When a Loved One Won't Seek Mental Health Treatment: How to Promote Recovery and Reclaim Your Family's Well-Being

by C. Alec Pollard, Gail Steketee (Foreword), Melanie VanDyke

Escape the “family trap,” help your loved one on the road to recovery, and take back your life.

If you have a family member who suffers from mental illness, but refuses to seek treatment, you may feel like you’re caught in a trap. If you try making life easier for your loved one, you wind up perpetuating dependency and entitlement. If you push for treatment, you are met with resistance or outright animosity. And when you reach out to professionals for help, you are told that nothing can be done unless your family member is ready to change. So, how can you escape the “family trap?”

Written by clinicians and introducing the innovative family well-being approach (FWBA), this essential guide provides validation and doable strategies for anyone who feels trapped by a family member or loved one suffering from mental illness. Using the skills in this book, you’ll learn how your responses to your loved one can worsen and even perpetuate the very problems you are trying to resolve. You’ll also discover ways to promote healthy behavior in recovery avoiders, but only after the whole family is emotionally and strategically prepared to follow through successfully.

The family well-being approach outlined in this book is based on established principles of behavior change, family interaction research, and more than three decades of clinical experience. If you’re feeling caught in a trap with a loved one who won’t seek help—also known as a recovery avoider—this practical guide can help you find your way out, once and for all.

217 pages, Kindle Edition

Published May 1, 2024

Reviews

[AnnaMaria]

3.5 rounded up

I was drawn to this title because (I'm sure like everyone else) there are some people in my life who I feel like would benefit from mental health professionals and their actions definitely take a toll on me (not anyone reading this review tho dw)

Going into it I wanted tips on how to maybe stay present or radical acceptance for other behaviours or something else I've missed for dealing with that dealing with the 'in the moment' stress and maybe ways to get that other person to reflect.

This book seems to be for more for people who have that family member in their life relying on them, whether it be a parent and a kid, or a husband and wife, and in the books own words preaches 'tough love' as in making your needs known and letting the other person suffer the consequences of their actions by not swooping in and making sure everything goes 'right'.

While this isn't bad advice, for my particular situation I wouldn't say it's the most helpful either, which is why I'm only giving it 3.5 stars. As I say with every self-help adjacent book, they're most effective when they're targeted towards you, and I am not the target audience here. But I'm sure this is a good resource for someone out there.

[Elizabeth]

This book can be summed up quickly as change what you can (yourself and nothing else) and have healthy boundaries (a word that never gets used though that's what it's about). Set up a system of natural consequences and desired rewards for your loved one. While this will work in some cases, I've seen others where it doesn't. This system and book are also primarily designed for a family member who is living within your home and is dependent on you. It's also best for people who have done very little therapy on themselves or with their loved ones to this point.

If you have an autoimmune disease, be aware that they use a case study that downplays the physical aspect of autoimmune disease and works with all the societal prejudice against those with autoimmune conditions. The person in this case was refusing therapy, and therapy is indicated because ACES scores for those with autoimmune disease are high. However, the intolerance of the family's behavior towards their loved one was really offensive.

[Anastasia]

A quite useful book for people, who live with a recovery avoiding person. I really think it has the right message we all forget sometimes: “Should an emergency situation occur, you need to put your own oxygen mask on first, before attempting to help those around you.”
I'm even thinking of sending the book to my mom once it's published, so she can read it and MAAAAAAYBE take something out of it.

[Michelle Massi]

This is a must have book for families struggling to help a loved one with mental health issues, especially if your loved one refuses to get help. This book teaches family members how to reclaim their life.

[Heather Greenawalt]

Excellent resource to help families stuck in the trap of accommodation.
This guide provides excellent information, support and guidance to help shift family dynamics toward recovery and wellness.

[Teresa McDonald]

Very relatable book