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Not What I Had in Mind: A Motherhood Origin Story
This story is for every mother who has ever thought (or whispered or screamed), "This is not what I had in mind."
It's for the scared, anxious, stressed, overwhelmed or hopeless mom. It's for every mother whose circumstances have ever made her feel alone, and it's for every mother who would like the heavy stuff to be just a little lighter.
Not What I Had in Mind chronicles the traumatic births and early life of the tiniest set of twins. Told from the perspective of a grieving mother stumbling through the ups and (mostly) downs of 224 days in the neonatal intensive care unit, this story is a moving tribute to the resilience of mothers everywhere.
This harrowing and occasionally hilarious tale is about the miseries and the miracles of motherhood and the bond shared between mothers when reality shatters our expectations.
It's for the scared, anxious, stressed, overwhelmed or hopeless mom. It's for every mother whose circumstances have ever made her feel alone, and it's for every mother who would like the heavy stuff to be just a little lighter.
Not What I Had in Mind chronicles the traumatic births and early life of the tiniest set of twins. Told from the perspective of a grieving mother stumbling through the ups and (mostly) downs of 224 days in the neonatal intensive care unit, this story is a moving tribute to the resilience of mothers everywhere.
This harrowing and occasionally hilarious tale is about the miseries and the miracles of motherhood and the bond shared between mothers when reality shatters our expectations.
- GenresMemoir
228 pages, Kindle Edition
Published November 7, 2023
5 people are currently reading
709 people want to read
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Displaying 1 - 23 of 23 reviews
July 1, 2023
Although Laura’s story is not one many of us can relate to, as far as the details go, it does what all good stories do - connects us. It’s not hard to see my own story in her story, because “not what I had in mind” is the tale of every mother, every woman, every human. Laura reminds us, motherhood is just that - not what we had in mind. We could never have imagined the heartache and heartbreak and pain and grief, and we could never have imagined the love and joy and gratitude and healing.
Laura writes with intensity and depth that will break your heart wide open and softness and humor that will fill you with hope. Not What I Had in Mind will leave you with greater appreciation for your own origin story and deep gratitude for every gut-wrenching and glorious detail.
Laura writes with intensity and depth that will break your heart wide open and softness and humor that will fill you with hope. Not What I Had in Mind will leave you with greater appreciation for your own origin story and deep gratitude for every gut-wrenching and glorious detail.
February 4, 2024
Oh goodness. If I could give this book 10 stars, I would. I am a recent NICU graduate mom with my 31 weeker & while I haven’t walked NEARLY the length or difficulty of road that Laura has, there are many parts to her story that I can relate to. Her writing style is one that you can connect to & see yourself in. It’s warm; it’s inviting. It’s familiar; it made me giggle. She definitely has a gift. It was intensely therapeutic for me & reminded me I am not alone. I kept reading quotes to my husband & saying, “It’s like she’s lived in my head.”
If anyone has a family member, friend, acquaintance, or just wants to better understand NICU moms, read this book!!!
If anyone has a family member, friend, acquaintance, or just wants to better understand NICU moms, read this book!!!
July 15, 2023
This has been so engaging, I couldn’t put it down. This review is coming from a NOT avid reader mom with no down time. I read this book in 2 days staying up way past my bed time because I had to know what happens next, what I’m going to learn next.
I highly suggest this book for fellow health care workers. The author gives insight to a patient experience and the impacts the smallest to the largest of interactions leaves on our patients and their caregivers. This book has inspired me to make sure my patients/caregivers feel seen, understood and heard!
This book is a MUST read for all mothers, moms to be, friends of moms, support systems of moms, if you have a mom…. So everyone. If you seek to understand and stand with the feelings all moms experience and go through, this is the book. Though Laura’s story is one of the NICU she has a way of normalizing with every mother hood story. The authors words connect us. They don’t make one’s story worse or better. She focuses on the different experiences and the feelings associated. Which shows us while our experience may be different the feelings we feel as mothers are the same. It felt so comforting to know I’m not alone in the wide variety of emotions I have on a daily basis.
January 15, 2024
Catherine Newman. David Sedaris. Maggie Smith (the poet, not McGonagall). And now: Laura Diaz Freeland. These are all authors that pull off the seemingly impossible: they write about their lives and their trauma whilst making their reader laugh through their snotty tears. They are never flippant, but rather, achingly honest. Their dark humor is refreshing and real and they’ve all written books that cut me deep and make me think…which is really the entire point of storytelling.
When Laura sent me a copy of her book, I’ll be honest, I avoided starting it. I’m a trauma therapist who reads for escapism. I listen to real, sad stories all day for work, NOT during my leisure. Plus, I’m a mom of two kids and nothing gets me like a sad story about motherhood and babies. I avoided looking at it and instead reached for romance and popcorn suspense, and everything in between. But then, I saw a few stellar reviews of her book and decided to start it. I figured I could take it slowly and see how it went. Boy, am I glad I did. I couldn’t put it down.
Laura is an indomitable writer and mother. Her story of how she came into motherhood is much different than mine, but every word spoke to my soul. This book is about so much more than the story it tells. The amalgamation of these things has resulted in a book so beautiful, I can’t really do it justice in this review. So, you should probably just read it yourself, you won’t regret it.
When Laura sent me a copy of her book, I’ll be honest, I avoided starting it. I’m a trauma therapist who reads for escapism. I listen to real, sad stories all day for work, NOT during my leisure. Plus, I’m a mom of two kids and nothing gets me like a sad story about motherhood and babies. I avoided looking at it and instead reached for romance and popcorn suspense, and everything in between. But then, I saw a few stellar reviews of her book and decided to start it. I figured I could take it slowly and see how it went. Boy, am I glad I did. I couldn’t put it down.
Laura is an indomitable writer and mother. Her story of how she came into motherhood is much different than mine, but every word spoke to my soul. This book is about so much more than the story it tells. The amalgamation of these things has resulted in a book so beautiful, I can’t really do it justice in this review. So, you should probably just read it yourself, you won’t regret it.
August 24, 2023
Don’t be fooled by the seriousness of the subject matter: this story about premature birth is held aloft by Diaz’s signature humor, intelligence, and wit. It’s not every writer who can take an experience so terrible and turn it incandescent. This is an incredible book, one about family, love, language, and all of the ways motherhood will change you, whether you’re ready for it or not.
October 31, 2023
Gripping, honest, witty, and raw. Laura has a brilliant gift of weaving humor into delicate moments that leave you with tears in your eyes from both laughing and crying. While Laura’s story is incredibly unique, her perspective gives a glimpse into the lives of all mothers: our doubts, fears and humanity. “Not What I Had in Mind” is gold and I can’t wait to read the next book Laura Diaz Freeland creates.
January 17, 2024
This is one of the quickest books I’ve read in a while—I couldn’t put it down. Laura is an incredible storyteller and her vulnerability is splashed on every page. It’s like sitting across from a good friend at a coffee shop, chatting the day away.
Though I am not yet a mother, I still connected deeply with this story. It’s more than just about motherhood, but the humanity of love and finding oneself (a new self) through a life-changing experience. Do yourself a favor and read this book. Stat.
Though I am not yet a mother, I still connected deeply with this story. It’s more than just about motherhood, but the humanity of love and finding oneself (a new self) through a life-changing experience. Do yourself a favor and read this book. Stat.
December 31, 2023
As a micro-preemie parent to a 23 weeker, this story was an immensely challenging read. There are so many parallels between Diaz’s story and our own which made this book one of the most healing experiences I have had since leaving the NICU in 2022. She finds a way to connect to all parents with her humor and real-life scenarios that I’m sure we have all found ourselves in at some point. The way she describes her frustrations and feelings is just so…charming! You’ll find yourself laughing with her, crying with her, screaming with her, and relating to her. Highly, highly recommend!
February 27, 2024
Captivating, witty, and truly inspiring!
This NICU motherhood memoir follows a mom who delivers twin girls 17 week early. She and her husband stand firm and become their girls’ biggest advocates as they overcome multiple challenges on their journey getting through the NICU, followed by the first few years at home.
We appreciate the Latin breakdown of a themed word for each chapter, as well as the clever nicknames of each healthcare team because it accurately portrays their personalities.
Laura is vulnerable and brutally honest with her storytelling. Her humor and lighthearted dialogue make this rollercoaster of a story so compelling. It was hard to put this book down because we just wanted to keep reading more.
This NICU motherhood memoir follows a mom who delivers twin girls 17 week early. She and her husband stand firm and become their girls’ biggest advocates as they overcome multiple challenges on their journey getting through the NICU, followed by the first few years at home.
We appreciate the Latin breakdown of a themed word for each chapter, as well as the clever nicknames of each healthcare team because it accurately portrays their personalities.
Laura is vulnerable and brutally honest with her storytelling. Her humor and lighthearted dialogue make this rollercoaster of a story so compelling. It was hard to put this book down because we just wanted to keep reading more.
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February 10, 2024This story is beautiful and i’m honored i got to read it. i’m so glad vivienne and margot are here ❤️
November 10, 2023
I started this book believing it would be a good read- a telling of a story of two preemie warriors and their family that survived the journey. What I didn’t expect was a stunningly beautiful portrayal of motherhood- one what unites mother’s across all circumstances and walks of life. I was expecting raw honesty, but not the abundance of belly laughs, or the number of times I felt my heart physically ache. Laura has managed to tell the story of an experience that is so near and dear to my heart, yet explain so well the side of it I have never personally experienced. She beautifully tells the story of heartbreak and victories that is the story of every baby who passes through the doors of the NICU- even those who never leave. I read it through tears of sadness and pride for her and every mother who enters their motherhood journey in a similar way. Read this book, whether you are a NICU mom, a medical provider, or even a mother who has never seen the inside of an ICU. I can promise you that when you finish, you will have both opened eyes and a warmed heart. ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️
October 1, 2023
Review:
WOW, speechless. I couldn’t put it down. I could not stop reading. I laughed, I cried, it punched me in the gut and had me screaming for joy as both a healthcare provider and a new mother. It has made me question myself (in a good way) and every interaction I’ve had with a grieving mother and/or father. It helped put words to their emotions and my emotions where I had none before. This is a must read if you are a mother, want to be a mother, have a mother, so basically EVERYONE! I could feel the emotion and the blood, sweat, and tears that went into revisiting these traumatic memories and doing the work to not only identify the emotions, but so eloquently describe them, coming through the pages. I highlighted so many lines as I read because they just resonated with me. I will continue to revisit this book and these lines! In awe of the woman, mother, and writer Laura is, and I hope to read more from her one day soon!
WOW, speechless. I couldn’t put it down. I could not stop reading. I laughed, I cried, it punched me in the gut and had me screaming for joy as both a healthcare provider and a new mother. It has made me question myself (in a good way) and every interaction I’ve had with a grieving mother and/or father. It helped put words to their emotions and my emotions where I had none before. This is a must read if you are a mother, want to be a mother, have a mother, so basically EVERYONE! I could feel the emotion and the blood, sweat, and tears that went into revisiting these traumatic memories and doing the work to not only identify the emotions, but so eloquently describe them, coming through the pages. I highlighted so many lines as I read because they just resonated with me. I will continue to revisit this book and these lines! In awe of the woman, mother, and writer Laura is, and I hope to read more from her one day soon!
October 10, 2023
Any mother, any medical professional, anyone who has ever questioned God but still holds out a belief in miracles, anyone wanting to feel a human connection in perseverance, the will to keep going, and to be inspired by how you find strength in the darkest of days…. This is a book for you. One of the best things about this book minus the poignantly miraculous story is the author’s voice. Somehow Laura will make you want to laugh and cry all at once. She has a gift for story telling and an incredible story to tell. The combination makes for a read in one sitting book that will leave you reflecting on all of life’s struggles and triumphs and the inexplicable way that life seems to work itself out. This is truly a joy to read no matter your background but most certainly for mothers. The journey to motherhood is different for everyone, but we are all interwoven and connected as this story so compellingly proves.
October 2, 2023
What a story.. and at times I forgot this was the author and family’s actual journey. Laura is a phenomenal writer and did a fantastic job sharing her story so courageously. I cried , laughed out loud and have been gifted so much wisdom and greater compassion for a world I knew nothing about. This story encourages to love more deeply and show up. Her family units strength and community grown through their trial is so amazing. After finishing the book I immediately began rereading from the beginning. I’ve never done with any other book which illuminates the reality of this incredibly captivating and beautifully written heart breaking yet heart soaring book. This mama is raising up warriors - Laura and her two beautiful daughters are going to impact countless lives by the invitation into their story of great strength and perseverance.
March 31, 2025
This is an amazing book filled with tales of resilience, tenacity, and love. Laura tells her daughters’ story with passion and wit. My husband and I read this book together out loud and we laughed, cried, cheered, and shouted “Amen!”
We learned so much about health care and the importance which hospital you give birth at makes. Every parent will appreciate the struggles described in the book and the philosophy that being a parent changes you. You can’t plan for it, but it’s the greatest adventure you’ll ever go on!!
I am grateful to Laura and her family for this book. It was a wild ride, but we loved every minute of it. Laura is witty and has such a humorous way of expressing herself even when times were hard. Truly a lovely piece of art.
We learned so much about health care and the importance which hospital you give birth at makes. Every parent will appreciate the struggles described in the book and the philosophy that being a parent changes you. You can’t plan for it, but it’s the greatest adventure you’ll ever go on!!
I am grateful to Laura and her family for this book. It was a wild ride, but we loved every minute of it. Laura is witty and has such a humorous way of expressing herself even when times were hard. Truly a lovely piece of art.
July 5, 2023
What a gift it is that Laura has so brilliantly been able to put her beautiful, gut-wrenching, traumatic, and miraculous story into words to share with us. Her vulnerability has given us a window into some of the most intimate details of the incredibly premature birth of her beautiful babies, and it’s something that every woman needs to read. Although I am not yet a mother and have not experienced the sweet - seemingly terrifying at times - tether that a mother feels towards her child, Laura’s memoir has convinced me that it’s what keeps humanity grounded. I laughed, I smiled, I cried, and you will too.
July 1, 2023
Laura Diaz Freeland's, Not What I Had In Mind is a raw and honest look into her thoughts, mind and emotions, as she moved through the traumatic moments of her twin daughters' births coming 17 weeks early. The writing is captivating, as she is able to make you cry yet laugh right in the middle of her very private experiences. It also will educate you. The reader will be exposed to information unbeknownst to them, unfortunately, until one is in the middle of unbearable moments where impossible decisions must be made. And yet, as you read, you will be filled with the light of life and hope.
August 20, 2024
Thank you, Laura, for doing this amazing hard, gut-wrenching thing. Thank you for pouring your heart and soul into this book. I cried. I laughed. I related to a tiny portion of it as a preemie twin mom. But mostly I drank up this beautiful and heart breakingly raw account of a warrior mom and her warrior daughters. As an avid reader and lover of words, with a degree in English, I thoroughly enjoyed all of the etymology and deep dives into Greek and Latin roots. That is my love language. Everyone needs to read this book!
July 2, 2023
This is a story of motherhood. The life altering journey, that can and will rock you to you core, and push your heart beyond what you thought was possible. Laura's memoir is beautiful, brutal, joyful, and at time hilarious... if we can't find the humor and joy in these moments then you won't be able to survive. Her story is for all mothers, the lengths we will go for our children, and the bond that connects us.
October 8, 2023
Whew… THIS BOOK! The Freeland family story is truly unbelievable and will leave you feeling in awe, grateful, angry with our health care system, a need to eat more veggies and that miracles are real. I didn’t want to put this book down. Even though it is a book dealing with big emotions and medical situations, it flows beautifully and is a joy to read. I am left feeling smarter and more empathetic and I can’t recommend it enough
August 25, 2023
“Not What I Had in Mind” provides an entirely new meaning to the phrase “a mother’s love.” Laura and her twins will take you on an emotional journey where their strength, courage, and faith are thoroughly tested. You will cry, laugh, and cry again. While this is a challenging read emotionally, I strongly recommend this book!!
October 3, 2023
Wow. This book is heartbreakingly beautiful. Laura’s voice invites readers into her story right away, as if she’s been a lifelong friend. Her story is one, while unique in what she lived through with her micro-preemies, is relatable to all of us who identify as a mother in any way. A true piece of art!
January 2, 2025
As a bio and foster mom, someone who has given birth and attended many births, this is hands down one of my most favorite and treasured books. I couldn't put it down, and it broke open parts of me that still needed to heal. Laura's honesty and raw telling was personal, relatable, and is such a gift to the world.
Displaying 1 - 23 of 23 reviews