The Babylon Bee Guide to Gender

Babylon Bee Guide

by Kyle Mann

From the satirical minds behind the viral sensation The Babylon Bee comes the latest installment of its guide series. This looks at the two "original gangsta" genders—male and female—shows us the progressively insane slide into the multiplying number of genders that has lately been spiraling out of control.

The third entry in the bestselling Babylon Bee Guide series explores the whole colorful rainbow of genders. Men! Women! And millions more! Featuring gorgeous custom artwork, infographics, charts, and interactive features, every page will catch the eye with hilarious observations about the differences between the two original genders and all the new ones we’ve just recently made up.

Features will

Through The Babylon Bee’s patented satirical voice, this book will tell you everything you need to learn about gender identity, transgenderism, and biological sex. Use it to teach your kids before their first-grade teacher does!!

Genres: Humor, Fiction, Satire

5 pages, Audiobook

Published September 19, 2023

Reviews

[Rev Reads · Rating 5 out of 5]

It's a book that's funny. Brings back good old fashioned humor where we can pick on some of the comical differences between man and woman. But at times it's hard to read because you know this is going to hurt feelings, hurt some hard. But it might be their most important book because for the health of our youth, we need to go back to a society that sees men becoming women and women becoming men as something ridiculous that no one should even consider.

[Kenzie · Rating 5 out of 5]

Good satire!

[Jeff Koloze · Rating 4 out of 5]

The Babylon Bee Guide to Gender is the perfect Hanukkah and Christmas gift for LGBTQ zealots who would rather murder you instead of argue for their distortion of heterosexual normativity.

Ordinary people (you know, the only two genders on the planet called “men” and “women”) will laugh, often hysterically, at the Bee’s reduction of the idiocies of gender zealots to quick one-liners or strings of memorable verbal phrases. It is simultaneously most unfortunate that those who have been infected with gender ideology by leftist, anti-American, anti-Semitic, and woke weakling professors who want to make a name for themselves by talking about gender, gender, and more gender will believe the sorry shit the Bee is mocking.

(Sorry for the string of adjectives before “professors”; I know they’re repetitive concepts, being terms denoting people who want to kill fellow human beings.)

However, disregarding the pains of those who suffer from gender ideology for the moment, the humor in the book is substantial. Consider the following quotes:

Gender is “whatever we want it to be, and it's never what we don't not not want it to be” (4). Wha-what? That’s the point, though; since gender ideology is not based on rational science, trying to state its tenets yields as irrational language as any verbal tongue-twister.

“A key concept we’ll be discussing throughout this book is the core difference between the fluid, imagination-driven concept of gender identity and things that try to make us question our gender identity—bigoted, hateful things such as ‘reality,’ ‘facts,’ and most importantly biology (7).

“If they can't tell at a glance that you are a non-cisconforming fairy-bodied triosoul, they obviously hate you, and the only thing you can do both for their benefit and for the forwarding of culture is to proverbially smash them into the ground with charges of hate speech, microaggression, macroaggression, misogyny, misandry, homophobia, transphobia, sexism, and possibly even racism. Did I say ‘possibly racism’? I meant ‘definitely racism.’ Always racism” (10).

“'Maleness’ only exists as a spiritual force of political oppression that can manifest itself in all kinds of bodies, no matter what the genetics say” (17).

“Men are a dark force of unbalanced power that must be neutralized at all costs. They are the main cause of all the bad things, such as global warming, racism, climate change, and global warming. The evil force of manhood can take the form of a man, woman, or Brian Stelter” (30). The repetition of “global warming”, I suspect, is deliberate to illustrate that gender zealots merely repeat themselves needlessly because they are not critical thinkers of a valid philosophy.

Margaret Sanger is correctly described as “the feminist and women's rights activist who was indirectly responsible for one of humanity's greatest achievements: baby murder. Sanger notably also inspired the charismatic world leader Adolf H. Don't worry about his last name. It's not important” (50).

Regarding pronouns: “And if you're not on our side, we will punch you in your ignorant, bigoted, and probably white face. We will win this war. Join us or die, infidel!” (67).

“Pride is loving who you are despite what others may think, and also attempting to force others to think in the exact same way as you; otherwise, they are fascist aggressors who literally want you to die, and they should die themselves unless they change their beliefs” (129).

Political activism is defined as “the act of intimidating and terrorizing elected officials into passing laws to officially recognize gender ideology as the law of the land. If we don't do this, politicians will turn this country into The Handmaid's Tale and hunt down trans people for sport” (190).

Universities “cost $200k a year and turn kids into obedient gender activists with highly effective slogan-repeating skills and second-to-none demonic screams” (199).

Other items in the work provide more of the Bee’s inimitable comedic commentary: a chart on inventing a gender (58), Pride flags (61-2), replacing family traditions like “sitting around the campfire” with “sitting around the burning police station” (99), how a woman can attract a man (“Show up at his front door barefoot, wearing a housewife dress, holding a load of fresh bread, and offer to bear his children. Subtle!”) (107), a “Gender-Sensitive Pickup Line Generator” table (115), commentary on “The Church of Gender” (119ff), an analysis of woke corporations (146ff), “The Twenty-Five Step Process to Changing Your Gender” (162-7), and the gender glossary (210ff), wherein “biology” is defined as “hate speech” (211).

Finally, since Amazon collaborates with cancel culture and woke zealots and bans conservative and pro-life books, buy this book directly from the publisher:
https://shop.babylonbee.com/products/...

[Sara Johnson · Rating 5 out of 5]

Another fabulous book from the boys at the Bee!
Finally, a compass to help wade through the shark, "shook," and shill-infested waters of modern sexuality.

Our current culture is dominated by an infantile, self-important, competitive streak to see who can be the most ragey, rare, rainbow shade of crazy. Sexuality/gender has become a curated bubble of the mind that constantly spews forth inconsistent, incoherent self-revelations and congratulations while allowing zero light or logic to penetrate within...

"Queer theory" is, in the words of the eminent philosopher, Ouiser Boudreaux, a "boil on the butt of humanity..."--best lanced by ridicule and mockery, scraped of its foul crust with sharp comparisons and undeniable truths, and joyfully drained of its poison puss. The Bee's Guide to Gender accomplishes this.

Let the healing begin.

Get this book if you have teenagers.
Set it out on the coffee table.
Be "caught" reading and laughing.
Boom. Seeds of sanity planted forthwith.

[Miriam Jean · Rating 5 out of 5]

Out of all three Babylon Bee guides, this one might have to be my favorite. In twelve chapters, it covers everything you’d want to know about gender, along with serving as a step-by-step guide to changing it.

It’s intended to be hilarious, and absolutely is. But I love more than anything else that it’s a perfect mockery of the logic used in the gender movement. It doesn’t make any sense, and the Babylon Bee Guide to Gender pulls no punches proving it.

The drawings add hilarious depth and the charts and diagrams are ridiculous, and it’s amazing. The Reflect & Apply pages and the gender and pickup line generators are absolutely the icing on the cake, along with the not-so-veiled, perfectly-woven references to everything from Dylan Mulvaney to George Orwell’s 1984. I laughed out loud at several lines, starting right at the introduction- it’s clear from the beginning that

While sometimes a sad reminder of the fact that the Babylon Bee really is no longer satire half the time, it was also an extremely comforting book. In a deeper sense, it was a reminder that not everyone in the world is crazy, but it was also just really, really fun. I needed a break, and this book certainly provided it.

I eagerly await The Babylon Bee Guide to Yodel Boy ;)

[Kaitlyn Foreman · Rating 5 out of 5]

I wish I could give this book 10 stars but that’s not an option. This was a bittersweet end; I’m sad to see the end of it but my stomach is grateful that I won’t be laughing so hard anymore and give it a break. After finishing this book i am in dire need of every book that the Babylon bee has written and need all their guides.

If you are looking for a hilarious book that shows the flaws and how absurd gender theory is, this book is for you.

[MPauzer]

I’m not sure if I am more embarrassed or proud. The Babylon Bee Guide to Gender provided a peek under the tent into an alien world, a world that I live in but have been mostly blind to seeing or understanding clearly. As I turned the soulless pages, I could recognize scenes and events that I unintentionally brush against during the daily traversing through life. Other scenes and especially terms were truly alien if not bizarre. At first, shame was evoked in witnessing my own naiveté of cultural events. Upon further reflection, I felt a sense of satisfaction that I was indeed reading about experiences and observations that are not part of my life. Embarrassment morphed into pride (no pun intended). Books are often a vehicle for looking into one’s own psyche and reevaluating one’s life. This Guide did just that for me. The result of the introspection was a reaffirmation that the inmates are indeed running the asylum and I was outside peeking in through the soiled window. The Bee is now famous for its wit and satirical musings. I am a fan. This Guide is on par with their other tomes about Democracy and Wokeness. It’s written in a lighthearted way but addresses very serious issues, the existence of which are harbingers of a dystopian future. Read it, you’ll smile at times but mostly cringe at the happenings inside the multicolored tent.

[Hannah Jo · Rating 3 out of 5]

Funny!

[ARMEL COATES ANDRADA · Rating 5 out of 5]

The book, The Babylon Bee Guide to Gender, is a satirical look at contemporary society’s confusion over the question of gender. Since God determined and declared gender to be Male and female; humanity found another way of rebelling against God’s commands, namely: to make the simple as complicated as possible. To add multiple variations of the basic two types.
The book, The Babylon Bee Guide to Gender, is patterned as a typical Bible study guide. The lesson is presented first then questions for self-reflection are in every chapter. This system is an effective way to present the ridiculousness of the politicized-gender idea. The book does not dictate to its readers what to think but allows the readers to think for themselves which ideas are good and bad.
My favorite chapter is “Gender & Family.” This is the institution made by God that people are rebelling against and is the root of all this gender nonsense. This paragraph succinctly presents that idea:
“The nuclear family is one of the deadliest things on earth. That should be obvious—it has the word
“nuclear” right there in the name. It is a despicable construct of oppression, whiteness, patriarchy,
and white patriarchal oppression…[created by] the Oppressive Patriarch in the Sky (aka GOD)”
This book will help a non-woke person (i.e. a person with a sense of humor) who’s trying to make sense of the infinite gender spectrum and not just blindly complying with the internet which became the de facto default of every person’s opinion template. This satirical book accomplishes its purpose: to present the irrationality of an idea through mockery and allow the readers to decide whether these ideas are to be kept or to be dismissed in the dustbin of history.

[Nick Olson · Rating 5 out of 5]

The people of The Babylon Bee are kings of brilliant biting satire. They're also hilarious. The 'Guide to Gender' provides a deep dive answering such questions as “What is Gender?”, “What is a Man?”, “What is a Woman?”, “How do I Gender?”, and “How can I mold the world to fit my Perverted Delusions?”. This book shines a spotlight on, and a mirror in front of, one of the most prevalent issues today. The glaring satirical spotlight shows the perversion and madness of modern gender ideology. The mirror reflects the same right back at it's supporters. No one likes to look foolish or to have their foolishness replayed back for them. The Babylon Bee's satirical dismantling of modern gender ideology expertly tackles the issue point by point, and does so with a good deal of humor (and many helpful illustrations). The plan behind the modern gender ideology movement is to tear down the good and wholesome foundations holding up our society and replace them with anything that looks different than what was there before. To quote a passage from the book:

“What they don’t know is that when we say “family friendly,” we mean “nontraditional family friendly.” In other words, “family friendly” is best understood as “friendly to whatever nontraditional perversion or disgusting kink we can come up with.” Sneaky! This is how progress is made!” (P. 96)

With the humor and wit we've come to expect from The Babylon Bee, this book will inform and entertain you thoroughly. And you might just feel a little bit better about the world too.

[Brian Lewis · Rating 5 out of 5]

The latest Guide from the Babylon Bee is here! Following the Guide to Wokeness and Guide to Democracy, we now have the Babylon Bee Guide to Gender.

Gender, a word formerly used as a synonym for one's biological sex (as opposed as the act of sex), has been hijacked. It now has a trendy (albeit mindless) definition of being a social construct. Not surprisingly, this definition was created by people who are perpetually looking for something at which to take offense. If you don't agree with their imaginary social construct, and if you don't address them by the ridiculous pronouns they have chosen, there is no limit to the amount of offense they can take.

If you've read this far, chances are you agree that "gender as a social construct" is mindless drivel that deserves to be ridiculed. While showing humorous ways you can play along with those with gender confusion, the Guide to Gender mercilessly skewers the entire concept of gender as a social construct. With many laugh-out-loud moments, this book is an indispensable antidote to the seriousness of the gender pretenders.

The Babylon Bee Guide to Gender is a dose of sanity, wrapped in humor, for coping with a gender-insane world.

[George Hamontree III · Rating 5 out of 5]

Highly recommend! The Babylon Bee Guide to Gender is brilliantly written and illustrated. The satire is wonderfully woven in creative humor, and the absurd reality of what is actually happening in various sectors of our culture. The Guide is full of graphics, cartoons, caricatures, and illustrations which are very simple and basic, but capture the essence of the points being delivered. The team that put this Guide together have an incredible sense of humor and imagination that requires the reader to evaluate even the smallest subtleties to catch 2nd and 3rd order effects. Informative is not a word I normally associate with the Bee’s books, but this Guide does bring to light eye-opening information about taboo topics like how men can be pregnant, which is also illustrated. When the Guide makes an absurd statement followed by “Don’t Look it up”, that is the cue to put the book down, stop giggling, and start googling. Each chapter concludes with a “Reflect & Apply” section that allows the reader to write in the book, so you may want to order multiple copies for others to read. If you like the Bee’s style of writing, this book will definitely entertain and inform.

[Jimmy Stewart · Rating 5 out of 5]

I'm just a country boy up the dirt road in the sticks. I thought biological sex and gender were the same exact thing! Boy was I wrong, all that college biology and animal husbandry was wasted time.
So glad the Babylon Bee could set me straight or cis. Worst then my prideful farm knowledge was my grammar. I was using at least 79 pronouns wrongly.
If you're a hermit or live in the boonies you need this book to get informed. If unexpected belly laughs rolling on the floor is what you need the Bee has you ticket. This book really Woke me up!

[Cindy · Rating 5 out of 5]

It’s a sad commentary on the state of our society that a book like The Babylon Bee Guide To Gender is even necessary, but here we are. Fortunately, we still have right-thinking people who are willing to shine a light on the madness and expose it for what it is. And the fact that this book does this in such a hilarious and creative way is icing on the cake. Everyone who cares about restoring sanity to the topic of human genders should read it, take pride in being able to scoff at the insanity, then pass it on, so others can join them.

[Steven S. · Rating 5 out of 5]

Hilarious and frightening

I shudder to think of all the nonsense Kyle Mann had to immerse himself in to both define, reverse-define and mock the concept of genderism so prevalent today. I don't even know how many times I thought "That's a good one!" as I read the ridiculous comments that so many take as gospel today. Fortunately, there is a Gospel that gives us the actual truth in an actual authoritative document written by the final Authority to Whom we must all give an account.

[Chris Glowacki · Rating 4 out of 5]

As a recently identifying Katana-wielding mullet-curious tater tot, I must admit to being deeply impressed at such a brilliant distillation of such a pathological ideology.

I laugh because it is a painfully accurate description of the current state of gender narcissism afflicting the modern world.

I cry because it is a painfully accurate description of the current state of gender narcissism afflicting the modern world.

A fine companion to their guide on Wokeness.

[David Brandon · Rating 5 out of 5]

Delving into one of the most heated topics of our era, the Babylon Bee brings levity and satirical clarity to the discussion. I appreciate their boldness in high listing the absurdities of gender in todays modern discourse. The illustrations are fun and lent to this book being a fast and enjoyable read overall. I found myself wrapping up the book looking forward to seeing what the creative endeavor from the Bee will be.

[Ethan West · Rating 5 out of 5]

The Babylon Bee just released a new book called "The Babylon Bee Guide to the Apocalypse". I'm cheap so I requested it from the library and it will take a while to come in. In the meantime, I forgot that I had not read "The Babylon Bee Guide to Gender". It's freaking hilarious. It's all the things that woke people are saying but without saying. It's the logical conclusion if you walk out their beliefs. Sacred cow sacrificed.

[Amber · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is a review of the ARC.

The Babylon Bee never disappoints! If looking down doesn't fix your gender confusion, this book will help you discover your new self. There are plenty of hands-on activities to help even the youngest of kids to feel confused about their gender. Just what this country needs!

[Thomas · Rating 5 out of 5]

This may be the single most important satirical writing about gender ever produced. I laughed, I cried, I changed my gender 6 times.

This book is incredibly educational but teaches you in a good humored way that keeps you engaged to the very end.

I loved the journal entries at the end of each chapter that helped me to see how I progressed as my knowledge about gender, which was virtually ZERO before reading this book, increased.

I recommend this book for anyone who wants to know more about the transgender issue that has taken America by storm.

[Brian C. · Rating 5 out of 5]

Once again, The Babylon Bee hits a home run. True, annoying, and hilarious at the same time. In this case, reality is more absurd than satire, but the satire sure makes you laugh whereas focusing on the reality makes you despair. A must read.

[Mark Ramsden · Rating 5 out of 5]

'One of the awesome things about living in the current year is that we leftists completely own
Hollywood and the entire entertainment industry. It’s a tiny perk of being such a persecuted minority with no cultural power.'

More pitch perfect satire of identity politics duplicity: "women are strong and powerful and rule the world but are also helpless victims of oppression."

I was in favour of the first two sexual revelations I lived through. Then they came for the children.

If you're on Team Reality this is an essential purchase.

Hilarious. All too true. Wish it weren't. But it is.
I received an advance copy for an honest review.

[Reader · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book changed my life!

This book made me laugh, and it made me cry. I learned so much about what gender theorists believe. This was informative, educational, and incredibly humorous. I now better understand my liberal neighbors way of thinking.

[Anthony Smitha · Rating 5 out of 5]

It is a very solid book. I found it funny in many places and scary in others, due to how far satire has to be taken in order to remain satire and not actual fact. It’s representative of the world that we live in.

[Rhonda · Rating 4 out of 5]

It's satire at its best. Or, is it satire? Too close to the truth to tell!

[Tammy · Rating 5 out of 5]

Worth every penny!

They always knock it out of the park. I’m not sure how they come up with this stuff but so on point, funny, and brilliant!

[Karen · Rating 4 out of 5]

Hilarious!!! Well done job making fun of the absurd by being absurd.

[Beverly · Rating 5 out of 5]

I laughed, I cried, I decided to keep the gender I was born with.

[Drew · Rating 4 out of 5]

Quick and goofy satire, written as a mock manifesto. It got some laughs from me.

[Brandon Carter · Rating 3 out of 5]

Good for lots of chuckles, but I never really got the belly laugh I was looking for. Their “Guide to Wokeness” was better.

Also, I now identify as a Yodel Boy.