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Grief is a Sneaky Bitch: An Uncensored Guide to Navigating Loss
A comprehensive and compassionate guide to navigating loss. When social worker Lisa Keefauver became a widow in 2011, she was alarmed to discover that even though 100 percent of us experience loss, we’re living in a grief illiterate world. In her work as a therapist, and in her search for help in the wake of her own loss, Keefauver began to see how the misguided stories we consume about grief lead to unnecessary suffering. Responding to the problematic narratives that grief is something to move on from after completing the five stages like some sort of to-do list, Keefauver became a grief activist. Through this book and her hit podcast of the same title, she creates a safe place to be inside the messiness of it all, to discover the full spectrum of grief, and to find the tools that help grievers move forward, not on. Grief is a Sneaky Bitch is a comprehensive guide—serving as both a manual full of insights and skills and more importantly, as a thoughtful companion that helps readers feel seen and held. Keefauver shares her personal and professional wisdom alongside the lessons she’s learned from clinicians, authors, poets, and friends. In place of rigid instructions and must-do checklists, Grief is a Sneaky Bitch invites reflection, encourages self-compassion, and explores the therapeutic power of humor with, yes, a bit of profanity.
272 pages, Paperback
Published June 4, 2024
90 people are currently reading
655 people want to read
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 42 reviews
October 12, 2024
This is by far the best grief book I have read. My dad died 4 years ago and a couple of grief books were gifted to me. And they were fine and they had some helpful information in them. But they both followed the traditional 5 steps of grief that we have all heard about. This book does not do that. This book admits that grief is not linear, it does not make sense, it comes and goes, and finally it admits that you don’t get over grief. You learn to live with it to some extent and to move forward. And really, we shouldn’t have “to get over” losing someone we love. This book also talked a lot about things I experienced in my grief journey but that no other books seems to talk about. Things like there is grief brain and you do live in a fog in the early days after a loved one’s death. Grief is meandering – one day you can’t get off the couch for all your crying and the next you can’t stay home and sit as you have so much energy. It acknowledges that grieving someone is more than just their death and that they are gone right now– it’s also the grief of no longer being able to make memories together or go through important events together. There is a loss for what hasn’t happened yet. And there is grief surrounding things that happen as a result of a death – such as my mom not able to afford to live alone after my dad died and needing to move in with me. Her whole way of life and where she lived all changed when my dad died. She had many things to grieve. The author also acknowledges that grief can start before someone dies if they have a terminal illness or are suffering from dementia. She also talks about people who would steal your grief because they want you to get on with your life and stop being sad. Now the author does like a good cuss word and she is a bit sarcastic in tone at times, so that style might not be for everyone. But I will be gifting this book to those in need of it from now on.
February 10, 2025
Keefauver has the uncanny ability to write something that makes you say out loud “there’s no way that xyz applies to me,” — which she then immediately follows with “now, I know you’re thinking xyz will never apply to you BUT here’s why it does.” This book felt like talking to an older, wiser best friend who can read my mind before I even have the thought. A must-read for anyone on their grief journey.
December 13, 2024
Best book ever on dealing with grief..
I so appreciate this author, she speaks as a real person without all the technical terms. She also talks about the different stages, a couple that surprised me since I have never heard of them in any other book, yet I experienced them.
I never thought anyone could understand the type of grief I have experienced since it was different than other types of grief, but somehow she did, and I am so thankful to her for that.
I was very comforted reading this book, and I even laughed a bit, knowing that how I felt was ok and that I wasn't crazy or wrong for feeling the way I have, and that my feelings were just as valid as anyone else's and should not be discounted as many have done to me. There were some people who tried to make me feel guilty for feeling how I was feeling. After reading this book, I no longer feel guilty.
I will be purchasing this book to have on hand to refer back to when I need to, because what Lisa said is true...Grief really IS a sneaky bitch, but hopefully now I'll know how to handle it a little better.
I so appreciate this author, she speaks as a real person without all the technical terms. She also talks about the different stages, a couple that surprised me since I have never heard of them in any other book, yet I experienced them.
I never thought anyone could understand the type of grief I have experienced since it was different than other types of grief, but somehow she did, and I am so thankful to her for that.
I was very comforted reading this book, and I even laughed a bit, knowing that how I felt was ok and that I wasn't crazy or wrong for feeling the way I have, and that my feelings were just as valid as anyone else's and should not be discounted as many have done to me. There were some people who tried to make me feel guilty for feeling how I was feeling. After reading this book, I no longer feel guilty.
I will be purchasing this book to have on hand to refer back to when I need to, because what Lisa said is true...Grief really IS a sneaky bitch, but hopefully now I'll know how to handle it a little better.
November 24, 2024
I just finished listening to this audio book narrated by the author. She includes many helpful ‘invitations’ to move forward with grief. I started my grief journey 3 and a half years ago when my husband died at age 52. I felt seen and validated listening to the book. I have already gone back to several chapters to listen again.
September 23, 2024
My review as it appeared in the Winnipeg Free Press:
Grief is a Sneaky Bitch: An Uncensored Guide to Navigating Loss
By Lisa Keefauver
University of Texas Press, 272 pages, $26.95
Most of us experience profound loss at some point in our lives, yet we live in a culture that is often ‘grief illiterate,’ according to grief expert Lisa Keefauver, who has penned a book, cheekily entitled, Grief is a Sneaky Bitch: An Uncensored Guide to Navigating Loss.
“Grieving is not something that can be completely done and certainly not in a hurry,” Keefauver writes in her 272-page guidebook on how to live with loss, reestablish your identity in grief, and redefine a relationship with a lost loved one. “It’s not something we can complete by checking off a to-do list.”
Rather, she offers an alternative to the myth of closure for anyone experiencing loss. Instead of trying to move on from grief, she explores ways of moving forward with it.
As a social worker and grief activist with lived experience, Keefauver dispels many myths, such as the often repeated yet entirely untrue phrase that time heals all wounds. “Time is a necessary but insufficient ingredient to healing. Simply letting time pass isn’t enough. During that time, we need to attend to our cognitive, emotional, physical, spiritual and relational well-being,” she writes.
Through experiencing her own grief after the unexpected loss of her husband in 2011, and in her work as a therapist, Keefauver has identified many other mistruths that contribute to unnecessary suffering and feeling stuck in grief. By exploring thirty-five specific topics, she offers contrary ways of viewing the often-misunderstood process, while providing a how-to method for healing.
Each topic provides well-researched information along with an invitation to examine new ways of understanding emotions associated with loss, such as sadness and guilt.
“It’s more helpful to look at the presence of our emotions as information rather than having an inherent good/bad value,” she writes. “Trust that they will move through you, as every single emotion you’ve ever experienced has done.”
There are meditations and practices to discover new ways of tackling sticky emotions, and even a section for those experiencing complex grief where trauma is intertwined with loss, resulting in intense feelings of regret and anguish.
In a section entitled There is No Grief GPS, Keefauver invites the reader to address the inexplicable pain within the many unanswered questions accompanying grief, such as How will I raise my children without their father? or How will I carry on without my mother?
What follows are contemplative ways of “exploring what it would feel like to make peace with the question and with the fact that for now, you might not have an answer.”
Included in the appendix is a list of what not to say to someone who is grieving, such as “everything happens for a reason,” or any sentence that begins with “At least…” and how to react when unhelpful comments come your way.
At its best, Keefauver identifies one of the most heart-wrenching feelings many of us experience in the aftermath of loss, while shining a light to finding our way through. “Navigating the world without their presence may cause you to feel as if you’re in a perpetual state of homesickness…[but] as a result of new experiences, new connections, hard work, healing, resting, and feeling all the feels, we find ourselves somewhere that feels like home.”
Undoubtedly, this guidebook is a companion for anyone in a season of loss and walking that complex, confusing, disorientating, and lonely path toward home.
Grief is a Sneaky Bitch: An Uncensored Guide to Navigating Loss
By Lisa Keefauver
University of Texas Press, 272 pages, $26.95
Most of us experience profound loss at some point in our lives, yet we live in a culture that is often ‘grief illiterate,’ according to grief expert Lisa Keefauver, who has penned a book, cheekily entitled, Grief is a Sneaky Bitch: An Uncensored Guide to Navigating Loss.
“Grieving is not something that can be completely done and certainly not in a hurry,” Keefauver writes in her 272-page guidebook on how to live with loss, reestablish your identity in grief, and redefine a relationship with a lost loved one. “It’s not something we can complete by checking off a to-do list.”
Rather, she offers an alternative to the myth of closure for anyone experiencing loss. Instead of trying to move on from grief, she explores ways of moving forward with it.
As a social worker and grief activist with lived experience, Keefauver dispels many myths, such as the often repeated yet entirely untrue phrase that time heals all wounds. “Time is a necessary but insufficient ingredient to healing. Simply letting time pass isn’t enough. During that time, we need to attend to our cognitive, emotional, physical, spiritual and relational well-being,” she writes.
Through experiencing her own grief after the unexpected loss of her husband in 2011, and in her work as a therapist, Keefauver has identified many other mistruths that contribute to unnecessary suffering and feeling stuck in grief. By exploring thirty-five specific topics, she offers contrary ways of viewing the often-misunderstood process, while providing a how-to method for healing.
Each topic provides well-researched information along with an invitation to examine new ways of understanding emotions associated with loss, such as sadness and guilt.
“It’s more helpful to look at the presence of our emotions as information rather than having an inherent good/bad value,” she writes. “Trust that they will move through you, as every single emotion you’ve ever experienced has done.”
There are meditations and practices to discover new ways of tackling sticky emotions, and even a section for those experiencing complex grief where trauma is intertwined with loss, resulting in intense feelings of regret and anguish.
In a section entitled There is No Grief GPS, Keefauver invites the reader to address the inexplicable pain within the many unanswered questions accompanying grief, such as How will I raise my children without their father? or How will I carry on without my mother?
What follows are contemplative ways of “exploring what it would feel like to make peace with the question and with the fact that for now, you might not have an answer.”
Included in the appendix is a list of what not to say to someone who is grieving, such as “everything happens for a reason,” or any sentence that begins with “At least…” and how to react when unhelpful comments come your way.
At its best, Keefauver identifies one of the most heart-wrenching feelings many of us experience in the aftermath of loss, while shining a light to finding our way through. “Navigating the world without their presence may cause you to feel as if you’re in a perpetual state of homesickness…[but] as a result of new experiences, new connections, hard work, healing, resting, and feeling all the feels, we find ourselves somewhere that feels like home.”
Undoubtedly, this guidebook is a companion for anyone in a season of loss and walking that complex, confusing, disorientating, and lonely path toward home.
May 25, 2025
I intended on starting this book before my dad died (terminal brain cancer, glioblastoma) to help prep myself for the grief. Life had other plans and I started it a few days after he passed. Before reading it, I thought I was crazy and that something was wrong with me. That grief shouldn’t feel the way it did or present itself the way it has. Through reading this, I realized that all the emotions I’ve experienced are a normal part of grief and that it is entirely normal (and okay) for them to come and go as fast as they do. While this book didn’t lessen the grief like I had originally hoped, it did help me realize that everything I’m feeling and going through is a normal part of grief and that nothing is wrong with me or the way I am grieving.
April 19, 2024
I can’t say that I enjoyed reading this book. After all, it’s all about mourning a loss, usually death, and that always makes us uncomfortable. In fact, Keefauver says our culture has “grief illiteracy,” where we avoid the topic, often to our detriment. However, since we will all experience grief at some point, we need her book. She knows grief well, describing her husband’s unexpected death and her own process of coming to terms with life without him. She writes to fellow grievers intimately, clearly identifying with them [us] the myriad emotions along the way, reiterating that there isn’t a fixed or correct way to mourn. She offers helpful steps to take in working through various situations; the list of things to say—or not say—is invaluable.
While I am not walking with grief right now, this is definitely a tool I want in my arsenal when I do.
Thanks to Edelweiss for the arc!
Very highly recommended!
While I am not walking with grief right now, this is definitely a tool I want in my arsenal when I do.
Thanks to Edelweiss for the arc!
Very highly recommended!
October 11, 2024
Not necessarily the most fun read, but definitely a book I wish I’d read before my own year of loss. In the rear view mirror I can recognize myself stumbling into some of these practices haphazardly or accidentally, but this book lays them out easier to understand and access. You’ll support people better in their grief and be better supported to face your own if you pick this up.
August 1, 2024
Profound and extremely well written book on a topic we can all relate to.
February 20, 2025
In grief, our attention is anywhere but the present. So often we're engrossed in replaying moments from the past or running "what if" scenarios about actions that we imagine would've resulted in different outcomes.
This book was indeed an uncensored and unfiltered guide to navigate those difficult feelings and hard hitting never-ending thoughts - as it happens.
Nothing can reverse time or make things 'better', and it's about staying afloat.
We know that the intensity of our memories and emotions related to loss ebbs and flows, sometimes coming in strong like tidal or tsunami waves and other times gently lapping on the shore.
A must-read.
This book was indeed an uncensored and unfiltered guide to navigate those difficult feelings and hard hitting never-ending thoughts - as it happens.
Nothing can reverse time or make things 'better', and it's about staying afloat.
We know that the intensity of our memories and emotions related to loss ebbs and flows, sometimes coming in strong like tidal or tsunami waves and other times gently lapping on the shore.
A must-read.
April 25, 2025
Cannot explain how incredibly helpful this book has been in the wake of my Dada's death. I find books/podcasts so helpful when navigating anything difficult or new in my life, and this book did not disappoint. I started with the audiobook when I was in my early grief and couldn't focus on a page, then bought the hard copy so I would be able to refer back to it as much as possible. I have already read some chapters multiple times.
Living in a world without my dad is a whole new landscape, but one that I've been able to learn about better because of this book.
Living in a world without my dad is a whole new landscape, but one that I've been able to learn about better because of this book.
March 8, 2025
I read this book over a couple months, one chapter at a time, and it was exactly what I needed to start off this year. This definitely isn’t one of those overly generalized self-help books where there’s nothing new to be found. While some chapters resonated more than others, cumulatively they helped me process and make a little more space for my grief. I appreciated the short chapters and the exercises at the end of each one. I also found myself writing down pages and pages of quotes to revisit later, though I can see myself returning to the whole book at some point.
June 9, 2025
This reads like every good grief book should. there are lots of small chunks full of good information. Some parts really hit me and some parts made me cry. The only thing that could have made it better would be if every part really got me. But that is an unrealistic expectation of a grief book because if how complex grief is.
dnf
July 16, 2025Update at 32%: With 3 separate Harry Potter references by 32% of the audio, I'm gonna DNF this one. Which is sad, because I had high hopes for it. I'll stick with Megan Devine's wonderful It's OK That You're Not OK instead, I suppose.
Update at 10%: Could do without a Harry Potter reference in a 2024 book about grief (or anything).
Update at 10%: Could do without a Harry Potter reference in a 2024 book about grief (or anything).
September 26, 2025
4.5 I recommend this one to anyone grieving or supporting someone who is grieving. It felt supportive no matter what stage you are in and how you are taking care of yourself during your grief journey.
March 20, 2025
Such a wonderful book on grief! I love the advice and her honesty in the way she writes and reaches out. I’ll be rereading this book many more times to help me through my own grief journey.
Read
November 11, 2024Before reading this book I took pride in never crying. Now I cry about my grief all the time. I wept while reading this in Olive Garden. Thank you Lisa Keefauver.
November 9, 2024
Grief is sneaky. I enjoyed the audiobook of this book!
September 17, 2024
One of the better books I've read on grief. Recommended reading!
January 19, 2025
Did not quite finish the book but the author encourages the reader to read this book by skipping around and focusing on where you live in your grieving. So I am going to put it down for now but maybe pick it up as I continue through grief in the next few years. That being said, this book is a down to earth look at grieving. I recommend it for sure.
September 15, 2024
This book made me cry, laugh, and smile throughout. I recently lost my mom and now have many tools in my toolbox to help live with my grief. I am eager to return back to the book when faced with specific situations
November 2, 2024
Just what I needed. Small bits for easy processing.
May 7, 2025
This book is great for the grief stages of losing a loved one. I loved the quotes singled out between paragraphs. I skimmed it and feel I was able to be reminded of some important bullet points:
—pause and be patient
—turn to your breathe buddy-let them
Help you
—don’t say should
—ignore the dumb responses that aren’t helpful
—grief doesn’t have a gps-everyone takes a different route
—pause and be patient
—turn to your breathe buddy-let them
Help you
—don’t say should
—ignore the dumb responses that aren’t helpful
—grief doesn’t have a gps-everyone takes a different route
August 9, 2025
A really empowering book that has helped me immensely to navigate my own personal grief journey.
October 3, 2024
This book (especially the title) was meant for me and my particular sense of humor to read. Relatable, knowledgeable content. Loved there was a reference to Atul Gawande's "Being Mortal: Medicine and What Matters in the End," as I come full circle in my grief research cycle. Highly recommend this and Being Mortal to anyone interested in wrapping your head around life, death, and grief in general - as well as anyone looking to support a person in their grief.
August 1, 2024
A beautiful balance of comprehensive and digestible. Lisa’s writing has a gentle flow that keeps this heavy topic easy to consume while offering tangible steps grievers can implement at their own speed. A perfect read following a loss.
October 8, 2024
Yes, grief is a sneaky, underhanded, come out of nowhere bitch.
March 7, 2025
Really helpful
February 27, 2025
This is a good choice for people who want to process their grief but don't want a "step-by-step guide." Lisa Keefauver's words and advice were very real.
August 27, 2024
This is a warm, irreverent, and powerful guide to help those navigating grief and those supporting the bereaved. The author shares her harrowing journey of losing her husband—a massive, undiagnosed tumor caused a scary shift in his behavior. It culminated in a series of catastrophic strokes that eventually took his life. Lisa delves into the complexities of grief with care and compassion. The book may not be able to convince a griever that the pain will end or that what's happening is normal. But the author walks through different examples of why it's happening, why it's temporary, and what you can do to help mitigate it. She suggests that we do our best to release the resistance and allow it to pass through us because, eventually, it will. And the more we do that, the more we can metabolize our grief.
The author did a wonderful job of weaving in a bit of her professional training as a social worker with her personal narrative. She did a really painful, great emotional job of describing grief, and the passage that resonated with me most was this confusion after the immediate aftermath of a loss. "We're like, how is the world still going on? Like, how is it? I don't think I dug it."
To listen to my interview with the author, go to my podcast at:
https://zibbymedia.com/blogs/transcri...
The author did a wonderful job of weaving in a bit of her professional training as a social worker with her personal narrative. She did a really painful, great emotional job of describing grief, and the passage that resonated with me most was this confusion after the immediate aftermath of a loss. "We're like, how is the world still going on? Like, how is it? I don't think I dug it."
To listen to my interview with the author, go to my podcast at:
https://zibbymedia.com/blogs/transcri...
Displaying 1 - 30 of 42 reviews