A Very Private School

by Charles Spencer

In this poignant memoir, Charles Spencer recounts the trauma of being sent away from home at age eight to attend boarding school.

A Very Private School offers a clear-eyed, first-hand account of a culture of cruelty at the school Charles Spencer attended in his youth and provides important insights into an antiquated boarding system. Drawing on the memories of many of his schoolboy contemporaries, as well as his own letters and diaries from the time, he reflects on the hopelessness and abandonment he felt at aged eight, viscerally describing the intense pain of homesickness and the appalling inescapability of it all. Exploring the long-lasting impact of his experiences, Spencer presents a candid reckoning with his past and a reclamation of his childhood.

Genres: Nonfiction, Memoir, Biography, Audiobook, Biography Memoir, Autobiography, History

303 pages, Kindle Edition

First published March 12, 2024

Reviews

[Deirdre Clancy · Rating 5 out of 5]

I've long been fascinated by the nature of evil. It seems that evil can be tackled only when humans understand its deceptiveness. One truism is that evil is often to be found hidden beneath convincing veneers of caring authority. It's one of the best covers that exists. And what is more evil than destroying and crushing a vulnerable child?

Charles Spencer (otherwise known as Earl Spencer) offers a searing, uncompromising account of some highly formative years spent at a boarding prep school, Maidwell Hall, in England in the 1970s. The traditional tendency of the upper classes in England to send their children to such boarding schools at ridiculously young ages is well known. Less well known is the fact that these students were often subjected to the same sadistic brutality that seemed to be accepted in many educational institutions up until at least the early 1980s (in Ireland also).

Although I prefer reading paper books, as I find audiobooks fairly hit and miss, I suspected the quality of the narration would be high in this case, as it was the author reading. He has been known for strong, powerful delivery of uncomfortable truths since his eulogy at his sister Princess Diana's funeral many years ago, which somehow managed to be full of righteous anger and dignified at the same time. Similar could be said of this book.

Spencer doesn't shy away from providing disturbing details of the sadism and perversions of some staff at Maidwell, as well as the horrendous life-long emotional impact it had on the students as they went on in life. I've always admired his commitment to staring reality in the face, but this takes things to a whole new level. It starts a conversation that is probably long overdue in England about children's emotional welfare and how boarding schools affect their relationships and ability to be intimate in later life.

The details of this book are disturbing in the extreme, with Spencer himself going into a lot of depth about the assistant matron who predated on himself and other boys in her charge, causing them extreme confusion and essentially stealing an important part of their childhood. Details about the school's headmaster are highly unsettling, and it's clear he was a predator also, who was clever at disguising this fact to parents with jaunty school reports. Parents were regularly deceived into thinking he was a genial man with humorous insights about their children, and that he cared deeply about their welfare. Spencer, on the other hand, describes how men still had visible stripes from vicious canings well into mid-life, not to mention the psychological scars to accompany them.

The book also describes the obligatory violent teacher who hates the boys because of his class hangups about their upper-class backgrounds. It's a stark reminder of the fact that child abuse is no respecter of social rank. Abusers will find their interal excuses one way or another to defend the indefensible.

This is a depressing, sorry tale on one level. However, it also offers a huge spark of hope for the future of education and therefore humanity generally. It's not a book that can be ignored by the establishment, given who wrote it, and what it must have taken emotionally to put the words on paper so powerfully. The interviews with other Maidwell students from that time are equally poignant and often heartbreaking, with some men's lives irretrievably ruined due to their time in the school.

This book is an impressive achievement on the part of Charles Spencer, a person who has had more than his fair share of upheaval and loss. He has gifted the world with difficult truths more than once, and everyone should thank him for this unflinching courage.

[Nina (ninjasbooks) · Rating 5 out of 5]

The horror of this boarding school almost made me retch. Spencer sharing his story is brave and important, since sexual abuse by female perpetrators is still taboo.

[Gareth Russell]

Listened to the audiobook, narrated by the author. Beautifully written but harrowing - it is an extraordinary reflection on a childhood shattered by habitual cruelty.

[Becky C · Rating 4 out of 5]

Fascinating from both a psychological and historical perspective, this in-depth memoir provides a shocking insight into the dark world of English boarding schools and the devastating emotional effects this archaic tradition has had on several generations of students as they grow into adults and beyond.

I personally had a less-than-great experience attending a similar school for 58+ hours a week over a few years and still so grateful I never had to board. I was surprised that many of Spencer's experiences from the 1960s hadn't changed that much compared to mine in the 90s - for the kids' sake, I truly hope things are different now.

I'm now intrigued to find out how similar the experience was for girls at the time, not just boys - a shame his sisters weren't interviewed to compare if their memories were similar. I'd recommend avoiding if easily triggered by reading about abuse and trauma.

[Juliew. · Rating 4 out of 5]

I have to admit I'm a sucker for Mr Spencer's writing.I absolutely adore it.Most of his work is so descriptive giving you the impression that your actually there with the writer and this book was no exception.I had no idea Mr.Spencer experienced such a hideous childhood and by the end of this you really felt for him.The only issue I really had were the sometimes monotonous descriptions of the teachers and head masters.Sometimes I couldn't tell who was who as they all sounded perfectly and permanently messed up in the head.Other than that it was an okay read and I gave an extra star specifically for the writing.

[Rachel Docherty · Rating 5 out of 5]

4.5 ⭐️s rounded ⬆️
This memoir should come with a warning for those who are victims of abuse.

Superbly written and narrated by Charles Spencer, this memoir about his childhood experiences at Maidwell boarding school, are deeply disturbing. As an educator myself, I just can’t believe the depths of depravity, taken on by those entrusted to care for their pupils. It is truly shocking, abhorrent and deeply upsetting. I will be thinking about what I heard long after I’ve finished listening to it.

Charles Spencer is to be congratulated for his bravery in writing about these very tragic childhood experiences. I hope with time he heals from his trauma and can continue to build loving relationships with his family.

[Patricija || book.duo]

Klausydama vis žiūrėjau į viršelį. Į tą mielą mažą vaiką, žiūrintį su nepasitikėjimu, tokį pažeidžiamą ir tokį nepasirengusį gyvenimui. Ir tuo labiau nepasirengusį gyvenimui be tėvų. Niekam, niekam nereikėtų patirti to, apie ką autorius pasakoja – čia apie jokį (ne)patikėjimą net kalba neina – faktas, kad tikiu kiekvienu žodžiu ir kiekvienas eina adatom po nagais, šiurpuliais per nugarą. Kyla milijonai klausimų – kodėl legalu, kodėl niekas nematė, nepastebėjo, kodėl nepapasakojo, kodėl kiti tylėjo, kodėl žinantys nusukdavo žvilgsnį, kodėl tūkstančiai istorijų – nuo Orwello iki Paris Hilton, liudijančių milžinišką siaubą ir kančias, nelemia didesnių pokyčių.

Ir nors kartais beklausydama pasijausdavau tarsi atbukusi, norėdavau išjungti, jaučiausi tarsi skolinga autoriui ir tūkstančiams kitų, kad išgirsčiau. Mažiausiai, ką galiu padaryti. Autorius pasakoja labai kinematografiškai, jautriai, paliesdamas ir tai, kaip patirtas smurtas atsiliepė jo tolesniam gyvenimui. Norėčiau pasakyti, kad yra ir keršto, kad kažkas gauna ko nusipelnęs, kad nors kas nors už viską, ką padarė, atsiima, bet deja. Joks ne spoileris – ar ne dažniausiai smurtautojai ir prievartautojai nelieka nenubausti? Per dažnai. Ir nors čia viena tų knygų, kurią skaitant nepatirsi jokio malonumo, juk ne apie tai. Ir net vertinti ranka nekyla – nei žvaigždutėmis, nei visokiais „įdomu/neįdomu“, bet skirti laiko verta ir reikalinga. Mažiausiai, ką galim padaryti.

[Holly Weston Bull · Rating 4 out of 5]

It goes without saying that people whose level of wealth insulates them from poverty, homelessness, or destitution do not suffer from those conditions. But that doesn’t mean that they don’t suffer.

Charles Spencer has written an accessible, brutal takedown of his experience at Maidwell Hall during his time at the English boys’ boarding school in the 1970s.

It is difficult to understand from my perch here in America in 2025 how so many upper class British parents could have shuttled sons as young as seven off to boarding school, seeing those sons only very rarely for years. But I also realize that culture and society are powerful forces, and what may seem incomprehensible to me now felt de rigueur to those families.

Still … I don’t know how any parent could read this story and not feel pangs of sorrow for these vulnerable young boys.

Without giving too much away, I’ll just say that Charles Spencer writes well and with conviction. He provides good descriptions of his earnestness and bafflement when as, a child, he was sent to Maidwell and left to his own devices in a then-secret (or semi-secret?) culture of physical and emotional abuse. He does an especially nice job of writing about his yearning for his home and each of his (divorced) parents, and his continual efforts as a child to prove his worth to them. The excerpts from his letters home, and his attempts to pretend that Maidwell wasn’t a hellscape, are particularly touching.

After finishing the book, I looked up Maidwell and learned that it has just been closed for good amid a police investigation brought about by Spencer’s book.

More power to him for telling the story.

A solid four stars.

[Kathrin Passig · Rating 4 out of 5]

Ich wollte nur mal kurz aus Neugier reinschauen und habe es dann doch gleich ganz gelesen. Es ist eine merkwürdige Mischung aus sibirischem Straflager (in der Schule) und extremen Superluxusprivilegien (vorher und in den Schulferien; ich habe erst nach der Hälfte begriffen, dass die ältere Schwester Diana, von der gelegentlich die Rede ist, später mal Lady Di wird). Angenehm reflektierter Autor, aber er hat halt auch viel Therapie hinter sich.

[Stephanie Dargusch Borders · Rating 5 out of 5]

Nearly perfect memoir. A million miles better than Spare. This has all the trigger warnings though. Think abuse of all shapes and colors. Probably the most fascinating part to me was when Charles and some peers were abused by a young female teacher—we’re seeing this EVERYWHERE now and Charles really hammers home the effects of this type of abuse.

[Ellie Dawson · Rating 5 out of 5]

I cannot imagine how painful this must have been to write. Beautiful in prose yet brutal in content, I devoured it in 24 hours. Huge thanks must go to CS and friends for revisiting the most harrowing years of their lives in order to shed light on the horror they received at the hands of those supposed to ‘educate the privileged for the sake of the empire’. Come Lord Jesus.

[Andrea Zuvich · Rating 5 out of 5]

Charles Spencer has been one of my favourite historians for several decades. In recent years, I have had the honour of communicating with him about Stuart-era history and he has always been kind, supportive, and helpful. I have always enjoyed Charles Spencer's books, from 'Prince Rupert: The Last Cavalier", Killers of the King, To Catch a King, Blenheim: Battle for Europe, The White Ship, among others. This book, however, is vastly different from those: it is intensely personal, harrowing, poignant, raw, and moving. It must have been extraordinarily difficult to open up so much of himself in this work, and I commend him for his strength of character in doing this. I listened to the audiobook version of this memoir, narrated by the author himself, and throughout the book I kept feeling a ferocious maternal want to protect him and the other boys from the cruel environment in which they found themselves, anger at how such treatment (from the likes of sinister malcontents such as Porch, etc) could have taken place, and great sadness at how much damage, physically and mentally, that particular boarding school inflicted upon so many of them. The boys needed love and nurturing, and received the opposite. I recommend this memoir wholeheartedly.

[Chrissa Kuntz · Rating 4 out of 5]

Written by Diana Spencer's brother, this was a quick read about abuse, privilege, misplaced trust, and a really messed up British tradition. I can't believe aristocrats paid crazy money for the school I read about. If you can't read about terrible abuse, stay away from this book. I kept thinking about Hogwarts while reading (hahahahha) and how much lovelier it was even with the dementors, dark arts profs that wanted to kill you, dangerous quidditch matches, werewolf professors, ghosts, and more. Some of Charles's stories were funny, but most were appalling. However, I'm glad that Charles acknowledged that his experience was just one sad childhood story in a sea of many, some much worse.

[Millie Edgar · Rating 5 out of 5]

Harrowing yet also not ignorant to privilege. The author does a very good job at making you feel like you are at the school with him, and does not feel like your run of the mill “celeb” ghost written memoir

[Andi · Rating 5 out of 5]

A damning exposé of private boarding schools in England in the 1970s, which seems way too late for this kind of experience to be allowed and tolerated.

Boarding schools originally operated in the service of Empire, creating a class of administrators and officers to manage the 13,000,000 square mile domain
The brutality of the conditions created a packaged Britishness, which snuffed out a pining for home necessary when posted to the far reaches of the Empire.
Emotions were cauterized by violence, bullying, fear and abuse.

One story really struck me. A nine-year-old boy with a broken collarbone, teacher callously didn’t send him for treatment, but after days of pain and no improvement, he was sent to a doctor for an x-ray and diagnosed. Sharp contrast with Coach Just who treated Billy “like one of his own” when Billy’s collarbone was broken at school.

“Ragging” was 10 minutes of sanctioned extremely rough play with the whole school between Tea and evening prep. Boys were routinely knocked out there, or bloodied, and also in the classroom by blows from their teachers.
Everyone carried sheath knives and used to throw them in between each other’s feet in sport.

Tremendous psychological damage
Truly appalling

[Emily · Rating 2 out of 5]

This book was very rough! Charles told a harrowing tale about the abuse he experienced in boarding school. His storytelling was not smooth though and he jumped through time periods. A hard read emotionally and writing wise.

[Nancy · Rating 5 out of 5]

Well written but disturbing subject matter.

[Farah Mendlesohn · Rating 5 out of 5]

I've more than once had occasion to say to someone: 'Tell who? No one was listening. Children were never believed over adults. And opposition to corporal punishment was very much the preserve of the bearded and sandalled."

Some of this biography is 'just the 1970s'. It's oddly comforting to know that school dinners were an actual genre and eaten across class lines; that we all used carbolic soap, and pink scratchy blankets were universal. Too many teachers were ex army 'oh they will be able to keep discipline', or women for whom that was the only middle class route. But that's as far as that goes. I got to go home at night.

Spencer's experience and that of his school mates was horrific. You would think that scars on your child's bottom would arouse concern, but upper class parents either didn't look or didn't care. It was character building.

What makes this memoir stand out from many is that Spencer--a very good historian, I've read some of his books--is that he connects the brutalisation of small children to casual brutality that British officers and merchants meted out on Empire subjects (Indian servants apparently had 'weak kidneys' which is why they died when kicked'.- see The Anarchy.) Children were actively taught that this was what the 'superior' did to the 'inferior'/

He notes that some people shrug, and note that these were the children of privilege. That is indeed true, but no child deserves to be treated this way, from the forced separation to the brutality.

I looked up how many preparatory boarding schools there are left in England. It's only about 30. They should be closed. Boarding should be illegal for small children.

[Joanne · Rating 5 out of 5]

Charles might have loathed the sadistic and/or closeted headmasters at his prestigious boarding school (for good reason,) but it’s clear that someone taught him how to write!

This is an exceptionally written and quite surprising product from someone like Spencer, who, as a moneyed earl, has lots & lots of tea to spill and apparently doesn’t care who knows it. He’s naming names here! (Maybe he’s a rebellious bugger like his big sis Princess Di was, come to think of it!)

I actually had lots of sympathy for these privileged young boys sent to boarding school, cut off from their families and ravenous for even simple homespun tales about their teacher’s chubby cat, as they were “delicious snippets of domestic life that briefly transported us far from our regimented existence.”

Recommended, and great job by the author narrating his book on audio.

[Dodi · Rating 4 out of 5]

Charles Spencer, the brother of Diana Princess of Wales, details his heartbreaking childhood in A Very Private School. From the age of eight Spencer boarded at a distant school, dropped off by his father, and not knowing anyone there. He remembers specifics of others' behaviors, locale, classes, etc.. Unsure of the reliability of his memories, Spencer checks in with former classmates to verify his impressions. This memoir gives a snapshot of life in upper-class British society, and also shows Spencer reckoning with his past and experiencing personal growth. This book contains disturbing scenes of physical, sexual, and emotional abuse.

[Jemima Grimwade · Rating 5 out of 5]

A vivid and harrowing historical account about a highly troubling culture within boarding schools, specifically the prevalence of sexual and physical abuse of young boys in the 70s. It’s a very well written memoir which includes valuable historical and cultural context relating to class and empire. It is moving and deeply honest.

[Simone · Rating 4 out of 5]

As someone who has long harbored a fascination with a romantic idea of boarding school, I was of course interested in learning more about Spencer's experience at a boarding school in England. I listened to this on audiobook, narrated by the author and I would overall recommend it. This is a harrowing tale of a societal system of unchecked power and of sadism and abuse, as well as emotional terror, but I think Spencer tells it well. His efforts to collect stories from other boys at the school both older and younger than him, works well here to flesh out his overall recollections. In the end he has no answers for how such a system was allowed to flourish and continue except of course, that it was "the done thing." And that perhaps is the most shocking part.

[Robin Stewart · Rating 5 out of 5]

This was great - really compelling but brutal telling of relentless abuse under the guise of tradition. Was making me think about all those strange posh Tory MPs and the kind of upbringing they must have had to turn out that way

[WM D. · Rating 4 out of 5]

A very private school was a very good book. It told the story of how Charles Spencer’s father sent him to boarding school at the age of eight and the horrors of what he experienced daily.

[Faye · Rating 4 out of 5]

4.5 stars


The word ‘devastating’ is very frequently used to describe books. A Very Private School really, really is that.

While I already knew before heading into this book that it would be dealing with a very sensitive subject that Charles Spencer should be commended for being so vulnerable over, I do have to admit that I didn’t necessarily think it would be particularly well-written. This is, of course, because of my own prejudices: typically, memoirs written by public figures (including Prince Harry’s Spare, despite it being ghostwritten) are a little clumsily conveyed.

On the contrary, not only is A Very Private School close to being the most beautifully, heartrendlingly, and expertly written memoir I have ever read (second only to The Choice by Edith Eger), but it really, really is devastating. Maidwell will now occupy a very dark corner of my mind. Even as I was reading, I found myself marching forth partially numbed, unable to wrap my head around the amount of torment and horror and abuse endured by these children. It’s truly unfathomable. I cannot conceive of a childhood with such constant, visceral, merited stomach-churning fear—with close to zero chance of escape. Spencer explains near the end of the book how his peers would, at the conclusion of their rare breakaways from school in the safety of their own homes, hide, cry, scream, and beg to not be taken back, only for the parents, similarly wet-eyed, to press on with their decision to throw their children back into the perverted, violent arms of their abusers, all in the name of tradition and social decorum.

This school of Spencer’s childhood is truly a hellhole. There, the adults are cold and hating at worst and paedophilic, exceedingly violent, and chillingly emotionally abusive at worst. Here is a school with abusers, enablers, allies, and mutes only at the helm. Children as young as seven are, in their surrogate ‘home’, stripped naked and beaten (from which they retain physical scars decades later, in old age) and fondled for crimes such as talking after lights out, having learning difficulties, or, simply, witnessing their friends’ ‘crimes’. ‘Sickening’ only scratches the surface. To hear about the victims’ lives afterward—rife with relationship problems, abandonment issues, complete mental shutdown, severe PTSD, and more—is just the icing on the cake.

I hope any of these victims who have passed now feel as though they can rest. I hope those who are still alive will find some form of closure through Spencer’s incredibly brave and beautifully elucidated book.

[Gail Amendt · Rating 4 out of 5]

I have long thought that the upper class British custom of sending very young children away to boarding school is utterly barbaric. In this memoir, Charles Spencer (Princess Diana's brother, although he never once mentions that fact in the book or his bio), tells the story of his boarding school days, as he was sent to Maidwell Hall at the age of eight. He tells of his utter dread as the time of his departure approached, as he was in no way ready to leave home. The school his parents chose for him turned out to be psychologically, physically and sexually abusive, as such environments provided the perfect opportunity for deviant staff to prey upon helpless young victims. Spencer is still working on coming to terms with what happened to him there, and I'm sure that writing his story was cathartic. I'm sure that there were and are good schools, but given the fact that "boarding school syndrome", due to the abrupt severing of parental attachment leading to feelings of abandonment, has become a common psychiatric diagnosis, I don't thing that boarding at that age is worth the risk. Spencer does a good job of describing what life at his school was like, and doesn't shy away from sharing the uncomfortable stuff that happened to him and his classmates. He is also honest about the difficulties the psychological damage he suffered has caused in his relationships. I had to take breaks from reading his story as I just felt so sad for the little boy that he was. I think that sending children to boarding school at such young ages is thankfully falling out of favour now. The current royals don't seem to be doing it, at any rate, and I suspect that the experiences of Uncle Charles Spencer may have something to do with that. Kudos to him for sharing his story in the hope that it may prevent others from suffering that same fate.

[Sarah · Rating 5 out of 5]

5 stars. Read my mom’s review, which is great. Hard to believe these terrible things happened to the cute little boy (Diana’s brother no less!!) on the cover. The abuse from the 19 year old female teacher was a twist I did not see coming given all the other abuses from the male teachers

[Readersguide · Rating 3 out of 5]

This was a good book- a careful recounting of one child’s experience, bolstered by the recollections of others who went to the same school. It’s clearly a terrible idea to send children away to boarding school at 8. I wish it had expanded to the experiences of other kids at other schools. I can’t believe this is the only school run by a sadist. Were there any that weren’t? But this was not that book. Still, a good book.

[ari · Rating 3 out of 5]

I picked this up because my father attended a year of boarding school in England in the 70s, & to quote him, it was “a sadistic prison”. This memoir seems to solidify that this was a theme for boarding schools at the time. I would have liked the book to be organized a bit differently as it jumps around a bit, but it’s a tough read regardless due to the topic.

[Kirsty · Rating 5 out of 5]

a memoir so of course 5 stars,,, but acc wtf??? why aren’t boarding schools ILLEGAL