Nearly Departed: Adventures in Loss, Cancer, and Other Inconveniences

by Gila Pfeffer

How far would you go to save your own life? In this funny and heartfelt memoir, Gila Pfeffer recounts losing both parents to cancer and the choices she made to avoid the same early demise.

By the time she was thirty, Gila Pfeffer was the oldest living member of her family, having lost both parents to cancer. She underwent genetic testing and, after learning that she carried the BRCA1 gene, decided to have a double mastectomy. That choice saved her life.

This memoir follows her journey to break the cycle of death in her family. After becoming a reluctant expert on how to sit shiva, she grows up, falls in love, and becomes a mother, before her life is derailed yet again.

Her double mastectomy reveals cancer already growing in one breast. After enduring eight rounds of chemo and the removal of her ovaries, she takes her last-ever dip in the mikvah waters as a bald, menopausal, thirty-five-year-old mother of four.

Drenched in Gila’s dark humor, honed over years of repeatedly surviving the worst, Nearly Departed is a story about thriving against the odds, leaning in to her Jewish faith, and leaving a better legacy for her children than the one she inherited.

Genres: Memoir, Nonfiction, Biography Memoir, Audiobook, Jewish, Medical

272 pages, Hardcover

First published July 9, 2024

Reviews

[Phebe · Rating 5 out of 5]

I finished reading this book as I’m recovering from my own preventative mastectomy, with 2 little kids at home. Unfortunately I went through all the cancer diagnosis and treatment parts first, not realizing I carried the BRCA1 gene and being diagnosed with breast cancer at age 35. I could really relate to the author’s journey and this was the perfect thing to read leading up to my surgery.

Gila’s story is incredible, especially how she saved her own life by having a prophylactic double mastectomy. If I had known I carried the BRCA1 gene and had heard her story earlier, I might have followed suit. Cheers to beating cancer and staying in remission, for both of us.

In reading this I also realized how little I knew about the richness of Jewish customs and rituals, and really enjoyed learning about that too. Thanks to Net Galley for my advanced reading copy.

[Nursebookie · Rating 5 out of 5]

☕️ NONFICTION NOVEMBER ☕️

A sharp, funny, and heartfelt memoir of losing both parents to cancer and the daring choices Gila Pfeffer made to avoid the same early demise

TITLE: NEARLY DEPARTED: Adventures in Loss, Cancer, and Other Inconveniences
AUTHOR: Gila Pfeffer
PUB DATE: 07.09.2024

⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

I laughed
I cried
Then I laughed and cried some more

These are the kinds of stories that need to be told. Pfeffer is a gifted story teller and one whose life almost did not get told. Against all odds, and with the strength to fight what has caused her parents’ demise, she won the battle.

Relatable and inspirational, I loved this one.

[Shannon (The Book Club Mom) · Rating 4 out of 5]

You all know how much I love memoirs, and boy, do I ever have a solid recommendation for you today. I must say that NEARLY DEPARTED by Gila Pfeffer is one of the most powerful and inspiring stories that I’ve read in a long time. First and foremost, I want to you to know that this book is about cancer. (Just in case you skimmed over the subtitle.) If cancer is a triggering subject for you, then it’s probably in your best interest to skip this one.

Pfeffer lost both of her parents to cancer at very young ages. In NEARLY DEPARTED, she shares her courageous journey on how she took preventative steps to avoid the same outcome. Please know that this memoir isn’t all doom and gloom. Pfeffer uses wit, humor, and candor throughout with great insight on motherhood, marriage, and friendship during this trying time. Also, her support system was spectacular. A few of the friends and family members she mentions in the book had her back in the most inspiring ways. Their acts of kindness almost brought me to tears!

I also appreciated how much I learned about the Jewish faith, and the particular customs and traditions practiced during sickness and after the death of a loved one. You can tell that Pfeffer’s faith is very important to her, and helped profoundly during her experience.

If you’re looking for a deeply personal story about determination, bravery, hope, and strength, then NEARLY DEPARTED is just the memoir for you. Pfeffer’s story is definitely a memorable one. Highly recommend!

[Cheryl · Rating 4 out of 5]

A woman gets and survives breast cancer after watching her mother die from it.

[Elaine · Rating 5 out of 5]

This was a powerful true story, told in the first person, regarding Gila Pfeffer's journey with breast cancer. From her mother to herself to other family members, she had to overcome her own and beliefs to 'save her own life'. Clearly she survives, as she has written this book, but what a tortuous path she had to follow. The writing is clear and often light hearted, which can't have been easy given the serious nature of her illness, but the story often led to tears - hers and my own. Clear throughout is her strong faith and family connections and I'm convinced she couldn't have done it without that community. I understood very well most of her references to Judaism, but other readers might struggle with her constant references to rituals. Perhaps an appendix on the various beliefs and rituals would help others navigate this story. On the whole, however, I think a casual reader could find their way through her struggles successfully.

This ARC was provided by the publishe and NetGalley, the opinions expressed herein are strictly my own.

[Meghan · Rating 5 out of 5]

As someone who also lost both of my parents way too early in life and then also went through a (fortunately, non-cancerous) surgery shortly thereafter, Gila’s story resonated deeply with me. I appreciate her sense of humor, and her willingness to talk about loss, grief and navigating faith & faith traditions amidst it all. The book is a good reminder that sometimes our greatest tragedies and struggles in this life reveal our very purpose.

My thanks to Netgalley, Gila Pfeffer & The Experiment for the digital ARC.

[Cindy H. · Rating 5 out of 5]

I was lucky to be given an early reader’s copy of Gila Pfeffer’s hilarious and heartfelt memoir, Nearly Departed. Using her humor as armor, Gila shares her journey from grieving daughter to warrior mom as she tackles love, loss, pregnancy, cancer, family and future. This memoir is both informative and inspiring. Preorder your copy today and FEEL IT ON THE FIRST ( if you know, you know)!!!

[Eleonora Teplinsky · Rating 5 out of 5]

I cannot say enough about this memoir. A must read about family, parenting, love, loss and perseverance through a preventive cancer surgery and a subsequent cancer diagnosis and treatment. The writing is raw, vulnerable, funny and just incredible.

[Laura Donovan · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is such a powerful book about running away from genetics and experiencing the inevitable no matter how much you try to avoid the fate of your parents. Gila’s book manages to be funny and relatable even in describing some of the worst tragedies to befall a person. She lost both her parents to cancer and did everything in her power to avoid getting cancer herself, and yet, it still came for her. I lost my dad to cancer right before going off to college, so I absolutely related to Gila, whose mom died when Gila was only 20. This woman has endured and survived so much. Four kids, life-saving surgery, chemo, the loss of both parents, helping raise her younger sister after the death of her parents. As funny as this book is, it’s also informative. Any of us can get cancer.

[Janet · Rating 4 out of 5]

Earlier this year I learned that I’m a carrier of the BRCA2 mutation. I was advised to consider a preventive double mastectomy due to my high risk of getting breast cancer. At first I was hesitant to consider surgery but a few months later lost my dad to breast cancer. So now I’ve been doing research and reading lots of cancer memoirs.

Gila’s story was inspiring and helped me overcome some of my fears about surgery. I hope other readers will consider genetic testing and take action to prevent cancer in their lives.

[Danielle · Rating 5 out of 5]

Thank you, Net Galley, for the opportunity to review this book for a review. Being a motherless daughter since I was ten years old motivated me to want to dive into this memoir. It is not a club we ask to join. I fully expected there would be tears as the author shared the dark and dirty of grief. What surprised me was how she shared it with such raw honesty and humour. Thank you for sharing your story and making this reader feel less lonely. I highly recommend this book to anyone who has lost or has been a caregiver in some capacity. You might catch yourself laughing while crying too.

[Alice Phillips · Rating 5 out of 5]

Customer Satisfaction Survey: 5/5

I’m a very slow reader and I read this book in a day. I didn’t want to put it down. Gila and the portrait she paints of her family are rich in love and nuance. Her writing is outstanding—poignant, witty prose. You will laugh and smile in spite of the sad moments she describes. A gripping read; a harrowing tale of genetic inheritance, disease, and inherited trauma from said disease; and a beautiful story of a large, wonderful family. Thank you, Ms. Pfeffer, for sharing your story. As a fellow member of the Dead Parents Society (lost dad to AIDS at 14), I especially recommend this book to folks who’ve gone through the complicated experience of losing a 40-something Boomer/Silent Gen parent as an adolescent. I saw a lot of my own experience, too, including several parts I haven’t revisited, and it made me feel less alone on the revisit. Thank you.

[Unskilled Laughter · Rating 4 out of 5]

Gila Pfeffer tells her story—of loss, grief, family/motherhood, and cancer—with so much courage and humor. I would recommend this memoir to anyone, but especially to people at higher risk of breast cancer or with a family history of cancer.

Gila’s approach to prevention, self-advocacy, and personal boundaries was inspiring. She knew what she needed, chose her support system accordingly, and opted to protect her children from knowledge of her illness until they were older. She took charge of her health and wellness and controlled what she could, and she ended up saving her own life. I’m grateful that she decided to share her story.

Thank you, The Experiment, for providing this book for review consideration via NetGalley. All opinions are my own.

[Cara · Rating 3 out of 5]

A bit dry, audio is author and leaves much to be desired IMHO, memoir overall is a trauma dump of bad family history related to cancer. I did find the Jewish rituals and traditions very beautiful and applicable for grief

[Jennifer ~ TarHeelReader · Rating 5 out of 5]

What a clever title for Gila Pfeffer’s story. I wanted to time reading this one just right, as cancer hits very close to home in several ways for me. I read some of the early reviews and realized I needed to read this one, and the timing would probably never be perfect. Well, guess what? In retrospect, I think the timing was perfect. 😅

About the book: “How far would you go to save your own life? In this funny and heartfelt memoir, Gila Pfeffer recounts losing both parents to cancer and the choices she made to avoid the same early demise.”

The opening of the synopsis is: “By the time she was thirty, Gila Pfeffer was the oldest living member of her family, having lost both parents to cancer.” When Gila finds out she carries the BRCA1 gene, she makes immediate plans for preserving health, including a double mastectomy. That action saves her life, but not in the way you would expect because the pathology shows cancer present.

Gila shares her unexpected, but somehow somewhat? expected battle with cancer. It’s a slim story at well under 300 pages and filled with dark humor. The entire time, I felt like Gila was my friend catching me up on her life. It’s casual and approachable but also informative.

That’s why I feel the timing of my reading was exceptionally good because someone close to me was recently diagnosed with breast cancer, and I’m inspired by the way she is approaching her diagnosis, learning all she can to inform herself, with a boundary to also not overwhelm herself. I’m also trying to learn without burdening her with educating me.

I think most of us know someone who has or has had breast cancer. Gila’s story is one I will always remember for its candor and how she has turned immense tragedy on its head to truly take control of her life and empower herself. As Gila would say, “Remember to feel it on the first” and schedule your mammogram.

I received a gifted copy.

Many of my reviews can also be also be found on my blog: www.jennifertarheelreader.com and instagram: www.instagram.com/tarheelreader

[Charlotte Fawdington · Rating 4 out of 5]

Thank you to Netgalley, the publisher and the author for sending this to me in exchange for an honest review.

This was an exceptionally emotional and interesting read. It tells the story of a woman who has spent her entire life preparing for breast cancer. Her mother died from it and she traces it back generations.

The writing is emotional but it is also funny in a way that only a woman writing about being sick can be. I loved seeing her thoughts and feelings reflected, how she went from being too young to lose her mum, to being a second mother to her siblings, to being a mother of her own with the fear of cancer hanging over her head. She delves into the treatment options her mother tried, how her community reacted (she is Jewish) and the memories she both treasures and regrets. I shouldn't have read this in public, it spoke on grief, death and life and the sheer mortality of human beings. The author spoke about how bad the treatment options were when her mother died, and how pride kept her mother from the one operation that could have saved her life. She mourns her mother, blames her and blames herself. Emotion and nostalgia was woven into this book. It was very lyrically written for the subject matter, the sentences flowing into each other, the prose more like longform poetry. I hugely enjoyed the style and love to see it in memoirs.

4 stars.

[Gila · Rating 5 out of 5]

I first came across Gila Pfeffer’s writing in an online Facebook group, and her style immediately hooked me. It didn’t hurt that we share the same unique first name, but beyond that, her voice stood out—sharp, witty, and deeply personal. When I googled her and discovered she had written this book, Nearly Departed, I knew I had to read it.

This memoir is a raw and darkly humorous account of Pfeffer’s decision to break the generational cycle of breast cancer that took her mother and other family members far too soon. As an Orthodox Jewish woman orphaned in her 30s, she faces the looming shadow of her own genetic predisposition with remarkable courage. Instead of resigning herself to fate, she takes control, making bold medical choices that ensure she is not the next in line.

What makes Nearly Departed so compelling is the balance Pfeffer strikes between humor and heartbreak. Cancer is an incredibly heavy topic, yet she approaches it with a biting wit that makes you laugh even as you ache for her loss. Her resilience is nothing short of inspiring, and she offers a perspective that is both deeply personal and universally relatable.

For anyone who has faced illness—either personally or through loved ones—this book is a must-read. It is about survival, strength, and the power of taking charge of one’s destiny to save yourself.

[Amelia Murray · Rating 5 out of 5]

I LOVED THIS BOOK. I listened to the audiobook and getting to hear Gila tell her own story made it even more special (she narrates the audiobook). She did an excellent job of maintaining a solid narrative and storyline throughout - something that can be very challenging to do in a memoir. As promised, there was humor and sadness, but there was also a window into Gila's world that painted a vivid image of life in her tight knit Jewish community. And when I say "community" I mean it. I was so touched by the kindness and generosity of her friends and family that Gila highlights in this book. I was so curious (and slightly shocked) about Gila's decision not to tell her children about her cancer but after reading the book, I completely understood why. It was an act of compassion and motherly love that stemmed from her own experience seeing her mother endure cancer. I think she was brilliant and strong for being able to not cave and tell her kids until she truly felt ready. It is such a gift that she gave them a childhood free of the fear that comes from watching your parent endure terrible sickness. Overall, I really really really enjoyed this and I think anyone who likes a good story that enjoys being immersed into a totally different world will enjoy this book.

[Nicole Roccas · Rating 5 out of 5]

Set against the backdrop of a tightly knit Orthodox Jewish community, this is a moving portrait of complex grief as the author grapples with losing her mother to breast cancer at an early age, an experience that in turn helps her take radical action to protect her own health and save her children from the same experience.

What I found most meaningul about this book:
The Orthodox Jewish rituals and rhythms of grief that marked out the author's journey through complex grief and health anxiety were rich, beautiful, and incredibly moving. It reminded me a lot of the cultural rituals that surrounded grief in in my ex-husband's Greek family, and it made me re-connect with some of those memories in a fresh way that also brought up some of my own grief. Seeing some of the Orthodox Jewish antecedents and meanings behind similar rituals that occur in an Eastern Orthodox Christian context was a delightful suprise (for example, Greeks and many other Orthodox cultures tend to have a moratorium on listening to music and other light-hearted activities in the first days following a close family death), but it was also just as moving to get a glimpse of a very unique culture's approach to grief on its own terms.

[Jocelyn Jane Cox · Rating 5 out of 5]

In her memoir, Nearly Departed: Adventures in Loss, Cancer, and other Inconveniences, Gila Pfeiffer grieves her mother’s death by breast cancer and soon discovers that she is a carrier of the BRCA1 gene. While trying to avoid cancer herself, Pfeffer gets thrown some curve balls (understatement), makes brave decisions, and somehow manages to get through it all with four kids underfoot. Her story is a testament to the power of friendship, community, and family. It’s also a clarion call for all of us to monitor our own breast health and to be as proactive as possible. 



As a woman, I admire the strength and vulnerability Pfeffer displays in these pages. As a reader, I admire how she has managed to create an uplifting book despite the themes of loss and illness. Her voice is both humorous and full of life as she toggles between gratitude and understandable anger. 


In the chapter “Getting all Chemotional,” she writes, “It’s amazing what you can get used to when you have no choice.” Pfeffer has gone through hell and has come out the other side with some valuable lessons. Thank heaven she has shared them with us - we would be wise to take note.

[Alexandrea · Rating 4 out of 5]

I received this book through Goodreads giveaways.

I thoroughly enjoyed this book. I thought even though the topic is hard and sad, Gila wrote in a way that was lighthearted, not quite upbeat but still oddly positive. It was written with a good flow, not bogged down by medical jargon. She was able to add humor and real life moments to make you understand that she was a real person navigating through a difficult prognosis.

Having lost both my parents to cancer I was drawn to this book because my fear was her reality. She was able to take the pain of losing her parents and turn it into a mission to not let her children have the same outcome. She showed her vanity, fears, decisions, happiness, sadness, strength in a way that make me believe there is a way through a cancer diagnosis.

I enjoyed learn the Jewish faith more. There was things I knew but there was a lot I did not.

I recommend this book

[Heather Dashnau · Rating 2 out of 5]

I read Nearly Departed: Adventures in Loss, Cancer, and Other Inconveniences in its entirety and came away with mixed feelings. The title suggests a deeper dive into her personal story with cancer, but the first three quarters of the book feel more like journal entries documenting her Jewish traditions and Jewish rites performed. When cancer finally does come into focus, the narrative circles back—repeatedly and excessively —to her hair and fear of being bald, which begins to feel more like an obsession than a reflection. I feel conflicted writing a negative review because no one deserves to have their suffering dismissed and it’s clear she had faced real tragedies. But I also found her writing grating at times—marked by vanity, a sense of self-importance, and a kind of low-key bragging that made it hard for me to connect with her story. She tries to be funny, but the humor didn’t land for me. In the end, while I recognize her resilience, I struggled to enjoy the book.

[Jane Hodges · Rating 3 out of 5]

I wanted to like this book more than I did. The writer has a legitimate story to tell, but seemed nonetheless to "try too hard" at it, making these very serious experiences somehow superficial. I also feel that there could've been a lot more depth in examining what it is to live with the ambiguous grief and knowledge of one's family having a history of specific cancers. I felt like the depiction of powerlessness in the face of her mother's health decline was more potent than her depiction of her own cancer. I also feel like the saying about "running into one's obstacles while avoiding them" could've been mined more meaningfully. There's also a class upgrade somewhere along the way, with her working-class background giving way to her becoming a stay at home mom married to a lawyer -- surely the family's background with health is informed by stress and medical debt. (Nicole Chung's A Living Remedy delves into the challenges of class/money and healthcare.)

[Georgia Knowlton · Rating 4 out of 5]

I did really enjoy this book. I luckily have never encountered a close relation with breast cancer through myself, family, or friends. However, this book helped me from an understanding around it, and the hardships people go through (very insightful and inspiring). I am currently in my last year of school to receive a bachelors in social work, and I am sure I will encounter patients who struggle with similar stories as Gila.

I would show family and friends certain parts of the book, making my own “Under the Sea Songs” about personal experiences, and laugh.

The ending to me was the most touching part of the story. Had me very thankful for the hardships I have experienced, and almost finding myself excited to see what life will throw at me, positive or negative, and what it will teach me.

Thank you Gila, for this wonderful, inspiring, story. You are a very strong person. You helped me regain my focus of how just important family and friends are. Thank you!

[Emily Skeen · Rating 5 out of 5]

As someone who was also diagnosed with cancer at a young age, I thank Gila for her courage and determination to put pen to paper and create such an amazing book.

What starts as a showcase of grief and navigating life post losing a parent, develops into a story of strength and resilience in light of a diagnosis and what measures one will go through in prevention.

As someone who has gone through similar circumstances, I found this story relatable and a way to show what many keep hidden inside. I have been menopausal since my surgery when I was 25 and understand the complexity that comes with being so young when this occurs.

Whether your are a survivor, are undergoing treatment, have lost someone to cancer or have an interest in this topic I would highly recommend.

[Rachel · Rating 4 out of 5]

The discovery of the BRCA1 gene has greatly affected many women’s lives, particularly those with a family history of breast cancer. Now they can test to see if they have a genetic tendency toward the disease and make educated decisions. Gila Pfeffer, the author of “Nearly Departed: Adventures in Loss, Cancer, and Other Inconveniences” (The Experiment), tells of her mother’s early death from breast cancer and her attempt to prevent a similar occurrence in her own life. Her memoir would be extremely difficult to read were it not for her humor about parts of her health journey, which greatly lighten the experience.
Read the rest of my review at https://www.thereportergroup.org/book...

[StylesPlenty · Rating 4 out of 5]

There were a lot of things that we had in common even when we got treatments a few years apart.
I was able to connect with a lot of the things the author went thru - dx, chemo, hair loss, keeping it really pg for my daughter, having a strong partner. It is a must read memoir.

What I did not like was having to read this only on the netgalley shelf-unable to increase font size, highlight or make notes.

I received a complimentary copy of this book. Opinions expressed in this review are completely my own. A big thank you to NetGalley and the Experiment for the ARC of this book in exchange for my honest review.

[Shira · Rating 5 out of 5]

I don’t even know where to being…

Gila’s writing style and ability to incorporate humor, sarcasm, depth, and raw brutal emotion into a single paragraph is astounding.

I can’t recommend this book enough. Gila is a stunning writer with an incredibly raw and captivating story to tell.

This memoir had me in a chokehold from start to finish.
The additional facet for me of growing up in Staten Island as a close family friend to Gila’s family made reading this book a wildly emotional ride.

I’ve enjoyed following her blog for years and I’d gladly read her (I’m assuming) snarky hilarious grocery lists if she gave me the chance.

[Leora Wenger · Rating 4 out of 5]

Gila Pfeffer writes beautifully about tragedy, pain, the power of relationships, and survival. Her humor and storytelling glued me to her book. Like Gila, I lost my mother in the 1990s to cancer. We took different paths, however. I would probably have gotten along with her dad, z"l. I loved the description of finding him with piles of sugar after he vowed to give it up. I would have encouraged him to try honey and butter instead. What a pleasant surprise to find a dear friend of mine, her massage therapist, had helped her so much. Gila makes it clear how words can either hurt or help, an important lesson.

[Laurie · Rating 3 out of 5]

This is what I would call an information driven memoir. It is a story of a woman who comes from a family with a virulent history of cancer. Our heroine wants to take her medical future into her own hands and she does. We take the journey with her through her family reeling from the death of her young mother leaving behind a grieving husband and five children. Three are still minors. Gila chooses life for herself and hopes to pass along her lesson to her younger sisters who more than likely share her genetic makeup. She is single minded in her attempts at the medical prevention of hormone related cancer . L'Chayim.