Plenty of Time When We Get Home: Love and Recovery in the Aftermath of War by Kayla Williams

by Kayla Williams

Brian, on his way back to base after mid-tour leave, was wounded by a roadside bomb that sent shrapnel through his brain. Kayla waited anxiously for news and, on returning home, sought out Brian. The two began a tentative romance and later married, but neither anticipated the consequences of Brian’s injury on their lives. Lacking essential support for returning veterans from the military and the VA, Kayla and Brian suffered through posttraumatic stress amplified by his violent mood swings, her struggles to reintegrate into a country still oblivious to women veterans, and what seemed the callous, consumerist indifference of civilian society at large.
Kayla persevered. So did Brian. They fought for their marriage, drawing on remarkable reservoirs of courage and commitment. They confronted their demons head-on, impatient with phoniness of any sort. Inspired by an unwavering ethos of service, they continued to stand on common ground. Finally, they found their own paths to healing and wholeness, both as individuals and as a family, in dedication to a larger community.

Genres: Nonfiction, War, Memoir, Military Fiction, Biography, Psychology

Paperback

First published February 10, 2014

About the author

Kayla Williams, a former Arabic linguist in the U.S. Army, is the author of Love My Rifle More than You and Plenty of Time When We Get Home. She lives with her husband and children in Virginia.

Reviews

[Bridgette Ralph · Rating 5 out of 5]

I think everyone should read this book. It will help non military people better understand what our military has gone through in war. They see the world in a completely different way than we do. It gives the civilian a better appreciation of the sacrifice that our military makes. This memoir is far from boring.

[Tim · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is a great book that gives you insight as to what many of our military heroes experience upon return from a combat experience. I recommend to everyone for a greater appreciation.

[Alexa · Rating 3 out of 5]

I heard an interview with the author on NPR and I think I got more from that than the book itself. Nevertheless, compelling story.

[Melissa · Rating 5 out of 5]

**I won this book free good reads first reads and I must say it was amazing!

Powerful book detailing the trials and tribulations our troops face post war. I could relate to the book because I have multiple family members in the military. A real eye-opening read and I would recommend everyone read it to get a sense of the difficulties our troops face when coming home from war, especially female troops who are often overlooked and are held to greater expectations. Thanks to the author for a revealing look at life post war for military families.

[Heather Selig · Rating 5 out of 5]

Powerful, well-written with raw emotions. Highly recommend.

[Kate Schwarz · Rating 5 out of 5]

My dad suggested this title to me, so of course I read it. I'm glad I did. I learned a whole lot on many different levels:

1. Williams' husband suffered a TBI in Iraq, after they met but before they married. I learned a whole lot about the reality of PTSD. Mostly, one Soldier's experience with it, as it varies from individual to individual. The very sad state of the VA hospitals--I think that was the most gut-wrenching thing to read about. I hope that some has changed, but…I doubt a ton has changed. Still, this quote stands out:

"It's ineffective to always be on the attack without recognizing progress and positive efforts, which is why when I criticized the negative experiences Brian had at the DC VA, or female veteran friends had at other VA medical centers, I always made a point of also recognizing the good experiences I had at the Martinsburg VA."

2. One female veteran's experience. The sexual harassment many women in combat face. The added stress of being the lone female in a unite of all men. Upon her return home, she also had a hard time adjusting to civilian life. The frustration of not being recognized. For her, after being steeped in the Army culture, the added challenge of balancing being tough and being nurturing, of being independent and dependent as an individual and within a marriage.

3. What commitment looks like to Williams. I was floored that she stayed with him, and grateful for the Afterward where she talks in more sweeping, reflective paragraphs about why she stayed. "No buddy left behind on the battlefield" is something ingrained deeply in her, and that carried over from her life as a Soldier to a wife of someone who suffered deeply from PTSD. At some points in the book her decision to marry Brian and stay with Brian seemed downright stupid--she "deserved" better, she knew and her friends knew. And yet. She stayed and stuck it out and helped him regain his confidence and dignity and health. She kept herself busy, knowing "if I were just busy enough, I would not reflect, worry, fret, imagine…constant forward motion would substitute for contemplation." In the end, she saw it--her marriage, her commitment--through. She got good, hard advice at the right time and time has shown her that she made the right decision.

4. In my comfortable suburban life, this book was a reminder of how much my freedom costs, how far removed I am from the military. I'm grateful for Crossfit and my relationships with active duty and retired military personnel as well as emergency personnel, who live a different life as me, but…I couldn't have what I have without them doing what they do. (Thank you, veterans--those I know and do not.) Williams helped enlarge my perspective just a little, slap me back into reality, become grounded again by reminding me where I come from.

More people should read this book. Rather than thank a veteran, maybe we all could take the next step and understand what they did and what they are dealing with just a little more.

[Wanda · Rating 5 out of 5]

As a female veteran, I appreciated her perspective.

I wad never stationed outside the states, but the lack of recognition that women do and have always served in the military is sometimes uncomfortable.
I now volunteer at a VA MC, and most of the volunteers are veterans, including the women. I am now in a community of peers, and it is refreshing. I appreciate the brutal and honest accounting of the problems she and Brian had readjusting to the Civilian world. I never experienced that, but know many who did.
I especially liked her explanations of Brian's TBI and PTSD issues. And some of her own adjustment issues.
this is a powerful book that gives an insight to problems most Americans never experience, but who may have friends our family who do or will. the aftereffects of these wars will be with us for decades, this book will help a generation to understand the brutality of war in a different way.

[Temple · Rating 4 out of 5]

It is good to see this story told. It is far from easy to be a woman in the military, but to have gone through war, presents a whole new set of problems, with no easy answers.
Kayla not only had her memories to haunt her, but all of the problems of Brian's brain injury. It is with sheer tenacity, and love, that enables them to move on.
We,as civilians, need to hear of the struggles our returning veterans are facing. When you have been surviving on a lick and a prayer, the adjustments to our seeming callousness are an added burden. Not to mention the lack of guidance in finding help for Brian's TBI. It is very hard to see them facing that type of adversity, when they have given up so much that we might walk without fear.

[Mary · Rating 4 out of 5]

very good. Really makes one understand the difficulties of transitioning back into civilian life. How difficult it must be to handle the trivial complaining, obsessing of society, after spending months of making life and death decisions. And the lack of treatment for vets by VA is disheartening...although I do believe that is continually improving.

[Carrie · Rating 5 out of 5]

I enjoyed reading Kayla's story. I am thankful for the brave women and men that fought, struggled, and especially those who spoke up so others may be helped. It hit home because my husband is a veteran of Operation Iraqi Freedom. I met him years after his recovery began however he still suffers from PTSD and it helped me get a clearer insight into his actions and mindset.

What I will walk away with the most is from this excerpt, "Brian and I spend a lot of time talking about how to be effective in pushing for change. It makes us crazy when advocates, pundits, and politicians talk about military and veteran suicide without using the evidence-based guidelines developed to minimize the contagion effect or mentioning the Crisis Line (800-273-TALK, veterans press 1) - don't exacerbate a problem you claim to be trying to solve! And it's ineffective to always be on the attack without recognizing progress and positive efforts..." I think that if many more advocates would adapt this thinking we would have more change!

A Goodreads Giveaway Winner. (I won forever ago and just rediscovered this book, a true gem.)

[P. Upshaw · Rating 5 out of 5]

Enlightening book about wars in

Enlightening book about wars in Iraq and Afghanistan from the perspective of a woman get and her husband, who was severely injured. Issues of TBI, PTSD and the many challenges to these life altering issues, and returning to try to forge ahead against the military's failure to take care of returning injured soldiers, was very interesting.

[Megan · Rating 4 out of 5]

This straightforward book is insightful and great at eliciting empathy simply by stating the facts and the reactions to those facts. Williams has put together a very good narrative of her post-war life; its frustrations and fears, its triumphs and hopes, and the long recovery process for herself and her husband.

[Amy Donahoo · Rating 5 out of 5]

I loved this book --from the title to the last page. It's an honest and touching story of healing from war, from brain injury, from marital disappointment, from culture's callousness and from fear of the unknown. I'm grateful Kayla Williams shared her story. I hope she writes another book to share the next chapter of her life.

[Jodi · Rating 4 out of 5]

Interesting but sad read...........it was a peek at life of a woman veteran and the wife of a soldier living with a traumatic brain injury and Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. I am amazed at all that Kayla put up with in helping her boyfriend/husband to recovery while also dealing with her own issues from her own service. Many people wouldn't have been able to go through what she went through and come out positive. It also angered me to hear how she and her husband were treated by the military on their own personal roads to recovery from their experiences at war with Iraq. As soldiers who have fought on the front lines to protect our country, they deserved so much better! Hopefully, this system is made better with her books having been published to bring these problems to light.

Reading this book I thought a lot about my neighbor and her husband. He is also a retired soldier dealing with recovery from a traumatic brain injury and post-traumatic stress disorder. My neighbor has shared a few things but this book also helped me to understand her reality and that of her husband too. She has mentioned his struggles to hold down a job, or to even help around the house. I do understand PTSD can be disabling but to read her story, helped me to better understand my neighbor who to the causal eye when I see him outside who appears "fine" but I know is fighting his own battles with his brain physically and emotionally every day. I have also been told how his anniversary date is hard and that he doesn't sleep for days. This book has helped me to think differently as I work/talk/interact with veterans and their families in the army town that I live in. I am a civilian who has always lead a civilian life until I moved to Carlisle, PA, 5 years ago and my strong respect for our armed forces has grown so much when I see the service and sacrifices these soldiers and families make for our country. Thank you Kayla and Brian for your service to our country!

[Diane · Rating 3 out of 5]

I'm on page 235, an easy read with MOR vocabulary. For several years, I have been researching Army resiliency and it is interesting to read inside stories that give more insight into the lives of soldiers who are struggling with these issues. I picked this book after hearing an interview with the author and her husband on NPR. The interview was more interesting, but there are insights that are worth reading. Apparently this woman's choice of partner and chaotic life was influenced by her own unsettled upbringing. She says she felt no one else would want her and was not attracted to a nice, well-adjusted man she tried to date. She says she felt safe and protected with this man, and yet describes his periods of alcohol abuse, blind rages and violent, disrespectful behavior, even before she married him. Interesting the webs we weave.
The second half was an improvement, had some redeeming parts. Still think 3 stars is the best choice.

[Linda · Rating 5 out of 5]

I didn't always like Ms. Williams but I really appreciate reading her story.
As a female veteran (1985-1990) I've stopped telling people. It surprises me when people remember and acknowledge my service on Veteran's Day. I am grateful that she is bringing more attention to female veterans.
This book is worth the read. I wish I could make civilians read it. Then they would understand how we treat our veterans I. This country. I have been horrified by the treatment of combat veterans. Civilians seem to just spew whichever political line they follow from their news source. They don't understand that these are real people returning from a very bad situation.

[Claire · Rating 4 out of 5]

I really enjoyed this book (hence the completion within 24 hours). My sister and brother-in-law served in Afghanistan and Iraq, respectively, and sometimes throughout this book I had to remind myself that it wasn't my sister speaking. Their story of love, perseverance and commitment was moving. Even though I've never been to war, I related to her frustrations with Americans who think they have "real problems" and care more about rich celebrities than our soldiers who come home with TBI and PTSD. I'm planning to read Kayla's first book next.

[Carol Wakefield · Rating 4 out of 5]

The author, an Iraq veteran herself marries another veteran, one with a serious brain injury. The book relates their often very difficult journey to make progress against his PTSD and at times her need for control. And a story of the early days of inadequate physical and mental medical services for the returnees and of the specific problems women service persons meet both during and after wartime. A moving and informative book.

[Jill · Rating 3 out of 5]

This was a great follow-up to her first book, Love My Rifle More Than You. This book takes place where the first book ended, but is mainly about her as caregiver to a severely wounded vet, her husband. It's a book I think all US citizens should read. It does a great job of detailing the struggles returning wounded warriors face.

Please do yourself a favor and read the first book before starting this one.

[Joy · Rating 3 out of 5]

This book tells how an Arabic linguist and her husband met while serving in the Army in Iraq. Brian, the husband, suffers from a brain injury. It was a hard-to-read accounting of their relationship and Brian's long road to recovery.

[Shannon O · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is a great book. I thought this book gave just a little insight as to what our heroes experience when they return from war. Everyone should read a book like this so they have a better understanding and a new respect for what these heroes do for our freedom.

[Francie · Rating 4 out of 5]

Interesting read- I now have a much better understanding of traumatic brain injuries and PTSD.

[Reader · Rating 5 out of 5]

well-written, coudn't put it down.

[Lisa · Rating 3 out of 5]

An easy read with an important story to tell.

[Carey · Rating 4 out of 5]

A realistic, no fluff story about two veterans back from the war in Iraq brings a clarity to those of us that want to understand what it's like to come back to the US. I really appreciated the honesty with which she shares her experiences. I have not forgotten about the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan and those that went to fight them.