"Flora."
"Baz."
"You're not okay, are you?"
My heart takes a shuddering breath, makes a shift, and where there's usually fight and storm, there is only a weariness that's so much deeper than any poor excuse.
"Not exactly."
This book felt like a chore to read. It's not a long story, in the contrary, but to me it seemed like whole eternity had passed before I finished reading it. I can't believe I finally made it to the end!
ATTENTION! FLORA MAXWELL RANT INCOMING! YOU'VE BEEN WARNED!!
After Lila Reyes story we had to witness the Flora Maxwell's story - you know, the girl's that had been maybe not an essential part of the previous book, but definitely one of the highlights of it. I liked Flora back then and I was curious what's her storyline will look like with her as the protagonist.
It wasn't anything good, though. Unfortunately.
I just COULDN'T STAND Flora as a character in this book. She infuriated me with her actions and her behaviour, and her speeches, and her so-called problems and overall with everything. While I could relate to Lila and I could understand Lila's actions and motives, I could NOT for the life of me understand Flora. Her behavior felt completely irrational to me and the fact that, after everything she had done, all it took for her to make everything all right again was just a simple "I'm sorry". She did NOT go through any change during her story. She did NOT found herself nor she did NOT found any answers she had been looking for during her story, she just left Winchester came to Miami, did some modeling and photography and fake dating, realized out of nowhere that she loves her best friend, suddenly remembered that she has a family that she did NOT inform about her little trip, apologized, came back home and that was it. That's the whole story.
She choose to escape Winchester and leave her family to "fix herself" or whatever, after the loss of her mother and after the mistakes she made, but there was absolutely no indication of her grieving. There was no trauma, no breaking point, nothing. She just mentioned her mom here and there when the author managed to remember that the whole point of her escape was the loss of the mother and her inability to deal with it.
My life has felt too authentic for years. There, disease is real, and it takes. Memory. Mothers. Shame and mistakes and grief - God, they're so real, they're bloody everywhere. No, my camera craves an escape that lets me breathe. A better frame. A brighter filler.
This is one of the problems of the story - the author focuses so much on Flora 'escaping' the pain that forgot to show us her grief - and with it the emotional connection to her. Just like with Lila's story, there were no flashback scenes with Flora and her mother, so you could not feel the same emotions that Flora was supposed to feel. You as a reader don't know Flora's mom. You just here about her here and there. You also don't know what kind of relationship Flora even had with her. Heck, you don't even get much of the Maxwell family scenes, because Flora spends most of the book away from Winchester (supposedly with Lila's family, but what she was actually doing was spending time with Baz Márin and his friends).
Don't be too kind. I don't deserve it.
Flora is creating herself as the 'bad person', trying to distance herself from everyone, and feeling guilty over the wrong calls she had made and over hurting people she supposedly cares for, but she does NOT try to fix herself and does not try make different choices. And she does not try to fix the wrong things she had done. All she did was just a simple "I'm sorry" and everything was all right again.
The problem isn't what I'm seeing; the problem is that I'll hurt him. With all my lies and secrets, I'll hurt him just like I've made a mess of everything else. Lately, that always seem to happen when I get to love and protect myself. Why should Gordon end up any safer?
This is how Flora Maxwell's character is build upon - the 'ME, MYSELF AND I' attitude that is disguised as the 'I'm trying to do good, but always end up doing bad' thingy. She CONSTANTLY focuses on herself, one way or another, even if she's talking about somebody else (like Gordon, for example). Heck, she even managed to make her mom's passing all about herself, just look at this:
Children of dementia are doomed to lose their parents twice. I would lose my mom twice, mind and heartbeat - a double death. One plus one times two. And God help me, I decided I would not give a disease the satisfaction. I would protect myself, control everything I still could. I would give Flora Maxwell this one bit.
DO YOU GET WHAT I MEAN??!
I understand the need to protect herself from the loss and pain, I really do, but o my gosh, the family was in SHAMBLES because of the whole Evelyn thing, and what Flora decided to do was just entirely focusing on herself, instead of trying to be a beacon of hope and a supportive hand for the people she claimed to care for.
Oh, oh, wait, try to guess what she had done the day her mom was dying? SHE SPENDS IT MAKING PHOTOS. YEAH.
She got a desperate call from her family, so she knew that her mom was dying, but she, instead of rushing to the hospital right away, decided to spend the time making photos in a park. I understand the fear of saying goodbye, the fear of seeing the beloved person on her death door. I do, I was there. But to do something like this?? It's beyond my imagination.
"You're not the only one who lost a mother." (Orion)
Flora never made anything easy for anybody, really, just focusing on herself and her needs, completely ignoring the feelings and needs of the people she claimed to care for. Her brother is the best example of that. She focuses so much on her loss and her problems that she ignored the fact that her beloved brother also lost his parent. He was also struggling and also needed guidance, someone to be by his side, someone he could rely on. What Flora did was just assume that, because he's a strong person, he does not need any help and focused on herself. She didn't talk to him at all, didn't bring any effort, she just left their home without any word or any note. And then she had the audacity to be surprised that her brother didn't want to talk to her and that her apology didn't work right away.
Four months to lock in what, and even who, I want to be. Easy for some, but when have I ever been the easy one?
She had a problem to choose what to do with her future, which is something everybody are struggling with, so I should easily relate to this. But I didn't, because she had every freaking opportunity ever, provided by the care of her brother and her father, but blindly ignored all of that and had run away, crying how hard it is to made a choice.
"What's a psychologist going to tell me? That I need to face my past and my loss? I've faces that trauma so often, I've named it a hundred times over. Reframed it into a hundred photos.
1) She did not show us that trauma. 2) She refused to seek help, even when she found out that her family members were visiting a psychologist and suggested her to find one too. She is better than that, you know? She can manage on her own!
"Did you want to be my friend for real?"
"Fucking hell, Flora," he snarls. "How can you say that?"
I snap up, finding his face pulled tense and tight and his neck flamed and burning red.
"I mean, I know that you're my friend NOW."
"Do you?"
One of Flora's problems, also showcased in book one (in the Lila's story) was her feelings of not being seen by others. This is why she started the whole graffiti thing back then, but Lila took her under her wing and Flora calmed down. This problem came back in here, but in quite different form. She was claiming to not being seen by others, but was the one who didn't seen other people. She did not seen her father, she did not seen her brother and she did not seen her supposed best friend. She ignored Gordon's feelings, focusing on herself, and she even had the audacity to question their friendship, while Gordon did nothing else than being loyal to her, trying his best to be for her and to cheer her up. She did NOT deserve him, neither as a friend and neither as a lover (but it's a romance book, so of course they got together).
Btw, the romance in this book was completely uninteresting, just like Flora's character was uninteresting. She got with Gordon eventually, what was supposed to happen all along, yay. And got her happy ending by not bringing any effort to get it and to fix everything. Yay.
I am so glad that this series is a duology, because I don't think I could bring myself to read another book. I think it would have been even worse than this one.