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Chaos in Color: A Memoir of Childhood Trauma and Forgiveness
Amazon Bestseller
From a young age, Layla Salek has experienced some people as colors—her mother brown, her father green, her husband rainbow. As she notes, sometimes, when words fail, colors speak.
Chaos in Color is the captivating story of Layla’s journey from childhood to adulthood with a mother who suffered from untreated bipolar disorder. Each chapter paints a vivid, heartbreaking picture of the abuse, neglect, and trauma that she experienced as she grew up at the mercy of her mother’s bipolar swings, an incompetent mental health system, and the strangers with whom she was often left. But dissipating those times of darkness were moments of love, joy, and happiness that she felt while being cared for by others in her life. These moments inspired her to start her own family, complete a doctorate in psychology, and work with children with mental illness and severe behavior disorders.
Layla’s story traces how personal and familial trauma is carried into adulthood and how it can be released through forgiveness. This honest, provocative memoir offers a relatable account for others who have experienced similar trauma, as well as hope for healing and a future full of light.
From a young age, Layla Salek has experienced some people as colors—her mother brown, her father green, her husband rainbow. As she notes, sometimes, when words fail, colors speak.
Chaos in Color is the captivating story of Layla’s journey from childhood to adulthood with a mother who suffered from untreated bipolar disorder. Each chapter paints a vivid, heartbreaking picture of the abuse, neglect, and trauma that she experienced as she grew up at the mercy of her mother’s bipolar swings, an incompetent mental health system, and the strangers with whom she was often left. But dissipating those times of darkness were moments of love, joy, and happiness that she felt while being cared for by others in her life. These moments inspired her to start her own family, complete a doctorate in psychology, and work with children with mental illness and severe behavior disorders.
Layla’s story traces how personal and familial trauma is carried into adulthood and how it can be released through forgiveness. This honest, provocative memoir offers a relatable account for others who have experienced similar trauma, as well as hope for healing and a future full of light.
- GenresNonfictionMemoir
309 pages, Kindle Edition
Published September 19, 2023
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December 30, 2023
Chaos in Color: A Memoir of Childhood Trauma and Forgiveness by R. Layla Salek PhD was the author’s opportunity to share her journey through childhood with an untreated bipolar mother and a father who eventually abandoned her. Layla possessed the rare ability as a young child to see people as different colors. Her mother was always brown in Layla’s eyes. In Layla’s defense, she had no say in who her parents would be or what kind of life her parents would provide for her. Chaos in Color was Layla’s harrowing journey through a life that included more trauma than any child should ever have in one lifetime. Layla experienced abandonment, neglect and both physical and emotional abuse. Her unconventional life led Layla on a path of discovery, dependency and a search for answers and normalcy. Her life was plagued with anger, sadness, awareness and ultimately yielded to acceptance and forgiveness. Layla learned the hard way that distance was required for her to live and grow. Chaos in Color portrayed the pain and confusion Layla experienced throughout her childhood.
During the 1970’s and 1980’s resources for Indigenous people were limited, especially options for diagnosing bipolar disorders and the proper treatment for it. In all the years that Layla’s mother suffered with bipolar disorder, no one offered any assistance or advice. No one came to their rescue as they both struggled with the havoc it caused. The clinics that were accessible to Layla and her mother prescribed Valium. That was the only drug made available and only compounded the problem by inducing sleep. It frustrated Layla as she grew older that Valium was the only drug that was prescribed to her mother.
Fortunately for Layla, there were people in her life who influenced her in a positive way. Some of those people were people her mother left her with and others were people Layla herself chose to spend time with. Perhaps one of the most influential people in Layla’s life were her father’s parents. She spent many summer vacations with them and cherished the time she spent with them. Partly due to those positive influences on her life, Layla not only attended and graduated from college but went on and earned a PhD in psychology. She chose to pursue a career working with children with mental illness and severe behavioral issues. Layla married and had a family of her own. The process of working through her own trauma continued to be ongoing throughout her adult life and was not always easy.
All of my emotions were spent by the time I finished Chaos in Color. At times I cried but I also found parts where I found myself laughing. I listened to the audiobook that was well narrated by Ferdelle Capistrano. Mental illness is something that must be taken seriously. It affects so many people. Attention must be given to not only those experiencing it but also to their caregivers and innocent children that might need protection from it. If someone had intervened when Layla was a young child, who knows how different her life might have been. Despite all the challenges Layla faced, she persevered and was able to make her life better for herself and her family. Understanding eventually led Layla to forgiveness. I really appreciate that Layla Salek shared her story. It was hard to listen to in parts but overall it was very informative, inspiring and insightful. I highly recommend this memoir.
Thank you to Green Leaf Audiobooks for allowing me to listen to the audiobook of Chaos in Color: A Memoir of Childhood Trauma and Forgiveness by R. Layla Salek, PhD through Netgalley in exchange for an honest review.
During the 1970’s and 1980’s resources for Indigenous people were limited, especially options for diagnosing bipolar disorders and the proper treatment for it. In all the years that Layla’s mother suffered with bipolar disorder, no one offered any assistance or advice. No one came to their rescue as they both struggled with the havoc it caused. The clinics that were accessible to Layla and her mother prescribed Valium. That was the only drug made available and only compounded the problem by inducing sleep. It frustrated Layla as she grew older that Valium was the only drug that was prescribed to her mother.
Fortunately for Layla, there were people in her life who influenced her in a positive way. Some of those people were people her mother left her with and others were people Layla herself chose to spend time with. Perhaps one of the most influential people in Layla’s life were her father’s parents. She spent many summer vacations with them and cherished the time she spent with them. Partly due to those positive influences on her life, Layla not only attended and graduated from college but went on and earned a PhD in psychology. She chose to pursue a career working with children with mental illness and severe behavioral issues. Layla married and had a family of her own. The process of working through her own trauma continued to be ongoing throughout her adult life and was not always easy.
All of my emotions were spent by the time I finished Chaos in Color. At times I cried but I also found parts where I found myself laughing. I listened to the audiobook that was well narrated by Ferdelle Capistrano. Mental illness is something that must be taken seriously. It affects so many people. Attention must be given to not only those experiencing it but also to their caregivers and innocent children that might need protection from it. If someone had intervened when Layla was a young child, who knows how different her life might have been. Despite all the challenges Layla faced, she persevered and was able to make her life better for herself and her family. Understanding eventually led Layla to forgiveness. I really appreciate that Layla Salek shared her story. It was hard to listen to in parts but overall it was very informative, inspiring and insightful. I highly recommend this memoir.
Thank you to Green Leaf Audiobooks for allowing me to listen to the audiobook of Chaos in Color: A Memoir of Childhood Trauma and Forgiveness by R. Layla Salek, PhD through Netgalley in exchange for an honest review.
October 5, 2023
When words fail, colors speak
Since Salek was a child, she possessed an odd ability to see people in colors based on her experience and memories with them as well as the persons’ aura. She describes seeing her father as green and her mother as brown. Some people have colors and others don’t. She explains that she’s not really sure why but it has always been this way.
Chaos in Color is a collection of stories from Salek’s life between 1972 and 2019. Her stories include deep rooted trauma from experiencing abuse, neglect and growing up with a mentally ill parent.
The writing was very simple and uncomplicated with a lot of short, clipped sentences. Despite the content, this made it easy to read but, ultimately, ended up distracting from the storytelling itself and made it difficult for me to ever become fully invested in Salek’s story. However, it is still a beautiful story of love, understanding, and forgiveness. It shows readers the affects of childhood trauma and how, when unaddressed, it can taint adulthood. While it is a rather dark story, Salek finds moments to sneak in bits of light among the chaos.
Thank you to NetGalley for my digital arc. Out now!
Since Salek was a child, she possessed an odd ability to see people in colors based on her experience and memories with them as well as the persons’ aura. She describes seeing her father as green and her mother as brown. Some people have colors and others don’t. She explains that she’s not really sure why but it has always been this way.
Chaos in Color is a collection of stories from Salek’s life between 1972 and 2019. Her stories include deep rooted trauma from experiencing abuse, neglect and growing up with a mentally ill parent.
The writing was very simple and uncomplicated with a lot of short, clipped sentences. Despite the content, this made it easy to read but, ultimately, ended up distracting from the storytelling itself and made it difficult for me to ever become fully invested in Salek’s story. However, it is still a beautiful story of love, understanding, and forgiveness. It shows readers the affects of childhood trauma and how, when unaddressed, it can taint adulthood. While it is a rather dark story, Salek finds moments to sneak in bits of light among the chaos.
Thank you to NetGalley for my digital arc. Out now!
December 26, 2023
A telling of a woman’s 70s/80s childhood (and beyond) trauma. So many intense and dark experiences. And, although scarce, there were also lifesaving, happy, and hope-filled experiences. With inner strength and others’ unconditional love, she persevered.
Trigger warnings.
As with 99% of the memoirs I read, I listened to the audiobook. The author did not narrate which I was afraid would make it not as good as it could be; however, the narrator did an exceptional job and also kept the pace nicely.
What kept my attention was the author’s combination of rawness and grace with which she explained her memories. Her situations resulted in, at least, tears, anger, confusion, fear, begging, praying, loneliness, mental anguish, physical pain, depression, anxiousness, major fatigue, or a combination. Yet she had a constant desire to not necessarily judge but to understand the whys. She also had a deep desire to help not only herself but others.
Her struggles do not completely go away in adulthood, which is all too true for many. But her story truly provides hope and proof of resilience.
Thank you to NetGalley for the audiobook.
Trigger warnings.
As with 99% of the memoirs I read, I listened to the audiobook. The author did not narrate which I was afraid would make it not as good as it could be; however, the narrator did an exceptional job and also kept the pace nicely.
What kept my attention was the author’s combination of rawness and grace with which she explained her memories. Her situations resulted in, at least, tears, anger, confusion, fear, begging, praying, loneliness, mental anguish, physical pain, depression, anxiousness, major fatigue, or a combination. Yet she had a constant desire to not necessarily judge but to understand the whys. She also had a deep desire to help not only herself but others.
Her struggles do not completely go away in adulthood, which is all too true for many. But her story truly provides hope and proof of resilience.
Thank you to NetGalley for the audiobook.
September 12, 2023
It's very hard to be critical of a book that is so very personal to the author. I struggled with this as her story seemed to only scratch the surface. Obviously she went through something no child should ever have to suffer through, but I just couldn't connect to everything that was happening. It is all too confusing. Also for someone who ended up achieving her PhD in the field of Psychology, if she went for therapy she never explains it. I don't discount anything that the author went through and what she has accomplished with her life but I'm just not sure this book is anything more than just a journal of her life. Thanks to Netgalley, the author and publishers for an advanced copy in exchange for my honest opinion.
September 22, 2023
I was lucky enough to receive an advanced copy from the publisher for an honest review. Wow, "Chaos in Color" is a “must read” and one that you will not forget.
Dr. Layla Salek shines a light on the darkness of mental illness with compassion and humor.
In her raw and vulnerable memoir, she paints detailed pictures of her experiences and inner most thoughts, as a child enduring incredible hardships. She writes about her life in a way that completely avoids self-pity and instead finds beauty ,love and laughter amongst the dysfunction of her life. I laughed, I cried and I rejoiced at this incredible success story.
Dr. Layla Salek shines a light on the darkness of mental illness with compassion and humor.
In her raw and vulnerable memoir, she paints detailed pictures of her experiences and inner most thoughts, as a child enduring incredible hardships. She writes about her life in a way that completely avoids self-pity and instead finds beauty ,love and laughter amongst the dysfunction of her life. I laughed, I cried and I rejoiced at this incredible success story.
October 3, 2023
"Chaos in Color" by Dr. R. Layla Salek is an incredibly moving and deeply touching memoir. With poetic prose and profound introspection, Salek takes us on a journey through the complexities of her life, where emotions are painted in colors, and forgiveness becomes the beacon of light guiding her path to healing.
From the very beginning, Salek's unique perspective, where people are seen as colors, captivated my imagination. This rare gift of synesthesia adds depth to her storytelling, allowing me to experience her world through a sensory lens. When words fail, as she eloquently puts it, colors speak, and they speak volumes throughout this memoir.
The heart of "Chaos in Color" lies in its honest account of growing up with a mother suffering from untreated bipolar disorder. Each chapter is a poignant portrait of the rollercoaster of emotions, the abuse, neglect, and the trauma Layla endured. The raw vulnerability with which she shares these experiences is heartbreaking and awe-inspiring.
Yet, amidst the darkness, there are moments of love, joy, and resilience. Salek has the ability to find glimmers of light in the midst of chaos. These moments of hope serve as a lifeline, inspiring her to build a family of her own, earn a doctorate in psychology, and dedicate her life to helping children facing mental illness and severe behavioral challenges.
The memoir beautifully traces the complex thread of how personal and familial trauma can seep into adulthood. Salek's journey is a powerful illustration of the lasting impact of childhood experiences on one's life. But more importantly, the transformative power of forgiveness.
As we accompany Layla on her path to forgiveness, we witness the profound healing that can take place when we release the burdens of the past. Her story is a beacon of hope for anyone who has experienced trauma, offering a roadmap to healing and a future illuminated by the warm glow of self-acceptance and love.
In a world often overshadowed by pain and darkness, "Chaos in Color" is a brilliant burst of color and light. It reminds us that even in the face of the most profound challenges, the human heart has the capacity to heal, to forgive, and to shine brightly once more.
"A profoundly moving journey from darkness to light. 'Chaos in Color' reminds us that healing and forgiveness are the true colors of resilience."
"Layla Salek's synesthetic storytelling paints a vivid picture of survival, love, and the power of forgiveness. An unforgettable memoir."
"In 'Chaos in Color,' Salek's brave and raw storytelling speaks to the heart. A beacon of hope for those on a journey of healing."
"A memoir that transcends words, as Layla Salek's colors tell a story of strength, survival, and the ultimate triumph of forgiveness."
"With every stroke of her pen, Layla Salek invites us into a world where trauma becomes a canvas for healing and forgiveness. A must-read."
"Layla Salek's 'Chaos in Color' is a memoir that will touch your heart and inspire your soul."
"A remarkable memoir that paints trauma and forgiveness in the most vibrant hues. Layla Salek's story is a masterpiece of resilience."
"A journey of healing and hope beautifully expressed. 'Chaos in Color' is a memoir that will stay with you long after the final page."
"With the strokes of a synesthetic artist, Layla Salek crafts a memoir that is both raw and poetic. 'Chaos in Color' is a triumph of the human spirit."
"In 'Chaos in Color,' Layla Salek's colors whisper stories of survival, forgiveness, and the beauty of resilience. A memoir that shines bright."
From the very beginning, Salek's unique perspective, where people are seen as colors, captivated my imagination. This rare gift of synesthesia adds depth to her storytelling, allowing me to experience her world through a sensory lens. When words fail, as she eloquently puts it, colors speak, and they speak volumes throughout this memoir.
The heart of "Chaos in Color" lies in its honest account of growing up with a mother suffering from untreated bipolar disorder. Each chapter is a poignant portrait of the rollercoaster of emotions, the abuse, neglect, and the trauma Layla endured. The raw vulnerability with which she shares these experiences is heartbreaking and awe-inspiring.
Yet, amidst the darkness, there are moments of love, joy, and resilience. Salek has the ability to find glimmers of light in the midst of chaos. These moments of hope serve as a lifeline, inspiring her to build a family of her own, earn a doctorate in psychology, and dedicate her life to helping children facing mental illness and severe behavioral challenges.
The memoir beautifully traces the complex thread of how personal and familial trauma can seep into adulthood. Salek's journey is a powerful illustration of the lasting impact of childhood experiences on one's life. But more importantly, the transformative power of forgiveness.
As we accompany Layla on her path to forgiveness, we witness the profound healing that can take place when we release the burdens of the past. Her story is a beacon of hope for anyone who has experienced trauma, offering a roadmap to healing and a future illuminated by the warm glow of self-acceptance and love.
In a world often overshadowed by pain and darkness, "Chaos in Color" is a brilliant burst of color and light. It reminds us that even in the face of the most profound challenges, the human heart has the capacity to heal, to forgive, and to shine brightly once more.
"A profoundly moving journey from darkness to light. 'Chaos in Color' reminds us that healing and forgiveness are the true colors of resilience."
"Layla Salek's synesthetic storytelling paints a vivid picture of survival, love, and the power of forgiveness. An unforgettable memoir."
"In 'Chaos in Color,' Salek's brave and raw storytelling speaks to the heart. A beacon of hope for those on a journey of healing."
"A memoir that transcends words, as Layla Salek's colors tell a story of strength, survival, and the ultimate triumph of forgiveness."
"With every stroke of her pen, Layla Salek invites us into a world where trauma becomes a canvas for healing and forgiveness. A must-read."
"Layla Salek's 'Chaos in Color' is a memoir that will touch your heart and inspire your soul."
"A remarkable memoir that paints trauma and forgiveness in the most vibrant hues. Layla Salek's story is a masterpiece of resilience."
"A journey of healing and hope beautifully expressed. 'Chaos in Color' is a memoir that will stay with you long after the final page."
"With the strokes of a synesthetic artist, Layla Salek crafts a memoir that is both raw and poetic. 'Chaos in Color' is a triumph of the human spirit."
"In 'Chaos in Color,' Layla Salek's colors whisper stories of survival, forgiveness, and the beauty of resilience. A memoir that shines bright."
January 7, 2024
‘Chaos in Color: A Memoir of Childhood Trauma and Forgiveness’ written by R. Layla Salek PhD and narrated by Ferdelle Capistrano. This is a moving memoir of Layla, who shines light on mental illness and her journey through the complexities of growing up with a mother who suffered from bipolar disorder. As the title indicates, Layla suffered through chaos in colors as she associated some people with colors- her mother, brown; her father, green, her husband, a rainbow, her daughter, yellow. She does indicate that she doesn’t always associate a person with a color and she isn’t aware of any reason why some people have a color and others do not.
Layla suffered abuse, neglect and trauma at the hands of her mother that she carried with her through her entire life. Layla takes us on a journey of her childhood through adulthood that is raw and very personal. Throughout her life, she experiences love and support from various individuals.
I enjoyed the poetic prose at the beginning of many chapters and especially loved the following – the entirety of Chapter 18.
Orphan of 4 families. An only child with 5 siblings. A motherless child with 3 mothers. One person but several aliases. Homeless with multiple homes. An academic failure with a PhD. A trauma victim healing others trauma. Alone with many friends. An insecure child with boundless confidence. … Suicidal while loving life. White trash and high society. Affluent but still feels poor. Voiceless with a respective voice. A motherless daughter mothering a daughter. A teen with bad behavior teaching behavior to teens. A psychologist who distrusts psychiatrists. An expert who feels like an amateur. A person who creates order from chaos. Serious with a wicked sense of humor. Scared but fearless. A childlike adult. Anxious but laidback. A person with an active mind and a lazy body. A person who lusts for consistency but has a taste for chaos. Repelled by mental illness but attracted to pain. A problem becoming a solution. A victim of trauma but never a victim. Born out of darkness into a rainbow. A daughter who abandoned her mother but craves a mothers love.
(Please excuse any errors in quoting the Chapter as I typed from the audio.)
I feel this summarizes a great portion of the raw footage that Layla shares with her reader about her life.
This is a wonderful memoir and I commend the author for being so transparent and raw in sharing her experiences. Despite her traumatic childhood, she has achieved great accomplishments. As a behaviorist, she has dedicated her professional career to helping children with mental illness and autism. (She founded Susie Bean Gives in an effort to help families that can’t afford services that their children need in order to live healthier, happier lives.)
Thank you, Layla, for sharing your life with so many. I can only imagine how many people you will help by sharing the raw footage of your life. Thank you again for sharing and for dedicating your life to assisting with mental illnesses.
Thank you #NetGalley and #Greenleaf Audiobooks for the opportunity to listen to this early audio version in exchange for a review. All opinions and thoughts are those of my own. #ChaosinColor #NetGalley #LaylaSalek
Layla suffered abuse, neglect and trauma at the hands of her mother that she carried with her through her entire life. Layla takes us on a journey of her childhood through adulthood that is raw and very personal. Throughout her life, she experiences love and support from various individuals.
I enjoyed the poetic prose at the beginning of many chapters and especially loved the following – the entirety of Chapter 18.
Orphan of 4 families. An only child with 5 siblings. A motherless child with 3 mothers. One person but several aliases. Homeless with multiple homes. An academic failure with a PhD. A trauma victim healing others trauma. Alone with many friends. An insecure child with boundless confidence. … Suicidal while loving life. White trash and high society. Affluent but still feels poor. Voiceless with a respective voice. A motherless daughter mothering a daughter. A teen with bad behavior teaching behavior to teens. A psychologist who distrusts psychiatrists. An expert who feels like an amateur. A person who creates order from chaos. Serious with a wicked sense of humor. Scared but fearless. A childlike adult. Anxious but laidback. A person with an active mind and a lazy body. A person who lusts for consistency but has a taste for chaos. Repelled by mental illness but attracted to pain. A problem becoming a solution. A victim of trauma but never a victim. Born out of darkness into a rainbow. A daughter who abandoned her mother but craves a mothers love.
(Please excuse any errors in quoting the Chapter as I typed from the audio.)
I feel this summarizes a great portion of the raw footage that Layla shares with her reader about her life.
This is a wonderful memoir and I commend the author for being so transparent and raw in sharing her experiences. Despite her traumatic childhood, she has achieved great accomplishments. As a behaviorist, she has dedicated her professional career to helping children with mental illness and autism. (She founded Susie Bean Gives in an effort to help families that can’t afford services that their children need in order to live healthier, happier lives.)
Thank you, Layla, for sharing your life with so many. I can only imagine how many people you will help by sharing the raw footage of your life. Thank you again for sharing and for dedicating your life to assisting with mental illnesses.
Thank you #NetGalley and #Greenleaf Audiobooks for the opportunity to listen to this early audio version in exchange for a review. All opinions and thoughts are those of my own. #ChaosinColor #NetGalley #LaylaSalek
February 9, 2024
I received this book from Netgalley in exchange for an honest review. The book chronicles Salek's journey from childhood to adulthood, growing up with a mother who suffered from untreated bipolar disorder. Through vivid and emotional prose, Salek paints a picture of the abuse, neglect, and trauma she endured, but also her resilience and, ultimately, her path toward forgiveness.
I really liked this book. It was honest and raw, and it did not sugarcoat anything. The author was unapologetic in telling her trauma story, which is really brave. I could not help thinking of my young daughter as I read this book. I cannot imagine EVER treating my daughter like Salek's mother treated Salek. It just plain broke my heart.
The one aspect of the story that I was not so enamored with was the relationship to the colors. Salek possesses the unique ability to see people in colors, each representing their aura and experiences. However, I found that this ability was not fleshed out well in the book. Salek refers to each person by their color on multiple occasions, but she doesn't really explain what each color means to the reader. For example, her mother was either "brown" or "black." While intuitively, I can assume that "black" is negative, I have no idea what a brown aura means. A friend of hers is "purple." You can pull from the story that purple is good, but the exact meaning is never explained. This is true of all the main players in the book given colors.
Chaos in Color is not an easy read. As I mentioned above, it dives headfirst into the harrowing reality of childhood trauma, weaving a narrative that confronts abuse, neglect, and resilience with unflinching honesty. This is a crucial strength - the book doesn't shy away from uncomfortable truths, making it a powerful testament to the author's journey.
However, this raw portrayal comes with triggers. Descriptions of emotional and physical abuse may stir difficult emotions, and the overall weight of the story can be emotionally draining. Despite the heavy subject matter, the book portrays hope and the human spirit's ability to persevere. Salek's courage in sharing her story and ultimately finding forgiveness is truly inspiring. I would definitely recommend it for readers who can handle the emotional toll.
I really liked this book. It was honest and raw, and it did not sugarcoat anything. The author was unapologetic in telling her trauma story, which is really brave. I could not help thinking of my young daughter as I read this book. I cannot imagine EVER treating my daughter like Salek's mother treated Salek. It just plain broke my heart.
The one aspect of the story that I was not so enamored with was the relationship to the colors. Salek possesses the unique ability to see people in colors, each representing their aura and experiences. However, I found that this ability was not fleshed out well in the book. Salek refers to each person by their color on multiple occasions, but she doesn't really explain what each color means to the reader. For example, her mother was either "brown" or "black." While intuitively, I can assume that "black" is negative, I have no idea what a brown aura means. A friend of hers is "purple." You can pull from the story that purple is good, but the exact meaning is never explained. This is true of all the main players in the book given colors.
Chaos in Color is not an easy read. As I mentioned above, it dives headfirst into the harrowing reality of childhood trauma, weaving a narrative that confronts abuse, neglect, and resilience with unflinching honesty. This is a crucial strength - the book doesn't shy away from uncomfortable truths, making it a powerful testament to the author's journey.
However, this raw portrayal comes with triggers. Descriptions of emotional and physical abuse may stir difficult emotions, and the overall weight of the story can be emotionally draining. Despite the heavy subject matter, the book portrays hope and the human spirit's ability to persevere. Salek's courage in sharing her story and ultimately finding forgiveness is truly inspiring. I would definitely recommend it for readers who can handle the emotional toll.
January 9, 2024
Dr. R. Layla Salek's 'Chaos in Color' is an emotional masterpiece that unravels the complexities of a life marked by childhood trauma and the pursuit of forgiveness. Salek's storytelling is not just a memoir; it's a visual and emotional journey painted with the unique colors of her experiences.
The author's ability to see people in colors adds a captivating dimension, making the narrative both poignant and visually engaging. The book authentically captures the challenges of growing up with a mentally ill parent, offering a raw and unfiltered account of the author's journey from 1972 to 2019.
What sets 'Chaos in Color' apart is the delicate balance between preserving the authenticity of distorted memories and the evolving understanding of the past. Salek's narrative is a testament to resilience, self-discovery, and the pursuit of present joy, beautifully encapsulated in her exploration of the 'nowness' of the moment.
The inclusion of an insightful epilogue adds a layer of transparency, acknowledging changes in understanding without compromising the integrity of the original stories. This memoir is not just for those who have experienced similar challenges but for anyone seeking compassion, awareness, and a pathway to peace amid life's chaos.
'Chaos in Color' is a must-read that transcends the genre, leaving readers with a profound appreciation for the resilience of the human spirit. Dr. Salek's narrative is a gift—an intimate and powerful journey that lingers in the heart and mind long after the last page is turned.
The author's ability to see people in colors adds a captivating dimension, making the narrative both poignant and visually engaging. The book authentically captures the challenges of growing up with a mentally ill parent, offering a raw and unfiltered account of the author's journey from 1972 to 2019.
What sets 'Chaos in Color' apart is the delicate balance between preserving the authenticity of distorted memories and the evolving understanding of the past. Salek's narrative is a testament to resilience, self-discovery, and the pursuit of present joy, beautifully encapsulated in her exploration of the 'nowness' of the moment.
The inclusion of an insightful epilogue adds a layer of transparency, acknowledging changes in understanding without compromising the integrity of the original stories. This memoir is not just for those who have experienced similar challenges but for anyone seeking compassion, awareness, and a pathway to peace amid life's chaos.
'Chaos in Color' is a must-read that transcends the genre, leaving readers with a profound appreciation for the resilience of the human spirit. Dr. Salek's narrative is a gift—an intimate and powerful journey that lingers in the heart and mind long after the last page is turned.
February 19, 2024
"Chaos in Color" is a touching story by Dr. R. Layla Salek about her life. She talks about growing up with a mom who had a mental illness called bipolar disorder. The book shows how this affected her and how she found hope and love even in tough times. Salek's writing is poetic and makes you feel like you're seeing the world through her eyes. She shares her journey from darkness to light, showing how forgiveness helped her heal.
What makes this memoir truly exceptional is Salek's ability to weave together her experiences with the unique perspective of seeing people in colors—a metaphor that adds richness and depth to the narrative. From the heartbreak of abuse and neglect to moments of love and joy, Salek's story is a testament to resilience and the human spirit's capacity for healing.
Her journey from childhood to adulthood is filled with moments of pain and triumph, offering readers a glimpse into the transformative power of resilience and self-discovery.
This memoir is not just a personal narrative; it's a universal story of hope, compassion, and the healing journey. Dr. Salek's courage in sharing her story serves as a beacon of light for anyone grappling with their own trauma, offering solace, understanding, and a pathway to peace amidst life's chaos.
It's a powerful reminder that even when life feels hard, there's always a way to find peace and happiness.
What makes this memoir truly exceptional is Salek's ability to weave together her experiences with the unique perspective of seeing people in colors—a metaphor that adds richness and depth to the narrative. From the heartbreak of abuse and neglect to moments of love and joy, Salek's story is a testament to resilience and the human spirit's capacity for healing.
Her journey from childhood to adulthood is filled with moments of pain and triumph, offering readers a glimpse into the transformative power of resilience and self-discovery.
This memoir is not just a personal narrative; it's a universal story of hope, compassion, and the healing journey. Dr. Salek's courage in sharing her story serves as a beacon of light for anyone grappling with their own trauma, offering solace, understanding, and a pathway to peace amidst life's chaos.
It's a powerful reminder that even when life feels hard, there's always a way to find peace and happiness.
April 6, 2024
This book is a powerful memoir that takes you on an emotional rollercoaster ride through the author's life. From the very beginning, you're drawn into Layla's world where people are seen as colors, adding a unique and captivating perspective to her storytelling. 🎨
Growing up with a mother suffering from untreated bipolar disorder, Layla's journey is one of heartbreak, resilience, and ultimately, forgiveness. Each chapter paints a vivid picture of the abuse, neglect, and trauma she endured, but amidst the darkness, there are also moments of love, joy, and resilience that shine through.
The memoir beautifully illustrates the lasting impact of childhood trauma on one's life, but it also serves as a beacon of hope for healing and transformation. Through Layla's story, we witness the power of forgiveness and the strength of the human spirit to overcome even the most profound challenges. 🌟
Layla's narrative is not just a personal journey but a universal story of resilience and the pursuit of happiness in the face of adversity. Her courage in sharing her story is both inspiring and deeply moving. 📖💕
Overall, "Chaos in Color" is a must-read for anyone seeking compassion, understanding, and a pathway to healing amidst life's chaos. It's a story that will stay with you long after you've turned the final page. Highly recommended! 👏📘
Growing up with a mother suffering from untreated bipolar disorder, Layla's journey is one of heartbreak, resilience, and ultimately, forgiveness. Each chapter paints a vivid picture of the abuse, neglect, and trauma she endured, but amidst the darkness, there are also moments of love, joy, and resilience that shine through.
The memoir beautifully illustrates the lasting impact of childhood trauma on one's life, but it also serves as a beacon of hope for healing and transformation. Through Layla's story, we witness the power of forgiveness and the strength of the human spirit to overcome even the most profound challenges. 🌟
Layla's narrative is not just a personal journey but a universal story of resilience and the pursuit of happiness in the face of adversity. Her courage in sharing her story is both inspiring and deeply moving. 📖💕
Overall, "Chaos in Color" is a must-read for anyone seeking compassion, understanding, and a pathway to healing amidst life's chaos. It's a story that will stay with you long after you've turned the final page. Highly recommended! 👏📘
December 29, 2023
This audiobook was a long slog for me. I didn’t really like the narrator and the voices that she did, so that is part of the low rating, but the rest is due to the content of the book itself. I want to start with, I really empathize with the author and the generational trauma and abuse and neglect that she endured. I totally understand why she would feel ambivalent toward her mother and other family members. I also get why she would have a strong reaction to her husband being diagnosed with bipolar disorder. However, I found the style of writing to be a bit overwrought, the pacing to be quite slow and muddled, the stream of consciousness thing to be chaotic and at times really immature, and worst of all, I felt like the author espoused some really strongly negative attitudes toward mental illness that could promote stigma. As a psychologist, I do feel she should know better than to print something like “I hate mental illness.” No duh, lady, no one with mental illness is thrilled about it either, but it is a reality for so many, and feels like so much more a part of the person than for example, cancer. Overall I appreciate her being so open about her very tough childhood and young adulthood, but the book is aptly titled - it is very chaotic.
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
February 19, 2024
R Layla Salek is a successful behavioural psychologist, whose story will challenge all notions of mental illness and inspire the reader at the same time. This book will captivate the reader with its story of enduring and overcoming mistreatment.
The author chronicles her journey through adversity, delving into her mother's battle with mental health issues. With a lifetime of abandonment and neglect, her story is one of survival and resilience. This is a tale of how she overcame her insecurities and evolved into a successful woman.
Overcoming childhood trauma is no mean feat, yet she was determined to succeed in life while trying to come to terms with her dysfunctional blood ties.
On the other hand, she also proves that family need not be through blood and a victim’s safe space can be anyone stable.
Lot of lessons to be learnt, especially if the reader is looking to help other abuse survivors. For privileged readers, this book will be a very traumatizing experience but in the end, it will give them hope and comfort.
For the ones who have lived with toxic people and tried to hide their abuse, this book will be gentle yet firm as it guides them toward a better future.
The author chronicles her journey through adversity, delving into her mother's battle with mental health issues. With a lifetime of abandonment and neglect, her story is one of survival and resilience. This is a tale of how she overcame her insecurities and evolved into a successful woman.
Overcoming childhood trauma is no mean feat, yet she was determined to succeed in life while trying to come to terms with her dysfunctional blood ties.
On the other hand, she also proves that family need not be through blood and a victim’s safe space can be anyone stable.
Lot of lessons to be learnt, especially if the reader is looking to help other abuse survivors. For privileged readers, this book will be a very traumatizing experience but in the end, it will give them hope and comfort.
For the ones who have lived with toxic people and tried to hide their abuse, this book will be gentle yet firm as it guides them toward a better future.
July 16, 2024
Thank you, NetGalley for an advanced ARC of this Non-Fiction Biography
This was an emotional read about the author's life growing up with a mother who had a personality disorder and other mental illnesses, her life was one of being lost. Abandoned and being blamed for everything and being a child who has been brought up like this the child will grow up not knowing who they are as well as not believing they deserve love etc.
I always think that people who write about their lives to share with the world are strong because putting themselves out their everything exposed for the world to see and judge is amazing, but I believe a Biography or memoir should never be judged but a look into the different life's we all face in this world and with each life story there is something to learn and take away (some relate, some will never understand but each word leaves a ripple).
I say do not read this if trauma and abuse, caused by mental health and also one self as well as learning to forgive everything and moving forward for a better future.
This was an emotional read about the author's life growing up with a mother who had a personality disorder and other mental illnesses, her life was one of being lost. Abandoned and being blamed for everything and being a child who has been brought up like this the child will grow up not knowing who they are as well as not believing they deserve love etc.
I always think that people who write about their lives to share with the world are strong because putting themselves out their everything exposed for the world to see and judge is amazing, but I believe a Biography or memoir should never be judged but a look into the different life's we all face in this world and with each life story there is something to learn and take away (some relate, some will never understand but each word leaves a ripple).
I say do not read this if trauma and abuse, caused by mental health and also one self as well as learning to forgive everything and moving forward for a better future.
February 19, 2024
This book is an incredible tale of a survivor’s journey from childhood to womanhood. R Layla Salek, a distinguished behavioural psychologist has penned down her first book where she takes us through her journey of abuse and neglect. Her words will stun the reader as they grapple to understand her trauma.
Thinking of each person in her life with an aura of colour, her words provide insight into a person’s mind. With simple language, she describes the struggles that she faced due to her mother’s mental illness. She pens down how she was forced to face her mother’s neglect and aggressive rants. Abandoned by her father, she teaches us how to forgive and why it is so important!
Despite living through such a harrowing life, she writes about her evolution from an insecure being to a free and forgiving spirit.
There are enough triggers and shock factors throughout the book, yet one must read it to discover strength during adverse times.
Thinking of each person in her life with an aura of colour, her words provide insight into a person’s mind. With simple language, she describes the struggles that she faced due to her mother’s mental illness. She pens down how she was forced to face her mother’s neglect and aggressive rants. Abandoned by her father, she teaches us how to forgive and why it is so important!
Despite living through such a harrowing life, she writes about her evolution from an insecure being to a free and forgiving spirit.
There are enough triggers and shock factors throughout the book, yet one must read it to discover strength during adverse times.
January 24, 2024
Chaos in Color vividly captured Layla’s life involving growing up with a parent plagued by mental illness and her own childhood trauma. Layla shares the difficult and painful parts as well as the hopeful and joyful times in their midst. She opens the reader’s eyes to the complexity of wanting connection to parents and also desiring safety and normalcy. It’s a compassionate story without releasing people from the impact and responsibility for their actions. The story also highlights the issues with the healthcare and child protection services systems. It’s an important read for everyone to grow in understanding and compassion for those who struggle with major mental health issues as well as an encouragement to push for change and improvement in our systems in order to promote true help and support for struggling humans.
March 2, 2024
I won this book in a Goodreads Giveaway. Thank you for the opportunity to read this compelling memoir!
This memoir was a page-turner. Though the subject matter was difficult - childhood physical & emotional abuse; poverty; lack of parental supervision during crucial times in the author's upbringing; abandonment; and perhaps above all, her mother's mental illness - the author writes of her life experiences with vivid storytelling and clear thoughts, allowing us to feel as though we were there with her, understanding what she went through and why and how it affected her all her life.
I came away from this book with admiration for the author for escaping and succeeding against difficult odds, and admiration for the different 'families' who loved her and helped her along the way.
Thank you again for this book.
This memoir was a page-turner. Though the subject matter was difficult - childhood physical & emotional abuse; poverty; lack of parental supervision during crucial times in the author's upbringing; abandonment; and perhaps above all, her mother's mental illness - the author writes of her life experiences with vivid storytelling and clear thoughts, allowing us to feel as though we were there with her, understanding what she went through and why and how it affected her all her life.
I came away from this book with admiration for the author for escaping and succeeding against difficult odds, and admiration for the different 'families' who loved her and helped her along the way.
Thank you again for this book.
December 27, 2023
****+I received this as a free audiobook from NetGalley.
Wow! This is a memoir written by the author about her life growing up with a family who suffers mental illness. She suffered a great deal of trauma and chaos.
This book is well written and eye opening. It starts when the author is very young and walks through adulthood. She worked though such a great deal of trauma to get to the other side.
As this was an audiobook I will mention the narrator did a great job in sharing the story. She was easy to listen to.
Wow! This is a memoir written by the author about her life growing up with a family who suffers mental illness. She suffered a great deal of trauma and chaos.
This book is well written and eye opening. It starts when the author is very young and walks through adulthood. She worked though such a great deal of trauma to get to the other side.
As this was an audiobook I will mention the narrator did a great job in sharing the story. She was easy to listen to.
January 22, 2024
This was an interesting memoir but not quite as engaging as I would hope. Maybe the disconnect for me was that the author didn't read it. I find that memoirs that are read by the author have the authenticity to the words and no matter how great a narrator you have there is just something lost.
This book has some uplifting moments and it's amazing that she was able to pull it together to get her degree. I appreciated her take on forgiveness and how she processed the trauma she suffered and was able to reconnect with her father and siblings. The way she sees people as different colors is also fascinating.
This book has some uplifting moments and it's amazing that she was able to pull it together to get her degree. I appreciated her take on forgiveness and how she processed the trauma she suffered and was able to reconnect with her father and siblings. The way she sees people as different colors is also fascinating.
August 2, 2024
"Chaos in Color" by Dr. R. Layla Salek tells the story of her troubled childhood with a mother suffering from untreated bipolar disorder. Salek uses colors to symbolize the people in her life, with her mother represented as brown.
While the memoir tackles important themes of trauma, forgiveness, and healing, it might not appeal to everyone. Some may find the book's approach and execution lacking, making it a less engaging read for those not particularly interested in personal accounts of mental health struggles.
While the memoir tackles important themes of trauma, forgiveness, and healing, it might not appeal to everyone. Some may find the book's approach and execution lacking, making it a less engaging read for those not particularly interested in personal accounts of mental health struggles.
November 19, 2023
It takes a brave person to confront their past, let alone let the world know of all your trauma. This is a great book if you are looking for a story to understand the survival of a young girl in an abusive home during an era before mental illness was accepted. I could feel her pain because I went through some of the same she went through others I couldn't imagine 💔 and made it out the other side.
September 19, 2023
so happy i read this book! the author’s writing style is very unique- something i haven’t seen before. the writing style is as if she is reading the story out loud. the book put me through an emotional rollercoaster. some moments i was crying and other times i was laughing! would 10/10 recommend this book to others and can’t wait to read more from this author!
September 27, 2023
This book took quite awhile to finish as it never fully intrigued me. It’s a raw and true story and I did appreciate the writing style but felt it was missing something. There weren’t many ups and downs but just a plateau of a story, a sad one for much of the book at that. I’m inspired by the author and all she achieved despite her hardships but wish I could have been more drawn to her story.
November 12, 2023
A great memoir of a young girl growing up with a bipolar mother, subjected to loneliness, verbal and physical abuse, her mother’s rants and tirades through her upbringing. How her suffering followed her through her adult life and steered her in various directions.
Very interesting, heartfelt, and informative.
Very interesting, heartfelt, and informative.
December 12, 2023
Excellent read.
I am always amazed, of the resilance of children who have such abusive childhoods.
She, was luckier than most. By having a support system she was able to survive and eventually thrive.
As her career grew, she was able to forgive the past and love the good times.
Mental illness is what caused the problems.
Her Mother, loved her the best she could.
I am always amazed, of the resilance of children who have such abusive childhoods.
She, was luckier than most. By having a support system she was able to survive and eventually thrive.
As her career grew, she was able to forgive the past and love the good times.
Mental illness is what caused the problems.
Her Mother, loved her the best she could.
January 26, 2024
Heart-wrenching and moving but also inspiring and capable of evoking hope that everyone can transform their life and thrive even out of trauma. I loved the synesthesia the author feels and the metaphors with colors she often uses to describe the situations in her life. I also liked the narrator, she has a beautiful, warm voice, which perfectly depicts images with its sound.
January 1, 2025
I felt this book had a lot of relatable situations for anyone who may have experienced similar situations in their own lives. The story can be inspiring, yet I feel it needed some professional editing to make it more understandable and easier to follow.
Thanks to Netgalley, and the publisher for providing this to me for review purposes.
Thanks to Netgalley, and the publisher for providing this to me for review purposes.
November 8, 2023
Children cope with trauma and abuse in many different ways. This is a great "educational" read but would love for the author to write a sequel that goes beyond the surface of their experience. Put the reader in your shoes and let them fully feel all of your emotions.
***Trigger Warning*
***Trigger Warning*
January 18, 2024
The author wrote about difficult topics in a simple, near, effortless way that allowed readers to understand. I appreciate that. For those that have grown up in situations with a parent or guardian that needed to have issues addressed but didn't - this can be a heavy read.
October 18, 2023
Eye opening and a must read. Great work.
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