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How to Be Your Dog's Best Friend: A Training Manual for Dog Owners
For nearly a quarter century, How to Be Your Dog's Best Friend has been the standard against which all other dog-training books have been measured. This new, expanded edition, with a fresh new design and new photographs throughout, preserves the best features of the original classic while bringing the book fully up-to-date. The result: the ultimate training manual for a new generation of dog owners - and, of course, for their canine best friends. The Monks of New Skete have achieved international renown as breeders of German shepherds and as outstanding trainers of dogs of all breeds. Their unique approach to canine training, developed and refined over three decades, is based on the philosophy that "understanding is the key to communication, compassion, and communion" with your dog. The importance of honest and effective communication with your dog is underscored throughout this guide, especially in the practical training exercises: a detailed, comprehensive, fully illustrated obedience course through which the monks lead you (and your dog) step-by-step. How to Be Your Dog's Best Friend covers virtually every aspect of living with and caring for your dog, including: Selecting a dog (what breed? male? female? puppy or older dog?) to fit your lifestyle Where to get - and where not to get - a dog Reading a pedigree Training your dog or puppy - when, where, and how The proper use of praise and discipline Feeding, grooming, and ensuring your dog's physical fitness Recognizing and correcting canine behavioral problems The particular challenges of raising a dog where you live - in the city, country, or suburb The proper techniques for complete care of your pet at every stage of his or her life In this new edition, How to Be Your Dog's Best Friend has been expanded to encompass the latest equipment (e.g., retractable leashes, "invisible" fences); new trends in training and care (doggy day care, professional dog walkers, etc.); and dozens of new anecdotes and case studies, drawn from the monks' own experience, that bring to life the essential training concepts. In its scope, its clarity, and its authority, How to Be Your Dog's Best Friend remains unrivaled as a basic training guide for dog owners. Like no other book, this guide can help you understand and appreciate your dog's nature as well as his or her distinct personality - and in so doing, it can significantly enrich the life you share with your dog.
364 pages, Kindle Edition
First published January 1, 1978
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 270 reviews
March 30, 2013
This review became lengthier than I anticipated, but if I can dissuade one person from using the techniques prescribed in this book, it will have been worth it.
I would like to preface my review with a comment on my own experience. A few years ago, I taught myself nonviolent training methods studying the works of Paul Owens and Karen Pryor, among others. The books were recommended by the shelter where I planned to adopt a dog.
I started studying long before I even planned to get the dog, and felt more prepared as a result. Once I understood the essence of the nonviolent approach, I was convinced that this was the way. Thus, when we brought home an extremely unruly Border Collie that had been found running loose deep in the mountains, I had a good idea of how to start. She came home as skittish and wild-eyed as could be imagined, and popped around on the end of the leash like a pinball. Yet by carefully following the methods and principles, I trained her to be an extraordinarily well-behaved dog who happens to love everyone she meets.
I never once jerked on the leash, let alone hit her or punish her by doing anything more than ignoring her. I did, however, learn a new level of patience I didn't know I had--I tend to be a hothead.
As a result, I found this book shocking and extraordinarily outdated in its approach. The monks dismiss nonviolent training in their chapter 'Discipline: The Taboo Topic'. They state that while "it is understandable that most owners would prefer to use no force whatsoever..., it is fair to ask whether such an approach is reasonably possible and in harmony with the natural dynamics of pack existence. In a wolf pack..." (p. 65-66). And thereby begins the fallacious analogy that dogs function basically as wolves, and the human as the pack leader that is responsible for dealing out punishment.
Sadly, this comparison has been found to be completely misguided by every sort of legitimate study. 'De-Bunking the "Alpha Dog" Theory' in The Whole Dog Journal gives an excellent overview of the bad science it is all based on, so I don't intend to go into it here.
Nonetheless, the Monks can't give it up. That is understandable, as it is the only conceivable justification for using their techniques--without it, they would be simply inhumane.
Their fundamental opposition to the core of positive reinforcement based training is expressed when they claim that the dog must understand that "not paying attention to you in a given situation will have serious, unpleasant consequences" (p.66). This approach is more familiarly known as 'spare the rod, spoil the child(dog)'.
They also provide an absurd linguistic rationale for discipline, pointing out how the word itself is indirectly related to a Latin term for 'to learn', which "implies that good discipline flows from good teaching and good leadership" (p.67). The Monks should know that an observation of a curiosity of the genetic relationship of an English word to its Latin root is hardly a justification for any philosophy, let alone one that goes on to describe how you should hit your dog.
However, despite their weak foray into the field of language, the Monks are fully aware of the power of words. They know that it must be stressful for a potential dog-owner to read how they need to regularly 'pop the leash' (which has a choke collar on the end of it). As a result, jerking the leash becomes "a correction", which sounds much more professional and antiseptic. Of course, this should only be "mildly unpleasant", so it must be OK.
"How hard do you hit the dog?" the Monks ask us (p.75). "A good general rule is that if you did not get a response, a yelp or other sign, after the first hit, it wasn't hard enough." The words speak for themselves, but they continue and emphasize how a "sharp smack under the chin followed by a a quick string of obedience commands lets him know just how displeased you are with this behavior." This, to me, displays a fundamental misconception of how 'obedience commands' work. Taught correctly, the 'obedience commands' provide a positive experience for the dog--they want to perform them because they know that good things happen. Thus, showing your displeasure by getting the animal to successfully do what you have taught her to do seems, frankly, too bizarre to comprehend. Should you continue to castigate the dog while she obeys?
To be continued...
I would like to preface my review with a comment on my own experience. A few years ago, I taught myself nonviolent training methods studying the works of Paul Owens and Karen Pryor, among others. The books were recommended by the shelter where I planned to adopt a dog.
I started studying long before I even planned to get the dog, and felt more prepared as a result. Once I understood the essence of the nonviolent approach, I was convinced that this was the way. Thus, when we brought home an extremely unruly Border Collie that had been found running loose deep in the mountains, I had a good idea of how to start. She came home as skittish and wild-eyed as could be imagined, and popped around on the end of the leash like a pinball. Yet by carefully following the methods and principles, I trained her to be an extraordinarily well-behaved dog who happens to love everyone she meets.
I never once jerked on the leash, let alone hit her or punish her by doing anything more than ignoring her. I did, however, learn a new level of patience I didn't know I had--I tend to be a hothead.
As a result, I found this book shocking and extraordinarily outdated in its approach. The monks dismiss nonviolent training in their chapter 'Discipline: The Taboo Topic'. They state that while "it is understandable that most owners would prefer to use no force whatsoever..., it is fair to ask whether such an approach is reasonably possible and in harmony with the natural dynamics of pack existence. In a wolf pack..." (p. 65-66). And thereby begins the fallacious analogy that dogs function basically as wolves, and the human as the pack leader that is responsible for dealing out punishment.
Sadly, this comparison has been found to be completely misguided by every sort of legitimate study. 'De-Bunking the "Alpha Dog" Theory' in The Whole Dog Journal gives an excellent overview of the bad science it is all based on, so I don't intend to go into it here.
Nonetheless, the Monks can't give it up. That is understandable, as it is the only conceivable justification for using their techniques--without it, they would be simply inhumane.
Their fundamental opposition to the core of positive reinforcement based training is expressed when they claim that the dog must understand that "not paying attention to you in a given situation will have serious, unpleasant consequences" (p.66). This approach is more familiarly known as 'spare the rod, spoil the child(dog)'.
They also provide an absurd linguistic rationale for discipline, pointing out how the word itself is indirectly related to a Latin term for 'to learn', which "implies that good discipline flows from good teaching and good leadership" (p.67). The Monks should know that an observation of a curiosity of the genetic relationship of an English word to its Latin root is hardly a justification for any philosophy, let alone one that goes on to describe how you should hit your dog.
However, despite their weak foray into the field of language, the Monks are fully aware of the power of words. They know that it must be stressful for a potential dog-owner to read how they need to regularly 'pop the leash' (which has a choke collar on the end of it). As a result, jerking the leash becomes "a correction", which sounds much more professional and antiseptic. Of course, this should only be "mildly unpleasant", so it must be OK.
"How hard do you hit the dog?" the Monks ask us (p.75). "A good general rule is that if you did not get a response, a yelp or other sign, after the first hit, it wasn't hard enough." The words speak for themselves, but they continue and emphasize how a "sharp smack under the chin followed by a a quick string of obedience commands lets him know just how displeased you are with this behavior." This, to me, displays a fundamental misconception of how 'obedience commands' work. Taught correctly, the 'obedience commands' provide a positive experience for the dog--they want to perform them because they know that good things happen. Thus, showing your displeasure by getting the animal to successfully do what you have taught her to do seems, frankly, too bizarre to comprehend. Should you continue to castigate the dog while she obeys?
To be continued...
April 7, 2010
I've never been so confused from a dog training book in my life. "Hi, we are inspired by St. Francis" but then you discipline dogs by cuffing them under the chin, the "shakedown," and the alpha rollover. I don't believe for a minute that St. Francis would approve.
Here's what I like about the book: their concept of outdoor kenneling and making sure the dog has the right kind of setup, raising/training puppies, the "Round Robin Recall" exercise, and their suggestion of not training your dog to attack but instead fake it.
What I don't like - Road working your dog...you've got to be kidding me! Jog a dog on a bike, don't "Turner & Hooch" the dog out the car window. That is just absurd! A million things can go wrong and I can't believe they'd put that in a book to be attempted by desperate people looking to fix their dog's behavior issues (people like that will try anything without thinking through it.) The disciplining of course was blowing my mind. If you have to take it that far with your dog, then YOUR DOG DOESN'T LIKE YOU. It really is that simple. Teaching a puppy to not bark in the car does not consist of stopping the car and beating the crap out of it, rolling it, etc. If you have to do that, then you shouldn't own a dog. Teaching a dog to not jump by squeezing its paws, giving it a swift bump to the abdomen with your knee with surprise and drama = idiotic. And my personal favorite...older dogs that potty in the house means physical discipline may be in order. (Although, I'm wondering if they actually meant "healthy, adult dogs with attitudes" versus "geriatric dogs that are too old to hold it." Hopefully they didn't mean the latter.)
Should you get this book to learn how to train your dog? ABSOLUTELY NOT. The only thing you can get out of this book is learning about bad dog behavior and how it develops. It does not show you how to cure it (and if you have a truly aggressive dog, be prepared to be made into mincemeat if you try any of their suggestions, because BUDDY, you'll have to sleep sometime and that's when your dog will pay you back.)
Here's what I like about the book: their concept of outdoor kenneling and making sure the dog has the right kind of setup, raising/training puppies, the "Round Robin Recall" exercise, and their suggestion of not training your dog to attack but instead fake it.
What I don't like - Road working your dog...you've got to be kidding me! Jog a dog on a bike, don't "Turner & Hooch" the dog out the car window. That is just absurd! A million things can go wrong and I can't believe they'd put that in a book to be attempted by desperate people looking to fix their dog's behavior issues (people like that will try anything without thinking through it.) The disciplining of course was blowing my mind. If you have to take it that far with your dog, then YOUR DOG DOESN'T LIKE YOU. It really is that simple. Teaching a puppy to not bark in the car does not consist of stopping the car and beating the crap out of it, rolling it, etc. If you have to do that, then you shouldn't own a dog. Teaching a dog to not jump by squeezing its paws, giving it a swift bump to the abdomen with your knee with surprise and drama = idiotic. And my personal favorite...older dogs that potty in the house means physical discipline may be in order. (Although, I'm wondering if they actually meant "healthy, adult dogs with attitudes" versus "geriatric dogs that are too old to hold it." Hopefully they didn't mean the latter.)
Should you get this book to learn how to train your dog? ABSOLUTELY NOT. The only thing you can get out of this book is learning about bad dog behavior and how it develops. It does not show you how to cure it (and if you have a truly aggressive dog, be prepared to be made into mincemeat if you try any of their suggestions, because BUDDY, you'll have to sleep sometime and that's when your dog will pay you back.)
June 21, 2021
People who gave this book a bad review because they think the monks give bad advice and tell you to be unkind to the dog by disciplining it for bad behaviors are deluded. Discipline is not something the monks take lightly, nor is it encouraged to be used with excessive force. It is clear that these monks love dogs. It is also clear that they don’t let the dogs do whatever they want and get away with problem behaviors. They repeat over and over again that discipline or punishment is only to be used in severe circumstances; even then, the discipline is mild and never to be used to hurt the dog (never to be an excuse to abuse an animal). I disagree with those who say that appropriate discipline (not abuse) will make a dog afraid of you. The pack mentality of a dog is such that they feel better knowing their place in the group, and knowing who the alpha is. If curtly saying “no” to my dog or grabbing her by the scruff to surprise her when she is doing something wrong (jumping on a small child, stealing food off the table, digging) can help her to understand my expectations of her, I believe that it will also make her happier and more stable. These people who let their dogs walk all over them probably also believe that a child should never be disciplined (not abused, not physically harmed) for problem behaviors. The word discipline in this case (and in the case of a child) means structure, clear rules and guidelines, and clear consequences for not following those guidelines. I might add that the section on discipline is very short, and makes up only a small percentage of the book. Those who focus on that have missed the point of the whole idea: to love your dog well, it needs guidance, training, and to be with you as often as possible. They advocate letting the dog sleep in your bedroom for heaven’s sake! That does NOT sound like a group of people who have anything but genuine admiration and affection for dogs. That is all.
September 7, 2009
I don't think ANY dog book is the end-all be-all, so no dog-training book would earn 5 stars from me. No doubt, the monks are not going to win over everyone with their methods. Positive reinforcement is the the in vogue way to train a dog right now, and they focus a lot on effective corrections. Prong collars and the shake down will probably make a lot of people weezy. Which is fine. Their methods aren't for everyone.
However, I think they have an amazing approach, which mimics my feelings on dog training to a T. While they cover the basics of teaching your dog obedience, the book is more about your day to day life with your dogs. I like how they want the dog with you and as part of your life, but without being mushy and spoiling them rotten. There are few people who can follow their daily regimen, but the idea behind it is wonderful. Too many people get their dogs, and either expect them to behave with virtually no exercise and little real human contact or do everything for their dogs and make them into spoiled rotten brats. I think the monks have a method similar to NILIF (nothing in life is free), and it creates a healthy balance between being a 24/7 mean alpha dog and being a pushover.
I did have to groan when I just saw the review that these guys are like Cesar! I like Cesar well enough, but come on! They've been breeding and training dogs probably before Cesar was born.
However, I think they have an amazing approach, which mimics my feelings on dog training to a T. While they cover the basics of teaching your dog obedience, the book is more about your day to day life with your dogs. I like how they want the dog with you and as part of your life, but without being mushy and spoiling them rotten. There are few people who can follow their daily regimen, but the idea behind it is wonderful. Too many people get their dogs, and either expect them to behave with virtually no exercise and little real human contact or do everything for their dogs and make them into spoiled rotten brats. I think the monks have a method similar to NILIF (nothing in life is free), and it creates a healthy balance between being a 24/7 mean alpha dog and being a pushover.
I did have to groan when I just saw the review that these guys are like Cesar! I like Cesar well enough, but come on! They've been breeding and training dogs probably before Cesar was born.
February 2, 2010
I appreciated some of the things they said, especially in the beginning. But this book drove home the point that every dog training book must be read with a grain of salt and an open mind. I was honestly a bit horrified with the discipline chapter. Everyone has their own opinion on this, but I feel that those methods are old school and very out dated. We've moved beyond that, surely! I know I have.
All in all, a book with some interesting viewpoints but not to be taken word for word.
All in all, a book with some interesting viewpoints but not to be taken word for word.
August 28, 2010
Read this book if you want your dog to be afraid of you and ruin any possible relationship you'd have with him.
October 2, 2025
Second time dog owner and this is the first book I have read on dog training. But now we have a cute German Malinois puppy who is half German Shepherd and half Belgian Malinois. A quick note on the 1 star reviews who find the discipline section barbaric. It was a huge struggle for me the first few times I disciplined our new puppy who is a very intense alpha girl who is also very sensitive. I almost felt like I was kilning her or damaging her but I am so glad I did. There is something in our culture that finds any form of discipline or correction to be fascist (whatever that even means any more) and evil. Even though I don't hold these views consciously I still found myself profoundly shaped by them which was eye opening. These monks categorize their disciplines so much I found them almost too soft at times. To the people who think this makes them monsters you obviously haven't tried it. It doesn't kill the dog and it's like magic in how it improves their behavior. All it needs is a few corrections and the dog improves in areas you haven't even worked on it's amazing. That said it's a powerful tool and you have to match it to yourself and dog and not over use it etc. etc. etc.
Dogs are incredibly resilient and sensitive so if you don't think your dog can handle some minor corrections that's more a sign you probably can't.
This whole book is basically what you can do if you train your dog to come and down-stay you can basically take them everywhere and incorporate them into your life. I liked the part about talking to your dog and working to the point where a quick hey or a look is all the correction your dog needs to avoid doing something. If anything these monks take the slowest most gradual road to any goal.
My only complaint is it is all about how to handle the dog and I was hoping for a little more on the affects on the spiritual life as a fellow Orthodox person. But I realize this was written for a general audience.
Dogs are incredibly resilient and sensitive so if you don't think your dog can handle some minor corrections that's more a sign you probably can't.
This whole book is basically what you can do if you train your dog to come and down-stay you can basically take them everywhere and incorporate them into your life. I liked the part about talking to your dog and working to the point where a quick hey or a look is all the correction your dog needs to avoid doing something. If anything these monks take the slowest most gradual road to any goal.
My only complaint is it is all about how to handle the dog and I was hoping for a little more on the affects on the spiritual life as a fellow Orthodox person. But I realize this was written for a general audience.
February 4, 2022
Got this book on reco from a friend bc I’m getting a dog and don’t want to deal with the internet of conflicting dog people. So:
1. Monks are weird, conceptually. But: monks training dogs? Modeled on Francis of Assisi? Cool.
2. The 1978 edition has aged. Makes me curious about the update. It seems like in the hills of wherever Skete is, 1978 sentiments toward dogs fell along some very old school Puritan lines a lot of times, with dogs as protection or accessory, excluded from family life, banished to backyards or basements. Also: apparently sometimes dog packs roamed the suburbs? Weird. They address that sort of stuff pragmatically, mostly advising that dogs are creatures with moods and will learn to disobey and avoid you if you’re a dick, so don’t be a dick, never use a stick or other object to discipline, never make your dog come and negatively reinforce it, don’t rub noses in accidents. Etc. Good so far.
3. They *do* however speak to physical discipline, and in some cases suggest to basically smack your dog under the chin for dramatic effect to drive discipline home. Prob won’t be doing that, and am assuming that’s generally frowned on these days. They also subscribe to the Alpha dog theory and doing submission belly rolls, which I hear has also been debunked. So if you’re specifically after how to handle problem behavior in a less aggressive / old school dominant way, diversify. They do actually also very specifically suggest reading no less than 3 training books for options before you get started training.
Other than that: pretty pragmatic tips on teaching basic obedience commands (heel, sit, sit-stay, down, down-stay, come), as well as dealing with some problematic things like jumping, aggression, etc. They do *not* offer any specific tips about excessive barking, and when mentioned, chalk it up to boredom or exclusion. They *do* teach you how to teach your dog to bark as protection. Weird. They also touch on obedience competition tips, but not in depth.
All in all, I learned some useful stuff, was amused by the Massage for Dogs chapter, and appreciate the general sentiment that a dog is a living being you’ll have to build a relationship with so take that seriously for success. Wish me luck.
1. Monks are weird, conceptually. But: monks training dogs? Modeled on Francis of Assisi? Cool.
2. The 1978 edition has aged. Makes me curious about the update. It seems like in the hills of wherever Skete is, 1978 sentiments toward dogs fell along some very old school Puritan lines a lot of times, with dogs as protection or accessory, excluded from family life, banished to backyards or basements. Also: apparently sometimes dog packs roamed the suburbs? Weird. They address that sort of stuff pragmatically, mostly advising that dogs are creatures with moods and will learn to disobey and avoid you if you’re a dick, so don’t be a dick, never use a stick or other object to discipline, never make your dog come and negatively reinforce it, don’t rub noses in accidents. Etc. Good so far.
3. They *do* however speak to physical discipline, and in some cases suggest to basically smack your dog under the chin for dramatic effect to drive discipline home. Prob won’t be doing that, and am assuming that’s generally frowned on these days. They also subscribe to the Alpha dog theory and doing submission belly rolls, which I hear has also been debunked. So if you’re specifically after how to handle problem behavior in a less aggressive / old school dominant way, diversify. They do actually also very specifically suggest reading no less than 3 training books for options before you get started training.
Other than that: pretty pragmatic tips on teaching basic obedience commands (heel, sit, sit-stay, down, down-stay, come), as well as dealing with some problematic things like jumping, aggression, etc. They do *not* offer any specific tips about excessive barking, and when mentioned, chalk it up to boredom or exclusion. They *do* teach you how to teach your dog to bark as protection. Weird. They also touch on obedience competition tips, but not in depth.
All in all, I learned some useful stuff, was amused by the Massage for Dogs chapter, and appreciate the general sentiment that a dog is a living being you’ll have to build a relationship with so take that seriously for success. Wish me luck.
February 16, 2018
I have never owned a dog but am doing some reading to prepare to get one soon. I like their overall approach and attitude. I can definitely see myself referencing this during dog training later too.
January 15, 2025
Another W for the monks
June 11, 2008
This is an superb training manual but very rigid and strict. I agree that a dog must know who its owner is and have a degree of fear and respect...but I am softer. I prefer a positive training approach. Reward the positive. Despite this philosophical difference I do think this is an excellent reference and one I would recommend.
September 8, 2010
Good book but I mis-read the title.
I was just looking for a book that would teach me how to be one of my dog's good friends.
I was just looking for a book that would teach me how to be one of my dog's good friends.
January 1, 2017
Full of good humor; insights into dog and human nature; and just general, all-around practical tips. This book was worth every page!
November 9, 2017
Oh, those monks are a clever bunch! I, however am throughly biased...I trained my dog the New Skete way. Perfect.
January 22, 2019
What a wonderful, promising title! And what a huge disappointment.
I had high expecations for this book given its great ratings and the great title, but wasn´t only disappointed but in many parts actually shocked by the extremely outdated methods the monks recommend. Are you interested in reading how to be your dogs best friend (while actually also successfully training them)? Then this is definitely not the book to read.
Of course, the monks are no monsters, they genuinely try to teach an approach that perhaps 50 or even 20years ago might have been called slightly progressive. They recommend that a dog should be included in the family´s daily routine, needs playtime, quiet time, good quality food etc. instead of being left by himself the whole day in a kennel or on a chain.
However, there is one chapter quite early on in the book about the proper punishment of the dog. This chapter made my blood boil, because they recommend methods that are not only cruel by current standards, but also in my opinion just don´t make much sense.
A book that recommends hitting the dog either with your hand or with the leash after he´s done something that´s wrong/annoying in our eyes is just totally shocking to me. But it goes on. They actually explain that you didn´t hit hard enough if the dog doesn´t make a yelping sound. Also, if your dog does not cower in some corner, looking distressed for at least 30minutes (!!!) but instead shows calming signals and tries to make up with you, you also didn´t hit hard enough. I really lack the words to describe how horrible I find these tips. Examples the book gives for a dog deserving this treatment? If he soils the house, “steals” food, digs somewhere or chews something he´s not supposed to, or is “cheating”. This is just mind-blowingly stupid. Also, what the hell is cheating concerning a dog??
Having had several, very different dogs myself, I do understand that you need to have clear boundaries and be able to let the dog know when he´s done something wrong. But this is just way over the top. Also, do they mention anywhere how extremely important it is to let the dog know within SECONDS that he´s made a mistake (or done something right of course)? No, there´s no hint about that anywhere. So people who have not the slightest experience and only read this one book to prepare them for dog training will think that it´s perfectly acceptable to punish their dog when they come home and find he soiled the house, perhaps hours after that happened. Not only does this not make sense at all training-wise, but it is the base for a dog who will be (rightfully!) fearful of his owners.
To not topple the nice worldview of the more empathic/progressive readers, the book calls those “techniques” not punishment or beating, but “corrections” and “leash popping”. No matter how you call it, all of that is very counterproductive, will in many cases lead to dogs who are afraid of the lead or their owners unpredictable hands, and just simply does not make a good dog-owner-relationship. Also, they don´t take into account how much dogs can test their owners patience and the heated emotions that can come up for many of us humans when we try to communicate with a different species who just doesn´t seem to get the point. For someone who gets frustrated while training, the "light popping of the leash” which is often recommended in the book, may at times turn into a full on beating, out of sheer frustration with the situation, but supported by the idea that “it´s ok because the book says he deserves it”. It would be much better to actually prepare future dog owners mentally for the challenges ahead and remind them over and over that violence is not the way to go and that they are the ones responsible to keep themselves under control to have real success.
Of course, like mentioned in the beginning, the book doesn´t only contain recommendations about punishments. But this is really not the source to turn to if you look for detailed information on how to train a dog. There is a chapter about how to make the dog associate food with the sound of key-jingling (Pavlov style) and how this is such a great help to train a dog and avoid unwanted behavior, but how exactly it works, how to proceed step by step and especially how it is supposed to help longterm (which I think in most cases it won´t) stays very unclear. Detailed instructions on how to train the recall, sit, down, stay etc. can be found at the end of the book, but also those instructions differ very much from very simple and successful methods that I learnt over several years training different dogs, there is a lot of “forcing the dog into position”, jerking the leash around etc.
So, I would not recommend this book to anyone looking to have a good and successful relationship with their dog and am very disappointed that books like this still get such high ratings from people who seem to not know better. Usually, when I don´t like books I still give them to the library or to someone who may like it better than me. In this case, I will just toss it in the trash, because I don´t want to support the philosophy of the book. I very much hope, that if the monks are still training dogs, by now they have caught up on working with better, more progressive and violence-free methods.
I had high expecations for this book given its great ratings and the great title, but wasn´t only disappointed but in many parts actually shocked by the extremely outdated methods the monks recommend. Are you interested in reading how to be your dogs best friend (while actually also successfully training them)? Then this is definitely not the book to read.
Of course, the monks are no monsters, they genuinely try to teach an approach that perhaps 50 or even 20years ago might have been called slightly progressive. They recommend that a dog should be included in the family´s daily routine, needs playtime, quiet time, good quality food etc. instead of being left by himself the whole day in a kennel or on a chain.
However, there is one chapter quite early on in the book about the proper punishment of the dog. This chapter made my blood boil, because they recommend methods that are not only cruel by current standards, but also in my opinion just don´t make much sense.
A book that recommends hitting the dog either with your hand or with the leash after he´s done something that´s wrong/annoying in our eyes is just totally shocking to me. But it goes on. They actually explain that you didn´t hit hard enough if the dog doesn´t make a yelping sound. Also, if your dog does not cower in some corner, looking distressed for at least 30minutes (!!!) but instead shows calming signals and tries to make up with you, you also didn´t hit hard enough. I really lack the words to describe how horrible I find these tips. Examples the book gives for a dog deserving this treatment? If he soils the house, “steals” food, digs somewhere or chews something he´s not supposed to, or is “cheating”. This is just mind-blowingly stupid. Also, what the hell is cheating concerning a dog??
Having had several, very different dogs myself, I do understand that you need to have clear boundaries and be able to let the dog know when he´s done something wrong. But this is just way over the top. Also, do they mention anywhere how extremely important it is to let the dog know within SECONDS that he´s made a mistake (or done something right of course)? No, there´s no hint about that anywhere. So people who have not the slightest experience and only read this one book to prepare them for dog training will think that it´s perfectly acceptable to punish their dog when they come home and find he soiled the house, perhaps hours after that happened. Not only does this not make sense at all training-wise, but it is the base for a dog who will be (rightfully!) fearful of his owners.
To not topple the nice worldview of the more empathic/progressive readers, the book calls those “techniques” not punishment or beating, but “corrections” and “leash popping”. No matter how you call it, all of that is very counterproductive, will in many cases lead to dogs who are afraid of the lead or their owners unpredictable hands, and just simply does not make a good dog-owner-relationship. Also, they don´t take into account how much dogs can test their owners patience and the heated emotions that can come up for many of us humans when we try to communicate with a different species who just doesn´t seem to get the point. For someone who gets frustrated while training, the "light popping of the leash” which is often recommended in the book, may at times turn into a full on beating, out of sheer frustration with the situation, but supported by the idea that “it´s ok because the book says he deserves it”. It would be much better to actually prepare future dog owners mentally for the challenges ahead and remind them over and over that violence is not the way to go and that they are the ones responsible to keep themselves under control to have real success.
Of course, like mentioned in the beginning, the book doesn´t only contain recommendations about punishments. But this is really not the source to turn to if you look for detailed information on how to train a dog. There is a chapter about how to make the dog associate food with the sound of key-jingling (Pavlov style) and how this is such a great help to train a dog and avoid unwanted behavior, but how exactly it works, how to proceed step by step and especially how it is supposed to help longterm (which I think in most cases it won´t) stays very unclear. Detailed instructions on how to train the recall, sit, down, stay etc. can be found at the end of the book, but also those instructions differ very much from very simple and successful methods that I learnt over several years training different dogs, there is a lot of “forcing the dog into position”, jerking the leash around etc.
So, I would not recommend this book to anyone looking to have a good and successful relationship with their dog and am very disappointed that books like this still get such high ratings from people who seem to not know better. Usually, when I don´t like books I still give them to the library or to someone who may like it better than me. In this case, I will just toss it in the trash, because I don´t want to support the philosophy of the book. I very much hope, that if the monks are still training dogs, by now they have caught up on working with better, more progressive and violence-free methods.
July 7, 2025
I expected this to be much preachier than it is - in fact, it’s quite the contrary, empathy being at its core. None of the dog training information within is groundbreaking, which is fine and makes it a pretty solid beginner’s manual. I agree with most of it, but some of the ideas felt silly to me (for instance, the unfounded assertion that dogs understand sarcasm/when they’re the butt of a joke). Good read overall. Well-written. The monk stuff is really sweet and beautiful at times.
August 17, 2025
As we prep our dog for the arrival of a new addition to the family, I found this book helpful in thinking through what things to work on. Despite how cute it is, our dog should not jump up at arriving visitors and needs to be less distracted on walks. We are parallely taking our dog to obedience training and see a lot of the tips reiterated there
October 5, 2025
Ok this one felt…dated. Like…a totally different monk wrote it. Brother cranky. Interesting but quite different.
January 1, 2026
Good book gonna train a dog now
January 29, 2021
Emphasizes the relationship between leader and dog and encourages pet owners to think critically about setting the dog up for success, meeting their needs, and building trust.
January 3, 2023
Love the monks of NS but I read their puppy book first which is full of very specific and useful info for the first 6-9mo or so of puppy ownership - this book felt like a lot of review and a more high level approach.
December 19, 2025
A great resource. I need all the help I can get with this one!
June 10, 2017
I am hovering between a 1.5 and a 2...it is really hard to say. This is not a book for amateurs---if you want to learn to train your dog, check out Patricia McConnell, Jean Donaldson, Victoria Schade, Ian Dunbar, and a host of others. This book is more for someone who is well versed in Dog and is just curious about another perspective.
The Monks are, at best, highly hypocritical. Most things they recommend are just not something a "best friend" would do. Their idea of discipline is...well, archaic. My rule of thumb is that if you wouldn't (and/or shouldn't) to it to a child, you probably shouldn't do it to dog. Some of their ideas of discipline:
The Shake Down-- they tell you to grab the loose skin around the dog (after having him sit) and lifting him up if you can, then shaking him quickly. They claim that this is how "alphas" discipline their pack. No. This is how wolves and such KILL something. Imagine picking up a child by their shirt collar and shaking them roughly. What would happen? Yeah, CPS and a whole list of lawsuits. This is just pure bullying.
Cuff to the Chin. Again, from a sit. With an open hand, basically strike the dog under the chin. There are no nice words--you are hitting your dog, no matter how lightly. Again, imagine trying to do this to a child (or even someone on the street)
Knee to the chest. For jumping. seriously? What is this, wrestling, or training your dog?
And to those wondering, NO, they don't withdraw the recommendation for the alpha-wolf role. They just ammend that only professionals should do it because it is dangerous. Actually, most of their "discipline" can be dangerous.
With these not only being extremely violent, they are supported by a very ill understanding of dogs. I don't care how many dogs you breed, if you think that the whole Alpha thing is still a thing, and that alpha's are a********e, then you really need to give up the dog thing. If you think dogs discpline each other in such fashions, then I think you really are living in a fantasy world. If packs fought like this and treated each other like this, the pack wouldn't live for long ( and it would very well defeat the purpose of the pack, since most "packs" are actually family units.)
They are also extremely big on leash pops and using the dog's momentum against them for a "surprise." Specifically "When the dog starts running to chase the car, pick up the rope (you already attached earlier) and run the other way. When your dog hits the end of the line, he may well go flying in the air in surprise."
WTF?
Everything is about force. Force your dog to sit a few times, and if they don't get it, use the leash. Force your dog to lie down. Force your dog to...
And the ironic thing? They sometimes mention positive methods for the "really sensitive dogs."
So why do I hover between a 1.5 and a 2? Because, to someone who has been studying this for a while, you can find some good information. There is a section and information about titles and abbreviations for breeds, information on different activities that may be good for you dog, and a section that talks about death and euthanization and the responsibilities of the owner to the dog.
Yes, there are good tidbits in here, but you have to wade through a bunch of s---. Not for the beginner, and not for training your dog, but for those curious about people who are still bent on traditional methods, this may give you some insight as to why. If you are up for treasure hunting, this might be fun to read, too.
The Monks are, at best, highly hypocritical. Most things they recommend are just not something a "best friend" would do. Their idea of discipline is...well, archaic. My rule of thumb is that if you wouldn't (and/or shouldn't) to it to a child, you probably shouldn't do it to dog. Some of their ideas of discipline:
The Shake Down-- they tell you to grab the loose skin around the dog (after having him sit) and lifting him up if you can, then shaking him quickly. They claim that this is how "alphas" discipline their pack. No. This is how wolves and such KILL something. Imagine picking up a child by their shirt collar and shaking them roughly. What would happen? Yeah, CPS and a whole list of lawsuits. This is just pure bullying.
Cuff to the Chin. Again, from a sit. With an open hand, basically strike the dog under the chin. There are no nice words--you are hitting your dog, no matter how lightly. Again, imagine trying to do this to a child (or even someone on the street)
Knee to the chest. For jumping. seriously? What is this, wrestling, or training your dog?
And to those wondering, NO, they don't withdraw the recommendation for the alpha-wolf role. They just ammend that only professionals should do it because it is dangerous. Actually, most of their "discipline" can be dangerous.
With these not only being extremely violent, they are supported by a very ill understanding of dogs. I don't care how many dogs you breed, if you think that the whole Alpha thing is still a thing, and that alpha's are a********e, then you really need to give up the dog thing. If you think dogs discpline each other in such fashions, then I think you really are living in a fantasy world. If packs fought like this and treated each other like this, the pack wouldn't live for long ( and it would very well defeat the purpose of the pack, since most "packs" are actually family units.)
They are also extremely big on leash pops and using the dog's momentum against them for a "surprise." Specifically "When the dog starts running to chase the car, pick up the rope (you already attached earlier) and run the other way. When your dog hits the end of the line, he may well go flying in the air in surprise."
WTF?
Everything is about force. Force your dog to sit a few times, and if they don't get it, use the leash. Force your dog to lie down. Force your dog to...
And the ironic thing? They sometimes mention positive methods for the "really sensitive dogs."
So why do I hover between a 1.5 and a 2? Because, to someone who has been studying this for a while, you can find some good information. There is a section and information about titles and abbreviations for breeds, information on different activities that may be good for you dog, and a section that talks about death and euthanization and the responsibilities of the owner to the dog.
Yes, there are good tidbits in here, but you have to wade through a bunch of s---. Not for the beginner, and not for training your dog, but for those curious about people who are still bent on traditional methods, this may give you some insight as to why. If you are up for treasure hunting, this might be fun to read, too.
February 24, 2019
This book was recommended to us when we got our first German Shepherd puppy back in early '96. I can't recall if I read the entire book back then. Today we just got our third GSD from a local rescue organization, and I thought I'd dust off this book again.
The overall tenor of the book is great. It focuses on incorporating your dog into every aspect of your life, not just carving out a few minutes before work and a few minutes after. The idea of "inseeing," trying to truly understand your dog's attitude is humbling. However, this book was written in 1978; it's definitely dated. From its illustrations and grainy photographs, to its discussion on discipline that is jarring by today's standards, there were portions of the book that I knew I wouldn't be implementing.
I didn't read dog training books back in 1978, so I'm guessing that the idea of sharing your life with your pet was revolutionary. I am in agreement with that. Spending "quiet time" with our new dog, without screens or distractions has been very rewarding. It was good to be reminded of this. Take the good parts of this book and forget the bad, for there are far more of the former. I look forward to reading the updated edition.
The overall tenor of the book is great. It focuses on incorporating your dog into every aspect of your life, not just carving out a few minutes before work and a few minutes after. The idea of "inseeing," trying to truly understand your dog's attitude is humbling. However, this book was written in 1978; it's definitely dated. From its illustrations and grainy photographs, to its discussion on discipline that is jarring by today's standards, there were portions of the book that I knew I wouldn't be implementing.
I didn't read dog training books back in 1978, so I'm guessing that the idea of sharing your life with your pet was revolutionary. I am in agreement with that. Spending "quiet time" with our new dog, without screens or distractions has been very rewarding. It was good to be reminded of this. Take the good parts of this book and forget the bad, for there are far more of the former. I look forward to reading the updated edition.
February 19, 2018
One caveat to this review: I read the old edition of this book and some techniques given are outdated. Exercising your dog by "road-work", walking using a car, would not be tolerated today. But read along with other dog-training books I found the no-nonsense approach to bringing up your pup to be refreshing. There are points in the narrative where the reader is advised about the realities of dog ownership, to re-evaluate fitness to be an owner. If you can't devote time and consistent effort to your dog neither one of you will benefit.
The part of the Monks' advice I found of most benefit was the series of chapters on problem behaviors. The best cure is prevention, engineering a dog's environment to promote good behavior and prevent the bad. Note that there is no crate-training or doggie daycare, here, neither having come into vogue or existence at the time of this book's writing. Each important training step is examined in detail, not just technique but things to avoid and WHY to avoid them. Training myths are given and debunked, explaining why they are incorrect.
The part of the Monks' advice I found of most benefit was the series of chapters on problem behaviors. The best cure is prevention, engineering a dog's environment to promote good behavior and prevent the bad. Note that there is no crate-training or doggie daycare, here, neither having come into vogue or existence at the time of this book's writing. Each important training step is examined in detail, not just technique but things to avoid and WHY to avoid them. Training myths are given and debunked, explaining why they are incorrect.
June 23, 2012
I highly recommend this for new dog-owners, or anyone who is eager to reconsider mankind's history and relationship with dogs. Thoughtfully written, this book felt like a meditation and a prayer. While full of advice for dog training, I also greatly enjoyed the philosophical non-advice sections as well. I feel this book is great for those who are planning to become dog-owners, and want more than just practical preparation; this book offers an emotional and spiritual foundation too. Yes, I said "spiritual"-- the book is written by Monks after all! If this is too New Age-sounding for you, skip this book. I really appreciated that the Monks offer advice that considers what is good for the dog, not only what is good for the humans. Human-centeredness guides most aspects of my life, and I relished the opportunity to consider ways to expand my views as far as human-canine communication. Not a dry read by any means, and lovingly written by true dog lovers-- I highly recommend this book!
September 9, 2017
After finishing this book I read through some of the reviews and am mystified by people's attitudes towards this book. About 99% of the book is how to connect with and train your dog, with super specific technique, and 1% is teaching how to the physically discipline the dog in the very rare cases that the dog does not respond to any sort of correction. Leash popping is not physical discipline! It does not choke the dog! The monks are extremely clear that they do not advocate any sort of violence or impatience with dogs. Positive reinforcement may work for some dogs, but animals are physical creatures. When you use a crop on a horse you're not beating the horse, you're snapping it out of a certain mindset and redirecting the energy. So it goes with dogs.
This book is long, dense, and maybe not for everyone, but in no way does it advocate abusive or violent methods of dog training.
This book is long, dense, and maybe not for everyone, but in no way does it advocate abusive or violent methods of dog training.
September 23, 2020
I got this book on a suggestion from a friend before getting our rescue dog Molly. It was insightful and very helpful. It continues to be a go to book for me.
The Monks of New Skete have achieved international renown as breeders of German shepherds and as outstanding trainers of dogs of all breeds. Their unique approach to canine training, developed and refined over four decades, is based on the philosophy that "understanding is the key to communication, compassion, and communion" with your dog. How to Be Your Dog's Best Friend covers virtually every aspect of living with and caring for your dog, including: Selecting a dog (what breed? male? female? puppy or older dog?) to fit your lifestyle.
I suggest this book for anyone getting a dog or people that already have a dog.
The Monks of New Skete have achieved international renown as breeders of German shepherds and as outstanding trainers of dogs of all breeds. Their unique approach to canine training, developed and refined over four decades, is based on the philosophy that "understanding is the key to communication, compassion, and communion" with your dog. How to Be Your Dog's Best Friend covers virtually every aspect of living with and caring for your dog, including: Selecting a dog (what breed? male? female? puppy or older dog?) to fit your lifestyle.
I suggest this book for anyone getting a dog or people that already have a dog.
March 15, 2014
Reading these books again as I have a puppy coming home tomorrow! I just love these books. Their philosophy on dogs and training totally appeals to me as a lover of large shepherd mixes.
Being Maurice Sendak approved gives it bonus points. He knows where the wild things are!
Being Maurice Sendak approved gives it bonus points. He knows where the wild things are!
April 28, 2019
I got this book as a recommended dog training manual (from an internet list somewhere). Unfortunately, only maybe 50 of 350 pages were about actually training your dog, and the rest was,
"If you/your dog has a problem, make sure to take them to obedience training! / Solve it when they're a puppy! / Breeding takes out these undesirable traits! / etc."
Okay, but that doesn't ... help me ... that much now.
Plus, it's obvious the authors are pretty much elitists when it comes to dogs, and there's maybe a generation gap that makes me dislike their attitude so much. They mention shelter dogs once in passing, I think? Otherwise: get dogs from a breeder, or else! Or else you're supporting and pushing pet shop sales! And purebreds? VERY IMPORTANT. Gotta breed all undesirable traits out, you know, unless your dog is going to have behavior problems --FOREVER.
I also kept waiting for the moment actual training tips would begin, but the authors kept sending me other places: read more from the recommended reading pages in the back, take your dog to obedience training--and not just "park" obedience training, take your dog to a specialist, etc. Apparently the first thing you need to do to train your dog is take them to obedience training. You can't do anything on your own ?
And apparently you can't buy adult dogs, either (esp. at a shelter, where you don't know the dogs' bloodlines!!). You need to buy a puppy from a breeder to send them to "ktp" --> Kindergarten Puppy Classes, and then to obedience training. ("Since your dog already has a basic understanding of sit from puppy classes ...")
There's also a very handy section on how to name your dog! "Two-syllable words are recommended, and one syllable is not, even though they're common", etc. Don't name your dogs after something about their appearance (i.e. Spot), and don't name your dog cutesy things like Cupcake! Excuse you, me and my rottweiler, Cupcake, will be happy together forever (I had rottweilers growing up, and most of them were huge softies; Cupcake would fit perfectly).
I wish this was a simple manual on how to teach (or re-teach, in this case) my dog basic things, but the actual lessons it contained were overshadowed by a bunch of elitist blather.
"If you/your dog has a problem, make sure to take them to obedience training! / Solve it when they're a puppy! / Breeding takes out these undesirable traits! / etc."
Okay, but that doesn't ... help me ... that much now.
Plus, it's obvious the authors are pretty much elitists when it comes to dogs, and there's maybe a generation gap that makes me dislike their attitude so much. They mention shelter dogs once in passing, I think? Otherwise: get dogs from a breeder, or else! Or else you're supporting and pushing pet shop sales! And purebreds? VERY IMPORTANT. Gotta breed all undesirable traits out, you know, unless your dog is going to have behavior problems --FOREVER.
I also kept waiting for the moment actual training tips would begin, but the authors kept sending me other places: read more from the recommended reading pages in the back, take your dog to obedience training--and not just "park" obedience training, take your dog to a specialist, etc. Apparently the first thing you need to do to train your dog is take them to obedience training. You can't do anything on your own ?
And apparently you can't buy adult dogs, either (esp. at a shelter, where you don't know the dogs' bloodlines!!). You need to buy a puppy from a breeder to send them to "ktp" --> Kindergarten Puppy Classes, and then to obedience training. ("Since your dog already has a basic understanding of sit from puppy classes ...")
There's also a very handy section on how to name your dog! "Two-syllable words are recommended, and one syllable is not, even though they're common", etc. Don't name your dogs after something about their appearance (i.e. Spot), and don't name your dog cutesy things like Cupcake! Excuse you, me and my rottweiler, Cupcake, will be happy together forever (I had rottweilers growing up, and most of them were huge softies; Cupcake would fit perfectly).
I wish this was a simple manual on how to teach (or re-teach, in this case) my dog basic things, but the actual lessons it contained were overshadowed by a bunch of elitist blather.
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