Infantilised: How Our Culture Killed Adulthood

by Keith J. Hayward

Infantilised: How Our Culture Killed Adulthood is the definitive grown-up's guide to a cultural landscape predicated on the primacy and constancy of youth.
Have you noticed that in more and more areas of everyday life, rather than being addressed like a mature adult, you're increasingly treated like an irresponsible child in constant need of instruction and protection? Perhaps you've experienced this feeling when passing by unnecessary health and safety signage telling you how to walk up a flight of stairs or use a handrail, or when instructed by patronising tannoy announcers to carry a bottle of water with you in hot weather? Or maybe you've spotted it on television, in the countless commercials that use babyish jingles and cutesy cartoon animals in campaigns for adult goods and services? Or it could be you've sensed your diminishing adult autonomy when being talked down to by barely educated politicians or even worse told what to think by entirely uneducated celebrities? But whenever and wherever it happens, you're left with a sinking feeling that something's not quite right; that instead of inhabiting a mature, grown-up world of foresight and experience, you've been enrolled, without your consent, into something resembling universalised adult day-care.
Noticing society's creeping descent into infantilisation is one thing but understanding the roots and causes of the phenomenon is not quite so easy. In fact, one of the strange things about our infantilised world is that, while it's evident everywhere from education to the evening news, hardly anyone stops to consider how this situation came about and what it will ultimately mean for society.
In this topical and vitally important new work, cultural theorist and academic Dr K J Hayward exposes the deep social, psychological, and political dangers of a world characterised by denuded adult autonomy. But importantly Infantilised: How Our Culture Killed Adulthood is no one-dimensional, unsympathetic critique. Brimming with anecdotes and examples that span everything from the normalisation of infantilism on 'reality TV' to the rise of a new class of political 'infantocrat', this comprehensive book also offers an insightful and at times humorous account of infantilism's seductive appeal. Hayward even ends on an upbeat note, with a short manifesto-style conclusion that includes ten suggestions for avoiding some of the pitfalls associated with our increasingly infantilised world.

Genres: Nonfiction, Psychology, Society, Sociology, Philosophy, Politics, Parenting

320 pages, Kindle Edition

First published January 1, 2024

Reviews

[Luci B · Rating 1 out of 5]

Deep as Jaden Smith’s tweets

Although I agree there’s a certain truth in his proposition, the discourse is all over the place. It seems the author is trying to link “everything wrong about the society today” to one oversimplified explanation. The book touches on (1) children being treated like adults and subject to disproportionate ramifications in the judicial system; (2) children being treated like permanent children in everyday life and pampered 24/7; (3) people are getting married, having kids, and becoming financially independent much later than before; (4) pop culture is dumb and marketing is insufferable; (5) social media is dumb and EVIL; (6) education is dumb and woke and young people are hopeless; (7) parents are dumb and weak and that’s why their kids turn out narcissistic; (8) mainstream media are dumb and politicians are narcissistic and I can’t believe people can’t see through them. Each of these topics is complex in its own right and cannot be attributed to one simple cause, and they do not share one simple answer: people refuse to grow up because everybody is either born or made stupid.

The evidence in the book is largely anecdotal—I notice this exists, therefore it must be universal. The author heavily leans on outliers for global observations: one middle-aged woman asked for an autograph from the five-year-old son of some footballer, so I guess all middle-aged women do that now; I read on Twitter that one twenty something had a mental breakdown at work because of the spelling of “hamster,” which proves all young people today are useless and pathetic. It’s laughable how the majority of these individual cases are drawn from spaces that are designed to be performative and theatrical, like social media, advertising, and gossipy celebrity entertainment. So you already know you’re fishing in a ce*spool yet you’re still furious when you get tu*d? And some of the examples he uses to demonstrate “generational mulch” (meaning adults don’t act like adults, kids don’t act like kids) are downright psychotic: apparently LEGO and playing family games together are destroying the Anglo-American societal fabric. (The author harbors disproportionate hatred toward LEGO lol.)

The author is particularly vocal and snarky when it comes to the inane pop culture today. His self-assured million-dollar discovery relies on one condition being true: people can’t distinguish entertainment from real life. Well, here are some facts that may blow the author’s pea-sized mind:

- Being created in the form of animation does not automatically make something juvenile or trash.
- People who watch horror movies do not necessarily want a career in serial killing.
- Some “childish and empty” dance music is childish and empty because it’s noise that’s only meant for dancing. No one expects it to change their life.
- Some reality shows are scripted to be outrageous and absurd because fury is an attention magnet.
- For the same reason, people choose and exaggerate batsh*t crazy stories on social media because that’s how you get engagement.
- For the same reason, news seems full of ridiculous events today because uneventful slices of life aren’t news and don’t get clicks.
- People who play video games or LEGO can still hold “adult” jobs and be both financially and socially successful.
- Adding this one because I feel it’s the kind of thing the author needs spelled out: women who have kinky fantasies do not want to be assaulted or abused in real life.

Different types of entertainment are not mutually exclusive. Someone who danced to some “soulless” deep house last night could be listening to Pink Floyd and Beethoven when they come out of the hangover. Someone who’s watching One Piece could be freshly off a documentary on nuclear physics. Someone who has 50 Shades on audio when doing chores could read Márquez or Munro when they get to sit down and focus. Sure, there’s a lot of trash out there. It’s also true that some people consume trash because they no longer have the attention span or reading stamina for harder things. But some people consume trash because they are exhausted, depressed, or simply busy managing their real life and, at that moment, want something that doesn’t require full attention, like this book. You wouldn’t know, because people don’t log what they do in their free time with some pseudo scientist who can’t comprehend something as basic as “correlation != causation.”

You know what’s a telling sign of mental infantility? Black and white thinking.

Unlike the things one consumes, the things one writes can be so much more revealing: the author comes across as someone unbearably condescending, miserable, and resentful. On several occasions, people he calls “friends” are used to prove his theory on the epidemic of infantilism. Inviting him to LEGO games (here we go again lol) is childish. What are you thinking? You’re an adult. Being in a band in your 50s and playing for your kids? This is the kind of “life stage dissolution” I’m talking about. He does that in a tongue-in-cheek fashion and maybe certain nuances are lost between the lines, but just based on what’s come through the pages, I wouldn’t want anything to do with people like this in real life. They are the kind that get invited to your barbeque, eat your food, then lecture you with a smirk: hmm, so you cut your little sausages like octopuses—I know a good shrink who can help with your intense daddy issues.

You know what else is a telling sign of mental infantility? Assume everyone else is dumb and believe you are better than what you really are.

The author repeatedly associates “youth” with narcissistic, rebellious, and unruly, and associates “adult” with collective, authoritative, and absolutely dead inside. The ideal “adult-youth” relationship the author portrays is more akin to that of a human and a dog, and it makes sense that he manages to jump from “young people don’t want to get married, have kids or buy houses” to “that’s because they still feel like babies inside.” From Part III, the book turns into a weird, convoluted job application for the Ben Shapiro camp: everybody claims to be mentally ill now; everybody wants to be a victim; everybody is irritatingly fragile and constantly looking for the next thing to cancel; everybody is full of sh*t these days. Damn, there’s gotta be other ways to get on Rogan.

The author also seems amused that no respected academic was talking about this subject until him, and if they ever touched on the issues, alas they got it wrong.

Or, maybe those dots just shouldn’t be connected the way you so confidently did.

Having someone with this level of arrogance and logic flaw in criminology is particularly concerning. This is how that Lombroso nonsense started. Before they let anyone write a book lecturing strangers what to do with their lives, they should first ask the author for psych clearance on narcissistic personality disorder.

So, save your time. You can get as much if not more insight from South Park.

[Nadia Zeemeeuw · Rating 4 out of 5]

In Infantilised, Keith Hayward, a professor of criminology, examines modern Western society through a lens that highlights the processes of infantilization. I thoroughly enjoyed reading this book, even though I didn’t agree with all of its arguments. At times, I felt the author went a bit too far in dismissing certain things as childish. One example I took personally was his critique of so-called “childish footwear,” where Ugg boots were labeled as infantile. I disagree with the notion that being an adult necessarily means being uncomfortable. Sometimes a banana is just a banana. That said, it was a fantastic read, and I’m glad I came across it.

[Daniel Rothwell · Rating 1 out of 5]

"Yet might there be something symbolically signifcant in the generational transfer of Milkybar Kid to Milkybar *Man*?"

A really bad read. I think that all of the points the book makes about infantilisation in culture are plainly obvious, if you're already comfortable with looking out for the concept in the first place..

The book wholly fails to diagnose any genuine cause of infantilisation, or to inhabit any vaguely literary viewpoint on it (a pessimism on the category of man-children? What could Schopenhauer write? Would Schopenhauer care to write?) Not to play the historising game of blaming WIlliam of Ockham, but the ongoing infantilisation of the public world was wholly contained within liberalism, within the technological ease of pleasure liberalism enjoined and promised.. our author seems to think it an odd, placeless cultural occurance of a dissolving of wall between child and adult....

The book is a very long list of the author's pet peeves of The Masses acting as The Masses, and contains reference to likely every news article they have read in the last 15 years, why has anyone read this.....

[Svend Vilhelm Lyngsøe Poulsen · Rating 2 out of 5]

Hmm. Han smider nogle pointer på bordet, men han går ikke rigtigt dybere ned i de pointer. Jeg synes egentlig bare, at det virkede lidt som en voksen mand, der har set sig knotten på kulturen. Jeg regnede med at få en interessant læseoplevelse, som jeg måske ville lære lidt af, men nej. Keith Høafdeling lader lidt til at være ude i vand, hvor han ikke kan bunde. Og det er ikke en sø eller et hav, det er en vandpyt, han plasker rundt i. Hele bogen virker som en brainstorm, og jeg synes, at den var spild af tid. Han burde holde sig til det, han rent faktisk forsker i, og ikke blande sig i et felt, han ikke kan finde ud af. Jeg har dog ingen anelse om, han kan finde ud af sit eget felt. Jeg har dog svært ved at tro det, siden den her bog er så ulideligt ligegyldig.

[Will Stevenson · Rating 4 out of 5]

Taken together with the work of Jonathan Haidt, Infantilised paints a picture of a western world in crisis. The frameworks outlined by Mark Fisher are supplanted with ideas around safetyism that work to eliminate our self efficacy to function in any role outside that of a consumer. A compelling read, if at times it straddles between the lines and fails to offer meaningful ideas of progress beyond a rejection of the current socio-political landscape and routinely relies on a white, middle class canon to define adulthood.

[Nate · Rating 2 out of 5]

Makes some good points on some fronts but doesn't actually get into the meat and potatoes of most of the issues, choosing instead to point to individuals in the end for the conclusions it makes. Verges on blame game at marginalized groups at certain points for conservative brownie points a little too often too.

[Ari Chand · Rating 3 out of 5]

This book is an excellent litmus test of the internet age and the transitional states foisted upon us in order to manage our attention and manipulate us via nostalgia and kidulthood. Hayword steps outside his discipline to offer a criminologists analytical mind to society and culture. The book is at its strongest when Hayward dissects how cultural, economic, and technological forces intersect to manufacture a version of adulthood that is palatable, docile, and easy to monetise. He moves deftly through sociology, criminology, media analysis, and political discourse, illustrating how infantilisation appears not just in obvious pop-cultural nostalgia but in governance, politics and public debate, consumer behaviour, and even moral outrage.

He tries to capture transitional states of zeitgeist, and succeeds in stitching together important moments and examples that indicate infantilism within culture. Some of these insights also come across as cherry picked personal gripes. The tone of the book is unapologetically disdainful and lamenting of the state of adulthood in culture. It really is old man shouting at the wind approach to the topic and he offers little pragmatic recourse other than personal responsibility.

[Julie · Rating 3 out of 5]

I agree with most of his main points about the infantilisation of our culture. That said he also sometimes sees infantilisation ghosts where there are none.

Hours of video gaming sitting in a childish gaming chair in the basement is in my opinion a central part of the kidult/manchild persona. But somehow Hayward skips this as being a part of infantilisation because he has a PS2 himself. Do I understand him correctly? Talk about blind spots....

He also spends a lot of time on ranting about celebrities used as experts in something they know nothing about just because they are celebrities and popular. The ironic thing is that celebrity Stephen Fry endorses the book on both sides of the book cover. Is he an expert in infantilisation or just famous?

Finally, the book is way too long. Too many examples and long rants about each subject. A shorter and better edited book would make his points sharper.

[Marnix Verplancke · Rating 4 out of 5]

Anderhalf decennium geleden merkte de Britse, aan de universiteit van Kopenhagen docerende criminoloog Keith Hayward voor het eerst op dat er iets aan het schuiven was in onze psychologie en onze samenleving. Enerzijds werden volwassenen steeds vaker als kinderen behandeld, met hun eigen kleurboeken, Play-Doh en LEGO. McDonalds pakte twee jaar geleden zelfs uit met Happy Meals voor volwassenen. Parallel daarmee werden kinderen in tv-programma’s als The Voice Kids en Bake-Off Junior geacht zich als volwassenen te gedragen. Primark sloeg daarbij alles met gewatteerde bikinitopjes voor 7-jarige meisjes, waardoor die borstjes leken te hebben en op wel heel jonge leeftijd geseksualiseerd werden. Wat zit daar achter, vroeg Hayward zich af, en hoe meer hij erop begon te letten hoe vaker hij zag dat het aloude verschil tussen de generaties op de schop ging.
De generationele mulching, zoals hij het fenomeen noemt, vloeit voort uit de vermarkting van de jeugdcultuur vanaf de jaren vijftig. De Amerikaanse welvaartsgroei maakte dat de jeugd meer geld had voor dingen die voorheen in wezen niet bestonden, zoals draagbare stereo’s of telefoons voor in de slaapkamer. Daar zag de advertentiebusiness wel brood in. Opeens kregen tieners economische waarde. Vervolgens gingen die marketeers op zoek naar maatschappelijke trends om hun wagentje aan te koppelen. In de jaren zestig kwam de jeugd in opstand tegen het autoritaire gezins- en staatsmodel. Er werd inspraak geëist en vooral de witte vaderfiguur kreeg het hard te verduren. En dus sprak iedereen over de politieke revolutie van die tijd, maar veel interessanter is wat reclame en marketing ermee deden. In hun campagnes werd sterk ingezet op die jeugdige bevrijdingsdrang. Je kon bij wijze van spreken je jeugd kopen in de vorm van een hip drankje of een blitse auto. Koop ons product en je bent niet langer een massamens, was de boodschap, je bent dan een individu met een eigen levensstijl.

[Thomson · Rating 1 out of 5]

I happen to believe that we're living through a really transformative time and that mass culture is indeed degrading under contemporary media and late capitalism. So I was excited to check out this book, then disappointed at the author's utter failure to formulate a coherent argument.

Seriously, it's unreadable. Hayward spends entire chapters moaning about anecdotal tabloid drivel while displaying no ability to contextualize. Yes yes, bronies exist and KAWS achieves mass commercial success with unsophisticated art. But how out-of-touch do you have to be to think that, in 2024, these phenomena offer radical insights into relevant trends?

There are some glimmers of actual thought here, such as when Hayward discusses the blurring of traditionally conceived life stages and the resulting "generational mulch". Even so, I wished for less bellyaching and more balanced discussion of precisely what modern pressures are causing these old ideas to break down.

Would love to see more thinking treatments of this topic. Off the top of my head, The Society of the Spectacle comes to mind as relevant though very abstract and predating the latest developments. Millenial Snot is a cute little right-wing salvo but doesn't really go anywhere. I myself suspect that the big answers relate to contemporary trends in education and digital media. Anyway, don't read this book, read basically anything else.

[Maria Borges · Rating 5 out of 5]

(English is not my first language, I apologize for any mistakes)

This book changed the way I look at society and, especially, at marketing. As someone in her early twenties, much of what I read is already having an Impact on my decision making.
I do not agree with everything Hayward states. For example, he believes that teaching students by meeting their interests is destroying education. As a teacher, my job is not only to make sure my students are learning, but also that they take an interest. Of course, we can’t make exams absurdly easy or eliminate more challenging tasks or topics, but I believe difficult tasks and uninteresting topics can coexist with more attractive exercises that feed their curiosity (obviously this applies to high school, not college).
However, this extraordinary work is already transforming my lessons, especially on the type of questions I ask and on the critical discussion of the works we read.
I highly recommend it!

[Hannah · Rating 2 out of 5]

Let me start off by saying I was so excited about this book that I was prepared to give it a 4 or 5 star rating.

It took me 4.5 months to finish reading Infantilised not because it was too cerebral (it isn't) but because it was exhausting. At some point, it started to feel like Hayward was just nagging at me and it never stopped. Also, mate loves his run on sentences.

Hayward attacks the Left, the Right and just about everyone but I think that's fair, it's good to scrutinize groups equally and objectively. However, it becomes loathsome to read about when the entire book is filled with thinly veiled and outright contempt for swathes of people as well as specific individuals he turns into examples.

In one instance, he singles out a successful artist who creates Lego sculptures for a living. He ends off this section by sticking his nose in the air and saying he wishes him good luck with that. While Hayward has some valid observations and offers some simple solutions to infantilisation, he never addresses why exactly certain occurrences, like that of an artist whose main medium of choice is Legos, is 'detrimental' to our adulthood. There are many named examples in this book which seem harmless and a bit of stretch to condemn, like reminding people to stay hydrated. To me, that just seems like any other public healthcare note; and in looking at it that way, I question what the alternative would be... a world where we look out for not just ourselves but one another less? Where Healthcare doesn't even have to make any attempts at public outreach but get their pockets lined even more?

The general public does not lose autonomy from the minor things like this. It could be said that these various little things condition us to be more susceptible to bigger infantilising problems but I think humans deserve a little more credit than that.

[Marius · Rating 3 out of 5]

Kitab müasir dövrün uşaqlaşdırılmasını faktlar və araşdırmalarla oxunaqlı şəkildə təsvir edir. Yazar fikrini əsaslandırmaq üçün zəngin istinad siyahısından qaynaqlansa da, arşadırmalar səthi verilib. Bu cür kitablar üçün elmi məqalələrdən ortaya çıxan nəticələrin müqayisəsi, diqqət edilməyən, şübhədə saxlayan məqamları əsəri daha qiymətli edir deyə düşünürəm.

[readkrautread · Rating 1 out of 5]

What a dreadful pile of shit. This is just an old man raving on about how useless (he thinks) pretty much everyone else is. How utterly dull. I thought I was going to be reading something insightful, but no. This reads more like the self-published rantings of a bigoted lunatic. Bah humbug if ever there was one.

[Diego Esteves · Rating 4 out of 5]

It's an important topic and the author addresses most of the issues related with it quite in depth. the one star deduction is because the author sometimes loses himself complaining about his own personal experiences, making the whole style drag on.

[Alin Violet · Rating 2 out of 5]

had to read this for university now I never want to read again.

had some good points, but i really dont care anymore. Ive been reading for 7 hours and 30 minutes straight my brain can’t comprehend any more texts. Why did I enroll into my own major?

[Verminicious Knid · Rating 1 out of 5]

Didn’t finish.

The arguments didn’t feel fleshed out and things got repetitive fast. There’s a solid premise worth exploring, but it wasn’t executed in an engaging way at all.

[Tanja · Rating 4 out of 5]

Very insightful and reality - based. It covers a huge problem in these days. I can recommend it warmly.

[Riin]

kolleeg Marge V soovitas

[Emily Posthumus · Rating 1 out of 5]

Lots of pearl clutching.

[Dina Spencer · Rating 4 out of 5]

This was a great read! Keith J. Hayward writes beautifully and pulls few punches. Unfortunately, however, I suspect that many of those who probably should be reading this book, won't bother with it.

[dd who? · Rating 2 out of 5]

100 woke Balac students vs Keith Hayward

[Jon Pennycook]

Often reads like an op-ed rant in the Daily Telegraph or Spectator. Odd claims that playing with Lego as an adult leads to frequenting adult champagne hostess bars and strip clubs, which I associate more with CEOs and investment bankers (but maybe they are like teenagers).

[Tracey P · Rating 4 out of 5]

Full of interesting ideas and a premise that I think pretty much everyone can agree with. Somethings I snorted at, other ideas made me put the book down so I could think about them further. That's what I like in books about culture, a book that makes me stop reading and force me think deeply about how certain ideas may or may not apply. A book that makes you think is worth its weight in gold. I recommend this one.

[Brad Ayers · Rating 2 out of 5]

Overly critical in my opinion.

[Peter Bednár · Rating 3 out of 5]

No need to bothside this