Wild Connection: What Animal Courtship and Mating Tell Us about Human Relationships

by Jennifer L. Verdolin

Wild Kingdom meets Sex and the City in this scientific perspective on dating and relationships.

A specialist in animal behavior compares the courtship rituals and mating behaviors of animals to their human equivalents, revealing the many and often surprising ways we are both similar to and different from other species.

What makes an individual attractive to the opposite sex? Does size matter? Why do we tend to "keep score" in our relationships? From perfume and cosmetics to online dating and therapy, our ultimate goal is to successfully connect with someone. So why is romance such an effort for humans, while animals have little trouble getting it right? 

Wild Connection is full of fascinating and suggestive observations about animal behavior. For example, in most species smell is an important component of determining compatibility. So are we humans doing the right thing by masking our natural scents with soaps and colognes? Royal albatrosses have a lengthy courtship period lasting several years. These birds instinctively know that casual hook-ups are not the way to find a reliable mate. And older female chimpanzees often mate with younger males. Is this the evolutionary basis of the human "cougar" phenomenon?

Fun to read as well as educational, this unique take on the perennial human quest to find the ideal mate shows that we have much to learn from our cousins in the wild.

Genres: Science, Nature, Nonfiction, Relationships, Psychology, Animals, Biology

304 pages, Kindle Edition

First published January 1, 2014

Reviews

[AmberBug com* · Rating 4 out of 5]

Shelf Notes Review

Dear Reader,

This book was so much fun to read. It was exactly what I was expecting and more. I think I annoyed everyone around me with my, "Did you know..." statements. This is that kind of book, the one you have to share every little awesome fact you come across with anyone around you. Don't you just love those kinds of books? Well, I do. While the animal courtship and mating facts had me a-flutter, the comparison with human relationships was a bit less intriguing to me. You see, I've found that someone and this book might have been more relatable in my mate seeking days. Although, everything she says... I agree with.

This is one of those books that you'll either love, get offended or blush and run away from it. Each chapter gives us a glimpse into a mating trait or ritual that can always be related to animal behaviour in some way. She gives examples that span from cockroaches to elephants and everything in between. The animal facts are truly fascinating, and in my opinion, the best part about the book. We get taught how birds will actively seek out certain colored foods to brighten up the colors of their feathers. Why? To get those lady birds of course!

I could go on and on with all the facts I've learned but honestly, I just think you should read the book. What are you waiting for? Go out and buy this book, then read it. Go on... GO!

Happy Reading,
AmberBug

[Mika · Rating 2 out of 5]

Just like the morning paper, the horoscope read by thousands always agree with a handful of people. The same goes for Jennifer Verdolin's theories. There are always behavior in the animal life and human interaction that can be combined to a similarity.

The author who compares herself to a lioness managed to find the right examples. Her wild connection is the link between real research and a small group of friend's dating streak (including hers). A silly book based on discussions and reflections made by her friends. It’s not valid for anything.

Nevertheless, it has its charm. For example she writes about her friend´s period of ovulation: she usually feels men flirting with her Aaaw that’s cute... just like a drunk dude ordering drinks from the female bartender, imagining hitting a home-run. Otherwise, well written and humorous time to time.

[Tommaso Braglia · Rating 4 out of 5]

An easy read.
Pages flow seamlessly and I love the way the author puts herself under the spotlight using real-life examples to explain how we are much more similar to animals than we’d like to think.
I personally think that this book can really open the reader’s eyes to a new way of living / thinking ‘bout love and how it can sometimes work in weird ways.
Maybe love it’s not like in the movies, but it’s hella funny for sure.

[Jess · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book is the best example of interesting, intellectual and hilarious. I loved reading it because I learnt lots of interesting facts that I can easily retell to friends and family, and it still made me chuckle in every single chapter.

It covered a diverse range of animal species, but there were still some interesting parallels to human relationships and behaviours.

This was one of those books that I kept on my bedside table and picked up in between other books to read a few more chapters at a time.

[Leah · Rating 2 out of 5]

I couldn't bring myself to finish this one, which is a rare event for me. I liked the premise, the research and the case studies, but I couldn't move past the author's jocular tone, off-putting familiarity with the audience and often juvenile side comments. Shame, as I was looking forward to this book.

[Ray · Rating 3 out of 5]

The scientific/natural world sections were good but the constant barrage of dating anecdotes relative to the author and her friends was a huge downside. There are better ways to illustrate how we humans are just animals. The anecdotes were just pointless and silly.

[Sherry · Rating 4 out of 5]

Loved the animal facts haha

[Kris Muir · Rating 3 out of 5]

Do animals find pleasure in sex? Are there fundamental mating behaviors across species? Which animals are primarily monogamous? What can we learn from animal behavior that can help us as humans?

“Wild Connection” represents book 12 / 25 for my 2017 reading goal. On balance, it is not a book that I would highly recommend. The author, Jennifer Verdolin, has attempted to write a curious peek into animal mating habits, but she also writes in a style that panders somewhat to the reader, telling multiple personal dating stories and leaving us wondering, in the end, if she has achieved her goal of finding Mr Right.

Along the way, however, there are some intriguing insights into animal behavior that can be applied across many species and even to homo sapiens. I provide them here in list form and 3 larger insights afterward:

-across species, first impressions are made within a split second, and quickly the halo effect comes into play when we meet someone (e.g. our first impression anchors how we react to them much later)

-symmetry matters more than size when gauging physical attractiveness; facial symmetry is “intoxicating"

-smell is crucial and each person’s pheromone signature matters greatly; biologically species are seeking smell in order to maximize diversity and minimize risk of a disease-fighting gene called major-histocompatibility-complex (MHC) genes

-statistically speaking, most women don't rate men with beards as more attractive (damn!)

-deception occurs more among humans (false advertising about your physical features, cosmetics industry, etc.) than among most species, but some species deceive intentionally in order to maximize their mating chances

-some animals go to extreme lengths to mate; male Grévy zebras will harass females that are lactating in hopes that they separate the foal (child) from the mother; if the foal dies then the mother is more likely to mate quickly, thus creating a bizarre case of "indirect infanticide via harassment"

-some animals, mostly reptiles, are able to achieve "virgin" births or parthenogenesis

-across species there are 3 keys to healthy relationships: communication, cooperation and compromise

-cooperation is highly correlated to species that form long term relations--supporting the research that couples that cook/bike/build IKEA furniture together will stay together

-many species will “test run” their mate before committing long term, judging their ability to cooperate fairly and justly, sometimes using a score-keeping strategy of “I help you, you help me” to realize reciprocal altruism, leading the author to surmise that humans should "deliberately create situations where cohesive, coordinated action is required before one gets married"

Here are three more insights, expanded.

Insight #1 is that among many species there is great benefit in hierarchical social structures, which provide stability and predictable access to resources. When this hierarchy is not optimized, bad things happen. One example is sheep on the French island Ile Longue where the lack of alpha males causes anarchy among sheep, which leads to over aggressive behavior and an imbalance of population due to premature death of many female sheep. From this information the author foreshadows that this maladaptive male behavior may have dire consequences among humans in places such as India and China where the gender population is becoming more imbalanced. In her words, "as a consequence of the social practice of killing infant girls, we will see increases in male sexual violence toward females."

Insight #2 is about fidelity and monogamy. The author calls monogamy “a moving target for many species, including humans.” The notion that fidelity exists among humans mainly for social or moral reasons becomes problematic when presented with the research on certain hormones. Vasopressin, which is linked to social bonding, has been found in the same reward center of the brain as sexual motivation and pair bonding. Similar to what I learned in the book "Sapiens" that happiness within humans is nothing more than a biochemical reaction in our bodies, maybe we seek life long partners not because our cultural or moral codes persuade us, but instead because our bodies guide us, physiologically, in the direction of monogamy. Verdolin concludes “as much as humans love to label and categorize things, putting ourselves in a box called monogamous is, as far as I am concerned, unproductive.”

Insight #3 is that we humans take ourselves too seriously, focusing too much energy on how others perceive us. As the author describes the animal kingdom's aversion to socio-psychosomatic stress, "animals don't feel badly about who they are, and unless animals are hunting or being hunted by predators, they don't spend their lives trying to look like or be something they are not."

The greatest insight, however, is that humans and other species have immensely varied lifestyles and habits, but, at the same time, we all share incredible commonalities across species, from lizards to chimpanzees to middle-aged human males. This interconnectedness, the author surmises, should motivate us to “embrace our wild connections and feel part of our whole living planet.”

Happy Reading!

[Jill Ur · Rating 1 out of 5]

I couldn't bring myself to finish this...As a biologist myself, I enjoyed reading about the animal side of things. I didn't care so much for the anecdotes from the author...and her giggling group of friends, and all their dysfunctional relationship attempts. It made me SOOOOO grateful for my husband and our relationship. Again, I enjoyed the science, but the rest was not for me.

[Noelani · Rating 4 out of 5]

Another great book on animal behaviour, though if you're a biologist you are probably already familiar with the studies that she quotes. Very cool ending chapter on how animals are never insecure so we shouldn't be either, and in approaching any problem with yourself (insecurity, etc) you should either change your behaviour, or change your goal.

[Mark McTague · Rating 4 out of 5]

As with any conflict or trouble we face, it is easy to feel that we're all alone, that a solution is too hard to see or simply isn't there, and that others don't have such difficulties, that they sail through life, especially regarding the thorny subject of courtship and mating, aka "finding that special someone." It's also tempting to look at our "life-on-autopilot" brethren of the animal kingdom, sigh, and wonder why it can't be simple for us like it is for them, why we can't be like them and just get on with it.

If those thoughts have crossed your mind, then this book is for you. The author, Jennifer Verdolin, an anthropological and evolutionary biologist at Duke University, has taken a wide-ranging look at courtship and mating in the animal world and has presented a wealth of information, including vignettes from her own experience in the Arena of Love - cheesy, I know, but in keeping with Prof. Verdolin's playful tone. She does so in an engaging and humorous style that makes us grateful we're human (fellahs, you do NOT want to be a honeybee drone - trust me on this) as well as make us stop and ask what we can learn from our fellow inhabitants of this planet regarding how to navigate those waters. Homo sapiens isn't the only creature with problems and headaches in this area, and after reading Prof. Verdolin's book, I'd say we could profit by considering some of the "lessons" she presents from the mammalian, piscean, and insectivorean worlds. Given the many spectacular failures in this regard of "the only animal that can think," it might not be a bad idea to look at what the "dumb" animals are doing. One could do worse than to start with this book.
One final benefit of this book is the way the accumulated evidence from across the animal world leaves you with the strong impression that when all is said and done, Homo sapiens is just another creature trying to figure things out, and that a lot of what we do reflects patterns across the animal kingdom.

[Julia O'Connell · Rating 2 out of 5]

Did not finish.

I never abandon books, but I'm trying to be more economical with my time and there was just nothing driving me to keep reading this one. I'm not usually one to read non-fiction, but I picked up an ARC of this at BEA last year and figured I'd finally get around to it.

My main problem with Wild Connection is that it hasn't really told me anything I didn't already know. Most of the "science" in this book has already made it's way into popular knowledge. Symmetrical faces are more attractive, go figure. Physical first impressions are important, who would have guessed? I'd even heard the thing about people finding the scent of other people more attractive if the other person's DNA was less similar to theirs.

My other problem with this book is the pseudo-science of it. The entire book is just a series of listing correlations between animal behavior and human behavior: The red-legged partridge is attracted to mattes that have deep red eye rings. Humans are attracted to other humans that have large limbal rings around the iris....ta-da! The rest of this book reads like a list of these vaguely related animal/human facts couched in cheesy anecdotes from the author.

Vaguely interesting if you like to collect obscure animal mating facts or if you want to comb the book for its insight into the science around human attraction, but there are probably better sources for both.

[Jonathan Karmel · Rating 3 out of 5]

This book was entertaining, if not scientifically rigorous. I agree with the basic premise. Animals have evolved to engage in certain mating behaviors, and people, as animals, also have mating behaviors. In general in the animal kingdom, males tend to compete with each other for the opportunity to mate, and females tend to compete with each other for resources. Males are competing with each other, and females are competing with each other, and a lot of behavior reflects that. Males and females tend to be attracted to each other’s scents when they have genes that, when mated, are less likely to produce offspring that are susceptible to disease.

This book had a lot of information about species that I don't think humans have a heck of a lot in common with. But I personally feel like mammals are in the same class as us (they are).

[Jennifer · Rating 4 out of 5]

[Note: I received a preview copy of this book as part of Goodreads' First Reads program.]

In this book, Verdolin, an animal behaviorist, explores the world of animal courtship and mating and attempts to relate it to that of humans. Whether we are similar or dissimilar to our wild cousins, it is a fun read due to the various animal factoids presented.

[Morgan · Rating 5 out of 5]

I loved this book! There were so many interesting pieces of information that I couldn't help but tell people around me. My boyfriend and 2 best friends are on the waiting list to read it because I talked about it so much.

[Nikki · Rating 3 out of 5]

The first 100 pages were interesting, though the book seemed to repeat itself after that.