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Ask: Tap Into the Hidden Wisdom of People Around You for Unexpected Breakthroughs In Leadership and Life
Globally recognized expert on learning and leadership, Jeff Wetzler offers a hands-on, surprisingly effective way to find out what others really think, know, and feel. Ask leads to smarter decisions, more creative solutions, and deeper relationships.
Too often, we don’t find out what’s truly on others’ hearts and minds because we don’t know how to ask the right questions in the right ways. Co-founder of Transcend and former international business consultant and Teach for America executive Jeff Wetzler wants to show you how to fix that. In Ask, he brings you a powerful method called The Ask Approach™, based on a simple that tapping into what other people truly think, know, and feel is a game-changing superpower.
In Section I, Wetzler reveals the most common things that people think and feel but often keep to themselves, as well as the key reasons why they choose to withhold information that could be valuable to you and your organization.
Section II delves into the five steps of the Ask Approach, each answering an essential question. Choose How can you awaken your curiosity to make new discoveries and unexpected connections? Make it How do you make it easier for people to tell you hard things? Pose Quality What questions will best tap into the wisdom of anyone you ask? Listen to How can you hear what someone is really trying to tell you? Reflect & How do you turn talk into action? Section III helps you make asking an everyday superpower – not only for yourself but also for your team and organization, as well as for the next generation and society at large.
The skills and messages of Ask could not be more timely. In a fast-changing world where AI is supplanting an increasing range of skills, the ability to learn from and connect with other people is one of the most important, fulfilling and uniquely human capabilities to master.
Too often, we don’t find out what’s truly on others’ hearts and minds because we don’t know how to ask the right questions in the right ways. Co-founder of Transcend and former international business consultant and Teach for America executive Jeff Wetzler wants to show you how to fix that. In Ask, he brings you a powerful method called The Ask Approach™, based on a simple that tapping into what other people truly think, know, and feel is a game-changing superpower.
In Section I, Wetzler reveals the most common things that people think and feel but often keep to themselves, as well as the key reasons why they choose to withhold information that could be valuable to you and your organization.
Section II delves into the five steps of the Ask Approach, each answering an essential question. Choose How can you awaken your curiosity to make new discoveries and unexpected connections? Make it How do you make it easier for people to tell you hard things? Pose Quality What questions will best tap into the wisdom of anyone you ask? Listen to How can you hear what someone is really trying to tell you? Reflect & How do you turn talk into action? Section III helps you make asking an everyday superpower – not only for yourself but also for your team and organization, as well as for the next generation and society at large.
The skills and messages of Ask could not be more timely. In a fast-changing world where AI is supplanting an increasing range of skills, the ability to learn from and connect with other people is one of the most important, fulfilling and uniquely human capabilities to master.
275 pages, Kindle Edition
Published May 7, 2024
93 people are currently reading
1815 people want to read
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Displaying 1 - 27 of 27 reviews
March 24, 2025
I was introduced to Jeff Wetzler about a year ago when he appeared on Ryan Hawk’s Learning Leader podcast. Upfront I will say that you will get the lion’s share of what’s worth getting out of this book by listening to that episode and/or the legion of others Wetzler appeared on to promote the book.
That being said, this book is not entirely unvaluable. I would simply recommend it only to the discerning reader, simply because Wetzler uses a lot of “toxic empathy” buzzwords and fluff to pad and illustrate his main points. This fat needs to be trimmed in order to get any real value out of the book but such trimming is likely above the pay grade of the average reader.
Wetzler’s principal thesis is that humans are inherently ignorant of the “lived experiences” of others and that to their detriment in seeking to be effective teammates and friends. This is true objectively. The natural inclination of the human is self-ward. Wetzler seeks to provide advice to overcome this, and I think he does a decent job.
My issue with Wetzler’s thesis is his implication and inference that everyone’s lived experiences, opinions, and ideas are valuable. That’s objectively not true. He mentions at points some practices to filter certain things out but his general tenor is that everyone’s thoughts and ideas are worth exploring and that’s confusing at best and at worst will cause you great harm.
Short version: there are better books out there that accomplish Wetzler’s intention with this book. Think The Coaching Habit or Supercommunicators. Decent offering here but not worth recommending to many people.
That being said, this book is not entirely unvaluable. I would simply recommend it only to the discerning reader, simply because Wetzler uses a lot of “toxic empathy” buzzwords and fluff to pad and illustrate his main points. This fat needs to be trimmed in order to get any real value out of the book but such trimming is likely above the pay grade of the average reader.
Wetzler’s principal thesis is that humans are inherently ignorant of the “lived experiences” of others and that to their detriment in seeking to be effective teammates and friends. This is true objectively. The natural inclination of the human is self-ward. Wetzler seeks to provide advice to overcome this, and I think he does a decent job.
My issue with Wetzler’s thesis is his implication and inference that everyone’s lived experiences, opinions, and ideas are valuable. That’s objectively not true. He mentions at points some practices to filter certain things out but his general tenor is that everyone’s thoughts and ideas are worth exploring and that’s confusing at best and at worst will cause you great harm.
Short version: there are better books out there that accomplish Wetzler’s intention with this book. Think The Coaching Habit or Supercommunicators. Decent offering here but not worth recommending to many people.
Read
April 26, 2024Jeff Wetzler is recognized as an expert on adult learning and leadership. His book Ask offers a hands-on way to find out what others really think, know, and feel. The goal of this book is helping you to gain the knowledge in making smarter decisions, creative solutions, and build deeper relationships. The premise of this book is to learn to tap into what others really think, know, and feel to empower you. The book is broken down into three sections. Section one reveals the most common things people think and feel but do not tell you and why. Section two unpacks the Ask Approach which will energize you in awakening your curiosity to make new discoveries and unexpected connections. You will discover ways to make it easier for people to tell you hard things. To pose quality questions to tap into the individual you ask. You learn how to listen to learn in discerning what someone is really trying to tell you. One of the most important aspects of this section is learning how to turn talk into action. Section three helps you make you asking an everyday superpower tp benefit yourself, your organization and beyond as a superpower leader.
July 20, 2024
Yes I am reading a biz book right after a menopause one because that one was just DePrEsSinG
This book reminds me of those neurotypical memes where NT people say things but don't mean them, or mean something else entirely, instead of communicating directly like ND types (which would solve the whole problem but anyway)
Ironically this also would've helped me blend in more working with NT types when I worked in corporate a couple of years ago
Notes:
- In many interactions, individuals keep their true thoughts and feelings hidden, creating what organizational expert Chris Argyris calls the “left-hand column.” Argyris, a professor at Harvard, developed this concept to help uncover the gap between what is said and what is truly felt. The “left-hand column” method involves writing down unspoken thoughts alongside actual spoken dialogue, revealing hidden insights that can include struggles and the help needed, genuine opinions on issues, honest feedback, and bold ideas that might seem impractical.
- communication gaps aren’t limited to workplaces; they occur in all types of relationships.
- People often withhold critical information due to fear, power dynamics, or reluctance to confront difficult truths. Encouraging open dialogue can transform interactions, leading to better outcomes and stronger connections. (I would hope this would be common sense but know its not)
- Societal norms often value traditional forms of communication over emotional or intuitive expressions, leading people to withhold valuable insights. (GREAT)
- Some questions may unintentionally prevent learning by being poorly phrased, such as those that are rhetorical or closed-ended. Others may be designed to influence or steer the conversation in a self-serving way. Some questions can come across as offensive or accusatory, putting the other person on the defensive and hindering open dialogue. Instead, aim to ask quality questions designed to help you learn from others. These questions should be clear, direct, and genuine, encouraging honest sharing.
- To truly understand and connect with others, you need to develop the skill of listening to learn.
- (FACTS, EMOTIONS, ACTIONS) You should learn to listen through three channels simultaneously. First, pay attention to the content, which includes the facts and claims being shared. Second, tune into the emotions, noticing the feelings, needs, and desires behind the words. Finally, consider the actions, understanding the intentions and goals motivating the speaker.
- Phrases like “What else?” or “Can you tell me more about that?” encourage the other person to delve deeper into their thoughts and feelings. Often, the most significant insights emerge toward the end of the conversation.
This book reminds me of those neurotypical memes where NT people say things but don't mean them, or mean something else entirely, instead of communicating directly like ND types (which would solve the whole problem but anyway)
Ironically this also would've helped me blend in more working with NT types when I worked in corporate a couple of years ago
Notes:
- In many interactions, individuals keep their true thoughts and feelings hidden, creating what organizational expert Chris Argyris calls the “left-hand column.” Argyris, a professor at Harvard, developed this concept to help uncover the gap between what is said and what is truly felt. The “left-hand column” method involves writing down unspoken thoughts alongside actual spoken dialogue, revealing hidden insights that can include struggles and the help needed, genuine opinions on issues, honest feedback, and bold ideas that might seem impractical.
- communication gaps aren’t limited to workplaces; they occur in all types of relationships.
- People often withhold critical information due to fear, power dynamics, or reluctance to confront difficult truths. Encouraging open dialogue can transform interactions, leading to better outcomes and stronger connections. (I would hope this would be common sense but know its not)
- Societal norms often value traditional forms of communication over emotional or intuitive expressions, leading people to withhold valuable insights. (GREAT)
- Some questions may unintentionally prevent learning by being poorly phrased, such as those that are rhetorical or closed-ended. Others may be designed to influence or steer the conversation in a self-serving way. Some questions can come across as offensive or accusatory, putting the other person on the defensive and hindering open dialogue. Instead, aim to ask quality questions designed to help you learn from others. These questions should be clear, direct, and genuine, encouraging honest sharing.
- To truly understand and connect with others, you need to develop the skill of listening to learn.
- (FACTS, EMOTIONS, ACTIONS) You should learn to listen through three channels simultaneously. First, pay attention to the content, which includes the facts and claims being shared. Second, tune into the emotions, noticing the feelings, needs, and desires behind the words. Finally, consider the actions, understanding the intentions and goals motivating the speaker.
- Phrases like “What else?” or “Can you tell me more about that?” encourage the other person to delve deeper into their thoughts and feelings. Often, the most significant insights emerge toward the end of the conversation.
May 7, 2024
I found this book helpful and engaging.
It starts with a great and powerful insight -- other people know things that it would be helpful for us to know too, and we're not always good either at remembering that or at figuring out the best way to make them feel comfortable enough to want to share those things.
The book has a number of concrete, practical pieces of advice to help you lead with curiosity and do it in a way that will help you really learn and be both more successful and a more empathetic, aware person.
Jeff is a friend of mine and so I was excited to read the book, and I'm really glad I did -- it presents a strong framework and I have already found myself trying to implement its techniques in my work.
It starts with a great and powerful insight -- other people know things that it would be helpful for us to know too, and we're not always good either at remembering that or at figuring out the best way to make them feel comfortable enough to want to share those things.
The book has a number of concrete, practical pieces of advice to help you lead with curiosity and do it in a way that will help you really learn and be both more successful and a more empathetic, aware person.
Jeff is a friend of mine and so I was excited to read the book, and I'm really glad I did -- it presents a strong framework and I have already found myself trying to implement its techniques in my work.
July 21, 2024
In "Ask: Tap Into the Hidden Wisdom of People Around You for Unexpected Breakthroughs in Leadership and Life," Jeff Wetzler highlights the importance of uncovering unspoken thoughts and feelings in communication. This book delves into how understanding hidden insights can transform conversations, fostering deeper connections and leading to better outcomes. By utilizing Wetzler's "ask approach," readers can learn to unlock the hidden wisdom around them and achieve significant breakthroughs in both leadership and life.
Communication often involves hidden truths and unspoken thoughts that, if revealed, can change the dynamics of any interaction. The concept of the "left-hand column," developed by Harvard professor Chris Argyris, illustrates this gap between what is said and what is truly felt. Writing down these unspoken thoughts alongside actual dialogue can uncover struggles, honest opinions, and bold ideas that might otherwise remain hidden. Jeff Wetzler shares an example from his own experience, where significant issues in a training program were not communicated until a crisis emerged. This highlights a common issue: important information is often withheld until it's almost too late. By using the "left-hand column" method, such gaps can be identified, leading to better understanding and problem-solving. Communication gaps are not limited to workplaces; they occur in all types of relationships. People often withhold critical information due to fear, power dynamics, or reluctance to confront difficult truths. Encouraging open dialogue can transform interactions, leading to better outcomes and stronger connections.
Understanding why people often withhold important information is crucial for fostering open communication. Several barriers prevent individuals from speaking up:
1. Fear of Negative Impact: People worry about causing embarrassment, hurt, or tension.
2. Difficulty Articulating Thoughts: The brain processes thoughts faster than one can speak, leading to incomplete expression of ideas.
3. Time and Energy Constraints: Busy schedules and emotional exhaustion can make it difficult to engage in meaningful conversations.
4. Feeling Undervalued: Past experiences of being ignored or dismissed can discourage future sharing.
Overcoming these barriers requires creating a safe, encouraging environment and demonstrating genuine interest in others’ perspectives. Asking questions shows interest and provides encouragement, but some barriers need more than just questions; they require safety, personal connection, patient follow-up, and thoughtful listening. These conditions are part of the ask approach, fostering significant learning, growth, and connection during conversations.
Curiosity is the first step of the ask approach. It involves challenging assumptions and striving to understand others deeply. Using tools like the "ladder of understanding" helps recognize when you've jumped to conclusions and encourages asking questions at each step. Engaging with diverse perspectives is essential. Surround yourself with people who challenge your assumptions to broaden your understanding. Be mindful of curiosity killers, such as emotional hijacking and groupthink. Address these by pausing to reflect on strong emotions and seeking out differing viewpoints. Choosing curiosity unlocks new possibilities, fosters deeper connections, and addresses complex situations more effectively.
Safety is the second step of the ask approach, involving creating a strong connection, opening up, and demonstrating resilience. By fostering an open, trusting environment, you encourage candid communication and create more meaningful and productive interactions. To make it easier for people to share openly:
1. Build Genuine Connections: Learn about others beyond superficial details and share your own stories and vulnerabilities.
2. Choose Comfortable Settings: Opt for spaces that feel neutral and avoid places that highlight power imbalances.
3. Consider Timing: Allow ample, uninterrupted time for conversations and choose moments when both parties can focus fully.
4. Adapt Communication Styles: Use the mode of communication that suits the other person best.
5. Show Genuine Intentions: Be open about your reasons for asking questions and express your need to learn from their perspective.
6. Demonstrate Resilience: Handle honest feedback gracefully and make it clear that their honesty won’t have negative repercussions.
To tap into the wisdom around you, focus on asking quality questions designed to help you learn from others. Avoid questions that shut down inquiry, manipulate, or put others on the defensive. Instead, aim to ask clear, direct, and genuine questions that encourage honest sharing. Quality questions can help explore the other person’s thought process. Start by asking them to share their main conclusion on a topic, then dig deeper to understand the reasons and emotions behind their thoughts. Seek feedback and ideas by phrasing questions that invite thoughtful responses and constructive criticism. The key lies in asking the right kind of questions – open, sincere, and aimed at truly understanding and learning from the other person.
Deep listening is essential for understanding and connecting with others. Set the intention to listen without the goal of fixing, advising, or persuading. Pay attention to content, emotions, and actions simultaneously. Eliminate distractions and focus entirely on the person in front of you. Allow silence to create space for deeper reflection and sharing. Paraphrase what you’ve heard to ensure understanding and ask follow-up questions to delve deeper into their thoughts and feelings. Respect the boundaries of the other person’s sharing. If they seem reluctant to share more, acknowledge their limits and let them know you are open to hearing more whenever they feel ready. This creates a safe environment for future conversations.
The fifth step of the ask approach involves reflecting on what you’ve heard and reconnecting with the person who provided the feedback. Incorporating reflective practices like journaling, coaching, or therapy can further support your reflective process, turning thoughtful feedback into meaningful action and ongoing learning.
1. Sift Through Information: Discern what is worth deeper reflection and differentiate between valuable insights and counterproductive feedback.
2. Engage in Structured Reflection: Consider how the feedback affects your understanding, determine actionable steps, and reflect on deeper assumptions and biases.
3. Reconnect with Gratitude: Express gratitude for the feedback, outline your plans to act on it, and maintain transparency about your decisions.
Applying the five steps of the ask approach – curiosity, creating a safe space, asking the right questions, deep listening, and reflecting and reconnecting – can improve communication, foster deeper connections, and lead to better problem-solving and decision-making. By tapping into the hidden wisdom around you, you can achieve unexpected breakthroughs in both leadership and life.
Communication often involves hidden truths and unspoken thoughts that, if revealed, can change the dynamics of any interaction. The concept of the "left-hand column," developed by Harvard professor Chris Argyris, illustrates this gap between what is said and what is truly felt. Writing down these unspoken thoughts alongside actual dialogue can uncover struggles, honest opinions, and bold ideas that might otherwise remain hidden. Jeff Wetzler shares an example from his own experience, where significant issues in a training program were not communicated until a crisis emerged. This highlights a common issue: important information is often withheld until it's almost too late. By using the "left-hand column" method, such gaps can be identified, leading to better understanding and problem-solving. Communication gaps are not limited to workplaces; they occur in all types of relationships. People often withhold critical information due to fear, power dynamics, or reluctance to confront difficult truths. Encouraging open dialogue can transform interactions, leading to better outcomes and stronger connections.
Understanding why people often withhold important information is crucial for fostering open communication. Several barriers prevent individuals from speaking up:
1. Fear of Negative Impact: People worry about causing embarrassment, hurt, or tension.
2. Difficulty Articulating Thoughts: The brain processes thoughts faster than one can speak, leading to incomplete expression of ideas.
3. Time and Energy Constraints: Busy schedules and emotional exhaustion can make it difficult to engage in meaningful conversations.
4. Feeling Undervalued: Past experiences of being ignored or dismissed can discourage future sharing.
Overcoming these barriers requires creating a safe, encouraging environment and demonstrating genuine interest in others’ perspectives. Asking questions shows interest and provides encouragement, but some barriers need more than just questions; they require safety, personal connection, patient follow-up, and thoughtful listening. These conditions are part of the ask approach, fostering significant learning, growth, and connection during conversations.
Curiosity is the first step of the ask approach. It involves challenging assumptions and striving to understand others deeply. Using tools like the "ladder of understanding" helps recognize when you've jumped to conclusions and encourages asking questions at each step. Engaging with diverse perspectives is essential. Surround yourself with people who challenge your assumptions to broaden your understanding. Be mindful of curiosity killers, such as emotional hijacking and groupthink. Address these by pausing to reflect on strong emotions and seeking out differing viewpoints. Choosing curiosity unlocks new possibilities, fosters deeper connections, and addresses complex situations more effectively.
Safety is the second step of the ask approach, involving creating a strong connection, opening up, and demonstrating resilience. By fostering an open, trusting environment, you encourage candid communication and create more meaningful and productive interactions. To make it easier for people to share openly:
1. Build Genuine Connections: Learn about others beyond superficial details and share your own stories and vulnerabilities.
2. Choose Comfortable Settings: Opt for spaces that feel neutral and avoid places that highlight power imbalances.
3. Consider Timing: Allow ample, uninterrupted time for conversations and choose moments when both parties can focus fully.
4. Adapt Communication Styles: Use the mode of communication that suits the other person best.
5. Show Genuine Intentions: Be open about your reasons for asking questions and express your need to learn from their perspective.
6. Demonstrate Resilience: Handle honest feedback gracefully and make it clear that their honesty won’t have negative repercussions.
To tap into the wisdom around you, focus on asking quality questions designed to help you learn from others. Avoid questions that shut down inquiry, manipulate, or put others on the defensive. Instead, aim to ask clear, direct, and genuine questions that encourage honest sharing. Quality questions can help explore the other person’s thought process. Start by asking them to share their main conclusion on a topic, then dig deeper to understand the reasons and emotions behind their thoughts. Seek feedback and ideas by phrasing questions that invite thoughtful responses and constructive criticism. The key lies in asking the right kind of questions – open, sincere, and aimed at truly understanding and learning from the other person.
Deep listening is essential for understanding and connecting with others. Set the intention to listen without the goal of fixing, advising, or persuading. Pay attention to content, emotions, and actions simultaneously. Eliminate distractions and focus entirely on the person in front of you. Allow silence to create space for deeper reflection and sharing. Paraphrase what you’ve heard to ensure understanding and ask follow-up questions to delve deeper into their thoughts and feelings. Respect the boundaries of the other person’s sharing. If they seem reluctant to share more, acknowledge their limits and let them know you are open to hearing more whenever they feel ready. This creates a safe environment for future conversations.
The fifth step of the ask approach involves reflecting on what you’ve heard and reconnecting with the person who provided the feedback. Incorporating reflective practices like journaling, coaching, or therapy can further support your reflective process, turning thoughtful feedback into meaningful action and ongoing learning.
1. Sift Through Information: Discern what is worth deeper reflection and differentiate between valuable insights and counterproductive feedback.
2. Engage in Structured Reflection: Consider how the feedback affects your understanding, determine actionable steps, and reflect on deeper assumptions and biases.
3. Reconnect with Gratitude: Express gratitude for the feedback, outline your plans to act on it, and maintain transparency about your decisions.
Applying the five steps of the ask approach – curiosity, creating a safe space, asking the right questions, deep listening, and reflecting and reconnecting – can improve communication, foster deeper connections, and lead to better problem-solving and decision-making. By tapping into the hidden wisdom around you, you can achieve unexpected breakthroughs in both leadership and life.
July 21, 2024
Takeaways & Quotes:
In many interactions, individuals keep their true thoughts and feelings hidden, creating what organizational expert Chris Argyris calls the left-hand column. Argyris, a professor at Harvard, developed this concept to help uncover the gap between what is said and what is truly felt.
Surrounding yourself with diverse perspectives is essential. Engage with people who challenge your assumptions to broaden your understanding and foster curiosity, but watch out for the curiosity killers. Emotional hijacking, in which strong emotions like fear, anger, or anxiety stifle curiosity, can be addressed by using these emotions as cues to pause and become more curious about their origins and implications. The pressure for speed and efficiency can hinder curiosity, so help create space for curiosity by slowing down, taking deep breaths, and removing unnecessary tasks from your schedule. Self-think, in which homogenous thinking environments limit curiosity, can be countered by seeking out new or differing points of view to challenge and expand your understanding. By choosing curiosity, you can unlock new possibilities, foster deeper connections, and address complex situations more effectively.
In many interactions, individuals keep their true thoughts and feelings hidden, creating what organizational expert Chris Argyris calls the left-hand column. Argyris, a professor at Harvard, developed this concept to help uncover the gap between what is said and what is truly felt.
Surrounding yourself with diverse perspectives is essential. Engage with people who challenge your assumptions to broaden your understanding and foster curiosity, but watch out for the curiosity killers. Emotional hijacking, in which strong emotions like fear, anger, or anxiety stifle curiosity, can be addressed by using these emotions as cues to pause and become more curious about their origins and implications. The pressure for speed and efficiency can hinder curiosity, so help create space for curiosity by slowing down, taking deep breaths, and removing unnecessary tasks from your schedule. Self-think, in which homogenous thinking environments limit curiosity, can be countered by seeking out new or differing points of view to challenge and expand your understanding. By choosing curiosity, you can unlock new possibilities, foster deeper connections, and address complex situations more effectively.
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
May 7, 2024
I started reading this book figuring it would be interesting and somewhat useful, but that I was likely practicing a lot of what it suggests.
Wrong.
Jeff Wetzler's Ask makes a point we might all regard as at least a bit obvious, but then explores that territory in ways that I found endlessly surprising, provocative, and useful. The book is really well constructed, with different chapters focusing on dimensions of Wetzler's "Ask Approach" and each chapter concluding with summary points and exercises. They are not self-obvious. This book looks like it was two to three decades in gestation -- that's how well thought-out it is, and how well each point is illustrated by a compelling story.
I loved it and will be putting it to use, I suspect, most days of the week. And not only at work, with family and friends as well. Highly recommended.
Wrong.
Jeff Wetzler's Ask makes a point we might all regard as at least a bit obvious, but then explores that territory in ways that I found endlessly surprising, provocative, and useful. The book is really well constructed, with different chapters focusing on dimensions of Wetzler's "Ask Approach" and each chapter concluding with summary points and exercises. They are not self-obvious. This book looks like it was two to three decades in gestation -- that's how well thought-out it is, and how well each point is illustrated by a compelling story.
I loved it and will be putting it to use, I suspect, most days of the week. And not only at work, with family and friends as well. Highly recommended.
June 17, 2025
I had trouble connecting with the stories and writing style. There are plentiful examples, diagrams, and references, but they suffer from over-explaining. The impact and meaning of the stories shared are lost in the often unnecessary details. As a result, it was a boring read for me, despite the excellent content around empowering questions and how to use them in real situations. However, I gleaned a crucial networking concept: B.S. listening, or "back-to-self" listening. This is when someone shares a story or a win, and you respond with something that reminds you of your own story or a win. To avoid this self-centered approach and make it more about them instead, ask three questions, preferably open-ended, before you move "back-to-self".
September 20, 2025
"Ask" starts slow. The first 3 chapters are heavy on foundational concepts, but around chapter 4, Wetzler begins to offer actionable insights. Overall, I thought this was a great book provided that you don't give up on it during the early chapters. If you've read widely in personal/professional development, then skim Ch 1-3 and come back if needed.
I'll also add that if you're looking for quick life hacks then don't waste your money and time. It's funny, the "useless" reviews reveal who reads to extract information and not to actually learn something. This books speaks to the curious individual who cares deeply about relationships and it speaks to lifelong learners. You aren't going to find a magic pill in this read.
I'll also add that if you're looking for quick life hacks then don't waste your money and time. It's funny, the "useless" reviews reveal who reads to extract information and not to actually learn something. This books speaks to the curious individual who cares deeply about relationships and it speaks to lifelong learners. You aren't going to find a magic pill in this read.
November 8, 2025
It isn’t radical or rigorous enough to be worth reading beyond a surface tune-up. It leans therapeutic rather than equipping readers for high-stakes or adversarial problem-solving. Missing are the hard dimensions; how to handle Byzantine faults and asymmetric power games, when not to ask and the cost of asking (i.e. a junior in incident response for basics), how to rank questions, and how to distinguish listening from agreement. There’s no guidance on validating answers through incentives or probability, nor any metrics to track whether one’s questioning actually improves.
September 17, 2024
This is a book by a former TFA executive and education reformer about how to ask good questions for learning, for connecting, and for caring about each other. “We are taught how to read, to write, to speak and defend our opinions, but not to listen,” writes the author. This book takes a few big steps forward and helps humanity ask better questions.
February 16, 2025
Thank you to Goodreads Giveaways for my copy.
I thought it was a really interesting book. It made me realize that I want to be more intentional with my interactions with other people. I have a lot to learn, and I’m sure the people around me could help me immensely in the pursuit of knowledge no matter the topic.
I thought it was a really interesting book. It made me realize that I want to be more intentional with my interactions with other people. I have a lot to learn, and I’m sure the people around me could help me immensely in the pursuit of knowledge no matter the topic.
May 29, 2025
Items of note from the book:
* Too often, we don’t find out what’s truly on others’ hearts and minds because we don’t know how to ask the right questions in the right ways.
* High-quality questions uncover insights and foster meaningful dialogue.
* The more you train yourself to listen for content, emotion, and action, the less you’ll have room to take in external distractions.
* Too often, we don’t find out what’s truly on others’ hearts and minds because we don’t know how to ask the right questions in the right ways.
* High-quality questions uncover insights and foster meaningful dialogue.
* The more you train yourself to listen for content, emotion, and action, the less you’ll have room to take in external distractions.
July 25, 2025
be curious.
my favorite quote in this book was described curiousity being akin to opening the curtains; giving birth to light in messy, dark, disorganized room. when our head is full of anxiety, depression, and hard thought, being curious is sometimes what we need to give ourselves a chance to breathe.
my favorite quote in this book was described curiousity being akin to opening the curtains; giving birth to light in messy, dark, disorganized room. when our head is full of anxiety, depression, and hard thought, being curious is sometimes what we need to give ourselves a chance to breathe.
June 9, 2024
Eh. It's ok. It's not really offering any great advice or insights. A basic self-help book with a work-life angle. Maybe it will be helpful to some people. Positives: the writing style is fine and it's an easy read.
July 4, 2024
Did I just read 300 pages advising me to -- ask? I guess I did. Not a loss, though. There's some practical stuff here. Most of it is making the rounds in similar books, but repetition is the mother of learning.
January 8, 2025
It truly is about asking. The vast majority of us assume and act without asking or even go about live without asking things to ourselves. This book teaches you the importance of asking and the benefits it can bring.
August 24, 2025
Really actionable and useful information, well laid out and explained completely with real world examples. I would definitely recommend this for anyone interested in being a better leader, team member, partner, friend or parent.
August 31, 2025
I did like this book. Not an exciting read by any stretch of the imagination, much more academic and like a textbook. I found so much of what is discussed to be very relevant given the lack of curiosity people seem to have in each other. It’s a good reminder to remain curious.
June 6, 2024
I've leaned a lot from the ladder of knowledge
June 7, 2024
The title says everything. Reading is unnecessary.
July 26, 2024
Highly recommended read on the power of communication, listening and, especially, asking questions.
September 4, 2024
Wetzler’s book is straightforward and chock full of helpful communication ideas. If you want to go deeper in conversations around complex topics, this book offers a road map.
January 5, 2025
Not that earth shattering.
May 7, 2024
This is so much more than a business book - it's a guide for taking your relationships (in every area of your life) to the next level. Full of wisdom, practical tools, and fun stories. Can't recommend enough!
October 17, 2024
Vital for our times
The problem is you think you know what others are thinking. But you don't check out your assumptions. Besides, you don't know how to ask. But Jeff Wetzler will lead you through the process that will bring you unimaginable connections, quell conflicts, and promote mutual understanding.
The problem is you think you know what others are thinking. But you don't check out your assumptions. Besides, you don't know how to ask. But Jeff Wetzler will lead you through the process that will bring you unimaginable connections, quell conflicts, and promote mutual understanding.
May 1, 2025
The book is really good. This deserves a couple of read throughs to allow for the absorption of the strategies.
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