Finding It: And Finally Satisfying My Hunger for Life

by Valerie Bertinelli

Welcome back to chez Bertinelli, where life is as crazy and comical as ever. In revealing talks with her longtime boyfriend, Tom, Valerie gets even more personal about her inner worries: her maternal anxieties about her son, Wolfie (he’s fallen in love and, as she writes, "getting your sex talk from Eddie Van Halen wasn’t recommended in any of the parenting books I read"); the challenges of dealing with a blended family; her mother’s own new diet adventure; and a craving for a deeper relationship with a Higher Power ("I have experienced days of inner peace and connectedness with a larger spirit—twice," she writes. "Why not more often?"). And as if these everyday challenges weren’t enough, Valerie is working to maintain her own very public weight loss and approaching her fiftieth birthday. This is the story of what happens after you change your life. And it’s not all peaches and cream, or even low-fat yogurt.

This inspiring memoir, from the beloved actress and author of the bestseller Losing It, is an optimistic story for trying times. Warm and friendly, honest and self-aware—with the same winning wit and candor that touched a generation of fans in Losing It—Finding It is about working on all the reasons we gain weight in the first place so that it doesn’t happen again. It’s about becoming better, not just thinner. And it’s about believing in love and happiness, having faith that both are possible, and finding out that God does want you to enjoy life’s desserts—even when you’re on a diet.

Genres: Biography, Nonfiction, Memoir, Audiobook, Autobiography, Biography Memoir, Self Help

288 pages, Kindle Edition

First published January 1, 2009

About the author

Valerie Bertinelli is the host of her own daytime series Valerie’s Home Cooking and co-hosts Kids Baking Championship on the Food Network. The two-time Golden Globe award-winning actress takes her fans into her kitchen with her new cookbook “Valerie’s Home Cooking” (Oxmoor House, an imprint of Time Inc. Books, October 2017). Her fun flavor combinations, like Brown Sugar Sriracha Bacon Bites, Lobster BLTs, and Tomato Soup with Grilled Cheese Croutons, transform traditional classics into crave-worthy and exciting new dishes to enjoy with friends and family. Bertinelli first became a household name for her role as Barbara on CBS’s long-running series, One Day at a Time. Over the years, her career expanded from acting to include hosting, spokesperson, business entrepreneur and New York Times best-selling author. She has also helped develop, produce, and star in several television movies and mini-series, and in August 2012 she received a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame. She most recently starred as Melanie Moretti in TV Land’s critically acclaimed sitcom Hot in Cleveland.

Reviews

[Richard Collins · Rating 4 out of 5]

Can a TV and movie personality married to a rock star and living in Beverly Hills lead a wholesome life?

Well, yes. At least in Valerie Bertinelli's case.

Her second and logically titled auto-biographical book, Finding It, follows an inspirational and successful first book, Losing It. Both books tell of her Jenny Craig affiliation. In Losing It she sheds 40 pounds; In Finding It she fights the demons who threaten to thwart her efforts at maintaining her hard-won weight loss.

I bought Finding It assuming it would be full of trite but juicy, tabloid style anecdotes usually found in celebrity memoir. I also thought it would be fun to catch up on Bertinelli's life since One Day at a Time.

I was very much surprised and delighted to find, as I got into the book, it was all about healthy living and family. Bertinelli gives readers a ringside seat as she diets and exercises her way from 172 pounds to 122 pounds so she can fulfill a deal to pose in a bikini for the cover of People Magazine.

Readers will feel every drop of sweat on her treadmill and every disappointing rejection of delicious food as she determinedly fights her way to 132 pounds. Then you'll huff and puff along with Bertinelli and her trainer Christopher as they work their way from runs of a few hundred yards to a 5K in order to lose the last ten pounds.

You have to feel good about someone who, at age 49, can lose 50 pounds and look great in a bikini on the cover of a national magazine.

A year after Finding It was published Bertinelli finished the Boston Marathon, a 26 mile, 385 yard feat. That same year she started a new TV series Hot in Cleveland. The year after that she threw out the opening day first pitch for the Cleveland Indians.

With a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame, a house in Malibu and a net worth of $20 million you might think Bertinelli would be a conceited gas bag. She's not. Bertinelli generously shares the Finding It spotlight with rock band super star and ex-husband Ed Van Halen, their 18 year-old son Wolfgang (Wolfie), her soon-to-be husband Tom and her mom and dad.

One drawback: Bertinelli depends a little too much on narrative for my taste. I think dialogue is a lot more fun to read. But her prose is straightforward and lively.

[Vilo · Rating 3 out of 5]

You've all heard that you should not go to the grocery store on an empty stomach. Well, for me stopping by the library to pick up a book for Dave after a 10-hour work day is equivalent. I ended up with about 5 books for me all grabbed from various display shelves on the way to the reserved books rack. This one was a surprisingly satisfying read (no pun intended). Valerie Bertinelli is down to earth, honest, and funny. She wrote an earlier book about losing weight. This one is about "maintenance," which is the harder of the two, according to her. Bertinelli discusses how she had to change a lot more than her eating and exercising habits to truly satisfy her hungers. She shares a lot of discoveries about relationships, motivation and families.

[Gato Negro · Rating 1 out of 5]

To be fair, I tried; honestly, I tried to read this book with the same fervor and joy I employed while reading her first book. However, this book was downright awful. It surprised me that Val, who refers to herself as uneducated, blathers on and on about politics. I absolutely believe that everyone is entitled to a political opinion, but I thought this was going to be a book about maintaining weight, not bashing the president. That irritation aside, I also felt like I was reading something written by a 9 year old. I kept asking myself, "Who wrote her first book?" because her "voice" in this book seems quite different, childlike and regressive in a strange, nerve-grating way.

[Diana M Dunbar · Rating 2 out of 5]

This autobiography takes place over the 2 years following Valerie's weight loss via Jenny Craig. She concentrates heavily on her feelings of inadequacy and trying to find her "meaning of life". I gave this one only 2 stars. Even though I still love this girl, no one needs to read this much about being on "maintenance" within a weight loss program. That being said I can't wait to read "Enough Already" her current autobiography that just came out.

[D · Rating 4 out of 5]

I can identify with Valerie Bertinelli in so many ways. We are close in age, and struggle with weight gain. But, unlike Valerie, my accumulated weight came after several health problems that went undiagnosed for years, and simple exercise alone does not make my pounds fall off quickly. I'm also like her in the fact that I really enjoy good food, and want my eating experience to be worth it. But, unlike her, I am not an emotional eater. And, finally, I know the fear of a bikini. But with me, it's not my butt (which is my better feature), but my gut. This book has given me the incentive to see if I can try to slowly start walking and running. Highly recommend it for someone who likes inspirational stories, wants to lose weight, or is a fan of Valerie Bertinelli.

[Erin Martin · Rating 3 out of 5]

Ok I love Valerie Bertinelli. But for crying out, I really could have done without her talking on and on about her political views. That was NOT why I wanted to read this book. I DON'T CARE! And her comparisons to the government and her weight loss were so far-fetched that you could just tell she was only doing it to get her political agenda out there. It was SO annoying. She did have some good points and I learned some valuable things from her. But if I wanted to know who she voted for and why, I would have bought a book about THAT.

With that said, she wrote this in 2009. I am curious to see how she feels about politics now. :)

[JoAnn J. A. Jordan · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is a very good book about Valerie's adventures in maintaining her weight and living her life more fully. She overcomes obstacles and comes to a better understanding of what her life means.

I highly recommend this book to anyone who has struggled with weight or simply with the difficulties of daily life.

[Tiffany Melz · Rating 1 out of 5]

Seriously if I wanted to read a political rant then I would've bought a different book!!!

[Stephanie · Rating 3 out of 5]

I forgot I read this. I did skim it again. Kind of funny to see how in love with Tom she was and now she recently had a bitter divorce from him. And Ed’s dead. And Wolfie has his own band.

[Laney · Rating 2 out of 5]

Imagine being so rich that you can just focus for years on losing weight and keeping it off. And your main dilemma is how you agreed to be paid a bunch of $$ to put on a bikini. Or don’t imagine it- read this book and have Valerie explain it to you for 270 pages!

[Barbara · Rating 4 out of 5]

I enjoyed this book even more than I did her first autobiography. Valerie comes across as normal and human, struggling with the same issues so many of us who repeatedly battle the bulge have.

Kids growing up, parents aging, personal insecurities are things we all deal with. Working to achieve a goal, only to question whether we deserve the praise / results / good that comes is something that many of us deal with.

In short, there are echoes in the mind, and they make me feel connected. I thank her for her honesty, and wish her well in her future endeavors... as I'm sure she wishes all of us!

[Sirena · Rating 3 out of 5]

Valerie Bertinelli is the quintessential girl-next-door & America's Sweetheart. This second book is about her struggle to keep her weight off as well as juggling marriage, motherhood, aging parents & just getting older in general. Towards the end of the book she went into a lot of details about how she got in shape for a bikini shoot for Jenny Craig. I skimmed through most of that which is why I only gave it 3 stars. I still don't understand why she let her 16-year-old son go on tour with his dad.

[Chris Jordan · Rating 3 out of 5]

Valerie definitely shows herself to the reader. Her worries about her parents are easy to connect to. Having a personal trainer is not something the average person can afford. I could have done without political comments as well. Don't care

Some of the book was easy to connect with..Her worries about her parents and her son. She pushes ahead even with set backs. The average person who struggles with weight cannot afford a personal trainer so that was hard to connect to. A few too many political comments too. Even with those small negatives, Valerie seemed geniune

[Diana Moran · Rating 3 out of 5]

3.5, 1st book was better. There was a little too much rambling on about other things and the awkward dropping of Obama's name here and there, but she's still an inspiration and I have some good take-aways from this book.

[Heidi]

I loved it and I got some good ideas from her. I enjoyed this book as much as her first.

[Patti · Rating 2 out of 5]

Not as good as "Losing It".

[Sue · Rating 3 out of 5]

I enjoyed listening to this book and learning about Valerie's life. With the exception of her love of Barack Obama. Her references to him and how he influenced her life were annoying.

[Christy · Rating 3 out of 5]

Not as good as Losing It, but it was ok. The annoying thing is that half of it’s an ode to Obama. Ok, ok, we get it, you worship the man.

[Kelley Blair · Rating 5 out of 5]

As a long time fan of Valerie’s this book sat on my shelf for awhile. Her new “memoir”is out and I’m anxiously waiting to read it. I’m interested in comparing her journey from 2009 to today. For anyone who has battled weight and feelings of unworthiness this story lets you know even the best of us struggle. Although I adore Valerie the pain of inadequacy is evident in this segment of her life. So focused on the scale and getting into a bikini, makes one hurt for her. I’ve been there as someone who has lost over 165 pounds and continues today to keep evolving. I no longer let the number on the scale dictate the kind of day I’m going to have. In addition the “ maintenance “ piece Valerie speaks of no longer has a hold on me either. I eat a healthy mostly plant based diet and I found this frees me from the torture of weighing everyday. I judge my weight by my clothes if they get snug I make adjustments. I thank Ms. Bertinelli for her honesty and look forward to reading Enough Already and compare her growth.

[Sharon · Rating 3 out of 5]

This is the third book that I have read by the author. The book was written over ten years ago, so her life has changed dramatically. The books deals with everyday struggles including Valerie’s struggle with her weight and her worry with her mom’s health crisis. Valerie is working with Jenny Craig and when she finally loses her weight has promised to participate in a Jenny Craig commercial in a bikini.
The latter chapters are Valerie exercising like crazy with the help of Christopher, her trainer, she is either on the bike or running miles in her neighborhood. I loved the section at the end of each chapter
“notes to myself”. But most importantly, Valerie was trying not to be so negative, she learned there will be good days and bad days. She had accomplished a lot, losing the weight, keeping it off for more than a year and she was in the best shape she had been in a long time. 3.5 stars

[Tanya · Rating 4 out of 5]

I enjoyed this book more than the first one she wrote because of Valerie Bertinelli's wit and willingness to reveal her story and struggle with weight maintenance so others can learn from it or at least not feel alone. She actually leaves me with much food for thought about weight maintenance. She writes like a girlfriend sharing her thoughts with you while you head out for a walk together.

Here are several quotes that I liked from the book because the really force me to think about my own difficulties with weight maintenance.

p 96-97 "I think my diet worked because of the additional work I did on myself. I needed time to think, cry, talk, sweat, celebrate and constantly replenish the faith I needed every day to stay focused and strong. Many of the women I dealt with talked about time as if it were the enemy, which it can be if you get to the end and wish you had more time, or wish you had used it more wisely. but one of the biggest yet most subtle changes I noticed after I began maintenance was in my attitude about time. Time is no longer my enemy. I cherish it more, try to use it wisely, and try to share it with the sense that I am giving away something very valuable. Somehow God has figured this out for us...I used to sneer at all the experts who advised living in the moment. Then I came to realize that a moment is about all I can handle -or want to handle. The past and the future as concepts are way too big to grasp. But within the span of a moment I can usually mange cravings, exercise, doubts, worries, arguments, guilt, a sputtering self-image, and a crisis of faith.

p 108 ...my search for God had been so frustrating. I'd wanted a tangible, show-me type of spiritual moment that would let me get it...I was just glad to be on the path that would take me closer to God...I sensed it was an important part of maintenance-and it is.

p 127 I was most disturbed by how easily feelings of inadequacy and self-doubt got back in my head, and also how quickly I had returned to bad habits. It was the definition of my old bugaboos, unconscious behavior, and emotional eating. It was also a wake-up that progress--in my case, maintenance--happens in fits and starts. I wasn't going to be perfect every day...I calmed down and began to think in terms of a more manageable time frame than forever. A-ha! So that's what was meant by living in the moment. I could handle a moment; forever was too much.

p 141-2 My brief set back had been more than a warning sign about my eating habits. It had also reminded me that I needed to continue dealing with a lifetime of insecurity and self-doubt, feelings that I was "less than' and undeserving of all the fortunate things that had happened to me...I was at a crossroads that many women know but few talk about; after working up the courage to make a profound life change, then mustering the faith and determination to accomplish it, I had to decide whether I believed that I deserved this slimmer, smarter, healthier version of myself, especially in the wake of slips and setbacks.

p 143 People can get by on a lot less than they think; but they need hope. Experience had taught me that hope comes from doing hard work, facing hard truths, correcting past mistakes, making your own breaks, taking risks, daring yourself to grow, and seeing the progress.

p 183-4 Like it or not, all of us are going to reach the end someday. It's non-negotiable. But we do have a choice about how we live. We can either wait for the end in a gloomy funk, carping and complaining, blaming and bitching; or we can approach each day as if it's an opportunity to feel good and do better, and to be more patient, forgiving, and helpful.

I also liked some of her "notes to myself" which really felt like a peek into her personal diary.

p 30 - Today my mind and body are in conflict about going to the gym, but I'm telling them to get on the same page! How? I'm thinking of all the times I've wished I'd worked out but couldn't. And the times I've wished I'd felt good about myself but didn't. Now that I have the time to get exercise..is fort-five minutes such a big deal?

p 52 Think of the feeling you have after a great workout. Now compare it to the feeling you have after an unhealthy eating streak, with little to no physical activity. now re-think going to the gym, the bag of chips, or whatever your devil seems to be today. The choice become a little easier, right?

p 64 What if losing weight meant getting rid of the "weight" we carry on our shoulders and inside?

p 81 Here's a logical progression: be accountable for the food you eat, be accountable for the words you speak, be accountable for the life you live.

p 101 One more thing to remember. Change comes from the inside. It's often the last thing you're going to see when you look in the mirror. So be patient.

p 123 Rule of thumb: stop over-thinking and just get on with what's right.

p 157 I've been thinking about food more than I should through some stressful times, and I have to remind myself that food is food. Don't give it any more power than it has, and don't give it any power that I have myself.

p 178 I alone am responsible for my actions. Therefor I have to remember to make them actions that are beneficial to me--and the rest of the world.

p 185 I have to remind myself that exercise is not the enemy even if it makes me smell bad. In fact, B.O. is the smell of progress.

p 260 Keep your eye on the goal. But you won't find it looking down at teh scale. You have to look inside your heart, look up for inspiration, and look out at the rest of your life.

[Colleen · Rating 3 out of 5]

Not nearly as entertaining as Losing It, but OK. I honestly prefer more stories about her acting career and family life than weight loss struggles (despite relating to that too), and this one is far heavier in that department. Following Losing It, I was hoping to get some stories from making Hot In Cleveland, but didn't realize this was published the year before it began! Oh well, maybe the next one!

As a side note, I love listening to her talk. Her voice and personality is just so friendly and comforting; I wish she'd start a new career in audiobook narration.

[Kathi · Rating 2 out of 5]

I was looking for something inspirational or motivational. I didn't get that with this book. It was pretty much just autobiographical -- except for the second to the last chapter. There was a little "you can do it" at that point.

The actress is easy to listen to -- but I'm having trouble visualizing her as a 48 yr old woman. I was a little dissapointed that she was so fixated on identifying herself by the number on the scale.

[Leanne · Rating 3 out of 5]

Very comversational read. I am getting to know her. She absolutely thrives and blossoms into her own authenticity having a life coach in her life. That's where she gets her underlying trauma, codependency, distress tolerance and emotion regulation addressed, but it still isn't internalized. She needs to use that private, enclosed pool to swim naked at night to get comfortable with her own body and yoga is great for body shame issues.

[Angie · Rating 4 out of 5]

First book of the year for me- nice, light reading on continuing and maintaining her weight loss journey. Valerie is honest and open again and I enjoyed her personal notations at the end of each chapter. I plan on trying the asparagus recipe.

[Lori Neal · Rating 3 out of 5]

Not nearly as good as her first book. I felt there was too much talk about politics and bashing Bush and Cheney. Everyone is entitled to their own opinions yes, but politics was not what I signed on to read. That being said, I still love ya Val. Plenty of laughs and truths to be had in this read.

[Cheryl Schibley · Rating 3 out of 5]

As celebrity memoirs go, this one was okay. I didn't read her first memoir, Losing It. In this book she mostly talks about her son Wolfie about whom she has great anxieties and over-protection tendencies.

[Lydia Carson · Rating 4 out of 5]

We all know how to lose weight, keeping it off is the hard part. Valerie Bertinelli talks about her journey with her weight loss struggles and keeping it off. It’s about more than losing weight, but a journey of self discipline and discovery. It’s about losing baggage.

[Annburnett · Rating 4 out of 5]

Enjoyed reading about Valerie Bertinelli's life and hearing about her determination to lose over 40 pounds of weight to reach a goal she set for herself.

[Rachel Gray · Rating 3 out of 5]

I really loved her first book, Losing It, but this one felt far more cautious for her, as if she was censoring.