Brat: A Ghost Story

by Gabriel Smith

“Gabriel Smith has written a truly unique and surprising book. He is the rarest a distinctive stylist on the line and structure level. Brat is so strange and so funny. I laughed a lot while reading.” Rachel Connolly, author of Lazy City

'Iconic', Radio 1

'i've never heard of you. good luck with your book tho !' Charli XCX on X, formerly Twitter

I was in the waiting room. Then I was in the examination
room.
 
Gabriel’s skin is falling off.
 
His dad is dead.
 
He owes his editor a novel.
 
His girlfriend won’t answer his calls.
 
Tasked by his horribly well-adjusted brother with clearing out the family home for sale, Gabriel’s sanity quickly begins to unravel. His parents’ old manuscripts appear to change each time he reads them. A bizarre home video hints at long-buried secrets. And there’s a hideous man in the garden.

Disquieting and hilarious, taut yet lyrical, blisteringly-paced but formally inventive, Brat is a mediation on grief, art and love that will leave you altered, breathless and desperate for more. 
 
From a stunningly original new talent, this is a debut novel unlike anything you have read before. 

“Messy with glitched realities and body horror, Brat breathes the same thrillingly claustrophobic air as Inland Empire and Ubik. It’s a skin-shedding ouroboros of grief and laughter, and the most brain-melting British debut I’ve read in ages.” Ed Park, author of Same Bed Different Dreams
 
“Gabriel Smith’s prose is like if Joan Didion and Shirley Jackson took Xanax and used the internet. Brat is a sharp, eerie, confident debut about grief, memory, art, and so much more. Smith is a major new talent.” Jordan Castro, author of The Novelist
 
“Gabriel Smith’s jauntily creepy and hilarious tale of a grief-stalked scapegrace’s sloughing-off and regeneration of selves in the filial murk of a moldering homestead is a Portrait of the Artist as a Young Man for a new, quaking generation. Brat will unnerve and seduce you.” Garielle Lutz, author of Worsted

 

Genres: Horror, Fiction, Literary Fiction, Contemporary, Gothic, Fantasy, Audiobook

335 pages, Kindle Edition

First published June 4, 2024

About the author

Gabriel Smith is an author living in London. A winner of the 2023 PEN/O. Henry Award, his fiction has appeared in The Drift, New York Tyrant Magazine, and The Moth. He was mentored by the late Giancarlo DiTrapano of Tyrant Books.

Reviews

[Jaylen]

Probably my favorite book of the year so far. It’s a gothic haunted house story about inheritance, grief, alternate realities, and writing. It uses a nested story structure and features an inimitable 'unlikeable narrator' whose skin may or may not be peeling off. The prose is remarkable in its simplicity; the pages fly due to the staccato sentences and vignette structure, contrasted with the increasingly surreal plot. It has the anxiety-inducing dread of a bad hangover combined with the clear-eyed haunting of an unforgettably bad dream. It’s also somehow funny and really smart in how it examines the cycle of grief and creativity. It’s an exciting piece of literary horror.

For fans of: Dennis Cooper, House of Leaves, Shirley Jackson, Hereditary, Death in Her Hands

[♑︎♑︎♑︎ ♑︎♑︎♑︎]

I found this boring, unlovely, pointless, and a little gross.

[verynicebook · Rating 5 out of 5]

Brat totally caught me off guard - I didn't expect to love it as much as I did but I totally devoured its dark, candid, and surreal narrative. I just have to start off by saying that this book absolutely *won't* be for everyone, and frankly I've seen more negative reviews than positive ones. However, I'm here to offer a different perspective. Brat tackles themes of grief, identity and growing up with unflinching honesty, pushing boundaries and some taboos along the way. If you're open to a gritty, unfiltered read, Brat might be for you too. The whole tone of this book reminded me of Iain Reid's books, which if you know me, I absolutely love all Iain Reid has done.

I listened to part of this book, narrated by the author himself whose voice perfectly captures the protagonist's essence which was a fitting choice given the book has been labelled at times as autofiction. Someone described the tone as "dark Napoleon Dynamite," which makes so much sense. Brat’s dark humour and absurdity had me laughing more times than I can count which I wasnt expecting. This book serves as a reminder that I shouldn't solely rely on popular opinions because if I had, I would’ve missed out on this gem which gets a 5 star from me. Read Brat, if you dare!!

[CJ Alberts]

Ummm ok anyways

[Blair · Rating 3 out of 5]

This was one of my most anticipated debuts of the year. Gabriel is a writer in his twenties whose father has passed away; his mother is in a care home. When he moves into his parents’ old house, Gabriel retreats further into himself. Are the strange things he describes – a manuscript that keeps changing, the house crumbling, his own skin peeling off – all in his head? It’s a great concept that’s held back by frustratingly childish language and humour. At many points you’d think the narrator was meant to be about 12. I enjoyed various inserts into the main narrative (some stories ostensibly written by Gabriel’s ex; a somewhat metafictional script) much more than that narrative itself. I liked the way the ending brings everything together, poignantly framing the way Gabriel finally shucks off the shroud of grief, but it doesn’t fully offset the unevenness of the rest. As imperfect as first novels sometimes can be, though with sparks of interesting style. I’ve enjoyed other short stories by Smith, and think that’s perhaps where his strengths as a writer lie, at least at this point.

I received an advance review copy of BRAT: A Ghost Story from the publisher through Edelweiss.

[Azhar · Rating 1 out of 5]

i’m sorry but what the actual fuck was that? breezed through it but it made no sense to me, like huh? i swear “girl, so confusing” was written about this book. the main character annoyed me, the writing needed seasoning, and overall i was confused for a majority of the book.

it wasn’t very charli xcx “brat” coded of it.

[fantine · Rating 5 out of 5]

reality is so strange and also not/very real why do people die do we ever really know people who die fully who they were and who they could have been and why do I have to think about this

[Karina · Rating 1 out of 5]

I might be too old for such a hefty dose of badly written juvenile existential angst

[Sophia Eck · Rating 2 out of 5]

Cue the claims that “we just don’t understand his type of humor”, “we are too close minded to grasp the concept he is exploring”, “you just don’t get it.”

if there is something to “get” here, I am proud to say I do not get it. Smith was mentored by the late publisher of Tyrant Books, and I wouldn’t be surprised to hear that this provided a major boost to this book of drivel’s publication.

The book is posited as a ghost story, our protagonist Gabriel (not surprisingly named after himself) is tasked with the cleaning out of his late father’s home, a home quickly giving into decay and rot, and filled with literary and film works of his parents that eerily change linear shape every time he picks them up. As the house continues to mold, his body also adopts a sinister habit of shedding skin not unlike layers of paint, big slabs that uncover new innocent skin lying beneath. Both of these plot points are intriguing, no? They could’ve been.

Smith writes with the artistry of an eleven year old girl who has recently published her first One Direction fanfic onto Wattpad (but without the charm): jerkily simple and short sentences, offensive and juvenile language, no doubt in an attempt to “push boundaries” (including the ableist R word many times, and the gross use of the word Gay as derogatory, truly like a middle school boy), and attempts to support his short and undeveloped main plot by interspersing many smaller stories, credited to our protagonist’s ex, his mother, his father, and personally it felt like Smith had a handful of ideas that were purely short form, and he concocted this main plot as a reason to amalgamate together all of these mediocre stories into a nonsense book with zero nuance.

Ironically, in a book with a major plot point of skin largely peeling off, this plot point, among others, is not satisfactorily fleshed out. I find that in literature that is labeled as “boundary-pushing”, much of the time when by men, that so often “boundary-pushing” turns out to mean that the book is simply rife with slurs, offensive language, and cheap grotesque shock factors. That much is shown here.

[Paul Fulcher · Rating 2 out of 5]

’Are you okay?’ she said. ‘You sound fucked up.’
‘I’m not okay. All my skin is peeling off. And there’s a video of my mother with a family I don’t recognise.’

There was a pause, filled with telephone noise, crowd noise, music.

‘What?’
‘And the family are in a manuscript Mum wrote, but doesn’t remember writing. And I think two of the characters are here in real life, too. I’ve met them. A boy and a girl. But the manuscript changes sometimes.’

Brat, subtitled A Ghost Story, is narrated by Gabriel, a writer of around 30 but rather more immature than that might apply and who has yet to write a word of the second novel for which he has received a 50k advance. He has a much older brother, a doctor. Gabriel is preparing for his father’s wake but has had to visit A&E after a fight with his 12 year old nephew.

My brother’s wife, when I was back at the house, said I shouldn’t have provoked him. ‘He’s very sensitive,’ she said.
‘What?’ I said. ‘I didn’t provoke him.’
‘He loved your dad,’ my brother’s wife said. ‘They had a real connection.’
‘I don’t see what that has to do with anything.’
‘Are you really going to wear that outfit?’ she said.

I was wearing a T-shirt with lots of Phils on it: Phil Leotardo, Phil Neville, the Philippines, the concept of ‘Philanthropy’, Philadelphia (the spread), the London Philharmonic, Prince Philip.

Their mother, a novelist, is in a care home suffering from dementia and Gabriel moves into the family home, ostensibly to clear it out to sell, but he seems more interested in cultivating the cannabis farm he finds in the attic, and reading his parents’ papers.

The story that follows, at least in Gabriel’s account, becomes increasingly surreal (although his brother and sister-in-law think it is invented as an excuse not to prepare the house for sale or to write his novel).

Gabriel’s own skin is peeling off like a snake (it did make me chuckle that a succession of doctors think carefully and then prescribe hydrocortisone - although I’m surprised there isn’t a Fucidin-S made specially for the condition) and as the quote that opens my review hints, he finds a video which hints at his mother having two families, a draft of a novel which seems to tell of their story and then meets a mid-late teens boy and girl who somehow seem to be the people featured, as well as a man dressed as a deer who lives in the shed and helps out in the garden.

The novel itself contains scripts within the script - extracts from some of these works, which also change each time they are read, alongside others such as a short-story published in Guernica by his ex-girlfriend about a Russian oligarch who finds and buys expensive artworks to masturbate and ejaculate on them.

To be alone after dark in the National Gallery is a privilege –one afforded to friends of higher-level staff and generous benefactors. And Vladislav was now both. And, leaving his assigned assistant in the North Wing with some lesser Dutch work from the seventeenth century, he walked alone, heels clipping the cold and silent gallery floors.

And then he saw her. In the Mond Room. The Virgin in Prayer, by Sassoferrato. She was perfect.

Blue and pink and white like stained glass, or sweet wrappers, and full of her own light in the near-dark room.

Vladislav felt himself growing erect underneath his soft and expensive blue jeans.

At times the narration is very funny, particular the succession of fights our narrator Gabriel provokes then loses (his nephew; a 60 year old female neighbour; an estate agent - and his brother although that one’s more a draw):

We sat in her living room. Her television said: AA: the future of breakdown, today. She turned it off.

‘I got in a fight with the estate agent,’ I said, pointing at the new cuts and bruising on my face. ‘My brother and his wife are very cross with me.’
‘Are you hurt?’ my grandmother said.
‘Not really. I got some good ones in, too. In the melee,’ I said.

She almost laughed, then made her face stern.

Although at others the humour (see also above) is rather puerile - while this is the character not the narrator I could have done without the frequent use of homophobic and misogynistic slur words - and at one point channels South Park’s Harry and Meghan sketch:

’I think about it whenever I eat Creme Eggs. Or whenever I’m fighting.’

‘No wonder you lose so often,’ my brother said.

He took a bite of the Cornetto and then a drink of the whisky. On television they were swinging a Viking axe against a new dead pig.

‘Are you really going to eat two Cornettos?’ I said. ‘Your brain will freeze.’
‘Yeah,’ said my brother.
‘Can I have some whisky?’ I said.

He said yeah again and passed me the bottle. I drank a little bit from it.

‘I’m sorry, obviously,’ I said.
‘For calling my wife a bitch?’
‘Yeah,’ I said.
‘For repeatedly calling my wife a bitch?’
‘Yeah,’ I said.
‘You’re sorry for what? What?’ he said, miming that he couldn’t hear.
‘For repeatedly calling your bitch wife a bitch,’ I said.
‘Thank you,’ he said.

Overall a quick (despite 300+ pages) and enjoyable read but an odd mix of crude humour with a creative metafictional take on a story of parallel lives, fate and loss.

Thanks to the publisher via Netgalley for the ARC.

[ra · Rating 2 out of 5]

edit i changed my mind and have decided im not the problem and that the prose style of this is in fact tedious enough to really get in the way of what would otherwise be a genuinely interesting set of ideas. what is it about writing (even in this adjacent way) from the internet that seems to sap any real semblance of style from these things. which is crazy as an outcome bc i think internet inflection (e.g like...im thinking of the tonal inflections of a tumblr post) is such a distinct thing, and helped with the creation (and subsistence!) of subcultures and i know we're all like boooo tiktok monoculture which is true but there are still corners where those specific linguistic quirks exist how did we get to this boring atonal unimaginative prose style. ok im done sorry <3

edit 2: VINDICATION https://thebaffler.com/latest/extreme...

some insanely good ideas in here like definitely a book that makes you start googling anzieu's skin ego theory at like 2am. i think stylistically though this didn't work for me at all because it was so stilted and just felt like a poor reiteration of dennis cooper's Period, but im willing to say that that's more of a me problem than an actual defect of the work

— “The hole in my leg was infected. I thought I had cleaned it properly. But maybe I hadn’t. Or maybe it had just got infected anyway.”

[Ashton · Rating 1 out of 5]

The main character having the same name as the author was enough male egotism for me.

[Sarah ♡ (let’s interact!) · Rating 4 out of 5]

Brat: A Ghost Story really did satisfy my weird fiction/body horror needs. It’s about one man’s descent into madness after experiencing grief, showing his sanity slowly beginning to unravel.
The writing style is unique, it consists of short, sharp, chapters - which suit this bizarre type of story well. There are some bold and imaginative elements that make for a stand out debut novel, it makes me intrigued what this author will write next. It has more gothic elements than the full gross-out horror that I was expecting, although there are obviously moments that are exactly that.

Gabriel’s skin is falling off. His Dad is dead. He owes his editor a novel. His girlfriend won’t answer his calls...

The first time where Gabriel goes back to read his Mother’s old manuscript for a second time, and there are unexplainable changes feels truly unsettling.

I’m unsure if this book will be for everyone, but it’s definitely for me, as I love horror/weird fiction. It feels like my brain has been reset and I’m ready to read a lot more of it now lol

Buddy read with my friend, Erica! 🖤

3.75 Stars

[Hannah (hngisreading) · Rating 4 out of 5]

(Thank you, Penguin Press, for the ARC in exchange for an honest review.)

God this book is so strange and lyrical and cyclical.

BRAT is this super weird blend of gothic horror with autofictional aspects. Written in short, easily readable but not easily digestible vignettes, the story flies by in a surreal blur.

The Gabriel of the story, the titular “brat,” moves home after the death of his father to, ostensibly, pack up and sell the house. His mother is in a nursing home, her memory deteriorating. In his childhood home, Gabriel begins to deteriorate, too.

His skin peels off in thick sheets, like a lizard. The house is slowly devoured by vines. A mysterious manuscript keeps changing; characters come to life. Gabriel finds a video tape, revealing his family, and his mother with oddly familiar strangers. A secret family? The characters from the book, perhaps? Then, he discovers a screenplay of his father’s. It, too, features a videotape that changes each time you play it.

Increasingly claustrophobic, BRAT explores the trauma of loss, of grief. I’m still processing. I have a feeling this is a book that begs to be reread. That, maybe, each reread will reveal something new, something different, much like the mysterious manuscript and videotape.

[Jan Agaton · Rating 4 out of 5]

I'm probably too dumb for this but it was definitely the type of weird literary horror I always seek out.

TW: homophobia, the R word, fatphobia

[Yahaira · Rating 4 out of 5]

I feel like we are in a new era of stories that show how weird grief can be. Grief can be disorienting, it can come in waves, it’s fragmentary, and it can be made smaller, but it never disappears. I find grief is one of those misunderstood topics that makes people mad when it isn't expressed in the way they need or expect.

I happened to reread Catcher in the Rye right before Brat and forgot how grief stricken Holden is; his trauma coloring the world around him. Everyone’s a phony. His rage masks his loneliness. Holden lacks the support to help manage and process his loss.

Am I trying to say Brat is like Catcher? I think there are some similarities in their lack of coping (and all the writers in the family feels like a nod). Unlike Holden, Gabriel is in his twenties mourning the death of his father, slightly ignoring the end of his relationship, perhaps going through anticipatory grief as his mother suffers from dementia in a nursing home, and his skin is peeling off. He’s supposed to be getting his childhood home ready for sale, but instead drinks, takes pills, sleeps a lot, and gets in the most random fights - all while the house is disintegrating around him. He finds manuscripts and videotapes by his parents that seem to change every time he looks at them. Let’s just say things are weird for Gabriel and we aren’t sure what’s really happening. Like the title suggests, he’s an unlikeable narrator, especially with his aimlessness, but there’s enough humor and heart to make you care.

Brat, like the mold spreading through the house and the plants overtaking the exterior, has really grown on me since finishing. Smith uses the tropes found in body horror and the gothic while, I think, elevating them with the use of intertextual media, playful autofiction, and some glitchy text to really capture how layered grief can be. There was this moment when you’re reading a script that you realize you’re two or three levels deep in and it was almost claustrophobic but also fascinating to feel.

You may shed your skin, but underneath it’s still you.

[Tom Mooney · Rating 4 out of 5]

This was great, it's exactly my kind of novel. An edgy, innovative debut about the madness of grief. Surreal, haunting, funny, dark and weird. There's elements of Chuck Palahniuk and Scott McClanahan in the style and verve of Smith's writing. It's actually a very un-English book, owing way more to fringe contemporary American writing than anything from these shores.

In his acknowledgements, Smith says BRAT was lined up to be published by Giancarlo DiTrapino's hugely influential Tyrant Books before Gian's untimely death a couple of years ago. Having read - and loved - many writers from that stable in recent years, I would definitely say Smith is cut from the same cloth. He's got the goods.

[jocelyn • coolgalreading · Rating 4 out of 5]

i just devoured this is in one sitting in the bath lmao. i really liked this one. maybe a 3.5 but a strong one.

[Renee Godding · Rating 1 out of 5]

Remember when Ottessa Moshfegh did "unhinged, spoiled and selfobsessed protagonist deals with grief in the worst and most detestable way possible" with My Year of Rest and Relaxation? I do, and I hated it.
Now imagine that concept, but with a male protagonist, who is even more emotionally immature and isn't so much obsessed with himself, but more so with his own genitals. That's Brat and I hated it even more.

The story:
Brat is the story of the unraveling sanity of our twenty-something-year old protagonist Gabriel, as his formerly perfect life crumbles apart. Once a young writer deemed to be brimming with potential, he hasn’t been able to commit a single sentence to paper towards his latest (far overdue) manuscript. His father has died, his mother is in a care home and his (ex-?) girlfriend won’t answer his calls. Gabriel decides to move into his parents dilapidated old house, in order to clean up his affairs, only to find strange events chasing him there. His family home might be haunted by a man in a deer-costume, strange versions of his manuscript are turning up around the house and on top of it all, Gabriels skin is sloughing off…

What I liked:
Look, I see what the author did here, and I appreciate the concept. I’m all for a modern take on the haunted house as an exploration of the effects of grief on ones’ sanity. There are quite a few cool concepts and allegories in here that, in the hands of a different author, might have worked for me. In the hands of Gabriel Smith however, they didn’t.

What I didn’t like:
It all begins with the writing-style. This is the most staccato, stilted and clinical prose I’ve ever encountered in fiction, and it’s not in a good way. I genuinely don’t understand how so many people are praising this books “lyricism”, as there’s nothing about the writing that justified that descriptor for me. Stilted, lacking rhythm and repetitive in every way (from individual word-choice to complete paragraphs); I struggled to finish it.
Then there’s the protagonist. If you want to know about his character; look no further than the novel’s title. He’s not just a brat though… This man is the most self-obsessed, disgusting and immature pest, with a strange fascination for his own genitals more suiting to s 3-year-old, I’ve ever encountered. YES, I understand it’s intentional, but that doesn’t make it GOOD writing. The vulgarity and self-obsessive-vibe doesn’t extend to the protagonists narrative voice either, which is where the book truly lost me. It’s everywhere: in the sentences on page, and in all the choices behind them. I have no way of backing this, but here’s what this book felt like:
there’s a certain category of modern authors that describe themselves as “provocative” and “pushing boundaries”, by which they mean being vulgar for the sake of it, and tossing slurs and grotesque imagery out there to provoke a reaction from the reader. Only to then praise themselves for how “intellectual” their novel is (preferably in the scenes where the character was having uncomfortable sex or jerking off on page…). It’s thát impression that Gabriel Smith gives through his debut, having me doubt if maybe the title of the novel is a little auto-fictional too…

There are some literary fiction novels where I feel like maybe “I didn’t get it”, which is why it didn’t work for me. In the case of Brat: I fully got it alright. I just hated it…

[Rach A. · Rating 4 out of 5]

give me all the weird fucked up grief books pls

[Court Zierk · Rating 4 out of 5]

3.5 ⭐️s rounded up

I didn’t know anything about this book. I started reading this book. I furled my brows. I scratched my head. Then I kept reading. I ADHD-zoned. I felt some emotions. I remembered something I forgot. I finished this book. I might be insufficient���

I’m of two minds when it comes to my feelings for this book. On one hand, I found the prose to be choppy, unvaried and distracting (as illustrated in my introduction). It grated on me by the time I reached the halfway mark. On the other hand, I found myself drawn into the story, strangely connected to these misanthropic characters, and appreciative of the big swing this took to capture some societally evasive themes. I’m somewhere in the middle on my feelings overall, but it’s quick and probably worth your time.

Character I Loved & Hated

I don’t think we’re supposed to love any of these characters, but despite the author’s best attempt, I somehow still related to the brat. I think that probably speaks to my own moral credibility, and makes me wonder how resolute I should feel about its standing.

Although I should abide by the author’s desire for his readers to hate his characters, nobody stands out in this regard.

Themes

The impact of grief on one’s sanity, and the grotesque and agonizing toll of one’s rebirth

One Thing I’ll walk away with

For some reason I feel like watching Austin Power’s Goldmember. Skin box anyone?

[Sandy ❦✶⁺⋆ · Rating 3 out of 5]

3.5 ★ A mild existential reckoning and an introspective dive into a mystery - a mirror within a mirror if you will. I generally enjoyed this and the blunt humour narration kept me entertained. It felt relatively short though and many of the 'outside' factors felt insubstantial.

[Judy · Rating 3 out of 5]

This is a strange book for sure. The whole time I was reading I felt a little creepy, like I was in another reality. The theme is grief and dealing with the aftermath, as well as the house and its contents. With the father dead and the mother in a nursing home, the house is left to the two sons. One is married so Gabriel goes to live in the house and pack it up so they can sell it. But through a haze of alcohol and drugs and grief he cannot seem to do anything at all. He seems to spend a lot of time taking care of his father's marijuana plants in the attic (and sampling the stash). Gabriel's skin is shedding like a reptile - it just peels off. A little horror throughout with the skin peeling in sheets, plants overtaking the house and coming inside, all provide a horror-type feel. The Mother was a writer and Gabriel found a novel but every time he picks it up the story changes. It's a very different kind of book and it's a debut novel. I would recommend it to anyone who likes quirky and off-beat.

Thanks to Penguin Press through Netgalley for an advance copy.

[suzannah ♡ · Rating 2 out of 5]

ummmm….ok? this is a really quick read but it left me feeling confused and deflated. maybe that was the point idk but it wasn’t my vibe. the plot was a bit all over the place and if you asked me what happened and what the story is about i genuinely don’t think i could tell you

[mali · Rating 2 out of 5]

girl this was a mess

[Nikki · Rating 5 out of 5]

Ok im not so sure about most of the people reviewing this book chose to say it was “3.5 stars rounded up.” This can only mean that they have never ever in their whole life experienced grief as a young adult. I know thats a generalized thing to say, but im pissed. This was a fantastic book. A beautiful story about the death of a parent and a child’s understanding of the loss and the lack of trust in the world around them. Especially since it is a new world. The world that will be experienced now will be different and scary and helpless and hopeless and nerve wracking and entirely out of your control. But, at the same damn time, the new world is your new world. You do actually have control, and there are people around you who love you. Oh, and the sun always comes up. As my friends and i repeated over the past weekend, “You need to get through winter to get to spring.”

I cried multiple times during the last three days. Like god damn this was overwhelming to read as i am currently going through an insane transitional period in my life. We tend to believe, “once X is done, this will be over,” but unfortunately, that is not how anything works. Ever. This sentiment leads to disappointment every single time. But do we ever learn? No, of course not. We just want the pain to end, the suffering to clear itself out, and the joy to be permanent. This is impossible and not true and this forces the human brain to spiral into it’s comfortable Fear Tornado. Because, “When will it end?” “when will i never have to suffer again?” “Will this ever get better?” Is a constant. And this book explores these insane thoughts and simplifies it into a complicated, confusing story for our main character, Gabriel.

He is losing his skin in chunks. He is scared. His dad is dead. There are questions that need to be answered. His is alone. The mold is coming up the walls of his childhood home that he needs to clear out to sell. He has a book he needs to write. He is in his 20s. His doctor is not listening to him. He sees a man in his yard with a deer head and a mud body and he swears this man is watching him. He feels paranoid. He feels confused. Did i mention he is nervous? Everything feels grey. Everything feels spoiled, like its all rotting from the inside. Because in reality, it is. Everything is rotting. His dad is dead. His mother has dementia. Everything is changing. He cant stop thinking about the moments in his childhood. His dreams scare him. He is lost.

This book heavily reminded me of when i also lost my dad for obvious reasons. It all just kinda sorta happened and then we moved on. I never understood how everyone around me just continued to pay their bills and go to work and raise their children and not cry and not think and not talk and not scream and not feel anything at all. I was 17, a little younger than Gabriel, but i also felt the world had lost it’s color. It lost its excitement. I felt like everything i did meant nothing because i was 17 and i needed severe attention and it was impossible to get from the people who loved me. Because their dad died too. Their husband died too. Their brother-in-law died too. Their uncle died too. Their friend died too. I thought if i shed my skin and changed my hair and got a bunch of tattoos, did a lot of drugs and dated horrible people, it would not matter. No one was looking at me and i was going to die anyway. Selfish. Totally selfish, but i was 17 so give little Nikki a break here.

I just remember in my creative writing classes i was able to write about these intense confusing feelings and everyone would listen. I got a lot of people to cry. It felt wonderful to make someone cry. Because then i could cry too. Some of them even gave me hugs after class. I wish i was hugged more. I still kinda do

Anyway, im getting carried away here with my own horrible experience. Lets get back to the book

It was touching to read a weird book about grief and how weird it all is. It was written exactly how ive always wanted to write a book. Short. Staccato. To the point. The main character leaves out important details because thats human nature and that is honest. When he didnt know something, we didnt know something. I loved the insertion of different manuscripts and writings. I loved rhe VHS tape bit. I cried during that too. I loved rhe grandma character. There were a lot of valuable lessons embedded in the characters experience and sometimes it was spelled out. Because sometimes with grief, being told a riddle will not help you make sense of things. Sometimes you need to be told straight up “You need to accept help even if everything is so scary. It is supposed to be scary” im crying right now writing this

Well, im gojng to end now as my bus is about to drop me off at school. I recommend this book to anyone and everyone. Thanks for reading if you made it this far

[Jason Conrad · Rating 2 out of 5]

When you buy a novel emulating an A24 film script … from Temu. A24? No. B23? Yes. 😭

I hope the $15 I spent on this can go towards the author taking a writing class, because this was not the serve they thought it was.

[erica ࣪ ִֶָ☾. · Rating 3 out of 5]

3★
”I’ve got to go, I’m dying,” I said, and hung up the phone.

Super weird!! Brat shows how grief can be really strange, confusing, and unpredictable.
The quick chapters made for an easily digestible read which I loved!!

Buddy read with my friend Sarah!🖤

[Melanie · Rating 3 out of 5]

I think this is what charli xcx meant when she said
“I think the apple’s rotten right to the core
From all the things passed down
From all the apples coming before”

[imogen · Rating 4 out of 5]

3.5 rounded up