You Are Still a Mother: Hope for Women Grieving a Stillbirth or Miscarriage

by Jackie Gibson

When you lose your baby to stillbirth or miscarriage, it feels like the ground has fallen out from underneath you. Speaking from experience, Jackie Gibson reaches out, offering the only balm that will bring comfort to your pain.Grieving the loss of a child to stillbirth can be a lonely and agonizing experience. Sadly, this overwhelming loss is far more common than one may think, affecting around 1 in 160 births. Gibson honestly acknowledges the sorrow, the loneliness, and fears that come from suffering the loss of a child while pointing to the gospel with gentleness and understanding.You Are Still a Mother weaves Scripture and deep truths about God with Jackie’s personal experience to provide a book that is both honest and full of hope. Acknowledging that all who suffer this loss will never be the same, she reassures readers that God will be present through every moment of every day. Author Jackie Gibson, speaking from experience, shares the common emotions, questions, and feelings that arise when grieving a stillbirth or miscarriage. Reassures women who are grieving this unique loss that the Lord is near and will provide comfort. Reminds readers that God is always good, even in the midst of suffering such an awful loss.

Genres: Christian, Nonfiction

98 pages, Kindle Edition

Published October 9, 2023

Reviews

[Molly Hartmann · Rating 5 out of 5]

So helpful if you’re walking through a loss or walking alongside someone who has experienced a loss. Many times it felt like I was reading my own journal from the last months.

[Sydney Jamison · Rating 5 out of 5]

“Whether your baby died at 4 weeks or 39 weeks in the womb, you grieved the death of a person who was very special to you. Scripture, not science, is ultimately the place where our sorrow over their death is explained. We weep over the death of our little ones because they are valuable as God’s word affirms.”

“God will not forget them. He blessed you with a baby whom he knitted together in your womb. In life, and in death, he views you as your child’s mother. You are still a mother.”

This book brought many tears but so much affirmation and healing. 🤍

[Maggie · Rating 5 out of 5]

I pray that anyone who ever needs this book knows about it. 🥹 It’s so beautiful and filled with so much goodness. I especially loved the poems, verses, quotes and hymns inside. It really put into words the feelings you have that you can’t explain when you lose a baby. I was also thankful for how the author carefully covered many topics that are hard to explain as well. She brings up PTSD and fears (like health anxiety) you face after and things people say that they maybe mean to be helpful but aren’t. She makes a big deal about your baby’s life, no matter how small they were! It brought me great comfort. This book is filled with reminders grieving moms need and probably want to hear. And definitely so for the people who love them and don’t know what they’re doing through and don’t know what to say. I’m thankful for the ways she explained how much life matters. I loved (and needed) her use of Scripture. She used the pain losing her precious baby to bring many people great comfort. This book made me cry and I cried even more when I realized her husband wrote “Be Thou My Vision” which is one of my most treasured possessions! Wow. Thankful for their ministry.

“The death of a baby is a melody, played softly through its mother’s life like an intimate dirge, and you have to have died a little yourself to hear the music.”

[Reese Burt · Rating 5 out of 5]

“But God will not forget them. He blessed you with a baby whom he knitted together in your womb. In life, and in death, He views you as your child’s mother. You are still a mother.”

Many tears, and lots of healing in this tiny little book🤍

[Lia Ross Reads · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is so needed! Jackie shares about the loss of her daughter and provides encouragement to other mothers who have experienced loss through stillbirth or miscarriage. I love how careful she was with her words and open about her grief. The book includes quotes, scriptures and hymns. I think it would be very helpful for women who have gone through loss and also friends, pastors or counselors seeking to empathize with women who have experienced loss.

I always admire when others share these deep parts of their story to encourage and help others. Jackie’s husband is author of the children’s book The Moon is Always Round that shares about their story as well, highly recommend checking that out too

[Frances Eaves · Rating 5 out of 5]

I think I cried in every chapter of this book. This book is a gift to women who’ve had to walk this path but an excellent resource for those who may find themselves ministering to them.

[Dana Schnitzel · Rating 5 out of 5]

These seventy-seven pages carry such heavy weight, but are woven all the way through with unquenchable hope. Jackie shares the visceral grief of losing their beautiful Leila--facing the pain full on--yet in the same breath shares the gospel truths that carried (and still carry) her and her family through grief. I was brought to tears several times, both of sadness on behalf of my friend, but also because of the courageous joy she has in the hope of the resurrection. Though I've never lost a child, this book was a blessing to me as it spoke of God's faithfulness through times of suffering (broadly relateable for any Christian), but also in how it gives insight into the particular grief of child bereavement which has affected many of my friends and family. I can only imagine how much more of a balm it would be for those who can relate more fully to Jackie's experience.

Thank you, Jackie, for writing this book, for sharing the Lord's faithfulness in your darkest days, for telling us all about sweet Leila, and for comforting so many broken hearts. I'll keep praying with you, "Come quickly, Lord Jesus."

[Erin Livs · Rating 5 out of 5]

Thankful for the courage of this friend to write this book.

[Anna Kilpatrick · Rating 5 out of 5]

A very sweet and admirable book of a mother telling the story of her daughter Leila who was stillborn. Though the story she shares is personal, most of what she says is relatable to anyone who has experienced similar loss. I found some of the most helpful parts of the book was in her simple biblical breakdown of why she believes infants who die go to heaven as well as in the quotes, poetry, and lyrics she included that spoke sweet comfort to any grieving parent.

“There is something unique about the death of a child that pulls our heartstrings to another world. A part of us has been transplanted and sent ahead, and we long to go to the heavenly country where they now live.”

[Annie Allred · Rating 5 out of 5]

I was not prepared for how this book split me open and pierced the depth of my soul. I have not personally suffered the loss of a child, but I wanted to read this book to better understand and love those around me who have.
This author so beautifully explains and articulates the way indescribable grief is a free fall into what feels like a bottomless pit. Although I have not experienced the same cause of grief the author has, her descriptions took me back to a time and place where I have experienced for many years the kind of grief she described. Although I will not claim to fully understand, I realize this. But it gave me such an immensely deeper and truer understanding - my eyes were surely opened even just a little bit more. Being able to remember that tender place, to feel how much it still hurts, and then to be reminded of the glory of Christ, His nearness, His closeness and uplifting in those dark hours… “Jesus knows better than anyone what it feels like to suffer, and that is why he is our closest friend in grief”.
I’m so thankful to have read this book and will be revisiting it often. While I still don’t know that I have all the right things to say to those in the midst of such immense grief, this book has brought me low in the best way possible and I hope it will keep my eyes and heart softened and unafraid.

[Alexandra Frederickson · Rating 3 out of 5]

Written somewhat more for those who have experienced stillbirth, but still has some encouraging pieces for those who have miscarried. I appreciated her calling awareness to the anxiety and physical stress that can result after such a loss.

[Shawnee Alex Craft · Rating 5 out of 5]

What a gem. What a comfort.
Losing our baby in the womb was a terribly lonely time for me. I’ve spoken about this heartache with very few. Though it’s been 4 years since our loss, hearing about the story and life of Leila in this little book has helped me understand this grief and the Lord’s goodness and care for us even in our darkness and suffering.

[Jamie · Rating 4 out of 5]

This was very helpful. (Note that one of the arguments for babies going to heaven is coming from a distinctly Presbyterian interpretation of Mt 19 where Jesus welcomes children.) I would remind people handing out a book such as this that not every grieving mom will be ready for the story of this author’s heartache on top of her own. But if she is ready, her story and her solid devotional thoughts can be quite helpful, reminding her she is not alone and of solid truths she so needs to cling to in this dark time.

[Brian Parks · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is a short, excellent book written by a woman who had a stillborn child and how she wrestled with the sovereignty and goodness of God but grew stronger in her love for God in the months and years following. I would recommend this book, not just to mothers who have had a miscarriage or stillbirth, but to anyone wrestling with the goodness of God in a world of suffering and death. Men and women alike will benefit from her story and her conclusions about the Lord. Biblically rooted and full of helpful quotes, lyrics, and poem excerpts that teach deep truths.

[Lindsey Reid · Rating 4 out of 5]

Certainly healing to hear the experience of another mother who has lost their child. If you’re looking for advice on what the Bible says in regards to grief, this book highlights some experiences and verses. However the story is more about the author and her personal experience with exercises from the Bible and commentators woven through.

[Baila Milliken · Rating 5 out of 5]

Heart wrenching, yet so apparently full of the mercies of the Lord even in the midst of the darkest trials. Jackie has a way of putting her grief into words, all the while meditating on the Lord’s goodness even when it doesn’t feel good. This book is going to be such a blessing to us fellow loss moms, and to the church. To know how to come alongside those who are experiencing great loss.

[Courtney · Rating 5 out of 5]

This was a painful and yet so hopeful read about loss, doubt, and grief. I am grateful for the Gibsons to open and share their pain in the loss of their Leila. It was helpful that this wasn't overly saturated with Scripture (in the best of ways) as a way that some use poorly for those suffering and instead offered truth-filled lyrics of solid hymns and poems to cry out and lament with in the midst of suffering. The brevity is appreciated and the message clear: Christ is our hope amidst pain because he too knows loss and pain.

[Rylan · Rating 5 out of 5]

I think it was Douglas Gresham who remarked that it was important that C.S. Lewis's book reflecting on the loss of his mother (Lewis's wife), Joy, was titled A Grief Observed. Not simply Grief Observed. Each person's valley, as Gibson remarks, is just that: each person's valley. Nevertheless books like these are powerful testimonies to the challenge of grief, mystery of suffering and comfort of the Gospel.

Be still, my soul; when dearest friends depart,
and all is darkened in the veil of tears,
then shalt thou better know His love, His heart,
who comes to soothe thy sorrow and thy fears.
Be still, my soul; thy Jesus can repay
from His own fullness all He takes away.

[Paola Abuhl · Rating 5 out of 5]

I loved thee, daughter of my heart;
My child, I loved thee dearly;
And though we only met to part,
How sweetly! How severely!
Nor life nor death can sever
My soul from thine forever.

"A Mother's Lament"
James Montgomery

[Amanda Vonderheid · Rating 5 out of 5]

This was a great book. Like the author, my daughter was also stillborn at 39 weeks. She offered great biblical perspective that I am thankful for. I recommend this to anyone who has lost a baby, whether miscarriage or stillbirth, and recommend it for those who have someone in their life who has as well. It is hard to understand what goes on in the mind and heart of a bereaved parent unless you’ve been through it, and I feel that she articulated it well, and this can be a helpful perspective for both friends and family of and grieving parents.

[Marti Eisentraut · Rating 5 out of 5]

Preface--This is a club that no one wants to be in.

Jackie Gibson speaks to the heart of the grief of losing a baby. She describes the overwhelming sense of loss and emptiness, the tears and loneliness and grief that is unending. Is there any hope from God?

"Every night I cried on and off until morning...I felt like I was plummeting into a bottomless cavern. In the mist of this dark despair, a friend sent me Deuteronomy 33:27 "The eternal God is your dwelling place, and underneath are the everlasting arms." For just a moment stillness replaced the feeling of free fall. God's Word assured me that I wasn't in fact falling deeper and deeper into a bottomless pit. I was being held by the everlasting arms of myheavenly Father."

She asks the question Am I going to keep believing what I know about God despite my circumstanes tempting me to feel otherwise? Her answer...a lesson from missionary Lilias Trotter..Believe in the darkness what you have seen in the light.

Gibson talks about wondering "what if" what could we have done differently to prevent the death of our baby. This can be an agonizing, guilt-inducing exercise for a grieving parent. Psalm 139 tells us "in your book were written every one of them the days of my life when as yet there were none of them." She said, nothing I could have done would have altered the eternal plans of God and that gave her peace and comfort.

She speaks of questioning the character of God, why would he let this happen to her baby. God brought verses from Job 38 to remind her that her understanding of the world was limited as was her understanding of why her baby died. God's ways are higher than ours, different from ours, wiser than ours. "Like Job, I must be willing to not understand and leave it in the hands of a God who does."

She speaks of the way grief changes as years pass, the ability to comfort others as she had been comforted, the way she came to know Jesus as the Man of Sorrows acquainted with grief as He walked with her through her own grief. Her grief of course never went away although its expression changed.

She spoke of the hope in Revelation 21:3-4 "God Himself will be with them. He will wipe away every tear from their eyes, and death will not exist any more --or mourning, or crying, or pain, for the former things have ceased to exist." I have read that verse many times and it was always theoretical. Now it is such a strong word of hope that my heart cries out Come Lord Jesus!!!

[Madison Hinton · Rating 5 out of 5]

This short 70 something page book was beautiful and heart-wrenching. I am so thankful for Jackie’s vulnerability to put into words her experience with having a stillbirth of her daughter. For those who have not experienced stillbirth or a miscarriage, I think this can be a helpful resource in learning how to be empathetic to the women in our lives who are grieving deeply over the loss of their baby. For those who have experiences this deep loss, I think this book could be healing and could really help her to feel seen. However, I could definitely see where this is something that would need to be read when that person is ready to do so. It’s very heartbreaking.

Two small notes:
1. This book doesn’t really speak a whole lot directly about the experience of miscarriages since that is not the author’s story. She does still try to acknowledge loss at that level though. I think I just wanted a little more of that since it’s in the title of the book.
2. In the chapter, Safe In His Arms, she talks about eternity for babies who die in the womb. Her beliefs seems to align with Presbyterians relating to covenant and the parents salvation. I appreciated reading her thoughts and beliefs in this chapter.

“I don't get to watch Leila play sports, braid her hair, or take her out for mommy-daughter dates. How I wish I could do all those things! But I won't forget her, and I won't stop talking about her. The world may forget you are a mother to your child. Even those close to you may forget-unintentionally, they may not mention your baby's name or include him or her in a birth order. But God will not forget them. He blessed you with a baby whom he knitted together in your womb. In life, and in death, he views you as your child's mother. You are still a mother.”

[Mary Dorsch · Rating 5 out of 5]

I benefitted very much from reading this book, having suffered a miscarriage a month ago. It was a wonderful reminder that Jesus fully understands my suffering because he was the ultimate sufferer. God does not waste one bit of our suffering, he makes precious gems out of our trials and conforms us to Christ. I appreciated this book was under 100 pages and I could easily read a chapter when I needed encouragement. The author shares her tragic story of the stillbirth of her daughter. It was eye opening to think about how each experience of loss is unique and comes with its own different pains. This book also helped convince me that as a believer, I can trust that my baby is in heaven with His maker. Loved it!

[Sarah Strawbridge · Rating 5 out of 5]

Fantastic book on the grief of child loss and on the joy of looking to Christ in the midst of grief. Even if you aren't a mother suffering this particular loss, it is an excellent resource to learn how to (or how not to) love, weep with, and encourage those experiencing this particular type of loss.

[Becky Philo · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is a beautiful little book filled with comfort and truth for anyone who has lost a child due to stillbirth or miscarriage. For those in caregiving roles or for friends and family who walk alongside others in their grief, it offers a meaningful perspective that can inform how you support others in their loss.

[Krista Burkett · Rating 5 out of 5]

Jackie Gibson gently walks through her experience of loss and comforts any mother that has lost a little one. Whether 9 weeks or 39 weeks, she values the life of the sweet babies with Jesus and goes through her grieving.

[Thomas Creedy · Rating 5 out of 5]

A stunning little book. Highly recommended and whilst aimed at mothers is certainly readable and profitable for fathers.

[Meaghan Recollet · Rating 5 out of 5]

Would recommend this to anyone who has lost a baby. So hope-filled, loved the poetry and hymns.

[Aimee Grasso · Rating 5 out of 5]

“A live birth or a surviving child is not what makes you a mother. Since your child's life began at conception, so too did your motherhood. The death of your child does not undo that reality.”

[Joanne · Rating 5 out of 5]

Such a well written book, giving a window into the heart of a mom who has experienced the loss of a baby. Helpful for all of us to read as we seek to grow in bearing one another’s burdens.