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My Father's Brain: Life in the Shadow of Alzheimer's
A deeply affecting memoir of a father's descent into dementia, and a revelatory inquiry into why the human brain degenerates with age and what we can do about it.
Almost six million Americans—about one in every ten over the age of sixty-five—have Alzheimer’s disease or related dementias, and this number is projected to more than double by 2050. What is it like to live with and amid this increasingly prevalent condition—an affliction that some fear more than death? In My Father’s Brain, the distinguished physician and author Sandeep Jauhar sets his father’s descent into Alzheimer’s alongside his own journey toward understanding this disease and how it might best be coped with, if not cured.
In an intimate memoir rich with humor and heartbreak, Jauhar relates how his immigrant father and extended family felt, quarreled, and found their way through the dissolution of a cherished life. Along the way, he lucidly exposes what happens in the brain as we age and our memory falters, and explores everything from the history of ancient Greece to the most cutting-edge neurological—and bioethical—research. Throughout, My Father’s Brain confronts the moral and psychological concerns that arise when family members must become caregivers, when children’s and parents’ roles reverse, and when we must accept unforeseen turns in our closest relationships—and in our understanding of what it is to have a self. The result is a work of essential insight into dementia, and into how scientists, caregivers, and all of us in an aging society are reckoning with the fallout.
Almost six million Americans—about one in every ten over the age of sixty-five—have Alzheimer’s disease or related dementias, and this number is projected to more than double by 2050. What is it like to live with and amid this increasingly prevalent condition—an affliction that some fear more than death? In My Father’s Brain, the distinguished physician and author Sandeep Jauhar sets his father’s descent into Alzheimer’s alongside his own journey toward understanding this disease and how it might best be coped with, if not cured.
In an intimate memoir rich with humor and heartbreak, Jauhar relates how his immigrant father and extended family felt, quarreled, and found their way through the dissolution of a cherished life. Along the way, he lucidly exposes what happens in the brain as we age and our memory falters, and explores everything from the history of ancient Greece to the most cutting-edge neurological—and bioethical—research. Throughout, My Father’s Brain confronts the moral and psychological concerns that arise when family members must become caregivers, when children’s and parents’ roles reverse, and when we must accept unforeseen turns in our closest relationships—and in our understanding of what it is to have a self. The result is a work of essential insight into dementia, and into how scientists, caregivers, and all of us in an aging society are reckoning with the fallout.
Audiobook
First published April 9, 2023
About the author
Sandeep Jauhar
4 books230 followersSandeep Jauhar has written several bestselling books, all published by Farrar, Straus, and Giroux.
"My Father’s Brain," his most recent book, is a memoir of his relationship with his father as he succumbed to dementia. In the book, Jauhar sets his father’s descent into Alzheimer’s alongside his own journey toward understanding his father’s disease. It was named by The New Yorker and Smithsonian magazine as one of the best books of 2023.
The book relates the complications that arise when family members must become caregivers. Though the conflicts are personal, they are also universal—conversations and conflicts that every family facing the mental erosion of an elder has. At the same time, the book explores everything from ancient conceptions of the mind to the most cutting-edge neurological―and bioethical―research. It delves into what happens in the brain as we age and our memory falters, how memory gives meaning to our lives, even as it changes with time, how dementia complicates our understanding of what it means to have a self — and what all this means for patients, their families, and society at large.
Jauhar's first book, "Intern: A Doctor's Initiation," was an international bestseller and was optioned by NBC for a dramatic television series.
His second book, "Doctored: The Disillusionment of an American Physician," was a New York Times bestseller and was named a New York Post Best Book of 2014.
"Heart: A History," his third book, was named a best book of 2018 by the Mail on Sunday, Science Friday, Zocalo Public Square, and the Los Angeles Public Library, and was the PBS NewsHour/New York Times book club pick for January 2019; it was also a finalist for the Wellcome Book Prize.
A practicing physician, Jauhar writes regularly for the opinion section of The New York Times. His TED Talk on the emotional heart was one of the ten most-watched TED Talks of 2019. To learn more about him and his work, visit his website at www.sandeepjauhar.com or follow him on social media.
"My Father’s Brain," his most recent book, is a memoir of his relationship with his father as he succumbed to dementia. In the book, Jauhar sets his father’s descent into Alzheimer’s alongside his own journey toward understanding his father’s disease. It was named by The New Yorker and Smithsonian magazine as one of the best books of 2023.
The book relates the complications that arise when family members must become caregivers. Though the conflicts are personal, they are also universal—conversations and conflicts that every family facing the mental erosion of an elder has. At the same time, the book explores everything from ancient conceptions of the mind to the most cutting-edge neurological―and bioethical―research. It delves into what happens in the brain as we age and our memory falters, how memory gives meaning to our lives, even as it changes with time, how dementia complicates our understanding of what it means to have a self — and what all this means for patients, their families, and society at large.
Jauhar's first book, "Intern: A Doctor's Initiation," was an international bestseller and was optioned by NBC for a dramatic television series.
His second book, "Doctored: The Disillusionment of an American Physician," was a New York Times bestseller and was named a New York Post Best Book of 2014.
"Heart: A History," his third book, was named a best book of 2018 by the Mail on Sunday, Science Friday, Zocalo Public Square, and the Los Angeles Public Library, and was the PBS NewsHour/New York Times book club pick for January 2019; it was also a finalist for the Wellcome Book Prize.
A practicing physician, Jauhar writes regularly for the opinion section of The New York Times. His TED Talk on the emotional heart was one of the ten most-watched TED Talks of 2019. To learn more about him and his work, visit his website at www.sandeepjauhar.com or follow him on social media.
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 229 reviews
December 3, 2022
This is among my most painful reads of the year. A heart-wrenching account of how Sandeep Jauhar, his brother and sister try their best to cope with their dad’s descent into Alzheimer’s.
Sandeep Jauhar is a cardiologist, and so is his brother Rajiv. Their dad is a proficient plant geneticist who has contributed significantly to research with several publications to his credit. He migrated from India to the US, doing well in his profession largely, though he has had a few professional grudges. Since Sandeep & Rajiv practice in New York, they get their parents to move closer to them in Long Island in 2014. Sandeep’s mother is diagnosed with Parkinson’s first, and gradually her movements become limited. They also notice that their dad is getting to be forgetful and realize he has Alzheimer’s. They find there is very little they can do as the symptoms become progressively worse. Sandeep’s mother passes away first and this seems to accelerate his dad’s deterioration. The brothers and their sister Suneeta try to maintain their dad’s independence by appointing a help Harwinder who will stay with him most of the time. Sandeep does wonder if the individualistic culture in the US (as opposed to the more family social culture in India – though that is also changing) coupled with the tragedy of his mother’s demise accelerated his dad’s progression. There is evidence that loneliness is generally a setback for mental illness. In a few years the symptoms are quite severe, though he does recognise his children right till the end (though in one instance he blurts that Sandeep is probably a nephew). The sons try to keep their dad engaged with walks, drives and lunch/dinner outings to places he liked such as the ‘House of Dosas’. By 2021, there is nothing more they can do.
The book is largely about how the family tried to cope with their parents’ illnesses, and makes for very painful reading. Despite being in the medical profession, the brothers realize there is no worthwhile cure to reverse the disease once it sets in, and find themselves lost on what to do. Sandeep visits a community setup in Netherlands specifically for people with dementia. As the incidences of Alzheimer’s are spiralling, possibly more such facilities will become common. There is a lot of frustration as their dad gets more forgetful, confused and increasingly disoriented. They debate whether assisted living would be better but conclude that would be tough as well, and their dad would most likely resist it strongly. There is some brief background material around the disease and treatment options recommended generally.
The tone is very frank, the descriptions detailed, and the toll the disease takes on everybody including near and dear ones really hits you.
While the search for a pill to cure the disease has so far not met with much success, I recommend the book The End of Alzheimer's: The First Program to Prevent and Reverse Cognitive Decline by Dale Bredesen, which has a lot of sensible advice on lifestyle, diet and supplements.
My rating: 4.25 / 5.
Thanks to Netgalley, the publisher Farrar, Straus and Giroux, and the author for a free electronic review copy.
Sandeep Jauhar is a cardiologist, and so is his brother Rajiv. Their dad is a proficient plant geneticist who has contributed significantly to research with several publications to his credit. He migrated from India to the US, doing well in his profession largely, though he has had a few professional grudges. Since Sandeep & Rajiv practice in New York, they get their parents to move closer to them in Long Island in 2014. Sandeep’s mother is diagnosed with Parkinson’s first, and gradually her movements become limited. They also notice that their dad is getting to be forgetful and realize he has Alzheimer’s. They find there is very little they can do as the symptoms become progressively worse. Sandeep’s mother passes away first and this seems to accelerate his dad’s deterioration. The brothers and their sister Suneeta try to maintain their dad’s independence by appointing a help Harwinder who will stay with him most of the time. Sandeep does wonder if the individualistic culture in the US (as opposed to the more family social culture in India – though that is also changing) coupled with the tragedy of his mother’s demise accelerated his dad’s progression. There is evidence that loneliness is generally a setback for mental illness. In a few years the symptoms are quite severe, though he does recognise his children right till the end (though in one instance he blurts that Sandeep is probably a nephew). The sons try to keep their dad engaged with walks, drives and lunch/dinner outings to places he liked such as the ‘House of Dosas’. By 2021, there is nothing more they can do.
The book is largely about how the family tried to cope with their parents’ illnesses, and makes for very painful reading. Despite being in the medical profession, the brothers realize there is no worthwhile cure to reverse the disease once it sets in, and find themselves lost on what to do. Sandeep visits a community setup in Netherlands specifically for people with dementia. As the incidences of Alzheimer’s are spiralling, possibly more such facilities will become common. There is a lot of frustration as their dad gets more forgetful, confused and increasingly disoriented. They debate whether assisted living would be better but conclude that would be tough as well, and their dad would most likely resist it strongly. There is some brief background material around the disease and treatment options recommended generally.
The tone is very frank, the descriptions detailed, and the toll the disease takes on everybody including near and dear ones really hits you.
While the search for a pill to cure the disease has so far not met with much success, I recommend the book The End of Alzheimer's: The First Program to Prevent and Reverse Cognitive Decline by Dale Bredesen, which has a lot of sensible advice on lifestyle, diet and supplements.
My rating: 4.25 / 5.
Thanks to Netgalley, the publisher Farrar, Straus and Giroux, and the author for a free electronic review copy.
July 14, 2023
Dr. Sandeep Jauhar’s ambitious and eccentric father, Prem, grew up poor. He was eight years old when, during Partition, his family fled what is now Pakistan for India. Living for a time in wretched border camps where some family members died, they eventually settled in an area south of New Delhi, their home a one-room flat with no electricity or running water. Evidently an excellent student, Prem conscientiously did his homework under the streetlights. His mother later sold her jewelry to pay the tuition and necessary bribes for him to attend university. In the 1970s, he entered the US under the category “scientists of exceptional ability,” bringing his wife and children with him. A world-class geneticist, he ran a lab at the University of North Dakota for many years, working well into his seventies.
Before his retirement in 2014, however, there were indications that all was not as it should be. In 2012, the university instituted a requirement for faculty to publish two papers per year. Prem had 100 peer-reviewed papers to his name and in the past would probably have thought nothing of writing a couple more; now he chafed at the idea. He was also staying late at the lab to complete work, and his housekeeper later told Sandeep that Prem had gotten lost on the way home from work one night. A former neighbour phoned to express concern about Prem’s financial judgement. A few months later and now retired, the man who’d always been so careful with money was bouncing cheques, sending cash to random charities, and getting lost on Long Island where he’d relocated with Sandeep’s mother to be close to their sons. An easier, more sensible move to Minneapolis, where their daughter and her family lived, would never have occurred to the senior Jauhars. In traditional Indian families, elderly parents look to their sons for assistance. Rajiv, the eldest, and Sandeep lived in New Jersey. These were fully Americanized children. Growing up, they’d had a fraught relationship with their father, especially over drinking and dating. A sense of familial duty had been diluted, and they had been eager to get away.
Both cardiologists, Rajiv and Sandeep knew plenty about the heart; the brain, not so much. Their parents’ conditions would change that. Their mother was quite disabled by Parkinson’s disease and soon required an aide, and their father’s cognition was in fairly rapid decline. An appointment with a neurologist in November 2014 brought him a diagnosis of mild cognitive impairment. This condition affects one in five elderly adults. Twenty percent of those diagnosed with MCI go on to develop dementia. Prem Jauhar would be one of them. For close to seven years, Sandeep, the son most like him in temperament, would encourage, plead with, and threaten his parent. He writes that he loved him, cared for him, and hated him, too. Trying to retain his own memory of his father, he “eventually came to know more about him—who he was, his likes and dislikes—than . . [Prem] knew about himself. That was a strange responsibility to carry.” The author says he reminded everyone that his father was more than his disease, but he also intimates more than once that he failed him.
In an effort to understand what was happening to Prem, Sandeep read widely—not only the medical literature, but also works related to the subject by sociologists, anthropologists, philosophers, and ethicists. He has expertly distilled this information and judiciously inserted it into the often moving story of his father’s decline (and his mother’s too). He tells about conflicts with his siblings over their father’s care. Principled Sandeep feels that out of respect, Prem deserves to be told the truth, his delusions corrected. Rajiv and Suneeta are far more pragmatic, willing to go with the flow, employ “therapeutic deception,” and allow their father his distorted versions of reality. Anything to avoid unproductive upsets and arguments. After their mother dies, there’s conflict between the three over placing their dad in a long-term-care facility. Knowing Prem would be assigned to a locked ward, Sandeep is opposed to the idea. Luckily, the family finds a gem of an Indian care giver, Harwinder, who takes a lot of abuse—verbal and physical—from Prem. He becomes sufficiently agitated and violent at times that a psychiatrist experiments with a range of psychoactive drugs to stabilize his mood. Harwinder comes to regard her charge as a father and perhaps has as much say as his children when it comes to end-of-life decisions.
Some may not appreciate the informational material woven into the memoir, but I really valued it. Among the many topics the author addresses are:
1. the plight of (unpaid) family caregivers—i.e., the emotional and financial cost of caring for a family member with dementia in the US. Jauhar says a typical family spends $80,000 USD annually for care for their loved one with Alzheimer’s disease;
2. how memory works and the important role of the hippocampus, which is typically the first part of the brain to be affected by Alzheimer’s;
3. the history of Alzheimer’s disease. Significantly, only in the 1970s was a consensus reached that this disease and senile dementia were one and the same thing. In the early twentieth century, Dr. Alois Alzheimer’s first patient, Auguste Deter, was still relatively young—50– when she became seriously ill: deluded, disoriented, and amnesiac. She died at age 55. For many years after, Alzheimer’s was considered a rare disease, striking those in middle age. It’s now known that the early- or young-onset form accounts for only 1% to 2% of total Alzheimer’s cases.
4. what’s going on in the brain. Most have heard about the beta amyloid protein plaques and the tangles of tau protein that destroy neurons, but the cause of Alzheimer’s still hasn’t been determined. The disease may be owing to inflammation. Recent evidence suggests that overactive immune cells in the brain, microglia, play a role. Bacteria that cause gum disease and herpes viruses also appear to be implicated in plaque build-up.
5. the personhood of the Alzheimer’s patient. Most definitions of personhood, going back to David Hume and John Locke, are very cogno-centric. According to Locke, a person is a “thinking, intelligent being, that has reason and reflection, and considers itself, the same thinking thing, in different times and places.” Jauhar notes that some modern philosophers have extended this idea. Derek Parfit, for example, has observed: “a person can cease to exist some time before his heart stops beating” and, under such circumstances, “we have no moral reason to help his heart go on beating, or to refrain from preventing this.” Peter Singer concurs, opining that euthanizing “neurologically devastated infants or adults with advanced dementia is no great moral transgression.” On the other hand, social psychologist Tom Kitwood expresses views which clearly resonate for the author. Connections, interactions, and relationships give life meaning. “Human beings,” Kitwood writes, “exist not only in an inward world but also in a public space.”
I appreciate Jauhar’s efforts to bring his experience with his father into the “public space.” I found My Father’s Brain a rich and rewarding read that is not without intense poignancy.
Before his retirement in 2014, however, there were indications that all was not as it should be. In 2012, the university instituted a requirement for faculty to publish two papers per year. Prem had 100 peer-reviewed papers to his name and in the past would probably have thought nothing of writing a couple more; now he chafed at the idea. He was also staying late at the lab to complete work, and his housekeeper later told Sandeep that Prem had gotten lost on the way home from work one night. A former neighbour phoned to express concern about Prem’s financial judgement. A few months later and now retired, the man who’d always been so careful with money was bouncing cheques, sending cash to random charities, and getting lost on Long Island where he’d relocated with Sandeep’s mother to be close to their sons. An easier, more sensible move to Minneapolis, where their daughter and her family lived, would never have occurred to the senior Jauhars. In traditional Indian families, elderly parents look to their sons for assistance. Rajiv, the eldest, and Sandeep lived in New Jersey. These were fully Americanized children. Growing up, they’d had a fraught relationship with their father, especially over drinking and dating. A sense of familial duty had been diluted, and they had been eager to get away.
Both cardiologists, Rajiv and Sandeep knew plenty about the heart; the brain, not so much. Their parents’ conditions would change that. Their mother was quite disabled by Parkinson’s disease and soon required an aide, and their father’s cognition was in fairly rapid decline. An appointment with a neurologist in November 2014 brought him a diagnosis of mild cognitive impairment. This condition affects one in five elderly adults. Twenty percent of those diagnosed with MCI go on to develop dementia. Prem Jauhar would be one of them. For close to seven years, Sandeep, the son most like him in temperament, would encourage, plead with, and threaten his parent. He writes that he loved him, cared for him, and hated him, too. Trying to retain his own memory of his father, he “eventually came to know more about him—who he was, his likes and dislikes—than . . [Prem] knew about himself. That was a strange responsibility to carry.” The author says he reminded everyone that his father was more than his disease, but he also intimates more than once that he failed him.
In an effort to understand what was happening to Prem, Sandeep read widely—not only the medical literature, but also works related to the subject by sociologists, anthropologists, philosophers, and ethicists. He has expertly distilled this information and judiciously inserted it into the often moving story of his father’s decline (and his mother’s too). He tells about conflicts with his siblings over their father’s care. Principled Sandeep feels that out of respect, Prem deserves to be told the truth, his delusions corrected. Rajiv and Suneeta are far more pragmatic, willing to go with the flow, employ “therapeutic deception,” and allow their father his distorted versions of reality. Anything to avoid unproductive upsets and arguments. After their mother dies, there’s conflict between the three over placing their dad in a long-term-care facility. Knowing Prem would be assigned to a locked ward, Sandeep is opposed to the idea. Luckily, the family finds a gem of an Indian care giver, Harwinder, who takes a lot of abuse—verbal and physical—from Prem. He becomes sufficiently agitated and violent at times that a psychiatrist experiments with a range of psychoactive drugs to stabilize his mood. Harwinder comes to regard her charge as a father and perhaps has as much say as his children when it comes to end-of-life decisions.
Some may not appreciate the informational material woven into the memoir, but I really valued it. Among the many topics the author addresses are:
1. the plight of (unpaid) family caregivers—i.e., the emotional and financial cost of caring for a family member with dementia in the US. Jauhar says a typical family spends $80,000 USD annually for care for their loved one with Alzheimer’s disease;
2. how memory works and the important role of the hippocampus, which is typically the first part of the brain to be affected by Alzheimer’s;
3. the history of Alzheimer’s disease. Significantly, only in the 1970s was a consensus reached that this disease and senile dementia were one and the same thing. In the early twentieth century, Dr. Alois Alzheimer’s first patient, Auguste Deter, was still relatively young—50– when she became seriously ill: deluded, disoriented, and amnesiac. She died at age 55. For many years after, Alzheimer’s was considered a rare disease, striking those in middle age. It’s now known that the early- or young-onset form accounts for only 1% to 2% of total Alzheimer’s cases.
4. what’s going on in the brain. Most have heard about the beta amyloid protein plaques and the tangles of tau protein that destroy neurons, but the cause of Alzheimer’s still hasn’t been determined. The disease may be owing to inflammation. Recent evidence suggests that overactive immune cells in the brain, microglia, play a role. Bacteria that cause gum disease and herpes viruses also appear to be implicated in plaque build-up.
5. the personhood of the Alzheimer’s patient. Most definitions of personhood, going back to David Hume and John Locke, are very cogno-centric. According to Locke, a person is a “thinking, intelligent being, that has reason and reflection, and considers itself, the same thinking thing, in different times and places.” Jauhar notes that some modern philosophers have extended this idea. Derek Parfit, for example, has observed: “a person can cease to exist some time before his heart stops beating” and, under such circumstances, “we have no moral reason to help his heart go on beating, or to refrain from preventing this.” Peter Singer concurs, opining that euthanizing “neurologically devastated infants or adults with advanced dementia is no great moral transgression.” On the other hand, social psychologist Tom Kitwood expresses views which clearly resonate for the author. Connections, interactions, and relationships give life meaning. “Human beings,” Kitwood writes, “exist not only in an inward world but also in a public space.”
I appreciate Jauhar’s efforts to bring his experience with his father into the “public space.” I found My Father’s Brain a rich and rewarding read that is not without intense poignancy.
April 11, 2023
Several years ago, Dr. Sandeep Jauhar wrote a book called Heart: A History. It is about the heart, the organ as well as the center of emotions and feelings, medical research, science and his personal story. Jauhar’s grandfather had a heart attack and died at a young age, which impacted his decision to become a cardiologist. My father also suffered a minor heart attack at a young age and thankfully survived; as you probably know, I did not become a doctor! …but my interest in the subject was piqued when I came across the book, and I found it incredibly informative, relatable and well written.
Once again, Sandeep Jauhar has my attention as his new book, My Father’s Brain is about his family’s journey with his father’s memory loss, diagnosis and progression of Alzheimer’s. He shares explanations of research, personal feelings, family tension, medications, doctor visits and hospital stays, caregiver stories and his own emotional journey toward acceptance during such a difficult period of time.
As one of the millions of people who have a family member with some form of dementia, I found so much of what the author shared in this book all too familiar, from his father getting locked out of the house to the constant changing of medications and the wondering if more meds were needed or if the meds were just making things worse. Everyone’s experiences can be so different, but there are threads of familiarity, which is comforting, allowing us to realize that those in similar shoes can relate. I hope you choose to read My Father’s Brain to gain a better understanding of how dementia impacts a family.
If you are looking for information on how to help a loved one here are a few places to reach out to:
Alzheimer’s Association
A Place For Mom
In addition, an eldercare lawyer can advise and your local social services office may offer ways to receive financial support. With the 5 year look-back for Medicaid, and the monetary expenses that go along with care, it is best to address memory loss right away and plan for the future.
Once again, Sandeep Jauhar has my attention as his new book, My Father’s Brain is about his family’s journey with his father’s memory loss, diagnosis and progression of Alzheimer’s. He shares explanations of research, personal feelings, family tension, medications, doctor visits and hospital stays, caregiver stories and his own emotional journey toward acceptance during such a difficult period of time.
As one of the millions of people who have a family member with some form of dementia, I found so much of what the author shared in this book all too familiar, from his father getting locked out of the house to the constant changing of medications and the wondering if more meds were needed or if the meds were just making things worse. Everyone’s experiences can be so different, but there are threads of familiarity, which is comforting, allowing us to realize that those in similar shoes can relate. I hope you choose to read My Father’s Brain to gain a better understanding of how dementia impacts a family.
If you are looking for information on how to help a loved one here are a few places to reach out to:
Alzheimer’s Association
A Place For Mom
In addition, an eldercare lawyer can advise and your local social services office may offer ways to receive financial support. With the 5 year look-back for Medicaid, and the monetary expenses that go along with care, it is best to address memory loss right away and plan for the future.
July 8, 2023
2.5 - I really struggled with the way the author treated and interacted with his father as his father's dementia professed. He constantly corrected and argued with his father rather than allowing his father some dignity when he forgot things or said things that were incorrect. I also felt that the author focused completely on his father's decline and his own difficulties with him while ignoring the effect on the caretaker, his siblings, the author's wife and children, as well as the families of his siblings. He made it all about himself, in my opinion. In addition, the siblings seemed to dump all the day-to-day hard stuff on the live-in helper. Why did the author never spend the night and give her a break???
April 9, 2023
I just happened to stumble across this book while perusing netgalley one evening and I think I felt compelled to request it because while not only does the topic of Alzheimer’s and dementia fascinate me, but my own family is currently experiencing the mental decline due to dementia of a very beloved family member.
I believe dementia is one of the absolute worst things to inflict an otherwise healthy individual. It’s heartbreaking, infuriating, and gives you a feeling of utter helplessness. I don’t wish this disease among my worst enemy. Jauhar’s account of supporting his parents through his father’s mental decline was such a raw and honest telling and he didn’t sugar coat anything. Especially not how he personally struggled so much with accepting his father’s situation and just how stubborn he was in facing the reality of it all.
Jahaur is a not only a writer, but he’s also a physician (a renowned cardiologist) so he does a great job of weaving in scientific data and information on Alzheimer’s disease amongst his own personal experience.
Overall, this was a quick read and perfect for anyone wanting to read a bit more on Alzheimer’s while also getting an intimate story of the toll this disease takes on everyone involved.
Thanks to Netgalley for a digital copy for review. All thoughts my own.
I believe dementia is one of the absolute worst things to inflict an otherwise healthy individual. It’s heartbreaking, infuriating, and gives you a feeling of utter helplessness. I don’t wish this disease among my worst enemy. Jauhar’s account of supporting his parents through his father’s mental decline was such a raw and honest telling and he didn’t sugar coat anything. Especially not how he personally struggled so much with accepting his father’s situation and just how stubborn he was in facing the reality of it all.
Jahaur is a not only a writer, but he’s also a physician (a renowned cardiologist) so he does a great job of weaving in scientific data and information on Alzheimer’s disease amongst his own personal experience.
Overall, this was a quick read and perfect for anyone wanting to read a bit more on Alzheimer’s while also getting an intimate story of the toll this disease takes on everyone involved.
Thanks to Netgalley for a digital copy for review. All thoughts my own.
March 28, 2023
My Father's Brain was a realistic, heartbreaking, and beautiful memoir from a son as he witnessed his father fall deeper into the descent of dementia. It was mixed with the writer's own research (who himself is a renowned cardiologist) as he hoped to better understand what his father was going through.
This book struck a chord with me and brought back lots of memories when my family and I cared for my great aunt during her battle with Alzheimer's disease. She was the liveliest woman I've ever known - she worked for an airline and traveled to other continents for a single day to go shopping, she had a bigger social life than I ever will, she poked fun of me for never drinking, and even when she was approaching 99, she would wonder why she was surrounded by so many "old bags" at the memory care facility.
It was devastating to watch her gradually lose her memories and transform into a new and different version of herself. The writer of this book expressed the hopelessness and frustration so well. Even so, there were several lighter moments throughout the book, and those brief flashes of lucidity from his father (and my great aunt) are what shine the most.
This book struck a chord with me and brought back lots of memories when my family and I cared for my great aunt during her battle with Alzheimer's disease. She was the liveliest woman I've ever known - she worked for an airline and traveled to other continents for a single day to go shopping, she had a bigger social life than I ever will, she poked fun of me for never drinking, and even when she was approaching 99, she would wonder why she was surrounded by so many "old bags" at the memory care facility.
It was devastating to watch her gradually lose her memories and transform into a new and different version of herself. The writer of this book expressed the hopelessness and frustration so well. Even so, there were several lighter moments throughout the book, and those brief flashes of lucidity from his father (and my great aunt) are what shine the most.
February 22, 2024
3.5. At the very least it is an honest account of Sandeep's experience as he watched his father's mind be taken over by Alzheimers. However, I found Sandeep to be hard headed to a fault which made parts of the book very difficult to read. His father's treatment of his mother when she had Parkinsons makes it who his role model was. The way he treats his father seems to come from a deep place of love and fear. He seems to think that with enough effort the progression of the disease will somehow be different even onto the final pages. Harwinder, the live in aide, deserves a book all her own.
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
March 15, 2026
بدأت قراءة هذا الكتاب في الذكرى الرابعة لوفاة والدي، وهو من ضمن الكتب التي وضعتها في قائمتي للقراءة فَورَ الإعلان عن صدوره، نظراً لكونه كتاب سيرة ذاتية عن "الأب"، وأيضاً لأنه بمثابة محاولة لفهم أحد أهم أمراض هذا العصر.
خرجتُ لأختلي بنفسي وأتمشى في أحد شوارع مدينتي الرئيسية، ذلك الشُريان السباتي المُسمّى "شارع جيهان"، كان شاهداً رئيسياً على عقد ونصف من حياتي، حيث كنت أعبره بشكل شبه يومي خلال تلك السنين كلها. جلستُ في المقهى المُطل على بوابة الجامعة ومعي كتاب جديد بعنوان "عقل أبي"، يتخذ الكاتب من من خلاله متسعاً للحكي عن السنوات الأخيرة لوالده، وبداية ظهور أعراض مرض "ألزهايمر" عليه، وبصفته طبيباً وجراحاً للقلب، سُيحاول أن يكتشف جَوهر المرض وأسبابه وطُرق التعامل مع المرضى في تلك الحالات، والمراحل التي يمر من خلالها المريض بدايةً من نسيان بعض الأحداث اليومية، إلى أن يفتك المرض بعقل صاحبه وذكريات حياته.
قبل سنواتٍ سبع، قرأتُ كتاباً آخر بعنوان "لأن الإنسان فانٍ"، وقُلت حينها بأنه أحد الكتب التي غيرت الكثير من نظرتي حول الشيخوخة والموت، وطرق التعامل مع المرضى في سنواتهم وأيامهم الأخيرة. هنا أيضاً نجد أن الكاتب يُخبرنا عن حكايته مع والده، والسنوات السبع التي قضاها في رعايته بعد اكتشافهم لظهور أعراض النسيان عليه. في البداية كان يحاول أن يُبرّر بأن الأمر طبيعي وكلنا قد ننسى بعض الأشياء مع تقدمنا في العُمر، حتى زادت الأمور إلى حد نسيان الأشياء التي تحدث يومياً مِثل (ماذا أكلت اليوم يا أبي؟ لا أذكر!)، وهو ما يستدعي الطبيب للكشف على والده، ويتم تشخيصه ببداية ظهور أعراض "ألزهايمر" عليه، فيبدأ الكاتب بالبحث عن تاريخ المرض، ويحدثنا بشكل عِلمي مُبسّط وشائق حول بدايات اكتشافه وعن التجارب التي حاول من خلالها الأطباء الكشف عن التغيرات التي تصيب الدماغ وخصوصاً منطقة الحُصين، ومن خلال حديثنا يحكي أيضاً عن الطبيب الألماني الذي اكتشف المرض وسُمي لاحقاً باسمه. ثم ينتقل بنا الكاتب إلى الحديث عن العقل ونظرة على النفس وعلم الاجتماع إلى عقل الإنسان وكيف أن الإنسان يتلاشى من الوجود بتلف عقله قبل أن يموت فعلياً، وهو من الفصول التي أعجبتني كثيراً وأنا أقرأ.
ما يُميز أي سيرة ذاتية، هو مدى صِدق كاتبها في الحَكي عن حياته، وعن ذكرياته التي قد تكون مُخجلة أحياناً أو فاضحة في أحيان أخرى! في بعض مقاطع هذا الكتاب، يحكي الكاتب بشكل حميمي عن والده "عالم الوراثة وعلم الجينات" القدير، وهو يتحول في نظره من عالم كبير كان الجميع يحترمه ويُشيد بعلومه ورجاحة عقله وشجاعته إلى عجوز خَرف لا يستطيع أن يعتني بنفسه أو يرتدي ملابسه. وفي مقاطع أخرى يتحدث عن شجاعتنا في اتخاذ بعض القرارات نيابةً عن مرضانا، وكيف لنا أن نختار هل نحارب معاهم لمجرد أن يكونوا على قيد الحياة بجوارنا حتى لو لم يشعروا بنا أو باتوا يعرفوننا، أمّ فقط نتركهم للموت بسلام دون أن يتألموا!
شعرتُ وأنا أقرأ، ببعض التشابه بين شخصي وشخص الطبيب راوي هذه الحكاية، وحتى على الرغم من اختلاف مرض والدي إلا أن مشاعر الفَقد والحزن التي تصيبنا متشابهة. وبصفته الإبن المفضل لوالده، يمكنني أن أشعر بصدق معاناته تلك، ففي بعض المقاطع دمعت عيناي وأنا أقرأ وأتذكر والدي -وهو الذي لا أنساه أبداً- وذكرياتي معه في الصحة والمرض. تماماً كما فعل "سنديب" وهو يحكي عن والده وذكرياته معه.
كانت بعض قطرات الماء بدأت تتساقط، ولم انتبه لها رغم انتقالي للجلوس بجوار النافذة في الطابق الثاني، حينها توقفت عن القراءة وبدأت أتأمل الشارع والمارة، فقررت أن أسرع لعلي أتبلل بدموع أبي الساقطة من السماء، فتمشيت ومررت عبر الشوارع الجانبية التي احفظها تماماً وأخذت أُفكّر هل ستتلاشى ذكرياتي يوماً وأبدأ بالنسيان!
خرجتُ لأختلي بنفسي وأتمشى في أحد شوارع مدينتي الرئيسية، ذلك الشُريان السباتي المُسمّى "شارع جيهان"، كان شاهداً رئيسياً على عقد ونصف من حياتي، حيث كنت أعبره بشكل شبه يومي خلال تلك السنين كلها. جلستُ في المقهى المُطل على بوابة الجامعة ومعي كتاب جديد بعنوان "عقل أبي"، يتخذ الكاتب من من خلاله متسعاً للحكي عن السنوات الأخيرة لوالده، وبداية ظهور أعراض مرض "ألزهايمر" عليه، وبصفته طبيباً وجراحاً للقلب، سُيحاول أن يكتشف جَوهر المرض وأسبابه وطُرق التعامل مع المرضى في تلك الحالات، والمراحل التي يمر من خلالها المريض بدايةً من نسيان بعض الأحداث اليومية، إلى أن يفتك المرض بعقل صاحبه وذكريات حياته.
قبل سنواتٍ سبع، قرأتُ كتاباً آخر بعنوان "لأن الإنسان فانٍ"، وقُلت حينها بأنه أحد الكتب التي غيرت الكثير من نظرتي حول الشيخوخة والموت، وطرق التعامل مع المرضى في سنواتهم وأيامهم الأخيرة. هنا أيضاً نجد أن الكاتب يُخبرنا عن حكايته مع والده، والسنوات السبع التي قضاها في رعايته بعد اكتشافهم لظهور أعراض النسيان عليه. في البداية كان يحاول أن يُبرّر بأن الأمر طبيعي وكلنا قد ننسى بعض الأشياء مع تقدمنا في العُمر، حتى زادت الأمور إلى حد نسيان الأشياء التي تحدث يومياً مِثل (ماذا أكلت اليوم يا أبي؟ لا أذكر!)، وهو ما يستدعي الطبيب للكشف على والده، ويتم تشخيصه ببداية ظهور أعراض "ألزهايمر" عليه، فيبدأ الكاتب بالبحث عن تاريخ المرض، ويحدثنا بشكل عِلمي مُبسّط وشائق حول بدايات اكتشافه وعن التجارب التي حاول من خلالها الأطباء الكشف عن التغيرات التي تصيب الدماغ وخصوصاً منطقة الحُصين، ومن خلال حديثنا يحكي أيضاً عن الطبيب الألماني الذي اكتشف المرض وسُمي لاحقاً باسمه. ثم ينتقل بنا الكاتب إلى الحديث عن العقل ونظرة على النفس وعلم الاجتماع إلى عقل الإنسان وكيف أن الإنسان يتلاشى من الوجود بتلف عقله قبل أن يموت فعلياً، وهو من الفصول التي أعجبتني كثيراً وأنا أقرأ.
ما يُميز أي سيرة ذاتية، هو مدى صِدق كاتبها في الحَكي عن حياته، وعن ذكرياته التي قد تكون مُخجلة أحياناً أو فاضحة في أحيان أخرى! في بعض مقاطع هذا الكتاب، يحكي الكاتب بشكل حميمي عن والده "عالم الوراثة وعلم الجينات" القدير، وهو يتحول في نظره من عالم كبير كان الجميع يحترمه ويُشيد بعلومه ورجاحة عقله وشجاعته إلى عجوز خَرف لا يستطيع أن يعتني بنفسه أو يرتدي ملابسه. وفي مقاطع أخرى يتحدث عن شجاعتنا في اتخاذ بعض القرارات نيابةً عن مرضانا، وكيف لنا أن نختار هل نحارب معاهم لمجرد أن يكونوا على قيد الحياة بجوارنا حتى لو لم يشعروا بنا أو باتوا يعرفوننا، أمّ فقط نتركهم للموت بسلام دون أن يتألموا!
"كنت أعلم أن المرض سينتصر في النهاية. لن تكون هناك مفاجآت أو معجزات، وسوف نخسر المعركة. وكان السؤال الوحيد الذي يدور في ذهني حينئذٍ، ما مقدار التضحيات التي يجب بذلها قبل أن تتحقق الهزيمة."
شعرتُ وأنا أقرأ، ببعض التشابه بين شخصي وشخص الطبيب راوي هذه الحكاية، وحتى على الرغم من اختلاف مرض والدي إلا أن مشاعر الفَقد والحزن التي تصيبنا متشابهة. وبصفته الإبن المفضل لوالده، يمكنني أن أشعر بصدق معاناته تلك، ففي بعض المقاطع دمعت عيناي وأنا أقرأ وأتذكر والدي -وهو الذي لا أنساه أبداً- وذكرياتي معه في الصحة والمرض. تماماً كما فعل "سنديب" وهو يحكي عن والده وذكرياته معه.
كانت بعض قطرات الماء بدأت تتساقط، ولم انتبه لها رغم انتقالي للجلوس بجوار النافذة في الطابق الثاني، حينها توقفت عن القراءة وبدأت أتأمل الشارع والمارة، فقررت أن أسرع لعلي أتبلل بدموع أبي الساقطة من السماء، فتمشيت ومررت عبر الشوارع الجانبية التي احفظها تماماً وأخذت أُفكّر هل ستتلاشى ذكرياتي يوماً وأبدأ بالنسيان!
""لا تنسني". هكذا بدا أن عينيه تقولان لي."
December 10, 2025
Leer a Sandeep Jauhar ha sido como recibir el abrazo que aquella adolescente cuidadora nunca tuvo. El Alzheimer, la forma más común y, para mí, más cruel de la demencia, marcó mi vida cuando cuidé de mi abuelo con solo diecisiete años. Pasé del amor al agotamiento, de la culpa a la vergüenza, sin entender qué ocurría en su mente ni en la mía.
Este libro recuerda que no estamos solos. Explica qué es la memoria, cómo se forman los recuerdos, por qué se pierden los más recientes y permanecen los de la infancia, o cuál es el papel del hipocampo. También rescata figuras esenciales como Alois Alzheimer y Auguste Deter, y muestra lo poco que sabíamos, y lo mucho que aún falta por comprender, sobre las enfermedades mentales.
Jauhar narra la enfermedad de su padre desde la mirada de hijo, médico e investigador, y nos invita a entender que la locura no es moral ni religiosa: es biología, herencia, vulnerabilidad humana. Una lectura necesaria para quienes han acompañado a un ser querido en la oscuridad y buscan poner palabras a lo que vivieron.
Este libro recuerda que no estamos solos. Explica qué es la memoria, cómo se forman los recuerdos, por qué se pierden los más recientes y permanecen los de la infancia, o cuál es el papel del hipocampo. También rescata figuras esenciales como Alois Alzheimer y Auguste Deter, y muestra lo poco que sabíamos, y lo mucho que aún falta por comprender, sobre las enfermedades mentales.
Jauhar narra la enfermedad de su padre desde la mirada de hijo, médico e investigador, y nos invita a entender que la locura no es moral ni religiosa: es biología, herencia, vulnerabilidad humana. Una lectura necesaria para quienes han acompañado a un ser querido en la oscuridad y buscan poner palabras a lo que vivieron.
September 5, 2023
If you’re looking for a heart wrenching yet incredibly honest view into Alzheimer’s from a family/care giver perspective, this is the book for you. Dr. Jauhar gives his readers a deeply personal look into the impact this disease can have on the individual and the entire family. This book was a great reminder to cherish the time we have with our parents while highlighting the how much work there is still to be done in treating and curing dementia.
One of my favorite books this year.
One of my favorite books this year.
September 1, 2024
A book that touched my heart.
I just finished My Father's Brain and it's a beautiful and heartbreaking story about a son's journey with his father's Alzheimer's. I wish this book had been available years ago when my dad was alive and struggling with and Alzheimer's too. It would have helped me understand and empathize with him so much more.
If you're looking for a book that's both informative and emotionally resonant, I highly recommend it.
Kudos Sandeep Jauhar
I just finished My Father's Brain and it's a beautiful and heartbreaking story about a son's journey with his father's Alzheimer's. I wish this book had been available years ago when my dad was alive and struggling with and Alzheimer's too. It would have helped me understand and empathize with him so much more.
If you're looking for a book that's both informative and emotionally resonant, I highly recommend it.
Kudos Sandeep Jauhar
January 29, 2026
Vaya llorera con el final... un libro muy real que cuenta la historia que viven muchas familias con un familiar con Alzheimer, el día a día de la enfermedad, las decisiones que hay que tomar... duro, pero muy bonito.
Cómo único punto malo es que los capítulos son muy largos y no me gusta dejar capítulos a medias jeje así soy
Cómo único punto malo es que los capítulos son muy largos y no me gusta dejar capítulos a medias jeje así soy
April 6, 2025
This book is heartbreaking. It allows for a very personalized look at the realities of dementia and how that can impact a family. It also shows the struggles of caring for the elderly in America which has become an increasingly more difficult issue. I appreciate the authors candor in his story as it is very likely something that most of us will have to go through as well.
July 23, 2024
Very informative and helpful. A must-read for any caregiver with an elderly parent.
June 2, 2024
This deeply moving and often heartbreaking book describes the author’s experiences of caring for a parent with dementia, starting from the first signs that something was wrong with his memory, told from the standpoint of a physician who realizes that his experience as a cardiologist and expertise in consulting the medical literature are of little help in caring for and relating to his father and his siblings, whose opinions about what should be done for their father were often at odds with his own.
Dr Prem Jauhar was born into extreme poverty in India, but he overcame numerous obstacles there and in the United States to become a highly respected agronomist at North Dakota State University. At the time of his retirement in 2014 he was already showing signs of memory loss, but he was a proud man who refused to admit that his symptoms were anything other than normal age related changes. In keeping with the culture he grew up in, he and his wife moved to Long Island to be close to their two sons, who were both practicing physicians there. Prem’s wife, who was afflicted with Parkinson’s disease, convinced Sandeep to take him to see her neurologist, who diagnosed Prem with mild cognitive impairment, which is often a precursor to Alzheimer’s and other dementias. Instead of accepting this diagnosis Prem, never am easy going man, became progressively more irascible with his beloved wife, the innumerable caregivers who his sons hired to help both parents, and his children. Frequent crises at home took a great toll on Sandeep and his older brother Rajiv, along with their sister Suneeta, and Sandeep frequently butted heads with his siblings about what ideally should be done for both parents.
Prem’s condition progressively worsened, in keeping with the expected course of Alzheimer’s disease, and Sandeep describes those final days with him, as the siblings differed but eventually agreed on the best way to ensure that their father was comfortable in his final hours.
"My Father’s Brain" is filled with interesting historical information about Alzheimer’s disease; however, what sets it apart is the honesty with which Sandeep expresses his struggles and frustrations with his father and the disease process, which I could easily identify with as the primary caregiver of a mother with dementia, and that combination elevates this book above others I’ve read about this terrible condition.
Dr Prem Jauhar was born into extreme poverty in India, but he overcame numerous obstacles there and in the United States to become a highly respected agronomist at North Dakota State University. At the time of his retirement in 2014 he was already showing signs of memory loss, but he was a proud man who refused to admit that his symptoms were anything other than normal age related changes. In keeping with the culture he grew up in, he and his wife moved to Long Island to be close to their two sons, who were both practicing physicians there. Prem’s wife, who was afflicted with Parkinson’s disease, convinced Sandeep to take him to see her neurologist, who diagnosed Prem with mild cognitive impairment, which is often a precursor to Alzheimer’s and other dementias. Instead of accepting this diagnosis Prem, never am easy going man, became progressively more irascible with his beloved wife, the innumerable caregivers who his sons hired to help both parents, and his children. Frequent crises at home took a great toll on Sandeep and his older brother Rajiv, along with their sister Suneeta, and Sandeep frequently butted heads with his siblings about what ideally should be done for both parents.
Prem’s condition progressively worsened, in keeping with the expected course of Alzheimer’s disease, and Sandeep describes those final days with him, as the siblings differed but eventually agreed on the best way to ensure that their father was comfortable in his final hours.
"My Father’s Brain" is filled with interesting historical information about Alzheimer’s disease; however, what sets it apart is the honesty with which Sandeep expresses his struggles and frustrations with his father and the disease process, which I could easily identify with as the primary caregiver of a mother with dementia, and that combination elevates this book above others I’ve read about this terrible condition.
February 25, 2024
3.5 stars. An interesting, sad, compassionate account of how the author and his siblings coped with their elderly parents, particularly when the father started having disturbing lapses of memory.
It highlights the difficulties adult children face with elderly parents who become difficult to communicate with due to their illnesses.
This book provides an insight into dementia. The author’s parents were Indian, immigrating to America in 1947 with three children under ten years old. The father was a plant geneticist who had some of his research published. The author’s mother is diagnosed with Parkinson’s and slowly her movements become limited. Later the father is diagnosed with Alzheimer’s.
This book was named a best book of the year by The New Yorker and a Smithsonian top ten science book of 2023.
It highlights the difficulties adult children face with elderly parents who become difficult to communicate with due to their illnesses.
This book provides an insight into dementia. The author’s parents were Indian, immigrating to America in 1947 with three children under ten years old. The father was a plant geneticist who had some of his research published. The author’s mother is diagnosed with Parkinson’s and slowly her movements become limited. Later the father is diagnosed with Alzheimer’s.
This book was named a best book of the year by The New Yorker and a Smithsonian top ten science book of 2023.
April 11, 2023
An extremely gripping account of the disheartening realities faced by both the caregivers and sufferers of Alzheimer’s. The author masterfully entwined personal memories with academic literature on this pervasive disease. I savored every word and found solace in his ability to recount such poignant memories and inexplicable feelings. This is a must read!
December 11, 2023
Neither an end of life book like In Love by Amy Bloom or a medical book on dementia and Alzheimer’s, the result is that My Father’s Brain was somewhat unsatisfying for me. The author provides an up-close depiction of caring for an aging parent but doesn’t leave the reader with any kind of roadmap for them to use. The author touches on some of the history and biology of dementia but by no means was it an in-depth exploration of the disease or research into its potential mitigants.
End of life care is hard, messy, and everyone’s journey is different. The author’s journey was modestly interesting but not so compelling that I would recommend the book to a friend in the same position.
End of life care is hard, messy, and everyone’s journey is different. The author’s journey was modestly interesting but not so compelling that I would recommend the book to a friend in the same position.
December 7, 2023
I stuck with this book because it was extremely well written, but wow. Having just finished my father's dementia journey, I still wanted to shake this man. And the poor caregiver, oh my gosh. There needed to be a chapter 14, the apology chapter, where we find out the oldest brother is still giving him well deserved side eye.
December 23, 2023
I was so annoyed with the author’s dim-witted behavior, I felt like I was at work. I wanted to smack him. However, he came around and kudos to him for putting it all on display for anyone reading to learn from.
Read
January 13, 2024Interesting and honest book about the ravages of dementia, but I don't forgive the author for not thanking or otherwise acknowledging the woman who provided the vast majority of care for his father for several years until the father's death.
February 8, 2024
Heartbreaking memoir and pop science book! Sandeep seamlessly intertwines his personal journey of caring for his father amidst an Alzheimer’s diagnosis with scientific insights and historical perspectives on the disease,memory, and the intricacies of the brain.
July 13, 2026
تم تدوين هذه التجربة الشخصية بواقعية بعيدة عن ادعاء المثالية؛ لأن المؤلف -ورغم أنه طبيب- يعترف بأنه تعامل مع أبيه أثناء فترة مرضه كإبنٍ حانق، ويخبرنا أن العاملة المنزلية التي وظفوها للعناية بوالده قالت له بدون مجاملة: (صفر من مئة) عندما طلب منها أن تقيّم جهوده في أداء واجباته تجاه والده !!
هذه المذكرات تجعلنا نتساءل حقاً: هل سننجح في امتحان كهذا؟ رغم أننا جميعاً -وكما كان هذا الابن يتوقع من نفسه- نأمل الوفاء بالالتزام الطبيعي الأخلاقي الذي يترتب على الابن تجاه والديه عندما يشيخان و أن يقوم برعايتهما كما ينبغي. ثم يأتي التساؤل الآخر وهو كيف سيكون حالنا إن ابتُلينا نحن بهذا المرض وأصبحنا على هامش المجتمع وغير مرئيين للعالم - كما يعبر المؤلف- وعالة على عوائلنا.. نسأل الله حسن الخاتمة.
أقتبس من هذا الكتاب ما يلي:
"وأشعر بالأسف، عندما أقول إن التأثيرات النفسية الاجتماعية الخبيثة على والدي لم يكن مصدرها العالم الخارجي فقط، بل شاركنا نحن أقرب الناس إليه فيها أيضًا. كنت أتمنى أن أقول إننا كنا أفضل حالاً وأكثر صبرًا من العالم الخارجي في طريقة تعاملنا مع والدي. لكن للأسف، الحقيقة لم تكن كذلك.
أتمنى لو كان بمقدوري أن أنسى كيف كنا نوبخه عندما كان يطرح الأسئلة، بدعوى أنه ما الفائدة في معرفة الإجابات إذا كان سينساها. في بعض الأحيان، كنت أنا وإخوتي نتحدث عنه كما لو كان غير موجود. وحتى في وجوده، كنا نقول أشياء من قبيل «إنه عاجز»، أو «إنه أصبح مثل الطفل الآن».. ولم يكن يثنينا عن المضي قدمًا في طريقة معاملتنا تلك إلا قليلاً.
حتى عندما كنا نشعر بالندم على ذلك مرارًا وتكرارًا، كنا نكرر السلوك نفسه مرة بعد الأخرى. فالحقيقة هي، أنه وعلى الرغم من معرفتنا أن أبي كان أكبر من مجرد دماغه التالف، كنا نجد صعوبة في التصرف وفقًا لهذا."
August 11, 2023
Much needed reality check for author
Dr. Jauhar,
Here is a reality check for you from someone who has been, sadly, living with multiple Alzheimer’s and dementia family members, YOU CANNOT REASON WITH A DEMENTED MIND…PERIOD. The sad fact that you continued to argue with your father and other family members up until the end of your father’s life is very disappointing. I am thankful that this is a memoir and perhaps will serve as a cautionary tale for other’s going down Alzheimer’s Avenue.
I did appreciate that you explained the scientific in’s and out’s and history of this dreadful disease. However, the fact that your two siblings had to stand back and watch you disregard your father’s wishes with the mindset that his wishes and advance directive written at a time when he was clear headed would not be what his demented self wanted is simply terrifying. I certainly hope that my children will not disregard my advance directive written when I am of sound mind and instead think that I would prefer to continue living when I can no longer reason.
**** stars because this was a true memoir, well written, made me think and be frustrated. I hope that anyone who has a loved one with dementia will seek out the advice and guidance of the Alzheimer’s Association - it is the best first thing I did.
Dr. Jauhar,
Here is a reality check for you from someone who has been, sadly, living with multiple Alzheimer’s and dementia family members, YOU CANNOT REASON WITH A DEMENTED MIND…PERIOD. The sad fact that you continued to argue with your father and other family members up until the end of your father’s life is very disappointing. I am thankful that this is a memoir and perhaps will serve as a cautionary tale for other’s going down Alzheimer’s Avenue.
I did appreciate that you explained the scientific in’s and out’s and history of this dreadful disease. However, the fact that your two siblings had to stand back and watch you disregard your father’s wishes with the mindset that his wishes and advance directive written at a time when he was clear headed would not be what his demented self wanted is simply terrifying. I certainly hope that my children will not disregard my advance directive written when I am of sound mind and instead think that I would prefer to continue living when I can no longer reason.
**** stars because this was a true memoir, well written, made me think and be frustrated. I hope that anyone who has a loved one with dementia will seek out the advice and guidance of the Alzheimer’s Association - it is the best first thing I did.
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
March 20, 2024
3.5 or maybe 3.75, rounded up. This book was fascinating and very well written. Demerits mainly issued because there are quite a few passages where dude's just being straight up cruel to his poor dad - starting arguments, refusing to tell white lies to ease dad's anxiety, relentlessly pointing out dumb mistakes dad makes (because he has fucking ALZHEIMERS, hello!!!). I would expect those bits to be recounted with an air of regret, or at least presented in a self-reflective manner, in which case I would happily excuse them as the consequences of being a human being in a high stress situation. But alas. All of this is made even stranger by the fact that he's a medical professional.
That said, I had a tough time putting this book down and read it in two sittings.
That said, I had a tough time putting this book down and read it in two sittings.
February 5, 2024
I recently lost my mom from Alzheimer's. Sandeep's journey with his father's Alzheimer's had many similarities to my journey with my mom. A journey characterized best as chaos, containing frustration, sadness, fatigue, and love. Sandeep's father's journey lasts seven years. Sandeep is a heart doctor whose medical connections and mindset assist in understanding Alzheimer's. Still, ultimately he is just as susceptible to the pitfalls of being a caregiver to a person with Alzheimer's. I especially could relate to his continuous belief in a rational approach when rational thinking does not work when dealing with a person with Alzheimer's. The book was very cathartic for me as I reflected on the last three years with my mom.
March 1, 2024
A powerfully insightful, painful, realistic and raw account of one family’s experience with Altzheimer’s disease. Having experienced first-hand the decline of my own father’s capacity due, in part, to this cruel disease, I found this book to be very accurate and compelling and real. Beyond the bedpans and embarrassments, so much information about internal family dynamics and human emotion was revealed. The hard choices, contrary opinions, practical challenges of helping manage an impractical disease all layed bare. Arguments where there is no winner, and regardless of the course of action, the end result is always the same.
May 28, 2023
“So what’s the point if this is all there is?” I asked.
“Well, your reputation will live on,” he answered.
“But you won’t know about it, so what’s the point?”
The point, he explained, was that there is consolation in knowing that people will remember you, even if you are not around to remember yourself.
As I would soon learn, sometimes we must carry this burden for our loved ones even when they are still around.
“Well, your reputation will live on,” he answered.
“But you won’t know about it, so what’s the point?”
The point, he explained, was that there is consolation in knowing that people will remember you, even if you are not around to remember yourself.
As I would soon learn, sometimes we must carry this burden for our loved ones even when they are still around.
July 9, 2024
This was painful to read because it hits so close to home. I found myself nodding along to everything this family endured as their patriarch suffered with Alzheimer’s. I was particularly struck by how loneliness and widowhood can impact the progression of dementia, as this also hit close to home. This is really well-done, raw in its honesty. What an insanely awful disease. While it did not provide any hope, as there is still no cure for Alzheimer’s, I’m so glad I read this.
June 15, 2023
Any “grown kid" who has been a caregiver for a parent with Alzheimer's, can totally relate to Dr. Sandeep Jauhar's book, "My Father's Brain. It touches on so many common experiences involving Alzheimer's, including role reversal (kid becomes parent), parents wanting to go "home, (although they're already there), cognitive decline, behavior and memory issues, etc. Dr. Jauhar interweaves the medical reasons responsible for the decline, with his personal experience dealing with Alzheimer’s as a caregiver for his dad. This book deftly captures the all-too familiar and often draining aspects of caregiving, including juggling work, home, family, and caregiving responsibilities. Dr. Jauhar addresses the physical, fiscal and psychological aspects of this very complex disease, which affects both the caregiver and the patient. I highly recommend this book.
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