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Experienced

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“A fizzing, lip-chewing, collar-bone biting, palm-sweating roller-coaster of a rom-com that is both the sexiest book you'll read all year and the most heartening.” —Caroline O'Donoghue, New York Times bestselling author of The Rachel Incident

“A joyful, exhilarating romp of a romance!” —Ashley Herring Blake, bestselling author of Iris Kelly Doesn’t Date

Bette is in love for the first time in her life. Finally, everything makes sense. Until it doesn’t.


As Bette approached thirty, she realized something she’s into women. And then she fell for Mei, who’s entirely perfect. Until, out of the blue, Mei suggests they take a break. She wants Bette to have the opportunity she missed out on in her to explore the queer dating scene, and then return certain about their future, her desires, and herself.

Reluctantly, Bette sets out on a date hot women and have hot casual sex, before returning to her loving girlfriend. Maybe, put that way, it doesn’t sound so bad…

Often heady and thrilling, occasionally cringe, Bette’s odyssey will take her to some unexpected places. But with her new friend, the gorgeous and self-assured Ruth, as her queer dating guide, Bette can’t possibly fail. Right?

382 pages, Kindle Edition

First published May 23, 2024

168 people are currently reading
10927 people want to read

About the author

Kate Young

8 books95 followers
Kate Young is a writer and cook. Her award-winning Little Library Cookbooks (The Little Library Cookbook, The Little Library Year, The Little Library Christmas, and The Little Library Parties) feature food inspired by beloved works of literature.

Her debut novel Experienced, a queer romcom set in Bristol, was released in summer 2024.

After a sunny Australian childhood, spent indoors reading books, she moved to London, which suited her much better. She now lives in the English countryside.

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5 stars
877 (24%)
4 stars
1,632 (46%)
3 stars
847 (24%)
2 stars
142 (4%)
1 star
25 (<1%)
Displaying 1 - 30 of 730 reviews
Profile Image for Kelsey (keliterate).
164 reviews183 followers
May 28, 2024
alexa, play casual by chappell roan.

sapphic romance? messy girls lost in their late twenties? slow burn friends to lovers? amazing food descriptors? (dry) english humor? the BEST friendships? oh dear god, this book was made for me. (the arc cover is so delightfully blue, too)

i loved everything about experienced—like, wow, what a debut. it’s all glittery twenties x insights on heteronormativity x learning how to love romcom, except a little more literary and british. i’m a bit lost for words because i started this yesterday afternoon and woke up with the overwhelming need to finish it. i was so invested in the friendship circles, bette’s “odyssey” into finding what worked for her, and the relationship that bloomed later on. this book is sweet, snarky, sarcastic, and just so perfect.

it calls for a lot of introspection, at least on my end, on what anyone would want from a relationship—and what kind of relationship you’d want exactly. there’s a reason why kate’s epigraph is MUNA’s what you want. this novel, underneath the romance and friendship, is ultimately a question of identity within the confines of a relationship. it’s so beautifully told and just incredibly, incredibly fun.

if you’re treading the waters between romance and contemporary fiction (or, a non-romance reader who wants to dabble into romance), i cannot recommend this enough. i’m hoping the sun comes out soon and i’m struck with the writing bug, because this is definitely a book i want to review in full.
Profile Image for Jamie.
1,361 reviews537 followers
June 6, 2024
The way I sped through this in two days because I had such a crush on Ruth. 😍

I’m not sure it broke my contemporary romance slump, but it certainly jostled it out of its comfort zone. There’s enough alcohol and socializing on page that I started to feel exhausted by proxy, and the ending was slightly rushed—again, possibly because I was rushing through it so happily, wanting more.

That’s the only negative I can think of. Everything else—no notes, full marks.

Rarely does a romcom navigate the joys and pitfalls of queer relationships with such aplomb. Every character felt fully realized and faceted. Friendships are central to the story, just the way I like it—especially Bette and Ash, but also the larger friend group, and the burgeoning friendship with Ruth that matters more than the crush for 80% of the book. There are tropes galore, all of them navigated skillfully, many of them skillfully subverted, without seeming twee, tiresome, or implausible.

(Sidenote: a few contemporary authors [ahem, Ashley Herring Blake, among others], could take notes on how to introduce various orientations and ethnicities in a non-obnoxious way. The rep felt effortless, which I know means Young put a lot of thought and effort into it, not just rattling off a list of identity markers every time a character walks in a room. Well done.)

Very tender, very steamy, very messy, very British, very queer, very thoughtful. I enjoyed myself immensely.

ARC kindly provided by the publisher via NetGalley in exchange for an honest review.
Profile Image for Naseerah.
163 reviews12 followers
Read
July 21, 2024
Now THAT is how u write a romcom
Profile Image for lexi.
243 reviews22 followers
June 18, 2024
Had some issues w the pacing. Like 75% of the dialogue is comprised of these curt, staccato sentences that almost always trail off with ellipses or an em dash and have at least one curse word in them. As if the author doesn’t wanna do the work of fully forming context and dialogue. (“Wow. That’s. I mean. Wow. Okay, so…”) (“Hold on. I don’t… shit, Bette. Shit.”) (“That’s—that’s—Ash, that’s really bleak.”) (“Unless—oh—okay. Maybe you—I don’t know, maybe you regret—? I’ll just—“). Main character was kinda boring and didn’t feel like I knew anything about her other than the ‘sex odyssey’ she was on. Felt weirdly self-pitying when it should have been sardonic and lighthearted. I think a bit more sophistication would have made this more successful.
Profile Image for emily.
897 reviews164 followers
October 7, 2025
I really had a good time with this one. I loved watching Bette stumble into herself; I loved her and Ruth. I adored her friendship with Ash, and honestly thought all the characters were compelling and was rooting for them. The audiobook narrator was top notch, and this is one that’s going on my wishlist of books to own for sure. I can see myself coming back to it.
Profile Image for Frankie.
667 reviews178 followers
September 15, 2024
This is genuinely one of the best romance novels I've read this year. It's a mix of genre romcom, skilled litfic prose, and women's fiction character work that is so incredibly real. Books about millennial lesbians figuring their lives out are my weakness, and this was just so well done. Her commentary was on point lmao. Though I agree with another reviewer who said this book severely lacked mascs. Like, idk how you can have a book with a dozen WLW and yet there's only one butch...

The main reason this is a 4.5 is because I felt like it was way too long. Once we hit the halfway mark, I got frustrated by the repetition. Whenever a new woman entered the picture, I wanted to shake Bette. JUST GO BACK TO RUTH!! CLEARLY SHE'S THE ONE YOU TRULY WANT!! And once I reached that point, I also realized how annoying Bette was as a person. Which is not the writer's fault. But all of her friends were 10x more interesting tbh.

That said, if you want to read more sapphic romances but don't like how the genre has been oversimplified for consumerism (ie: bare bones writing with copy paste everything), then I highly recommend Experienced. I wish more sapphic romances were like this, genuinely.
Profile Image for Michela.
433 reviews47 followers
Read
December 15, 2025
Ugh… 😩 A super well-written literary romance, which I should have loved considering litfic and romance are my main genres, but I found it lacking in both aspects.

It started off strong (even though I wasn’t a fan of the ultimatum premise), but it then just got boring and by the end of it I didn’t care enough about any of the characters or the relationship. It lacked personality and charm, which is what I absolutely need in romance novels.

I also really really dislike pop culture references, ESPECIALLY brand names and app names. Believe me, nobody wants to hear about Instagram in books.

I think the author is a good writer and I would read something else by her, but this unfortunately was disappointing.

Profile Image for suzannah ♡.
371 reviews139 followers
June 19, 2024
a really cute and easy read! a lovely little queer romance that is all about self discovery and identity, and feeling comfortable and confident as you are. i had a great time reading this! my only tiny complaint is that the ending felt slightly rushed. other than that, perfection!
Profile Image for Caroline Brown.
371 reviews13 followers
June 9, 2025
Happy pride month to the lit fic girlies! This was fun and scandalous and tropey and sad and cringe and a little too sappy at the end but I enjoyed.

Newly out lesbian Bette is issued a 3-month break from her relationship to go out and explore the Bristol wlw dating scene. Hijinks ensue.
Profile Image for Haley Sparks.
453 reviews29 followers
July 9, 2024
I enjoyed this, but was ready for it to be over by the time it was. I fluctuated between finding Bette funny and relatable to frustrating and helpless, which got old. I appreciated her journey of self discovery, but feel like it kind of plateaued at a certain point and I’ve read a lot of books with the “hot mess” main character trope and I’m kinda over it.

I loved Ash and the dynamics of Bette’s friend group and how easily and smoothly they were quick to welcome Rose in. The way both Bette’s friends and Rose’s friends cared about them was really beautiful to read.

I liked that this felt like more than just a romance and like how well-rounded the story was. I hoped this would avoid the dreaded conflict that I felt was coming. While I was rooting for these 2, I couldn’t help but roll my eyes a little at the ending.



Profile Image for jocelyn •  coolgalreading.
818 reviews794 followers
July 25, 2025
i really just do not like the writing style or dialogue of most romance novels and often just end up not liking any of the characters at all 😅
Profile Image for Yannic.
54 reviews
August 10, 2024
Eine wirklich schöne, humorvolle und aktuelle Geschichte über das sich Verlieben, Ausprobieren und Wohlfühlen in der neu entdeckten Sexualität.
Ließ sich sehr flüssig lesen und mich viel über die Charaktere und deren verschiedene Situationen nachdenken. Perfekt für Menschen, die sich selbst gerade erst in ihrer sexuellen Identität zurechtfinden und/oder mehr darüber lernen wollen, ohne direkt "belehrt" zu werden.
Profile Image for Joey.
26 reviews
April 29, 2024
So, last week was lesbian visibility week. At the weekend, I went to an event to hang out with my fellow London lesbians. Naturally, this devolved into us talking about being unlucky in love, about how ideally we'd like to meet a woman in real life, about whether it's simply easier to give up on that dream and download dating apps (despite there being a dearth of apps actually aimed at lesbians)...

This book very much resonates with the experiences we shared that night. Take this premise: 'A fresh, sexy romantic comedy about a newly-out lesbian finding herself, finding her tribe, and finding her partner—in that order.' I think it's a very common experience to try to skip to that last step. One of my first forays into the gay scene in London was a speed dating event! It took several years to form deep friendships with other lesbians and come to terms with my own sexuality. And this certainly isn't exclusive to gay people.

At its heart, 'Experienced' is a romantic comedy. It has many of the classic traits of the genre, including the long-suffering best friend who supports the protagonist, fake dating, the epiphany realisation, the quirky job and especially. But as with all romantic comedies, the journey is more important that the inevitable destination, and Young pulls all these traits together skilfully. I emphasised very deeply with Bette's situation. She is a sensitive soul and whenever she had a punch-to-the-gut moment, so did I. The ending was very emotionally fulfilling.

I wish all the success for this impressive debut and I hope that we continue to be blessed with well-written novels about the lesbian experience, like this one!

Thank you so much to Netgalley and 4th Estate for the ARC!

113 reviews3 followers
June 2, 2024
I appear to alone in my opinion here but sadly I found this book of self discovery rather boring. I wad really excited at first, hoping to read some very funny dating experiences but there was zero humour at all. I understand a book cannot be full on funny and needs depth but the main character was so absolutely self obsessed I felt like I read an entire book of her talking to people about herself. Her friendships were very 1 way and she came across very self obsessed and entitled. There was no thought ever as to what any of her friends may be feeling or going through.
The 1 positive I will say is that I really did find it refreshing that when describing how beautiful the woman were, it was great to hear the words of dimpled thighs, roundness of stomachs etc, no supermodels in sight!
Profile Image for Jaclyn.
353 reviews1 follower
September 10, 2024
Love love love this book. It was refreshing and funny and frustrating. Bette was such a cool character, and so relatable!
The whole premise of taking a break to try out new people was definitely curious, I don't know how well that would actually work for a lot of people, and I'm glad all the characters were very 🤨 over it.
But really the stars of the show were Bette, Ruth, and Ash. What incredible characters, I mean they felt so real, their feelings and motivations were clearly written. There wasn't a moment where I thought "well that doesn't make sense" because you get to know them so well that yeah every weird choice does actually make sense.
Anyways, I will be giving this book to every woman I know, queer or not, and I will be making sure they love it.
Profile Image for Kater.
62 reviews1 follower
October 1, 2024
Ich bin eigentlich absolut gar kein RomCom Fan, aber das war so ein schönes leichtes Buch für zwischendurch. Trotzdem hatte es emotionale Tiefe und grade vor dem Hintergrund, dass die Hauptperson sich erst ihrer Sexualität mit 30 klar wird, bekommt das ganze die notwendige Ernsthaftigkeit. Ich hätte gerne noch etwas mehr über den Konflikt zu Bettes religiöser Familie erfahren, auch wenn das vermutlich den RomCom Stil etwas zerschlagen hätte.
Dieses Buch hat einen besonderen Witz, den man wohl am besten versteht, wenn man ebenfalls ein Millennial ist - ich muss sagen: ein paar der Referenzen sind daher nicht bei mir gezündet, ich denke dafür bin ich tatsächlich zu jung.
Nichtsdestotrotz super fun Read!
Profile Image for elle.
715 reviews46 followers
January 15, 2025
My favourite part of this book was Bette recognising that while she may have missed out on formative coming-of-age experiences as a closeted lesbian, she's an adult now, and forcing herself to live those moments wouldn't be the same.

This novel is a really fun romp, poignant and sweet: the characters are vivid and fun and all feel like people I'd like to hang out with, there's a lovely sense of community and belonging that feels so thoughtful and real and, unlike many other novels in the genre, not forced in the least. I feel like I've found the Holy Grail... a sweet HEA lesbian romance novel with some bite.

4.5 stars rounded up because I've been looking for this kind of novel for ages.
Profile Image for Shannon.
8,300 reviews423 followers
June 25, 2024
3.5 rounded up

This was a heartfelt, raw, honest and relatable story about discovering your sexuality later in life and the struggles of being in a meaningful relationship where the two people have different end goals. Encouraged to go out and experience more queer and Sapphic love hook-ups, newly out, Bette embarks on a life changing adventure that sees her losing her first real girlfriend and discovering more of what makes her truly happy. Great on audio and highly recommended for fans of The L word tv series. Many thanks to NetGalley and the publisher for an early digital and audio copy in exchange for my honest review!
239 reviews8 followers
August 11, 2024
this book was excellent! i was really intrigued by the premise: a late in life lesbian "gifted" a break by her partner to gain experience. there's such confident writing, a really compelling lead character and a wonderful romance. the premise leads to a really delightful cast of characters to be "experienced", but the central relationships (the best friendship, the new love) are so delightful. i rip through most romance but this was different & i'm glad i found this book.
Profile Image for Clarissa.
693 reviews20 followers
Read
July 27, 2025
DNF bei ca 50%
Es tut mir so leid, ich lese normalerweise keine romance Bücher bzw. romcoms und es ist mir einfach etwas zu lang, um so weiterzumachen, aber ich feiere den Ton des Buches und die queer joy und die messiness. It‘s just not for me
Profile Image for Jess.
187 reviews
November 8, 2025
Obsessed. I really loved this. Was team Ruth from the get go. Undeniably relatable for a multitude of reasons. Made me cry. Made me laugh out loud. Made me rather unwell. Cracker book. Also Bette eats branflakes and banana so instant love.
Profile Image for Book.ishJulie.
777 reviews26 followers
August 5, 2024
Experienced by Kate Young was just the funnest romp in the sack that I've ever read!

Okay, so I LOVED THIS BOOK. It's like if Eleanor Oliphant and Eudora Honeysett were younger and queer-er and sexier... you might just get some version of this witty romance! I have so much love for Bette and Ruth and all their friends (minus one that shall remain unnamed - but we just don't like her)!

This will 100% be a comfort read of mine! I imagine this is what people feel like about Bridget Jones, (although I'm not sure as I've never read or watched it before)... but Experienced gives me that cheeky, sassy, clever, je ne sais quoi that propels this book to the same cult following status!

It's the pop culture references, the found family, the character depth and relatability that really pulled at my heartstrings!

This bright romance will be a siren song sitting on my shelf, calling me to read it again and again - just like rewatching my favourite 90s classic movie!

Thank you Doubleday Canada and Penguin Random House Canada for the complimentary copy to read and review.
Profile Image for Aunt Missa.
300 reviews29 followers
October 28, 2024
This debut was a delightful surprise. It’s classic romcom and it’s queer! Woooo hooo! It’s cozy and funny. It’s worth a read, for sure.

I have a few issues that kept me from rating it higher. You can see from my notes, that I despise the villain in this book. And I hate how much time is spent on Mei. The dialogue could have been extended and refined a bit. It seemed stilted and I felt interrupted by it in my reading. The pacing slowed down too much during the odyssey. Did I mention I hated Mei? Cause I hate that bitch. The biggest thing that took away stars was the massive amount of ghosting the characters did with each other. Like weeks of ghosting, which didn’t build up the tension, that just made me sad.

Despite those issues, I want Ash to be my best friend. I loved how the respective friend groups accepted both Bette and Ruth. And Ruth, I could swoon over her all day. The writing was very good in a non-typical romance novel kind of way. It’s a bit more elevated. Solid read and I hope the author writes another one.
Profile Image for _Le4_.
176 reviews
June 3, 2024
Im Buch geht es um Bette, die gerade in eine Beziehungspause gedrängt wurde von ihrer eigentlich festen Freundin Mei. Bette, die sich erst spät im Leben geoutet hat, soll die ganzen Erfahrungen nachholen, die sie angeblich verpasst hat. Sie soll also mit möglichst vielen Frauen rummachen und schlafen. Bette hat darauf so überhaupt gar keine Lust, aber um Mei wieder zurückzuerobern, lässt sie sich auf das Experiment ein. Und während Bette an ihrer Beziehung zu Mei festhält, muss sie lernen, dass es vielleicht doch eine andere für sie gibt.

Das Buch stellt einige interessante Fragen und greift einige interessante Themen auf. Es beschäftigt sich damit, wie es ist, sich sehr spät zu outen und damit die “Experimentierphase” zu verpassen. Es schaut sich einige Dinge an, mit denen sich queere Frauen in der Dating-Szene herumschlagen müssen, wie beispielsweise heterosexuelle Paare, die nach einer dritten suchen, ohne das sofort klar zu formulieren.
Ich fand das Buch insgesamt recht seicht. Es beschäftigt sich eben vordergründig mit der Selbstfindung, die Bette durchmacht. Das Buch hat es jedoch auch geschafft, dass es einige Szenen gab, in denen ich stark mit Bette mitfühlen konnte und ich ihre Freude, ihren Schock oder ihre Enttäuschung nachempfinden konnte.
Die Charaktere im Buch, vor allem Bette, sind moralisch vielfältig geschrieben. Bette macht Fehler, ärgert sich darüber und versucht dann, diese auch wieder zu berichtigen.
Die Moral ist manchmal etwas verworren, weil es sich zum einen so angefühlt hat, als wäre die Aussage, dass diese erzwungenen Erfahrungen nicht nötig gewesen wären, zum anderen hat Bette aber tatsächlich etwas davon gelernt, was etwas unstimmig war, aber insgesamt auch zum Facettenreichtum der Geschichte gepasst hat.
Etwas, das ich hervorheben würde, waren die Sexszenen, die mir tatsächlich sehr gut gefallen haben und ausgezeichnet der Charakter- und Beziehungsentwicklung verschrieben waren.

Letztendlich ist das Buch eher eine Selbstfindungsstory, die auch berührende und romantische Szenen hat.
Profile Image for Carolina.
152 reviews80 followers
February 11, 2025
Leve, divertido e viciante.

Ontem, a Bette saiu do armário e começou a namorar com a crush. Hoje, a crush sugere-lhe uma pausa para que ela possa ter mais experiências antes de se comprometer de vez.

Lembro-me distintamente de ler a sinopse e pensar "Ganda cena!". À medida que reflito sobre a individualidade nas relações, penso também nos condicionamentos que lhes são inerentes. Penso que não temos o direito de condicionar a liberdade daqueles que amamos, mas a navegar isso em relações amorosas está longe de ser fácil: metem-se inseguranças individuais, noções diferentes de traição, falta de confiança na parceria e outros bichos de sete cabeças que, mesmo com boa comunicação (que nem sempre é o caso) fazem esta lógica tremer.

Posto isto, a ideia da pausa e o incentivo à experiência pareceu-me um gesto muito altruísta — e até invejável — e tive a certeza que ia ser uma leitura bem interessante.

Não me enganei, mas fui surpreendida pela proposta surgir numa contexto bem menos saudável do que aquilo que eu esperava. Isso tirou uma boa parte da magia à história e tornou o desfecho bem previsível (a 20% da leitura já conseguia adivinhá-lo), mas essa previsibilidade não foi suficiente para me fazer abandonar a leitura.

A minha experiência dividiu-se entre a descoberta curiosa e os momentos relatable de frustração e insegurança. A jornada da Bette através de uma separação difícil, a busca interminável e as conversas infrutíferas em datings apps, alguns primeiros encontros constrangedores e outros vitoriosos, revelou-se muito divertida. Fui surpreendida com um lado fofo que não esperava — e percebi que precisava disso.
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