This Ordinary Stardust: A Scientist's Path from Grief to Wonder

by Alan Townsend

A compassionate, vulnerable, and transformative exploration of the nurturing and spiritual power of scientific wonder, as illuminated through the tragic dual cancer diagnoses of author Dr. Alan Townsend’s wife and daughter. 

A decade ago, Dr. Alan Townsend’s family received two unthinkable pieces of catastrophic news: his 4-year-old daughter and his brilliant and vivacious wife developed unrelated, life-threatening forms of brain cancer. As he witnessed his young daughter fight during the courageous final months of her mother’s life, Townsend – a lifelong scientist – was indelibly altered. He began to see scientific inquiry as more than a source of answers to a given problem, but also as a a lens on the world that could help him find peace with the painful realities he could not change. Through scientific wonder, he found ways to bring meaning to his darkest period. 

At a time when society’s relationship with science is increasingly polarized while threats to human life on earth continue to rise, Townsend offers a balanced, moving perspective on the common ground between science and religion through the spiritual fulfillment he found in his work. Awash in Townsend's electrifying and breathtaking prose, This Ordinary Stardust offers hope that life can carry on even in the face of near-certain annihilation.

Genres: Memoir, Nonfiction, Science, Grief, Audiobook, Biography, Death

272 pages, Hardcover

First published January 1, 2024

About the author

Dr. Alan R. Townsend is a scientist, author, speaker, and dean of the University of Montana’s W. A. Franke College of Forestry and Conservation. He is a highly cited author of more than 140 scientific articles and has served in multiple prominent leadership roles. He was named an Aldo Leopold Leadership Fellow and a Google Science Communication Fellow and was one of six scientists chosen to be in the Let Science Speak documentary film series, which premiered at the Tribeca TV Festival in September of 2018. He lives in Montana with his family and two ridiculous dogs.

Reviews

[Rita · Rating 5 out of 5]

Alan Townsend’s book “This Ordinary Stardust” is far from ordinary. This book will definitely be a contender for my favorite book of 2024. A moving account of his wife’s and daughter’s cancer diagnoses and outcomes intertwined with an exceptionally interesting glimpse into their relationship and careers as scientists. So masterfully written I felt like I was there on scientific expeditions and in the doctor’s offices and hospital waiting rooms. While, obviously there are heartbreaking moments, this book is so much more than another sad story. “This Ordinary Stardust” is an incredible reminder to live your best life!

[April | bookcreases · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book reminded me of if "The Year of Magical Thinking" met "When Breath Becomes Air" - A scientific twist to life and grief. I knew this one was going to probably make me cry, but I didn't know I'd be sobbing - so prepare yourself!

Alan Townsend recounts the statistically (almost) impossible odds that his wife and daughter are both diagnosed with different and very rare brain cancers and his coming to terms with how to approach and deal with the grief involved. The uniqueness of this book is how the author, a scientist, uses science and the (lack of) science to come to grips with the horrible circumstance that his family is dealt. He uses anecdotes from his research to help him bring solace and understanding to the horror he is grappling with, and finds hope in the fact that all living things are connected. He brings more meaning and science to the the very popular and cheesy quote - "We are all made of stardust."

I highly recommend this one, it will probably be on my favorites for 2024. I think everyone can appreciate the way in which the author weaves science into his devastating reality. The writing was very beautiful and think it will become a popular one upon release.

Thank you to Grand Central Publishing, NetGalley, and most importantly Alan Townsend for granting me an ARC.

[Mikey Dempsey · Rating 4 out of 5]

I thought this would be cheesy but it was so good. I will definitely be rereading soon bc there’s too many good quotes in here. Absolutely devastating but so so so beautiful.

[Janette Fuller · Rating 5 out of 5]

Dr. Alan Townsend and his wife Diana worked as environmental scientists. The author's life is turned upside down when both his wife and his four-year-old daughter are diagnosed with unrelated, life-threatening forms of brain cancer.

Dr. Townsend writes poetic descriptions of the work that he and his wife did as environmental scientists. I especially enjoyed the trip they made to the author's home state of Hawaii.

When Dr. Townsend's four-year-old Neva was diagnosed with brain cancer, the family was determined to get her the best medical care possible. She received brain surgery that slowed down the growth of the cancer. Later, she had another surgery that completely removed the cancerous tumor.

When Diana was diagnosed with an unrelated form of brain cancer, the family was again focused on finding the best doctors and treatments available. Unfortunately, Diana did not survive her illness.

This book describes how science and spirituality combine to deal with grief and to celebrate a life well lived. The author has written a beautiful love story that describes the happy years he spent with his wife, the struggle to find cancer treatment for both his daughter and wife and his wife's eventual death. This is an amazing story of hope and resilience.

Highly recommended!

Thank you to NetGalley for an excellent reading experience.

[Penny Bankston · Rating 3 out of 5]

I heard an interview with this author and was drawn to his story. First his 5 year old daughter is diagnosed with brain cancer, then, within the year, his wife is diagnosed with an unrelated brain cancer. Hers takes her life, leaving him to cope with both his own and his daughter’s grief, and also the daughter’s ongoing cancer treatments. He’s an academic researcher and finds solace in science. How well did he execute the telling? I found it mixed. The family tragedies are heart-rending. But his frequent sidetracks into some scientific phenomena or other that spoke to him,
hit the mark only sometimes. Some were thought-provoking and inspirational, others simply tedious. He kept telling us that the scientist’s unique perspective and uniquely inquiring and analytical mind allows him to truly see, appreciate, and draw comfort from the mysteries of life and the universe in a way a non-scientist cannot. As a research scientist myself, I thought I might relate. But instead I thought he came across (at times) as condescending in a way that made me cringe.

[Michele Morin · Rating 3 out of 5]

Townsend tells his story of unimaginable sorrow in a manner that is far from depressing. For him, a connection with the science of life gave meaning to his suffering and carried him through the struggle. He gives honest voice to his failures and ponders the mysteries of living and dying almost as if he had found a way outside the human race as an observer of both. The book offers valuable insight and understanding to readers with a Christian worldview, although Townsend's language is consistent with his worldview.

[Phil · Rating 3 out of 5]

Dr. Townsend's book recounts the diagnosis of his four year old daughter's brain tumor, and then shockingly, his wife discovers that she, too, has brain cancer. The details of these struggles are harrowing, but it's also quite inspiring to see how both handle themselves, especially his wife Diana who does not give up until the very last minute. Townsend places science squarely in the middle of the narrative of the book, although I felt the concept could have used a bit more polish.

[Lauren Albertina · Rating 5 out of 5]

A beautiful and gut-wrenching memoir on how the author leans on science to cope when his daughter and wife are diagnosed with rare forms of brain cancer within a year of one another — the chances of this occurring being 1 in 300 billion. I found myself entranced and enamored by the author’s prose that borders poetry in his vivid recounting of this time period. I also listened to the audiobook, read by the author, which added another layer of meaning for me — particularly hearing the inflection and break in his voice when recalling difficult experiences.

Ultimately, the story, as the title suggests, is one of wonder in how we choose to utilize the atoms and molecules we borrow during our lifetime — until these, too, are passed on as an infinite legacy.

[Brooke | Brooke the Bookworm · Rating 3 out of 5]

This Ordinary Stardust is the heartbreaking memoir of scientist Alan Townsend, whose wife and daughter were simultaneously diagnosed with two different forms of brain cancer, and how through the marvels of science both he and his wife found comfort in the face of insurmountable grief.

Dr. Townsend and I have differing viewpoints, his being evolutionist and mine creationist, but that doesn't mean I don't agree with him about the splendor of science. Throughout the book, he offers many examples of such splendor and though the scientific speak was sometimes difficult for me to wade through, it was fascinating.

Despite this, these asides could be distracting when they were thrown in the middle of the bits where the book truly shined, when he was writing about Neva and Diana. The picture he paints of Diana is a beautiful one, wherein having never met her, I am able to know she was tenacious, curious, and vibrant.

I consider this a worthwhile read for everyone, no matter which worldview you approach it from. Thank you to Grand Central for the gifted copy.

[Nelda · Rating 4 out of 5]

I have whiplash. I recently read a book by Walt Larimore, a Christian doctor who prayed over his patients, then this one by Alan Townsend, an atheist who finds immortality in becoming part of nature’s star dust. Within an hour of completing Townsend’s memoir, I went to the funeral of a 96-year-old Pentecostal relative of my father’s where immortality is found in heaven, as sung in multiple songs and preached in the eulogy. (Plus, I’ve never seen so many sweet hair buns, mostly gray, in all my life!)

Alan Townsend admits that he’s had quite the scientific / atheistic ego in the past, to the point of arguing that he positively did not plan to be married in his fiance’s church where her own parents had married. He has since mellowed, but not to the point of belief. However, he did say that the chances of a mother and daughter having different forms of brain cancer at the same time were about 3 in 100 billion, which made him wonder if God did indeed exist and was quite “the asshole.” His words, not mine. He does discuss and rightly so, how sometimes Christians will question the existence of God in a near loss of faith when something tragic happens. Quite the contrasting scenarios, huh? Townsend does use biblical verses at times and heartbreakingly explains the one about hope, faith, and love and the greatest of these is love. Townsend describes his love for wife and daughter and all they went through. Science often intervenes in his emotional descriptions and life, as he and his wife are both scientists and find great peace and comfort in their curiosity and love for the field. His wife Diana holds onto her scientific curiosity throughout her cancer, which was a form of healing for her. He then goes into how curiosity helps build up the brain, thus, part of “her secret power.” When nurses monitor daughter Neva’s sodium levels after her brain surgery, Townsend describes the scientific necessity of sodium in nature.

So, the memoir weaves scientific facts and findings and the beauty of and reverence for that science with the emotional land mine called cancer and family life. A truly emotional section is when six-year-old daughter Neva questions, “Dada, did Mama catch her tumor from me?” In this section, Townsend has just been talking about the patterns scientists look for, correlations, and possible causes. He’s also just explained how people will often find “causes” for things like climate change and covid that have little to no relevance whatsoever and can sometimes be pretty outlandish.

Though it wasn’t too often, I found some of the language course and the science intrusive. All in all, however, I felt the author did a fine job of meshing his scientific wonder and grief into a coherent and lovely whole.

Now, I just hope I can find another book soon to help me recover from the whiplash!

[Ashley Harris · Rating 5 out of 5]

“Love is the only part of us that can truly enter deep time. When our faith and hope and knowledge are gone—even when our brains and bodies are gone too—our love remains, moving through the world.”

With immense vulnerability, strength, and love, Alan Townsend shares the heartbreaking story of the simultaneous cancer battles of his wife and four year old daughter.

Part love story, memoir, and scientific nonfiction, This Ordinary Stardust chronicles the beautiful love story of author and scientist Townsend and his wife Diana, also a scientist, and the devastating cancers that plague both Diana and the couple’s daughter Neva, all while weaving scientific facts, studies, and phenomena throughout.

What sets this book apart from other memoirs about suffering and loss is Townsend’s scientific expertise. In this memoir, he perfectly selects and explains scientific concepts that enlighten his personal story. The way that stress can literally make our blood denser, aka hemoconcentration? Already a fascinating concept, but when put it in the context of distracting a young child from the terrifying realities of cancer, it becomes even more meaningful.

Townsend’s lyrical writing burrows its way into your soul and refuses to let go. At one point, he remembers a scrappy lone tree in Costa Rica taking a beating from the salty waves, but still managing to adapt and survive. It’s a powerful description offered alongside a memory from during Diana’s treatment l. His profound observations of the universe and how they can help us see our lives differently, are gripping and thought-provoking. He offers a unique but powerful lens through which we can view suffering, loss, pain, and grief as more than just terrible circumstances meant to be endured, but opportunities for growth and understanding.

I enormously appreciate the way Townsend writes about science. The acceptance of its flaws and limitations is both sensible and yet profound. “Science becomes its whole self when we don’t try to deify it or demand perfection.” Like humans, science is “basically messy, hopefully striving every day to improve, and capable of astonishing miracles.”

While the strength of Townsend and his family during unthinkable diagnoses is astounding and Herculean, it was Alan and Diana’s love that struck me most. What a thing to love someone so deeply, to truly see someone and know their soul. Diana is portrayed as a determined, thoughtful, intelligent, and fiery woman. Her ambition and drive were balanced with wit and heart. She seemed like an easy person to love.

I applaud Townsend for sharing this story, for himself, Diana, and their daughter. It is a true expression of love.

*Disclaimer: I received this book as an ARC from Grand Central Publishing in exchange for an honest review. All opinions are my own and not influenced in any way by the publisher, author, or any other party involved in this book’s promotion.

[Jack Darida · Rating 3 out of 5]

I walk away from Townsend's story with a mixture of admiration and sadness. Admiration for the depth of his relationships and the beauty of his memories. I also admire his grasp of science and the way he is able to find comfort in it following the loss of his wife. The sadness, however, comes from his dismissal of any consideration of the spiritual realm, and life after death. For him, it is enough that we live on in the hearts of those left behind, and that our molecules remain in the earth around us. I would hope that a man with such scientific knowledge and experience could see patterns and designs in the evidence to lead him beyond the physical to the possibility of a God who brings purpose and meaning to all of life. There is more to our existence than what can be examined in a test tube.

[Jessie · Rating 2 out of 5]

First of all, I am so sorry about what happened to Alan Townsend's family and I wish nothing but the best for Neva. But as an atheist who recently unexpectedly lost my father, making me an adult orphan, this book was not what I expected. I found the subtitle "A scientist's path from Grief to Wonder" to be false. This book is like 95% "widower's memoir gushing about how great his wife was" with a sprinkling of science in general and an even smaller bit of how death is a part of biology and how "we are all made of stardust". Not much about the science of grief or any lessons beyond what I already learned from The Lion King when I was 7. Basically, this is not the Grief book it's being billed as but a depressing as hell Memoir about a family's staggeringly bad luck of duel cancer diagnoses.

[Beth · Rating 3 out of 5]

Townsend overlays his family's multiple medical crises with musings on science, the granular workings of the body and brain, and what it means (physically and mentally) to handle incredibly tough times with fortitude and grace. It reads as very jumbled and at times references far too many books and scientific ideas at once to make a point. All
in all, I did find it interesting.

The part I was waiting for, though, and that never came was the acknowledgment of incredible privilege this family had in the context of the medical system. As scientists, they knew how to ask incredibly granular and detailed questions in order to advocate for their family. They were both at academic institutions with top notch medical research and staff and because of this, were able to take full advantage to get the very best care. At one point, Diana screams at, threatens, and pokes a resident in the chest because he woke her child up and she suffers no consequences (imagine this scenario but substitute a non-white man or woman.) Most importantly, they had the safety net of high income and, I assume, great medical insurance. For me, this lack of acknowledgement was an incredible blind spot for the author. It felt taken for granted and assumed.

[Beanie · Rating 3 out of 5]

Alan Townsend's book "This Ordinary Stardust" is a memoir about his wife and daughter's battles with cancer. It integrates science with his family's medical issues and is deeply emotional. However, the book's heavy use of technical jargon, scientific references, and the author's tendency to veer off into unrelated memories detracted from the emotional narrative. As a result, the book felt disjointed and erratic.

The book offers moments of profound personal trauma, mainly when Townsend reflects on his grief and the solace he finds in science. These moments shine, giving readers a glimpse into the deep emotional strength and intellectual curiosity that guide him through such overwhelming hardship. However, the frequent scientific asides and complex explanations can feel disjointed, pulling the reader out of the story's emotional core. His lack of spirituality and seeming inability to accept anything that is not scientifically proven challenged me.

Townsend's memoir is undeniably heartfelt, and he provides a beautiful image of his wife and her strength of character. However, despite the deep trauma of this book, I could not connect with him due to his constant sidebar narratives and forays into science. It required bravery to write this book and expose his vulnerability as he did, which merits 3 stars.

[Bella · Rating 4 out of 5]

Oh friends, let me tell you, I cried. What a beautiful homage to one's partner, as well as a thoughtful mediation on curiosity and how it so frequently grounds & saves us. Townsend writes that he is a scientist and approaches the world as such, but I finished this thinking that the "scientific mindset" he describes is one shared by non-scientists—the artists, the educators, the social scientists, the philosophers, etc., etc.—too. Is it idealistic to ask if we can unite in our wonder? We can only try.

[Terra · Rating 5 out of 5]

Beautifully written, terribly sad, thoughtfully reassuring.

This is a memoir I will be thinking about for a long time. It is about the impermanence of life, or perhaps the impermanence of moments, while life continues on in new forms, as seen in the universe and nature. I can already tell this is a definite contender for a favourite read of 2025.

[Amy Hotler · Rating 4 out of 5]

A bit of an emotional roller coaster, flipping between specific scientific concepts and devastating grief. The science nerd in me was captivated and I appreciated reading the scientist’s perspective. I can’t imagine the journey of writing this book after such a deep loss.

[Tammy]

The writing is just not for me. I read this book hoping to glean some meaning in grief, but all of the meandering side stories and overly descriptive language wasn’t for me.
I can see how the author gains some insight from science but it failed to hit the mark for me.

[Tom · Rating 5 out of 5]

A moving tribute to his wife, his family and his friends and a peek at that which makes us all human.

[MKF · Rating 3 out of 5]

I stayed up all night reading this book and found it very emotional.

[Anne Hanson · Rating 5 out of 5]

It is an extraordinary and vulnerable story interwoven with meaningful science analogies and thoughtful quotes. I highly recommend this book.

[Tara Sypien]

It feels wrong rating a grief memoir.

[Tamara D · Rating 5 out of 5]

Reading this with my dear sister experiencing the same cancer as the author’s wife made this a difficult but worthwhile experience. Looking at death from the author’s scientific view, which focuses on our interconnectedness and the reality that we are made of matter which never disappears after we pass gave me comfort. The author recounts how deep his grief was and is, but that knowing his wife’s essence will never really be gone gave him the courage to go on.

A wonderful book that is helping me look at death and grief and carrying on in a new and helpful way.

[Ebirdy · Rating 5 out of 5]

Gorgeous, heart breaking, hopeful.

[Zuzana Meres · Rating 4 out of 5]

Prvých 20% sa mi lúskalo ťažko ale nakoniec som pri tom revala ako decko. Láska, s ktorou to bolo písané ma až ohromila. 😭👌

[Jeff Hemond · Rating 5 out of 5]

Incredible is really all I can say. Unique and relatable all in its own way.

[MaryAnne · Rating 4 out of 5]

A beautiful meditation on science while documenting the agony of having both his wife and daughter being diagnosed with brain cancer. Townsend uses science to understand his world and work through his grief. His musings are at times perfect and beautiful and other times a bit too sciency for me. Overall, a beautiful tribute to his wife and her life journey.

[Airelle Grimaud · Rating 3 out of 5]

Some really good messages and perspectives to look at life. I may just be dumb but some of the science was to much for me over all a good read I’d recommend to those in the science community or those struggling with grief

[Morgan · Rating 3 out of 5]

This Ordinary Stardust is about the author and his family dealing with the cancer diagnosis of his daughter and wife. Townsend uses his experience as a scientist to deal and find hope within uncontrollable situations. I found his insight as a scientist very interesting and thought provoking. My main issue with the book is the writing.