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Good and Angry: Exchanging Frustration for Character …in You and Your Kids!
Parents often feel angry when their children do the wrong things. But responding to children in anger rarely brings about the desired result and can even have a damaging effect instead. Yet anger doesn’t have to be the enemy. It can be a trigger that makes parents even more effective. Dr. Scott Turansky and Joanne Miller show them how.
Recognizing the very real emotions parents feel, Good and Angry taps into the constructive side of parents’ anger and teaches welcome strategies for addressing the things their children do to drive them crazy. Addressing common problem areas for children–such as annoying behavior, lying, not following instructions, and bad attitudes–this book outlines seven routines that will help children improve in these areas and allow them to thrive in their relationship with parents and with others.
In Good and Angry, moms and dads will come to understand anger’s true purpose and how they can use it successfully in their day-to-day parenting. They will also learn new approaches that will solve many common problems and, in the process, help both them and their children grow closer to God.
Recognizing the very real emotions parents feel, Good and Angry taps into the constructive side of parents’ anger and teaches welcome strategies for addressing the things their children do to drive them crazy. Addressing common problem areas for children–such as annoying behavior, lying, not following instructions, and bad attitudes–this book outlines seven routines that will help children improve in these areas and allow them to thrive in their relationship with parents and with others.
In Good and Angry, moms and dads will come to understand anger’s true purpose and how they can use it successfully in their day-to-day parenting. They will also learn new approaches that will solve many common problems and, in the process, help both them and their children grow closer to God.
257 pages, Paperback
First published September 17, 2002
81 people are currently reading
618 people want to read
About the author
Scott Turansky
30 books13 followersScott Turansky has been a pastor and missionary for more than 33 years and is an author of several books. In addition to pastoring full time, Scott also conducts parenting seminars on Saturdays around the United States (effectiveparenting.org). He is the cofounder of the National Center for Biblical Parenting (biblicalparenting.org) and has co-authored four books.
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 48 reviews
August 23, 2020
I've read a few parenting books in my time, but this one was far and away the most practical and helpful. It's not as much about anger management as the title suggests, although that's part of it. It's more about developing routines to handle the various parenting challenges that arise and to help grow character in your children. We've implemented some of the strategies in our family over the past couple months and have seen growth in all of us, parents included. I particularly appreciated the solid Biblical foundation and emphasis on godly character development as an attitude of the heart and not just an outward behavior modification.
May 11, 2020
This has been incredibly helpful for me. I’ve moved through it slowly, while working on applying what I’ve learned along the way. It’s sometimes hard to remember to move into a constructive response when discipline is necessary, and the things I’ve learned here have been incredibly helpful. The chapters on honesty, dealing with annoying behaviors, and bitterness were especially good. I will say that I don’t perfectly agree with Turansky and/or Scott’s views on some of the scriptures/theology mentioned. None of that affected the application of the helpful information in the book though.
“Yelling is a usually a sign that a parent doesn’t have a plan.” If that’s you, give this book a try.
“Yelling is a usually a sign that a parent doesn’t have a plan.” If that’s you, give this book a try.
December 29, 2017
This is about promoting character formation in the family through virtue-enforcing habits and emotional intelligence. I personally have no taste for parenting books, but this wasn't bad (well, too many personal anecdotes and cheesy testimonies for my taste... but really I must say some good content!). It's written from a Christian perspective, but it's not full of Christianese or over-spiritualization. I will readily recommend it as a worthwhile resource on family life and discipline.
May 28, 2023
An excellent parenting book, even as my kids are into their teen years. All too often, I find myself parenting angry. I truly appreciate the authors' reminder that me being angry will not grow great kids. As parents, WE are growing, right asking with our children. I've enjoyed every book by Turansky and Miller that I've read!
February 14, 2021
I clearly didn’t look closely enough that this book when I picked it up from the Goodwill bookshelf. As someone who is NOT religious, lapsed Roman Catholic here yall, I literally couldn’t finish the first chapter.
This book felt unhelpful and dripping of religious tones.
This book felt unhelpful and dripping of religious tones.
March 20, 2024
Probably my all-time favorite parenting book. So much practical, biblical wisdom!!
November 20, 2017
The most practical, insightful, encouraging and applicable parenting book I have read. It has been my 'bible' for my CHALLENGING young child. Learning how to be less angry and more empowered to have a plan to develop character in my children. Learning to take the time to discipline that not only changes the short term behavior but also the heart, the long-term character building. Especially powerful were two chapters...how to help kids who lack self control and sensitivity, and how to help kids with 'wrong thinking attitudes'. This is not an over-night fix. This is a marathon. I have been to the authors' parenting seminars a long time ago and I thought this book would hit the nail on the head and it completely did. Now I almost feel joy when my child acts up, because I feel armed and ready to chisel away at the issue and develop lasting character. If you have a challenging kid that makes your blood start to boil, I highly recommend this book for you.
January 2, 2019
The third anger management book I've read in the last six months or so, and my favorite. What I loved the most about it is that it spells out what to do, how to channel your frustrations into plans for specific actions. There are anecdotes and examples, so you aren't just stuck thinking, "Well that sounds really good, but what do I actually do?" (How I feel reading "gentle parenting" books such as those by Alfie Kohn.) This isn't a gentle parenting book--more of what you'd think of as "authoritative" (as opposed to "authoritarian") parenting--but it's easy to tweak for a gentler style, because for the most part the authors do try to look for win-win scenarios and ways to respect both parent and child.
April 18, 2019
This book emphasized that while anger is good for identifying problems, it is not good for solving them. Good advice for both parents and children! I appreciated that it placed an emphasis on what's going on in a child's heart instead of just behavior and compliance. It encourages parents to view children as works in progress instead of finished products and gives grace all around. Most of the strategies in it will be familiar to anyone with teacher training, but it remains a useful and encouraging book for any parent.
March 16, 2021
I read through this book slowly and really tried to take it in and to heart. My copy is filled with underlines and book darts- so much wisdom and great, practical suggestions on what to say or do to address all the moments that leave a parent angry and reactive. It goes above and beyond parenting philosophy or theology (where many books I’ve read like this tend to stay) and instead offers actionable steps. Lots of Scripture throughout and Grace extended for parents and children alike. Highly recommend for any parent feeling overwhelmed or tired of finding themselves angrily parenting.
January 12, 2023
This is a book I would keep on my shelf to reference and I would even be willing to say I’d read it through a second time which is rare for me. The last 2 chapters were especially convicting and challenging to me as a parent in reference to some areas I need to work on in myself in order to bring more peace to our home and lead my children in a Godly way.
August 19, 2019
I have been a parent for 23 years and this was one of the most helpful books I have ever read! If you have any difficulty dealing with anger either in yourself or in your child...applying the principles in this book will transform your family!
January 11, 2021
Relatable. Helpful. Lots of scripture. One of my favorite quotes: "The difference between a discussion has to do with relationship. When the issue becomes more important than the people discussing it, the discussing has turned into an argument."
March 14, 2017
Very helpful.
February 16, 2019
Changed my way of parenting. Great read!
May 10, 2020
So many great perspectives that help change approaching struggles with myself and my kids.
May 14, 2020
Muy práctico. Lo lei pensando que me iba a enseñar como lidiar con el carácter de mis hijos, pero me mostro cuanto tengo que cambiar yo, primero. Excelente
June 5, 2021
I thought that this book was, overall, a really helpful book. Recommended.
May 14, 2014
The thirty-forth book I have finished this year.
I like the emphasis on having a plan for everything. (Of course I am a "Boeing guy." When we were teamed with Lockheed we used to say they could not develop a plan to save their lives, and they used to say we could not go to the bathroom without a plan. O.K. - this may not be relevant, but it came back to me.)
It would be swell is Christianity were to acknowledge how much it took from Stoicism, but that is just unrealistic. Christians seem to believe that they invented everything.
"Dialogue" is a noun: its use as a verb us just yucky.
p. 92. The working at home hazard.
p. 101. Learning to live within boundaries would have helped the protagonist in "The Woman Upstairs." The book advocates teaching children to accept limits as children, so it will be easier for them to accept limits as adults. The alternative, or course, is to spoil them now and let them adjust as adults.
p. 106. addresses the hazards of too much explanation, that arise with the approach that is inherent in this book.
p. 126. addresses balanced between "discussions" and "obey first, then we'll talk about it."
p. 128-129. . . . and choose strategic bible verses to memorize . . .
See also p. 197 Teach About Honesty
p. 157. Self-control is the ability to control myself so that Mom and Dad don't have to.
p. 158. When parents get fed up with a behavior, they often sentence a child to her room, take away a privilege, or give a heavy dose of angry words.
I have not, that I recall, seen a prohibition of corporal punishment: it simply does not get mentioned. It also seems inconsistent with the discussion of "forgiveness" on p. 166.
p. 159. Children learn self-control by memorizing scripture, playing an instrument, and getting involved in sports, drama, and other extracurricular activities.
See also p. 193 Teach Children to Work Hard
p. 166. After all, God, our Heavenly Father, doesn't treat all his children the same.
p. 168. In fact, God uses struggle to develop character (Romans 5:3-4), so be careful that you don't make life too easy for your kids.
The ten (p. 174 - 176) lie detector tests are excellent illustrations of where the boundaries lie.
p. 188. Only through salvation in Christ can we fully live out a commitment to the truth.
I do not understand why anyone would make such a (p. 188) manifestly false claim: many non-Christians have demonstrated the commitment to fully live the (neglecting Christian belief) the truth. Matters of faith are one thing, but it should bother you if your belief system makes you say things that at manifestly untrue.
I like the emphasis on having a plan for everything. (Of course I am a "Boeing guy." When we were teamed with Lockheed we used to say they could not develop a plan to save their lives, and they used to say we could not go to the bathroom without a plan. O.K. - this may not be relevant, but it came back to me.)
It would be swell is Christianity were to acknowledge how much it took from Stoicism, but that is just unrealistic. Christians seem to believe that they invented everything.
"Dialogue" is a noun: its use as a verb us just yucky.
p. 92. The working at home hazard.
p. 101. Learning to live within boundaries would have helped the protagonist in "The Woman Upstairs." The book advocates teaching children to accept limits as children, so it will be easier for them to accept limits as adults. The alternative, or course, is to spoil them now and let them adjust as adults.
p. 106. addresses the hazards of too much explanation, that arise with the approach that is inherent in this book.
p. 126. addresses balanced between "discussions" and "obey first, then we'll talk about it."
p. 128-129. . . . and choose strategic bible verses to memorize . . .
See also p. 197 Teach About Honesty
p. 157. Self-control is the ability to control myself so that Mom and Dad don't have to.
p. 158. When parents get fed up with a behavior, they often sentence a child to her room, take away a privilege, or give a heavy dose of angry words.
I have not, that I recall, seen a prohibition of corporal punishment: it simply does not get mentioned. It also seems inconsistent with the discussion of "forgiveness" on p. 166.
p. 159. Children learn self-control by memorizing scripture, playing an instrument, and getting involved in sports, drama, and other extracurricular activities.
See also p. 193 Teach Children to Work Hard
p. 166. After all, God, our Heavenly Father, doesn't treat all his children the same.
p. 168. In fact, God uses struggle to develop character (Romans 5:3-4), so be careful that you don't make life too easy for your kids.
The ten (p. 174 - 176) lie detector tests are excellent illustrations of where the boundaries lie.
p. 188. Only through salvation in Christ can we fully live out a commitment to the truth.
I do not understand why anyone would make such a (p. 188) manifestly false claim: many non-Christians have demonstrated the commitment to fully live the (neglecting Christian belief) the truth. Matters of faith are one thing, but it should bother you if your belief system makes you say things that at manifestly untrue.
August 3, 2016
Every parents gets angry at their kids. No doubt about it. What this books helps to do is provide strategies for helping Parents understand where their anger comes from and how to use it in positive ways...which I know sounds strange. But the whole idea of the book is that being angry is usually a result of something needing to change and being able to get to the heart of the matter--literally--is important, so that instead of exploding in anger, we can take advantage of the opportunities to teach our kids--and not just to change behavior, but to nurture their character and hearts.
One of the concepts that the authors reminded me at the end of the book--and that I need to remind myself of daily--is that my kids are a work in progress. (I know, arean't we all), but really, they are. They are learning, growing, figuring everything out, yet at times, I put expectations on them that they will have everything figured out already. Reminding myself of that will likely help me react to situations in a more level headed way.
I would be remiss if I didn't mention a frustration I had with the book. There was a particular chapter discussing children who have some difficult personalities/strong wills, however you want to say it. As a parent of a child such as this, at times, I felt as if the authors were telling me that my child's character is flawed, or in grave danger of being flawed if I didn't do something about it. Or--that he would end up a damaged and an unwelcome member of society. There are some children in this world, who because of chemistry and development have limited executive functioning, impulse and self-control. It isn't that they are just defiant and we are just lazy as parents--there is a medical issue there. I simply wish the authors would have acknowledged that rather than making me feel like I'm not a good parents and my child will turn out flawed.
Ok--now that that is off my chest, on the whole, I liked this book and walked away with some solid ideas and strategies. I particularly enjoyed the end of each chapter where key ideas were summarized, follow up questions were asked, and in depth look at related bible passages were provided. Definitely worth a read.
One of the concepts that the authors reminded me at the end of the book--and that I need to remind myself of daily--is that my kids are a work in progress. (I know, arean't we all), but really, they are. They are learning, growing, figuring everything out, yet at times, I put expectations on them that they will have everything figured out already. Reminding myself of that will likely help me react to situations in a more level headed way.
I would be remiss if I didn't mention a frustration I had with the book. There was a particular chapter discussing children who have some difficult personalities/strong wills, however you want to say it. As a parent of a child such as this, at times, I felt as if the authors were telling me that my child's character is flawed, or in grave danger of being flawed if I didn't do something about it. Or--that he would end up a damaged and an unwelcome member of society. There are some children in this world, who because of chemistry and development have limited executive functioning, impulse and self-control. It isn't that they are just defiant and we are just lazy as parents--there is a medical issue there. I simply wish the authors would have acknowledged that rather than making me feel like I'm not a good parents and my child will turn out flawed.
Ok--now that that is off my chest, on the whole, I liked this book and walked away with some solid ideas and strategies. I particularly enjoyed the end of each chapter where key ideas were summarized, follow up questions were asked, and in depth look at related bible passages were provided. Definitely worth a read.
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October 5, 2025I have implemented quite prayer time as an option for my 4 year old to "cool-off" when she has an attitude. This has helped
The "come when called" rule is a work in-progress but kind of a no brainer. Makes sense as an overwhelmed parent that we can get in the bad habbit of hollering across the house. This obviously starts the instruction with an already frusterated child
Pg. 48 "overemphasized the task and underemphasized the relationship". All about timing of giving instruction. For example do you tell them their tasks for the day right when they wake up, or let them eat breakfast and then calmly give the instruction?
Another no-brainer that it is easy for a stressed parent to forget.
Pg.69
Implement consistency. When not listening 1st step verbal instruction. 2nd step Time Out. 3rd step larger consequence
3 days of...Being consistent with giving a timeout if the instruction isn't followed the FIRST TIME (ONLY one verbal warning) is exhausting but i am seeing an improvement
I like the conversation post Time Out; what was your offense? Why is that wrong? How can you improve?
Also makes sense to encourage them that you are confident they will make a better choice next time
The bit about kids Bagering you for things they want i do disagree with the author here. I think if the kid continues to question you after a verbal warning they deserve Time Out. Yes, you can change your mind...but it could create a pattern of the child bagering you after you give instruction because they know you have changed your mind before
Pg.153
Annoying behaivor:
Recognize when the child is annoying you and why. Any patterns? Help your child read the room and others emotions. For example, "do you see how that tapping sound is affecting your sister?"
Last few chapters go over honesty and parents healing their own anger
The "come when called" rule is a work in-progress but kind of a no brainer. Makes sense as an overwhelmed parent that we can get in the bad habbit of hollering across the house. This obviously starts the instruction with an already frusterated child
Pg. 48 "overemphasized the task and underemphasized the relationship". All about timing of giving instruction. For example do you tell them their tasks for the day right when they wake up, or let them eat breakfast and then calmly give the instruction?
Another no-brainer that it is easy for a stressed parent to forget.
Pg.69
Implement consistency. When not listening 1st step verbal instruction. 2nd step Time Out. 3rd step larger consequence
3 days of...Being consistent with giving a timeout if the instruction isn't followed the FIRST TIME (ONLY one verbal warning) is exhausting but i am seeing an improvement
I like the conversation post Time Out; what was your offense? Why is that wrong? How can you improve?
Also makes sense to encourage them that you are confident they will make a better choice next time
The bit about kids Bagering you for things they want i do disagree with the author here. I think if the kid continues to question you after a verbal warning they deserve Time Out. Yes, you can change your mind...but it could create a pattern of the child bagering you after you give instruction because they know you have changed your mind before
Pg.153
Annoying behaivor:
Recognize when the child is annoying you and why. Any patterns? Help your child read the room and others emotions. For example, "do you see how that tapping sound is affecting your sister?"
Last few chapters go over honesty and parents healing their own anger
December 22, 2008
I throughly enjoy all of Turanky's work. These two authors have a wonderful way of hitting on all the real life situations taht make it easy to personalize. They are not pushover parents, that is for sure. They teach parents to expect proper bahvior, manners, respect, etc. They offer a good about of principles and ways of working on issues, yet give broad recommendations so that each family can make their principles work for their indivdiual family. They seem to always touch on things I didn't even know where an issue or something I should ponder. They are very focused on changing the heart, not just behavior - that is at the heart of behavior! Attitude!
September 17, 2011
TOTALLY awesome book for anybody imo. Yes, it's geared more towards parents but I think you can use the tools to help any relationship really. It helped give me insight into how to change some of my not-so-good tendancies into more useful reactions, lol! LOTS of good parenting tips on how to help kids deal with their "issues" as well. The title is a tad misleading in my opinion because the book deals with so much more than just "anger/frustration" issues. It's every day issues that I would think every parent with kids will have. I just love the Turansky and Miller books I have read so far and will be reading more by them.
December 29, 2008
This book is amazing. It is just what I have been looking for for years. It is Christian and scripture based, has excellent practical advice and ways to bring it home and teach it to the family at family home evenings. Written by a minister of some sort and a nurse, I loved it. I recommend it to all my parent friends. We just had a family meeting where we talked about badgers and what it meant to badger mom and dad and why God does not want us to do it. The wise appeal is amazing! My kids have started using it and it will make them much better human beings, employees and children.
December 28, 2016
I was really helped by this book. My wife and I are already talking about how we can start using some of the ideas. It's much more practical than most of the books I've read on parenting, but it still keeps the focus on the heart of your children, not just the behavior.
The big idea of the book is that your anger or frustration as a parent is good for identifying problems, but terrible at fixing them. So the book walks through helpful ways to address those problems in your own heart or in the hearts of your children.
Definitely recommended, especially if you have young children.
The big idea of the book is that your anger or frustration as a parent is good for identifying problems, but terrible at fixing them. So the book walks through helpful ways to address those problems in your own heart or in the hearts of your children.
Definitely recommended, especially if you have young children.
September 21, 2012
This was a great book. The mom's group that I'm part of went through this book a while back. I intend to re-read it again here shortly. The authors give really sound, biblical advice. It wasn't typical of other parenting books that I've read and I found it refreshing because of that. It gave advice for what to change in YOU as well as how to guide your children through their needed changes as well.
April 30, 2013
A very helpful book! Practical wisdom from a god-centered perspective. I would highly recommend this book with the caveat some of their examples of things to say to tour hold may be a little overly psychological. While the underlying principle of a statement like "I feel as though you may be tooupset to talk about this right now" is solid - the exact phrasing in the book may not be the words you should choose.
April 26, 2016
I didn't always agree with the verbiage used as example of how to speak to your children, at times a bit condescending, but the explanations of how behaviors are linked to certain character traits is astounding and eye opening. How laziness and lack of hard work is related to dishonesty...it all makes so much sense. The applicable Bible verses are helpful in driving home lessons to children and to parents. Excellent read that I will revisit frequently in the future.
August 21, 2012
One of the best parenting books I've ever read! This book has novel ways to help kids overcome bad habits such as whining, melt downs, and rebellion. The key is to teach them the right response without getting angry. The book works for parents helping kids but it also works for parents working on their own bad habits and it worked for me as marriage therapy.
March 7, 2013
Great parenting book based on Biblical principles. If your family is dealing with attitudes, fighting and anger issues, then it's time to put some processes in place to get things in order and restore relationships. Turansky and Miller offer great advice especially for parents in being able to deal with their own anger and frustration! I recommend this book to all parents.
Displaying 1 - 30 of 48 reviews