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Bent is not broken
To anyone who has ever felt alienated or out of place. To anyone who has felt the need to hide behind a mask. To anyone who has ever felt different, or fragile, or a bit too close to breaking: this book’s for you.
Through a combination of memoir, interviews, and research, M.J. Buckman explores LGBT+ life through the ages and looks at what it can teach us today about tolerance, inclusivity, and sheer joy.
In the 1980s, M.J. thrived in London’s gay subculture. Being a fag hag was fun, exciting, and all-consuming. But, amongst all her ‘bent’ friends trying to find themselves, was she losing herself instead?
M.J. believed that everyone was constantly blighted by severe anxiety, and that they were just much better than her at dealing with it. She must be the odd one out because she struggled to cope.
Now turning sixty, M.J. looks back on that time and the journey she has taken to have a stronger and healthier relationship with herself. Through interviews with LGBT+ people of all ages, she explores the pain of being on the outside and the wonder of finding your tribe.
Blending these personal histories with a deep exploration of how society has represented LGBT+ people throughout history, M.J. creates an uplifting and impassioned book that unveils the importance of accepting ourselves and each other. In today’s world, where many LGBT+ people still struggle to be themselves and hate speech is on the rise, the need to stand up and be counted as an ally is as strong as ever.
This book is about the human spirit: flawed but able to cope, different from others but accepting ourselves, fearful of adversity, but somehow finding the inner resources to be true to who we are. Bent, but not broken.
Through a combination of memoir, interviews, and research, M.J. Buckman explores LGBT+ life through the ages and looks at what it can teach us today about tolerance, inclusivity, and sheer joy.
In the 1980s, M.J. thrived in London’s gay subculture. Being a fag hag was fun, exciting, and all-consuming. But, amongst all her ‘bent’ friends trying to find themselves, was she losing herself instead?
M.J. believed that everyone was constantly blighted by severe anxiety, and that they were just much better than her at dealing with it. She must be the odd one out because she struggled to cope.
Now turning sixty, M.J. looks back on that time and the journey she has taken to have a stronger and healthier relationship with herself. Through interviews with LGBT+ people of all ages, she explores the pain of being on the outside and the wonder of finding your tribe.
Blending these personal histories with a deep exploration of how society has represented LGBT+ people throughout history, M.J. creates an uplifting and impassioned book that unveils the importance of accepting ourselves and each other. In today’s world, where many LGBT+ people still struggle to be themselves and hate speech is on the rise, the need to stand up and be counted as an ally is as strong as ever.
This book is about the human spirit: flawed but able to cope, different from others but accepting ourselves, fearful of adversity, but somehow finding the inner resources to be true to who we are. Bent, but not broken.
361 pages, Kindle Edition
Published November 1, 2023
6 people are currently reading
19 people want to read
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Displaying 1 - 13 of 13 reviews
September 21, 2023
Wow! What a fantastic read, not only do you get M J Buckman's honest and beautifully written personal account of what it feels like to grow up believing that you don't belong and aren't understood, but trying your best to fit in despite the cost to yourself. You also get her well researched insight into the roots of some of the major issues facing the LGBT+ community supported by many interviews with her friends in the LGBT+ community offering their own experiences of feeling like an outsider in the hope that it raises awareness, understanding and compassion.
It's a traumatic roller coaster of a life with a heartbreaking but heartwarming climax that could leave you in tears, highly recommended.
It's a traumatic roller coaster of a life with a heartbreaking but heartwarming climax that could leave you in tears, highly recommended.
September 20, 2023
Brilliant! This is both a very entertaining read and an extremely informative one. M. J. Buckman combines impeccable research with honest, gripping personal stories, to provide unique insights into the lives of gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgendered people. The additional voice, which up until now, has not been fully explored, is the voice of a heterosexual woman whose life has been strongly influenced by association with members of the LGBTQIA+ communities. The ‘Fag Hag’ of the title is perhaps the most compelling voice amongst the threads of compelling voices that have been woven together to create a powerful, educational and deeply moving book.
July 11, 2024
The recurring theme for Em Buckman’s book Bent is Not Broken is overcoming adversity. It’s a coming-of-age book with a bite, no prom queens here but still highly inspirational none the less. The book is part memoir, part information and comprise of interviews with twenty-four people from the LGBT+ community. It is highly comprehensive and delves deeply into the topics it explores. It is clear from the onset that a lot of work, love and tears have gone into writing this book.
The book is about a young girl who struggles to find herself and her worth. She forges strong friendships in the LGBT+ community as an ally and paints their world as fun, boundary pushing, theatrical and flamboyant. I could not help but become immerse in it.
Buckman faces a series of challenges that any one of them would have warranted writing its own book. At one point I thought, “Geeze how much can misfortune befell one person?” Until Buckman discovers her self-worth, the pattern of belittling, bullying and taking advantage of her continues. At so many points in my reading, I wanted to reach into the book and pull her out of her situations, I became that invested in her character.
LGBT+ like any other community has kind people and unkind people. Buckman becomes the subject of bullying and mental health issues ensues. Her mental health issues plague her life, even looking to take it. It was only in her fifties that she finds the courage to confront her issues by going public with it to family and friends so that she could get better care and support. It’s not easy to expose one’s vulnerabilities but Buckman did it.
The book is about a young girl who struggles to find herself and her worth. She forges strong friendships in the LGBT+ community as an ally and paints their world as fun, boundary pushing, theatrical and flamboyant. I could not help but become immerse in it.
Buckman faces a series of challenges that any one of them would have warranted writing its own book. At one point I thought, “Geeze how much can misfortune befell one person?” Until Buckman discovers her self-worth, the pattern of belittling, bullying and taking advantage of her continues. At so many points in my reading, I wanted to reach into the book and pull her out of her situations, I became that invested in her character.
LGBT+ like any other community has kind people and unkind people. Buckman becomes the subject of bullying and mental health issues ensues. Her mental health issues plague her life, even looking to take it. It was only in her fifties that she finds the courage to confront her issues by going public with it to family and friends so that she could get better care and support. It’s not easy to expose one’s vulnerabilities but Buckman did it.
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September 20, 2023If you are an ally you should read this book. I am both emotionally invested in it and intellectually stimulated at the same time. It is an essential read for anyone who knows a gay or lesbian person, is one, is a parent to one, or otherwise related to one, who wants to become one, or is just interested!
November 20, 2024
Overall this book is interesting in a number of ways. It’s an account of the LGBTQ+ lifestyle and cultural movement in 1980’s England (primarily in London), written, intriguingly, by a cishet woman to lovingly refers to herself as a “fag hag”. The book also covers at length the mental health struggles of the author and how they have impacted her life and relationships with those in the LGBTQ+ community and outside it. It’s written in a cross-disciplinary style and utilizes elements from memoir, historical narratives, and academic studies.
Because of the cross-disciplinary nature, the voice tends to jump back and forth between personal and casual—almost like reading through a diary—to the distanced voice of an academic reporting research findings. In general, this isn’t a problem, but it did take some getting used to. I do wish there were citations in the sections of the book that refer to studies, etc. for people like me who are curious to learn more or to assuage the audience who might be quicker to criticize or question.
One difficulty is that there were a lot of people to keep track of throughout the book, both in the memoir sections where the author reflects on her youth with her group of friends and experience in the subculture, and in the present day interviewees who share their own stories. If you can keep them all straight, it’s possible to track individual stories and where they’re woven together amid the bigger cultural and political shift that was happening.
This book pulls inclusivity into question within the LGBTQ+ community as it analyzes the culture from an insider and yet, straight, perspective. It seems to challenge any perceived gatekeeping in the community, claiming a place through allyship.
Because of the cross-disciplinary nature, the voice tends to jump back and forth between personal and casual—almost like reading through a diary—to the distanced voice of an academic reporting research findings. In general, this isn’t a problem, but it did take some getting used to. I do wish there were citations in the sections of the book that refer to studies, etc. for people like me who are curious to learn more or to assuage the audience who might be quicker to criticize or question.
One difficulty is that there were a lot of people to keep track of throughout the book, both in the memoir sections where the author reflects on her youth with her group of friends and experience in the subculture, and in the present day interviewees who share their own stories. If you can keep them all straight, it’s possible to track individual stories and where they’re woven together amid the bigger cultural and political shift that was happening.
This book pulls inclusivity into question within the LGBTQ+ community as it analyzes the culture from an insider and yet, straight, perspective. It seems to challenge any perceived gatekeeping in the community, claiming a place through allyship.
September 20, 2023
This is such a moving, compassionate book. It weaves together scenes from the author's life with interviews and research into so many different topics, but somehow these strands all come together to produce a warm, gentle, and uplifting message.
September 20, 2023
Both informative and entertaining, this book will appeal to anyone and everyone. Honest responses to current issues, and past experiences, from members of the LGBT+ community combined with the author's personal account of being a faghag in the 90s, deliver a fascinating and enlightening read.
September 27, 2023
A very insightful book which both educated and delighted me. Wonderful to have a mix of history along with LGBT existence through the eras also with an endearing personal story of an LGBT ally.
Highly recommend.
Highly recommend.
September 20, 2023
This book gives a personal account of the author’s life supporting and championing the LGBTQ + community : Em writes with warmth and insight. Highly recommended for all.
September 20, 2023
Memoirs from a fag hag, turned ally. Full of honesty and compassion. Would recommend to anyone who's wanting to come out, or wanting to be a better ally.
September 20, 2023
Honest, open, thought-provoking and insightful. A book written from the heart which invites the reader into relationships both with the author and those who appear within it.
September 22, 2023
A beautiful and expansive account of not just LGBTQ issues but human struggle and triumph in general.
September 25, 2023
Moving, forthright, honest, courageous and enlightening. A beautiful book written by a beautiful soul, and inspirational on many levels.
Displaying 1 - 13 of 13 reviews