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Nice Girls Don't Change the World: Reclaiming the Unique Gifts God Gave You
Margaret Mead “Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world.” My version of that quote “Never doubt that a community of thoughtful, committed women, filled with the power and love of God, using gifts they have identified and developed, and pursuing passionsplanted in them by God—never doubt that these women can change the world.”—Lynne HybelsNice Girls are taught early that serving God means earning God’s love and sacrificing oneself to meet the needs of others. Unfortunately, after living a life she thought was what God demanded, her husband wanted, her kids needed, and her church expected, Lynne Hybels felt utterly lost—both to herself and to God.In this wise and tender book, Hybels tells of her struggle to stop living someone else’s life and to reclaim the unique gifts, strengths, and passions God gave her. And she reveals how turning away from her false view ofGod as a harsh and demanding taskmaster enabled her to rest at last in God’s sustaining love. As she explains, it’s never too late to discover that who you really are is exactly what delights God and what the world needs.
97 pages, Kindle Edition
First published January 1, 2005
8 people are currently reading
449 people want to read
About the author
Lynne Hybels
23 books5 followersSince 1975, when Lynne & Bill Hybels started Willow Creek Community Church, Lynne has been an active volunteer at the church. For the last twenty years she has engaged in ministry partnerships in under-resourced communities in Latin America and Africa, and has advocated for Comprehensive Immigration Reform on behalf of the hundreds of undocumented immigrants who call Willow Creek their church home.
Since 2009 Lynne has been actively trying to learn what it means to follow Jesus into places of conflict. In the Democratic Republic of Congo, where the deadliest conflict since WWII still rages, she has partnered with local churches that are caring for women who have been brutally raped, and are initiating grassroots peacemaking efforts in their villages. In Israel-Palestine she hosts groups of American Christians who want to learn from Jews, Muslims and Christians—Israelis and Palestinians—who are working for dignity, security and freedom for all the people in the Holy Land. Lynne also raises awareness and funds to empower followers of Jesus in the Middle East who are serving Syrian refugees and displaced Iraqis.
Lynne and Bill have two grown children, Shauna and Todd, one son-in-law, Aaron Niequist, and two grandsons, Henry and Mac, who run the family.
Since 2009 Lynne has been actively trying to learn what it means to follow Jesus into places of conflict. In the Democratic Republic of Congo, where the deadliest conflict since WWII still rages, she has partnered with local churches that are caring for women who have been brutally raped, and are initiating grassroots peacemaking efforts in their villages. In Israel-Palestine she hosts groups of American Christians who want to learn from Jews, Muslims and Christians—Israelis and Palestinians—who are working for dignity, security and freedom for all the people in the Holy Land. Lynne also raises awareness and funds to empower followers of Jesus in the Middle East who are serving Syrian refugees and displaced Iraqis.
Lynne and Bill have two grown children, Shauna and Todd, one son-in-law, Aaron Niequist, and two grandsons, Henry and Mac, who run the family.
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 62 reviews
February 8, 2023
My counselor recommended this book to me. I wanted to start it before I could get it in the mail and it was only a 45 minutes listen on Hoopla. I wrote so many quotes down, but these two were most impactful to me.
“I thought denying my gifts and passions was part of what it meant “to die to self” as Scripture requires. I didn’t realize that there is a difference in dying to self will and dying to the self God created me to be”
“When fear says, “you are going to disappoint people so badly” I say, “well maybe so, but I guess I’d rather take the risk of disappointing people by not being good enough than disappoint God by not being brave enough””
“I thought denying my gifts and passions was part of what it meant “to die to self” as Scripture requires. I didn’t realize that there is a difference in dying to self will and dying to the self God created me to be”
“When fear says, “you are going to disappoint people so badly” I say, “well maybe so, but I guess I’d rather take the risk of disappointing people by not being good enough than disappoint God by not being brave enough””
October 29, 2013
Very simple book. Lynne Hybels speaks from the heart. I read it in a matter of hours but know that this is a book which I will want to return to time and time and again to really grasp and take to heart all the gems inside it.
June 13, 2015
Nice girls don't change the world is Lynne Hybels' autobiographical account of changing from a people pleaser to a woman of faith and action. Lynne grew up believing in a demanding, unpleasable God, even though intellectually she knew God was a God of love and grace. However in her heart she felt she had to try hard to earn his love and atone for her misdeeds.
In her late thirties she became seriously depressed and no longer had the energy to work at pleasing God or anyone else. She saw a counsellor who helped her work through many issues. It was a long journey of self-discovery and renewal of her relationship with God to a more Biblically accurate understanding of God.
There was much in this book I relate to. Growing up in the 60's and 70's women were only beginning to receive recognition in the work force. The expectation was still for women to be wives and mothers who supported their husbands and children with little regard for their own personal gifting and skills. It is hard to break the status quo and pursue interests in areas where women are not always welcome.
Lynne's story is a great encouragement to older women who feel they have nothing to offer or are fearful of stepping out into something new. It is a well-written book, easy to read and quite moving.
A good read.
In her late thirties she became seriously depressed and no longer had the energy to work at pleasing God or anyone else. She saw a counsellor who helped her work through many issues. It was a long journey of self-discovery and renewal of her relationship with God to a more Biblically accurate understanding of God.
There was much in this book I relate to. Growing up in the 60's and 70's women were only beginning to receive recognition in the work force. The expectation was still for women to be wives and mothers who supported their husbands and children with little regard for their own personal gifting and skills. It is hard to break the status quo and pursue interests in areas where women are not always welcome.
Lynne's story is a great encouragement to older women who feel they have nothing to offer or are fearful of stepping out into something new. It is a well-written book, easy to read and quite moving.
A good read.
April 29, 2024
This book read more like a personal therapy session than an actual book. Jump to the last 10 pages; that’s worth reading.
December 20, 2015
Read this book in one sitting, it's a slim book, that honestly reveals, briefly, the author's struggles to overcome her desire to please people and to work doing what a "good girl" should to a woman who wants to only please God, and live bravely. It reads mostly as an encouragement and a conversation starter with a few practical tips thrown in. Because of its brevity, it didn't pack a super powerful punch for me. My favorite portion was the last few pages where she gave examples of scripture that she would pray over to overcome some of the other voices in her monologue.
June 15, 2012
Wow. I recently finished a book entitled 'Holy Spirit, My #1 Mentor' and was led to find this book from my piles of books to read and wow! What a great book! I grew up with the same belief system as the author and have been un-learning some beliefs and have been getting to know my true Heavenly Father and His deep unconditional love for me. This book inspires me to keep seeking God and His will for my life!
April 5, 2009
Amazing truths in this book! I really appreciated her candor. It was like she was writing about my story and my journey. One of my favorite quotes is:...."the opposite of a nice girl is not just a good woman, but a downright dangerous woman. A woman who shows up with everything she is and joins the battle against whatever opposes the redeeming work of God in our lives and in our world."
December 16, 2011
Some stuff worth pondering for sure. Out of the depths of the hopelessness of ever living up to God's standards on our own, comes beautiful rest in knowing that not only can't we earn his love...we don't have to!! We're already as loved as we can possibly be in Jesus. That's where we find the source for a life really worth living, not just trying to be "nice"...
May 10, 2015
what a great little read. inspirational and refreshingly honest. hybels confesses her depression and pinpoints her years of striving after approval, from God and from people. it's a hard lesson for women to learn
February 17, 2016
Live dangerously.
June 12, 2024
THE WIFE OF THE FORMER WILLOW CREEK PASTOR SHARES SOME THOUGHTS
Author Lynne Hybels wrote in this 2005 book, “The opposite of a nice girl, I learned, is a ‘good woman.’ Being a good woman means trading the safe, passive, people-pleasing behavior of niceness for the dynamic power or true goodness. It means moving from the weakness and immaturity of girlhood toward the strength and maturity of womanhood.” (Pg. 21)
She continues, “Whereas a nice girl tends to live according to the will of others, a good woman has only one goal: to discern and live out the will of God. A good woman knows that her ultimate calling in life is to be part of God’s plan for redeeming all things in this sin-touched world. A good woman knows she cannot be all things to all people, and she may, in fact, displease those who think she should just be nice. She is not strident or demanding, but she does live according to conviction.” (Pg. 23)
She recounts, “Bill’s ministry was so demanding and so fruitful… that I gradually slid into believing my quieter, less visible life would not possibly matter as much as his. What was important was to keep Bill going, make HIS life manageable, facilitate HIS ministry. Bill didn’t ask that from me, but it’s what I perceived as right… I never would have said that my life didn’t matter, but I ended up living as if it didn’t… as the church grew and Bill got busier, I picked up virtually all of the time-consuming practicalities of keeping a home and family going, as well as a growing list of duties related to being a pastor’s wife, leaving less and less time for anything else… for reasons I could not understand, I found myself hating life. I really didn’t know why… I became convinced I was a really bad Christian, and I believed that for years. It wasn’t until my counselor helped me look more honestly at my natural abilities and spiritual gifts that I realized what was really wrong.” (Pg. 48-52)
She recalls, “The voices in my head were ruthless. I imagined all the cutting things people might say about me. “Oh, YOU’RE Bill Hybel’s wife?... I thought you’d be younger, older, taller, shorter, prettier, blond. I thought you’d be a great Bible teacher or a powerful leader… but you’re just this ordinary person.’” (Pg, 71)
She concludes, “the opposite of a nice girl is not just a good woman, but a downright dangerous woman. A woman who shows up with everything she is and joins the battle against whatever opposes the redeeming work of God in our lives and in our world. A dangerous woman delves deeply into the truth of who she is, grounds herself daily in the healing and empowering love of God, and radically engages with the needs of the world… Dangerous women. World-changing women. That’s what I want to be and that’s what I hope you will be. All of us. Together.” (Pg. 89-91)
Author Lynne Hybels wrote in this 2005 book, “The opposite of a nice girl, I learned, is a ‘good woman.’ Being a good woman means trading the safe, passive, people-pleasing behavior of niceness for the dynamic power or true goodness. It means moving from the weakness and immaturity of girlhood toward the strength and maturity of womanhood.” (Pg. 21)
She continues, “Whereas a nice girl tends to live according to the will of others, a good woman has only one goal: to discern and live out the will of God. A good woman knows that her ultimate calling in life is to be part of God’s plan for redeeming all things in this sin-touched world. A good woman knows she cannot be all things to all people, and she may, in fact, displease those who think she should just be nice. She is not strident or demanding, but she does live according to conviction.” (Pg. 23)
She recounts, “Bill’s ministry was so demanding and so fruitful… that I gradually slid into believing my quieter, less visible life would not possibly matter as much as his. What was important was to keep Bill going, make HIS life manageable, facilitate HIS ministry. Bill didn’t ask that from me, but it’s what I perceived as right… I never would have said that my life didn’t matter, but I ended up living as if it didn’t… as the church grew and Bill got busier, I picked up virtually all of the time-consuming practicalities of keeping a home and family going, as well as a growing list of duties related to being a pastor’s wife, leaving less and less time for anything else… for reasons I could not understand, I found myself hating life. I really didn’t know why… I became convinced I was a really bad Christian, and I believed that for years. It wasn’t until my counselor helped me look more honestly at my natural abilities and spiritual gifts that I realized what was really wrong.” (Pg. 48-52)
She recalls, “The voices in my head were ruthless. I imagined all the cutting things people might say about me. “Oh, YOU’RE Bill Hybel’s wife?... I thought you’d be younger, older, taller, shorter, prettier, blond. I thought you’d be a great Bible teacher or a powerful leader… but you’re just this ordinary person.’” (Pg, 71)
She concludes, “the opposite of a nice girl is not just a good woman, but a downright dangerous woman. A woman who shows up with everything she is and joins the battle against whatever opposes the redeeming work of God in our lives and in our world. A dangerous woman delves deeply into the truth of who she is, grounds herself daily in the healing and empowering love of God, and radically engages with the needs of the world… Dangerous women. World-changing women. That’s what I want to be and that’s what I hope you will be. All of us. Together.” (Pg. 89-91)
June 25, 2018
I remember my friend handing me this book and telling me I needed to read it. Immediately I took a cup of coffee with me and spent a few hours devouring it. However you feel about Bill Hybels, if you have ever identified yourself as an over-achiever who struggles with depression and fear, you will likely find Lynne to be a kindred spirit. I felt as though I could have underlined the entire book (except it belonged to my friend, so I didn't). I find myself quoting from it, finding solace in the fact that not only has another been where I have been, but she has found the help she needed to crawl out of that dark place, and because I trust in the same God, I can, too. I highly recommend this one :)
August 13, 2017
This small book packed a powerful soul punch for me and proved that we pastor's wives go through some universal crises. In the end, Hybels asks that her reader to be not a "good girl" but a "dangerous woman"... "A woman who shows up up with everything she is and joins the battle against whatever opposes the redeeming work of God in our lives and in our world."
I needed this word today- the morning after the violence wrought by white supremacists in Charlottesville. Imagine what we dangerous women, empowered by God, could do against evil such as that?
I needed this word today- the morning after the violence wrought by white supremacists in Charlottesville. Imagine what we dangerous women, empowered by God, could do against evil such as that?
October 19, 2025
The last book I finished referenced this one and I realized I had it on my shelf from when one of my high school teachers gave it to me years ago. She wrote on the first page a sweet note and at the end said, “Go with God, Sunshine.” Her note and this book was a badly needed reminder to do just that. To listen solely to the voice of God and honor the passions he has placed within me. To ignore voices of judgement and to live fully in the love of Christ. To act justly, to love mercy, and to walk humbly with my God. Short but profound! Highly recommend
January 9, 2023
I can relate to the author's sentiments when it comes to finding my true calling in life. It took me decades of searching, praying, exploring... and it is just recently that I have the time to look into what God is really trying to tell me. The book has confirmed a lot that was in the back of my head the whole time. Great light read! No spoilers here. Can be finished in one sitting but it will get you thinking, rethinking and internalizing on what we could be doing with our lives. 5 stars.
March 22, 2020
“Don’t allow who you truly are to be lost, buried, or devalued. What is in you matters. What is most truly you matters. You have learned lessons, experienced pain, known joys, and gained a perspective nobody else has. You have an answer to world’s needs that is yours alone.” —Lynne Hybels
A quick read.
An interesting concept.
A breather.
In the end, I agreed. Nice girls don’t change the world. Dangerous women do. Empowered women do.
A quick read.
An interesting concept.
A breather.
In the end, I agreed. Nice girls don’t change the world. Dangerous women do. Empowered women do.
May 18, 2017
I LOVED this book - it spoke directly to my heart, to the thoughts and dreams I've been struggling with for the past year, and it was exactly what I needed to read. I need to own this book and read it daily until it sinks deeply into my heart and soul and becomes constant truth.
May 18, 2019
Very short, quick read and directly to the point. Such a strong message for someone struggling to *actually* live as just the person God created them to be. So good. Share it with the enneagram 2’s and 3’s in your life.
December 29, 2017
Short & profound - like meeting a mentor for coffee :)
February 5, 2018
Every pastor should read this to help his wife become who God has called her to be.
August 16, 2018
This is a very short, enthusiastic book, that seeks to remind us that how we view God directly affects our life choices and mood. It was not in depth.
Read
January 2, 2023Don’t know why I read such a religious book but it was so short and I am a fast ready so I finished it in like 20 min. Preachy but still nice words that I can relate to
October 6, 2023
Sometimes we have to give up the toxic image of God we have carried since childhood to relate to the true and loving God who calls us his beloved daughters.
February 6, 2024
Nice content but it was so short it felt undeveloped. More like a sermon that an actual book.
August 2, 2024
My life story. Please read.
January 11, 2025
Hybels' story of losing herself while trying to be what the world expected of her as a pastor's wife is important and worth telling, but I wanted more depth and detail.
May 22, 2025
Simple, quick book about the power of not being a people pleaser, and instead being who you were created to be!
December 6, 2025
The was a wholesome light read with spiritual twist that made it even more impactful.
March 23, 2017
A very short autobiographical account of transformation. Though her life experiences were foreign to me, I think the book would be relatable to just about anyone -- and in particular those experiencing depression, as she was. Her description of how God spoke to her was incredibly moving.
February 27, 2017
Although it's about faith you can also use this book to look at how you just need to take care of yourself so that you can take care of others. Being the best you is in turn being the best for everyone else in your life.
Displaying 1 - 30 of 62 reviews