his father. Sticks in the mind because of the strange self-effacement his mother carries out throughout her life, denying her own religion, culture and feelings.
Displaying 1 - 24 of 24 reviews