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Running From The Mirror
Just three days after he was born, Howard Shulman contracted an infection that devoured his nose, lips, lower eyelids, and tear ducts, leaving behind a gaping hole. Abandoned at the hospital by his parents, he became a ward of New Jersey under the care of a state-employed surgeon who experimentally rebuilt his face.
Running from the Mirror is the poignant true story of one man’s struggle to survive against staggering odds. Howard gives an unflinching account of growing up a bullied outcast, with no family to officially call his own. Relying on little more than street smarts and grit, he rises from dishwasher to successful entrepreneur. When a chance event shatters his world once again, he must make a daunting choice: live in the shadows of his painful past or summon the strength to make peace with it.
Filled with heart-wrenching suffering as well as soul-lifting joy, Running from the Mirror is an unforgettable testament to the strength of the human spirit.
Running from the Mirror is the poignant true story of one man’s struggle to survive against staggering odds. Howard gives an unflinching account of growing up a bullied outcast, with no family to officially call his own. Relying on little more than street smarts and grit, he rises from dishwasher to successful entrepreneur. When a chance event shatters his world once again, he must make a daunting choice: live in the shadows of his painful past or summon the strength to make peace with it.
Filled with heart-wrenching suffering as well as soul-lifting joy, Running from the Mirror is an unforgettable testament to the strength of the human spirit.
248 pages, Paperback
First published October 2, 2015
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 145 reviews
February 20, 2016
"Recent events in my life have made me realize that our choices are not always as black and white as they may seem, especially the most complex ones-- the ones involving family and love."
There is something so incredibly beautiful about this memoir of Howard Shulman, the man whose face was devoured by an infection when he was born. It's a story that inspires. It's an eye-opener and a reminder that life is sometimes cruel but nevertheless, amazing because of the imperfections that somehow make us human.
Howard was left by his parents right after they discovered that he's suffering a staph infection and his face quickly disappeared. Believing that he will barely make it, his parents handed him to the hospital and later on, he was sent to a foster family where he grew up normally despite his appearance.
This story centers on the importance of a child's growth and development, of one's self-esteem and a sense of belonging. Going through the pages, I felt so bad for Howard for being able to carry such burden from his birth right until he continued to grow up. Being bullied and being the center of one's animosity and loathing... it wasn't that easy to handle for him. But he was able to, even though he also had some bad decisions that turned his life into a mess at some point.
I love the message behind this autobiography. It simply tells the readers that despite your imperfections, you are still worthy to live and to be loved just like anybody else. Overall, this book is inspirational. If you fancy real life stories that can make a difference in your life, I highly recommend you to read Howard's life story.
(A copy of this book was given to me by Sandra Jonas Publishing in exchange for an honest review.)
Rating:
October 24, 2015
Those who enjoy memoirs about people who have overcome the most dire of circumstances will be moved by Running from the Mirror. A particularly inspiring read, the book chronicles the devastating events the author experienced as a newborn and how they set the stage for the rest of his life.
His face and his parents gone, Howard Shulman is turned over to the state, becoming a ward of New Jersey for the next eighteen years. During that time, he undergoes nearly a hundred operations to try to reconstruct enough of his face to allow him to survive—just barely.
Add the psychological trauma of abandonment to the physical devastation of a staph infection and you have a situation that would seem unsurvivable in so many ways—yet Shulman is a survivor, and his memoir depicts the process of reconstructing not just a face, but a life.
Shulman endures years of physical and psychological torture before finding solace in friendships, outdoor adventures, and his foster family. Though life always seems uncertain, he meets these uncertainties with a resourcefulness and determination to survive.
From homelessness and risky business schemes to breakups, nightclub ownership, and a search for answers from his past, Running from the Mirror is vivid and engrossing from start to finish. As much as Shulman is influenced by his physical appearance and his childhood traumas, he is also driven by an inner resolve to create a better life for himself.
So if it's a memoir of family, overcoming anger, evolving friendships, and confronting fate that is desired, this book delivers it all, using one-two punches that will keep readers engaged straight to the end.
His face and his parents gone, Howard Shulman is turned over to the state, becoming a ward of New Jersey for the next eighteen years. During that time, he undergoes nearly a hundred operations to try to reconstruct enough of his face to allow him to survive—just barely.
Add the psychological trauma of abandonment to the physical devastation of a staph infection and you have a situation that would seem unsurvivable in so many ways—yet Shulman is a survivor, and his memoir depicts the process of reconstructing not just a face, but a life.
Shulman endures years of physical and psychological torture before finding solace in friendships, outdoor adventures, and his foster family. Though life always seems uncertain, he meets these uncertainties with a resourcefulness and determination to survive.
From homelessness and risky business schemes to breakups, nightclub ownership, and a search for answers from his past, Running from the Mirror is vivid and engrossing from start to finish. As much as Shulman is influenced by his physical appearance and his childhood traumas, he is also driven by an inner resolve to create a better life for himself.
So if it's a memoir of family, overcoming anger, evolving friendships, and confronting fate that is desired, this book delivers it all, using one-two punches that will keep readers engaged straight to the end.
April 10, 2017
*Thank you to the author for giving me a free e-copy of this book to review!*
Actual Rating: 4.0
Wow. I just...wow. This story is absolutely inspiring.
Running from the Mirror captivated me from the very start, as it detailed the life of a young boy who experienced cruelty at the hands of his classmates because of his appearance.
This book completely revolutionized my perspective on what it feels like to be ostracized and judged for something you have no control over.
Beautiful, beautiful book. And the fact that it was real and that someone actually had to go through all this and STILL fought their way out is such an inspiration and display of strength. Amazing story.
Actual Rating: 4.0
Wow. I just...wow. This story is absolutely inspiring.
Running from the Mirror captivated me from the very start, as it detailed the life of a young boy who experienced cruelty at the hands of his classmates because of his appearance.
This book completely revolutionized my perspective on what it feels like to be ostracized and judged for something you have no control over.
Beautiful, beautiful book. And the fact that it was real and that someone actually had to go through all this and STILL fought their way out is such an inspiration and display of strength. Amazing story.
August 10, 2017
I would not have finished this if it hadn't been assigned for memoir club. The first third covering Shulman's deformities, surgeries and the painful childhood/adolescence that followed was good, but everything after that was downhill. I didn't respect him or feel connected to him as a person so I think I just stopped caring what happened.
The kicker was how incessantly he described the appearance of others in the most shallow ways possible (especially women). I found this deeply ironic considering how much of his life he spent being self-conscious about his own flaws. I don't recommend this one.
The kicker was how incessantly he described the appearance of others in the most shallow ways possible (especially women). I found this deeply ironic considering how much of his life he spent being self-conscious about his own flaws. I don't recommend this one.
December 4, 2015
Running from the Mirror by Howard Shulman is a memoir about Shulman’s life. When Shulman was just a newborn baby he contracted a staph infection that ate his face off. His parents did not want to deal with a child that had so many health issues so they gave him up for adoption. This is his story about growing up different and looking for a place to belong.
I thought Running from the Mirror was an interesting story. At times I felt really sorry for Shulman and wanted to give him a giant hug. Other times I wanted to yell at him because he kept making mistakes and hurting the only people that seemed to care for him. Growing up a foster kid is hard, but growing up a foster kid that requires a lot of medical care is even harder. Shulman’s foster parents, Shirl and Ed, were great. They might not have been perfect but I have tremendous respect for them hoping their home to a stranger. I thought that this story was going to turn out a little different, I was not expecting Shulman to become a drug dealer. I am glad that he finally found happiness but he walked a crooked road to get there. I can see this story being inspirational to some people. I liked the little follow up on all of Shulman’s friends at the end of the story. Reading Shulman’s words made me feel as if I too had knew his friends personally. Overall this was a good book. The only thing that I would have added was a picture of Shulman.
*I reviewed this book for Readers’ Favorite
I thought Running from the Mirror was an interesting story. At times I felt really sorry for Shulman and wanted to give him a giant hug. Other times I wanted to yell at him because he kept making mistakes and hurting the only people that seemed to care for him. Growing up a foster kid is hard, but growing up a foster kid that requires a lot of medical care is even harder. Shulman’s foster parents, Shirl and Ed, were great. They might not have been perfect but I have tremendous respect for them hoping their home to a stranger. I thought that this story was going to turn out a little different, I was not expecting Shulman to become a drug dealer. I am glad that he finally found happiness but he walked a crooked road to get there. I can see this story being inspirational to some people. I liked the little follow up on all of Shulman’s friends at the end of the story. Reading Shulman’s words made me feel as if I too had knew his friends personally. Overall this was a good book. The only thing that I would have added was a picture of Shulman.
*I reviewed this book for Readers’ Favorite
March 25, 2016
I have read few memoirs. However,after meeting Howard Shulman at the Southern California Writers Conferences and hearing a bit of his story, I picked up a copy of Running from Mirrors. I knew a little about the amazing story of how Howard came into the world as a normal healthy baby before a staff infection attached his face eating away his nose, lips and upper eyelids. I also knew that his parents had left him at the hospital and he became a ward of the state. I even knew he had become a drug deal, and then walked away. I wanted to know more. While shock that parents could walk away from their deformed child, after reading this compelling memoir, I realized that for Howard, that may have been for the best and helped to make him the man he is today. Fortunately, he had a remarkable set of foster parents, who loved, accepted him, and encouraged him.
His candid story of the ups and downs of growing up as what he describes as a monster and a ward of the state, (the rejection--the fortitude--the missteps-- the growth and redemption) is both heart wrenching and inspirational. It is the kind of story that creates a host of questions within the reader, You cringe at the cruelty of some and question what you might have done in Howard's place.
I was captivated by Howard's exceptional storytelling skills as well as his candor. Running form Mirrors kept me turning pages far into the night.
His candid story of the ups and downs of growing up as what he describes as a monster and a ward of the state, (the rejection--the fortitude--the missteps-- the growth and redemption) is both heart wrenching and inspirational. It is the kind of story that creates a host of questions within the reader, You cringe at the cruelty of some and question what you might have done in Howard's place.
I was captivated by Howard's exceptional storytelling skills as well as his candor. Running form Mirrors kept me turning pages far into the night.
October 9, 2015
Howard Shulman's raw honesty in how he describes growing up the monster kid at the mercy of an experimenting doctor and the opportunities he grasps to survive as a young adult (not all of them legal) brought tears to my eyes, caught my breath, and occasionally provoked a guilty grin. I'm not going to lie. Sometimes this is a painful read, for example, when he describes one of his Frankenstein-like surgeries:
"A large nine-by-eight-inch patch of skin was excised from my chest and shoulder, the graft then rolled up and stitched along the seam to create a headless snake of raw, living flesh. One end was then attached under my chin and the other to the tip of my reconstructed nose. This appendage, left to dangle in front of my face for the next six weeks, was a constant reminder of what I had gone through but one that gave me no idea where I was going. Doctor Gratz literally held my future in his hands."
If his childhood memories are gripping and intense, Shulman's irreverence in relaying shady career endeavors is equally engaging, possibly even a guilty pleasure (I’d give examples, except I hate when reviews spoil surprises). Ultimately, Shulman’s growth as he learns to accept himself, and he eventually finds love, is extremely satisfying.
"A large nine-by-eight-inch patch of skin was excised from my chest and shoulder, the graft then rolled up and stitched along the seam to create a headless snake of raw, living flesh. One end was then attached under my chin and the other to the tip of my reconstructed nose. This appendage, left to dangle in front of my face for the next six weeks, was a constant reminder of what I had gone through but one that gave me no idea where I was going. Doctor Gratz literally held my future in his hands."
If his childhood memories are gripping and intense, Shulman's irreverence in relaying shady career endeavors is equally engaging, possibly even a guilty pleasure (I’d give examples, except I hate when reviews spoil surprises). Ultimately, Shulman’s growth as he learns to accept himself, and he eventually finds love, is extremely satisfying.
June 22, 2016
The first and the last part of this memoir are definitely its strongest. In the first part, Shulman tells the story of how he was abandoned by his parents shortly after birth. This part also includes the portrayal of his foster family. The last part begins after the death of his foster mother and his decision to find and get in touch with his biological mother. These two parts are heartwrenching and compelling.
My issue with the middle part of the book (except for the parts in which the writer reflects on his life) is that the people surrounding him appear so much like stock characters. Furthermore, the narrative about his involvement in the drug trade and later the night club business becomes tedious and boring. While reading the story, one sometimes forgets Shulman's background. Although this might have been the writer's purpose, the narrative becomes just another story that really could have been told by anyone involved in the drug trade and later any type of business.
In spite if the tedious middle part of the memoir, its stronger sections definitely make it a worthy read.
My issue with the middle part of the book (except for the parts in which the writer reflects on his life) is that the people surrounding him appear so much like stock characters. Furthermore, the narrative about his involvement in the drug trade and later the night club business becomes tedious and boring. While reading the story, one sometimes forgets Shulman's background. Although this might have been the writer's purpose, the narrative becomes just another story that really could have been told by anyone involved in the drug trade and later any type of business.
In spite if the tedious middle part of the memoir, its stronger sections definitely make it a worthy read.
April 1, 2016
Running from the Mirror: A Memoir by Howard Shulman takes the reader on a journey with a man who has lived a unique life and tries to find meaning in it.
Being abandoned by his birth parents as an infant due to a staph infection that damaged half his face, Howard was left with a sense of lost. He was ridiculed and looked down upon for years for something that he could not control. Enduring several surgeries to reconstruct his face, Howard tried to find his way in life. He met some amazing people that help turn around his life. But, will he ever have his question answered - why was he abandoned in the first place?
Beautifully written with such emotion, I would highly recommend this 5-star book to those who enjoy inspiring novels.
For a full review of this inspiring novel, please click on the link below:
http://forums.onlinebookclub.org/view...
Feel free to leave your comments and thoughts!
Being abandoned by his birth parents as an infant due to a staph infection that damaged half his face, Howard was left with a sense of lost. He was ridiculed and looked down upon for years for something that he could not control. Enduring several surgeries to reconstruct his face, Howard tried to find his way in life. He met some amazing people that help turn around his life. But, will he ever have his question answered - why was he abandoned in the first place?
Beautifully written with such emotion, I would highly recommend this 5-star book to those who enjoy inspiring novels.
For a full review of this inspiring novel, please click on the link below:
http://forums.onlinebookclub.org/view...
Feel free to leave your comments and thoughts!
November 21, 2015
The blurb for this book sounded very interesting. A baby who was born perfect develops an infection in the hospital a few days after being born that disfigures his face. His parents are unable to handle this tragedy and leave the author in the hospital. The first part of this book was interesting... However, the second part just seems like the author is constantly judging people on their looks, the one thing that he hates that others do to him. He was very successful in his endeavors.... something most people are not. I didn't really see what struggles he had to overcome that were do to his face.
*** I received this book through Goodreads Member Giveaway. The opinion is solely my own. ***
*** I received this book through Goodreads Member Giveaway. The opinion is solely my own. ***
May 15, 2018
I received a copy of this book in a Goodreads giveaway.
Despite being deeply moved by Howard's plight as a child, I had a hard time connecting with some of this book. It isn't that it's not well written, it's just that I wish there had been a deeper insight into the emotional aspect of the story, rather than having to spend so much time reading about pot farming and the women he dated over the years. Overall I enjoyed the book, but I did end up skimming past a few parts that didn't quite capture my interest.
Despite being deeply moved by Howard's plight as a child, I had a hard time connecting with some of this book. It isn't that it's not well written, it's just that I wish there had been a deeper insight into the emotional aspect of the story, rather than having to spend so much time reading about pot farming and the women he dated over the years. Overall I enjoyed the book, but I did end up skimming past a few parts that didn't quite capture my interest.
July 28, 2016
Although life handed Howard a bushel of lemons he eventually worked his way through and made lemonade. An inspiring true story not just for those that are physically disfigured, but for everyone because everyone has those "why me" moments. I'm positive that Howard's story has changed me in a positive way. Thank you Howard for sharing your story.
FTC stuff; I received this book as a contest prise through a Goodreads Firstreads contest.
FTC stuff; I received this book as a contest prise through a Goodreads Firstreads contest.
March 22, 2024
I guess I was expecting something different from this book. I honestly can’t believe that this was all non-fiction.
October 27, 2017
Moving, memorable, an amazing memoir.
I love medical memoirs and snapped this book up about 18 months ago when it was on special offer. Fancy having this incredible book on my kindle all that time and not knowing how great it was going to be! This was a very varied, moving and emotional book. Memorable, and a truly remarkable memoir.
Howard Shulman was born perfectly normally, however his face was invaded by a staph infection at just 3 days old. His parents abandoned him due to his disfigurement. He tells of countless operations to reconstruct his face, foster carers, growing up, the mistakes he made, and finally finding happiness.
It’s inexplicable to me how any biological parents could abandon their own child, no matter what the occurrence. Thankfully, his eventual foster family treat him like one of their own. But, it’s not all plain sailing and there are many more hurdles which Howard will have to encounter in life. I mentioned this book to one of my friends who reads lots of memoirs written by foster carers and the various children they’ve cared for over the years-this is a fostering memoir with a difference, from the foster child’s point of view, and with the medical angle. One day, Howard asks of his foster mum: “Does my face bother you?” So poignant, that a child would have to ask this, it really tugs at your heartstrings.
I had a lump in my throat and a knot in my chest reading the final pages. Such an amazing and powerful story. I found the book so interesting and so moving. I won't forget Howard Shulman's story.
I'm guilty of having a backlog of reviews to do for books I've read but I can't remember feeling I really needed to hurry and get home from the supermarket to get a review posted before! In this case I felt I really needed to get my review done and tell this author how amazing his book is.
“Perhaps my story was never about my face but about the journey to arrive at a place of grace, which was far better than anything I could ever have imagined”. Brilliant quote by Howard Shulman which sums up his journey. An amazing memoir.
I love medical memoirs and snapped this book up about 18 months ago when it was on special offer. Fancy having this incredible book on my kindle all that time and not knowing how great it was going to be! This was a very varied, moving and emotional book. Memorable, and a truly remarkable memoir.
Howard Shulman was born perfectly normally, however his face was invaded by a staph infection at just 3 days old. His parents abandoned him due to his disfigurement. He tells of countless operations to reconstruct his face, foster carers, growing up, the mistakes he made, and finally finding happiness.
It’s inexplicable to me how any biological parents could abandon their own child, no matter what the occurrence. Thankfully, his eventual foster family treat him like one of their own. But, it’s not all plain sailing and there are many more hurdles which Howard will have to encounter in life. I mentioned this book to one of my friends who reads lots of memoirs written by foster carers and the various children they’ve cared for over the years-this is a fostering memoir with a difference, from the foster child’s point of view, and with the medical angle. One day, Howard asks of his foster mum: “Does my face bother you?” So poignant, that a child would have to ask this, it really tugs at your heartstrings.
I had a lump in my throat and a knot in my chest reading the final pages. Such an amazing and powerful story. I found the book so interesting and so moving. I won't forget Howard Shulman's story.
I'm guilty of having a backlog of reviews to do for books I've read but I can't remember feeling I really needed to hurry and get home from the supermarket to get a review posted before! In this case I felt I really needed to get my review done and tell this author how amazing his book is.
“Perhaps my story was never about my face but about the journey to arrive at a place of grace, which was far better than anything I could ever have imagined”. Brilliant quote by Howard Shulman which sums up his journey. An amazing memoir.
April 26, 2024
This is first time Dragon Feeder, Howard Shulman’s heartbreaking memoir, “Running From the Mirror”.
Howard is born perfectly normal. A beautiful boy with perfect, soft baby skin. Three days later, due to neglect on the part of the hospital, Howard’s perfect baby face is attacked by flesh eating bacteria. He is left badly wounded physically. This is 1961, the hospital does all it can, but the treatments are harsh and cannot stop this monster. Howard is abandoned by his parents. He is truly alone from the get go.
We see how Howard navigates the world around him. His surgeries with Dr. Gratz, a doctor who will enter his life many times in the next 18 years. We watch as Howard’s world expands from a barred crib to a house with a foster family. From foster family to his search and eventual meeting with his biological family. This book never stops moving once you start it.
I loved the honesty of this book. Howard was born in 1961. The book is a time capsule of memories. It is not gross nor self pitying, it just is in that way that my own memories come to me…good, bad or indifferent. They just are. In other words, Howard tells it like it is. If someone doesn’t make this into a movie, they are truly missing a golden opportunity at a hit. Howard’s story needs to be out there.
I read this in a day and a half (darn sleep) and I felt exhausted at the end because I get into the books I read
how Howard felt at the end of writing.
You will understand your fellow man better. You may even understand yourself better. To Mr. Shulman, I say, “Thank you.”
He has given us a story of frustration, rage, pluck, love and, more than once, breath holding anxiety.
Whether you like memoirs or not, I implore you to read “Running From the Mirror”.
Howard is born perfectly normal. A beautiful boy with perfect, soft baby skin. Three days later, due to neglect on the part of the hospital, Howard’s perfect baby face is attacked by flesh eating bacteria. He is left badly wounded physically. This is 1961, the hospital does all it can, but the treatments are harsh and cannot stop this monster. Howard is abandoned by his parents. He is truly alone from the get go.
We see how Howard navigates the world around him. His surgeries with Dr. Gratz, a doctor who will enter his life many times in the next 18 years. We watch as Howard’s world expands from a barred crib to a house with a foster family. From foster family to his search and eventual meeting with his biological family. This book never stops moving once you start it.
I loved the honesty of this book. Howard was born in 1961. The book is a time capsule of memories. It is not gross nor self pitying, it just is in that way that my own memories come to me…good, bad or indifferent. They just are. In other words, Howard tells it like it is. If someone doesn’t make this into a movie, they are truly missing a golden opportunity at a hit. Howard’s story needs to be out there.
I read this in a day and a half (darn sleep) and I felt exhausted at the end because I get into the books I read
how Howard felt at the end of writing.
You will understand your fellow man better. You may even understand yourself better. To Mr. Shulman, I say, “Thank you.”
He has given us a story of frustration, rage, pluck, love and, more than once, breath holding anxiety.
Whether you like memoirs or not, I implore you to read “Running From the Mirror”.
September 24, 2025
"Why does it take tragedy to recognize the gift of life?"
I went into this completely blind to Howard's life. What a story of complete human resistance. What I enjoyed so much about Howard was how open he was about his thoughts and feelings. It made his experience so much more accessible.
I especially understood the feeling that life owed him something - that he wanted to enjoy what he had in a real materialistic way and to fill his void with investments to feel like he belonged. His character shows in whom he surrounded himself with and the action he takes. His anger and helplessness are translated so well. He has every right to be upset with his mother and I'm glad he had a voice of reason after that meeting.
Some of the reviews on here are concerned with how real Howard's story is, having a hard time connecting with all the aspects.
If it's about the atmosphere:
Having grown up in Randolph, NJ and also had the pleasure of living in New Mexico, I felt like kin to his story.
If it's about the criminal portion:
You do what you need to do and without family, it's surprising the connections that you make, meh.
I went into this completely blind to Howard's life. What a story of complete human resistance. What I enjoyed so much about Howard was how open he was about his thoughts and feelings. It made his experience so much more accessible.
I especially understood the feeling that life owed him something - that he wanted to enjoy what he had in a real materialistic way and to fill his void with investments to feel like he belonged. His character shows in whom he surrounded himself with and the action he takes. His anger and helplessness are translated so well. He has every right to be upset with his mother and I'm glad he had a voice of reason after that meeting.
Some of the reviews on here are concerned with how real Howard's story is, having a hard time connecting with all the aspects.
If it's about the atmosphere:
Having grown up in Randolph, NJ and also had the pleasure of living in New Mexico, I felt like kin to his story.
If it's about the criminal portion:
You do what you need to do and without family, it's surprising the connections that you make, meh.
August 16, 2024
(Audio book) Exceptional narration of this memoir! Born with a staph infection that leaves his face disfigured, Howard is abandoned as a newborn by his parents, enduring the countless medical procedures, the bullying, the foster system, and triumphs in the end. The only reason I didn’t give this book a 5 is because the synopsis makes it sound like he arose from ashes:
Relying on little more than street smarts and grit, he rises from dishwasher to successful entrepreneur.
What the summary fails to mention is that it’s due to illegal activity, so please spare me the ‘dishwasher to entrepreneur’ bit because starting adult life with $500,000 of drug money isn’t exactly “self made”. Describing (flaunting?) his expensive clothes, dinners, travels, real estate deals…it’s all entertaining and read that part with suspicious eyes. 👀 The story picked up he found his birth mother—unforgivable, but that’s on her to live with. You can’t help but root for him throughout!
Relying on little more than street smarts and grit, he rises from dishwasher to successful entrepreneur.
What the summary fails to mention is that it’s due to illegal activity, so please spare me the ‘dishwasher to entrepreneur’ bit because starting adult life with $500,000 of drug money isn’t exactly “self made”. Describing (flaunting?) his expensive clothes, dinners, travels, real estate deals…it’s all entertaining and read that part with suspicious eyes. 👀 The story picked up he found his birth mother—unforgivable, but that’s on her to live with. You can’t help but root for him throughout!
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
September 2, 2024
What an incredible life - couldn’t believe the direction this went. Super immersive, inspiring, beautiful writing. One of the greatest memoirs I’ve ever read
May 22, 2026
The short version?
Let's just say I'm glad I borrowed this book, and didn't pay for it.
Here's the long one:
The premise for this book, at the start, seemed like it was going to be interesting; Howard, as a newborn, is given up to New Jersey state custody by his parents, Leonard and Sarah Shulman, presumably because a severe staph infection wreaked havoc on Howard's face, leaving him with facial differences that would require many painful surgeries.
Howard speaks of the anxiety, the pain, the intimidating doctor he had to face all the time who seemed to think of him as a science experiment, all the while his home was in a hospital, with only the nurses and volunteers to socialize with, which casts a sympathetic picture; you can't help but feel very badly for this little boy.
Howard is put into the foster home of Shirl and Ed Mackey when he is around 4-5 years old, a typical blue collar family in New Jersey, with lno social skills. Thankfully, the foster home is a good one, with Shirl being a very caring mother who thinks of Howard as one of her own, Ed, who he describes as being very similar to Jackie Gleeson in appearance and attitude (ugh) is a sitcom Ralph Cramden/Archie Bunker stereotype, gruff, temperamental, and expecting his wife and kids to go along with all his ideas and his relentless hard work on the property, yet he shows that he does love them in his own way. He is especially tough on his oldest son, who in turn bosses around Howard and the youngest daughter, Robin. Lisa, the middle daughter, is described as pretty and popular, and not at home much, so we don't hear much about her. Howard grows closest to Robin, who is athletic and likes playing outdoors like he does.
As it is the mid 60s , Howard is first placed in a "special school" as he describes it, due to his facial differences, even though he has no other disability. Hearing Howard have dismay at going on the "short bus" and his description of the severely disabled kids and the decrepit "school" that takes place in a grubby basement made me wince. I know we are seeing this through the eyes of a child, but Howard's adult reflection seems to be consistently wanting to point out that he doesn't belong in this school, and describes the kids like they are monsters, which is exactly what he experiences with his own bullying. Having a disabled daughter myself, I would have liked to have seen some more retrospection on Howard's behalf, maybe linking his judgments to others, or explaining that these were a child's prejudices, but he never does.
Finally, Howard gets placed in a mainstream elementary. Ed's gruff , "be a man" advice is for him to "take no crap from any one." As a result, Howard pummels a bully and gets respect from the other kids for it. Defending himself is one thing, but this becomes Howard's way of asserting himself and interacting with others; he's either talking tough or beating someone up. He doesn't try at all at school, and even though he makes friends and school gets better, he seems to constantly be feeling sorry for himself; he feels downtrodden because he's in foster care. He feels traumatized by his bio parents abandonment, and his appearance. I can understand a child feeling this way..but again..we get no reflection, and unfortunately, Howard never grows out of this.
As Howard is having trouble in public school, his teacher recommends he go to a private school with smaller classes.
By some miracle ( I certainly can't see it happening now), the State pays for Howard to attend the Bement School, a very exclusive, expensive boarding school, and the expensive wardrobe to go with it. The campus is amazing, and despite his poor grades and attitude, Bement accepts him.
Howard likes Bement at first, he's accepted among the students, and forms a bond with one of the teachers, Mr. Young. Mr. Young cares about Howard and wants to see him succeed. When Howard starts acting out again, mouthing off in class and getting into fights, he gets stern warnings, but the normally strict administration is bending over backwards to accommodate him and give him seemingly endless "second chances". At first, Howard wants to start with a clean slate, worried about losing a position in a school with so much opportunity. We have hope for him, and that goes downhill quickly. Howard shoplifts, despite being able to afford the expensive gloves he steals with a part time job he had over the summer as a dishwasher (so that he could get the expensive leather shoes that Ed, understandably, couldn't or wouldn't pay for.), and generally is an ass to all the teachers and some of the students, barely trying despite having a lot of help to get him more on track with the elite education the other students have, and his being of normal intelligence.
It's clear Howard no longer cares, and has an annoying sense of entitlement and a "poor me' attitude. He resents the preppy kids for having money and all that he doesn't. He resents having to work when they don't. He hates having to have "used ski equipment' and learning to ski when they already know. etc. etc. etc. He feels he just can't "belong", despite the fact that he's given so much support and the other students have basically accepted him.
Predictably, Howard is thrown out after finally exhausting his million and one chances, and knows Ed and Shirl will be furious he threw this opportunity away, as Ed had basically told him not to f**k this up and he was really lucky to get to go to such a school and have opportunities other kids didn't. In this case, I agree with Ed. They are furious, and Howard goes back to public school. Now he's complaining he doesn't fit in with the kids there, even though they start to accept him and give him little grief. He complains about all his missed opportunities being kicked out of Bement.He says his Bement trained manners single him out, and how he feels isolated from his foster family with his wealthy etiquette against their blue collar lifestyle, more than broadly hinting that he now feels a cut above them. (He seems to always be a "grass is greener" person, and is turning into a bitter snob.)Once again, Howard is troublesome at school, doing the same things, and has to leave.
Howard glosses over what happens at home, but basically Ed and Shirl tell him he has to go live somewhere else for awhile, his rebelliousness and lack of respect just aren't working out. Again, Howard blames Ed and Shirl for not wanting him. not taking any ownership on why this happened.
Howard is placed in a couple of foster homes, where he pulls out all the stops and makes one in particular all the negative Italian stereotypes you can think of. He goes on about the poverty of the area, the house, and the lack of education these people have. He shows some measure of gratitude, but not for long.
By about age 16, Howard is living on his own. Tired of being a busboy and making meagre wages, Howard manages to move up to being a cook in a restaurant, and again...you guessed it..gets fired for losing his temper at his supervisor, who is admittedly a jerk, but still.
At 18, Howard gets a large settlement for the medical malpractice he suffered as a baby, a sum that would be considerable today and astronomical in the time this was written. Howard manages to blow through all the money in no time, on stuff like a motorcycle, drugs, etc. Howard had convinced his very nice landlady/guardian to advocate give him an advance on his trust fund so he can go to chef school, and cashes it in to buy a fancy moped, lying about being in school to this nice lady who is trying to look out for him.
Howard, not wanting a poor lifestyle anymore, with no high school diploma, and having burned all his bridges (the supervisor said he'd never work in that city again), decides to get into the drug trade, first working as an underling for a big-time marijuana dealer, and working his way up via mouthing off and intimidating others (i found it hard to believe that the Mexican cartel leader let him off when he did this to him, as he admired his courage. Can't see that happening). Howard has by now moved to Arizona.
Making a fortune in crime money and evading police, Howard moves from Arizona to Mexico to California in a confusing sequence. He finally finds love with a woman named Lena, that he describes as very beautiful and kind. Lena is from then-Yugoslavia, and Howard seems to go to great length to describe her "tiny" apartment and point out that she doesn't have money. Howard ends up splitting with Lena after knowing he can never open up to her, although I think Lena's side of the story might be quite different. He describes Lena in embarrassingly glowing,condescending terms that cast her as this innocent beauty that he falls in love with..but somehow, despite him saying Lena was a much better person than he was (and he's right), Howard seems to be very condescending about the fact that Lena has little money or sophistication. Having come into his fortune and polished appearance and mannerisms by basically becoming a big time dealer and rubbing shoulders with people that are basically like the Mob, Howard really shouldn't see that as a flex.
Sometimes, he realizes his world is superficial.,then goes back to bragging about it, dropping more clothing brand names, luxury cars he or others own, and his glittery life in La Jolla that makes you think that he really doesn't want to leave it at all. I keep waiting, and he never does. He sees it as superficial, but stays there nonetheless. He admires Lena and the women that come after him (who all seem to be very similar people) for having little money but meaningful lives, but again, he keeps on being a bigshot that owns a club and intimidates mob leaders and anyone that dares to cross his path. If he really thought it was so meaningless, he would have done something meaningful.
Two more significant women come into Howard's life. Sabrina, a poor but very enlightened, beautiful Latina woman (eerily described very similarly to Lena, where they sound like magical, ethereal beings and not real women, which seems to be the epitome of a Freudian slip.) who teaches children with disabilities. Sabrina is put on a pedestal, and again, it comes crashing down when Howard first screams at and nearly assaults a ticket scalper, then makes a big, embarrassing show of buying Sabrina an "inexpensive, used Jetta" so she won't refuse the gift (yuck) after her car breaks down. Their relationship is already cooling, and it's almost like he thinks this will win her over. Sabrina at first refuses, he insists, then realizes Sabrina can't drive standard (he didn't check?) and somehow thinks he can teach her this overnight. His temper flares again and makes Sabrina so nervous that she drives off the road, and while he begs her to take her back again, she says this time it's final. Howard, again, talks about being depressed and ashamed, but stays in the same rut. By this time, he would have heard of and could afford thereapy, but again, does nothing to try to better himself except continue to intimidate drug and mob kingpin types and make more money. (again, KC, a man who made his money via suspicious origins, is impressed when Howard tells him off, screaming at him and trying to be intimidating, and KC then cuts him a cheque immediately for the 350K he owes him, saying to his bodyguards who are on alert that he "loves this kid" and starts to laugh. This sounds more like the plot of "Goodfellas" or something than real life, and I have a suspicion it either never happened or is heavily embellished. )
Howard deals with the loss of his foster father, Ed, again ashamed and promising he'll do better, and I'm sure you can guess what happens then. He lies to everyone about how he makes his money, and keeps in contact, albeit distantly, with the Mackey family that he considers his own., somehow instantly forgiving them for "Abandoning" him but not showing the same mercy to others, which leads to my next point.
Howard meets another woman, Helena, that is also stunningly beautiful , Latina, and again, sounds like the other women, except she is flamboyant and confident where they were shy shrinking violets . (maybe he's just bad at describing women.) Disturbingly, through each of these relationships, he claims the one woman he's currently with is the only one that helped him open up , to see true goodness, to feel love, the only one he felt this way about, yadda yadda..and he'd literally just said that about the woman before them. Ouch. They're more like caricatures of ideal women , paper dolls, rather than real people. Helena becomes his friend, not a girlfriend, as she already has a boyfriend and..you guessed it..he's gotten restless again and decides to move to Manhattan, NY.
Howard then decides to , predictably, track down his birth parents. He uses some expensive service that gives him a list of Shulmans in New Jersey out of a phone book (and he didn't yell at them for ripping him off? He could have done this himself. But again, who knows what is truth and fiction.)
He rehearses what he will say should he reach his birth parents, and realizes he can't drop the bomb of saying "I'm your biological son" after decades of no contact..then proceeds to do that, having me cringing and in disbelief (although nothing should surprise me by now.).
He reaches his bio mother, Sarah, and immediately says he's her bio son. She says she knew he'd call, which he credits to mother's intuition, but I doubt it took psychic ability to realize that your bio son might try to find you one day, again putting a woman into some mystical realm. Sarah is understandably upset and distant, and explains that Leonard died, says Howard is of Russian Jewish lineage on both sides, (which Howard said the Mackeys had alluded to but never confirmed. Again, it doesn't take much brainpower to guess that Leonard and Sarah Shulman, given their names, just might be Jewish.), and has grown siblings. Howard tries to grill Sarah about why she gave him up, and she tearfully says he doesn't know how hard it was to handle it, and he resents this. He resents Sarah talking about the success of her children, resents her calling them and not him about her child, and imagines their life of suburban luxury that he never had.
After pestering Sarah to meet, she finally agrees. Howard meets her at a coffee shop and begins by mentally critiquing her wardrobe (which he admits is a crappy thing to do), and is shocked that they have no connection. (really?). Sarah had asked Howard to promise not to grill and upset her again, he did, but you guessed it..his aggression rears its' ugly head again.
Like the proverbial broken record, Howard asks why she gave him up, and Sarah tearfully tells him he's gotten enough of an answer and that's all she has to give. Sarah proudly talks about her children when Howard re directs her to try to keep her talking, and again, this has him seething. He really goes into a spiral when Sarah discusses a charity she and Leonard started to help Jewish children, retreating to the washroom and mentally telling off Sarah for doing this, calling her a hypocrite and worse, for helping other children when she didn't help him. She keeps confronting and badgering her until finally the meeting is over.
Howard talks to and eventually meets his grown siblings, David, Joseph, and Linda.David, the eldest, is a prominent attorney and very skeptical of Leonard and protective of his mother. They meet for lunch one day, of course in a swanky place where Howard again boasts to the reader about his expensively tailored outfit and how he picks up the entire tab. David is admittedly blunt with Howard, asking what exactly he wants from them, and Howard angrily tells him not to patronize him and that he doesn't want anything, again having a childhood tantrum reaction. Howard doesn't really talk to Sarah much after this, and only talks to Joseph, who is kind to him, on a sporadic but regular basis.
There's an odd interlude when Howard decides to rent part of his house, again in either California or Arizona, to a Mexican woman and her kids, and gets creepily close to the family, thinking of them as his, and I don't think it's reciprocated. He again plays the Daddy Warbucks role and offers to put the mother, Gloria, through nursing school. It's evident that Howard, understandably, has a lot of trouble forming healthy attachments to people and/or reading social cues; he either gets uncomfortably close too soon, loses his temper with them and scares them off, or misreads entire situations. While this is very likely trauma from childhood, Howard still does not unpack this but keeps living the same aimless, materialistic life and complaining about how hard done by he is.
I also wanted to point out that I got alarm bells from the fact that Howard's significant girlfriends, and Gloria and her family, were all Mexican or from another country. I realize being in California and Arizona he would meet a lot of Mexican people, but it just made me wonder if he consciously or unconsciously sought out low-income, kind , intelligent Mexican women that he felt he could "save" and feel superior over as he had money and his neighbourhood was fancy, whereas he paints theirs like some stereotype out of "Chico and the Man". He both says his life is meaningless compared to theirs, and flaunts his wealth, which is baffling. I'll leave that to the psychiatrists to figure out.
The book abruptly (and mercifully ends) with Howard sharing a letter he says he wrote to Sarah, basically pointing out that he had done soul-searching, realized he was a jerk, and now has a better understanding of what she went through. She understandably never answers, but he says he wishes her well.
An epilogue tells us a little about the people mentioned in the book, and that he eventually married Helena and is stepdad to her two girls.
Throught my read, I kept thinking of Howard as being an adult version of Holden Caulfield, ; a privileged, selfish, cocky kid who thinks he's a cut above everyone else, and spends most of his time getting kicked out of schools and coasting based on their sheer arrogance alone.
Howard's book is also a hot mess of convoluted stories, jumping timelines, and places..it is the written equivalent of "Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas", (Howard sounds suspiciously like he's modelling himself after Thompson, Belfort, and Caulfield with a dash of Gatsby, which suggests he still has a shaky sense of self.) without the brilliance and artistry, and leaving only a confusing , murky kaleidoscope of a fever dream that amounts to nothing once you wake up. Howard could use an editor , self awareness, and therapy.
Let's just say I'm glad I borrowed this book, and didn't pay for it.
Here's the long one:
The premise for this book, at the start, seemed like it was going to be interesting; Howard, as a newborn, is given up to New Jersey state custody by his parents, Leonard and Sarah Shulman, presumably because a severe staph infection wreaked havoc on Howard's face, leaving him with facial differences that would require many painful surgeries.
Howard speaks of the anxiety, the pain, the intimidating doctor he had to face all the time who seemed to think of him as a science experiment, all the while his home was in a hospital, with only the nurses and volunteers to socialize with, which casts a sympathetic picture; you can't help but feel very badly for this little boy.
Howard is put into the foster home of Shirl and Ed Mackey when he is around 4-5 years old, a typical blue collar family in New Jersey, with lno social skills. Thankfully, the foster home is a good one, with Shirl being a very caring mother who thinks of Howard as one of her own, Ed, who he describes as being very similar to Jackie Gleeson in appearance and attitude (ugh) is a sitcom Ralph Cramden/Archie Bunker stereotype, gruff, temperamental, and expecting his wife and kids to go along with all his ideas and his relentless hard work on the property, yet he shows that he does love them in his own way. He is especially tough on his oldest son, who in turn bosses around Howard and the youngest daughter, Robin. Lisa, the middle daughter, is described as pretty and popular, and not at home much, so we don't hear much about her. Howard grows closest to Robin, who is athletic and likes playing outdoors like he does.
As it is the mid 60s , Howard is first placed in a "special school" as he describes it, due to his facial differences, even though he has no other disability. Hearing Howard have dismay at going on the "short bus" and his description of the severely disabled kids and the decrepit "school" that takes place in a grubby basement made me wince. I know we are seeing this through the eyes of a child, but Howard's adult reflection seems to be consistently wanting to point out that he doesn't belong in this school, and describes the kids like they are monsters, which is exactly what he experiences with his own bullying. Having a disabled daughter myself, I would have liked to have seen some more retrospection on Howard's behalf, maybe linking his judgments to others, or explaining that these were a child's prejudices, but he never does.
Finally, Howard gets placed in a mainstream elementary. Ed's gruff , "be a man" advice is for him to "take no crap from any one." As a result, Howard pummels a bully and gets respect from the other kids for it. Defending himself is one thing, but this becomes Howard's way of asserting himself and interacting with others; he's either talking tough or beating someone up. He doesn't try at all at school, and even though he makes friends and school gets better, he seems to constantly be feeling sorry for himself; he feels downtrodden because he's in foster care. He feels traumatized by his bio parents abandonment, and his appearance. I can understand a child feeling this way..but again..we get no reflection, and unfortunately, Howard never grows out of this.
As Howard is having trouble in public school, his teacher recommends he go to a private school with smaller classes.
By some miracle ( I certainly can't see it happening now), the State pays for Howard to attend the Bement School, a very exclusive, expensive boarding school, and the expensive wardrobe to go with it. The campus is amazing, and despite his poor grades and attitude, Bement accepts him.
Howard likes Bement at first, he's accepted among the students, and forms a bond with one of the teachers, Mr. Young. Mr. Young cares about Howard and wants to see him succeed. When Howard starts acting out again, mouthing off in class and getting into fights, he gets stern warnings, but the normally strict administration is bending over backwards to accommodate him and give him seemingly endless "second chances". At first, Howard wants to start with a clean slate, worried about losing a position in a school with so much opportunity. We have hope for him, and that goes downhill quickly. Howard shoplifts, despite being able to afford the expensive gloves he steals with a part time job he had over the summer as a dishwasher (so that he could get the expensive leather shoes that Ed, understandably, couldn't or wouldn't pay for.), and generally is an ass to all the teachers and some of the students, barely trying despite having a lot of help to get him more on track with the elite education the other students have, and his being of normal intelligence.
It's clear Howard no longer cares, and has an annoying sense of entitlement and a "poor me' attitude. He resents the preppy kids for having money and all that he doesn't. He resents having to work when they don't. He hates having to have "used ski equipment' and learning to ski when they already know. etc. etc. etc. He feels he just can't "belong", despite the fact that he's given so much support and the other students have basically accepted him.
Predictably, Howard is thrown out after finally exhausting his million and one chances, and knows Ed and Shirl will be furious he threw this opportunity away, as Ed had basically told him not to f**k this up and he was really lucky to get to go to such a school and have opportunities other kids didn't. In this case, I agree with Ed. They are furious, and Howard goes back to public school. Now he's complaining he doesn't fit in with the kids there, even though they start to accept him and give him little grief. He complains about all his missed opportunities being kicked out of Bement.He says his Bement trained manners single him out, and how he feels isolated from his foster family with his wealthy etiquette against their blue collar lifestyle, more than broadly hinting that he now feels a cut above them. (He seems to always be a "grass is greener" person, and is turning into a bitter snob.)Once again, Howard is troublesome at school, doing the same things, and has to leave.
Howard glosses over what happens at home, but basically Ed and Shirl tell him he has to go live somewhere else for awhile, his rebelliousness and lack of respect just aren't working out. Again, Howard blames Ed and Shirl for not wanting him. not taking any ownership on why this happened.
Howard is placed in a couple of foster homes, where he pulls out all the stops and makes one in particular all the negative Italian stereotypes you can think of. He goes on about the poverty of the area, the house, and the lack of education these people have. He shows some measure of gratitude, but not for long.
By about age 16, Howard is living on his own. Tired of being a busboy and making meagre wages, Howard manages to move up to being a cook in a restaurant, and again...you guessed it..gets fired for losing his temper at his supervisor, who is admittedly a jerk, but still.
At 18, Howard gets a large settlement for the medical malpractice he suffered as a baby, a sum that would be considerable today and astronomical in the time this was written. Howard manages to blow through all the money in no time, on stuff like a motorcycle, drugs, etc. Howard had convinced his very nice landlady/guardian to advocate give him an advance on his trust fund so he can go to chef school, and cashes it in to buy a fancy moped, lying about being in school to this nice lady who is trying to look out for him.
Howard, not wanting a poor lifestyle anymore, with no high school diploma, and having burned all his bridges (the supervisor said he'd never work in that city again), decides to get into the drug trade, first working as an underling for a big-time marijuana dealer, and working his way up via mouthing off and intimidating others (i found it hard to believe that the Mexican cartel leader let him off when he did this to him, as he admired his courage. Can't see that happening). Howard has by now moved to Arizona.
Making a fortune in crime money and evading police, Howard moves from Arizona to Mexico to California in a confusing sequence. He finally finds love with a woman named Lena, that he describes as very beautiful and kind. Lena is from then-Yugoslavia, and Howard seems to go to great length to describe her "tiny" apartment and point out that she doesn't have money. Howard ends up splitting with Lena after knowing he can never open up to her, although I think Lena's side of the story might be quite different. He describes Lena in embarrassingly glowing,condescending terms that cast her as this innocent beauty that he falls in love with..but somehow, despite him saying Lena was a much better person than he was (and he's right), Howard seems to be very condescending about the fact that Lena has little money or sophistication. Having come into his fortune and polished appearance and mannerisms by basically becoming a big time dealer and rubbing shoulders with people that are basically like the Mob, Howard really shouldn't see that as a flex.
Sometimes, he realizes his world is superficial.,then goes back to bragging about it, dropping more clothing brand names, luxury cars he or others own, and his glittery life in La Jolla that makes you think that he really doesn't want to leave it at all. I keep waiting, and he never does. He sees it as superficial, but stays there nonetheless. He admires Lena and the women that come after him (who all seem to be very similar people) for having little money but meaningful lives, but again, he keeps on being a bigshot that owns a club and intimidates mob leaders and anyone that dares to cross his path. If he really thought it was so meaningless, he would have done something meaningful.
Two more significant women come into Howard's life. Sabrina, a poor but very enlightened, beautiful Latina woman (eerily described very similarly to Lena, where they sound like magical, ethereal beings and not real women, which seems to be the epitome of a Freudian slip.) who teaches children with disabilities. Sabrina is put on a pedestal, and again, it comes crashing down when Howard first screams at and nearly assaults a ticket scalper, then makes a big, embarrassing show of buying Sabrina an "inexpensive, used Jetta" so she won't refuse the gift (yuck) after her car breaks down. Their relationship is already cooling, and it's almost like he thinks this will win her over. Sabrina at first refuses, he insists, then realizes Sabrina can't drive standard (he didn't check?) and somehow thinks he can teach her this overnight. His temper flares again and makes Sabrina so nervous that she drives off the road, and while he begs her to take her back again, she says this time it's final. Howard, again, talks about being depressed and ashamed, but stays in the same rut. By this time, he would have heard of and could afford thereapy, but again, does nothing to try to better himself except continue to intimidate drug and mob kingpin types and make more money. (again, KC, a man who made his money via suspicious origins, is impressed when Howard tells him off, screaming at him and trying to be intimidating, and KC then cuts him a cheque immediately for the 350K he owes him, saying to his bodyguards who are on alert that he "loves this kid" and starts to laugh. This sounds more like the plot of "Goodfellas" or something than real life, and I have a suspicion it either never happened or is heavily embellished. )
Howard deals with the loss of his foster father, Ed, again ashamed and promising he'll do better, and I'm sure you can guess what happens then. He lies to everyone about how he makes his money, and keeps in contact, albeit distantly, with the Mackey family that he considers his own., somehow instantly forgiving them for "Abandoning" him but not showing the same mercy to others, which leads to my next point.
Howard meets another woman, Helena, that is also stunningly beautiful , Latina, and again, sounds like the other women, except she is flamboyant and confident where they were shy shrinking violets . (maybe he's just bad at describing women.) Disturbingly, through each of these relationships, he claims the one woman he's currently with is the only one that helped him open up , to see true goodness, to feel love, the only one he felt this way about, yadda yadda..and he'd literally just said that about the woman before them. Ouch. They're more like caricatures of ideal women , paper dolls, rather than real people. Helena becomes his friend, not a girlfriend, as she already has a boyfriend and..you guessed it..he's gotten restless again and decides to move to Manhattan, NY.
Howard then decides to , predictably, track down his birth parents. He uses some expensive service that gives him a list of Shulmans in New Jersey out of a phone book (and he didn't yell at them for ripping him off? He could have done this himself. But again, who knows what is truth and fiction.)
He rehearses what he will say should he reach his birth parents, and realizes he can't drop the bomb of saying "I'm your biological son" after decades of no contact..then proceeds to do that, having me cringing and in disbelief (although nothing should surprise me by now.).
He reaches his bio mother, Sarah, and immediately says he's her bio son. She says she knew he'd call, which he credits to mother's intuition, but I doubt it took psychic ability to realize that your bio son might try to find you one day, again putting a woman into some mystical realm. Sarah is understandably upset and distant, and explains that Leonard died, says Howard is of Russian Jewish lineage on both sides, (which Howard said the Mackeys had alluded to but never confirmed. Again, it doesn't take much brainpower to guess that Leonard and Sarah Shulman, given their names, just might be Jewish.), and has grown siblings. Howard tries to grill Sarah about why she gave him up, and she tearfully says he doesn't know how hard it was to handle it, and he resents this. He resents Sarah talking about the success of her children, resents her calling them and not him about her child, and imagines their life of suburban luxury that he never had.
After pestering Sarah to meet, she finally agrees. Howard meets her at a coffee shop and begins by mentally critiquing her wardrobe (which he admits is a crappy thing to do), and is shocked that they have no connection. (really?). Sarah had asked Howard to promise not to grill and upset her again, he did, but you guessed it..his aggression rears its' ugly head again.
Like the proverbial broken record, Howard asks why she gave him up, and Sarah tearfully tells him he's gotten enough of an answer and that's all she has to give. Sarah proudly talks about her children when Howard re directs her to try to keep her talking, and again, this has him seething. He really goes into a spiral when Sarah discusses a charity she and Leonard started to help Jewish children, retreating to the washroom and mentally telling off Sarah for doing this, calling her a hypocrite and worse, for helping other children when she didn't help him. She keeps confronting and badgering her until finally the meeting is over.
Howard talks to and eventually meets his grown siblings, David, Joseph, and Linda.David, the eldest, is a prominent attorney and very skeptical of Leonard and protective of his mother. They meet for lunch one day, of course in a swanky place where Howard again boasts to the reader about his expensively tailored outfit and how he picks up the entire tab. David is admittedly blunt with Howard, asking what exactly he wants from them, and Howard angrily tells him not to patronize him and that he doesn't want anything, again having a childhood tantrum reaction. Howard doesn't really talk to Sarah much after this, and only talks to Joseph, who is kind to him, on a sporadic but regular basis.
There's an odd interlude when Howard decides to rent part of his house, again in either California or Arizona, to a Mexican woman and her kids, and gets creepily close to the family, thinking of them as his, and I don't think it's reciprocated. He again plays the Daddy Warbucks role and offers to put the mother, Gloria, through nursing school. It's evident that Howard, understandably, has a lot of trouble forming healthy attachments to people and/or reading social cues; he either gets uncomfortably close too soon, loses his temper with them and scares them off, or misreads entire situations. While this is very likely trauma from childhood, Howard still does not unpack this but keeps living the same aimless, materialistic life and complaining about how hard done by he is.
I also wanted to point out that I got alarm bells from the fact that Howard's significant girlfriends, and Gloria and her family, were all Mexican or from another country. I realize being in California and Arizona he would meet a lot of Mexican people, but it just made me wonder if he consciously or unconsciously sought out low-income, kind , intelligent Mexican women that he felt he could "save" and feel superior over as he had money and his neighbourhood was fancy, whereas he paints theirs like some stereotype out of "Chico and the Man". He both says his life is meaningless compared to theirs, and flaunts his wealth, which is baffling. I'll leave that to the psychiatrists to figure out.
The book abruptly (and mercifully ends) with Howard sharing a letter he says he wrote to Sarah, basically pointing out that he had done soul-searching, realized he was a jerk, and now has a better understanding of what she went through. She understandably never answers, but he says he wishes her well.
An epilogue tells us a little about the people mentioned in the book, and that he eventually married Helena and is stepdad to her two girls.
Throught my read, I kept thinking of Howard as being an adult version of Holden Caulfield, ; a privileged, selfish, cocky kid who thinks he's a cut above everyone else, and spends most of his time getting kicked out of schools and coasting based on their sheer arrogance alone.
Howard's book is also a hot mess of convoluted stories, jumping timelines, and places..it is the written equivalent of "Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas", (Howard sounds suspiciously like he's modelling himself after Thompson, Belfort, and Caulfield with a dash of Gatsby, which suggests he still has a shaky sense of self.) without the brilliance and artistry, and leaving only a confusing , murky kaleidoscope of a fever dream that amounts to nothing once you wake up. Howard could use an editor , self awareness, and therapy.
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
February 18, 2024
What an amazing true story, I enjoyed every part of this book. He overcame such odds to end up the person that he became, a strong and beautiful guy and i have nothing but admiration for him--his obstacles would have been impossible for most people. I have recommended his book to many people.
March 4, 2024
Running from the mirror
A wonderful biography of a man who struggled with much loss and cruelty in life, who ultimately found what we are all looking for, love of ourselves and others.
A wonderful biography of a man who struggled with much loss and cruelty in life, who ultimately found what we are all looking for, love of ourselves and others.
February 28, 2024
Wonderful story
I really enjoyed Howard's story. I'm glad he found joy and peace in his life. I highly recommend this book.
I really enjoyed Howard's story. I'm glad he found joy and peace in his life. I highly recommend this book.
February 27, 2024
This was a very sad and stone faced book in the beginning. You'll be drawn in immediately to the character and start feeling right away. Can you imagine? Just read it.
May 4, 2026
I seem to be in the minority but I couldn't finish this book. It started off very good but really dropped off. I didn't find it very well written at all.
August 27, 2016
Three days after his birth in July 1961, American baby Howard Shulman developed a bacterial infection that devoured half his face.
But far from taking him home to start to heal and nurture, Shulman’s distraught parents abandoned him by signing him over as a ward of the State of New Jersey, believing falsely that he would be adopted.
Instead, he was placed in good-hearted foster care and became the patient of a cold-mannered, cack-handed surgeon who went on to perform scores of operations upon him, many of which would now be considered barbaric.
But it is only in the final third of Shulman’s memoir that we learn for certain what we suspect from the start:
His parents were not only Jewish but deeply involved in synagogue and communal affairs; that Shulman was not their first child, but that he has two brothers and a sister who were automatically granted the Jewish birthright that he has been forever denied.
Because of what has happened to him, Shulman cares little about his Jewish background. But I can’t fathom why his parents did not look for help from the community in which they were so deeply immersed; arrange for a circumcision and – despite their revulsed self-loathing shame - for him to be cared for by a Jewish foster family which would have given him a solid understanding of his background.
Instead, he was cut adrift and bar the occasional flash of good luck and glimpse of happiness, he was left to live on his wits, enjoying some success and domestic fulfilment, despite the thousand obstacles flung in his way.
Shulman’s story, which appeared originally as Freak: Memoir of an Outcast, has since been most adroitly edited and reads like an engrossing thriller with an engaging, ugly-beautiful anti-hero who finds redemption.
The best tribute I can give this astonishing tale is to urge you to stare into the author’s mirror for yourself!
But far from taking him home to start to heal and nurture, Shulman’s distraught parents abandoned him by signing him over as a ward of the State of New Jersey, believing falsely that he would be adopted.
Instead, he was placed in good-hearted foster care and became the patient of a cold-mannered, cack-handed surgeon who went on to perform scores of operations upon him, many of which would now be considered barbaric.
But it is only in the final third of Shulman’s memoir that we learn for certain what we suspect from the start:
His parents were not only Jewish but deeply involved in synagogue and communal affairs; that Shulman was not their first child, but that he has two brothers and a sister who were automatically granted the Jewish birthright that he has been forever denied.
Because of what has happened to him, Shulman cares little about his Jewish background. But I can’t fathom why his parents did not look for help from the community in which they were so deeply immersed; arrange for a circumcision and – despite their revulsed self-loathing shame - for him to be cared for by a Jewish foster family which would have given him a solid understanding of his background.
Instead, he was cut adrift and bar the occasional flash of good luck and glimpse of happiness, he was left to live on his wits, enjoying some success and domestic fulfilment, despite the thousand obstacles flung in his way.
Shulman’s story, which appeared originally as Freak: Memoir of an Outcast, has since been most adroitly edited and reads like an engrossing thriller with an engaging, ugly-beautiful anti-hero who finds redemption.
The best tribute I can give this astonishing tale is to urge you to stare into the author’s mirror for yourself!
June 23, 2016
Beautifully written book on the life of Howard Schulman. A life that is truly unique and demonstrates the strength that Howard has developed throughout from the many setbacks, pain, and challenges he has had to face. Born abandoned as an infant for having a misconfigured face due to an infection, otherwise super healthy and intelligent being, his biological parents are the scums of society for doing that to a child and leaving him to die. If it weren't for the system, caring loving people, he would be dead. Faced with multiple challenges, including the many torturing skin grafts he's had to overcome, abuse, bike accident nearly killing him, he's gone through more life struggles than the average person and I personally do not blame him for getting into the drug trade. It was out of desperation and he strived to exit the moment he entered. I think the readers that reviewed his book very low for a bad choice he possibly made in life, were very quick to judge...and that has nothing to do with the book itself. I think that simply getting caught up in dealing marijuana was extremely minor, considering the fact that if he could have easily given up on life, he could be a heroine addict on the street, a theft, or simply a bad person which he clearly is not. He certainly does not glorify drug smuggling describing the amount of stress, worry and risk of death he has had to encounter to make a living. From the minute he enters the pot smuggling world he strives to exit. I highly commend him for being the fighter that he is. through good and bad choices, for overcoming the many struggles that slapped him in the face, and think that he is definitely a positive role model to many that screams "never give up, the struggles that we face, only make us stronger in the end"
August 15, 2016
I received an UNCORRECTED PROOF from Library Thing last May. My biggest regret is that I didn't get serious about reading it until recently. This book is good therapy for anyone thinking their circumstances are beyond hope. I was initially intrigued by the description of the book, but I found so much more in the pages. I cheered on the author through every travail, holding my breath at some of them, and had to fight the urge not to skip ahead and read the ending. I lost that fight, but still backtracked to see how the dots connected. If I were to add an overarching theme to this memoir it would be..."everything happens for a reason." Shulman certainly had just about everything imaginable and unimagineable happen to him--truth indeed is stranger than fiction. Shulman's writing style kept me turning page after page. One thing is for certain, he doesn't weigh down the heaviness of this writing with intricate details. There were times that I wanted to know more, but it wasn't there. Occasionally I was frustrated by that, but I realized that he just didn't want to dwell on some things. I sit here after having read every page of this book, thankful for Shulman's willingness to share his story. I am happy, too, knowing that his story is still being written.
February 15, 2016
I received this book as a part of Goodreads First Reads Giveaway.
One word can only describe this book. Wow. I don't read many autobiographies so maybe I'm a bit biased, but this book absolutely blew me away. Howard's storytelling skills are a perfect balance of humor and insightfulness. While reading I felt I was there through the ups and downs and I could relate to his frustrations in life even if the experiences weren't the same. The complexity and myriad of stories that are weaved into this book are astounding. Howard's challenges can be mirrored into other people's struggles in life and I think that is what made me connect to the book. At times it's hard to believe all of the events happened to one person and Howard's resilience and strength gives hope to anyone who feels like they are struggling through their own challenges. Most of all the story was real, and Howard's reactions to the things that have happened to him throughout his life are very similar to how people would normally act and the realistic reactions kept this book very grounded. I would recommend to anyone and everyone. It was an absolute joy to read. Fantastic.
One word can only describe this book. Wow. I don't read many autobiographies so maybe I'm a bit biased, but this book absolutely blew me away. Howard's storytelling skills are a perfect balance of humor and insightfulness. While reading I felt I was there through the ups and downs and I could relate to his frustrations in life even if the experiences weren't the same. The complexity and myriad of stories that are weaved into this book are astounding. Howard's challenges can be mirrored into other people's struggles in life and I think that is what made me connect to the book. At times it's hard to believe all of the events happened to one person and Howard's resilience and strength gives hope to anyone who feels like they are struggling through their own challenges. Most of all the story was real, and Howard's reactions to the things that have happened to him throughout his life are very similar to how people would normally act and the realistic reactions kept this book very grounded. I would recommend to anyone and everyone. It was an absolute joy to read. Fantastic.
January 21, 2016
There are many words that could describe Howard Shulman. Pity is not one of them. After reading this story of courage and survival I feel like there are so many lessons we could learn from him. This is an inspiring and uplifting story. Bullied, unloved by his parents, Howard proves to us that no matter what the obstacles or how unsurmountable they seem they can be conquered. There is always room for hope. This is a story that should be read by everyone. What problems I have seem so small compared to what he has endured. This is the way to end the year with a story that is definitely uplifting.
I received a copy to facilitate my review the opinions expressed here are my own.
I received a copy to facilitate my review the opinions expressed here are my own.
May 20, 2021
It doesn’t read like a memoir......
That could be a good thing (he is a naturally talented writer), or a jamesfrey thing (he’s embellishing). I read the whole book before I looked at his picture. I was shocked! He’s a good looking man!
He has lived a fuller life and is more successful and driven than most people that have no physical defects at all.
It was an ok read, I just kept feeling like something was off. A suggestion about what to do with some of your money? Take a few anger management classes.
Thank you for sharing your story with the world. I have no doubt that many will benefit from what you have written.
That could be a good thing (he is a naturally talented writer), or a jamesfrey thing (he’s embellishing). I read the whole book before I looked at his picture. I was shocked! He’s a good looking man!
He has lived a fuller life and is more successful and driven than most people that have no physical defects at all.
It was an ok read, I just kept feeling like something was off. A suggestion about what to do with some of your money? Take a few anger management classes.
Thank you for sharing your story with the world. I have no doubt that many will benefit from what you have written.
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