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Fighting for Our Friendships: The Science and Art of Conflict and Connection in Women's Relationships
Why are women's friendships so deep yet so fragile? Friendship coach and educator Danielle Bayard Jackson unpacks the latest research about women's cooperation and communication, while sharing practical strategies to preserve and strengthen these relationships.
Fighting for Our Friendships is one part textbook, one part handbook. Readers will not only learn what the latest research has to say about the mechanics of women's friendships, but they'll walk away with real-life solutions for the most common conflicts that arise in their platonic relationships. Using a combination of psychology, science, narrative, and a few of the author's signature scripts and out-of-the-box exercises, readers will
The three "affinities" that bring women together (and tear them apart) Scripts to navigate nine of the most challenging "friend types" (and how to know which one you are) The covert strategies women use to hurt each other (and how to avoid them) How to have a hard conversation with a friend (without losing the friendship) Surprising ways that women's people-pleasing delays platonic intimacy (and how to stop it) How to know if a friendship is worth saving (and what to do to recover) How to make (and deepen!) connections with other women In a time when we are often encouraged to opt out of friendships at any sign of friction, Danielle Bayard Jackson is showing us how to opt in.
Fighting for Our Friendships is one part textbook, one part handbook. Readers will not only learn what the latest research has to say about the mechanics of women's friendships, but they'll walk away with real-life solutions for the most common conflicts that arise in their platonic relationships. Using a combination of psychology, science, narrative, and a few of the author's signature scripts and out-of-the-box exercises, readers will
The three "affinities" that bring women together (and tear them apart) Scripts to navigate nine of the most challenging "friend types" (and how to know which one you are) The covert strategies women use to hurt each other (and how to avoid them) How to have a hard conversation with a friend (without losing the friendship) Surprising ways that women's people-pleasing delays platonic intimacy (and how to stop it) How to know if a friendship is worth saving (and what to do to recover) How to make (and deepen!) connections with other women In a time when we are often encouraged to opt out of friendships at any sign of friction, Danielle Bayard Jackson is showing us how to opt in.
250 pages, Kindle Edition
Published May 7, 2024
310 people are currently reading
4195 people want to read
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 199 reviews
August 4, 2024
This book might not reach everyone the same, but it really spoke to me when I needed it. I borrowed it from the library and now want to own my own copy to underline and carry advice with me.
Relationships can be hard and especially as my friends enter different eras and live in different states. I want to be close forever and also make new friends and always be accessible and confident and reliable, but I am human AND my friends are human, and this book highlighted that most of the time people aren’t the issue, there is simply an issue two friends need to work through. Does that make sense?
I’m rambling, but I would recommend this to any of my girlfriends looking for some encouragement and perspective.
Relationships can be hard and especially as my friends enter different eras and live in different states. I want to be close forever and also make new friends and always be accessible and confident and reliable, but I am human AND my friends are human, and this book highlighted that most of the time people aren’t the issue, there is simply an issue two friends need to work through. Does that make sense?
I’m rambling, but I would recommend this to any of my girlfriends looking for some encouragement and perspective.
June 10, 2024
I have been a fan of the author’s podcast Friend Forward for a while so I was excited to read this book and it did not disappoint!
This book was so insightful and helpful in decoding female friendships. It has lots of research but very practical.
So often in female friendships we can result to being passive aggressive and never truly communicate issues that are bothering us, but in this book Danielle gives us the tools we need to have hard conversations, communicate effectively and fight for our friendships so we can be a better friend in general.
This book was a timely read for me. As I enter into my 30s this year, I’ve been reflecting a lot on what it means to be a good and faithful friend and the type of women I want to cultivate deeper friendships with. Constantly cycling through friends can be exhausting and you lose the energy to want to fight for friendship or make new connections. Danielle’s words helped me be less pessimistic and have some hope for putting myself back out there.
I enjoyed how this book gave different friendship scenarios and how to navigate them. She included a lot of personal testimony and I think that made the book so interesting because you feel like she’s not just dishing out tips, but can actually empathize with you in your friendship struggles. This is a book I can see myself going back to time and time again for sure!
This book was so insightful and helpful in decoding female friendships. It has lots of research but very practical.
So often in female friendships we can result to being passive aggressive and never truly communicate issues that are bothering us, but in this book Danielle gives us the tools we need to have hard conversations, communicate effectively and fight for our friendships so we can be a better friend in general.
This book was a timely read for me. As I enter into my 30s this year, I’ve been reflecting a lot on what it means to be a good and faithful friend and the type of women I want to cultivate deeper friendships with. Constantly cycling through friends can be exhausting and you lose the energy to want to fight for friendship or make new connections. Danielle’s words helped me be less pessimistic and have some hope for putting myself back out there.
I enjoyed how this book gave different friendship scenarios and how to navigate them. She included a lot of personal testimony and I think that made the book so interesting because you feel like she’s not just dishing out tips, but can actually empathize with you in your friendship struggles. This is a book I can see myself going back to time and time again for sure!
May 30, 2024
I received an advanced copy of the book & also bought the audiobook on release day (today) since I like to listen to books while running. I love that the author narrated her own book. I really appreciate how this book broke down the nuances of female friendships & gave actionable tips for improving your existing friendships & what to look for when forming new ones. A must read for all women, especially my fellow millennials, who have realized maintaining & making friends as adult is more complicated than it was when we were still in school.
August 14, 2024
I was so excited for this one too.
Pros: I like the emphasis on research, although I wanted a lot more of it. There are a lot of practical tips here.
Cons: This book might be really helpful for someone in their early twenties who is just starting to navigate friendships that aren't based solely on proximity. If you're older and/or have relatively stable friendships, this is going to feel really surface level.
My biggest complaint is how heavily the book relies on gendered stereotypes. Even though the author warns against gender essentialism at times, she repeatedly paints women as catty, needy, petty and vindictive. The book continually felt like how to survive the inherent cattiness of other women, rather than discussing how relationships in general increase in potential for conflict as they increase in emotional intimacy. This was acknowledged but didn't seem to deeply inform the writing.
I don't think this was necessarily a bad book. It just wasn't for me.
Pros: I like the emphasis on research, although I wanted a lot more of it. There are a lot of practical tips here.
Cons: This book might be really helpful for someone in their early twenties who is just starting to navigate friendships that aren't based solely on proximity. If you're older and/or have relatively stable friendships, this is going to feel really surface level.
My biggest complaint is how heavily the book relies on gendered stereotypes. Even though the author warns against gender essentialism at times, she repeatedly paints women as catty, needy, petty and vindictive. The book continually felt like how to survive the inherent cattiness of other women, rather than discussing how relationships in general increase in potential for conflict as they increase in emotional intimacy. This was acknowledged but didn't seem to deeply inform the writing.
I don't think this was necessarily a bad book. It just wasn't for me.
May 14, 2025
Totally amazing and insightful. Buying the physical or kindle copy to support this work. Finished the last two chapters as I was doing a legs workout in a women only gym with so much strong feminine energy around me. More thoughts to come! I recommend it to all the women in my life. I love you and you will thank me for this.
April 2, 2024
Danielle Bayard Jackson provides a 360-degree view of common friendship conflicts and offers caring, effective scripts anyone could use to diffuse tense or awkward situations with their friends. This book is ESSENTIAL reading for anyone looking to diagnose and address universal hiccups in adult friendships.
Jackson’s warm, highly relatable writing will make you feel like you’re engaged in a one-on-one coaching session with her. Her thoughtful advice and carefully researched suggestions will not only make you a more confident friend when conflicts arise but also a more compassionate, nurturing friend too.
I recommend this book to anyone looking to level up their friendship skills.
Jackson’s warm, highly relatable writing will make you feel like you’re engaged in a one-on-one coaching session with her. Her thoughtful advice and carefully researched suggestions will not only make you a more confident friend when conflicts arise but also a more compassionate, nurturing friend too.
I recommend this book to anyone looking to level up their friendship skills.
January 10, 2025
I think if I was in a different stage of life I would’ve found this more useful. I was hoping for mostly science, but it’s a lot of self help-y. Not bad, and some interesting thoughts and ideas but not was I was hoping for. Regardless I like this author from her social content so kept listening.
May 17, 2024
This book is timely: in a world where the collective has sworn off people pleasing and turned to cutting off friends who don't intuitively understand our needs, the collective seems to be missing an important step in the process of setting better boundaries: navigating the conflicts of our opposing needs in friendships with grace and love.
This book breaks down the mechanics of female friendship in the first several chapters and helps identify the core tenants of friendship that must be protected at all costs. I would have appreciated deeper insight in this part, but we needed to hurry along to the second half of the book and learn about what these conflicts may look like in various friendships.
The author holds both sides of friendships responsible for navigating conflicts: no, ghosting your friends or cutting them off without trying to set a boundary isn't kind, it's traumatizing. She holds the reader responsible for their own feelings and emphasizes how fundamental attribution error makes us think our mistakes are due to the situation, but our friend's mistakes are due to her character. She lovingly boinks the reader with reminders that "she should have known better" is asking our friends to read our minds, and until we speak up, she actually couldn't have known better.
The author outlines common types of friend issues in the second half of the book, such as the needy friend, the flakey friend, etc. Here the author tries to take the middle road between community mindset versus individualist philosophy and still hold nuance for both sides, which turns into a "Here's how to talk to your bad friend, and if it still makes you feel bad, release your friendship." While the author offers scripts for having conversions and negotiating our needs that are consistent with conflict resolution books like "Non-Violent Communication," and she encourages the reader to emphasize with their friend's situation, every chapter ends with "How to know if it's time to release the friendship." Since the author wrote this in a step-by-step format, the conclusion seems to be: if your friend doesn't change after a talk, snip snip. This is where the author's message gets watered down by generalizations that don't offer clarity on when to discard a friendship. I'm left with questions: At what point is a flakey friend toxic? Is a flakey friend really a "bad friend", especially if she's struggling with ADHD—as the author pointed out? Taken at face value, if the ADHD flakey friend cannot change after one conversation—which I have yet to meet an ADHD girlie who has her brain chemistry fixed by a conversation—does this mean that she deserves for everyone to "release her friendship"?
The second half of the book starts to muddy the message of the first half of the book: that true intimacy grows in conflicts. The line that left me feeling confused and unsettled was when the author lists signs that it's time to release a friendship: "The friendship leaves you feeling stressed." But doesn't all conflict make us feel stressed? The author describes personal stories where her friends patiently help her navigate unfaithful boyfriends, stressful work environments, and college party eras. She uses these examples to show how sacred friendship is, but though she appreciates way their kindness and patience healed and grew her as an individual, the second half of the book could use more clarity on when someone needs patience, and when they need to be abandoned. While I noted and appreciated the author's attempts to discourage the reader from labeling her friendships and abandoning them with a sense of moralistic superiority—something that is all too common as the collective is learning how to detach from people-pleasing without learning how to manage emotional regulation—the way the chapters labeled problem friends as "The Flakey Friend" still felt like we were learning how to hypervigilantly label our friends and then discard them after attempting to negotiate our needs. Considering that in recent years loneliness has been reported to be on the rise among millennial women, we desperately need ways to restore community. I was left wondering if there was yet another step missing in the how-to guide of managing conflict. And I'm especially disappointed because one of the possible answers I was seeking was already answered by the author herself in one of her tiktok videos, but it was somehow missing from her book.
In one of Danielle's tiktoks, she shared, "If you're not getting your needs met by your friend, you may need to make more friends."
This seems to be a more logistical approach to managing the flakey friend or the needy friend. Because after doing the author's homework of discussing boundaries and then "releasing" the friend, wouldn't one still need to start over and make new friends anyways? And while the author tries to insert grace into the business of "releasing" a friend, there simply isn't a way to do it without traumatizing the person who felt safety in a friendship before being abandoned. I found Danielle's advice from her tiktok useful: in most instances, instead of zeroing in on the way a friendship isn't meeting a particular need, I can communicate my feelings and find refuge in other friendships that are meeting that particular need. Over time, I learned that various friends meet various needs and I grew to appreciate the friend for the ways she is able to show support.
While the author attempts to help the reader understand that emotionally regulation will keep us from punishing our friends via abandonment, I would have appreciated more clarity on when that abandonment is truly necessary.
Finally, I loved the author's perspective of the unique experience that Black women have in female friendships, working against the harmful stereotype of the angry black woman while navigating important conflicts. However, the author lacked the intersectional perspective of neurodivergent and disabled persons, which is essential to the conversation. With nearly an entire book written to decode the unspoken rules and social cues of female friendships, there should at least be a mention of how neurodivergent and autistic women suffer the most from unspoken social cues. Autistic women struggle with exclusion, rejection, bullying, loneliness, and suicide at concerning rates, and with nearly 10% of the population being neurodivergent, that means one in ten friends is struggling to decode hints of needs and boundaries more than the others. Part of restoring community building is including everyone, and there are times that the author leans into individualistic self-preservation in ways that made me shudder to think of how her advice may inadvertently exclude and reject even more autistic women. I also felt that the topic of disability was lacking—there are times that our friends with chronic illnesses, sensory issues, and handicaps may require more support, and is that also meant to be handled with a quippy script setting a firmer boundary? Again, I was left confused.
Finally, the author's chapter on gossip lacked clarity and a clear definition of exactly what harmful gossip is. There seemed to be more of a reflection of the author's puritanical ideals around her Christian views of gossip than a careful and naunced approach to when gossip helps, and when it hurts. While the author admitted that gossip has historically helped protect communities, she seems unclear herself about when information exchange is helping communities. Her reference left out the other observations made by the same study of historical gossip: that is helps communities learn from each other about social contracts. Her example of a group of friends neutrally discussing how a mutual friend was discovered to have class differences from them was a poor example, because conversations about class consciousness do in fact help communities. I was left wondering what conversations the author wanted us to have if we are not to discuss our friends at all: can we have intellectual conversations where we learn together about the world around us through the lives of those we know best? Can we unpack systems and patterns of human behaviors through those we see clearest? Isn't that actually what gossip historically helps us do; isn't the helping part not just warning each other about predators, but also to grow wiser as a pack? While I agree with the author that some gossip tears down reputations and communities, I was left even more confused by the generalization of what gossip is, and what it isn't.
Overall, while the author could benefit from more research and nuance in the topics I've outlined, I still feel that the book is a timely solution to a collective who is trying to approach our friendships with more grace. She expertly uses the research on conflict resolution and female friendships to create a guidebook that holds more grace for ourselves and our friends. I would recommend this book to any woman.
This book breaks down the mechanics of female friendship in the first several chapters and helps identify the core tenants of friendship that must be protected at all costs. I would have appreciated deeper insight in this part, but we needed to hurry along to the second half of the book and learn about what these conflicts may look like in various friendships.
The author holds both sides of friendships responsible for navigating conflicts: no, ghosting your friends or cutting them off without trying to set a boundary isn't kind, it's traumatizing. She holds the reader responsible for their own feelings and emphasizes how fundamental attribution error makes us think our mistakes are due to the situation, but our friend's mistakes are due to her character. She lovingly boinks the reader with reminders that "she should have known better" is asking our friends to read our minds, and until we speak up, she actually couldn't have known better.
The author outlines common types of friend issues in the second half of the book, such as the needy friend, the flakey friend, etc. Here the author tries to take the middle road between community mindset versus individualist philosophy and still hold nuance for both sides, which turns into a "Here's how to talk to your bad friend, and if it still makes you feel bad, release your friendship." While the author offers scripts for having conversions and negotiating our needs that are consistent with conflict resolution books like "Non-Violent Communication," and she encourages the reader to emphasize with their friend's situation, every chapter ends with "How to know if it's time to release the friendship." Since the author wrote this in a step-by-step format, the conclusion seems to be: if your friend doesn't change after a talk, snip snip. This is where the author's message gets watered down by generalizations that don't offer clarity on when to discard a friendship. I'm left with questions: At what point is a flakey friend toxic? Is a flakey friend really a "bad friend", especially if she's struggling with ADHD—as the author pointed out? Taken at face value, if the ADHD flakey friend cannot change after one conversation—which I have yet to meet an ADHD girlie who has her brain chemistry fixed by a conversation—does this mean that she deserves for everyone to "release her friendship"?
The second half of the book starts to muddy the message of the first half of the book: that true intimacy grows in conflicts. The line that left me feeling confused and unsettled was when the author lists signs that it's time to release a friendship: "The friendship leaves you feeling stressed." But doesn't all conflict make us feel stressed? The author describes personal stories where her friends patiently help her navigate unfaithful boyfriends, stressful work environments, and college party eras. She uses these examples to show how sacred friendship is, but though she appreciates way their kindness and patience healed and grew her as an individual, the second half of the book could use more clarity on when someone needs patience, and when they need to be abandoned. While I noted and appreciated the author's attempts to discourage the reader from labeling her friendships and abandoning them with a sense of moralistic superiority—something that is all too common as the collective is learning how to detach from people-pleasing without learning how to manage emotional regulation—the way the chapters labeled problem friends as "The Flakey Friend" still felt like we were learning how to hypervigilantly label our friends and then discard them after attempting to negotiate our needs. Considering that in recent years loneliness has been reported to be on the rise among millennial women, we desperately need ways to restore community. I was left wondering if there was yet another step missing in the how-to guide of managing conflict. And I'm especially disappointed because one of the possible answers I was seeking was already answered by the author herself in one of her tiktok videos, but it was somehow missing from her book.
In one of Danielle's tiktoks, she shared, "If you're not getting your needs met by your friend, you may need to make more friends."
This seems to be a more logistical approach to managing the flakey friend or the needy friend. Because after doing the author's homework of discussing boundaries and then "releasing" the friend, wouldn't one still need to start over and make new friends anyways? And while the author tries to insert grace into the business of "releasing" a friend, there simply isn't a way to do it without traumatizing the person who felt safety in a friendship before being abandoned. I found Danielle's advice from her tiktok useful: in most instances, instead of zeroing in on the way a friendship isn't meeting a particular need, I can communicate my feelings and find refuge in other friendships that are meeting that particular need. Over time, I learned that various friends meet various needs and I grew to appreciate the friend for the ways she is able to show support.
While the author attempts to help the reader understand that emotionally regulation will keep us from punishing our friends via abandonment, I would have appreciated more clarity on when that abandonment is truly necessary.
Finally, I loved the author's perspective of the unique experience that Black women have in female friendships, working against the harmful stereotype of the angry black woman while navigating important conflicts. However, the author lacked the intersectional perspective of neurodivergent and disabled persons, which is essential to the conversation. With nearly an entire book written to decode the unspoken rules and social cues of female friendships, there should at least be a mention of how neurodivergent and autistic women suffer the most from unspoken social cues. Autistic women struggle with exclusion, rejection, bullying, loneliness, and suicide at concerning rates, and with nearly 10% of the population being neurodivergent, that means one in ten friends is struggling to decode hints of needs and boundaries more than the others. Part of restoring community building is including everyone, and there are times that the author leans into individualistic self-preservation in ways that made me shudder to think of how her advice may inadvertently exclude and reject even more autistic women. I also felt that the topic of disability was lacking—there are times that our friends with chronic illnesses, sensory issues, and handicaps may require more support, and is that also meant to be handled with a quippy script setting a firmer boundary? Again, I was left confused.
Finally, the author's chapter on gossip lacked clarity and a clear definition of exactly what harmful gossip is. There seemed to be more of a reflection of the author's puritanical ideals around her Christian views of gossip than a careful and naunced approach to when gossip helps, and when it hurts. While the author admitted that gossip has historically helped protect communities, she seems unclear herself about when information exchange is helping communities. Her reference left out the other observations made by the same study of historical gossip: that is helps communities learn from each other about social contracts. Her example of a group of friends neutrally discussing how a mutual friend was discovered to have class differences from them was a poor example, because conversations about class consciousness do in fact help communities. I was left wondering what conversations the author wanted us to have if we are not to discuss our friends at all: can we have intellectual conversations where we learn together about the world around us through the lives of those we know best? Can we unpack systems and patterns of human behaviors through those we see clearest? Isn't that actually what gossip historically helps us do; isn't the helping part not just warning each other about predators, but also to grow wiser as a pack? While I agree with the author that some gossip tears down reputations and communities, I was left even more confused by the generalization of what gossip is, and what it isn't.
Overall, while the author could benefit from more research and nuance in the topics I've outlined, I still feel that the book is a timely solution to a collective who is trying to approach our friendships with more grace. She expertly uses the research on conflict resolution and female friendships to create a guidebook that holds more grace for ourselves and our friends. I would recommend this book to any woman.
February 24, 2025
for me, 3.5 rounded up to a 4. nothing in this book shocked or astounded me, but it did affirm to me things i've long known and/or suspected about friendship between women. the scenarios are clarifying and the way she lays out the different types of needs/worries people bring to their friendships was helpful. overall, nothing groundbreaking for me but useful reminders worth reading and remembering.
November 3, 2025
I love my friends and it’s important to me to be a good friend! Friendships are never stagnant, so I liked the perspective this book gave on how to stay close during seasons of change. Good examples of how to have hard conversations, how to support, and how to make new friends as an adult. Idk if this book is life changing news, but good food-for-thought about how I show up for the people I care about.
October 12, 2024
It was good! I have thought about it and recommended it to others since reading it. It’s a really practical book about how women’s platonic relationships develop, and can be incredibly strong or incredibly toxic.
I appreciated how she structured it. I think back to some issues I had as a missionary with my companions or with roommates in college or my sisters and I think the ideas she has could be really helpful!
Its also just a great summary on relationships in general, not just women’s relationships. All relationships require communication, accountability and honesty if you want it to succeed. Friendships included!
I appreciated how she structured it. I think back to some issues I had as a missionary with my companions or with roommates in college or my sisters and I think the ideas she has could be really helpful!
Its also just a great summary on relationships in general, not just women’s relationships. All relationships require communication, accountability and honesty if you want it to succeed. Friendships included!
May 8, 2025
Interesting and thought provoking. Our friendships are worth fighting for and worth the same hard work we give our romantic relationships. 🫶🏼🩷
Read
April 22, 2024*thanks to the publisher for an ARC; all thoughts are my own*
I really liked the ancedotes and the research that supported this book. I think about friendship a lot and while this book didn't present anything earth shattering it did discuss topics that I am interested in. Parts of it felt very validating in terms of past feelings I've had.
Where it lost me was in the presentation of the different types of friends. The sections were too long and I didn't feel that they provided much value to the book as a whole. I also felt that some of her suggestions in phrasing were a bit too formal and would feel unnatural for me to use with my friends.
It also felt very "self help-y" at times which with the author being a "friendship coach" makes sense, but it was a time.
Overall I would recommend the first and third part of this book, but the section can be skimmed.
I really liked the ancedotes and the research that supported this book. I think about friendship a lot and while this book didn't present anything earth shattering it did discuss topics that I am interested in. Parts of it felt very validating in terms of past feelings I've had.
Where it lost me was in the presentation of the different types of friends. The sections were too long and I didn't feel that they provided much value to the book as a whole. I also felt that some of her suggestions in phrasing were a bit too formal and would feel unnatural for me to use with my friends.
It also felt very "self help-y" at times which with the author being a "friendship coach" makes sense, but it was a time.
Overall I would recommend the first and third part of this book, but the section can be skimmed.
September 9, 2024
I've been following Danielle on social media for years, and I was excited to read her book when she announced it.
She explores female friendship, shedding light on how we form connections and navigate conflicts. Danielle discusses healthy conflict, the consequences of avoiding it, and the complexities of friendship dynamics.
She explains the different types of friendships we may have, with advice on how to interact during conflicts.
You gain insights into your own role as a friend, how to recover from conflict, when to apologize, and when it might be time to let go of a friendship.
The book also covers how to form new friendships, deepen existing ones, and learn valuable lessons from past relationships.
The book is packed with real examples and tips for addressing and resolving conflict. Each chapter includes reflection questions.
I highly recommend this one!
She explores female friendship, shedding light on how we form connections and navigate conflicts. Danielle discusses healthy conflict, the consequences of avoiding it, and the complexities of friendship dynamics.
She explains the different types of friendships we may have, with advice on how to interact during conflicts.
You gain insights into your own role as a friend, how to recover from conflict, when to apologize, and when it might be time to let go of a friendship.
The book also covers how to form new friendships, deepen existing ones, and learn valuable lessons from past relationships.
The book is packed with real examples and tips for addressing and resolving conflict. Each chapter includes reflection questions.
I highly recommend this one!
May 21, 2024
“Our friends are not mind readers. Even when it comes to something we feel should be obvious and intuitive like how to show up for us, we have to realize that we’ll never achieve a level of closeness that transcends the need to communicate.” Oof. 5/5 read.
Tarot card pairing: 5 of Swords. In my opinion 5 of Swords is about experiencing conflict that requires us to reframe our thinking and/or openly communicate to resolve it. Healthy conflict v.s. ego conflict of the 5 of Wands.
Tarot card pairing: 5 of Swords. In my opinion 5 of Swords is about experiencing conflict that requires us to reframe our thinking and/or openly communicate to resolve it. Healthy conflict v.s. ego conflict of the 5 of Wands.
May 23, 2025
‘Jesus (is) the ultimate model of friendship’ a peculiar choice for a book concerning the complexities of female friendships.
March 23, 2025
This book speaks to you as if you have no common social skills, but it did remind me to reconnect or make more of an effort with a few people so I bumped it up a star. She lost me again by listing Jesus first in the end acknowledgements.
June 24, 2024
Everyone (and especially every woman) should read this book. It has helped me examine how I view friendship, what I value in friendships, and I feel better equipped to handle tense situations with friends. Female friendships are so powerful and complicated but it is rarely discussed like it is in this book.
I feel I am now a better friend just for having read this.
I feel I am now a better friend just for having read this.
November 4, 2025
Felt a little basic/common sense overall, but there were some insightful tidbits and good reflection points.
“Expressing your boundaries is like giving your friends a page from the handbook on how to love you well.”
“Expressing your boundaries is like giving your friends a page from the handbook on how to love you well.”
June 5, 2024
The emergence of this book was very timely in my life. When a person is in transition, the relationships around you will likely shift as well. Sometimes relationships make the transition and sometimes they do not. This book gives you the insight, the tools, and the resources to navigate friendships with care and love for all involved. This book will affirm you, teach you, hold you accountable, and hug you all at the same time. The author is very transparent and uses herself as an example of how to navigate the good and the bad moments of relationships. This book is an excellent resource on friendships, which is currently an underserved topic, especially in a world where friendships are the foundational element of all relationships. Excellent read and an excellent tool to have on hand to revisit from time to time. Highly recommend.
September 30, 2024
While there were sections that I found interesting, most of this seemed a bit juvenile, with too many blanket statements. This would be useful mostly to a very particular personality type.
December 3, 2025
I really enjoyed this book and I’m thankful to people like the author who are studying the topic of female friendship. I read this at a time in my life when I really needed it—early thirties, living abroad, trying to keep old friendships healthy and afloat from a distance, while balancing my career, relationship, health, new friendships, etc. I’ve struggled with friendship my whole life, from when I was a timid, anxious little girl to my teen years when I just wanted to feel loved and be my true self with my girlfriends. I think there is something for every type of woman and every type of friend in this book. You can see yourself in every chapter. It really helped me to understand that the way I feel is normal and okay (I’m not too much!) and it helped me better define some of the friend issues I’ve encountered in my life. I have a greater understanding of both who I am as a friend and who my friends are to me. I will come back to my highlights regularly and will reread it when needed.
February 28, 2025
I just…. Don’t know how people are reading self help. I went into this with an open mind and eager for a new perspective but I left with no new information. I would have liked this to be more research heavy or less concerned with being therapy speak PC or SOMETHING but it was basically just 235 pages of things I already knew. The one good line in that did give me some pause was “It helps to remember that the ending of a friendship is not necessarily a failure. And it doesn't mean that the friendship was a bad experience.
It just means that it's over.”
It just means that it's over.”
September 7, 2024
With a dedication “To all the girls I’ve loved before.”
How can you not think about all of your friendship heartbreaks, drifts and fall outs? There are so many complex emotions and rules to a die hard friendship and Danielle does a beautiful job at guiding us through it! This was an eye opener, a tear jerker, and a heart warmer! Pick this up if you ever still think about the friends that got away, or the ones you want closer. You won’t regret it.
How can you not think about all of your friendship heartbreaks, drifts and fall outs? There are so many complex emotions and rules to a die hard friendship and Danielle does a beautiful job at guiding us through it! This was an eye opener, a tear jerker, and a heart warmer! Pick this up if you ever still think about the friends that got away, or the ones you want closer. You won’t regret it.
July 14, 2024
I wanted to like this one. I’ve really enjoyed some of her online content but this fell a little flat for me. Some of the examples she provided on how to resolve friendship issues felt a little too professional sounding. My friendships don’t feel that way and wish her examples came more genuine to the way I experience my friendships.
July 30, 2024
DNF - I thought this book was going to be non-fiction reporting and objective reporting on research that was collected through a number of studies. THIS IS A SELF-HELP BOOK!!!!!!!!!!!!! I only rates low because it was not what I was expecting
June 5, 2024
⭐4.5
Read
July 23, 2024Recommended from a podcast, definitely suggest reading this as an audiobook. Very interesting listen!
August 6, 2024
I thought this was going to be a little more practical and/or relatable. Instead- I found it to be so gender biased Not my favorite.
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