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Finding Sunlight: A Coming-of-Age Memoir about Love within the Wreckage of Purity Culture
In this inspirational coming-of-age memoir, Chrissy Holm separates purity culture, LGBTQ religious trauma, and a patriarchal father-daughter relationship from all the possibilities of meaningful love.
The church has a lot of views on women’s relationships. Respect the sanctity of marriage. Save yourself for your husband. Never, ever think about a wife. Homeschooled at church and raised by a devout father, Chrissy internalized scripture’s strictest messages. She suppressed her bisexuality and followed all the teachings of purity culture. When she turned sixteen, her parent’s divorce flipped the script. Devastated and unsure of her values, Chrissy jumped from one relationship to another, searching for commitment and solace from a depression that crept more to the forefront every day. More a triumphant love memoir than a religious trauma book, Chrissy Holm thoughtfully unpacks her sexuality, faith, and mental health with achingly relatable vulnerability and insight. Readers who grew up in evangelical or fundamentalist religious communities will find themselves in these stories as Chrissy seeks meaning in her religious upbringing—finding forgiveness for her dad, her past relationships, and ultimately, herself. Raw and hopeful, this liberating memoir is an intimate look at how one woman found the courage to question what she was taught to believe to uncover her own truth and navigate love with pride. “We don’t have a map or directions for relationships, love, religion, or God. We get lost. We stumble . . . and we pray that we will find the sunlight.”
The church has a lot of views on women’s relationships. Respect the sanctity of marriage. Save yourself for your husband. Never, ever think about a wife. Homeschooled at church and raised by a devout father, Chrissy internalized scripture’s strictest messages. She suppressed her bisexuality and followed all the teachings of purity culture. When she turned sixteen, her parent’s divorce flipped the script. Devastated and unsure of her values, Chrissy jumped from one relationship to another, searching for commitment and solace from a depression that crept more to the forefront every day. More a triumphant love memoir than a religious trauma book, Chrissy Holm thoughtfully unpacks her sexuality, faith, and mental health with achingly relatable vulnerability and insight. Readers who grew up in evangelical or fundamentalist religious communities will find themselves in these stories as Chrissy seeks meaning in her religious upbringing—finding forgiveness for her dad, her past relationships, and ultimately, herself. Raw and hopeful, this liberating memoir is an intimate look at how one woman found the courage to question what she was taught to believe to uncover her own truth and navigate love with pride. “We don’t have a map or directions for relationships, love, religion, or God. We get lost. We stumble . . . and we pray that we will find the sunlight.”
- GenresMemoirQueerNonfiction
272 pages, Paperback
Published November 14, 2023
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Displaying 1 - 6 of 6 reviews
January 21, 2024
Full review at: https://readingourshelves.wordpress.c...
his memoir focuses a lot of its energy on the “coming of age” phase. While that’s not necessarily a bad thing, I did have to remind myself that this was actually on the cover… some of the teen indecisiveness and angst seems harder to identify with the further I get from that age range myself.
Chrissy grew up with two parents and three older siblings. The family was very entrenched in their church, with her dad being a deacon. For a few years, all four kids even attended school in the church’s homeschool program. So she was introduced at a young age to the ideas that she needed to save herself for marriage, and that homosexuality was bad.
But then, when Chrissy was in high school and her siblings were all already out of the house, her parents got divorced. This threw her whole worldview into a tailspin… although, in reality, she had already started to question some parts of the church’s teachings, anyway.
Chrissy spends the rest of high school and the first years of her college experience trying to find “solid ground” in various romantic partners. Because she no longer has that at home, she seeks it in men. Other kids around her later describe her as having “daddy issues.” While she certainly is mad at her dad, I feel like she is just mad at life in general – and how fair it has been to her, her mom, her siblings, etc. – and is looking for a rescue. Maybe her upbringing taught her that she needed rescuing from a man?
Eventually she does find a partner who she goes on to marry. Four whole years after they’re married, she tells him that she’s bisexual. She is relieved that he accepts her for who she is.
Now, this story has a happy ending… but most of it is her muddling through those rough teen years. She mentions a few early experiences – like kissing another girl while playing truth or dare – but doesn’t go into detail on what eventually leads her to “come out” as bisexual. I assume there’s more to the story there, but again, this memoir isn’t really focused on that. I found myself kind of wishing she had come to accept herself first, and then found a man she could be honest with … but hey, this is non-fiction, and I guess that’s just not the way it happened!
So, this was a mixed bag for me. As I said at the top, I’m looking at it from a “grown-up” perspective, and I wanted to reach back and tell this troubled teen that she needed to find solid ground outside of a man! Perspective, amiright?
But I can also see how a younger person, who is just living this part of their life now, would love to see such troubles represented in a book… and especially love to see that someone else came through it, found love, found a career as a writer, etc. For their sakes, I hope they find this book.
his memoir focuses a lot of its energy on the “coming of age” phase. While that’s not necessarily a bad thing, I did have to remind myself that this was actually on the cover… some of the teen indecisiveness and angst seems harder to identify with the further I get from that age range myself.
Chrissy grew up with two parents and three older siblings. The family was very entrenched in their church, with her dad being a deacon. For a few years, all four kids even attended school in the church’s homeschool program. So she was introduced at a young age to the ideas that she needed to save herself for marriage, and that homosexuality was bad.
But then, when Chrissy was in high school and her siblings were all already out of the house, her parents got divorced. This threw her whole worldview into a tailspin… although, in reality, she had already started to question some parts of the church’s teachings, anyway.
Chrissy spends the rest of high school and the first years of her college experience trying to find “solid ground” in various romantic partners. Because she no longer has that at home, she seeks it in men. Other kids around her later describe her as having “daddy issues.” While she certainly is mad at her dad, I feel like she is just mad at life in general – and how fair it has been to her, her mom, her siblings, etc. – and is looking for a rescue. Maybe her upbringing taught her that she needed rescuing from a man?
Eventually she does find a partner who she goes on to marry. Four whole years after they’re married, she tells him that she’s bisexual. She is relieved that he accepts her for who she is.
Now, this story has a happy ending… but most of it is her muddling through those rough teen years. She mentions a few early experiences – like kissing another girl while playing truth or dare – but doesn’t go into detail on what eventually leads her to “come out” as bisexual. I assume there’s more to the story there, but again, this memoir isn’t really focused on that. I found myself kind of wishing she had come to accept herself first, and then found a man she could be honest with … but hey, this is non-fiction, and I guess that’s just not the way it happened!
So, this was a mixed bag for me. As I said at the top, I’m looking at it from a “grown-up” perspective, and I wanted to reach back and tell this troubled teen that she needed to find solid ground outside of a man! Perspective, amiright?
But I can also see how a younger person, who is just living this part of their life now, would love to see such troubles represented in a book… and especially love to see that someone else came through it, found love, found a career as a writer, etc. For their sakes, I hope they find this book.
November 13, 2023
Ahh okay! This was just excellent!! I, too, grew up in a very religious household and have a lot of trauma from that as an adult and have had trouble forming attachments and ~overcoming my childhood. So this story hit home in so many ways! (And at some points was just a little hard for me to read because of my own religious trauma but that's okay!)
I love how candid the author was with their story and shared so many intimate details. This must've been a tough story to write but I'm so glad they chose to share their experiences with us! We need more stories like this in the world. I felt so seen reading this and really commend the author for choosing their own path.
This is a well written, wonderfully poetic book which I really enjoyed! It's a super quick read but a really enjoyable one! I'm so glad I picked it up!! If you're looking for a truly excellent memoir, please pick this up!
Thank you to Books Forward and Wise Ink Creative Publishing for allowing me to read this in exchange for an honest review!
I love how candid the author was with their story and shared so many intimate details. This must've been a tough story to write but I'm so glad they chose to share their experiences with us! We need more stories like this in the world. I felt so seen reading this and really commend the author for choosing their own path.
This is a well written, wonderfully poetic book which I really enjoyed! It's a super quick read but a really enjoyable one! I'm so glad I picked it up!! If you're looking for a truly excellent memoir, please pick this up!
Thank you to Books Forward and Wise Ink Creative Publishing for allowing me to read this in exchange for an honest review!
November 16, 2023
Brave & inspiring journey towards love and forgiveness
Chrissy Holm’s brave, vulnerable coming-of-age memoir illustrates the cruel and painful effects of strict Christian teaching, male supremacy, and divorce on girls and women, and the long tenacious journey it takes to break free of pain and shame, find love and choose forgiveness. Holm validates girls and young women who long for what we all should have—the love and presence of our fathers, the support of our mothers, a loving family around us, a celebration for who we are, and the acceptance of our sexual selves, including her own bisexuality. Inspiring and hopeful for all those who suffer under Christian teachings or male power in families and think they are the only ones whose self-acceptance or family fell apart as a result, Holm earned her happy ending.
Chrissy Holm’s brave, vulnerable coming-of-age memoir illustrates the cruel and painful effects of strict Christian teaching, male supremacy, and divorce on girls and women, and the long tenacious journey it takes to break free of pain and shame, find love and choose forgiveness. Holm validates girls and young women who long for what we all should have—the love and presence of our fathers, the support of our mothers, a loving family around us, a celebration for who we are, and the acceptance of our sexual selves, including her own bisexuality. Inspiring and hopeful for all those who suffer under Christian teachings or male power in families and think they are the only ones whose self-acceptance or family fell apart as a result, Holm earned her happy ending.
October 21, 2023
Chrissy was so vulnerable and real when sharing her story. Their courage to share it all will 100% encourage others to unpack their own relationships, actions, and events in their lives and what impact they’ve had on them.
They also wrote it in such a way that makes it hard to put down and you cheer them on the whole way.
Well done, Chrissy!!
They also wrote it in such a way that makes it hard to put down and you cheer them on the whole way.
Well done, Chrissy!!
October 30, 2023
Chrissy shares insights into her journey of self discovery and finding what is true for her in this very honest and raw memoir. She opens up and is vulnerable as she shares what it is like to find freedom in truly being herself. Beautifully written! I had trouble putting it down.
November 26, 2023
If you navigated the waters of church trauma and purity culture, you will resonate with this book.
Chrissy has done a brave thing and she should be proud of her memior.
Chrissy has done a brave thing and she should be proud of her memior.
Displaying 1 - 6 of 6 reviews