10 Stupid Things Men Do to Mess Up Their Lives

by Laura Schlessinger

The straight-talking radio host, author of 10 Stupid Things Women Do to Mess Up Their Lives, shows men how to think through their decisions, restrain their macho impulses, and marry for the right reasons. 350,000 first printing. $180,000 ad/promo.

Genres: Self Help, Nonfiction, Relationships, Psychology, Reference, Personal Growth

320 pages, Hardcover

First published August 1, 1997

About the author

Laura Catherine Schlessinger (born January 16, 1947) is an American talk radio host, socially conservative commentator and author. Her radio program consists mainly of her responses to callers' requests for personal advice and has occasionally featured her short monologues on social and political topics. Her website says that her show "preaches, teaches, and nags about morals, values and ethics".

Reviews

[Edward Hendry · Rating 5 out of 5]

To all Men without pronouns: read this book before you get married to the wrong woman !

[Bren fall in love with the sea. · Rating 3 out of 5]

This was not a book I ever expected to read but I found it in a used book store quite awhile ago and bought it. I think the price was like one dollar and fifty cents. Can't beat that! So I read it.

It wasn't my favorite book in the world, not even close but it WAS interesting and surprisingly witty at times. She has another one I read after this one called Ten stupid things WOMEN do to mess up their lives. Both were unexpectedly fun to read.

She takes a sort of take no prisoners approach in the book. Nothing's off limits and she tells it like it is. If you choose to read this, it will offer a surprising array of startling conversations showcasing what men really do think about..it may not be what you think.

3.5 stars for a book I really never expected to like.

[Scott · Rating 3 out of 5]

I listened to this an audiobook which is way too abridged. The paperback added a lot more scolding. Well, Dr. Laura is actually just up the road from me in Scotts Valley, CA. She has been on local radio forever. This book is actually the sequel to her '10 Stupid Things Women Do...'. Most men my age will find themselves described perfectly somewhere in this book. How many Ten Commandments have you broken?

This book pretty much outlines all the ways that men sabotage their own *family* lives in the pursuit of cheap thrills such as money, sex, power, ambition (career), youthfullness, but doesn't stop there and includes marriage, pity and even chivalry. Hmmmm. Are all those 'stupid' things really bad? Well, no, but they are when us merely human men put them above the greater needs of our families and thus society as a whole. This theory can be distilled simply to this: that families are the basic building block of society and we (men AND women) need to sacrifice - or at least think smarter - in order to create more compassionate, meaningful family lives. Fair enough, I say. I'd wish I'd read this book during my cocksure days in college and immediately beyond. The only thing these types of books fail to address is that life is fluid, and PEOPLE CHANGE. Sometimes drastically so. Since both the hubby and wife are going to continue to change throught their lives and thus their marriage and relationship will change, too. So, the marriage needs to change, too. And if it doesn't (for whatever reasons), it falls apart. Basically it comes down to communication and acceptance. We all need to keep open and honest communication *especially* with our spouses - or ultimately suffer alone. Honesty and openness should seem so easy to most of us. But it's all the 'stupid' things that Dr Laura describes that keep us from that.
So her advise is: choose carefully, and always keep talking and listening. Ask yourself what is really important in this life. And then try not to forget it! Highly recommended, even if you don't agree.

[Alex Bourke]

Dr Laura has a popular radio show where listeners ring in with stories or issues in their personal lives.
Essential reading for sons of nice-guy fathers who have ever fallen for manipulative princesses masquerading as genuine damsels in distress, for tight dresses and big eyes over kindness and character and intellect, or who just want to be the best guy they can be.
Best quotes so far:
"Don't marry until you've first dated the woman for two years (to get past the infatuation stage), and only after determining you are compatible with respect to attitudes, interests, religion, goals about family life, feelings about children, comfortable relationships with each other's family, values, and morals. Don't marry anyone you can't trust or admire."
"I think it should be illegal to marry unless you have six to nine months of premarital therapy. That counselling experience makes it virtually impossible for you to ignore realities, while giving you the opportunity to explore your mutual respect, trust, commitment, goals, dreams, values, and lifestyle....
"One listerner highlighted the qualities he looked for and got, in his wife of 24 years. Think about how important these qualities are to you:
She is well-grounded in her religious faith.[veganism or Buddhism in my case:]
She is not materialistic - she appreciates what we have.
She doesn't smoke, use drugs or abuse alcohol.
She is polite in a world where politenes and consideration for others are becoming all too rare.
She is able to make and keep a commitment.
She loves me and supports me even when my own imperfection is showing.
Does she sound too perfect? Actually, she does have some faults. I just can't think of 'em right now."
She is a bit of a fundamentalist, but there is some great stuff in here so take what you enjoy. And it's nice to finally see a relationship book for guys. Dr Laura also has a book 10 Stupid Things Women Do to Mess up Their Lives which I'm looking forward to reading next.

[Stephen · Rating 1 out of 5]

For a woman with such a closed mind, she certainly does keep her legs open when the cameras are around.

I do not take advice from women who cannot tell the difference between a gyno's office and a photo shoot.

I also wonder if she still thinks she's so smart for her hysterical 'nigger, nigger, nigger' rant.

[Zach Nakhla · Rating 2 out of 5]

Actually not the worst, but it is a bit uncomfortable that it’s written by a woman.

[Aisling · Rating 4 out of 5]

I'm a woman. I only read this to try to understand men better *shrug*
It wasn't bad, of course, and I'm sure it could be useful for a lot of men, but for my purpose, the book about how to feed your husband was better.

[anonymous · Rating 3 out of 5]

I believe Dr. Laura Schlessinger's projection of what most things men are doing wrong (in terms of a crisp dollar you could take to the bank), is one quarter disingenuous and three quarters true for most traditional men. This makes for good writing unless you mistakenly came to her book for answers in the form of a "to do list" or manual.

Although she placed together almost perfectly with most men do, are doing to mess up their lives, she leaves out how most of those characteristics and choices stream from the societal roles and programing that are staples men are subjected and shammed into from childhood, adolescence and into manhood.

Though men still need to take responsibility for their choices, those staples are in place so that he learns early on "not to cry", "be a man", "get married", "make her happy", "give her the world", "happy wife happy life" and so much more that's drenched in a (blue pill) frame of life. I think that's why some of the letters from men she included in the book sound the way they do. As an observation, Most of those men's letters, (with limited foresight), echo "Me stupid and bad, wife all that is good, happiness is servitude".

[Taka · Rating 2 out of 5]

Bad reader--

This book is packed full of facts that are so true and so rampant that every man should read it to let Dr. Schlessinger open his eyes. But, alas, the audiobook is crap.

I mean what I wrote. It's crap. It's read by the author herself like a lot of other audiobooks, but the inflections and modulations of her reading is simply and truthfully ANNOYING, making it a tough read as she makes you repeatedly go through the particular emotion that can succinctly and eloquently be captured by "WTF?" not to mention the difficulty in comprehending what she's saying at a very high pitch when she tries to be creative and read the text with what she might think is "flourish."

Basically, the content is superb, but the delivery is shit.

Get the book, but don't listen to the audiobook!

[Jasper Arnold · Rating 4 out of 5]

I grew up listening to Dr Laura in the car with my mom and aunt. Today, I continue to listen to her “call of the day” podcast because I appreciate her no nonsense advice and family values.

This book has been on my list to read for a long time and I finally finished it! Dr Laura didn’t fail in continuing to give common sense and straight forward guidelines on how men will thrive in a world that doesn’t appreciate traditional values such as integrity, commitment, being kind to others, selflessness, honesty, and doing what’s right. This book requires an open mind because Dr Laura encourages men to look inside themselves and examine why they make the mistakes discussed.

I knew Dr Laura was passionate about her beliefs, but my only critique of the book is that she comes off as quite condescending at times. Also, she could have made her points with fewer examples of calls from listeners from her show. Overall, I enjoyed the book and think that all young men should read this book in order to avoid the mistakes that she outlines.

She conveyed her thoughts on “10 Stupid Things Men Do” in 10 different chapters titled as followed:

Stupid Chivalry
Stupid Independence
Stupid Ambition
Stupid Strength
Stupid Sex
Stupid Matrimony
Stupid Husbanding
Stupid Parenting
Stupid Boyishness
Stupid Machismo

The chapters that really resonated with me were 5, 7, and 10. Below are some of my favorite quotes from those chapters including some quotes from interviews from her radio show that she references.

“Neither love nor sexual attraction is enough to ensure monogamy. Feelings of love and sexuality wax and wane with your blood sugar, moon spots, job success, hairline, etc. Although the current societal mentality doesn’t support “hanging in there and working on it” during a period of “wane,” partners in healthy and happy relationships discover that a deeper love and attachment is found in weathering those storms, not just setting out for a new place to anchor. If love is therefore “not enough” to ensure monogamy, what does it take? Commitment. And that’s where society, religion, and the state have let us down. Marriages are too easy to make (six to nine months mandatory premarital counseling should be the rule), divorces are too easy to get (no-fault decisions leave spouses and children abandoned), and “shacking up,” affairs, and promiscuous sexual relationships (even when small children are involved) are no longer severely stigmatized and critically judged.” (Pg. 126)

“Anyway....I just can’t get as sexually excited about her as I did with the other girlfriend because she’s not as pretty.” “ Well, Greg, if for you the sex means nothing, it’s just sex, then if the situation isn’t very horny, you are just not going to “get off“ with as much enthusiasm. For people with a deeper, profound feeling about their partner and a deeper meaning about sexuality, the sex comes out of the deep sense of love, affection, mutual experience, bonding, closeness— The turn-on then becomes the depth and quality of the relationship including the sexual relationship.“ “So, you think I need to do a little maturing with regard to this thing?“ “Yes. When sex is not an expression of anything between you and your woman, then it is totally dependent upon impersonal issues like her attractiveness, wine, and fantasy. The more that you think of sex in ‘that way,’ in other words, the more time you formulate your ideas in terms of purpose and meaning, and the more you direct your behaviors towards that end, the less superficial you will become. That’s what morals provide for you—a sense of purpose and meaning, and a direction away from emptiness. There is something wonderful about considering sex in a more “holy“ or “moral” light. It gives the act greater magnificence, depth, and ongoing satisfaction than just getting horny and getting off.” (pg. 135-136)

“Don’t marry until you’ve dated the woman for two years(to get past the infatuation stages), and only after determining you are compatible with respect to attitudes, interest, religion, goals about family life, feelings about children, comfortable relationships with each other’s family, values, and morals. Don’t marry anyone you can’t trust or admire. Don’t marry anyone with lots of problems—until such time as she works them through. Don’t marry anyone who can’t handle problems with you—that’s just a fair-weather wife.”(pg. 165)

“A lot of you guys are reading this book looking for lists of “to-do’s,” hoping that it’s a simple instruction manual, that you’ll mechanically know what you have to do to keep her off your back. That’s not what this book is about and that’s not what you need in your life. “Doing” is not nearly as important as “doing with the right attitude.” Without the right attitude you won’t be sincere, consistent, or as profoundly moved by the relationship with your wife as you could be—as you need to be in order to find your life worthwhile.” (pg 195-196)

“Love and romance or not just feelings. They are actions that embrace and create feelings. Love is other serving, not self-serving. A solid marriage is built on respect for the character of one’s partner, not “warm fuzzies “. The fuzzies will be there, but they are not a foundation, they are a reward for depending on the true foundation: the actions of love, the honor of respect, and the awareness that a solid relationship work requires effort, sensitivity, and permission to be wrong.” (Pg. 207)

“the most important ingredient in a good marriage is kindness.” (pg. 210)

“I don’t really think there is a special moment that converts one into a man. But rather, a point in one’s life when you decide that building character and becoming honorable not only to yourself but to the family around you, far outweighs any pleasurable experiences that a “male” can have.” (pg. 294)

[Leonard · Rating 2 out of 5]

I read this book before quite a few years ago, so I was just "reviewing" it this time. I haven't listened to the author on the radio for years. In the book she does give some advice that is valuable, but the book includes many more examples in each chapter than are needed to make the point of that chapter. It makes the book more than twice as long as it needs to be. I'm not sure why some books like this are so overwritten. Maybe a longer books makes the author seem more important. And in the book, as on the radio, the author communicates in a disrespectful and condescending manner to the reader, an approach that on radio to a caller makes the listener cringe, but is not unlike a lot of contemporary talk radio. In the book it just becomes annoying.

[Brent Scherer · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book was great but really in the areas that applied to myself. I believe about 5 or 6 of them were things I had never done or ever planned to do and those chapters were just lengthy and painful. Overall it was a positive book and the scolding is just fine as long as you're secure enough to handle it. The lessons inside are very insightful and she provides anecdotes as examples of what happens you follow the advice and when you don't. Overall, it was good advice in very plain speak. However, I'd also recommend that if you don't identify with anything in the first two pages of a chapter (a stupid thing men do), then just skip it.

[Tripleguess · Rating 3 out of 5]

I obviously couldn't relate to this title as much as the "Woman" book. I did learn things about men that I simply wasn't aware of and never would have been aware of without someone pointing it out to me, because my mind simply does not run in those directions.

I felt that this title was more "padded" than the "Woman" book, taking longer to say things, but perhaps it was saying more than I realized and it flew over my female head. That's okay though. Interesting and at least mildly informative. Three stars even.

[Blake]

This is one of the books a friend brought me to read when I was in the hospital in May of 2010. I didn't start reading it til I was home recovering from my hospital stay. I was surprised to find the book easy to read and difficult to put down after I started reading it. I'm not a huge Dr. Laura fan but I actually enjoyed the box. And she has some very valid points about men and their relationships. She seems to have such a better perspective than John Gray.

[Kevin · Rating 3 out of 5]

My aunt gave me this book just after a girl (whom I was unofficially engadged to) and I decided to break it off. So I don't know if it was a hint or not:) I was doing some soal serching (otherwise I probubly wouldn't have read it). What I like about the book is that she says how great a man can be if he isn't "stupid" and for you girls out there there is a volume for you too:)

[Gina]

A great, insightful book pointing out the things men do that are pretty dumb in regards to relationships with women! I really felt like my eyes were opened and I feel so much more enlightened and aware. Dr. Laura pulled out all the stops and just told it like it is.

[Dante · Rating 3 out of 5]

My stepmother who is a big Dr Laura fan and went to see her live in Hawaii as part of her and my Dad's honeymoon gave me this book. I find it odd that Dr Laura forgot to include such common occurrences as "trying to kill a mosquito with a chainsaw after your fifth Labatts".

[Cagney · Rating 5 out of 5]

Great book for every level of personal development. Although I dont always agree with her she makes fair points that make you think! Can really help you understand how to date more successfully and how to engage in a serious relationship too.

[Think-On-It]

If you'd like to know what I thought of this book, please contact me directly and I'd be happy to discuss it with you.

All the best,

- TB

[James · Rating 3 out of 5]

Some good advice in here. I feel like I am on a moral high. A lot of testimonials, some are depressing and others are uplifting.

[Brian · Rating 4 out of 5]

Why we do the totally senseless things we do :)

[Lincoln · Rating 4 out of 5]

Unfortunately more of it applied than I liked.

[SueDella · Rating 2 out of 5]

Eh?

[Terrence Willis · Rating 3 out of 5]

Goodread

[Matt · Rating 3 out of 5]

Good messages to the book overall, and I agree with many of the overall points. My review is three stars because I think that the prose, organization, and flow of the book are poor. The messages and themes to the book would have been much more powerful had the organization and editing been better to provide a unified theme within each chapter instead of a smorgasbord of anecdotes from listeners that sort of stumble their way through the book in connecting (firmly or tangentially) to the ideas presented within the chapter.

[Matthew · Rating 2 out of 5]

I enjoy Dr. Laura's call of the day podcast, it is fascinating to hear her get to the heart of the matter with callers in real time. This has been my least favorite written work of hers so far, unfortunately. The letters and faxes start to sound too flat and one dimensional. The advice is fine but hovers at a pretty surface level. Meh.

[Syazana Jeffry · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book is solely about men yet there’s a lot I could definitely relate to. This book got me pondering if I am a woman or the opposite. Some even made me realized how quite toxic I am as an individual. All in all, I enjoyed reading the book! Recommended

[Judy L. · Rating 5 out of 5]

Spot on! Should be mandatory high school reading.

[Ken Smith · Rating 3 out of 5]

Always spot on, we humans are so predictable.

[M]

This book would definitely be cancelled by todays standards and I adore it.

Would love to see Laura Schlesinger co-host a podcast with Jordan Peterson