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Mother Guilt: Australian Women Reveal Their True Feelings About Motherhood
Today's mothers are suffering from an epidemic of guilt that is so powerful and so uniquely related to motherhood that it has it's own name – Motherguilt. But what causes them to feel this way and why are fathers seemingly immune from the condition? Wanting only the best for their families mothers run themselves ragged, taking care of everyone and everything else before considering their own needs. When things go wrong, as they inevitably do, they blame themselves and Motherguilt takes over.So is it possible for women to deprogram themselves of this opressive guilt? Yes, say Ita Buttrose and Dr Penny Adams, who have combined their respective talents to examine this phenomenon and offer positive solutions for a permanent cure.
350 pages, Paperback
First published August 28, 2006
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Displaying 1 - 3 of 3 reviews
September 3, 2019
I really wanted to read this book, intrigued by Ita's stunning journalistic career and progressive views on women. However, I was really let down by the poor writing and, ironically, glib motherhood statements peppered throughout this book. Far from reassuring, it's a very difficult read about ALL the things that could go wrong with your baby and pregnancy, and, strangely enough, manages to convince the reader it's actually her fault.
From a stylistic point of view, I found the constant use of 'single quotation marks' extremely annoying to justify the generalisations made throughout this book. There is a sentence that begins 'let the healing begin', but all that followed were horror stories of when mothers got it completely wrong, but without reassuring the reader that there could have been other factors at play, or providing strategies to deal with the guilt. The authors just leave you hanging with the impression that the mother accepts her guilt, and that's it.
Definitely not one for any woman seeking reassurance, or contemplating a first pregnancy.
From a stylistic point of view, I found the constant use of 'single quotation marks' extremely annoying to justify the generalisations made throughout this book. There is a sentence that begins 'let the healing begin', but all that followed were horror stories of when mothers got it completely wrong, but without reassuring the reader that there could have been other factors at play, or providing strategies to deal with the guilt. The authors just leave you hanging with the impression that the mother accepts her guilt, and that's it.
Definitely not one for any woman seeking reassurance, or contemplating a first pregnancy.
November 7, 2009
This book is about the guilt mothers feel about their parenting decisions. If they work, then they are abandoning their children, if they care for the kids then they are abandoning their careers. If they bottle feed they should have been breastfeeding, if they breastfeed they should have weaned earlier or later. You get the idea.
This is a real problem - you just need to walk through any baby products store, read a parenting magazine, or speak to any mother! I hope this book was an honest attempt to start the conversation to try to reduce this burden of guilt associated with motherhood. However I worry that it is, like so many other products out there, is simply cashing in on parent's vunerability.
The methods the authors used are valid. Share real mother's experiences with a wider audience and discuss the author's own experiences. Show there is a wide range of what 'normal' is in parenting - and that a wide range of parental decisions are valid, and not worth feeling guilty about.
However I have some significant issues with this book.
Firstly it is claimed that fathers are immune from motherguilt. Really motherguilt is parent guilt. You just need to listen to the emotive lyrics of Cat's in the Cradle about a father's guilt and remorse about the lack of time he spent with his son growing up to learn that these issues transend gender. Father's are spared some of the key early guilt-generating decisions, we play a supporting role in ceasar/vaginal birth, drugs at the birth, breast/bottle. However they certainly are not immune from parental guilt!
The one exception to the blanket claim of no-guilt-for-fathers is when the father is the primary carer - in which case they are really the mother aren't they!!! Ahhh... No. They'd be fathers who are caring for their kids.
The next section that raised my ire was the section that blamed the media, in particular women's magazines, in promoting an unrealistic expectation of their post-baby bodies. Ita Buttrose a key role in developing, and profiting from, this celebrity-driven culture in women's and tabloid journalism since the 1970s as editor of Australian Women's Weekly, Cleo, and the Daily Telegraph and more recently on the board News Limited, as editor-at-large of OK! Magazine. The hypocrisy is astounding!
The lack of support the women interviewed in this book had is worrying - particularly from their partners.
The selection of women seems biased towards the social set of Ita and Penny (a GP in the most exclusive suburb in Australia). The way the Raising Children Network simply introduces "Russell, father of two" (ie Russell Crowe), "Jana, mother of Cornelius" (Jana Pittman) really highlights that these are just normal parents trying their best. This book on the other hand explains in great detail Wendy Harmer's waterfront mansion - and how they bought the surrounding houses so they had control of the neighbours - and dealing with their live-in nannies. It also explains how Kerry Packer paid for Ita's childcare expenses (at a time when women were being kicked out of jobs for getting married!). These details simply highlight the differences in issues between the average reader of this book, and the average person interviewed by the authors.
The medical advice provided by this book is shocking. Penny Adams is a GP, true, but she really has been concentrating on her media commitments for the last decade. She's sold her name (and medical degree) to basically anyone who'll give her money - Probiotics Yakult, Erectile Dysfunction, Dr Penny Adams’ Brain Trainer, a series of infomercials on TV, etc. The community nurse they interviewed constantly worried me with her comments - boasting that due to her knowledge and experience none of her patients had ever experienced post-natal depression was particularly worrying.
The section dealing with the influence of the media, particularly celebrity magazines on mother's body image post-birth really is disingenuous. Ita Buttrose was the editor of key Australian womens magazines (Cleo, Australian Women's Weekly) (1972-81), followed by tabloid newspapers (Daily Telegraph) and then on to the board of News Limited. Ita has thus been in a key position to influence/profit from the portrayal of celebrities in some of the key sources of tabloid gossip in Australia.
This is a real problem - you just need to walk through any baby products store, read a parenting magazine, or speak to any mother! I hope this book was an honest attempt to start the conversation to try to reduce this burden of guilt associated with motherhood. However I worry that it is, like so many other products out there, is simply cashing in on parent's vunerability.
The methods the authors used are valid. Share real mother's experiences with a wider audience and discuss the author's own experiences. Show there is a wide range of what 'normal' is in parenting - and that a wide range of parental decisions are valid, and not worth feeling guilty about.
However I have some significant issues with this book.
Firstly it is claimed that fathers are immune from motherguilt. Really motherguilt is parent guilt. You just need to listen to the emotive lyrics of Cat's in the Cradle about a father's guilt and remorse about the lack of time he spent with his son growing up to learn that these issues transend gender. Father's are spared some of the key early guilt-generating decisions, we play a supporting role in ceasar/vaginal birth, drugs at the birth, breast/bottle. However they certainly are not immune from parental guilt!
The one exception to the blanket claim of no-guilt-for-fathers is when the father is the primary carer - in which case they are really the mother aren't they!!! Ahhh... No. They'd be fathers who are caring for their kids.
The next section that raised my ire was the section that blamed the media, in particular women's magazines, in promoting an unrealistic expectation of their post-baby bodies. Ita Buttrose a key role in developing, and profiting from, this celebrity-driven culture in women's and tabloid journalism since the 1970s as editor of Australian Women's Weekly, Cleo, and the Daily Telegraph and more recently on the board News Limited, as editor-at-large of OK! Magazine. The hypocrisy is astounding!
The lack of support the women interviewed in this book had is worrying - particularly from their partners.
The selection of women seems biased towards the social set of Ita and Penny (a GP in the most exclusive suburb in Australia). The way the Raising Children Network simply introduces "Russell, father of two" (ie Russell Crowe), "Jana, mother of Cornelius" (Jana Pittman) really highlights that these are just normal parents trying their best. This book on the other hand explains in great detail Wendy Harmer's waterfront mansion - and how they bought the surrounding houses so they had control of the neighbours - and dealing with their live-in nannies. It also explains how Kerry Packer paid for Ita's childcare expenses (at a time when women were being kicked out of jobs for getting married!). These details simply highlight the differences in issues between the average reader of this book, and the average person interviewed by the authors.
The medical advice provided by this book is shocking. Penny Adams is a GP, true, but she really has been concentrating on her media commitments for the last decade. She's sold her name (and medical degree) to basically anyone who'll give her money - Probiotics Yakult, Erectile Dysfunction, Dr Penny Adams’ Brain Trainer, a series of infomercials on TV, etc. The community nurse they interviewed constantly worried me with her comments - boasting that due to her knowledge and experience none of her patients had ever experienced post-natal depression was particularly worrying.
The section dealing with the influence of the media, particularly celebrity magazines on mother's body image post-birth really is disingenuous. Ita Buttrose was the editor of key Australian womens magazines (Cleo, Australian Women's Weekly) (1972-81), followed by tabloid newspapers (Daily Telegraph) and then on to the board of News Limited. Ita has thus been in a key position to influence/profit from the portrayal of celebrities in some of the key sources of tabloid gossip in Australia.
April 18, 2011
Bit depressing actually..focuses on all the hard bits of trying to be a mother, career woman and partner all in one...
Displaying 1 - 3 of 3 reviews