Better Small Talk: Talk to Anyone, Avoid Awkwardness, Generate Deep Conversations, and Make Real Friends

by Patrick King

Actionable and applicable verbal maneuvers for just about every phase of conversation. From hello to goodbye, with strangers or old friends, you'll learn how to simply go deeper. Better Small Talk is a unique read. Imagine the following you've just put on your name tag, and you're approached by a stranger. What do you say? Nice weather today. No, we can do better than this. Learn better small talk to avoid awkwardness, put people at ease, and build real rapport. Patrick King is an internationally bestselling author and social skills coach. His writing draws of a variety of sources, from scientific research, academic experience, coaching, and real life experience. He suffered for years as a shy introvert and managed to boil human interaction down to a science - first for himself, and now for you. •How to tell captivating stories and what to actually focus on.•Four ways to warm yourself up and prepare for even the most unpredictable conversations.•Instantly setting a tone of friendship and openness with strangers.•Common and subtle conversational habits you need to stop right now Simple conversation is the gatekeeper to friendships, your dream career, romance, and overall happiness. The ability to connect with anyone is an underrated superpower. People will be more drawn to you without even knowing why, and never again people will people be bored talking to you. You’ll never run out of things to say when you master these conversation tactics. This is the sixth book in the “How to be More Likable and Charismatic” series as listed •Improve Your Think on Your Feet, Witty Banter, and Always Know What To Say with Improv Comedy Techniques•Improve Your People How to Connect With Anyone, Communicate Effectively, Develop Deep Relationships, and Become a People Person•The Art of Witty Be Clever, Be Quick, Be Interesting - Create Captivating Conversation•Principles of Skills for a Memorable First Impression, Captivating Presence, and Instant Friendships•Magnetic How to Build Instant Rapport, Be More Likable, and Make a Memorable Impression – Gain the It Factor•Better Small Talk to Anyone, Avoid Awkwardness, Generate Deep Conversations, and Make Real Friends

Genres: Self Help, Nonfiction, Communication, Psychology, Personal Development, Relationships, Personal Growth

Audible Audio

First published April 13, 2020

About the author

Patrick King is a Social Interaction Specialist, in other words, a dating, online dating, image, and communication and social skills coach based in San Francisco, California, and has been featured on numerous national publications such as Inc.com. He’s also a #1 Amazon best-selling dating and relationships author with the most popular online dating book on the market, and writes frequently on dating, love, sex, and relationships.

He focuses on using his emotional intelligence and understanding of human interaction to break down emotional barriers, instill confidence, and equip people with the tools they need for success. No pickup artistry and no gimmicks, simply a thorough mastery of human psychology delivered with a dose of real talk, perfected and honed through three years of law school.

Reviews

[Laura Keegan · Rating 2 out of 5]

Felt like this was a lot of stating the obvious. I also have a massive distaste for books with chapter summaries. If you can provide a 3-5 bullet chapter summary distilling the same content in the chapter, maybe reconsider the whole book thing and instead publish an article

[Olivia Nahmias · Rating 4 out of 5]

*3.5 stars rounded up*
What a nifty little book. I notoriously talk to everyone so at first I thought it wasn’t going to be of much use to me as I couldn’t relate to being terribly hopeless in everyday conversation- but there are some good pointers and suggestions from which even the seasoned conversationalist can learn. From talking points to storytelling and mirroring to how we carry ourselves while speaking, this book is full of cute and insightful guides to help prevent dull, boring, and otherwise uninteresting interactions with other social humans. Generally, if you think you know it all already, you’re probably not as good at a tête-à-tête as you may think you are!

People claim to hate small talk, but that’s probably just because they’re having the wrong kind. It’s essential in the realm of getting to know someone. You can’t jump in with all your personal baggage and opinions because then people will get turned off and call you an over-sharer. You can’t develop a deeper relationship without setting the groundwork and backbone of ice-breaking. One of the reasons we hate people on the internet is because they give too much of their opinions in comments prior to us knowing anything further about them, leading us to form solidified first impressions of dislike. One of the reasons people open up to us after we compliment them is because we’ve found a chip in their spiky exterior. Some people find bold, uninhibited questions to be refreshing and enticing (like me) while others need the necessary steps in order to fully open up. This practical little book is full of conversational insight, especially when it teaches about the practice of Elicitation, HPM, SBR, and EDR.

[Tiffany · Rating 2 out of 5]

I'd skip this one.

[Pavel Nedelcu · Rating 5 out of 5]

A surprisingly practical and insightful look into one of the most uncomfortable aspects of social interaction: the dreaded small talk. While many books in the self-help genre promise transformation through vague motivational platitudes, this one stands out by giving concrete strategies that are both applicable and refreshingly non-cringey.

What makes this book interesting is its underlying argument: small talk isn’t the enemy — it’s the gateway. Instead of avoiding it or rushing past it in hopes of reaching a "deeper" conversation, King shows how small talk can become meaningful when approached with the right mindset and tools. The focus isn’t just on talking more; it’s on talking better — asking better questions, listening actively, and creating moments of genuine connection without trying too hard.

One particularly useful idea is King’s “flow zone” technique — a conversational rhythm that balances personal sharing and open-ended curiosity. He also provides examples of phrases and transitions that sound natural, helping the reader sidestep robotic or forced interactions.

But perhaps the most appealing part of the book is its practicality. You don’t need to be naturally charismatic or extroverted to benefit from it. Whether you're networking, dating, or just trying to not panic at a party, the book feels like a friendly guide rather than a guru’s lecture.

In short, Better Small Talk doesn’t teach you how to fake confidence or dominate a conversation — it teaches you how to belong in one. It’s a smart read for anyone tired of awkward silences and ready to actually enjoy talking to strangers — or at least survive it with dignity.

[Ietrio · Rating 1 out of 5]

> Human beings are a social species.

Platitudes to fill in the space. Is there any substance?

> A 2010 study by Matthias Mehl

Who the f is that and why should I care?

> At the same time, the researchers also measured

It certainly looks like this volume is not a direct consequence of that study, rather the study is the improvised crutch to help a half-baked argument.

> There you have it; real evidence

Nope. Just a dishonest appeal to authority, because my cousin's wife's friend's boy heard that.

> Is this habit still serving us well?

Just another e-book guilt-tripping his own audience. Disgusting.

> A 2014 study by Epley and Schroeder

Oh, it's Epppeley. And it's the now infamous "A" study.

> but just as important is the way you prepare your body.

Two chapters down the drain. The third doesn't look any better.

> After climbing down

A page wasted. Copied from an out of copyright book, it says nothing with many words.

> Most people don’t barrel into conversation headfirst. Rather, they gently dip a toe in and test the waters.

Crap remarks intended to make a stupid man deep, at least in his opinion.

[Rebecca Branca · Rating 2 out of 5]

A bit too generalized and opinionated for my taste. The points are organized and stated in a matter-of-fact tone, but there’s not much to back up the arguments. Some of the tips are useful, especially in the compliments chapter and the idea of how turn the conversation back to the other person to appear more interesting. But overall, many of the tips were clouded by anecdotes and fluff. I was hoping for more psychological analysis (there was some here and there) and sociology concepts backed by scholarly sources.

[Kristen · Rating 3 out of 5]

A lot of the stuff in this book I found to be general knowledge, but I think everyone could learn at least something from this book. The most basic (and important imo) is to ASK QUESTIONS that lead to a story and actually listen to the answers - Wild that many people don't seem to realize 😂

[Jack · Rating 5 out of 5]

I was surprised by how useful this book was! Although I found every chapter useful, the standout chapter for me was #5 - on Compliments. Lots of good tips and everyone would benefit from reading it. I also appreciated the illustrative examples the author provided throughout the book; it helps the reader see their potentially flawed actions from another person's perspective. The result is greater emotional intelligence, another key trait for improved conversation skills.

Highly recommended book, and a quick read with many actionable points and exercises to immediately improve your skills and your perspective about conversations. I have a lot of takeaways from the book and saw immediate improvements in conversations while reading it.

[Planxti's Imaginary World · Rating 3 out of 5]

3.5 Stars

Very similar to other conversation books I've read. Helpful. A little boring.

[Dylane Borgen · Rating 4 out of 5]

Good advice/tips but gets a little redundant at the end. It's also more geared towards neurotypical conversation and doesn't account for different types of thinkers. Overall, I gained some useful skills that are helpful in my line of work talking to clients.

[Alexis Mauren · Rating 2 out of 5]

Mostly generic advice, a few good tidbits. A lot of bad advice. I do not recommend continually referring to yourself as a wiener dog and especially not “even if it didn’t go over well the first time.”

[Jonathan · Rating 4 out of 5]

Very simple and obvious principles, yet a good primer for anyone interested in having broader and more engaged relationships.

[Julia K · Rating 2 out of 5]

personally after reading this i do not think i needed this book, but apparently my mom thought so because she bought me this

[Randi · Rating 5 out of 5]

4.5 stars
I read this book to preview it for my son. He's on the autism spectrum and a counselor suggested this for him. I am a pretty good conversationalist, I think, but even I picked up some pointers.
I thought the layout of the book was dull. I'm not even sure how to explain that but it made it difficult for me to want to pick up the book. The second half was better than the first, but I especially like the last chapter.
The author suggested that if you're an interested person, you'll be interesting. I love this sentiment and find that's why I love to read and listen to podcasts.

[Christopher · Rating 2 out of 5]

I was really looking for a more scholarly approach. Or at least something more than "here are some things that occurred to me". The book was slightly better than what I could imagine being a stilted guide to conversation for people that are afraid of conversations. But, really not that much better than that bar.

Ok, I just wanted to hear about medium talk. And I came away a bit empty-handed, maybe other than an anecdote about the name for a particular spot of elephant hair.

[Ashok Krishna · Rating 2 out of 5]

Well, I picked up this book with a lot of hope - that this might help me overcome my introversion and a slightly misanthropic nature. But this was not to be. The author rambles on and on about 'small talk' and provides structures for what should be a simple, spontaneous exercise. I have read some better books on communication and human interactions and this isn't one of them.

[V · Rating 5 out of 5]

Every time I asked “But how?” the author was ready with a response. Reading this concurrently with therapy is really helpful.

[Mizzette Ao · Rating 4 out of 5]

“Sitting at home, working 24/7, or always talking about the same things won’t make you interesting.” Call me out thx

[Olivia Buchner · Rating 1 out of 5]

before you judge me this was for my corporate book club

[Michael Burnam-Fink · Rating 4 out of 5]

Okay, so small talk sucks. There is nothing that inspires more dread in me than small talk, particularly with strangers at cocktail parties. Small talk is literally soul-killing, but is a necessary prelude to deeper conversations, which I do enjoy. I've read Carnegie a bunch, and screw that antiquated nonsense. King is a self-credentialed charisma coach, which can conceal a lot of sins, but his advice makes sense, and falls into three major categories.

First, small talk is a skill that can be practiced, so practice it on victims who can't flee, like co-workers or retail employees. Be reasonable here, but you can try and move beyond. "How are you? Fine. And you? Fine." You can also warm up on your own time with dramatic reading and free-association exercises.

Second, you should prepare a conversational resume, short answers to questions about yourself and current events using the 1:1:1 format of (1) one action, (2) one emotion to be evoked, and (3) a one-sentence summary, advice which is particularly useful to me because as a person with letters after my name, I am by nature very wordy.

Finally, study reporters doing after game interviews of athletes for a model of how to ask good structured questions. It's worth taking the extra time to lay out a question that invites the other person to respond with a detailed story about themselves or their opinion on an issue, because that makes them feel appreciated, and details give you something to continue the conversation with. A question that can be terminated with a simple yes or no is a bad one. After game questions are a great example, because athletes are exhausted, amped up, and typically not selected for their expressiveness, yet reporters get something out of them.

There is also some general advice about letting the conversation flow, using compliments to get people to open up, and appreciative listening. This book is part of a 20+ book series, and I'm deeply skeptical that there's enough in this model to sustain 20+ books, but it's reasonable for $4 and a couple of hours, and I might get the one on listening.

[Jung · Rating 5 out of 5]

"Better Small Talk: Master the Art of Deep Conversation" by Patrick King is a practical guide to improving conversational skills and making meaningful connections. The book begins by addressing a common problem: the awkward silences and struggles many people face in social situations. Whether at a networking event, a party, or a professional setting, feeling stuck in small talk can be frustrating. King offers techniques to move past these moments and create engaging conversations that feel natural. Instead of relying on scripted lines, the book emphasizes building confidence, preparing for interactions, and adopting habits that encourage social ease.

Social skills, like muscles, require consistent practice to develop. The key to successful conversations isn’t about being naturally witty but about preparing in advance. Just as warming up before exercise improves performance, getting into a social mindset before engaging with others makes conversations smoother. Many people avoid interactions with strangers, choosing instead to isolate themselves with their phones or headphones. However, research suggests that even brief interactions with strangers can improve mood, increase sociability, and make deeper conversations easier. King introduces the idea of "ten-second relationships"—small, everyday exchanges that help build social confidence. A simple greeting, a compliment, or a quick comment about shared surroundings can serve as a warm-up for larger interactions. By practicing these micro-interactions daily, people can become more comfortable engaging with others in more significant social settings.

Meaningful conversations don’t happen all at once—they develop in stages. Small talk, often dismissed as trivial, is the necessary first step in forming connections. Conversations typically progress through four phases: small talk, fact disclosure, opinion sharing, and emotional openness. The first stage involves breaking the ice with light, neutral topics such as the weather or general observations. The goal is to establish a comfortable atmosphere. Once initial rapport is built, the conversation naturally moves to sharing facts, such as discussing work, hobbies, or current activities. From there, if both parties feel at ease, the discussion shifts to opinion-sharing, where people reveal their viewpoints and explore common interests. Finally, deeper conversations emerge when emotional openness is reached, allowing people to share personal experiences and vulnerabilities. This process happens gradually, with each phase building trust for the next. By understanding this natural progression, people can develop conversations that feel effortless and deepen their relationships.

A powerful way to engage others in conversation is through storytelling. Mini-stories make discussions more engaging and help avoid dull, one-word responses. Instead of answering questions with plain facts, adding a small anecdote creates curiosity and interest. For example, instead of saying, “I’m a marketing executive,” a person could add an intriguing detail like, “I’m a marketing executive—last week, a client threatened to send bodyguards to our office!” This type of response makes people want to know more. The key to effective storytelling is using specific details to create vivid imagery. Instead of saying, “I watched a movie,” a better response might be, “I watched a classic Star Wars marathon—four movies in one day. By the end, I felt like I could pilot an X-wing!” These little details make conversations memorable. Thoughtful storytelling invites emotional engagement and allows others to connect on a deeper level. By practicing mini-stories about work, hobbies, or recent experiences, people can improve their ability to keep conversations lively and interesting.

Another useful conversational technique is free association, which helps maintain the flow of dialogue by linking topics creatively. When conversations stall, free association allows for smooth transitions by connecting unrelated ideas. For instance, if someone mentions motorcycles but the listener has no personal connection to them, their mind can jump to related concepts such as speed, leather jackets, road trips, or action movies. Each of these connections can be used to keep the conversation going. King suggests practicing this skill by writing down random words and brainstorming three related ideas for each. Over time, this trains the brain to think quickly and keep discussions engaging. The ability to shift topics smoothly makes conversations feel natural and prevents awkward pauses.

Asking thoughtful questions is another essential skill for deepening conversations. Good questions encourage people to share more about themselves and move discussions beyond surface-level exchanges. Instead of asking, “Are you happy with your job?” a more engaging question would be, “What led you to choose your career path?” Open-ended questions allow people to reflect and share insights rather than giving simple yes-or-no answers. Another technique is active listening—paying attention to someone’s words and asking follow-up questions based on their responses. If someone shares a personal challenge, a follow-up like, “What strategies have worked for you in the past?” keeps the discussion flowing and shows genuine interest. Silence can also be a valuable tool in conversation. Allowing pauses gives the other person time to think and often leads to more thoughtful responses. The key to meaningful conversations is curiosity, attentiveness, and a willingness to explore deeper topics.

King’s book ultimately emphasizes that small talk is not just about avoiding awkwardness—it is the foundation for deeper relationships, career growth, and personal connections. By regularly practicing brief social interactions, preparing for conversations, telling engaging stories, using free association, and asking thoughtful questions, anyone can improve their communication skills. Conversations become less about struggling to fill silence and more about forming genuine, lasting connections. By applying these techniques, people can transform everyday interactions into opportunities to engage, connect, and leave a positive impression on those around them.

[Melissa · Rating 3 out of 5]

This has a lot of helpful tips that I hadn't heard or thought of before, but I don't like all the assumptions the author makes, such as: "If you were watching a biographical movie, you wouldn't want to watch the mundane parts of the characters' lives where they use the bathroom and brush their teeth" (I love those parts because they romanticize everyday life), and "You prefer someone who actively skydives over someone who watches television all day" (Not true at all), and "No one thinks their own decisions or thoughts are stupid" (it sounds like the author has never heard of insecurities or unwanted thoughts, but that's good for him that he hasn't had to experience that). Also, some of this seemed to be copy/pasted from another book of his.

[Alyssa · Rating 2 out of 5]

I’m a little stumped with this one.
I’m not sure exactly what I expected, but this wasn’t it. I feel like this could be helpful for someone who has literally zero social skills, or for aliens who want to learn more about human interaction. I think there’s some goods tips that might work for very select few…I don’t think that acronyms are going to effectively benefit small talk in the moment for most. I think the motivation is there, and I agree that intellectual curiosity, openness, and knowing one’s own history can be a great foundation for improving small talk.

[Tanja · Rating 1 out of 5]

I don’t know what I was expecting, but I was interested to see whether this book might delve into the psychology/reasons why humans often don’t go beyond “what do you do for work?”.

What I found was unfortunately a guidebook for people who have never held a conversation in their lives, with “advice” such as: “Use humour. For example, when you’re in a library and someone’s pen falls on the floor, pick it up, pretend to scold it and then look sadly at the owner and say “I don’t think it wants to come back to you”.

What?! 🤣😅

Yeah, don’t recommend.

[Sophie · Rating 2 out of 5]

I think the length of time it took me to read this book speaks volumes (Over 2 months). I found this book quite boring and I didn't feel as though any of the advice in it was particularly groundbreaking. I don't think I've learned anything by reading this book.

[Tom Cullen · Rating 3 out of 5]

Has elevated me from “Busy night tonight, drive?”

[Anne Earney · Rating 3 out of 5]

3.5 stars. Lots of good advice in here and some interesting insight into conversations in general, but could have used a good editor, as it meanders at times and probably went on too long overall.

Two things I found especially interesting - conversation with someone naturally pass through four phases: small talk (safe topics like the weather), facts (where you grew up etc), opinions, and finally emotional disclosure. Skipping steps can feel risky. We've all learned to avoid the person who goes straight to emotional disclosure. The other interesting thing I took away from it is that conversation needs to be in motion, whether you ask questions that keep it moving or offer up interesting tidbits from your own experiences. But if it stagnates, it will die.

The book mainly presents conversations as something to nurture and guide. I've noticed that when I use the techniques he advocates, I often end up doing very little of the talking myself, which is sometimes good, but not always. Steering conversation in directions I find interesting is something I probably need to work on. But just being able to keep it moving is a great skill to have.

[Becky L Long · Rating 3 out of 5]

Audiobook. Well i apparently have the conversational filter and skills of an 8 year old. I can talk to random strangers easier than acquaintances because stakes are low. I have employed many of the techniques for "meeting new people" or "talking to strangers" with everyone in my life for 30+ years. I have a hard time with work colleagues because I have historically gotten myself into trouble with lack of filter and tact. Aka conversational skills of an 8yo don't go over well at work. Tbh the techniques suggested here will not help the issues I'm having. Maybe they are good suggesting for some people especially introverts but you'd have to go to a group boot camp and practice these techniques for a year before you'd ever be comfortable in a new situation.

One piece of legit advice to memorize: "what's the most interesting thing you did this weekend (or insert any appropriate day/time/season/year)?" And then actually listen. Now you don't have to bother reading the book unless you have access to said group shall talk therapy.

[Michaelann · Rating 2 out of 5]

It's hard to write a book about this that's actually good. Patrick King did a decent enough job. I picked up some good mental tricks that I might use. A lot of seems to be an attempt to teach someone how to be funny, which is probably not going to go well in a book, and to avoid being ranty or judgey and listen better, which is probably more a male problem than a female one.

[Alex Shaw · Rating 5 out of 5]

Some very useful tips and tricks but mostly just good life advice for becoming an interesting and likable person.