Thank You, More Please: A Feminist Guide to Breaking Dumb Dating Rules and Finding Love

by Lily Womble

Lily Womble, dating coach and founder of "Date Brazen," flips patriarchal dating on its head and challenges you to ask for what you want.

It’s not your fault dating sucks, that the patriarchy has screwed up how you find love. From addictive dating apps to advice like "Stop being so picky!" (aka "Don’t trust yourself"), dating can be exhausting.

Before becoming a feminist dating coach, Womble was one of the top matchmakers in the United States, but in her personal life she was settling for unhealthy "situationships." Her deepest fear was that she wasn’t deserving of the love and partnership she craved, and she needed to learn how to not settle and to attract love on her terms. In Thank You, More Please, Womble shares the steps she followed to create a confident and joyful dating life.

Genres: Nonfiction, Self Help, Relationships, Audiobook, Psychology, Feminism, Love

240 pages, Hardcover

Published June 11, 2024

Reviews

[Grace · Rating 5 out of 5]

4.5 rounded up

I'm not exactly the target market of this book, in that I'm not desperately searching and longing for a partner, but the author was a guest on a podcast I listen to and I found her interesting enough to check out a copy of the book she recently published. While some of the advice here didn't really personally apply, I did think there was a good amount of helpful advice and framing here, and I appreciated that there was "homework" to actually force people to engage with the content and get the most out of things. A solid read, particularly for those who have felt like they're not getting what they want out of dating.

[Hailey Gibson]

At the end of the day, I’m just a girl wondering if she’ll ever experience dating! 👉🏻👈🏻

[Andrea DeCamp · Rating 5 out of 5]

I don’t love self-help type of books much but this was a refreshing and encouraging read as the resident single friend surrounded by couples friends. lol

p.s. if you’re my couples friends - know that I am so very happy for you. lol

[Ifeoluwa · Rating 5 out of 5]

4.5 stars rounded up.

Think Atomic Habits but for dating. This book explains why modern dating can be so difficult and gives practical advice for how to find joy in your love life. The tone is upbeat, friendly, and encouraging. I listened to this as an audio book and it felt like she was coaching me and cheering me on. I look forward to doing the “messy homework” and applying lessons from this book.

Her tips on self compassion and self trust are beautiful, necessary, and applicable to other areas of our lives.

I docked half a star because in the first few chapters of the book where she talked about the systems of oppression behind the hellscape that is modern dating i.e. the patriarchy, racism, capitalism etc, it felt like she was preaching to the choir. Her social justice stance and politics appear similar to mine, and she didn’t add a lot of new information I didn’t already know. I just wanted to get to the meat of the book. So keep that in mind and keep going if you feel the same way; there is really juicy stuff ahead!

[Suzannah Rowntree]

I have no idea how dating is supposed to work. This book doesn't really tell you the reigning social conventions, as it's more about how to ignore those to set your own rules, but it did have a lot of good sense in it on how to figure out what you are actually looking for in a relationship and how to trust your own instincts above social expectations.

[Kelly]

Lots of good advice in this book. The author comes across as warm, funny, knowledgeable, and encouraging. I love the fundamental thesis about trusting yourself, enjoying the process, getting more picky but developing "essence-based preferences" (why do those things matter to you?), and letting people who are not a match weed themselves out by "playing to the top of your intelligence" and just... being yourself. The phrase "bless and release" has already worked its way into my vocabulary. She also takes a nice approach to "messy homework" and encouraging readers to actually do the exercises, no matter how imperfectly, rather than just reading by them and nodding along. She's anticipated the perfectionists in her audience very well. :)

The tool I will probably use the most is the date feedback system, i.e., list of questions to ask myself after a date to tap into my own intuition about how exactly it went. Was it "fine" or was it actually not that good? There are also a lot of good tools for online dating if/when I find myself back on the apps.

My main gripe is the casual/throwaway feminist tone in parts, which falls in the annoying middle ground of "let me make a bunch of big pronouncements about large societal causes without explaining any of them at all." For example:

There's no such thing as being motivated all the time. Don't let those productivity celebrities fool you. Being productive and motivated all the time is not only fake, but also a function of toxic, white supremacist, patriarchal, hustle culture. It's also inextricably linked to capitalism and is harmful to our collective well-being. (p. 181)

This stuff makes the book read more like social media sometimes, and it undercuts her cause. She's usually not fundamentally wrong about things, just glib and oversimplified in a way that sounds more like someone stating her side in a culture war than someone thinking deeply about the causes of an issue.

I'd contrast this with Catherine Price's work (current read: The Power of Fun) where she effectively critiques some of the structures of capitalism that have changed the way people think about, experience, and can access "fun"... but without beating the reader over the head every chapter with a list of "isms" that make having fun harder. I wish Womble had either made her points about structural causes once clearly at the beginning and then referred back to them as needed, or else gone deeper into what she meant to communicate by bringing up those factors each time she did. Repeatedly listing out oppressions is simply not helpful and kind of a drag to read. Yes, author, I know your values; you put the word "feminist" in the book title, it's not like you were hiding the ball! And I have not forgotten how the world works. So what's all this for, exactly?

Anyway, apart from that pet peeve which I had to read past repeatedly, this was an enjoyable and useful read. I'm glad it's out there!

[Shelby Barnes · Rating 5 out of 5]

For those of us still dating, it’s a constant mental calculation of “should I say this or suggest this or ask what we are or should I play it cool?” Sound familiar? We are overthinking dating “rules” or “standards” that have been imposed onto us through years of living in a patriarchal society. That’s right - this is a ✨feminist ✨outlook on how to break dating stereotypes and reclaim dating how you WANT to date!

When I first requested this book, I was in love with the title. I would be driving around, hitting every green light, and saying “thank you, more please”! It’s such a powerful statement to put into the universe. This book came at a great time for me. I was trying to date again - spoiler alert, didn’t work out! - BUT this book helped me be okay with that. In the past, if something didn’t work out, I would overanalyze and wonder if I could’ve done something different, and would be upset about the prospective relationship ending. And for what? A dusty man?? Nah, never again! This book helped me remember you put in the energy what you want to get out of the experience.

Also shoutout to Lily Womble for giving me some great advice before the last date I went on!

[Courtney | craesread · Rating 3 out of 5]

⭐️⭐️⭐️ As a happily married woman, I’m not necessarily the intended audience for this book but I enjoyed it nonetheless.

* I think it’s important to continue dating your partner to keep the spark alive so I tried to take away information pertaining to that.

* There were a lot of things like bragging about yourself, standing up for yourself, &not being shameful of your goals. It showed good ways to create self confidence &truly figure out who you’re looking for. Or the root of it. For example if you physically want to date a guy with a man bun the real question is, do you actually want him to have a man bun or are you actually looking for someone more creative &progressive. Because someone with a man bun more than likely has those qualities. She addressed many scenarios like that.

* She also put together a bunch of talking points/questions that you can use that help figure out if you have a true connection to someone &their values. Simple things like, who was the last person in your family to make you laugh? That way you get the other person to talk about their family. See their closeness or lack-thereof.

* The narration was done by the author. She did a great job. It was as if she was sitting across from me telling me all these things.

* I would recommend if you’ve had difficulties with dating or you’re trying to figure out why you can’t seem to find the one. They are out there, your standards aren’t too high, you just need to get to the root of what you want.

I’d like to thank Grand Central Publishing for the gifted copy in exchange for an honest review.

Themes:
* Dating
* Societal norms
* Self confidence

[Lauren D'Souza · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book spoke to my SOUL. If you are a smart, ambitious, cool, fun woman who happens to be single and has ever had the thought (or been told) that you're too much, that what you want is too specific, that romantic love will never find you, or that you have to change yourself to find love, this book is for you. Lily Womble is a feminist dating coach and professional matchmaker who has felt all of these things and observed the best ways to get out of these thoughts and into a space that will bring out your best self and your best dating life.

What I love most is that she focuses so much on YOU - on practicing self-compassion constantly, feeling your feelings, going inwards to find what really matters to you before diving deep into the nightmare fuel that is modern dating. The advice in this book is actionable and tangible (with great journaling prompts!), and she even includes a whole chapter that you can go back to when things go wrong - when you get rejected, when you feel hopeless, when you feel like no one's supporting you. I usually steer clear of books like these, but I have loved Lily Womble's TikToks and knew that this would be a great read (and I was not wrong).

[Cristina · Rating 3 out of 5]

2.75ish ⭐️

I'm not sure if I was the target audience for this book. I have strong issues with the app dating swipe culture so I was intrigued by what her advice on how to navigate this toxicity would be. There were some helpful tips/homework but overall was left with just a mental framework tweak to assist in navigating the app-swiping toxic cultural norms.

[Manisha]

Listened to the audiobook.

DNF @ 34%

It was fun at the beginning but its been so long since I even picked it up that I have no interest in it anymore.

[Crystal · Rating 3 out of 5]

A fun, quick read. A feminist dating guide written by a dating coach. Fun anecdotes with messy homework and how to find the right person for you by being unapologetically you.

Didn’t realize it was a dating book, it popped up as a recommended book a lot of people were reading. A lot doesn’t apply to me but it was fun to see what the dating sphere was like. I liked the advice that you’re not too much for the right person. And to know your values and essence so you find the right people to be in your circle.

[Jessie · Rating 4 out of 5]

There's a lot I liked in this book, and also a fair bit that I may not have been the target audience for, but that's alright. I loved the idea of bragging in the sense of not being afraid to share what you do and what you're passionate about. I also loved that a lot of her advice centered on connection with yourself and others generally and that when you find your joy, you're more likely to connect with others authentically. I'll admit, it was a bit cheesy but her style was fun and conversational and made dating feel a little less overwhelming which feels like a total win.

[Rachel Yackel · Rating 4 out of 5]

A great listen! Also a good reminder that you have plenty of time to advocate for yourself and that you never will be asking too much from the right person.

This listen was really intriguing especially when the author talked about why women stay in relationships they know don’t serve them. So many women will sacrifice their values to just be “chosen”.

Dating apps are draining and the author compares them to slot machines. You mindlessly keep scrolling and hoping for a better match. She does give advice on how to still be on the apps but in ways to better suit your needs.

I especially liked the sections that talked more about how damaging certain comments from friends and family members can be as you’ve grown up - “Why aren’t you in a relationship yet?” “So, alone for the holidays again?” OR “It happens when you least expect it”.

This book definitely gave me a lot to think about when it comes to being my best self for my future self.

[Elisa]

My friends and I had seen some online content from this author that resonated and I was curious how she might flesh out some of her practices in writing. I appreciate anybody who is naming clearly that attempting to date outside patriarchal norms is still not the way we’re taught/expected to do it in 2025. A little cheesy in tone at points, but super actionable. Lots of content based in mindfulness and psychologically sound practices of self compassion and self trust.

[Marissa Bracker · Rating 4 out of 5]

I’ve definitely felt a shift in my perspective on my love life since starting this book, and I’m excited to follow the author’s content and keep the momentum going. No self-help type book is going to be perfect, but compared to others I’ve read, this one felt honest, current, and refreshingly helpful.

[Annie · Rating 4 out of 5]

Me, reading a dating book? And actually... liking it? haha There were a few too many buzz words and phrases, but all-in-all, this was a pep-talk to trust yourself. And I like that thought in every facet of life.

[Olivia Swindler · Rating 5 out of 5]

Not only did I adore this book, but I sent, almost daily, highlighted bits to other single friends. If you’re single and feeling meh, I highly recommend this one.

[Ashley Cromie · Rating 4 out of 5]

Super funny and definitely a nice, easy, read

[Leeann · Rating 5 out of 5]

Lily is the feminist voice we need in modern dating. She GETS IT.

[Courtney · Rating 4 out of 5]

Found this book via TikTok and I loved it! I took so many notes and it left me with lots of good, messy homework and thoughts to bring forward with me!

[Mary Beth · Rating 4 out of 5]

4.25/5

This was a really refreshing read! I love Lily’s voice and writing style. She narrated the audiobook and knocked it out of the park. I sped through it, but I’m going to probably purchase a physical copy so I can do the exercises and answer the journal prompts.

I also really appreciate the acknowledgements of the experiences people of color and people in the queer community go through when dating.

[Bethany Long · Rating 3 out of 5]

Kira sent me podcast eps that were great so I did the audiobook, some good advice I’ll hold onto but honestly podcast was better and this just was drawn out / cringe at times.

[Carlie Smith · Rating 3 out of 5]

I’ve been following Lilly Womble on social media for a few years now, and was excited to read the book her effervescent personality exudes. Despite being in the happiest, healthiest relationship of my life, I still felt there were lessons in this book that were valuable to me, a sign that these messages are, in fact, not only relevant for single ladies. I’ve learned a little about Lilly’s Date Brazen model of coaching, but never fully jumped into her coaching groups, but hoped that this book would cover a lot of her material. While it did convey many of the powerful tools shes uses to guide powerful single people to their right relationship, I did feel it didn’t cover everything and was a little more repetitive and disorganized than would’ve been ideal to convey her message. Perhaps she is saving all of her absolute best content behind her coaching paywall for future clientele. Nonetheless, I can tell she is a powerful force of nature and surely transforming many women’s lives for the better. She should be very proud of this debut masterpiece and I can’t wait to see how her Date Brazen empire continues to flourish. Thank you, more please!

[Isabella · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is spilling with juicy cheat codes for the girls in less romantic experiences, or chronic singlehood. The support, tidbits, and anecdotes were all useful, insightful, and applicable.

As I read, I felt like I was learning more about myself. My desires, my wants, my non negotiables, and the insecurities of how to navigate the dating world. The homework sections at the end of each chapter were helpful and fun; never once did it feel like a chore or busy work. I'm closing this book with a sense of more confidence in myself and my dynamics with men, as well as supported with tools to boost my goals in doing so. I wish I had read this sooner, but there's a reason I've found it now.

You truly can't say the wrong thing to the right person, and I believe that.

This book doesn't have all the answers either, but Lily knows that. She reads as a best friend who is educated on the skill of finding love, but not in a tacky cheap way. It's tailored to your individual needs, and let's you ease into your thoughts and feelings towards your unique romantic situation.

Late bloomers especially will find this book encouraging and helpful!

[Josh · Rating 5 out of 5]

Thank You, More Please by Lily Womble is a game-changer. This book is packed with actionable steps that feel both achievable and empowering, delivered through Womble’s signature mix of cheerleading, humor, and heartfelt wisdom. She shares real success stories and hard-won insights from her own dating journey, which makes the advice feel personal and incredibly relatable.

I first came across Lily on TikTok, where her videos offer a treasure trove of dating advice grounded in feminist values. The book expands on that, giving readers a solid framework for navigating modern dating in a way that feels true to themselves, not bound by outdated norms. Lily’s approach encourages you to own your preferences, be unapologetically picky, and trust your gut—something I found not only refreshing but also freeing.

Her coaching is more than just about finding love; it’s about finding yourself and embracing who you are. If you’ve ever felt trapped by the pressures of dating apps or patriarchal expectations, this book will give you the tools to rewrite your story. Highly recommend!

[Samantha · Rating 3 out of 5]

Thank you to NetGalley and Legacy Lit for the ARC of this book.

It's very rare I pick up a non-fiction book, but this one was talked about at the GCP webinar and it sounded very interesting. I did agree with a lot of the "breaking dumb dating rules" that were talked about in the book. The recurring topic of being labeled as "too much" was also very relatable as the author talks us through the pitfalls of modern dating. I feel like this would be helpful for college aged people or perhaps newly back in the dating world people. Someone who has been single for years wouldn't get a lot of new ideas from this. I also am a bit tired of dating books all being written by people who "struggled just like you!" to find love and try to be relatable, only to find out they are in a happy relationship. Makes it come off as yet another person telling single people they will find love when they least expect it.

[Savanah · Rating 5 out of 5]

My favorite part:
“Side note: I don’t believe in “the one.” I believe that there are many people who are awesome for you whom you could choose to love. I say this as a person who is happily married to the most awesome human. Chris and I marvel at how we met, get to choose each other daily, and love being together. Both/and if we had never been introduced, I’m pretty sure we both would have met other people and had different love stories.”

This was freeing for me. It can be so easier to have tunnel vision when trying to find “the one” but I think we are meant to love and be loved by so so many people. Don’t limit yourself to one.

This book was life altering and will stick with me for a long time while I begin the dating journey (at some point, let me get through grad school first). If you are a Type A, excel spreadsheet, recovering perfectionist - this is the book for you ❤️

[Kate (kate_reads_) · Rating 5 out of 5]

I first found Lily Womble a couple years ago on social media and was drawn in by the way she talked about creating a joyful AF dating life. Joyful wasn’t the word that came to mind for me when I thought about dating apps and first dates - so I was intrigued about how I could change that. Through her Date Brazen program, I learned a lot about shifting my mindset.

And now with Thank You, More Please there’s an easy way for anyone interested to do the same. I love the way Lily approaches dating from a feminist mindset around the way you want to feel around someone you date. And her Thank You More Please challenge helps you see the glimmers of what you want and make them a focus.

Thank you to Legacy Lit, Netgalley, Hachette Audio and Libro.fm for the free ebook and audiobook to review.

[AndreaSarmientoBernal · Rating 5 out of 5]

I have read a LOT of this “dating books”, the love and dating life is one for me that triggers a LOT of insecurities and frustrations. And this is the first book that finally move us women from the “object of desire” of men, that is learning on how to be the “most desirable object”, to being at the center and driving seat of our love and dating live, as subjects that desire, that want and that can create the love and dating life that we want and need! It’s been illuminating, has giving me hope and most important real and practical tools to create the love and dating live that makes me feel good with myself! I feel like she does gets it! I’ve have recommended to every women I discussed about our frustrations with love.