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The Penetrator #38
Hawaiian Trackdown
Mike Hardin battles an international syndicate of porno kings.
183 pages, Mass Market Paperback
First published September 1, 1980
1 person is currently reading
14 people want to read
About the author
Lionel Derrick
63 books5 followersLionel Derrick is the house name, or pseudonym, for Mark K. Roberts and Chet Cummingham while writing the Penetrator series for Pinnacle Books. Roberts wrote the odd books and Cummingham the even ones.
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Community Reviews
Displaying 1 - 2 of 2 reviews
March 24, 2011
Women love The Penetrator. I tried to resist but he penetrated through my defenses like a poly cotton blend sweater on a rainy day clinging tight to his scarred but still attractive and muscular body.
I've been feeling stupider than usual lately. I didn't enjoy the sensation of being transported back to the '80s, either. It is hard to penetrate anything through this thick skull of mine. Clothes, clothes, weapons, I-can-only-do-this-for-so-long, sex, bad-ass stare, weapons, clothes.
With the raw sensuality of Tom Selleck, the man-power of David Hasselhoff and the porn star quality of Burt Reynolds, the Penetrator is every woman's wet dream and the man that all men secretly wish they could be.
Hawaii just got hotter!
Hawaiian Trackdown is number 38 in the sexisodes of Mark Hardin (that should be Mark Hard-on). That's right, number 38 like a .38 caliber pistol.
He's done it all: master(bat)ed, uh, every handheld weapon, penetrated all of the women, learned the super secret handshake fighting arts of the Cheyenne tribe, and now he's taking down the cast of Lost... And the sexploitation of innocent children! Hawaii is a hot bed of more than just foul smelling coconut scented oils and tans with panty lines: they also sexploit children to make a cheap buck! The Penetrator is gonna stop it by penetrating their evil crime rings. "He draws his deadly leash tighter and tighter" like a lasso.
He's smiling 'cause he enjoyed having his ass whupped by the Penetrator.
Lists!
Top list of guy's who would get a beat down from The Penetrator:
1. Chuck Norris. While he's not sleeping and waiting, the Penetrator sleeps with his wife and gets him. While he's not checking his toilet paper before he wipes, the Penetrator leaves a secret deadly bomb on it! There's no round house kick against that.
2. Mr. T. The Hawaiian sun will blind him reflecting off of all of that bling. Then the Penetrator goes in for the kill.
3. Mickey Rourke. The Penetrator doesn't need 9 1/2 weeks. He's banged all the other chicks during that time.
4. Lawrence Fishburne. The 'Burne is no match for the 'stache.
5. Steven Seagal.
Top mustaches:
1. The porn star 'stache.
2. The walrus 'stache. Extra power if the wearer finds a dude with a Jesus beard to hit the oyster bars with. Oysters are notorious for their afro-disaic powers.
3. Train car villian 'stache. This one has lost its shiny lustre with the increasing popularity of other modes of transportation. (Also known as the handlebar.)
4. Toothbrush mustache. Perfect for brushing the teeth of your 'fro foes and carpet burning the faces of your sideburned nemesi.
5. The dictator mustache. The Penetrator knows how to lay down the line better than any fascist.
Movie casting time:
The Penetrator: Greg
The professor: Tom Berenger
Indian dude: David Carradine. He would die for sex kinky stuff.
Buck (that's with a B) - Lawrence the 'Burne. He's bald and resents the Penetrator's ability to grow a 'stache.
Lester - John Locke from Lost
Charlie: 'Fonso
My Uncle Phillip might secretly have been the Penetrator in the '80s. He lived in Hawaii as a "massage therapist". I remember that he had sex with all of my babysitters. He also had a mustache.
Tom Skerritt would do ANYTHING to play The Penetrator in the tv show or film series. Too bad (for him) he is the poor girl's Tom Selleck.
Product placements!
Menswear. Hawaiian trackdown reads like a menswear catalog more than anything else.
Weapons. Next to menswear it reads like a weapons catalog. I'd know because I've had to listen to men talk to each other about their weapons catalogs.
Pornos
Sex toys
Cologne
Mustache trimming kits
I hope that I've managed to penetrate the heart of the matter of Hawaiian Trackdown.
I've been feeling stupider than usual lately. I didn't enjoy the sensation of being transported back to the '80s, either. It is hard to penetrate anything through this thick skull of mine. Clothes, clothes, weapons, I-can-only-do-this-for-so-long, sex, bad-ass stare, weapons, clothes.
With the raw sensuality of Tom Selleck, the man-power of David Hasselhoff and the porn star quality of Burt Reynolds, the Penetrator is every woman's wet dream and the man that all men secretly wish they could be.
Hawaii just got hotter!
Hawaiian Trackdown is number 38 in the sexisodes of Mark Hardin (that should be Mark Hard-on). That's right, number 38 like a .38 caliber pistol.
He's done it all: master(bat)ed, uh, every handheld weapon, penetrated all of the women, learned the super secret handshake fighting arts of the Cheyenne tribe, and now he's taking down the cast of Lost... And the sexploitation of innocent children! Hawaii is a hot bed of more than just foul smelling coconut scented oils and tans with panty lines: they also sexploit children to make a cheap buck! The Penetrator is gonna stop it by penetrating their evil crime rings. "He draws his deadly leash tighter and tighter" like a lasso.
He's smiling 'cause he enjoyed having his ass whupped by the Penetrator.
Lists!
Top list of guy's who would get a beat down from The Penetrator:
1. Chuck Norris. While he's not sleeping and waiting, the Penetrator sleeps with his wife and gets him. While he's not checking his toilet paper before he wipes, the Penetrator leaves a secret deadly bomb on it! There's no round house kick against that.
2. Mr. T. The Hawaiian sun will blind him reflecting off of all of that bling. Then the Penetrator goes in for the kill.
3. Mickey Rourke. The Penetrator doesn't need 9 1/2 weeks. He's banged all the other chicks during that time.
4. Lawrence Fishburne. The 'Burne is no match for the 'stache.
5. Steven Seagal.
Top mustaches:
1. The porn star 'stache.
2. The walrus 'stache. Extra power if the wearer finds a dude with a Jesus beard to hit the oyster bars with. Oysters are notorious for their afro-disaic powers.
3. Train car villian 'stache. This one has lost its shiny lustre with the increasing popularity of other modes of transportation. (Also known as the handlebar.)
4. Toothbrush mustache. Perfect for brushing the teeth of your 'fro foes and carpet burning the faces of your sideburned nemesi.
5. The dictator mustache. The Penetrator knows how to lay down the line better than any fascist.
Movie casting time:
The Penetrator: Greg
The professor: Tom Berenger
Indian dude: David Carradine. He would die for sex kinky stuff.
Buck (that's with a B) - Lawrence the 'Burne. He's bald and resents the Penetrator's ability to grow a 'stache.
Lester - John Locke from Lost
Charlie: 'Fonso
My Uncle Phillip might secretly have been the Penetrator in the '80s. He lived in Hawaii as a "massage therapist". I remember that he had sex with all of my babysitters. He also had a mustache.
Tom Skerritt would do ANYTHING to play The Penetrator in the tv show or film series. Too bad (for him) he is the poor girl's Tom Selleck.
Product placements!
Menswear. Hawaiian trackdown reads like a menswear catalog more than anything else.
Weapons. Next to menswear it reads like a weapons catalog. I'd know because I've had to listen to men talk to each other about their weapons catalogs.
Pornos
Sex toys
Cologne
Mustache trimming kits
I hope that I've managed to penetrate the heart of the matter of Hawaiian Trackdown.
February 1, 2016
Another men's adventure series from the 70's. Pretty much standard action, violence and sex. However a good standout is that the hero is healed and trained by an old Cheyenne Indian in the ancient mystic warrior ways of the Cheyenne. Recommended
Displaying 1 - 2 of 2 reviews