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The Chain: The Relationships That Break Us, the Women Who Rebuild Us
In January 2017, Chimene Suleyman was on her way to an abortion clinic in Queens, New York with her boyfriend, the father of her nascent child. It was the last day they would spend together. In an extraordinary sequence of events, Chimene was to discover the truth of her boyfriend's life: that she and many other women had been subtly, patiently and painfully betrayed.
In this spellbinding memoir, she exposes one man's control over many women and the trauma he left behind, and celebrates the sisterhood that formed in his wake despite - and in spite of - him. Exploring how women are duped every day by individuals, she interrogates how society itself continually allows this to happen. She demonstrates that, no matter how intelligent, educated or self-aware they might be, over time a woman can be played into performing the age-old role of giver and nurturer: self-sacrificing and subordinate.
Both a devastating personal testimony and a searing indictment of persistent misogyny, The Chain is a book for any woman who has questioned her relationship and buried her doubts, for any woman who can't quite identify the source of her unease and for any woman who has been sheltered by the fierce protection of her female friends.
In this spellbinding memoir, she exposes one man's control over many women and the trauma he left behind, and celebrates the sisterhood that formed in his wake despite - and in spite of - him. Exploring how women are duped every day by individuals, she interrogates how society itself continually allows this to happen. She demonstrates that, no matter how intelligent, educated or self-aware they might be, over time a woman can be played into performing the age-old role of giver and nurturer: self-sacrificing and subordinate.
Both a devastating personal testimony and a searing indictment of persistent misogyny, The Chain is a book for any woman who has questioned her relationship and buried her doubts, for any woman who can't quite identify the source of her unease and for any woman who has been sheltered by the fierce protection of her female friends.
224 pages, Kindle Edition
First published March 28, 2024
59 people are currently reading
4509 people want to read
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July 7, 2024
I had no idea when I picked up The Chain just how powerful it would be. The audio is narrated by the author, which, of course, added to its power. I think many have a story of mistreatment in a relationship, and at this point in my life, I’ve heard them from my friends and colleagues over the years. Suleyman’s story, told somewhat lyrically, and often raw, candid, and brutally honest, is unlike any other I’ve heard, and it wasn’t that it only happened to her; this one man hurt many women the same ways. He had a pattern that was eventually exposed when the, best part, women discovered each other and formed a true chain. And just like any chain, once formed, it’s pretty darn hard to break and is made stronger by all the links forming it.
The Chain at only 187 pages is a powerful and important testimony exposing the ugliest truths of human behavior contrasted with the fierceness of female friendship.
I received a gifted copy and also purchased the audiobook from Librofm.
Many of my reviews can also be found on my blog: www.jennifertarheelreader.com and instagram: www.instagram.com/tarheelreader
The Chain at only 187 pages is a powerful and important testimony exposing the ugliest truths of human behavior contrasted with the fierceness of female friendship.
I received a gifted copy and also purchased the audiobook from Librofm.
Many of my reviews can also be found on my blog: www.jennifertarheelreader.com and instagram: www.instagram.com/tarheelreader
March 8, 2024
Alone, we had become the lies he had told us. Together, we were learning to unravel it. We were building the chain. We were learning to replace him with ourselves.
In January of 2017, after leaving the clinic room in which she had taken the first dose of the abortifacient that her boyfriend had talked her into, Chimene Suleyman discovered that this boyfriend — the love of her life — was never who she thought he was, and now he was gone; leaving nothing behind but a text telling her that she was now ruined and unworthy of love. Suleyman would eventually learn that this man (never named) similarly ruined the lives of dozens of other women — defrauding some of them of tens of thousands of dollars — and by growing a mutually supportive community with these other victims, Suleyman was able to eventually find a place of healing from which to examine the persistent systems of misogyny that allow men like this to escape consequences. The Chain tells Suleyman’s story (as well as some details from other women’s relationships with this man), examines how society celebrates the playboy (while denigrating the women who get played), and concludes that women (and especially in the wake of the #MeToo movement) can find the power to fight back against this type of toxic masculinity when they band together, share their stories, and support one another. The details of Suleyman’s story are shocking and compelling, but it’s the thoughtful social commentary that makes this an elevated read. (Note: I read an ARC and passages quoted may not be in their final forms.)
I reached for my keys, but put them away. I turned the handle on my apartment door and expected, rightly, that it would open. The shirts he left in my closet were no longer there. His T-shirts that had filled the bottom drawer, gone. His sneakers that had formed a neat line against my shoes, and some of my belongings too, gone with him. No one should love me. And I believed him. Because I had been taught to.
There’s a lot going on in this memoir: Suleyman is of Turkish Muslim heritage (not white but “white-passing”; what this boyfriend called “sandy”) and had emigrated to America from the Britain she was raised in. Suffering from Depression, a recent breakup, and other pressures from feeling isolated in NYC, Suleyman was a perfect target for this man who liked to lovebomb new girlfriends and then beg understanding for his own mental health challenges (claiming to have been diagnosed with Agoraphobia and Autism); what started as fun and exciting became this man needing to be taken care of, and if the woman had money, he’d clean her out for supposed stays in mental health care facilities or travel money to get to the big job that would allow him to pay her back. He accidentally-on-purpose got more than one woman pregnant (and talked them into abortions that not all of them wanted), he made a habit of taking pictures of his girlfriends sleeping nude without their consent (sometimes sharing them in a group chat with his buddies), and he routinely disappeared when the fun stopped. As a stand-up comedian, a lot of his material was about how dumb women are (four nights before her abortion, Suleyman thought that her boyfriend was sitting with his mother in Atlanta as she was dying, but he was actually in NYC doing a set about how much he hates Muslims), and it was a revelation for Suleyman to watch YouTube videos of his standup routines, in the aftermath of their breakup, and hear men in the audience guffawing at the most unfunny misogynist lines:
Comedy is an invisibility cloak for the men who hate women. It’s not objectification, it’s social commentary! It’s not chauvinism, I’m in character! It’s not a rape joke, it’s intellectual critique! It’s not bullying, it’s risqué! It’s not harassment, it’s banter! It’s not a slur, it’s a play on words! “Good” comedy is meant to push boundaries, meant to shock, meant to provoke. If you don’t like it, maybe you’re too sensitive, too literal, maybe you’re just not smart enough to get it.
Suleyman makes the point that while we might be shocked by the extent of the abuses committed by the likes of Harvey Weinstein and Jeffery Epstein, popular entertainers like R. Kelly (in the lyrics of his songs) and Jimmy Savile (in countless interviews) told people exactly who they were and what they got up to, and the world just sang and laughed along (as underage victims of sexual abuse were silenced by this apparent cultural acceptance of their experience). Suleyman discusses quite a few male celebrities, and while I think it’s fair to examine the abuses of Bill Cosby and Louis CK (and maybe to a lesser extent, allegations made against Aziz Ansari), I don’t know if it is fair to lump Robert Downey Jr and Mark Wahlberg in with Chris Brown as similarly forgiven for past crimes (or to list celebrities like Ernest Hemingway, John Lennon, Johnny Cash and Russel Brand as all using the depression they suffered as an excuse for the women in their lives to clean up the chaos they created). It all makes the larger point, however, that when we excuse celebrities of their bad behaviour, we are setting a standard for how the unfamous are treated: many of the boyfriend’s buddies were disgusted when they found out that he had taken these women for so much money, but Suleyman demands to know why they weren’t similarly disgusted by how he used their bodies. The antidote, according to Suleyman, is for women to get loud, tell their stories, and join together; if men, and the society they continue to dominate, don't care about the mistreatment of women, women need to focus on caring for each other:
There is no singular experience of womanhood and we create the chain to remind ourselves of this. We stand beside each other in such a way that we may say, Tell me your story as a woman, and yours, and yours, and yours. I do not know what it is to be a Jewish woman, a Black woman, or trans, or gay, or disabled, or a sex worker, or a prisoner, or a pilot, or a seamstress, or four husbands deep (yet). Where I fall in our flawed verses of womanhood is that I am unlucky in some ways and fortunate in others. What we share is history. What we share is the need to talk, to say we made it or we didn’t. Survival isn’t enough and it musn’t be.
Overall, a compelling read. If I had a complaint: I don’t mind that Suleyman chose not to name the boyfriend, but I didn’t like that every “he, him, or his” she used to refer to him was italicised (I was mentally emphasising the word every time, and it became distracting), and similarly, she italicised “the chain” every time as well, and that felt cutesy and disempowering. Small complaints, good read.
May 19, 2024
I think this was pretty fucking amazing.
I’ve worked for many years in mental health services for survivors of interpersonal violence. Outside of work, I try to read as many related memoirs as I can handle, and while I appreciate them all, some really stand out in their difference, power, and ability to illuminate hidden perspectives and aspects of the lived experience of encountering violence and trauma and healing. This is one of them.
The author shares her experience of processing and working toward recovery in the aftermath of learning she is just one of the most recent in - a chain - of victims of a serial romantic con artist with an extensive and elaborate history of exploiting, deceiving, and psychologically and financially abusing multiple women/ostensible girlfriends and fiancées at once over the years and around the globe.
As we learn more about the perpetrator, we discover (including through his own words that he posted online or shared in public performances as a stand-up comedian) that this man truly hates and wants to punish women and that his behavior stems from a place of entitlement and intentional harm. He’s a scary and predatory figure who seems to lack conscience and it’s worrying to think what more he could be capable of.
Like many abusers, he is also capable of being very charismatic and clever, and he is well able to recognize and play to victims’ vulnerable points, including taking advantage of their empathy around mental health challenges and trauma that he claims (at least many times falsely) to have experienced himself. I cannot tell you how often the perpetrators I learn about in the course of my work use these same techniques.
Over time, the author connects with many of the other women/“exes” who have survived the actions of this man, and in their own chain of sisterhood, they support each other and help one another put together and pick up the pieces.
Most of the book, however, describes the author’s interior journey, and this is very powerfully relayed: the author is a spoken-word performance artist and although this style is not usually my type of thing, her background in oral poetry helps make her prose and storytelling visceral, cutting, and fast-paced. It’s a really different voice than I’ve encountered in many of these memoirs.
Needless to say, the book was an amazing listen when read on audio by the author herself. I really hope others will read this.
I’ve worked for many years in mental health services for survivors of interpersonal violence. Outside of work, I try to read as many related memoirs as I can handle, and while I appreciate them all, some really stand out in their difference, power, and ability to illuminate hidden perspectives and aspects of the lived experience of encountering violence and trauma and healing. This is one of them.
The author shares her experience of processing and working toward recovery in the aftermath of learning she is just one of the most recent in - a chain - of victims of a serial romantic con artist with an extensive and elaborate history of exploiting, deceiving, and psychologically and financially abusing multiple women/ostensible girlfriends and fiancées at once over the years and around the globe.
As we learn more about the perpetrator, we discover (including through his own words that he posted online or shared in public performances as a stand-up comedian) that this man truly hates and wants to punish women and that his behavior stems from a place of entitlement and intentional harm. He’s a scary and predatory figure who seems to lack conscience and it’s worrying to think what more he could be capable of.
Like many abusers, he is also capable of being very charismatic and clever, and he is well able to recognize and play to victims’ vulnerable points, including taking advantage of their empathy around mental health challenges and trauma that he claims (at least many times falsely) to have experienced himself. I cannot tell you how often the perpetrators I learn about in the course of my work use these same techniques.
Over time, the author connects with many of the other women/“exes” who have survived the actions of this man, and in their own chain of sisterhood, they support each other and help one another put together and pick up the pieces.
Most of the book, however, describes the author’s interior journey, and this is very powerfully relayed: the author is a spoken-word performance artist and although this style is not usually my type of thing, her background in oral poetry helps make her prose and storytelling visceral, cutting, and fast-paced. It’s a really different voice than I’ve encountered in many of these memoirs.
Needless to say, the book was an amazing listen when read on audio by the author herself. I really hope others will read this.
July 1, 2024
Good story disappointingly written.
Not much need to avoid spoilers The story – woman uses social media to discover boyfriend is a serial deceiver – is on the back of the book, the first two chapters, and in several press excerpts available on the web. I read it looking for more.
I didn't find enough. There's a diatribe about the abuser’s comedy sets and another about the close detail of the social media takedown. Other than that, it repetitively ruminates through chapters which are part twitter-thread/tiktok video and part performance poem.
The characterization is superficial throughout: the women of ‘The Chain’ are all the same because Suleyman hasn’t the art of using small details to make them distinctive or of creating a journey towards understanding or friendship. The abuser is just that – no insights or moments of sympathy allowed. The same is true of her own autobiographical portrait: she shows us her victimhood but never makes herself vulnerable to any actual moral ambiguity. As for other perspectives- I don’t think Suleyman has read many books. The references are all to social media scandals of the last few years and honestly I had not heard of many of them.
She writes as if she were permanently on Twitter/X too. Time is handled poorly – there is no tension paragraph to paragraph let alone chapter to chapter. There are lots of clichés (the descriptions of rat infested, dive-filled, shoot-out heavy NYC are hilarious if you’ve ever lived there.) There are a lot of short sentences. Just to make the point. And. Swearing! And being exhausted instead of actually exploring or explaining anything.
Also very social media: using big words in a vague way: ‘you were catcalled with unceasing momentum’ (momentum?) ‘Good people assault. Bad people assault. Both things are possible in a world where language and action have not fully collided.’ Collided? Pompous language in other words. Portentous, pretentious language. It riled me that she did not know the meaning of ‘singular’ but kept using it, resulting in nonsense like this ‘Because women’s bodies are not singular, yet I had further understood the meaning of being treated as mass on this day’. (me neither, and no, she can’t punctuate.) Cumulatively, the lack of precision has a blunting, dulling effect.
And that’s the problem, in the end. This book is about an interesting experience but it is quite boring and definitely not the literary work it sets itself up to be. I’d avoid it. The excerpts in the Times of London tell you all you need to know and are a better read. I suspect they still employ sub-editors there.
Not much need to avoid spoilers The story – woman uses social media to discover boyfriend is a serial deceiver – is on the back of the book, the first two chapters, and in several press excerpts available on the web. I read it looking for more.
I didn't find enough. There's a diatribe about the abuser’s comedy sets and another about the close detail of the social media takedown. Other than that, it repetitively ruminates through chapters which are part twitter-thread/tiktok video and part performance poem.
The characterization is superficial throughout: the women of ‘The Chain’ are all the same because Suleyman hasn’t the art of using small details to make them distinctive or of creating a journey towards understanding or friendship. The abuser is just that – no insights or moments of sympathy allowed. The same is true of her own autobiographical portrait: she shows us her victimhood but never makes herself vulnerable to any actual moral ambiguity. As for other perspectives- I don’t think Suleyman has read many books. The references are all to social media scandals of the last few years and honestly I had not heard of many of them.
She writes as if she were permanently on Twitter/X too. Time is handled poorly – there is no tension paragraph to paragraph let alone chapter to chapter. There are lots of clichés (the descriptions of rat infested, dive-filled, shoot-out heavy NYC are hilarious if you’ve ever lived there.) There are a lot of short sentences. Just to make the point. And. Swearing! And being exhausted instead of actually exploring or explaining anything.
Also very social media: using big words in a vague way: ‘you were catcalled with unceasing momentum’ (momentum?) ‘Good people assault. Bad people assault. Both things are possible in a world where language and action have not fully collided.’ Collided? Pompous language in other words. Portentous, pretentious language. It riled me that she did not know the meaning of ‘singular’ but kept using it, resulting in nonsense like this ‘Because women’s bodies are not singular, yet I had further understood the meaning of being treated as mass on this day’. (me neither, and no, she can’t punctuate.) Cumulatively, the lack of precision has a blunting, dulling effect.
And that’s the problem, in the end. This book is about an interesting experience but it is quite boring and definitely not the literary work it sets itself up to be. I’d avoid it. The excerpts in the Times of London tell you all you need to know and are a better read. I suspect they still employ sub-editors there.
May 6, 2024
4.5 - 5 stars
“Chimene Suleyman’s The Chain is an unputdownable true account of one man’s betrayal of many, many women. In January 2017, Suleyman chose to have an abortion, taken to the clinic by her loving boyfriend. When she stepped out of the clinic after the procedure, her boyfriend was gone, and not answering any of her texts, and when she got home, he was gone, along with all of his stuff (and some of hers). Grieving, confused, and looking for answers, she stumbles onto a social media post with a picture of his face, and a caption calling him a psychopath. She quickly learns that she wasn’t his first victim, nor his last. This is a fast-paced and addictive read, that’s part memoir, part “whodunnit” scammer story, and part exploration of misogyny, and the collective power of women. A beautiful account of the “chains” we make, through whisper networks, and over coffee — the chains that share information, connect us, and keep us safe.”
From: https://www.shedoesthecity.com/20-of-...
This was an unputdownable and powerful story about misogyny and abuse, as well as sisterhood, solidarity, whisper networks, and acts of care that come together to form a “chain” that binds women together, in support and solidarity.
Part memoir, part cultural critique of misogyny and the ways our culture enables and allows it, this was fast- paced and horrifying. I know this wasn’t the point of the story, but I took multiple breaks to try to breathlessly google the name of this abuser…. so if anyone does know, feel free to tell me lol.
I received an advanced reading copy of this book, from the publisher, in exchange for my honest feedback.
“Chimene Suleyman’s The Chain is an unputdownable true account of one man’s betrayal of many, many women. In January 2017, Suleyman chose to have an abortion, taken to the clinic by her loving boyfriend. When she stepped out of the clinic after the procedure, her boyfriend was gone, and not answering any of her texts, and when she got home, he was gone, along with all of his stuff (and some of hers). Grieving, confused, and looking for answers, she stumbles onto a social media post with a picture of his face, and a caption calling him a psychopath. She quickly learns that she wasn’t his first victim, nor his last. This is a fast-paced and addictive read, that’s part memoir, part “whodunnit” scammer story, and part exploration of misogyny, and the collective power of women. A beautiful account of the “chains” we make, through whisper networks, and over coffee — the chains that share information, connect us, and keep us safe.”
From: https://www.shedoesthecity.com/20-of-...
This was an unputdownable and powerful story about misogyny and abuse, as well as sisterhood, solidarity, whisper networks, and acts of care that come together to form a “chain” that binds women together, in support and solidarity.
Part memoir, part cultural critique of misogyny and the ways our culture enables and allows it, this was fast- paced and horrifying. I know this wasn’t the point of the story, but I took multiple breaks to try to breathlessly google the name of this abuser…. so if anyone does know, feel free to tell me lol.
I received an advanced reading copy of this book, from the publisher, in exchange for my honest feedback.
January 31, 2024
Rating: ⭐️⭐️
Just want to preface this (mini) review by saying my rating is no reflection on the story of these women which is truly inspiring, as well as gut-wrenching, infuriating, and heartbreaking. But this very fact made the poor writing even more of a let down for me, as I really wanted to love this book. I just felt it was not very engaging, repetitive, and had confusing time jumps.
Just want to preface this (mini) review by saying my rating is no reflection on the story of these women which is truly inspiring, as well as gut-wrenching, infuriating, and heartbreaking. But this very fact made the poor writing even more of a let down for me, as I really wanted to love this book. I just felt it was not very engaging, repetitive, and had confusing time jumps.
May 11, 2024
I was taken in at the beginning and then I had enough of hearing about this terrible man. He didn’t deserve all the pages she wrote about him. She was repetitive and the writing lacked cohesiveness and depth or self-reflection. It became more of a rant.
January 20, 2024
I know to say this in January is a big claim… but probably one of the most important books I am going to read this year
July 5, 2024
This was an interesting and essential story, but constructed poorly in my opinion. I listened to the audiobook, so that may have influenced my perception. I think it might have hit different if I read it in it's essay form and spent more time digesting the themes.
It felt repetitive, like the constant rehashing of the ex's comedy routines and general asshole-ness left me feeling exhausted. At times it was hard to tell who was saying what, and the chronology was all over the place. It's an extraordinary story of sisterhood in the face of extreme misogyny, and at best it reads as raw and poetic. But at worst it felt irritatingly repetitive and two dimensional.
It feels weird, and a bit wrong, to review the narrative of something so devastating but ultimately I didn't really feel like I learned much about the topic or got much insight into her.
3 stars 🌟 🌟 🌟
It felt repetitive, like the constant rehashing of the ex's comedy routines and general asshole-ness left me feeling exhausted. At times it was hard to tell who was saying what, and the chronology was all over the place. It's an extraordinary story of sisterhood in the face of extreme misogyny, and at best it reads as raw and poetic. But at worst it felt irritatingly repetitive and two dimensional.
It feels weird, and a bit wrong, to review the narrative of something so devastating but ultimately I didn't really feel like I learned much about the topic or got much insight into her.
3 stars 🌟 🌟 🌟
June 13, 2024
This was good, though I don’t think the writing style was for me. Suleyman is a poet and you can definitely see that here especially in parts near the end of the book; I am not big into poetry so all the pieces really clicked into place after I read the author’s bio. Still enjoyed it especially the parts about women forming supportive communities!
February 13, 2024
Brave and intimate - I couldn't put this memoir down. Excellent storytelling though heartbreaking at times there is hope. Thanks to NetGalley for the ARC.
May 20, 2024
this was insane
March 28, 2024
January 2017, & the author arrives at an abortion clinic in Queens, New York with her boyfriend. He opts to wait in the waiting room but when the appointment is over, he is nowhere to be seen. Arriving home, all his possessions are gone, & then he sends a harsh text abruptly ending their relationship. In the aftermath of this cruel betrayal, the author discovers that she is not the first (or last) that this man has used & discarded - there's a trail of women left bewildered, angry, & down thousands of dollars. In these darkest times, it is friendships with fellow women that help the author to heal & move forward with her life.
Such a personal memoir is difficult to give a rating, as how do you review someone's experiences & feelings? It's obviously written from the heart & the author's pain is evident. It can become a little ranty & meandering at times but given her experiences I understand it. On a wider scale, the author looks at how society is set up to facilitate this kind of behaviour: from friends who are inclined to ignore or condone the behaviour of this type of man, to the double standard that women are socialised into keep giving badly behaved men another chance but when they are hurt & deceived, they are told they should have known better.
I think all women who date men should read this book. There are many (of course not all), far too many men who don't view women as people - the best comparison I've seen (can't remember where I read it unfortunately) is that they view us as NPCs (non-player characters) - there to just facilitate their lives without any inner life or needs of our own. Alongside narcissists & those being 'red-pilled', dating is no longer pleasant for many women. Not that women get away scot free, they can also be misogynistic (aka 'I'm not like other girls') & judgmental towards other women.
The author brings up some really interesting points that I've been thinking about since I finished reading this book yesterday. The main thing I personally took away from this book is that we need to stop viewing ourselves & other women through the male gaze. Such an important point that need reiterating. Overall, honest memoir about a difficult experience, but it can meander a little & become a little repetitive. 4 stars.
My thanks to NetGalley & publishers, Orion Publishing Group/Weidenfeld & Nicolson, for the opportunity to read an ARC.
Such a personal memoir is difficult to give a rating, as how do you review someone's experiences & feelings? It's obviously written from the heart & the author's pain is evident. It can become a little ranty & meandering at times but given her experiences I understand it. On a wider scale, the author looks at how society is set up to facilitate this kind of behaviour: from friends who are inclined to ignore or condone the behaviour of this type of man, to the double standard that women are socialised into keep giving badly behaved men another chance but when they are hurt & deceived, they are told they should have known better.
I think all women who date men should read this book. There are many (of course not all), far too many men who don't view women as people - the best comparison I've seen (can't remember where I read it unfortunately) is that they view us as NPCs (non-player characters) - there to just facilitate their lives without any inner life or needs of our own. Alongside narcissists & those being 'red-pilled', dating is no longer pleasant for many women. Not that women get away scot free, they can also be misogynistic (aka 'I'm not like other girls') & judgmental towards other women.
The author brings up some really interesting points that I've been thinking about since I finished reading this book yesterday. The main thing I personally took away from this book is that we need to stop viewing ourselves & other women through the male gaze. Such an important point that need reiterating. Overall, honest memoir about a difficult experience, but it can meander a little & become a little repetitive. 4 stars.
My thanks to NetGalley & publishers, Orion Publishing Group/Weidenfeld & Nicolson, for the opportunity to read an ARC.
April 14, 2024
This was such a twisted tale, the first half felt like fiction. So much of Chimene’s experiences ring true to mine and all the women I know. It’s tough and sad to read yet another account of a woman recounting her treatment and saying, “This is not ok!!”. I was briefly fascinated and tried to track “him” down on YouTube or through instagram, but sadly and poignantly there are so many similar misogynistic comedy sets and #metoo testimonies that the task seems impossible.
Big Thanks to Harper Collins for the opportunity to read this one early.
Big Thanks to Harper Collins for the opportunity to read this one early.
Read
January 22, 2025this is a love letter to women and our friendships 💗
May 6, 2024
It seems churlish to criticise a book written by a woman treated so appallingly by a serial abuser, but I struggled to finish this. The story is told early on, when Suleyman discovers her ex-boyfriend has deceived, impregnated, stolen, gaslighted, and abandoned a whole tribe of women, who grow in number as his infidelities and pattern of coercive behaviour is uncovered and made public. The tale is horrifying and fascinating, but after the initial reveal it got stuck in the author's understandable personal trauma, examining her feelings over and over in what felt like eavesdropping on a laborious series of therapy sessions. I felt this would have been an excellent article, but as a book the relentlessness and repitition ground me down.
January 20, 2025
This was a difficult one to finish and is arguably the worst book I have read this year. The author tackles important subject matters, such as the prevalence of rape, rape culture, and various forms of abuse—emotional, physical, and financial—at the hands of a narcissistic perpetrator. There were parts of this book that were harrowing, touching on painful accounts of these issues. However, she was unable to expand on any of the subject matters in ways that were compelling or authentic.
This book felt like a long-form status update or Instagram post. The poetry at the beginning of each chapter was included but really served no value or purpose.
I don’t wish to invalidate her experience; I just wish she had relayed it better.
This book felt like a long-form status update or Instagram post. The poetry at the beginning of each chapter was included but really served no value or purpose.
I don’t wish to invalidate her experience; I just wish she had relayed it better.
July 3, 2024
“Women’s powers were never mystical, nor are they fantastical. Our only magic is that, together, we survive.”
Im crying. Thank you a thousand times to the author for writing this incredibly brave and powerful book. Every woman should read this. As well as every man who is truly open to learning and understanding the women in his life better. While this is an extreme account about being a woman going through the perils of dating men, his compounded actions can easily be applied separately to the men we have all encountered. As the author points out , he had many faces. Faces we’ve all seen before.
Im crying. Thank you a thousand times to the author for writing this incredibly brave and powerful book. Every woman should read this. As well as every man who is truly open to learning and understanding the women in his life better. While this is an extreme account about being a woman going through the perils of dating men, his compounded actions can easily be applied separately to the men we have all encountered. As the author points out , he had many faces. Faces we’ve all seen before.
September 7, 2025
this took me a while to get through – heavy with SA context. by around page 110 things get less heavy.
but wow. if you want to read something about how empowering womanhood is and just a really true account of the magic of being a woman and forming community together, I highly recommend. had me in tears and laughing out loud at points.
but wow. if you want to read something about how empowering womanhood is and just a really true account of the magic of being a woman and forming community together, I highly recommend. had me in tears and laughing out loud at points.
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August 16, 2024The power of girlhood 🩷
April 21, 2024
As the kids say, quite triggering.
January 23, 2024
A devastating account of how some women experience their public and private worlds. And the men who, sadly, disappointingly, still, contribute to building those worlds.
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January 21, 2024gut-wrenching, infuriating, unsurprising. A window into womanhood and the chain of sisterhood that ties us all together.
February 3, 2025
When I first stumbled on this book, I honestly had no idea what it was. I saw that it was getting a lot of attention and when I first acquired a copy, I was big into my discovering memoirs and biographies era. So, I brought an ARC home and watched it sit on my shelves for about a year. Now, having read it, I can see what the appeal was and why it gained so much attention.
When a man makes his living off making fun of the women he tricks and scams out of thousands of dollars, the world starts to take note. What gets me is how long he did it for. I briefly remember watching a video of a guy who was homeless and would romance women and live with them until they'd had enough. Now, I'm wondering if this is the same guy.
This dude was awful. He was racist, obviously sexist, and while I can say that I don't understand how he got away with treating women so badly, I also understand that inherent need to keep a person you think is both genuinely in trouble, or potentially "the one"--especially when I see how he preyed on women who already either had their own mental health struggles, or lower self-esteem. These con-artists know what they're doing and a lot of the time a person can fall in deep with one before they even realize they're drowning.
I feel for all of these women, but I liked how they came together and made something memorable and almost beautiful out of their predicament. The sisterhood of women who've been hurt by the same douchebag is truly a sight to behold.
All of that being said, THE CHAIN was a relatively short read that had moments where it was a bit heavy-handed. It mentions important topics like the me-too movement and how women can be treated in the world by men like the asshat in this book. But I think that at times the author kind of got lost in the thoughts and ideas she was presenting, to the point where it turned into a bit of a ramble. I would occasionally zone out when these instances happened. It's important and I know someone will read this book and heavily resonate with it, but for me, it felt at times repetitive and veering towards the extreme. But again, I think that's just because of the rambling.
Other than those moments, I can definitely get behind a good chunk of what the author has presented. Her writing, just like it can ramble, also offers--at times--insightful commentary on gender in this wild society we live in.
Overall, this was a good read. It wasn't a favourite and the ARC isn't going to be living on my shelves after I post this review, but I can definitely see its importance and message.
Happy reading!
When a man makes his living off making fun of the women he tricks and scams out of thousands of dollars, the world starts to take note. What gets me is how long he did it for. I briefly remember watching a video of a guy who was homeless and would romance women and live with them until they'd had enough. Now, I'm wondering if this is the same guy.
This dude was awful. He was racist, obviously sexist, and while I can say that I don't understand how he got away with treating women so badly, I also understand that inherent need to keep a person you think is both genuinely in trouble, or potentially "the one"--especially when I see how he preyed on women who already either had their own mental health struggles, or lower self-esteem. These con-artists know what they're doing and a lot of the time a person can fall in deep with one before they even realize they're drowning.
I feel for all of these women, but I liked how they came together and made something memorable and almost beautiful out of their predicament. The sisterhood of women who've been hurt by the same douchebag is truly a sight to behold.
All of that being said, THE CHAIN was a relatively short read that had moments where it was a bit heavy-handed. It mentions important topics like the me-too movement and how women can be treated in the world by men like the asshat in this book. But I think that at times the author kind of got lost in the thoughts and ideas she was presenting, to the point where it turned into a bit of a ramble. I would occasionally zone out when these instances happened. It's important and I know someone will read this book and heavily resonate with it, but for me, it felt at times repetitive and veering towards the extreme. But again, I think that's just because of the rambling.
Other than those moments, I can definitely get behind a good chunk of what the author has presented. Her writing, just like it can ramble, also offers--at times--insightful commentary on gender in this wild society we live in.
Overall, this was a good read. It wasn't a favourite and the ARC isn't going to be living on my shelves after I post this review, but I can definitely see its importance and message.
Happy reading!
April 3, 2024
Thank you to the publisher for the advance copy!
Synopsis: This book starts with our author at a clinic about to get an abortion. Her partner is next to her. He does not come back with her. When she's done, she comes out and he is gone. He's left her. Not just at the clinic, but left their relationship too. Soon, she finds out that he's done this before. Harming women is his MO.
Review: This book was something else. First, the fact that this man is not in prison is infuriating but, as the author points out, not surprising. Second, this book had some of the most profound quotes I've ever read in a book. The first page reads:
"I think back to a time on a bright blue lake. Clear skies. The water just shallow enough to drown in. There were fourteen fish in a bucket of water, kept alive for longer so they may be fresher when dead. My love, is that not how men love women?
That is to say, you will kill us, then stand back and watch us remember how to breathe."
I knew from the moment I read that, that this book was going to be a hard, but necessary read. Hard in the way baring your soul is, necessary in the way it is to know you're not alone in your experiences. This book was not about a man who and the women he harmed. It is about the chain that connects all women, that is the shared experience of being a woman in a world that believes, lifts up, and propels men foreward.
Synopsis: This book starts with our author at a clinic about to get an abortion. Her partner is next to her. He does not come back with her. When she's done, she comes out and he is gone. He's left her. Not just at the clinic, but left their relationship too. Soon, she finds out that he's done this before. Harming women is his MO.
Review: This book was something else. First, the fact that this man is not in prison is infuriating but, as the author points out, not surprising. Second, this book had some of the most profound quotes I've ever read in a book. The first page reads:
"I think back to a time on a bright blue lake. Clear skies. The water just shallow enough to drown in. There were fourteen fish in a bucket of water, kept alive for longer so they may be fresher when dead. My love, is that not how men love women?
That is to say, you will kill us, then stand back and watch us remember how to breathe."
I knew from the moment I read that, that this book was going to be a hard, but necessary read. Hard in the way baring your soul is, necessary in the way it is to know you're not alone in your experiences. This book was not about a man who and the women he harmed. It is about the chain that connects all women, that is the shared experience of being a woman in a world that believes, lifts up, and propels men foreward.
April 28, 2024
3.75 ⭐️ Devoured this book in one sitting. I will preface this by saying that my review is based on the contents of the story as the experiences shared are by all of these women is rage inducing, heartbreaking, and far too relatable. However, the writing style was not for me - it was a little hard to follow and felt a bit repetitive at times. Certain passages in between her recount of events were skimable.
Please be aware of potential triggers before reading
Some quotes that stuck out:
“There wasn’t an obvious moment when he, or the relationship, changed. Instances injected into the good, until the memory of the good was the only thing keeping you.”
“And so I needed to know precisely what had made me unlovable. Not so I might improve myself once I had an extensive catalogue of all that was wrong, but so I could confirm that I was right to feel I had never been good enough.”
“There is fearlessness in the way women love each other.”
Thank you to the author and publishers for sending me this e-ARC through NetGalley
Please be aware of potential triggers before reading
Some quotes that stuck out:
“There wasn’t an obvious moment when he, or the relationship, changed. Instances injected into the good, until the memory of the good was the only thing keeping you.”
“And so I needed to know precisely what had made me unlovable. Not so I might improve myself once I had an extensive catalogue of all that was wrong, but so I could confirm that I was right to feel I had never been good enough.”
“There is fearlessness in the way women love each other.”
Thank you to the author and publishers for sending me this e-ARC through NetGalley
May 23, 2025
I didn’t know about the author or this story prior to reading so wasn’t actually aware this was a memoir.
The story itself is outrageous and really interesting (dying to know the name of the Male Comedian), it covers a lot of sensitive topics throughout and think that part was quite captivating however it was terribly written, I felt like there was no structure to the book and just random thoughts. It would have been a DNF if I wasn’t actually interested in the story, I found myself having to force myself to read it and stay engaged.
The story itself is outrageous and really interesting (dying to know the name of the Male Comedian), it covers a lot of sensitive topics throughout and think that part was quite captivating however it was terribly written, I felt like there was no structure to the book and just random thoughts. It would have been a DNF if I wasn’t actually interested in the story, I found myself having to force myself to read it and stay engaged.
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April 28, 2024I never rate memoirs/non fiction. It feels wrong to criticize or put a rating on someone’s life.
But I will say that this is a devastating story that was written poorly. I wish it wasn’t so repetitive and I didn’t really feel the metaphor of “the chain.”
Thank you netgalley and Harper Collins for the e-arc in exchange for my honest opinion.
But I will say that this is a devastating story that was written poorly. I wish it wasn’t so repetitive and I didn’t really feel the metaphor of “the chain.”
Thank you netgalley and Harper Collins for the e-arc in exchange for my honest opinion.
June 14, 2024
Oh. My. God. I am in awe. This is written so honestly and beautifully and devastatingly. I cried and raged and mourned all throughout it, thank you Chimene for bringing this book and your story into the world and connecting women with your words. I will never stop thinking about this book. (Literally crying while writing this review lol)
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