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A Promise Kept
A compelling true tale of love and devotion as a husband cares for his ill wife. He shares the story of their struggles and the remarkable lessons they have learned together about God's love.
112 pages, Hardcover
First published October 1, 1998
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June 15, 2020
Robertson McQuilkin uses prose and poetry to describe his life with his wife, Muriel, who is fading into the shadows of dementia via Alzheimer’s disease. After first showing sporadic signs of mental confusion in 1978, A Promise Kept covers 20 years of their marriage with a focus on Muriel’s decline and Robertson’s increasing care giving. In 1990, McQuilkin surprised those outside his circle by resigning his position as President of Columbia Bible College (now Columbia International University) to care full time for his wife, who demonstrated a marked reduction in anxiety when in his company.
The text of Robertson’s resignation speech is included in A Promise Kept. However, you can also hear McQuilkin give the most poignant section of his famous resignation while viewing photos of him and Muriel together through this YouTube link….
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MqtG-...
“…an authoritative study indicated that when terminal illness strikes a mate, seven out of ten American spouses split. And since husbands leave home far more frequently than wives in such circumstances, what must the numbers be for them? Nine out of ten? Just when they’re needed most… I thought to myself… The five-column headline read ‘Love helps Alzheimer’s Victims Survive, Study says.’ The reporter wrote, ‘What’s love got to do with it? Just about everything, says a researcher who studied what happens in a marriage when a spouse gets Alzheimer’s disease. I was there when Dr. Lore Wright gave that report. In her study of forty-seven couples over a two-year period, she predicted with 100 percent accuracy who would die, based on her analysis of the love relationship between husband and wife.” A Promise Kept, McQuilkin, 1998, pg. 54.
After having heard of the McQuilkins for years, I read this book in the fall of 2020, in a time when the scourge of Alzheimer’s and the demands of caring for loved ones afflicted is better known. A Promise Kept was published in 1998, when the blight of dementia was still somewhat new, and examples of faithful caregivers rare. Through this gentle narrative, McQuilkin shares what he learned through 7-8 years of full time caregiving he had endured.
“…there was an even greater liberation. It has to do with God’s love. No one ever needed me like Muriel, and no one ever responded to my efforts so totally as she. It’s the nearest thing I’ve experienced on a human plane to what my relationship with God was designed to be: God’s unfailing love poured out in constant care of helpless me. Surely, he planned that relationship to draw from the kind of love and gratitude Muriel had for her man. Her insatiable – even desperate – longing to be with me, her quiet confidence in my ability and desire to care for her, a mirror of reflection of what my love for God should be. That was the first discovery – the power of love to liberate in the very bondage imposed by unwanted circumstances. People don’t always understand that.” A Promise Kept, McQuilkin, 1998, pg. 33.
This is a powerful little book. Written by a private man, there aren’t sordid details or verbose wallowing in the challenges of care giving. The entire book is spaciously laid out in romantic hues over 112 pages. It could be read in one sitting and quickly forgotten, but the power of McQuilkin’s testimony calls for some sort of meditative response. Themes of marriage vows, being a person of your word, enduring through hardship, honesty among family members (between spouses, among parents and children), the rewards of sacrifice of self and obedience to God, and the decency of honor between people are powerfully, if not somewhat simply, illustrated. Providing a wonderful shot of encouragement in marriage and endurance, A Promise Kept is appropriate for all ages.
Obviously, this memoir is a mid-story account of McQuilkin’s thoughts and experiences in caring for Muriel. Much of their story was written in the years following, serving to authenticate what McQuilkin wrote some 20 years previously. Before I tucked this tender memoir into our family bookshelf for safe keeping, I did some research on “the rest of the story,” which revealed how each McQuilkin finished strong in the LORD and each other. If you’d like to trace these paths, you can via the links below….
Within the text of A Promise Kept, McQuilkin refers to couples reading “Living by Vows.” This is not a book, but a magazine article published by Christianity Today on October 8, 1990 after Robertson’s resignation. CT published McQuilkin again on Feb 5, 1996, as “Muriel’s Blessing.” Content of these two articles is included in A Promise Kept. Finally, in February 2004, after Muriel’s death, CT published a final interview of McQuilkin by reporter Stan Guthrie. This was entitled, “The Gradual Grief of Alzheimers.” I was able to access and save this WORD document which contains all three articles. http://cgsdlifeinspirit.weebly.com/up...
After being cared for by her husband for 13 years, the final ten being bed ridden, Muriel McQuilkin’s 25 year mental decline ended when she passed away in 2003. The McQuilkens had been married 55 years. Robertson wrote about the Grief and Gratitude of losing her for Family Life…
https://www.familylife.com/articles/t...
Robertson McQuilkin passed away in 2016. You can read his obituary published by Columbia International University here…
http://www.ciu.edu/robertson-mcquilki...
Ethical issues of marriage complicated by Alzheimer’s disease are discussed in this article, which was published in 2019 and features reference to the McQuilkin marriage as well as brief interview statements from Robertson McQuilkin’s second wife, Deborah. (Please note the headline does not refer to the McQuilkins, but another couple interviewed for the feature.)
https://www.deseret.com/2019/2/14/206...
The text of Robertson’s resignation speech is included in A Promise Kept. However, you can also hear McQuilkin give the most poignant section of his famous resignation while viewing photos of him and Muriel together through this YouTube link….
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MqtG-...
“…an authoritative study indicated that when terminal illness strikes a mate, seven out of ten American spouses split. And since husbands leave home far more frequently than wives in such circumstances, what must the numbers be for them? Nine out of ten? Just when they’re needed most… I thought to myself… The five-column headline read ‘Love helps Alzheimer’s Victims Survive, Study says.’ The reporter wrote, ‘What’s love got to do with it? Just about everything, says a researcher who studied what happens in a marriage when a spouse gets Alzheimer’s disease. I was there when Dr. Lore Wright gave that report. In her study of forty-seven couples over a two-year period, she predicted with 100 percent accuracy who would die, based on her analysis of the love relationship between husband and wife.” A Promise Kept, McQuilkin, 1998, pg. 54.
After having heard of the McQuilkins for years, I read this book in the fall of 2020, in a time when the scourge of Alzheimer’s and the demands of caring for loved ones afflicted is better known. A Promise Kept was published in 1998, when the blight of dementia was still somewhat new, and examples of faithful caregivers rare. Through this gentle narrative, McQuilkin shares what he learned through 7-8 years of full time caregiving he had endured.
“…there was an even greater liberation. It has to do with God’s love. No one ever needed me like Muriel, and no one ever responded to my efforts so totally as she. It’s the nearest thing I’ve experienced on a human plane to what my relationship with God was designed to be: God’s unfailing love poured out in constant care of helpless me. Surely, he planned that relationship to draw from the kind of love and gratitude Muriel had for her man. Her insatiable – even desperate – longing to be with me, her quiet confidence in my ability and desire to care for her, a mirror of reflection of what my love for God should be. That was the first discovery – the power of love to liberate in the very bondage imposed by unwanted circumstances. People don’t always understand that.” A Promise Kept, McQuilkin, 1998, pg. 33.
This is a powerful little book. Written by a private man, there aren’t sordid details or verbose wallowing in the challenges of care giving. The entire book is spaciously laid out in romantic hues over 112 pages. It could be read in one sitting and quickly forgotten, but the power of McQuilkin’s testimony calls for some sort of meditative response. Themes of marriage vows, being a person of your word, enduring through hardship, honesty among family members (between spouses, among parents and children), the rewards of sacrifice of self and obedience to God, and the decency of honor between people are powerfully, if not somewhat simply, illustrated. Providing a wonderful shot of encouragement in marriage and endurance, A Promise Kept is appropriate for all ages.
Obviously, this memoir is a mid-story account of McQuilkin’s thoughts and experiences in caring for Muriel. Much of their story was written in the years following, serving to authenticate what McQuilkin wrote some 20 years previously. Before I tucked this tender memoir into our family bookshelf for safe keeping, I did some research on “the rest of the story,” which revealed how each McQuilkin finished strong in the LORD and each other. If you’d like to trace these paths, you can via the links below….
Within the text of A Promise Kept, McQuilkin refers to couples reading “Living by Vows.” This is not a book, but a magazine article published by Christianity Today on October 8, 1990 after Robertson’s resignation. CT published McQuilkin again on Feb 5, 1996, as “Muriel’s Blessing.” Content of these two articles is included in A Promise Kept. Finally, in February 2004, after Muriel’s death, CT published a final interview of McQuilkin by reporter Stan Guthrie. This was entitled, “The Gradual Grief of Alzheimers.” I was able to access and save this WORD document which contains all three articles. http://cgsdlifeinspirit.weebly.com/up...
After being cared for by her husband for 13 years, the final ten being bed ridden, Muriel McQuilkin’s 25 year mental decline ended when she passed away in 2003. The McQuilkens had been married 55 years. Robertson wrote about the Grief and Gratitude of losing her for Family Life…
https://www.familylife.com/articles/t...
Robertson McQuilkin passed away in 2016. You can read his obituary published by Columbia International University here…
http://www.ciu.edu/robertson-mcquilki...
Ethical issues of marriage complicated by Alzheimer’s disease are discussed in this article, which was published in 2019 and features reference to the McQuilkin marriage as well as brief interview statements from Robertson McQuilkin’s second wife, Deborah. (Please note the headline does not refer to the McQuilkins, but another couple interviewed for the feature.)
https://www.deseret.com/2019/2/14/206...
July 20, 2025
Excellent! If you're married, you should read this.
The author writes about his time caring for his wife as she battles Alzheimer's.
The author writes about his time caring for his wife as she battles Alzheimer's.
September 20, 2013
Robertson McQuilkin served as the president of a seminary when he discovered that his wife, Muriel, was in the early stages of Alzheimer's disease. McQuilkin took on more and more of Muriel's care (she felt secure only with him) until he ended up resigning from his position and caring for her, full-time.
He says of this decision:
"The decision was made, in a way, 42 years ago when I promised to care for Muriel 'in sickness and in health... till death do us part.' So... as a man of my word, integrity has something to do with it. But so does fairness. She has cared for me fully and sacrificially all these years; if I cared for her for the next 40 years I would not be out of her debt. Duty, however, can be grim and stoic. But, there is more: I love Muriel. She is a delight to me- her childlike dependence and confidence in me, her warm love, occasional flashes of that wit I used to relish so, her happy spirit and tough resilience in the face of her continual distressing frustration. I don't have to care for her. I get to."
This book is a gem.
He says of this decision:
"The decision was made, in a way, 42 years ago when I promised to care for Muriel 'in sickness and in health... till death do us part.' So... as a man of my word, integrity has something to do with it. But so does fairness. She has cared for me fully and sacrificially all these years; if I cared for her for the next 40 years I would not be out of her debt. Duty, however, can be grim and stoic. But, there is more: I love Muriel. She is a delight to me- her childlike dependence and confidence in me, her warm love, occasional flashes of that wit I used to relish so, her happy spirit and tough resilience in the face of her continual distressing frustration. I don't have to care for her. I get to."
This book is a gem.
April 29, 2021
Robertson McQuilkin tells the story of his wife's journey into Alzheimer's and his journey with her. At first he adapts his schedule to her needs, but as a busy public speaker and president of a Bible college and seminary, it became apparent that her needs required more. It's a very moving love story with application to discussions about euthanasia. This brief book reminds the reader of the best of married love and commitment without being "preachy" or "instructive." The author was reluctant to set the story down.
This book can be read in less than an hour and the insight into a great love is the best part of its story. For another book written by a husband about his wife's descent into dementia that features a similar love and devotion, I recommend My Two Elaines: Learning, Coping, and Surviving as an Alzheimer's Caregiver . That husband wrote his book to help other caregivers. It also is an easy and moving story, filled with compassion and helpful insight.
This book can be read in less than an hour and the insight into a great love is the best part of its story. For another book written by a husband about his wife's descent into dementia that features a similar love and devotion, I recommend My Two Elaines: Learning, Coping, and Surviving as an Alzheimer's Caregiver . That husband wrote his book to help other caregivers. It also is an easy and moving story, filled with compassion and helpful insight.
March 3, 2011
This book is the true story of Robertson McQuilkin & his wife Muriel. She suffered from Alzheimers for 10 years & he was her caregiver. It's a love story which captures the true meaning of what marriage vows are and how seriously they should be taken. Statistics show that a huge percentage of marriages come to an end when one spouse or the other becomes ill or handicapped & the marriage is not a "bed of roses" any more. Would be a good book for someone getting ready for marriage to see what real commitment is all about.
June 28, 2017
An absolutely delightful story. Insightful. Inspirational.
Robertson McQuilkin served as president of Columbia Bible College and Seminary from 1968 until 1999, when he resigned to become full-time caregiver to his wife Muriel. The couple had enjoyed a full, productive life, serving as missionaries to Japan from 1956 to 1968. At the seminary, McQuilkin taught ethics and hermeneutics. Then he faced an ethical decision of his own as Muriel descended into the darkness of Alzheimer’s.
Muriel became more and more dependent upon her husband and finally became panic-stricken if he was not by her side. After considering his options, McQuilkin reasoned he had taken a vow to care for Muriel “in sickness and in health.” She had supported his career all their married life. Now it was his turn to support her. In his letter of resignation to the seminary he wrote, “I don’t have to care for her. I get to. It is a high honor to care for so wonderful a person.”
A Promise Kept chronicles their journey, a journey through the ups and downs of daily care giving. McQuilkin’s love for Muriel (he calls her “my precious”) and his sense of humor shines through the pages of this short six-chapter book. He shares some of Muriel’s witty, on-target remarks. Once when he indicated she didn’t know everything, she responded, “I don’t know everything? Why I know more than everything. I know some things that aren’t so.”
Pages decorated with floral art enhance the beauty of the story. Your heart will be touched and your resolve to do the right thing will be strengthened should you ever find yourself wearing shoes of a similar size. This is a special story of how God’s grace flowed through a husband to touch the life of his precious wife.
The book was published in 1988. Muriel died in 2003; Robertson McQuilkin died at age 88 in 2016. They raised six children and enjoyed 55 years of marriage.
Robertson McQuilkin served as president of Columbia Bible College and Seminary from 1968 until 1999, when he resigned to become full-time caregiver to his wife Muriel. The couple had enjoyed a full, productive life, serving as missionaries to Japan from 1956 to 1968. At the seminary, McQuilkin taught ethics and hermeneutics. Then he faced an ethical decision of his own as Muriel descended into the darkness of Alzheimer’s.
Muriel became more and more dependent upon her husband and finally became panic-stricken if he was not by her side. After considering his options, McQuilkin reasoned he had taken a vow to care for Muriel “in sickness and in health.” She had supported his career all their married life. Now it was his turn to support her. In his letter of resignation to the seminary he wrote, “I don’t have to care for her. I get to. It is a high honor to care for so wonderful a person.”
A Promise Kept chronicles their journey, a journey through the ups and downs of daily care giving. McQuilkin’s love for Muriel (he calls her “my precious”) and his sense of humor shines through the pages of this short six-chapter book. He shares some of Muriel’s witty, on-target remarks. Once when he indicated she didn’t know everything, she responded, “I don’t know everything? Why I know more than everything. I know some things that aren’t so.”
Pages decorated with floral art enhance the beauty of the story. Your heart will be touched and your resolve to do the right thing will be strengthened should you ever find yourself wearing shoes of a similar size. This is a special story of how God’s grace flowed through a husband to touch the life of his precious wife.
The book was published in 1988. Muriel died in 2003; Robertson McQuilkin died at age 88 in 2016. They raised six children and enjoyed 55 years of marriage.
August 13, 2017
A loving memoir of the beginning moments, diagnosis and the 25 years it took Alzheimer's to take most of the physical aspect of Muriel wife of Robertson McQuilkin. A warm, endearing and spritual story. My Dad may not have been religious but he lived his vows when he took care of my Mom Muriel. I am very proud of my Dad a this moment and very glad to know how much he loved her to the last breath she took with us there together. I was the daughter that they both loved and doted on and became the anchor for Dad ever so briefly at the moment he needed me most by his side. I am blessed to have experienced so much in my time with my parents and this book opened the gates to the love and pride inside. The understanding that we are alright to care for our loved ones. The honesty in which he tells of the 2 main reasons we put a loved one into an institution and how they sum up this man's reason so quickly into one of them left me very wary of people that lead speeches about placing a loved one into an Alzheimer's care facility. I highly recommend this light read.
March 6, 2024
This was the book that chose me at a Christian book exchange. A was excited because it's subtitled "The Story of an Unforgettable Love" and I figured I could use some refreshment as I approached my 20 year wedding anniversary. So I sat down on my anniversary and spent an hour reading this book on the front porch with a glass of lemonade. It's a nice book, but I'm just not at this place in my life. If we were facing an Alzheimer's diagnosis, I might have thought this was a great book.
I watched my mother and mother-in-law go through Alzheimer's, so it's not unfamiliar to me. I won't be surprised if one or both of us end up with Alzheimer's - so I hope I recall this book when the time comes.
I watched my mother and mother-in-law go through Alzheimer's, so it's not unfamiliar to me. I won't be surprised if one or both of us end up with Alzheimer's - so I hope I recall this book when the time comes.
July 7, 2020
This book didn’t take very long to read but that was mainly because I couldn’t put it down! It’s a heartwarming and uplifting story about a man who loves and cares for his wife even through the trials of Alzheimer’s. His faith through it all is truly mesmerizing and encourages me to walk more closely with God. This is a tear jerker though. I cried from cover to cover. I hope that everyone can experience a love like this in their life time.
May 13, 2023
This is one of the best books to read when considering the vows of marriage and what they mean. This story is one that ought to be reduplicated and renewed on a regular basis so that we might achieve a maturity of love in the furnace of trial and pain.
July 20, 2025
Excellent book! My husband and I read this as we try to help his grandpa walk through Alzheimer's.
Overall just an excellent story/poetry on keeping your promise in marriage throughout all situations. It's the story of the author's experience loving his wife as she struggles with Alzheimer's.
Overall just an excellent story/poetry on keeping your promise in marriage throughout all situations. It's the story of the author's experience loving his wife as she struggles with Alzheimer's.
January 14, 2018
A book to read for all Christian husbands ... and God help us to affirm, announce and actualize that “Marriage IS Good”
June 10, 2018
Amazing!!!! Every couple should read this quick read together!
July 6, 2018
Having just buried Mom with Alzheimer’s I found much comfort in sharing the author’s grief.
October 26, 2018
Short, beautiful, and deeply moving - like a warm wind that rushes over you followed by quiet stillness.
Quote to remember - "Bondage can be a delightful liberation."
Quote to remember - "Bondage can be a delightful liberation."
January 17, 2019
Short read. Inspiring and uplifting, regardless of whether you face the same challenges. This is the power of living Christian example in the form of a short book. I won’t forget it.
January 1, 2021
Emotional story of wedding vows kept through the ravages of Alzheimer's. Everyone should have such genuine sacrificial love.
Very short but impact ful book.
Very short but impact ful book.
January 28, 2021
Beautiful story of marriage, family and Alzheimer's.
June 30, 2022
Calvary love. What a reflection of unconditional love.
June 30, 2024
Excellent account of a love commitment in the face of adversity.
July 15, 2024
Ever so good ~ a most touching memoir sure to comfort and encourage anyone caring for a loved one.
August 1, 2024
I am not married, but if I care for one of my parents or grandparents with Alzheimers, I pray that I will be as faithful, as loving, as gentle, and as persevering as Robertson McQuilkin was to his wife. I HIGHLY recommend this book to anyone. For married couples, it will probably be especially poignant, but for singles it is just as powerful. If we are to care for our loved ones, how can we do so in a way that portrays Christ? McQuilkin answers that question here.
March 1, 2025
Insightful, humble, and full of wisdom. A must reas for all caregivers but so beneficial for those who haven't yet had to endure that life.
March 21, 2025
A tender testimony to faithful love and to honoring vows.
February 14, 2023
This was a really short read, but I didn’t find it as inspirational as I expected.
January 1, 2013
A sweet, easy to read book. I finished it in about an hour amid tears and smiles. It helps me to understand a little better what it is like for those who help to care for loved ones with Alzheimer's. There were a number of difficulties I would not have thought of it. It's much harder than caring for a young child. Yet, the focus of this book wasn't on how hard it was, but how rewarding it was. I especially appreciated how he brought out the lessons he learned of God's love and care toward us. All in all I thought it was a beautiful story beautifully told. So often we read stories of people who did great, impressive things, but we need more stories of people who did simple, everyday things-like the cup of cold water- and did them out of a heart that loves Jesus.
April 13, 2014
I first heard McQuilkin's story on the Family Life Today radio program and was so touched by it. My dad is now acting as caregiver for my mom. While she doesn't have Alzheimer's she does have other health issues that are causing her to slow down and she needs more help from my dad. I remembered that Family Life Today radio show when I happened across this book.
It's a touching and beautiful story of selfless love. It helped me understand better what my dad may be going through as he cares for my mom. It also inspired me to be more selfless in my marriage. I recommend this to all husbands who are seeking to grow in selfless love for their wives, also to those in caregiving situations.
It's a touching and beautiful story of selfless love. It helped me understand better what my dad may be going through as he cares for my mom. It also inspired me to be more selfless in my marriage. I recommend this to all husbands who are seeking to grow in selfless love for their wives, also to those in caregiving situations.
June 6, 2016
it was inspiring and heart touching been trying to reread find online ever since want this book for myself and others to read amazing anyone struggling with relationship family friends issues with someone with a disability mental or physical should read this book it will change your thoughts on life faith love & relationships and give you insight on how to deal with it,, been trying to find this book free online web reading or cheap but cant find it I would highly recommend this book to anyone who is dealing with any kind of relationship wither its a mother father husband wife or any family member or friend with a mental & physical disability
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November 19, 2017Continuing to care for a loved one in the face of an illness or amid adversity is a challenge to the primary, and sometimes, sole caregiver. Turning this 'chore' over to an institution or bailing the relationship altogether, is too often the outcome. As written in the book, 'May you find that the chains of confining circumstance to be, not instruments of torture, but bonds to hold you closer.' May you find someone who loves you that much.
August 6, 2011
Although it is not the best-written book I have read, it only took a couple hours to read and it was very moving and inspiring. I actually would have liked it to be longer and more detailed, maybe telling more of their history as a couple before she got sick. A beautiful story of the love and loyalty of a man taking full care of his wife with Alzheimer's. So nice to be able to read it and know without a doubt that Steve would do the same for me some day if necessary.
Displaying 1 - 30 of 45 reviews