Women on Porn: One Hundred Stories. One Vital Conversation

by Fiona Vera-Gray

At a time when women are more vocal than ever about our lives, there's one last taboo. We need to talk about porn. When we think about porn today, we still mostly think about men. Men as the producers and the consumers. Women as the product. Most women aren't talking to each other about what they do and don't do with porn - not really. And when we do talk about it, we are divided into unhelpful for or against? Liberation or coercion? Too sexual or not sexual enough? But in a world where porn sites get more traffic than Netflix, Amazon plus Twitter combined, and one of the leading sites claims a third of its users are women, isn't it time to change that? In this book, interviews with 100 women result in an extraordinary and powerful conversation on pornography. How they first encountered it. How they consume it. How it has affected their sex lives. What they like and what they don't. And what it means for their relationships. Eye-opening, provocative and deeply moving, this book navigates the polarised public debates, to open an intimate window into porn and the sexual lives of women today.

Genres: Nonfiction, Feminism, Womens, Pornography, Sexuality

313 pages, Kindle Edition

First published February 8, 2024

Reviews

[Roman Clodia · Rating 3 out of 5]

I found it interesting that while the research that underpins this book was funded by a Leverhulme post doc fellowship award, the text itself covers some of the same material as the 'popular' and unscholarly Porn: An Oral History by Polly Barton that came out last year. Vera-Gray is an academic so it does feel as if she's rather pulling her punches in this crossover book: I mean, it's interesting to hear a random sample of 100 women talking on the topic of porn but, numbers aside, that was also what Barton's book did, albeit with her friendship circle only and including men.

There are clear indications that Vera-Gray is knowledgeable about the topic but the scope of this book doesn't allow more that the raising of questions: what does research tell us about the links between porn and sexualised violence? does porn reflect or shape our desires? how do women who work in the sex industry really feel about what they do? what is the future of virtual reality porn given we're already hearing scare stories of women being virtually assaulted and raped in the metaverse? How might porn feed into the sex positive movement? What of attempts to make it less misogynistic and racist?

Porn isn't really a taboo topic in the academe: from feminist and sociological approaches (think Andrea Dworkin, for example) to historicist research into 'pornography' as a literary category, there has been huge interest in the subject taking its lead from second wave feminism. From that perspective it's good to see Vera-Gray move the debate along, even if some of the older questions are still pertinent. She talks about 'pornographies' rather than a single entity, automatically adding nuance to the discussion and making it clear this is not a pejorative approach.

It is, naturally, always interesting to hear women talking about porn - but I think, for me, I'd like to read the next academic book that Vera-Gray writes using the raw material of this one in a more analytical and programmatic way.

Thanks to the publisher for an ARC via NetGalley

[Sam · Rating 3 out of 5]

2.5

Pros:

- The women interviewed. When allowed to speak verbatim by the author, they have some powerful insights
- The necessity of starting this conversation. Although a lot of the perspectives I knew about from communities online, I'm glad someone's putting it to print.
- Some of the stats and studies about data collection seem particularly important to include.
- Amazing that the curation of voices made space for different ages and ethnicities, and brought in acknowledgements of the difference that can make to individual experience.

Cons:
- Journalistic approach rather than academic, but with a convincing academic wrapper. The author peppers the story with facts and figures and occasional nods to the language of impartiality, but the voices are hand-selected, chopped up according to the author's preference, and often tied implicitly to the author's generalising summaries or disconnected stats. Almost always without justification, or admission that assumptions are being made.
- With the above in mind - there is a clear slant towards the more harrowing stories that goes unacknowledged, just in terms of time spent with those stories and how much of those stories gets space to be told verbatim, by the teller. In the author's sections, there seems (to me) to be a clear bias against a muddily defined "sex-positive" movement, who are ironically described as stifling a balanced conversation.
- Several chunky diversions by the author away from porn and into general sex and misogyny conversation, that are then tenuously linked back to porn - important conversations to have, but not what the book is supposedly about (and there are better books about those things).
- The chapter about Metaverse and VR is a lunatic word salad that made me laugh out loud, but includes troubling use incorrect sex crime language (at least it appears incorrect - the author certainly doesn't explain or justify it).
- Where are the trans people if the category is so so popular as stated in the intro? You can't just say they "happened" to not be present in your selection of people. Reach out?
- Where are the OnlyFans creators in the section about "the future", seeing as that's a massive market for people looking to jump off the unethical platforms - and has its own ethical murkiness?
- Where are the feminine performers, the producers, the self-employed creators of the industry this book is supposedly casting a broad feminist eye on? There were, I think, two people involved in the industry who got text time?
- How was camming mentioned a staggering 0 times? Chaturbate has been around for over a decade. (If that's considered sex work rather than porn, why spend so much time on other things that aren't porn?)
- Where are the people involved in the kink scene? Although nods are made to kink's value as a curative and reclaiming space, no one who simply enjoys kink is selected for space in the text. The only significant time spent in this area implicitly ties kink porn to the sex crimes of James Deen, which is disturbing framing.

In case it's not obvious, I get particularly frustrated by any book that goes to great pains to point out the subjectivity of its contributors and readers, but fails to acknowledge the subjectivity of the editor/author/curator. In the introduction, all blame for any slants, trends and controversies is placed on the interaction of the women's stories and the reader's perspective, without mentioning the heavy hand of the author's choices.

I really want to see more on this topic in the public eye, and soon, so that this doesn't become a monolithic representation of women in porn.

[Kay · Rating 5 out of 5]

The book was structured into the following six sections: Desire, Bodies, Sex, Relationships, Violence and Future. The author interviewed a wide range of women from different upbringings, sexualities and ages to give a comprehensive outlook on how people feel about porn. I find that often the discussion women hate porn as it is oppressive or porn is empowering for women. In actuality the stance is usually somewhere in the middle and I love how this book tackled that complexity.

Some sections were difficult to read due to the intense descriptions of abuse so I had to take a break at several points. However, these discussions are invaluable (and often overlooked) in discussions about porn so I'm glad she included them. In particular, the section about how hardcore porn can be used to legitimise the actions of abusers was well written.

[Maria · Rating 4 out of 5]

“What comes first, the porn or the desire? Are we seeking out only what we want or are we watching what is brought to us, and how does that feel?”

[Talia · Rating 5 out of 5]

Well researched , interesting and terrifying.

I bought this on a whim & glad I did.

[Katy Kelly · Rating 5 out of 5]

One of the last taboos... insightful, provocative and relatable (yes it is!).

Whatever your experience with the subject matter, there will be someone or something here that you can relate to. And if you feel there isn't... well then this is clearly an education waiting for you. It's not graphic but it is honest, and it is a subject that is so, so important.

As a parent of a now 13-year-old, this is a subject that I've had to broach already. And one I'm sure I'll need to broach again from the female perspective.

This gave a lot of examples of women in every age range and demographic and their experiences with pornography, from first becoming aware of it to its varied uses in their lives, or not at all and the positives and negatives it has brought.

The author easily moves from one story to another, it is smooth and well-connected, with a lot of detail on the industry and how things have changed, what problems there are, and for both anyone interested in the sociological side of this as well as parents like me who are trying to navigate the sticky (sorry - pun was not intended there) subject - this is illuminating, sobering and well worth reading.

With thanks to Netgalley for providing a sample reading copy.

[Lois Harmer · Rating 3 out of 5]

3.5 ⭐️ this was a really nuanced look at porn through the lens of different women. It was comprehensive but almost to its detriment as it tries to cover too much, and the arguments felt quite mainstream and surface level. Few things struck me as particularly new or interesting - I wonder whether this book would be most enjoyed by people who aren’t familiar with debates on porn, or who aren’t women with an inherent closeness to the topic.

There were a few parts I wanted to see fleshed out more (the link between the linguistics of porn and the language used by incels online) and also more on kink, especially as it muddies arguments around porn & violence against women. I’m also surprised it didn’t mention deepfakes at all in the ‘future’ chapter given the threat that it poses with simulated porn that isn’t consented to.

The strongest part of the book was the most difficult to read. The ‘violence’ chapter was handled really sensitively and respectfully, to the author’s credit. Not bad and overall, a decent stab at a mammoth topic.

[liv · Rating 5 out of 5]

I found this book absolutely fascinating, and also incredibly validating. I felt a deep connection to the women who shared their stories, and it really got me thinking about my own relationship and experiences with porn and sex.

The only thing I would’ve liked to have been explored more is the stories of gender non-conforming or trans women. Though these demographics were not actively excluded, no effort had been made to include them, which is a real shame.

Overall, though, an extremely interesting read. Highly recommend!

[Laura Russell · Rating 4 out of 5]

Women on Porn is a raw, thought-provoking, and at times deeply uncomfortable read—but in all the right ways. This eye-opening collection confronts hard-hitting truths about sexuality, power, and the emotional landscape of women’s experiences with pornography. What makes the book so compelling is its commitment to exploring a multitude of voices—some conflicted, some empowered, some deeply hurt—each revealing how complex and layered the topic truly is.

The book doesn't offer easy answers, and that’s part of it. Instead, it embraces the nuance of being a woman in a world where desire, shame, liberation, and trauma can often coexist. At times, it’s difficult to comprehend the emotional impact these experiences have had on the contributors, but that challenge is exactly what makes this book so important.

Women on Porn is not just about porn—it's about humanity, vulnerability, and the often messy intersection of sex and identity. It forces readers to reckon with assumptions and listen to voices that are too often marginalised or dismissed.

Highly recommended for anyone ready to confront the complexities of female sexuality with honesty and empathy.

[Wild Waters · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is an outstanding, well-written and researched book covering a variety of topics regarding women's desire which are just never talked about. It was a simple page turner and I feel I have learnt so much and also found myself mirrored in many of the opinions and experiences the women who talked to the author in this book expressed. From missing sex education, representation of violence and men's supposed pleasure acted on female bodies, scripts, the technology and data monster of the adult industry and forbidden curiosity to the difference between erotic and pornographic - I sincerely urge every adult to read this.
Parents will learn about their children, even if they prefer to be ignorant. Men - who are unfortunately as so often at the heart of "issues" in a woman's life from girlhood to lover and/or mother - will get a perspective they will never forget and might help to reflect on their everyday use of material, that more and more shapes the way we experience intimacy, gender norms and who to respect in life. I would give 10 stars out of 5 if I could. Best book of the year.

[Emily · Rating 4 out of 5]

Rated 3.5, rounded up- this was an audiobook read for me.
An interesting resarch topic and important initial study on the topic. The author, rightly so, asks more questions than she answers. She avoids grouping all women's experiences as a universal and I particularly enjoyed her discussion of race in porn.
She makes some small references to the metaverse but a further discussion of AI would have been very interesting in the wider context of this book.
I did find the section on sexual violence especially difficult to listen to so please be aware of this if listening/reading this one and check the trigger warnings.

[Nicolò Grasso · Rating 4 out of 5]

Fiona Vera-Gray's research and documentation in Women on Porn is a fascinating and often eye-opening conversation on a topic that is still considered taboo. By interviewing 100 women of different ages and nationalities, the resulting study highlights the pros and cons of viewing porn, how it is still primarily treated as a tool for cishet men, how alternative realities from the mainstream are empowering women and queers, and whether porn's virtual future is a dangerous one or optimistic. This can be a particularly important book for people that are not too familiar with its subject, and the writing is consistently tactful and mindful, which keeps it from ever getting too gross or explicit.

[Evan · Rating 3 out of 5]

Det å rekruttere et "gjennomsnittlig utvalg" forskningsobjekter gjennom din egen instagram påvirker definitivt resultatene dine. Jeg skulle ønske hun hadde gått dypere inn i metoden brukt, i det minste styrket skillet mellom dette og faglitteratur.

Skulle også ønske hun bare ikke hadde sagt noe om transkvinner for isteden sier hun at sånn, porno påvirker transkvinner og det hadde vært spennende å snakke med dem men det var vanskelig å finne noen .... Idk dette er en veldig cishet whitefeminism bok

Det må likevel nevnes at det var spennende å lese selv om jeg har hørt de fleste argumentene før.

[Abi · Rating 3 out of 5]

3.5
Some interesting points made and I enjoyed reading womens perspectives, however a lot of research referenced wasn't new to me and the general theme and discussions points were similar to other analysis I've read

[Lily Robertson]

I found this book while in a bookstore in Brighton and the topic really intrigued me. Women’s experiences and thoughts on porn are rarely discussed and it still feels very taboo to talk openly about, so I really enjoyed how this book gave a space for women to share their thoughts, experiences and opinions on porn.

[Tia Vincent · Rating 4 out of 5]

Such an insightful read, and so scary to think about how complexly terrible the sex industry is as a whole to women.

[Viv JM · Rating 4 out of 5]

Interesting and nuanced look at women and their relationship with porn. Throws up more questions than answers but it's a conversation that needed starting.

[Amy James · Rating 4 out of 5]

Fascinating and great depiction of a variety of viewpoints but the writing style left a little to be desired.

[meggmayo · Rating 4 out of 5]

enlightening …

[Caitlin Cavallucci · Rating 3 out of 5]

3.5⭐️
Interesting read! This book gives a platform to an incredibly important/overlooked conversation that is too often seen as ‘taboo’.

The unique stories from 100 women made for a gripping (though difficult at times) read. I found the section on ‘future’ and how it explored pornographic violence from a virtual reality lens really important, but also deeply unsettling and honestly, frightening.

I do feel like the book lacked some depth I.e, about the links between pornography and sexualised violence and it did feel a tiny bit simplified in parts - it was more journalistic than academic and I do feel like more academic evidence is needed to be presented to bulk certain points up more

[Books By Your Bedside · Rating 4 out of 5]

3.5 stars rounded up to 4.

Thanks to Hannah Winter and Torva for the gifted proof of this title in return for an honest review.

As bizarre a topic as it is, I actually wrote an essay in my third year of University on porn and how it affects women, and so this book really peeked my interest. I wrote my essay in 2013/14 and even back then it was difficult to write about such a 'taboo' subject without it sounding seedy. I know things have moved on in the decade since, but Fiona has done a really great job at balancing honesty and natural-ness, with respecting the still quiet judgements we (especially in the UK) unconsciously may still have.

Even now, in 2024, when I'd finished reading it, I hid it, especially if people were coming round. It's not a book to be ashamed of, but it still seems to be a topic I am not eager to talk to people about, even if it's just the title of a book. And I found that subconscious shyness fascinating.

Given how open we are as a race, and the freedom to speak - which can often be a grey area - porn is still not a conversation we talk about in polite society, and neither, to a certain degree, is sex. It all seems very dirty, and so to release a mainstream book on the topic seems - unnecessarily so - brave. [I don't mean that it is unnecessary to release the book, I mean that it feels unnecessary that something so familiar in our day-to-day life has to be considered brave or taboo.]

It was also fascinating to read about porn from a female point of view. If porn is ever discussed it is usually regarding male viewers, so this gave it a new perspective, as well as including women up to the age of 70, which is also a demographic that isn't considered when talking about sex.

It's intense, let's not beat around the bush here (pun very much intended). It gets to the heart of the matter, looking at a handful of topics in more detail - desire, bodies, sex, relationships, violence, and the future. What I found to be so overwhelming is how much porn and violence seem to go hand-in-hand. This idea that women don't like it, that we shouldn't be watching it because it is derogatory to women, that men shouldn't watch it because they'll grow up to be violent towards women. It was fascinating, but quite scary how prevalent that thought was.

I know this is Fiona's field, but the sheer amount of research she probably had to do over the years is very impressive, and it really shows how deep this topic goes.

If I had to be super critical, I did find it a bit repetitive at times, and didn't have a great flow. It seemed more to be a list of things rather than a conversation. It isn't a huge issue and didn't spoil the reading of it, but at times it felt more like an essay than a book, but that's my own personal view.

Not one to gift to your mother-in-law I would say, and one that you may want to keep out of the hands of little ones, but it is an interesting topic, is well written, and will spark a much needed and much overdue conversation.

[Jasmine · Rating 4 out of 5]

An interesting and frankly eye-opening book on a topic considered taboo/controversial, from a neutral perspective that reveals the pros, the cons, and perhaps most importantly give voice to women in relation to porn's role and expectations in society, something which is arguably been long needed, as it broaches really difficult subtopics within porn such as sexual violence.

As for who the book is for at times it feels more accessible than at others, but overall it should be a relatively easy read to those without an academic background.

[Cara · Rating 5 out of 5]

first brain on book of the year! picked this up and was like yeah should be interesting but oh no it turns out ive never had an original thought about anything ever and while that is upsetting its also comforting bc women are so amazing and i love them 10/10 every person should read this

[em · Rating 4 out of 5]

TW: rape, sexual assault, sexual violence.

This was an incredibly well researched and detailed book. Vera-Gray carefully and methodically explains the history of porn, its origins and the future of the genre, all while still making this book accessible and palatable. With interviews from dozens of women ranging in age, sexuality, race, religion and gender identity, this book provides a comprehensive overview of something that so many women are afraid to talk about.

Covering several subtopics within porn, including difficult ones such as rape and sexual violence, Vera-Gray pairs real life experiences with statistics and theory. Other chapters include the impact porn has on young women, society and relationships, and overall covers such a broad topic well. This book takes the society imposed shame away from porn, and exposes the real world behind the often “taboo” concept, laying it bare and breaking it down to its fundamentals.

Thank you to NetGalley and the publishers for kindly providing an ARC in exchange for an honest review. #WomenOnPorn #NetGalley. All opinions are my own.

[Alisha · Rating 4 out of 5]

Need more of these kinds of books!! So interesting and something I'm so curious about.

Women are never one entity and it's nice listening to people with such different points of view without judgement, but still with a critical lens regarding pornograph as a whole.

I thought structurally the chapters made sense and it pieced together really very well!

[Mia · Rating 5 out of 5]

It's incredibly interesting to read all of these women's stories, there's not much in this book I wasn't aware of before but feels good to have it written by a scholar and not just festering in my head. I'll definitely be recommending this book to friends.

[Gaby Treviño · Rating 3 out of 5]

Crucial and captivating content, but stars docked for layout - I didn’t always love how the interviews were broken up, and the threads didn’t always come together.

Shout out to Cara for sponsoring this read!!!

[Laura O'Neill · Rating 4 out of 5]

ty robyn if it was u who recommended me this

[Sammy Parry · Rating 4 out of 5]

Guess how long the average user spends on pornhub in one go.

7 minutes.

[cypher · Rating 3 out of 5]

the algorithms on porn websites are not “pushing people towards more violent content”(rough book quote), this removes some of the accountability, they recommend based on what other people actually ended up clicking, it is people’s choices driving those recommendations, on a website you’d just get recommended what you or others have picked in the past, and further clicking only feeds the algorithms further, the users are responsible for their choices, don’t like it, don’t be there, excusing your actions by saying it’s not you it’s the website making you do that is a bit ridiculous…
otherwise, good, the interviews and the documentation, but not enough about how porn ends up degrading the quality of human relationships and not enough about how it’s connected to sex addiction and ego.
although i understand that porn can serve as education and self-acceptance for women, as the book points out, it is an incomplete discussion without a stronger debate around how it’s changing values in society (including for the women who say they want to be there because it pays well, who actually end up fuelling misogyny, the view that there is a hierarchical structure placing women below men, to be used, violence against women, and, in general, men seeing women as objects more…in the end, selling sex is not a positive, while buying it hides weakness and/or addiction). in the introduction this book (written in 2024) warned that it will be controversial, but i’d say it did not try enough to debate the more difficult aspects of women and porn, especially in a world in which more and more women choose to put themselves on things like onlyfans (where, according to online search, “Estimates suggest that around 70-80% of the platform's content is pornographic”, while tiktok and other social media become more and more a softer version of porn) and they collect larger and larger following, to then go and advertise positives, in a world in which porn is ultimately a negative. also, it’s really difficult to see any positive in any type of porn when you think about all the horrible things the porn industry is enabling, like violence, human trafficking, abuse, addiction…and it just keeps going. a bit of this was touched upon in the “Violence” chapter and although the book is not bad, it feels like it’s still missing a lot on important bits.

“what you like might be a bit weird, but it’s ok to like it” - i’d say this is not quite true, and we also need a better conversation about violence or humiliation, for example, and bdsm (something even many experts come to say these days “is ok”, but is highly toxic, pain, or a negative in general, should not be considered pleasure, or a positive in general…it’s not “relative”, it’s a broken connection/association, which needs fixing and definitely not indulging further).