Journeys

by Vicky Ferguson

Imagine a 12-year-old girl being told by society that she is displeasing to God and to the world because of who she is. This is where her journey begins. She grew up in the 1960s when being queer was, well, queer. Amidst the clamor of the voices of society, she learns to turn her collar to the wind and keep moving. She is determined to flee the dust and dampness of the closet which becomes her safe, albeit lonely, haven. In spite of closet dwelling, she manages to create a face to meet the faces that she meets along the way. Slowly cracking the door of the closet and peeping out becomes an ongoing endeavor. Finally, in defiance, she is able to throw open the closet door and walk out into the sunshine. The journey is scary and exciting and freeing.

Although we all have a journey from cradle to grave, they are all different as they reflect our individual beings. Won’t you journey with me for a space of time?

144 pages, Paperback

Published October 13, 2023

Reviews

[Randy Fair · Rating 5 out of 5]

Ferguson’s collection of poems does indeed take the reader on Journeys through the various emotions possible in a life that has been lived fully. The first poem, “The Poet Gives the Poem,” sets the reader up for this roller coaster of emotions: “Able to feel more deeply/ To see more clearly/ Than the masses of stone faced men/ Who turn their eyes/ Inward upon stone hearts/ Devoid of humanity.” With this declaration of freedom from restraint, the poems in this collection take the reader ever deeper into the poet’s discovery of the self.
One example is the Whitmanesque, “Closet Dwellers.” We blush along with the poet as she discovers her sexuality, “Adolescent girls/ Yearn to glimpse the jungle/ Offering pleasure.” We feel empathy with the poet when she discovers that these pleasurable thoughts must remain hidden from the world: “Wearing two masks/ One for them/ Disguising our queerness/ And/ One for us/ Hiding from ourselves.” We rejoice when the poet comes to understand the beauty of living a life out of the shadows, “Here I am/ Come out/ To see the world/ Come out/ Unafraid.”
Other poems dazzle us with their simplicity like “Paradise Found”: “Welcome to our sanity/ Where no one/ Expects us/ To solve their problems/ Have all the answers/ Make it all run smoothly.”
Surprisingly, some of the darkest emotions in the collection are contained in the section, “Journey to Parenthood.” This section does not sugar coat the joys of being a parent, but delves into the complexities of the parent/child relationship: “Instead I come/ My body bloodied/ My shield laid down/ Begging your forgiveness.”
The search for spiritual truth in the section, “Journeys to God,” is specific in its references to Christianity, but still offers universal truths that people who embrace any form of spirituality or none at all can embrace: “And so it is, that I must write/ or my soul will dry up and blow/ in the winds.”
For me personally, the section “Journeys with Sister Women,” contained some of the most poignant passages. The poem, “Separate Flights,” was my favorite of the entire collection. Its wistful tone is so universal that it is hard to imagine anyone who has ever loved not seeing themselves in the poem’s lyrical beauty: Memories/ Not cloaked in sadness/ Not black and bitter/ Or wrapped in hate…”
While the poems in the section, “Journeys to Death,” often focus on specific people who are close to the poet, the reader can connect to these passings in a familiar way: “Still we journeyed/ To sit and wait/ Watching for the stranger/ While silently praying for a miracle.”
This collection was so sweeping in its embrace of all the emotions that make us human that is hard to find any area of life that isn’t touched on. Through it all, we see repeated underlying themes, and we find ourselves agreeing with Ferguson, “It is hard to keep track of love.”