It's like this book was made for me. As someone mentally stuck in their time at art school, who's loved teachers who were controversial to or even reviled by students and faculty alike--teachers who, even if they were to ask me now, I would probably literally kill for--the premise had me hook, line, and sinker, even if I've never been much for music. I bought an ebook, then realized that Catherine Con Morse was giving a reading in my city, then realized that she was actually incredibly cool so I bought a copy for her to sign, then devoured it quicker than I normally do non-podcast books.
Simply put, it's great. An earnest and sweet coming of age that brought back all the good bad and ugly memories of the place that made me who I am today. A great read for anyone who's into boarding school stories, art (especially music), obsession, complicated relationships with authority figures, and the bitter, all-encompassing loneliness that comes with pursuing a craft.
But I wouldn't be a Guy With A Podcast (tm) without taking advantage of an opportunity to ramble on and on about my opinions, so here we are. There were a couple things that didn't sit right with me--the sum of which isn't more than one star off--just things I would want to see improved upon in future books from Morse.
The big thing is: the pacing feels off. If I recall correctly, another reviewer called it "too fast and too slow". It's apt but can't be literally accurate; my guess is what we're experiencing is a byproduct of the book not being able to decide whether it's about the Claire and Rocky's romance or Claire's teacher-student relationship to Dr. Li. "Both" is absolutely an acceptable answer, and I think that's Morse's answer too, but what makes this impossible is that (at least in reference to Claire) Rocky scenes are Rocky scenes, Dr. Li scenes are Dr. Li scenes. With Rocky, it's "wow, you're really going through it (because of your reaction Li's demands of you). Anyways, I think I kind of like you". And with Dr. Li, it's "wow, you really demand so much of us and it's affecting us. Anyways, you're so mysterious". Dr. Li is too fast, Rocky is too slow. Podcast listeners will be familiar with the concept of "accordioning"--expanding and contracting plot beats until it reaches equillibrium--The Notes is a fully-expanded accordion, just slightly compressed.
What's realy enforcing that boundary between Rocky and Li is the plot is very soft on Claire (more on that sentiment later), and feels very hesitant to hold her feet to the fire and demand that she form an opinion--not about Li and Rocky in relationship to her, but in relationship to each other. Buried in my oversimplified quotes is one final step--an actual exploration of the ideas being presented. Claire's surrogate mother figure is indisputably, attributably, materially harming the boy she likes--this is SUCH an interesting and juicy dynamic! But Claire is--by herself, the plot, and the people around her--allowed to be in denial of this, up until the very end (No, Dr. Li, you weren't being too hard on us! she more or less says). I don't expect or necessarily want her to form a mature and measured, end-all-be-all take, but this book-defining (intentional) contradiction is never the square focus of a conversation, at least not to a point where it affects Claire.
On a more ephemeral note, here's where the sentiment of softness/tenderness comes back--I think I'd peg this as the single most all-encompassing issue of the book. The narrative is just TOO damn sweet and sentimental that it's not willing to dive into anything too unpleasant, which is a bizarre thing to say about a book that deals so unflinchingly with mental health. I feel there's a layer of protection over the events of the book that feels (perhaps appropriately) maternal or like a teacher. Rocky's ugliest struggles with his mental health are off-screen. The narrative has an interest in Claire's otherness at school/the US--I mean, the whole impetus of her infatuation is Dr. Li is the fact that she's the only Asian teacher--but the combination of Green Valley being such a warm blanket and Claire's primary ostracizers being the Asian society makes it hard to explore these themes. This isn't a huge issue--a thing can be part of one's identity but not the sole arbiter of their every experience--but it came to a head towards the end of the book when Claire runs through a list of microaggressions and other interactions with racism the likes of which we haven't seen throughout the book. These events predate her being at Green Valley. These experiences are very genuine and no less poignant for us not having been there to experience them, but the narrative could have benefitted from taking Claire's fish out of water more to illustrate her experiences. What's left can only feel vestigial.
Moving on from the character dynamics--this is a combination of unfair, subjective, and if I had to guess an editing note from the publisher, but--this didn't really feel like a story written by a music student. I don't know exactly what I was expecting. Maybe a lot of comparisons to voices or other sounds being like this that or the other Italian word, maybe an interest in meter or other sonic aspects of writing (but please God no alliterations). These things are there, but only when Claire is in an especially music-y mood; it feels like there was a lot of texture that got sanded off--too much for my taste.
I hope what all of that boils down to is "I wanted more of this". I wanted this book to be longer, delve deeper, bite harder, and I'll definitely be ordering what Morse does next to see how her voice evolves.