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Big Little Man: In Search of My Asian Self
“Alex Tizon fearlessly penetrates the core of not just what it means to be male and Asian in America, but what it means to be human anywhere.”—Cheryl Strayed, New York Times bestselling author Shame, Alex Tizon tells us, is universal—his own happened to be about race. To counteract the steady diet of American television and movies that taught Tizon to be ashamed of his face, his skin color, his height, he turned outward. (“I had to educate myself on my own worth. It was a sloppy, piecemeal education, but I had to do it because no one else was going to do it for me.”) Tizon illuminates his youthful search for Asian men who had no place in his American history books or classrooms. And he tracks what he experienced as seismic the rise of powerful, dynamic Asian men like Yahoo! cofounder Jerry Yang, actor Ken Watanabe, and NBA starter Jeremy Lin. Included in this new edition of Big Little Man is Alex Tizon’s “My Family’s Slave”—2017’s best-read digital article. Published only weeks after Tizon’s death in 2017, it delivers a provocative, haunting, and ultimately redemptive coda. “A ruthlessly honest personal story and a devastating critique of contemporary American culture.”—The Seattle Times “Part candid memoir, part incisive cultural study, Big Little Man addresses—and explodes—the stereotypes of Asian manhood. Alex Tizon writes with acumen and courage, and the result is a book at once illuminating and, yes, liberating.”—Peter Ho Davies, author of The Welsh Girl “This personal narrative of self-education and growth will engage any reader captivated by the sources of American, and Asian-American, manhood—its multitude of inheritances and prospects.”—Minneapolis Star Tribune
306 pages, Kindle Edition
First published January 1, 2014
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About the author
Alex Tizon
3 books31 followersAlex Tizon was an American author and Pulitzer Prize-winning journalist.
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 130 reviews
April 30, 2014
Full Disclosure: I requested an advanced copy of Big Little Man from NetGalley thinking I could write an unbiased review. Silly of me, really. Alex Tizon is, after all, my big brother. His history is linked with mine. His dad, the big dreamer, is my dad too. This is not a professional review but rather my own personal reaction to this book.
I already knew some of the stories shared within the pages of Big Little Man and yet reading them here transformed them into something more than just tales I'd grown up hearing. I remember the "fire" story but I never knew how it started or that dad was, in part, responsible for its cause. Of course, that may be because I only ever heard dad's version of things. It never occurred to me that having a fireplace was such a big deal to my immigrant family or that their pursuit of the ultimate American Dream, complete with white Christmases and Presto logs in the fireplace, nearly killed them all. I recall dad's obsession with his nose but I didn't know he was trying to make it taller so he could make himself more handsome, which for him meant more Anglo and less Filipino. I never completely understood what dad meant when he told me I had a good nose because it wasn't flat. Unlike Alex, I was oblivious to the implications of this.
"Your nose is so round! And so flat! Talagang Pilipino! So Filipino!"
"What's wrong with flat?"
"Nothing is wrong with flat. Pero sharper is better. People will treat you better. They'll think you come from a better family."
I am one of the sisters mentioned in this book who married a white guy. In my defense, I once had a crush on an Asian boy who took no notice of me whatsoever. In fact, no Asian boys seemed to notice me, at least not romantically. I figured I was the wrong kind of Asian girl. Not petite enough, a little too opinionated, a little too Americanized. That's the thing about being Asian in America. You try to live in both worlds at the same time and end up feeling like you don't belong in either.
Seeing things from my brother's point of view, learning how our father's history, and that of many known and unknown Asian men, shaped him from a young boy to the man he is today, opened my eyes to a perspective I had not previously considered. I know well the culture clash of being raised Asian inside the home and having to translate that culture in a workable way outside of it. I too had to navigate my brown self through a sea of white but as so often happens with siblings, our stories, our takeaways from our history and experiences, are vastly different.
Big Little Man asks the question: What does it mean to be an Asian man? What did it mean then? What does it mean now in a landscape where the ground below us is in a state of perpetual shift? More than that, it presents universal themes that speak of how we relate to our parents, our ancestors, and the world we live in. Alex's perspective is his own and at the same time it can relate to any man's search for himself, regardless of his color.
I had no idea the emotional impact Big Little Man would have on me. Or that I would cry myself to sleep thinking of our dad in his last days looking back on his life. In my mind, I see our nephew, Kai, searching for some unknown something in the "Asian" corner of a video store. He has been taught all about the great explorers and conquerers of our collective history in school. Magellan, Darwin, Columbus. Except that history didn't include Zheng He, the great Asian explorer who, I admit, I hadn't heard of either before reading this book. In Big Little Man, Alex wonders how it might have changed things for him if the history he'd been raised on had also included our Asian ancestors' stories. Big Little Man is honest, at times painfully so. It is courageous and bold and hopeful.
I already knew some of the stories shared within the pages of Big Little Man and yet reading them here transformed them into something more than just tales I'd grown up hearing. I remember the "fire" story but I never knew how it started or that dad was, in part, responsible for its cause. Of course, that may be because I only ever heard dad's version of things. It never occurred to me that having a fireplace was such a big deal to my immigrant family or that their pursuit of the ultimate American Dream, complete with white Christmases and Presto logs in the fireplace, nearly killed them all. I recall dad's obsession with his nose but I didn't know he was trying to make it taller so he could make himself more handsome, which for him meant more Anglo and less Filipino. I never completely understood what dad meant when he told me I had a good nose because it wasn't flat. Unlike Alex, I was oblivious to the implications of this.
"Your nose is so round! And so flat! Talagang Pilipino! So Filipino!"
"What's wrong with flat?"
"Nothing is wrong with flat. Pero sharper is better. People will treat you better. They'll think you come from a better family."
I am one of the sisters mentioned in this book who married a white guy. In my defense, I once had a crush on an Asian boy who took no notice of me whatsoever. In fact, no Asian boys seemed to notice me, at least not romantically. I figured I was the wrong kind of Asian girl. Not petite enough, a little too opinionated, a little too Americanized. That's the thing about being Asian in America. You try to live in both worlds at the same time and end up feeling like you don't belong in either.
Seeing things from my brother's point of view, learning how our father's history, and that of many known and unknown Asian men, shaped him from a young boy to the man he is today, opened my eyes to a perspective I had not previously considered. I know well the culture clash of being raised Asian inside the home and having to translate that culture in a workable way outside of it. I too had to navigate my brown self through a sea of white but as so often happens with siblings, our stories, our takeaways from our history and experiences, are vastly different.
Big Little Man asks the question: What does it mean to be an Asian man? What did it mean then? What does it mean now in a landscape where the ground below us is in a state of perpetual shift? More than that, it presents universal themes that speak of how we relate to our parents, our ancestors, and the world we live in. Alex's perspective is his own and at the same time it can relate to any man's search for himself, regardless of his color.
I had no idea the emotional impact Big Little Man would have on me. Or that I would cry myself to sleep thinking of our dad in his last days looking back on his life. In my mind, I see our nephew, Kai, searching for some unknown something in the "Asian" corner of a video store. He has been taught all about the great explorers and conquerers of our collective history in school. Magellan, Darwin, Columbus. Except that history didn't include Zheng He, the great Asian explorer who, I admit, I hadn't heard of either before reading this book. In Big Little Man, Alex wonders how it might have changed things for him if the history he'd been raised on had also included our Asian ancestors' stories. Big Little Man is honest, at times painfully so. It is courageous and bold and hopeful.
June 24, 2017
I wish I could hear about an Asian man's experience that doesn't claim Asian women "have it easier" because they're objects of sexual desire of white men. Alex Tizon has an entire chapter dedicated to how he feels this way. It's baffling because in the chapter right before he talks the forces that oppress and subjugate Asian women as sexual objects in both Asian and Western culture. He describes experiences from women who are harassed, a woman who goes from being a "delicate lotus" to a "dragon woman" solely because she is capable at her job, and even a friend who doesn't fit the mold of being a delicate, tiny Asian and is ignored to the point where she feels invisible. Yet he can't connect these dots to the next chapter. He describes being unsure if the women who expressed romantic interest in him were only doing so because he was Asian after writing whole paragraphs about the "yellow fever" phenomenon that affected Asian women. He talks about the way Asian men are stereotyped in movies, but doesn't acknowledge that Asian women are stereotyped into roles as well (what movie has the Asian woman shooting ping pong balls from her vagina?). Yes, we have Lucy Liu, our token Asian actress, but who else? He talks about how few Asian men reach the top levels of their corporate jobs, how many Asian women do? These stereotypes are two sides of the same coin.
I understand that he's speaking from his perspective. As an Asian man living in the US, growing up when he did he experienced a level of blatant racism that I will not in the present. I am disappointed that he is unable to extend his experiences and understanding to Asian women as well. The same racism that paints Asian men as feminine and undesirable sexually paints Asian women as hypersexual and submissive. This affects the way we move through life as well, in our jobs and in public. And being objects of sexual desire more often than not makes it more difficult, not easier. Tizon describes grappling with internalized racism without extending that understanding to the Asian women who shamed him and refused to date him. That does not excuse their actions, they are practicing prejudice and racism. Tizon's writing however, expressed an entitlement that rubbed me the wrong way. Especially in his closing line "I know nothing hurts more than being rejected by someone who should love you." SHOULD love you.
I understand that he's speaking from his perspective. As an Asian man living in the US, growing up when he did he experienced a level of blatant racism that I will not in the present. I am disappointed that he is unable to extend his experiences and understanding to Asian women as well. The same racism that paints Asian men as feminine and undesirable sexually paints Asian women as hypersexual and submissive. This affects the way we move through life as well, in our jobs and in public. And being objects of sexual desire more often than not makes it more difficult, not easier. Tizon describes grappling with internalized racism without extending that understanding to the Asian women who shamed him and refused to date him. That does not excuse their actions, they are practicing prejudice and racism. Tizon's writing however, expressed an entitlement that rubbed me the wrong way. Especially in his closing line "I know nothing hurts more than being rejected by someone who should love you." SHOULD love you.
February 6, 2023
I read his book, Big Little Man, for a masculinities course last year and NOWHERE in it does he even hint at the existence of his household slave. He tells a lot of stories of his childhood and details mini biographies of his parents lives, especially as they pertain to the experience of Asian immigrants and he never once mentions Eudocia. I had a few problems with his book but learning that he so completely erased a human being really strikes a chord. The musings about how Asian women "have it better" because white people see them as exotic and beautiful while Asian men are emasculated in Western media was bad enough. Fetishization is not a route to privilege it is a system of othering, marginalization, and oppression. It is dangerous, in my opinion, to critique constructs of masculinity by idealizing even more deadly, dehumanizing constructs of feminity.
August 30, 2022
A hard book to rate. Hugely problematic but provokes a lot of fruitful reflection compared to others in the mostly vapid subgenre of Asian American confessionals. I think it deserves to be read, critically, with many of the takeaways surgically extracted and discarded.
Tizon's personal hypocrisy is real; his family's slaveownership is unforgivable and you can sense his cowardice in the way he minimized Eudocia Tomas Pulido ("Lola")'s role in his life in this book. It's too bad the guy died right before his Atlantic essay came out, thereby avoiding the public inquisition he deserved.
Evaluating the book itself, Tizon provides a lot of incisive observations about the pain of being an Asian American man. He identifies (compellingly, I think) a deep shame as a defining aspect of our experience, and traces that shame through history, everyday culture, vulgarities, etc. The examples resonate. For me, every chapter felt like a punch to the gut.
But the framing of these insights, and the solutions implicit in them, are trapped in Tizon's inadequate politics, which accepts our world of empire and machismo, lamenting only that it's not also wielded by Eastern men. It's already clear in the first chapter: "Men of Asia…lost wars. They let their nations be conquered and dominated. They allowed their women to be turned into groupies and whores. The men of Asia had no choice. They went limp in the face of Western power."
Still, in this book from 2014, there's a kind of rawness, an actual outrage and urgent imperative to change things, that I don't find in the more recent wave of Asian American memoirs, which leave me feeling like all I can do nothing but go to therapy. One day I hope to read a book that's as righteous and smartly written as this one, but channels its energy towards the social struggle against a world that prizes conquest and domination. I think Asian men, especially of the diaspora, have the capacity to find meaning in such a struggle.
All in all, the author may not be deserving of praise, but the book makes an interesting contribution. We need to rid ourselves of this shame, but not in the ways Tizon suggests.
Tizon's personal hypocrisy is real; his family's slaveownership is unforgivable and you can sense his cowardice in the way he minimized Eudocia Tomas Pulido ("Lola")'s role in his life in this book. It's too bad the guy died right before his Atlantic essay came out, thereby avoiding the public inquisition he deserved.
Evaluating the book itself, Tizon provides a lot of incisive observations about the pain of being an Asian American man. He identifies (compellingly, I think) a deep shame as a defining aspect of our experience, and traces that shame through history, everyday culture, vulgarities, etc. The examples resonate. For me, every chapter felt like a punch to the gut.
But the framing of these insights, and the solutions implicit in them, are trapped in Tizon's inadequate politics, which accepts our world of empire and machismo, lamenting only that it's not also wielded by Eastern men. It's already clear in the first chapter: "Men of Asia…lost wars. They let their nations be conquered and dominated. They allowed their women to be turned into groupies and whores. The men of Asia had no choice. They went limp in the face of Western power."
Still, in this book from 2014, there's a kind of rawness, an actual outrage and urgent imperative to change things, that I don't find in the more recent wave of Asian American memoirs, which leave me feeling like all I can do nothing but go to therapy. One day I hope to read a book that's as righteous and smartly written as this one, but channels its energy towards the social struggle against a world that prizes conquest and domination. I think Asian men, especially of the diaspora, have the capacity to find meaning in such a struggle.
All in all, the author may not be deserving of praise, but the book makes an interesting contribution. We need to rid ourselves of this shame, but not in the ways Tizon suggests.
August 17, 2014
The Good. This is a thoroughly enjoyable memoir. Alex's reflections are deep and poignant. The research is impeccable, kind of leaving me to feel as if I have a lot more reading and film watching to do, despite considering myself an aficionado of both.
The Mmeh Okay. He drew me into his argument; particularly during his citation of Asian films and male actors, or lack there of. I found myself behind the book `silently' screaming "Jackie Chan! Jackie Chan!" I love Jackie Chan. He is one of the most, if not the most, charismatic and intelligent actor I've ever seen on screen. And I know it's not only me who feels this way. Maybe the films he's starred in aren't up to `par' in accordance with a majority ranking, or perhaps it's missing the point by generalizing Asians in a simple context, but that's just it... which further along Alex does an excellent job elucidating how following what's popular being a prime peccadillo to marginalizing grandeur overlooked.
And still, the Best Part is the writing! I couldn't get enough of the writing. It's eloquent... refined... it dances. "...pockets out--immigrant poor" and "those teeth. I still see them" along with that `hinterlands of the field' and many, many more euphemisms I simply treasured. The parallels he draws to `Land of Giants' is tremendous. He nails the `American Premise.' Laughed to tears about him pulling out that ruler. Oh my goodness, really? The many cases and references he cites... just on and on this smoothly goes, the makings of a remarkable journalistic memoir. I highly recommend Big Little Man.
The Mmeh Okay. He drew me into his argument; particularly during his citation of Asian films and male actors, or lack there of. I found myself behind the book `silently' screaming "Jackie Chan! Jackie Chan!" I love Jackie Chan. He is one of the most, if not the most, charismatic and intelligent actor I've ever seen on screen. And I know it's not only me who feels this way. Maybe the films he's starred in aren't up to `par' in accordance with a majority ranking, or perhaps it's missing the point by generalizing Asians in a simple context, but that's just it... which further along Alex does an excellent job elucidating how following what's popular being a prime peccadillo to marginalizing grandeur overlooked.
And still, the Best Part is the writing! I couldn't get enough of the writing. It's eloquent... refined... it dances. "...pockets out--immigrant poor" and "those teeth. I still see them" along with that `hinterlands of the field' and many, many more euphemisms I simply treasured. The parallels he draws to `Land of Giants' is tremendous. He nails the `American Premise.' Laughed to tears about him pulling out that ruler. Oh my goodness, really? The many cases and references he cites... just on and on this smoothly goes, the makings of a remarkable journalistic memoir. I highly recommend Big Little Man.
September 10, 2016
A good read for non-Asian to understand Asian mentality and masculinity, and for Asian to reflect on self identity.
Born and raised in China, came to US at age 22, I don't necessarily feel that I'm American even though I have been living here for seven years and got very used to the American lifestyle. I always consider myself Chinese and I'm very proud of it. But still, Tizon's stories resonate with me, because Americans don't treat us differently. To them, we are Asians, regardless of how long we have been in this country. In that sense, I'm luckier than Tizon, because I'm not expecting Americans to see me as an American, therefore less frustrated when they don't. And of course, they normally don't.
Like Tizon, I'm constantly aware of my race and thinking what does it mean to be an Asian in US. This book doesn't really provide a whole new view for me, rather, it says exactly what I have seen and felt. But reading those thoughts articulated by a Pulitzer Prize winner and knowing I am not alone with shames, self-doubts, confusions, and most importantly, the gradual acceptance of all these feelings, and the realization that it's always who we truly are, not what labels we are wearing, that matters the most, is a very reassuring experience.
Born and raised in China, came to US at age 22, I don't necessarily feel that I'm American even though I have been living here for seven years and got very used to the American lifestyle. I always consider myself Chinese and I'm very proud of it. But still, Tizon's stories resonate with me, because Americans don't treat us differently. To them, we are Asians, regardless of how long we have been in this country. In that sense, I'm luckier than Tizon, because I'm not expecting Americans to see me as an American, therefore less frustrated when they don't. And of course, they normally don't.
Like Tizon, I'm constantly aware of my race and thinking what does it mean to be an Asian in US. This book doesn't really provide a whole new view for me, rather, it says exactly what I have seen and felt. But reading those thoughts articulated by a Pulitzer Prize winner and knowing I am not alone with shames, self-doubts, confusions, and most importantly, the gradual acceptance of all these feelings, and the realization that it's always who we truly are, not what labels we are wearing, that matters the most, is a very reassuring experience.
March 1, 2025
There are some things I deeply disagree with in this book or at least the way the author shapes his argument. For instance, the idea that the sexual abuse or mistreatment that Asian women experience is somehow still better than being ignored, the experience of Asian men in the West. I can't speak for all women, and I certainly can't speak for Asian or Asian American women, but I personally would rather be ignored.
That being said, I did rather enjoy this book. It was both eloquent and a speedy read. It was a self-reflectve and well researched book about Asian American masculinity, specifically the Filipino American male experience. I have noticed that other reviews have heavily emphasized how bitter the author seemed about being an Asian male and you know what, it is sorta whiny. It is both entitled, specifically in regard to what an Asian male should expect from Asian women, and slightly bitter that White males have to work much less hard to get much more (this isn't wrong).
This isn't overwhelming for me as a reader for a few reasons.
1) the writing is top notch
2) the book is short
3) the author changed his attitude a bit over time because this is a book largely about growing up an Asian male in American. The point being that the author is allowed to learn and change his opinion.
The last chapter was probably my favorite because it touches on some things the author hadn't brought up prior. Like racism/colorism in Asia itself and that the authors desire to attach himself to heroic historical men from other Asian countries does not mean they would want his attention
It also sees the author realizing that his feelings about being an Asian American male needed some revamping as he begins to identify with multiple parts of his identity. So, yes some of the ideas espoused in this book are flawed, but this is a deeply personal work about one man's experience in the greater context of being an Asian American male or Asian male in America.
As a note, the version of the book I read included the short story "My Family's Slave," which was the reason I came across this book in the first place. Having read it first, I did find it odd that he didn't mention the whole slavery aspect in the book itself. Again, this showcases how secondary the female experience does seem to the author.
That being said, I did rather enjoy this book. It was both eloquent and a speedy read. It was a self-reflectve and well researched book about Asian American masculinity, specifically the Filipino American male experience. I have noticed that other reviews have heavily emphasized how bitter the author seemed about being an Asian male and you know what, it is sorta whiny. It is both entitled, specifically in regard to what an Asian male should expect from Asian women, and slightly bitter that White males have to work much less hard to get much more (this isn't wrong).
This isn't overwhelming for me as a reader for a few reasons.
1) the writing is top notch
2) the book is short
3) the author changed his attitude a bit over time because this is a book largely about growing up an Asian male in American. The point being that the author is allowed to learn and change his opinion.
The last chapter was probably my favorite because it touches on some things the author hadn't brought up prior. Like racism/colorism in Asia itself and that the authors desire to attach himself to heroic historical men from other Asian countries does not mean they would want his attention
It also sees the author realizing that his feelings about being an Asian American male needed some revamping as he begins to identify with multiple parts of his identity. So, yes some of the ideas espoused in this book are flawed, but this is a deeply personal work about one man's experience in the greater context of being an Asian American male or Asian male in America.
As a note, the version of the book I read included the short story "My Family's Slave," which was the reason I came across this book in the first place. Having read it first, I did find it odd that he didn't mention the whole slavery aspect in the book itself. Again, this showcases how secondary the female experience does seem to the author.
June 30, 2014
For anyone who has ever wondered what it’s like to be an Asian man living in a Western country like the US, this is a book you should not miss.
Alex Tizon is painfully honest about his own struggles with a sense of inferiority, of searching for an identity, of feeling marginalized in mainstream American society. My husband is a Chinese national and I witnessed his treatment over the years in the US; reading Alex's memoir was like a revelation, someone giving voice and even an explanation to what was often unbelievable and even shocking to me.
Alex also delivers a scathing critique of how Western society has sullied the image of Asian manhood in many different ways. If you’re well-read in this area, it’s not necessarily new territory. But the value of this memoir is that Alex has integrated so many different sides of this issue -- yellow fever, the bamboo ceiling, even Hollywood and how it perpetuates a skewed image of Asian men -- into one fantastic book.
It’s well-written and addictive, especially because Alex holds nothing back from the reader (even when it comes to discussing his own manhood, if you know what I mean). There’s also so much packed within the pages that I want to read it all over again. This is a book I will cherish for years as the ultimate explanation to why Asian men in the West do not necessarily have it all.
(Disclosure: I received this book for free through NetGalley.com)
Alex Tizon is painfully honest about his own struggles with a sense of inferiority, of searching for an identity, of feeling marginalized in mainstream American society. My husband is a Chinese national and I witnessed his treatment over the years in the US; reading Alex's memoir was like a revelation, someone giving voice and even an explanation to what was often unbelievable and even shocking to me.
Alex also delivers a scathing critique of how Western society has sullied the image of Asian manhood in many different ways. If you’re well-read in this area, it’s not necessarily new territory. But the value of this memoir is that Alex has integrated so many different sides of this issue -- yellow fever, the bamboo ceiling, even Hollywood and how it perpetuates a skewed image of Asian men -- into one fantastic book.
It’s well-written and addictive, especially because Alex holds nothing back from the reader (even when it comes to discussing his own manhood, if you know what I mean). There’s also so much packed within the pages that I want to read it all over again. This is a book I will cherish for years as the ultimate explanation to why Asian men in the West do not necessarily have it all.
(Disclosure: I received this book for free through NetGalley.com)
August 26, 2014
Thought-provoking memoir about growing up as an Asian male in America. I instantly felt a kinship with author (and fellow Filipino American) Alex Tizon as he recounted his coming to terms with how Asian men are perceived in the U.S. His words really hit home and on several occasions I found myself nodding in agreement or verbalizing a “yes.”
An award-winning journalist, Tizon skillfully weaves his personal narrative into discussions of Asian male invisibility and the stereotypes used in the media. His journey to a better understanding of his identity was thoroughly engrossing; he could have easily gone down a more academic route, but thankfully his unflinchingly honest prose made for a provocative (and at times heartbreaking) read. Whether it was media portrayals of the Yellow Peril or personal interactions with less enlightened individuals (both white and non-white), Tizon’s account is educational and ultimately uplifting; it’s a book that will stay with me long after reading … and rightfully so.
An award-winning journalist, Tizon skillfully weaves his personal narrative into discussions of Asian male invisibility and the stereotypes used in the media. His journey to a better understanding of his identity was thoroughly engrossing; he could have easily gone down a more academic route, but thankfully his unflinchingly honest prose made for a provocative (and at times heartbreaking) read. Whether it was media portrayals of the Yellow Peril or personal interactions with less enlightened individuals (both white and non-white), Tizon’s account is educational and ultimately uplifting; it’s a book that will stay with me long after reading … and rightfully so.
March 6, 2018
I only got halfway into the book before I gave up. Alex Tizon is so bitter about being an Asian man, so desperate to get approval from others and is constantly seeing himself as a victim. He complained so much about girls that had no interest in him, but he faded out on girls that did like him (and he liked back) because he was so focused on his self pity. I'm an immigrant from an Asian country, and most people feel that sense of not belonging in the beginning, not till they become an adult. Also, all the history lessons about how Asian women were treated horribly in the past were confusing to me. He's not a woman so how is this relevant to his experience? Hopefully the second half of the book is more uplifting and encourages others like him to be more positive, because I started reading this book hoping to be able to empathize and it's doing the exact opposite.
February 17, 2015
As a Taiwanese American female, living in a community with alpha Asian American males married to blonds or Asian Americans, I could not relate to the author at all. Perhaps, the author was relating a Filipino-American male experience and not so much Asian American? There's a chapter about how he didn't know about the accomplishments a Chinese sailor, given how public schools focus on Western history. If you're part of the Chinese diaspora, you're told at a young age that the Chinese invented everything and there's greatness that comes with being the descendants of dragons. The chapter on Asian American males in media would have been a decent essay, had he not confused Jay Chou with John Cho. *eye roll*
November 14, 2014
Woe is me memoir Asian men have small penises. Asian women can be dragon ladies or meek and submissive. Author Alex Tizon explores perceptions of Asians, racism and more in his memoir of growing up and traveling.
Honestly, I was quite bored. The content is quite important. The shift in media (Asian side kicks), in society (he encountered Asian women who only wanted to date Caucasian men), observing the the sex tourism industry up close, the idea of the "model minority," the shift from "Oriental" to "Asian," etc.
But I found the book really tedious and occasionally confusing to read. He constantly shifts time periods: sometimes he's a kid, he's in the present, he's recalling his college days, he's walking the street about to be mugged, etc. I felt the book couldn't quite decide what it wanted to be. Memoir? A study of the West's perception of Asians?
Sometimes it could get quite annoying. He'd meet women in school or in the neighborhood who had no interest in him. He was a brother, they were only interested in dating white men, etc. Maybe, just maybe there were a few who just weren't interested in you, dude. I got a little tired of the "woe is me" tone.
I had really high hopes for this. He's brought up some excellent points for discussion, but I feel it could have used much better editing and tightening up of themes, more academic discussion/research, his memories, etc. Recommend browsing at the bookstore first or borrowing from the library.
Honestly, I was quite bored. The content is quite important. The shift in media (Asian side kicks), in society (he encountered Asian women who only wanted to date Caucasian men), observing the the sex tourism industry up close, the idea of the "model minority," the shift from "Oriental" to "Asian," etc.
But I found the book really tedious and occasionally confusing to read. He constantly shifts time periods: sometimes he's a kid, he's in the present, he's recalling his college days, he's walking the street about to be mugged, etc. I felt the book couldn't quite decide what it wanted to be. Memoir? A study of the West's perception of Asians?
Sometimes it could get quite annoying. He'd meet women in school or in the neighborhood who had no interest in him. He was a brother, they were only interested in dating white men, etc. Maybe, just maybe there were a few who just weren't interested in you, dude. I got a little tired of the "woe is me" tone.
I had really high hopes for this. He's brought up some excellent points for discussion, but I feel it could have used much better editing and tightening up of themes, more academic discussion/research, his memories, etc. Recommend browsing at the bookstore first or borrowing from the library.
June 28, 2021
This book is a study in toxic masculinity.
That is all.
That is all.
May 12, 2021
Lately, it feels like there's been an explosion of interest in the literature of the Asian experience in America.
It feels like there’s always been a latent appetite for first generation stories of immigrant Americans who often can speak to often tragic narratives of sacrifice, escaping war and want to the pursuit of happiness and betterment of their destiny.
On the flip side, there’s never seemed to be as much interest in the stories of second generation Asian Americans.
In the last five years, there seems to be an ever-willing audience of the stories written by / of and / depicting American Asians. Eddie Huang's autobiographical book, Fresh Off The Boat was remade into a serialised comedy, Kevin Kwan’s Crazy Rich Asian became a box-office hit and David Chang’s autobiography - Like a Peach became a bestseller.
Big Little Man opens with Tizon in a taxi on the Philippine island of Mactan on his way to see the Magellan monument. Bristling at the subservience of his driver who continues to call him Sir despite him requesting otherwise Tizon's first introspection is foundational to the book's opening narrative. Ask any Asian of a certain age will tell you they know one Asian with a complicated relationship with their heritage. Nobody seems to do self-loathing better than Asians and Tizon is no different.
The rest is mostly a chronological account of Tizon’s and his family’s arrival in the U.S, their struggle for place and acceptance in their new adopted land.
Although Tizon's writing style is direct and mostly factual, in the manner you would expect of a journalist, and many of Tizon’s experiences are replete with the typical tropes that many children of immigrants experience can mostly relate to, it's Tizon’s honest appraisal and reflection of his experiences and feelings that really shine as the highlight for this book.
Whereas some authors will hide their indignation and resentment in prose and rhetoric, even poetry - Tizon is direct, open and vulnerable.
Perhaps Tizon is a little too hetronormative, his story a bit too filled with pathos but it really seems a loss that Little Big Man isn’t included in recommended reading lists about Asian Americans. Tizon certainly gave me a lot to reflect on and I am more wise for having read his book.
Tizon died at age 57, a few years after the publication of Big Little Man. Somehow his death felt way too soon and I wonder what Tizon would have to say about the state of the world today.
The same month of his death, the Atlantic posthumously published his article, ‘My Family’s Slave’ about Lola who was indentured servant ‘given’ to his mother by Tizon’s maternal grandfather who practically raised Tizon and his siblings. Reprints of Big Little Man include the article as a coda and I think it's better off for it. It’s the version to pick if you plan on picking it up.
It feels like there’s always been a latent appetite for first generation stories of immigrant Americans who often can speak to often tragic narratives of sacrifice, escaping war and want to the pursuit of happiness and betterment of their destiny.
On the flip side, there’s never seemed to be as much interest in the stories of second generation Asian Americans.
In the last five years, there seems to be an ever-willing audience of the stories written by / of and / depicting American Asians. Eddie Huang's autobiographical book, Fresh Off The Boat was remade into a serialised comedy, Kevin Kwan’s Crazy Rich Asian became a box-office hit and David Chang’s autobiography - Like a Peach became a bestseller.
Big Little Man opens with Tizon in a taxi on the Philippine island of Mactan on his way to see the Magellan monument. Bristling at the subservience of his driver who continues to call him Sir despite him requesting otherwise Tizon's first introspection is foundational to the book's opening narrative. Ask any Asian of a certain age will tell you they know one Asian with a complicated relationship with their heritage. Nobody seems to do self-loathing better than Asians and Tizon is no different.
The rest is mostly a chronological account of Tizon’s and his family’s arrival in the U.S, their struggle for place and acceptance in their new adopted land.
Although Tizon's writing style is direct and mostly factual, in the manner you would expect of a journalist, and many of Tizon’s experiences are replete with the typical tropes that many children of immigrants experience can mostly relate to, it's Tizon’s honest appraisal and reflection of his experiences and feelings that really shine as the highlight for this book.
Whereas some authors will hide their indignation and resentment in prose and rhetoric, even poetry - Tizon is direct, open and vulnerable.
Perhaps Tizon is a little too hetronormative, his story a bit too filled with pathos but it really seems a loss that Little Big Man isn’t included in recommended reading lists about Asian Americans. Tizon certainly gave me a lot to reflect on and I am more wise for having read his book.
Tizon died at age 57, a few years after the publication of Big Little Man. Somehow his death felt way too soon and I wonder what Tizon would have to say about the state of the world today.
The same month of his death, the Atlantic posthumously published his article, ‘My Family’s Slave’ about Lola who was indentured servant ‘given’ to his mother by Tizon’s maternal grandfather who practically raised Tizon and his siblings. Reprints of Big Little Man include the article as a coda and I think it's better off for it. It’s the version to pick if you plan on picking it up.
September 5, 2020
Insightful, interesting, but the status-skewed and misogynistic tone undercut a lot of the author's points.
Disclaimer: White Male POV
First up, I gotta preface by saying this book contains sundry fantastic points that we could all do better by knowing. The direct and indirect oppression of Asian men in Western society is abhorrent and we should all be more aware of the multifarious ways in which our modern narratives perpetuate negative stereotypes because it doesn't only shortchange Asian men, but all of us.
Not only are the points well made, they're well researched. With a dense bibliography, all of the arguments Tizon makes are cited and referenced.
But that said, it's gross! Every argument proposed and discussed is centered around the same struggle: status. This book is written as a personal journey, Tizon states his points based on anecdotal evidence as if he wants the work to be treated as a sociology or anthropological study book. He puts forward the subjects dick size, height, muscle formation, sexual prowess, and aggression as markers of a man, and talks about the ways in which Asian men are perceived as lesser. But not until the final chapter, and never directly, does he pose the question: Should we be measuring how manly a man is by dick size or height?
Many times throughout the book, I wanted him to ask 'what makes a man?' instead of 'what makes Asian men different to white and black men?' Instead, the majority of the book reads as a tortured manifesto about why white women didn't find him attractive. Which brings us to the next point.
The way this author writes about women is disconcerting. Many times they are referenced as prizes, mere markers that quantify a man's success at 'being a man'. Tizon wrotes of his first major crush and lists her attractive features, all of which are physical, then turns on her when she sees him as a brother figure. A man spurned by unrequited lust but who isn't self aware makes for an unreliable narrator, I feel.
If you can read this without hearing whining, then it's well worth the education.
Disclaimer: White Male POV
First up, I gotta preface by saying this book contains sundry fantastic points that we could all do better by knowing. The direct and indirect oppression of Asian men in Western society is abhorrent and we should all be more aware of the multifarious ways in which our modern narratives perpetuate negative stereotypes because it doesn't only shortchange Asian men, but all of us.
Not only are the points well made, they're well researched. With a dense bibliography, all of the arguments Tizon makes are cited and referenced.
But that said, it's gross! Every argument proposed and discussed is centered around the same struggle: status. This book is written as a personal journey, Tizon states his points based on anecdotal evidence as if he wants the work to be treated as a sociology or anthropological study book. He puts forward the subjects dick size, height, muscle formation, sexual prowess, and aggression as markers of a man, and talks about the ways in which Asian men are perceived as lesser. But not until the final chapter, and never directly, does he pose the question: Should we be measuring how manly a man is by dick size or height?
Many times throughout the book, I wanted him to ask 'what makes a man?' instead of 'what makes Asian men different to white and black men?' Instead, the majority of the book reads as a tortured manifesto about why white women didn't find him attractive. Which brings us to the next point.
The way this author writes about women is disconcerting. Many times they are referenced as prizes, mere markers that quantify a man's success at 'being a man'. Tizon wrotes of his first major crush and lists her attractive features, all of which are physical, then turns on her when she sees him as a brother figure. A man spurned by unrequited lust but who isn't self aware makes for an unreliable narrator, I feel.
If you can read this without hearing whining, then it's well worth the education.
February 16, 2021
Deeply appreciated the posthumous addition of Lola's story to this edition of the book.
While I do have strong feminist critiques of Tizon's memoir, especially his chapter on dating and Asian women, I give him so much praise for how masterfully he discussed history, his own upbringing, cultural values and interactions, inner & outer oppression, and powerful conversations with others on shame.
Rather than enter the 'oppression olympics' and take away from his incredible journey from toxic to wholesome masculinity, I will simply say that his relationship with women seems to be the main unhealed shadow work of this otherwise exceptionally developed, culturally concious, and self-reflective memoir.
This book certainly left an impression and gives me something to aspire to as a writer.
Some of my favorite quotes from Big Little Man:
⭐ “timing is crucial: exposure had to occur when the seeker was able to receive the revelation.”
⭐ “I developed the sensory apparatus to apprehend fellow invisibles”
⭐ “it was a terrible love of the conquered for their conquerers.”
⭐ “I wondered at the eloquence that must have lived inside them [his parents] that never found a way out.”
And although the women in his book did not have very strong storylines, which is one of my critiques, I appreciated how he described his current marriage as, “a place where their deeper selves could relax."
I am sure I will think about this book for many weeks to come.
While I do have strong feminist critiques of Tizon's memoir, especially his chapter on dating and Asian women, I give him so much praise for how masterfully he discussed history, his own upbringing, cultural values and interactions, inner & outer oppression, and powerful conversations with others on shame.
Rather than enter the 'oppression olympics' and take away from his incredible journey from toxic to wholesome masculinity, I will simply say that his relationship with women seems to be the main unhealed shadow work of this otherwise exceptionally developed, culturally concious, and self-reflective memoir.
This book certainly left an impression and gives me something to aspire to as a writer.
Some of my favorite quotes from Big Little Man:
⭐ “timing is crucial: exposure had to occur when the seeker was able to receive the revelation.”
⭐ “I developed the sensory apparatus to apprehend fellow invisibles”
⭐ “it was a terrible love of the conquered for their conquerers.”
⭐ “I wondered at the eloquence that must have lived inside them [his parents] that never found a way out.”
And although the women in his book did not have very strong storylines, which is one of my critiques, I appreciated how he described his current marriage as, “a place where their deeper selves could relax."
I am sure I will think about this book for many weeks to come.
November 27, 2014
Strikingly honest; a universal story that gets you no matter who you are and where you come from, the goal of every writer and every book that’s ever been created. A well-paced bold confession of what it is like to be a newcomer in a land of dreams, the depiction of a struggle of finding oneself in the midst of change, shame and uprooting. One of those books I wish I wrote.
August 11, 2018
Alex Tizon verbalizes the asian american male experience in a way that is enlightening, personal, and relatable. He tackles tough subjects in his own life and provides his observations with anecdotes and historical facts.
July 14, 2017
4.5/5
A whole range of emotions are struck with Tizon's memoir. I only wish I had something like this to read while growing up in America.
A whole range of emotions are struck with Tizon's memoir. I only wish I had something like this to read while growing up in America.
April 26, 2021
A book I can not put down. The author described a very candid (painful) identity searching journey throughout his whole life. In early years, from the absence of the positive Asian role models in any history class from his school education, (Asian only showed up as victims or enemy), and the “oriental encounters “ in his neighborhood, he started to be ashamed of him being him. How he belittled gradually. He described how he tried different “coats” in his 20s to try to fit in, his dating life and stories from other Asian man, how he started to travel back to Asia to find some answers... in the end he didn’t find the cure, but he finds peace accepting himself. And the part he was watching how Asian man was absent from movies/TVs kind of remind me “interior Chinatown”. I hope what he experienced would be part of history and future generations will not have to face it.
February 9, 2023
Not what I expected, but it still was a good read!!!
Read
January 11, 2025I definitely didn’t expect the n word to appear twice in an Asian man’s memoir. I always question the motivation when that word is used uncensored in this way.
Was still quite the journey, with many quietly beautiful passages, poetic in their quality and remarkable in their clarity.
It’s a book that invites you to set down personal bias and pain for a while and just listen and learn with your heart.
It feels unmistakably 2010s, but worth it if like me this topic is still a bit in your blind spot. I learned some things and picked up new reading suggestions.
Was still quite the journey, with many quietly beautiful passages, poetic in their quality and remarkable in their clarity.
It’s a book that invites you to set down personal bias and pain for a while and just listen and learn with your heart.
It feels unmistakably 2010s, but worth it if like me this topic is still a bit in your blind spot. I learned some things and picked up new reading suggestions.
January 23, 2022
Put words to feelings I've had all my life.
August 15, 2024
I came across this book after a Filipino American shared his candid experience of being treated as the top class in the Philippines as a Chinese Filipino while experiencing the Asian stereotypes migrating to America as an adult.
I read 'My Family's Slave' before starting this book and it was such a heart-wrenching story that I cried several times while reading it and even had to pause before continuing.
The author grew up in America in the 70s and 80s as his parents moved as skilled workers to chase the American dream. He discussed the colonial history (Lapu Lapu), interracial marriage (white male and Asian female being the most common pair), underrepresentation on screen, dating undesirable, height, ignorance of eastern prosperity and civilization in education (Zheng He) and other aspects, which I feel had a huge negative impact on his self-worth, confidence and masculinity. It is a bit over in some paragraphs but I do not blame the author. It is definitely difficult to build them up when the society keeps reminding you that you are the minority (in his word 'invisible').
At the end of the book, the author told the same story (traveling to the Philippines and seeing white male and Filipina as temp travel partners) but with different perspective and also provided another side of the story from the colonizers' view. He also viewed his identity as Asian American with more contemporary lenses.
Hierarchy and discrimination exist in every society and it is more prevalent in Asia than countries with immigrants of various ethnic backgrounds. Chinese, Korean, Filipino and etc all belong to the same 'Asian' checkbox when you fill in out a form in US so the author celebrated the success of anyone coming from that box. But when you zoom in the subdivided groups in Asia, as the author mentioned during his trip back to the Philippines where the locals had to work for the Chinese tourists, another hierarchy (usually based on economic status) is always there.
I read 'My Family's Slave' before starting this book and it was such a heart-wrenching story that I cried several times while reading it and even had to pause before continuing.
The author grew up in America in the 70s and 80s as his parents moved as skilled workers to chase the American dream. He discussed the colonial history (Lapu Lapu), interracial marriage (white male and Asian female being the most common pair), underrepresentation on screen, dating undesirable, height, ignorance of eastern prosperity and civilization in education (Zheng He) and other aspects, which I feel had a huge negative impact on his self-worth, confidence and masculinity. It is a bit over in some paragraphs but I do not blame the author. It is definitely difficult to build them up when the society keeps reminding you that you are the minority (in his word 'invisible').
At the end of the book, the author told the same story (traveling to the Philippines and seeing white male and Filipina as temp travel partners) but with different perspective and also provided another side of the story from the colonizers' view. He also viewed his identity as Asian American with more contemporary lenses.
Hierarchy and discrimination exist in every society and it is more prevalent in Asia than countries with immigrants of various ethnic backgrounds. Chinese, Korean, Filipino and etc all belong to the same 'Asian' checkbox when you fill in out a form in US so the author celebrated the success of anyone coming from that box. But when you zoom in the subdivided groups in Asia, as the author mentioned during his trip back to the Philippines where the locals had to work for the Chinese tourists, another hierarchy (usually based on economic status) is always there.
January 20, 2021
A well-written memoir about a Filipino/Asian-American man finding himself. More importantly, finding his masculinity (or lack thereof) in the Western gaze. This book is very interesting. Tizon grew up in a time when Asians/Asian-Americans weren't "cool" or as present in the US, and we get to read parts of his life experiences.
But, and I really mean but. This book is incel-core. It is filled with self-loathing, anger, and misogyny (probably, from what I remember). Tizon was an Asian-American menninist, perhaps. A man who had few masculine figures, few women he could turn to for support, and left in the wake of being not seen as a man. When you read this book, I ask that you that read it from an arms' length - with some certainty in your values and your decency for others. This book could easily be warped into a manifesto that leaves you bitter.
I would rate this 2.5/5 if I could. I'm not sure about more or less. We learn who Tizon was, and what he saw in others and of the world. I think the release of his Atlantic article (now included in copies of the book) shows that he was changing and needed to make amends to his book, but it doesn't absolve Tizon of his reflection on his and his familiy's life story.
But, and I really mean but. This book is incel-core. It is filled with self-loathing, anger, and misogyny (probably, from what I remember). Tizon was an Asian-American menninist, perhaps. A man who had few masculine figures, few women he could turn to for support, and left in the wake of being not seen as a man. When you read this book, I ask that you that read it from an arms' length - with some certainty in your values and your decency for others. This book could easily be warped into a manifesto that leaves you bitter.
I would rate this 2.5/5 if I could. I'm not sure about more or less. We learn who Tizon was, and what he saw in others and of the world. I think the release of his Atlantic article (now included in copies of the book) shows that he was changing and needed to make amends to his book, but it doesn't absolve Tizon of his reflection on his and his familiy's life story.
March 20, 2021
What can I say about the late, great Alex Tizon? This Pulitzer-prize winning Filipino-American was a journalistic gem. I know some people have different opinions of him after his Atlantic article “My Family’s Slave”, but I personally feel that his writing contributed honestly and positively, and he uplifted the next generation of Asian Americans.
In Big Little Man: In Search of my Asian Self, Tizon painted a picture of a childhood that felt so familiar, it could have been about my own childhood. Each chapter focused on the multitude of stereotypes, myths, and years of colonial oppression that impact and ultimately shape Asian American men. Tizon communicates his personal doubts, anxieties and challenges that he battles, the yearning for a sense of belonging and worthiness, and translates them into vignettes while sharing his thorough research and opinions on Asian history and media.
I had to keep telling myself: This is one man’s point of view, and is not representative of everyone. But overall, I think Tizon did an eloquent job speaking up about challenges and reaching out to uplift men in the Asian American community.
In Big Little Man: In Search of my Asian Self, Tizon painted a picture of a childhood that felt so familiar, it could have been about my own childhood. Each chapter focused on the multitude of stereotypes, myths, and years of colonial oppression that impact and ultimately shape Asian American men. Tizon communicates his personal doubts, anxieties and challenges that he battles, the yearning for a sense of belonging and worthiness, and translates them into vignettes while sharing his thorough research and opinions on Asian history and media.
I had to keep telling myself: This is one man’s point of view, and is not representative of everyone. But overall, I think Tizon did an eloquent job speaking up about challenges and reaching out to uplift men in the Asian American community.
February 9, 2021
First I need to echo everyone's anger about the "Asian women have it easier than Asian men" nonsense. I don't get it... you have an entire, well-written, well-researched chapter about the struggles of Asian women, and the next one (about Asian men) starts with "but hey it's still not as difficult for them as for us, men". As if different flavors of racism couldn't be equally bad. It was seriously infuriating, especially as this idea is peppered all over the book.
Apart from that, I really enjoyed Big Little Man, it's both educative and engaging. I've learnt a lot about Asian immigration in the US, a lot about Asian History (how on earth don't we get taught about Zheng He) and even more about the Filipino culture. Tizon's personal story also interested me and I really enjoyed seeing how he had found a way to feel better as an Asian man in the US over the years, even though it didn't become paradisiac all at once and people are still racist, albeit differently.
I'm taking a star off for the "men have it worse" tripe but it should be a 4-star read otherwise.
Apart from that, I really enjoyed Big Little Man, it's both educative and engaging. I've learnt a lot about Asian immigration in the US, a lot about Asian History (how on earth don't we get taught about Zheng He) and even more about the Filipino culture. Tizon's personal story also interested me and I really enjoyed seeing how he had found a way to feel better as an Asian man in the US over the years, even though it didn't become paradisiac all at once and people are still racist, albeit differently.
I'm taking a star off for the "men have it worse" tripe but it should be a 4-star read otherwise.
May 22, 2014
I really enjoyed Alex Tizon's memoirs of growing up and perspectives of being "Asian". I could relate to much of what was conveyed, being that I come from what is considered one of "the other" of many cultures that comprise "The American" experience. Funny, witty, thought provoking and sometimes sad, "Big Little Man" is a book to be enjoyed by anybody and everybody whom has had to deal with being treated as an outsider, treated as the "other" or impacted by common cultural assumptions. Well worth my time and besides being intrigued to peruse his past writings, I look forward to any other efforts that Mr. Tizon decides to share with readers in the future.
September 5, 2014
I picked this up at the library not knowing anything about it, and I thought it would be a bit of a whine from an Asian man (I've read a few of them, and acknowledge their reality.) However, I was pleasantly surprised to find a well written, thoughtful, and very well researched memoir that is more of an anthropology than a memoir. I really enjoyed this book, and though I wasn't always in agreement with him, I do think it is an important work that should be widely read. I also appreciated the Filipino point of view that the author provided since that's a perspective that we don't often get to read about compared to CJK.
July 7, 2019
Beautifully written and well-researched documentation of the transition of the Asian identity (in a white-dominant world). Found myself being able to relate to many of the anecdotes as a first-gen immigrant myself, albeit within Asia - the narratives of stereotyping when there’s an “us versus them” still resonate to date. Also found myself questioning the various roles and identities we are bestowed within the society: a woman, an Asian, an immigrant, the minority, the working class, etc.. throughout the book.
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