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Hine Toa
The immersive, inspiring and long-awaited memoir by legendary activist and scholar Ngahuia Te Awekotuku
Ohinemutu, the 1960s. On a pā on the western edge of Lake Rotorua, a young girl is adopted into a world of boiling mud and hissing steam. Raised by a kuia and mother skilled in weaving and haka, the girl is different - nose always in a book, Miss Too Big for Her Boots - and longs to be accepted by her community for who she really is. After gaining a scholarship to study at university, she discovers an educational and legal system that ignores her, and is determined to fight for justice. Ngahuia stokes resistance as a founding member of Ngā Tamatoa and Women's and Gay Liberation movements, becoming a critical voice in protests around the country, from Waitangi to the steps of parliament. In this transporting, fiery and inspiring memoir by one of New Zealand's most legendary activists and scholars, Ngahuia Te Awekotuku tells her story of re-defining what was possible for a working-class girl from the pā. Roaming between the beauty and violence of the 60s and 70s, the personal and the political, Hine Toa is a coming-of-age story about a girl who grew up with the odds stacked against her, but who had the strength and courage to carve a path of her own.
Ohinemutu, the 1960s. On a pā on the western edge of Lake Rotorua, a young girl is adopted into a world of boiling mud and hissing steam. Raised by a kuia and mother skilled in weaving and haka, the girl is different - nose always in a book, Miss Too Big for Her Boots - and longs to be accepted by her community for who she really is. After gaining a scholarship to study at university, she discovers an educational and legal system that ignores her, and is determined to fight for justice. Ngahuia stokes resistance as a founding member of Ngā Tamatoa and Women's and Gay Liberation movements, becoming a critical voice in protests around the country, from Waitangi to the steps of parliament. In this transporting, fiery and inspiring memoir by one of New Zealand's most legendary activists and scholars, Ngahuia Te Awekotuku tells her story of re-defining what was possible for a working-class girl from the pā. Roaming between the beauty and violence of the 60s and 70s, the personal and the political, Hine Toa is a coming-of-age story about a girl who grew up with the odds stacked against her, but who had the strength and courage to carve a path of her own.
350 pages, Kindle Edition
First published April 17, 2024
29 people are currently reading
413 people want to read
About the author
Ngahuia Te Awekotuku
6 books34 followersNgahuia Te Awekotuku MNZM (1949– ) is a New Zealand academic specialising in Māori cultural issues and a lesbian activist. She is descended from Te Arawa, Tūhoe and Waikato iwi.
As a student Te Awekotuku was a member of Ngā Tamatoa a the University of Auckland, her MA thesis was on Janet Frame and her PhD on the effects of tourism on the Te Arawa people. She has been curator of ethnology at the Waikato Museum; lecturer in art history at Auckland University, and professor ofMaori studies at Victoria University of Wellington. She is currently 'Professor of Research and Development' at Waikato University.
In 1972, Te Awekotuku was denied a visitors permit to the USA on the grounds that she was a homosexual. Publicity around the incident was a catalyst in the formation of Gay Liberation groups in New Zealand. This may have been related to a TV interview she gave in 1971, in which she described herself as a 'sapphic woman'.
(from Wikipedia)
As a student Te Awekotuku was a member of Ngā Tamatoa a the University of Auckland, her MA thesis was on Janet Frame and her PhD on the effects of tourism on the Te Arawa people. She has been curator of ethnology at the Waikato Museum; lecturer in art history at Auckland University, and professor ofMaori studies at Victoria University of Wellington. She is currently 'Professor of Research and Development' at Waikato University.
In 1972, Te Awekotuku was denied a visitors permit to the USA on the grounds that she was a homosexual. Publicity around the incident was a catalyst in the formation of Gay Liberation groups in New Zealand. This may have been related to a TV interview she gave in 1971, in which she described herself as a 'sapphic woman'.
(from Wikipedia)
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Displaying 1 - 26 of 26 reviews
May 15, 2025
Winner of the Ockham's General Non Fiction Award (2025)
4.5★
Definition Hine Toa = Female Warrior
Which Ngahuia really is - the challenges she faced would have felled a lesser woman. This book is beautifully written but still a hard read with so many difficult challenges so much sexual abuse, so much abandonment, so much prejudice. Where Ngahuia was occasionally knocked right down, she picked herself right back up. & this is the most honest account of a woman's own sexuality I think I have ever read.
I'm looking forward to reading more Ngahuia's books & discovering more of her academic side. Among other achievements, she was the first Māori woman to gain a PHD from a New Zealand University.
A remarkable life.
4.5★
Definition Hine Toa = Female Warrior
Which Ngahuia really is - the challenges she faced would have felled a lesser woman. This book is beautifully written but still a hard read with so many difficult challenges so much sexual abuse, so much abandonment, so much prejudice. Where Ngahuia was occasionally knocked right down, she picked herself right back up. & this is the most honest account of a woman's own sexuality I think I have ever read.
I'm looking forward to reading more Ngahuia's books & discovering more of her academic side. Among other achievements, she was the first Māori woman to gain a PHD from a New Zealand University.
A remarkable life.
https://wordpress.com/view/carolshess...
May 11, 2024
Book of the year!
May 31, 2025
Beyond words !! Challenging and moving, beautifully written. I highly, highly recommend.
(TW for physical/sexual abuse, read with care)
(TW for physical/sexual abuse, read with care)
February 23, 2025
Incredible. And kind of beyond description.
Also, it is clear to me I would devour a book that was just the annotated minutes of Ngā Tamatoa.
Also, it is clear to me I would devour a book that was just the annotated minutes of Ngā Tamatoa.
December 7, 2024
A fantastic read that describes the many challenges faced by wahine Māori through the decades. Of course the author has taken liberties in telling her story but that’s her prerogative and it makes the book move along so well.
December 17, 2024
This book was so impactful! I’m a child of Te Arawa and hearing the first half of this book discuss Whakarewarewa and the hot pools I also explored in my childhood was wonderful, but then to move beyond that to listen to another takatāpui learn about themselves. The descriptions of women made me smile and blush, and the losses and hurts made my chest crawl in on itself in pain. An incredible book I couldn’t put down, and one I am so glad to have experienced. Aroha nui ❤️
Laying in bed next to my own beautiful girlfriend who I’d love to have a family with one day, I had to take a moment to read her the line “Don't ever forget, my girl. Although you're not the child of my womb; you are the child of my heart."
Laying in bed next to my own beautiful girlfriend who I’d love to have a family with one day, I had to take a moment to read her the line “Don't ever forget, my girl. Although you're not the child of my womb; you are the child of my heart."
June 7, 2024
"Don’t ever forget, my girl. Although you’re not the child of my womb; you are the child of my heart."
This is an immersive, inspiring, and long-awaited memoir by legendary activist and scholar Ngahuia Te Awekotuku.
Ohinemutu, the 1960s. On a pā nestled by the tranquil Lake Rotorua, a young girl grows up surrounded by boiling mud and hissing steam. Adopted into a world steeped in tikanga, she is nurtured by a kuia and a mother skilled in the arts of weaving and haka. But the girl is different—forever lost in books, often dismissed as Miss Too Big for Her Boots. She yearns for acceptance, to be seen and embraced by her community for who she truly is.
A scholarship to university reveals a broader world, but it is one that marginalises and dismisses her heritage. Faced with an educational and legal system that overlooks her existence, she resolves to fight for justice. Ngahuia ignites the fires of resistance, emerging as a founding member of Ngā Tamatoa and the Women's and Gay Liberation movements. Her voice becomes a beacon in protests across the country, from the sacred grounds of Waitangi to the imposing steps of parliament.
In this poignant and, at times, heart breaking memoir, Ngahuia Te Awekotuku recounts her journey of redefining possibilities for a working-class girl from the pā. Through the beauty and brutality of the 60s and 70s, navigating the personal and the political, Hine Toa tells the story of a girl who faced insurmountable odds with unwavering strength and courage, ultimately carving out her own path.
This is a tale of resilience and hope, of a young woman who dared to dream beyond her circumstances, inspiring a legacy of change and empowerment.
"What I wanted to with my life was no longer about running away from somewhere and more like running towards somewhere."
This is an immersive, inspiring, and long-awaited memoir by legendary activist and scholar Ngahuia Te Awekotuku.
Ohinemutu, the 1960s. On a pā nestled by the tranquil Lake Rotorua, a young girl grows up surrounded by boiling mud and hissing steam. Adopted into a world steeped in tikanga, she is nurtured by a kuia and a mother skilled in the arts of weaving and haka. But the girl is different—forever lost in books, often dismissed as Miss Too Big for Her Boots. She yearns for acceptance, to be seen and embraced by her community for who she truly is.
A scholarship to university reveals a broader world, but it is one that marginalises and dismisses her heritage. Faced with an educational and legal system that overlooks her existence, she resolves to fight for justice. Ngahuia ignites the fires of resistance, emerging as a founding member of Ngā Tamatoa and the Women's and Gay Liberation movements. Her voice becomes a beacon in protests across the country, from the sacred grounds of Waitangi to the imposing steps of parliament.
In this poignant and, at times, heart breaking memoir, Ngahuia Te Awekotuku recounts her journey of redefining possibilities for a working-class girl from the pā. Through the beauty and brutality of the 60s and 70s, navigating the personal and the political, Hine Toa tells the story of a girl who faced insurmountable odds with unwavering strength and courage, ultimately carving out her own path.
This is a tale of resilience and hope, of a young woman who dared to dream beyond her circumstances, inspiring a legacy of change and empowerment.
"What I wanted to with my life was no longer about running away from somewhere and more like running towards somewhere."
September 14, 2025
sensationally satisfying read. Ngahuia is genuinely an inspiration who shaped aotearoa for wahine, Māori, and gays alike.
i found it so interesting getting a glimpse into what i'm supposed to be thankful for. additionally, she read the book for the audiobook version, which made the entire journey so much more enjoyable.
she's just such a gorgeously interesting person, and i'm really thankful she didn't gloss over her formative years and skip straight to the activism. setting the scene for her beliefs and values made following her life feel like it was materialising in front of me. read Kiwi books!!!
i found it so interesting getting a glimpse into what i'm supposed to be thankful for. additionally, she read the book for the audiobook version, which made the entire journey so much more enjoyable.
she's just such a gorgeously interesting person, and i'm really thankful she didn't gloss over her formative years and skip straight to the activism. setting the scene for her beliefs and values made following her life feel like it was materialising in front of me. read Kiwi books!!!
June 30, 2024
ngāhuia is so wild to end her biography there. so so good. coming of age in nz in the 1950s of a girl who was very studious and academic as well as fiercely rebellious with strong values of liberation for marginalised groups. i will have to read up on what she did after this book ended because again, such a wild place to end the book. the audiobook was also a lovely experience to her her narrate!
June 14, 2025
Wow, wow, wow, what vivid writing about Ngāhuia’s activism to date. Truly inspiring, disturbing and educating of a book! Beautiful, tragic and fierce honesty of Māori activism from the 50’s. One of my favourites this year and wholeheartedly deserving of the Ockhams.
October 10, 2025
What an incredible wahine and life, highly recommend! I didn’t find the second half as gripping as the first, but overall loved the way the author chose to write this book.
Read
June 3, 2024Not revolutionary in its structure but maybe revolutionary in its content, this memoir (also narrated by the author if you are listening to it) describes Ngahuia's life from a rebellious kid to an academic and activist.
At times, I felt like it was simply reciting her past without much reflection or commentary which stopped me from fully immersing myself but there are also parts that were much more up my alley. I also loved having the front row to see how the gay liberation movement started in New Zealand.
I understand why the book spends much of its time in her earlier years but I was hoping for her to discuss at least some of her research projects and her experiences in academia. As the first Maori woman to earn a PhD in a New Zealand university, I feel like that perspective alone must have been unique - not to mention her interest in the cultural aspects of Maori lives. There are several nonfiction works out there that discuss the tensions between Indigenous practices and Western sciences and since she has been publishing her research for at least the last 20 years, I am sure she has an opinion on many things.
I also did not know that Tahuri (which I just read earlier this month) was actually biographical in parts. Not surprised since sexual assault seems to be a running theme when reading memoirs written by marginalized authors but it also explains how visceral those scenes were written.
(If interested in some pictures,this article is a very short summary of her life with photos included.
At times, I felt like it was simply reciting her past without much reflection or commentary which stopped me from fully immersing myself but there are also parts that were much more up my alley. I also loved having the front row to see how the gay liberation movement started in New Zealand.
I understand why the book spends much of its time in her earlier years but I was hoping for her to discuss at least some of her research projects and her experiences in academia. As the first Maori woman to earn a PhD in a New Zealand university, I feel like that perspective alone must have been unique - not to mention her interest in the cultural aspects of Maori lives. There are several nonfiction works out there that discuss the tensions between Indigenous practices and Western sciences and since she has been publishing her research for at least the last 20 years, I am sure she has an opinion on many things.
I also did not know that Tahuri (which I just read earlier this month) was actually biographical in parts. Not surprised since sexual assault seems to be a running theme when reading memoirs written by marginalized authors but it also explains how visceral those scenes were written.
(If interested in some pictures,this article is a very short summary of her life with photos included.
May 19, 2024
Hine Toa is a memoir by Ngāhuia Te Awekōtuku. I first came across Te Awekōtuku when I read her work Tahuri in my early 20s, it is a beautiful collection of linked short stories and I remember being impressed by the frank queer sexuality of the writing. I was thrilled to see Te Awekōtuku has written a memoir and it covers some of the same content. Hine Toa is prominently a coming of age, through childhood at the pā, navigating the white world, to university and activism. There’s beautiful writing about women’s spaces, Māori finding Māori, being at home in the village and finding freedom in the big city. I would like to meet the girl portrayed in this book- brave, smart and curious. I would also like to meet the young woman- rebellious, fucked up and confused. Mostly, I would like to meet her now. I have so many questions about her middle age and retirement. Did her life quieten? Did she meld the worlds she walks in? What is her life like now? Later life wasn’t really covered in the book. Hopefully Ngāhuia Te Awekōtuku writes a sequel.
Huge thank you to HarperCollins NZ for the review copy.
Huge thank you to HarperCollins NZ for the review copy.
September 17, 2024
An interesting, rather rambling memoir. Well written by a talented scholar of literature. Her early life in the pa in Rotorua with confusing cultural and sexual awakening followed by chotic and conflicted university days.
The 60's and 70's in Auckland were devisive, racial and sexual bigoted.
Her protest involvement was fueled by alchol, drugs, and sexual experimentation. She was ostracized by her Rotorua family, encouraged by radical artists, Huia seemed lost to both her cultural and academic roots, eventually escaping to Hawaii to complete her PhD seemingly now gaining acceptance and acknowledgment of her role in the NZ women's movement, Gay rights and Maori literature.
Interesting and disturbing.
The 60's and 70's in Auckland were devisive, racial and sexual bigoted.
Her protest involvement was fueled by alchol, drugs, and sexual experimentation. She was ostracized by her Rotorua family, encouraged by radical artists, Huia seemed lost to both her cultural and academic roots, eventually escaping to Hawaii to complete her PhD seemingly now gaining acceptance and acknowledgment of her role in the NZ women's movement, Gay rights and Maori literature.
Interesting and disturbing.
May 17, 2025
Personally I am grateful to the generation before mine for their activism and fight for the basic human rights to be recognised and afforded to all regardless of race or sexual orientation, so to Ngahuia, a thank you!
I enjoyed the second half of the book more than the first, the cultural ferment of the late 1960's and early 1970's was wild! Sadly the hope and optimism expressed for the future hasn't continued and today we still face the the challenges for sexual freedom and racial equality.
The book is a chaotic rambling of people and places and at times I found it difficult to "keep track" of the people and the familial connections and relationships, but such a fascinating story, and an important story that needed to be told and recorded for posterity.
Ngā mihi
I enjoyed the second half of the book more than the first, the cultural ferment of the late 1960's and early 1970's was wild! Sadly the hope and optimism expressed for the future hasn't continued and today we still face the the challenges for sexual freedom and racial equality.
The book is a chaotic rambling of people and places and at times I found it difficult to "keep track" of the people and the familial connections and relationships, but such a fascinating story, and an important story that needed to be told and recorded for posterity.
Ngā mihi
May 31, 2025
A brave person writing with honesty - this autobiography records how a young woman navigated all her worlds growing up in New Zealand in the 1950s, 60s, 70s. Moving between pakeha and Maori, activism, being gay, racism, baby adopted - endless challenges which nearly destroyed her but she came back fighting every time. This book is a worthy finalist in the 2025 Ockham NZ Book Awards.
January 1, 2025
4
Hine Toa is the memoir of the incredible Ngāhuia te Awekōtuku, whom I had not heard of until I read about her and this book in a Word Festival brochure and decided to go and watch her speak. Instantly I was fan girl-ing, as Ngāhuia is gorgeous and was dressed like an absolute icon; sat in full black, with a black leather jacket that trailed all the way to her feet where she was wearing thick, chunky black boots. She has a gray buzzcut, an ataahua moko kauae and speaks with a very old timey posh accent so all in all she is how I aim to be when I am in my seventies. The way she spoke about activism inspired me and things she said about the current political state of the world in comparison to back in her time in Ngā Tamatoa were fascinating and made so much sense to me. After the event I went and bought her book, joining the line to have it signed by her and when I reached her I told her that I am a young activist and aspire to be like her. She replied, 'Well don't make the same mistakes that I did!"
The first half of Hine Toa describes Ngahuia's childhood up until university, and is somewhat slow-paced. Ngāhuia describes the homes she has lived in and the pā in great detail, somehow remembering the architecture and interior of what seems like just about everywhere she's been. She describes funny childhood memories, highly traumatic experiences, the schools she went to and her cousins, aunties and uncles, as well as her adoptive mother and kuia, and her biological family too. I loved all of the stories she told in this first half, however, for me, the detailed and lengthy descriptions of the physical items and buildings weighed them down and made the reading feel more wordy and slow-paced which I didn't much enjoy. I'm sure some people would have loved it though!
The second half of the book was certainly my favourite, and is a fast-paced zoom through her university years and time in Ngā Tamatoa etc. She talks about the queer girls she made friends with, the queer girls she hooked up with, the racism of the law school, the characters in the flats she lived in, feminist actions, Māori-rights actions, LGBTQ+ actions and much more. It was most fascinating reading about the dynamics between the members of Ngā Tamatoa and the way in which what they did at the time seemed so uncertain and risky in the moment and was looked down upon by so many. That is the reality of activism, and it is calming to know that icons such as Ngāhuia and Tame Iti received the same horrified reactions at the time as I feel as an activist now, even though now, decades later, their work is famous and looked up to hugely throughout the country.
Her stories about Ngā Tamatoa only made-up a very small part of the book however, and I could easily read a whole book just about Ngāhuia's activism specifically, but as she said at the Word Festival event, she stopped the activism stories just before things started to get incriminating. All in all this was a fantastic, descriptive memoir, and if Ngāhuia ever wrote a second memoir describing her years following uni, I would certainly also give it a read.
Hine Toa is the memoir of the incredible Ngāhuia te Awekōtuku, whom I had not heard of until I read about her and this book in a Word Festival brochure and decided to go and watch her speak. Instantly I was fan girl-ing, as Ngāhuia is gorgeous and was dressed like an absolute icon; sat in full black, with a black leather jacket that trailed all the way to her feet where she was wearing thick, chunky black boots. She has a gray buzzcut, an ataahua moko kauae and speaks with a very old timey posh accent so all in all she is how I aim to be when I am in my seventies. The way she spoke about activism inspired me and things she said about the current political state of the world in comparison to back in her time in Ngā Tamatoa were fascinating and made so much sense to me. After the event I went and bought her book, joining the line to have it signed by her and when I reached her I told her that I am a young activist and aspire to be like her. She replied, 'Well don't make the same mistakes that I did!"
The first half of Hine Toa describes Ngahuia's childhood up until university, and is somewhat slow-paced. Ngāhuia describes the homes she has lived in and the pā in great detail, somehow remembering the architecture and interior of what seems like just about everywhere she's been. She describes funny childhood memories, highly traumatic experiences, the schools she went to and her cousins, aunties and uncles, as well as her adoptive mother and kuia, and her biological family too. I loved all of the stories she told in this first half, however, for me, the detailed and lengthy descriptions of the physical items and buildings weighed them down and made the reading feel more wordy and slow-paced which I didn't much enjoy. I'm sure some people would have loved it though!
The second half of the book was certainly my favourite, and is a fast-paced zoom through her university years and time in Ngā Tamatoa etc. She talks about the queer girls she made friends with, the queer girls she hooked up with, the racism of the law school, the characters in the flats she lived in, feminist actions, Māori-rights actions, LGBTQ+ actions and much more. It was most fascinating reading about the dynamics between the members of Ngā Tamatoa and the way in which what they did at the time seemed so uncertain and risky in the moment and was looked down upon by so many. That is the reality of activism, and it is calming to know that icons such as Ngāhuia and Tame Iti received the same horrified reactions at the time as I feel as an activist now, even though now, decades later, their work is famous and looked up to hugely throughout the country.
Her stories about Ngā Tamatoa only made-up a very small part of the book however, and I could easily read a whole book just about Ngāhuia's activism specifically, but as she said at the Word Festival event, she stopped the activism stories just before things started to get incriminating. All in all this was a fantastic, descriptive memoir, and if Ngāhuia ever wrote a second memoir describing her years following uni, I would certainly also give it a read.
August 25, 2025
Wow. Best book of 2025 for me for sure. Listened to it read by Ngāhuia and I laughed and I gasped and I cried. I'll be thinking about this NZ history and the hurt and the fighters for a long time after finishing the story.
June 8, 2024
The best nonfiction read of 2024
October 16, 2024
An amazing memoir. I have lots of questions on how Ngāhuia’s life went and would love a sequel
December 11, 2024
Sad but inspiring, amazing woman, so courageous
December 31, 2024
finished reading this like a week ago, what a woman!
January 6, 2025
what a legend
February 24, 2025
*4.5 stars!
CAWPILE: 9.00/10.00
CAWPILE: 9.00/10.00
December 29, 2025
I both read this book and listened to the audio on my long drives. It was a great read and listen, such an intimate and honest story that both inspired me and broke my heart.
January 8, 2025
The absolute 🐐 one of the best memoirs I’ve read
Displaying 1 - 26 of 26 reviews