Faded Pages

by Madilyn DeRose

If someone ever needed a picture to conceptualize the term 'emotionally volatile', I'd be the one screaming, "I volunteer as tribute." I was a mess, I couldn't keep a 'real job', and I was prone to angry outbursts at the slightest provocation. TLDR; I was problematic. Toxic, if you believed every one of my exes.

If we were looking at the whole picture, I was not a catch. Men didn't want someone difficult like me. They didn't have the patience or the will and I didn't blame them. A boring relationship with a guy that tolerated me was the best I could hope for. That was exactly who I'd been with for the past two years; a boyfriend that was kind of an asshole and barely acknowledged my existence.

Then... he showed up. Two years and an ocean had separated us, but now he was back and it seemed like he was on a mission to pull me back into his orbit.
Not happening. None for me, thanks. Okay, maybe a bite. Just one, though. I swear.

Genres: Dark Romance

445 pages, Paperback

Published July 1, 2023

About the author

I'm a self-published author who generally has a dozen projects going at one time. Check out one of my completed series or follow along with what's currently ongoing.

I was born in Portland, OR and I will unashamedly claim that the PNW is the best place to be. Catch me with an iced coffee in hand, even in the rain and snow.

My main genres are romance and fantasy. Some of my content is very dark, but it varies by book/series, so please check the content warnings in each book before diving in!

I hope you enjoy my books and leave me a review with your honest opinion!

Reviews

[Stephanie · Rating 3 out of 5]

3.5! Cannot lie.. this book, including the DSM5 was wow wow. New to reading from this author but will not be the last!

[Tiffney Naugle · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book was deep and an emotional rollercoaster. With someone who has mental health issues this hit me on a personal level. The scientist in me is trying to diagnose which mental health issues it is. This book ends on a cliff hanger. Madilyn is an amazing author and I enjoyed reading her book, I can't wait for the next one.

[Ebook Dragon · Rating 5 out of 5]

Read The Triggers!
This book had me on an emotional rollercoaster keeping up into an insomnia night where I just couldn't put the book down. Then it had to end on a cliff hanger that was just ripping my heart out. This is not an average book. It shows flaws and raw deep emotions. You connect with the FMC you feel what she feels. It's so relatable on many different levels. I love how the FMC owns up to her issues and doesn't try to act like she doesn't have problems. She might not tell certain people what they are but that is her business and will be part of her growth. I love how this showcases mental health issues. This book felt so real to me and had me checking my own mental state before I could dive into the next book. I highly recommend this book!

Fav Quote:
"After everything I've said to you these past weeks, you still want to hide from me. Let's see if I can find you. Run."

"This is mine. Your pleasure is mine. Every piece of you is mine. Give me everything. Come undone for me, Emilia."

"If I ever ended up on death row and they asked what I wanted for my last meal, I would choose her."

My Rating System:
1 star: Probably DNF - Lacks structure - Grammatical Errors - Boring characters
2 stars: Not a fan - Struggled to finish - Won't reread - Lacked personality - Lacked storyline
3 stars: Neutral - Underwhelmed - Nothing special - Like the book but we're still troubled by a few components
4 stars: Enjoyed - Concept unique - Dialogue felt real - Invested in characters - Missing cherry on top
5 stars: Creme de la creme - It's addictive - Emotional Impact - Highly Recommend - Feels like you are part of the book

[Jessica Zeleskey · Rating 5 out of 5]

Wow, just wow. This book had me speechless. This is not your average book, FMC perfect, flawless and just everything is roses. This book is raw, real and honest. Life isn't perfect, life hurts but we try to move forward.

The FMC is real and dang did this book feel like it was calling me out. She has anger issues, intrusive thoughts and one heck of a personality. I swear Lizzy lives in my head also. I'm so glad that this author took the route she did with this book, it was refreshing but also very very deep.

There are multiple areas of triggers but the author was fantastic in detailing them out in the start of the book, including calling out a chapter that is about SA (don't have to read this chapter to get the gist of what happens.)

It was very hard to put this book down and leaves you needing book 2 right away (like have it on stand by before you are finished).

If you are looking for a raw, honest, in your face (in a good way) realistic life isn't flowers and sunshine, a FMC who is more like the girl you see when you look in a mirror than one you see in a fantasy. All your fears, doubts and negative thoughts. In a way, this book made me realize that it's not just something I personally deal with but one that many stuggle with.

Also, the spice is amazing so there is that fun spiciness to this book!

One of my top reads this year! Wow 👏 👏 👏 5 out of 5 stars (if I could give more I would!!)

[Anatasia McCoy · Rating 5 out of 5]

If you are someone that has intrusive thoughts or struggles with mental health or honestly dating the "wrong" men while the right one is staring you right in the face and you're too afraid to take the leap. This book is for you. Em is an extremely relatable character, and you're gonna fall absolutely in love with her little brain lizard Lizzy *sarcastic, hilarious, cruel* Em makes poor and impulsive decisions throughout the whole book. She struggles with everyday mundane tasks that honestly a lot of us do. Her journey is one riddled with self-doubt, impulse, and insecurity. Alden *MMC* is deliciously flawed in his own beautiful way, and his poor choices lead to regret. He doesn't always make the right decision. His intention is, however, always in the right place. This book is pure angsty, heartbreaking, and emotional Rollercoaster that I don't regret embarking on. Watch out for the ending at the end. It's left on a cliff hanger. Book two is out. Book 3 is out in January.
Things to expect:
Mental health
Abusive relationships
Cheating
Toxic display of coping
-humor used to deflect
-mention of self harm and suicide ideation
If any of these bother you or trigger you. This book isn't for you.

[Chaos · Rating 3 out of 5]

This book wasn't for me. I understand why it was written the way it was, but it was too much. I wanted to get away from the crazy spiraling that the character was doing. I have my own crazy in my head, and even that didn't prepare me for the insanity that was Em's head. I think if the book wasn't written in first person, I would have liked it a hell of a lot better. The writing actually made me nauseous and dizzy. It just got to be too much when Em was constantly spiraling. I get that she has issues, and I understood that. I just didn't want to be stuck in her head when I'm already stuck in mine. But my biggest issue with the book was, again, the miscommunication trope! Why don't these adults just talk to each other?? A relationship takes work and TALKING AND LISTENING! These characters did none of that. It's no wonder Em kept spiraling when she couldn't hold a conversation with Alden, and he wouldn't actually talk to her. I just can't deal with adults who won't have a talk to each other.

I will say, regardless of the negatives for me, this authors writing is incredibly immersive. She does not struggle with building her world and her characters. Every book I've read of this author so far, I've applauded her world development and the complicated characters.

[Simone]

The story is relatable on so many levels. Everyone can have a bad day and that makes us feel like crap. Em has a lot of them, but that does not mean that she is unworthy of being loved. Most of us have been through things that have left marks inside or on us. But that does not mean we need to be ashamed of them. Alden has his own problems and is not always sure how to deal with things but one thing he does know: He loves Em and he would do everything he can to prove it to her, no matter how long it takes, no matter how many time she pushes him away because of her insecurity's.

We all deserve to be loved. This is a very interesting and intriguing way of telling it. The story twists and turns and keeps your attention on the pages throughout the book. I absolutely love it. I can't wait for the next one.

[Ali Alley EscapeThroughABook · Rating 5 out of 5]

This isnt my first book by this author, so I knew she wrote fantastic books… but this one blew me out of the water. I couldn’t put this book down. This by FAR has been one of the most emotional books Ive read this year. The complexity of her characters is just mind blowing! This book is so good!

HEED THE TRIGGER WARNINGS!!!!

This Contemporary Romance will take you on an intoxicating emotional roller coaster.
This book is full of relatable trigger warnings that makes getting lost in the characters easy.
The situations between the FMC, and MMC will leave you laughing, crying, and frustrated all within a few chapters.
The slow build between the MCs leads for a heart racing experience in anticipation, and hope.

[Ashley · Rating 5 out of 5]

Faded Pages follows FMC Em and her daily struggles with mental health and self-deprecation. Her bf, Mason is the most selfish, entitled, ignorant and unsupportive, douche-nugget. After 2 years abroad, her best friend Alden has returned back home with a love so fierce, she doesn’t know what to do with it.

While stuck between a rock and a hard place, she must choose between the toxic relationship she’s used to or a love she’s never known and feels so undeserving of.

As someone who struggles with severe anxiety (in multiple forms) and at times MDD, this one pulled on my heart strings and had me in my feels. I too, battle with intrusive thoughts, a hot temper, and can be so dang stubborn 😅

[Alexandra Burgess · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is series is the most relatable out of all her books. I actually felt called out multiple times 😭🤣. I loved it this one is mainly about Mason and Alden. Her mental health is very unstable in this book. This book hit my feelings because I’m struggle with manic depression and I’m bipolar. She must pick between the two. It’s not your typical romance book that’s for sure it’s toxic but who doesn’t love a book that’s toxic in this day of age. Literally Madilyn has a way to make a complexed books and very well rounded characters. She loves to leave cliff hangers 🤣 I really want to tell people not to go into blind in any of her books. But this series is close to my heart.

[Chris · Rating 5 out of 5]

Note that this ends in a cliffhanger and the author is accurate in the notes on potential triggers!

I really enjoyed this book. A woman who is in what I would consider an unhealthy relationship who needs to realize that she deserves better. She is surrounded by genuinely warm and friendly people but needs to learn she can rely on them. The plot was great with quite a few twists. The author makes you want to finish and immediately pick up the next book. An excellent read!

A big thank you to the author for the advanced review copy I received for free. This review is left happily and voluntarily!

[Kelley wellmeier · Rating 5 out of 5]

Whew such strong emotions in this one, beginning to end is such a whirlwind of ups and downs. Em is a beautiful sole but lizzy not so much. This book is deep and real and all the things people don’t bring to the surface! Depression and anxiety are at the forefront of ems life. Aldean is there to accept her with open arms but it’s never enough for em. Shes second guessing every word and action of everyone around her. Reeling from SA and how to heal herself, she’s strong but doesn’t know how strong she really is!

[Tabatha Slagle · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is a new side to Madilyn, she's so raw with this writing it really tears at your heart. I don't really have words to describe how I feel about this book and the ending, ughhhhhhhhhh. Well, on to the next for answers to all the questions I have. Emilia's nicknames for everyone in her phone had me laughing way to hard. There's also so many quotes that will stick with me forever. There's obviously some morally questionable things in this book, which Madilyn discloses. I'd recommend checking the trigger warnings before reading this one.

[Michelle Compton · Rating 5 out of 5]

I would definitely give a 4.5 stars! The only reason it's not a 5 to me is the story line was a little choatic at times.
Mason reminds me so much of my ex and was honestly a little triggering for me at times, which did cause me to take a little longer to read. Alden is everything girls like us need, the support the devotion to changing her internal dialog is all perfect.
The spice level was a solid 2.5 for me, and definitely a slow burn.
I have yet to read a book from this author that isn't absolutely on point!

[Nichole Sells · Rating 5 out of 5]

I am in love with this series! I can't tell you how refreshing it is to have a lead character that is a mess. She has bad behaviors, an anger problem, an attitude, just to name a few. This book tackles mental illness and some other really deep topics so pay attention to the warnings. I can relate to the lead, in more ways than one; I am sure many others will too. I will definitely keep following this series, and DeRose too!

[Bo0kSLoth · Rating 3 out of 5]

It's a little overly wordy. In the triggers, it warnings about mental illness and maybe that is it. It felt like I was spiraling along with the character; caught up in her mania, sometimes swirling around in her head I just wanted to out so I could skip the repetitive crazy and get back to the plot.

It's not all bad. There is just a lot to add through.

I received a free copy of this book and am voluntarily leaving a review.

[CheayReads · Rating 5 out of 5]

If you liked the emotional whiplash of the After series, you will love this! I loooveee the After series, but Tessa was young and had no fight to give to Hardin most of the time, even when he deserved it, and it drove me crazy. But in Faded Pages?? Em is ready and willing to fight everyone..even if maybe it’s adding more fuel to the fire of her life. I love the characters and the story so much, I can’t wait to read the next books in the series😍🖤🖤

[tattooedbooknerdgirl35 (Amanda Lynn) · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is my honest review of Faded Pages by Author Madilyn DeRose.

Rating: ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐
Spice: 🔥🔥🔥

I have to say Madilyn can tell an awesome story I fell in love with Emilia's story, I feel for Emilia so much, she has gone through so much. She feels too much and it causes her to act out at times.

I love how she is with Alden and how he just wants to help her through everything. Everything they go through is so much. This story does end on a cliff hanger. A must read definitely

[Melissa Walker · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book was beautiful! This is for anyone who has ever been in a toxic relationship, for anyone who has ever been r4ped. This book is for anyone who felt they were never good enough or felt they were just too much! This book is for you if you struggle with mental illness, or if you have PTSD.

This book is not a fairy tale. This is a book that sums up what a lot of people experience. This book was absolutely amazing. Madilyn DeRose, you are an amazing author. Please don't ever stop writing!

[Ann Marie · Rating 5 out of 5]

FMC is a mess 😅 but I was rooting for her and MC is all about her w/o wanting her to be any different. Up and down a lot with a whole lot of drama. Does a good job with psych perspectives with the FMC. Definitely heavy on plot but it builds up pretty well

[Nicole Deanne Veracruz · Rating 4 out of 5]

Talk about realistic. This book hit home in a lot of ways. I could relate so much to the MFC and her struggles with mental health. I love that it's not sugar coated. There are many triggers. Getting ready to read the next book.

[K.M. Starr · Rating 5 out of 5]

This was an emotional read. While not the usual genre I read, I really enjoyed this book. I won't leave any spoilers, but there were some deep topics. I am going to check out Madilyn's other series too.

[Kaitlyn · Rating 3 out of 5]

I really liked this book, it was so beautifully written. I unfortunately will not be reading the rest of the series as turns out it will end as MMF and I don't read poly. The author is amazing with words so definitely give this a chance if you don't mind endings being why choose.

[gabby_claire_reads · Rating 5 out of 5]

📚 Faded Pages by Madilyn DeRose 📚 book #1 of 2024

⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️
🌶️.5/5

Absolutely obsessed with this book! Em is in a toxic relationship with Mason and when her childhood best friend Alden comes back after being away for a few year, she ends up discovering some hard breaking and life changing truths.

Marcus is the definition of platonic soulmates and I absolutely loved him!

Em has an inner devil “voice on her shoulder” thats called Lizzy and she either keeps her sane or makes her feel so much worse about herself by saying things Em feels but doesn’t want to admit.

The mental health rep in this book is the best I’ve ever read about, so raw and emotional and darn relatable! I’m in love with how the book is written, the plot is really good and flows naturally. The smut is just perfection!!

Toxic relationship
Forbidden love
Mental health rep
Childhood best friends
Alden is a major green flag and Emilia is totally fucked mentally but super relatable!

[Kate Nelson · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is not your average romance book and for that I am thankful. It sounds like a simple story of boy and girl, unrequited love and miscommunication but it so much more. There are some major triggers so check those out before you start.

Madilyn DeRose is quickly becoming one of my favourite authors. She writes deep and though provoking characters that are not all sunshine and roses but still manage to drag you in to their story and keep you wanting to know more.

[•mikaela• :) · Rating 5 out of 5]

✨ARC Review✨

LOVE LOVE LOVE! 🖤
That ending?! Left me shocked to the core and immediately had to start the second. I feel like I relate to Em way too much which is probably worrisome but I’ll deal with that another day.
Them spicy scenes had me feeling some type of way. 🥵
What crack are you putting in these books Madilyn? I’m addicted as f*ck. 🖤

[daddysbabygirlreads · Rating 5 out of 5]

Overall ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️
Spice 🌶️🌶️🌶️
Sm^t 🥵🥵🥵
Darkness 🖤🖤🖤
Kinks🥴🥴
Burn❤️‍🔥❤️‍🔥❤️‍🔥❤️‍🔥