Out of My Shell

by Natasha Daniels

You're on the outside looking in. Always standing on the sidelines. Waiting for the other shoe to drop and people to realise that actually you're just not worth the effort. For years, social anxiety whispered its way into Natasha Daniels' mind and quietly sabotaged her life. Even while working as a therapist, helping children to cope with their own anxiety, insecurity lurked in the shadows pointing out the stares, the rejection, the vicious comments from online strangers. In this memoir, Natasha takes on the therapist's role with her past selves to drag her social anxiety into the open. From feisty Miss 6, lonely Miss 14 reeling from a tumultuous childhood, and defiant Miss 18 pushing back against a world where she didn't fit, through to her present self, Natasha explores the way social anxiety colored her experiences and finds healing through self-acceptance.

256 pages, Paperback

Published September 19, 2024

About the author

Natasha Daniels has been an anxiety & OCD therapist for over two decades. She has become the go-to global expert for parents raising kids with anxiety and OCD. She combines both her clinical expertise with her lived experience of raising her own three kids with anxiety and OCD.

She is the creator of the popular website AT Parenting Survival, As well as the host to the top rated show AT Parenting Survival Podcast and the Youtube channel, Anxiety & OCD Support. She also gives in-depth support to thousands of parents raising kids with anxiety or OCD in her online membership AT Parenting Community.

Natasha is also the author of Anxiety Sucks! A Teen Survival Guide , How to Parent Your Anxious Toddler, Social Skills Activities for Kids and It’s Brave to Be Kind.

After the sudden loss of her husband, she also wrote, the Grief Rock. A children’s book that explains the bumpy road of navigating grief.

Reviews

[Books_the_Magical_Fruit · Rating 5 out of 5]

If you are wondering if you have social anxiety, you’ll definitely know when you read this book. Throughout, I felt like Natasha Daniels was narrating my life. Trouble making friends. Bullied in school. Frantically reading ahead to check the paragraph I’d have to read when reading one by one in class. Utterly baffled at how others can handle social interactions so effortlessly. Needing a “security blanket” in the form of another person when attending events or visiting unknown places. Clinging to that person like a lifeline. Overanalyzing every single social interaction to see where you messed up. Having a voice in your head telling you over and over how nobody wants to hang out with you.

Natasha Daniels gets me. And I wept for both of our former selves, at each milestone age.

There’s hope, though! I loved reading about Daniels’ efforts to kick her social anxiety to the curb. If you have it, you’ll be fighting against it for your whole life, and you will have setbacks at times. Never fear! With therapy and hard work, you can make great progress and tell that voice where it can go every time it shows up. Daniels outlines her progression on doing just that, and it’s heartwarming to see.

Natasha, this is a fantastic book that will help many people. Thank you for being so vulnerable and sharing your struggles with the world. You are inspiring!

My thanks to NetGalley and Jessica Kingsley Publishers for an eARC of this book. All opinions are mine alone.

[Kristiana · Rating 4 out of 5]

Out of My Shell by Natasha Daniels does a brilliant job of exploring social anxiety from both a clinical perspective and personal one. Daniels navigates her own experience as a therapist, mother, wife, and woman through returning to the past while tackling the present. This way we discover the roots of social anxiety in Daniels' life and swiftly, for any reader who has experience with anxiety, we are allowed to identify those roots within ourselves and our pasts too.

For me, as someone who has a diagnosis of mixed anxiety and depression, Out of My Shell was an enlightening read. So much of what I've put down to 'who I am' (as Daniels did) is actually because of how socially anxious I am (as Daniels realises). Through reading Daniels' work I was able to begin my own journey tackling my social anxiety (albeit in my 30s!). I appreciate Daniels' interviews with her past selves too, especially as it highlighted how many of us carry anxiety for so long without truly wishing to unpick its source.

The writing is personable and well-paced, making Out of My Shell easy to read despite coming from a therapist's perspective; perhaps because Daniels imbues this book with so much of herself as a human being, as someone with flaws and foibles, and as someone who loves deeply.

[Amanda Wampler · Rating 5 out of 5]

I really enjoyed this memoir. Natasha has an easy, engaging style of writing. At times, I found myself laughing out loud. Natasha’s story is very relatable. It feels like reading a letter from an old friend.
What I enjoyed most about the book however was its ability to help me self reflect more. I was diagnosed with social anxiety as an adult and just thought it was who I was. At the time, I wasn’t interested in doing anything about it. However, reading Natasha’s story really opened my eyes to how much of my life has been dictated by social anxiety- and not in a good way. Natasha’s resilience and courage really inspired me to take a closer look at my own life and ask myself some hard questions. I appreciated her candor and vulnerability- publishing this memoir has got to be one of the top exposures for a socially anxious person!
I would recommend this for anyone with social anxiety wanting to dig a little deeper.

[Tasha Denton · Rating 5 out of 5]

Natasha is an engaging author, and the realness of her struggles with social anxiety came through beautifully.

If social anxiety is something you deal with- or something you aren’t sure you deal with this book gives you an in depth look at how it can affect you from childhood through adult hood, and how different stages in life can be affected.

I am grateful that Natasha wrote this memoir and reading this helped me feel seen and heard.

[Michelle · Rating 5 out of 5]

I really enjoyed this book. If you’re familiar with Natasha’s anxiety and OCD work online, you know that she is very open about her own struggles with social anxiety. This memoir details her path from an anxious, lonely little girl to a rockstar therapist who puts herself out there every day to help others fight their own versions of “Paro,” as she calls her critical mental voice. It’s authentic, raw, and honest.

This is not a self-help book, yet I’m certain that it will be helpful - and highly relatable- for many who suffer from social anxiety. It’s an easy and engaging read, and while the epilogue broke my heart, it also served as a great reminder that life will always throw us curveballs, and we are all constantly a work in progress.

[Kate Velarde · Rating 5 out of 5]

Overall, good read. Natasha toggles between her current life and past memories in a relatable way. She interacts with her past selves across pivotal moments, exploring where her social anxiety comes from, and how to find a way to both manage it and accept herself as she is now. Overall, I found this an easy read, and working with her past selves allowed me, as it may allow various readers, to understand the point at different comprehension levels. I tend to find a lot of self-help type of books dense and dry to get through. Given that this is written in a memoir style, it's much, much easier to digest.

I appreciated that though my childhood may have been different, the stories or experiences themselves had relatable content. Who didn't sit there in elementary school counting their turn to read? Who didn't have fear of where to sit during middle school lunch, even when you had a "place"? Who hasn't had an unhappy relationship? Feelings that I thought were unique to me are displayed openly as universal.

It was particularly eye opening that Natasha, as a therapist, initially struggled to apply the tools that she helps provide others, easily on herself. This helped provide vulnerability and a human element that allows the reader to trust her. That is, if my therapist needs a therapist, too, maybe I'm not wrong in that the world can be hard, and I'm not so wildly alone.

I found myself highlighting several quotes; the point seemed so obvious, yet, put in black in white, gave a clear takeaway.

I initially picked this up as an advanced copy in exchange for an unbiased review, knowing nothing of the author. It's not until I got to the end that I realized that Natasha is actually widely known on social media! (I guess it's because she specializes in children, and I have none.) She reminds me of Glennon Doyle, whos podcasts I do follow and book I have read. However, while I do love Glennon, I found Natasha more relatable. Glennon tends to cover a wide range of subjects while centering on a family focus, while Natasha kept focus on social anxiety across all ages. The book overall felt more like a friend telling me a story (as a memoir should) rather than a therapist trying to give me advice I don't realize I'm ready for.

Even if you're not socially anxious, this book is to be appreciated for the flow of writing and wit of her internal monologue.

[Lisa · Rating 5 out of 5]

I was very lucky to be an advance reader of "Out of My Shell." In this brilliant, raw, heartwrenching, unflinchingly human and un-put-downable book, clinician Natasha Daniels pulls no punches as she describes life “behind the curtain” as a sufferer of social anxiety. She puts herself out there – out loud – and claims her space. Natasha Daniels is a beacon for all of us who feel unprotected in the social world, or who are wounded by the voice in our head that tells us that compared to everyone else, we are not enough. That we do not measure up. That we are not worthy of love and belonging. That we cannot escape from our history. This book reflects a personal story that shows us a map, guided by courage and heart, towards breaking free of that mindset. It is a manifesto for social anxiety sufferers, and both gives an honest and unfiltered look at our experience as well as lighting the long tunnel out. Please read this. Please share it. And like Natasha, be brave, and honest, and know that can do it, and that you are not alone, and that you can build a life, with all of its pain, matched with its joy, where you can thrive.

[Bailey Behrman · Rating 5 out of 5]

I was hooked from the very first page of Out of My Shell. Natasha Daniels’ writing style is captivating, with wonderful details and analogies that make the book read like a fiction novel in the best way possible. Her ability to blend storytelling with real-life experiences creates an immersive and relatable experience for the reader.

Natasha is truly a wealth of knowledge, and hearing her personal account adds a layer of depth and authenticity that makes the book even more powerful. Her voice feels so genuine, and it’s clear that she’s speaking from a place of lived experience and expertise.

I particularly enjoyed the way she wove together present-day reflections with memories from the past. This seamless blend made the narrative feel even more personal, and it brought her journey to life in such a vivid way.

The book is both validating and educational, offering insights while also touching on deeply emotional moments. It is heartwarming and heartbreaking at the same time, a beautiful exploration of personal growth, resilience, and the human spirit. Highly recommend!

[Kelly Koster · Rating 5 out of 5]

Natasha Daniels turns the spotlight on herself in this memoir about her journey with social anxiety. The reason I find her so relatable and helpful is that she speaks from experience. From childhood into adulthood and into motherhood, she describes her journey with such honesty. For those who don’t understand anxiety, and would like to help a loved one navigate it better, this book will help you understand. If you yourself have anxiety you will feel seen, and feel empowered to defeat it. She doesn’t just treat other people, she experiences these things herself first hand, which I think gives her the upper hand in understanding how to help. She’s also raising anxious kids herself!! She GETS it!!!! She has been one of the most helpful people I’ve found online in our anxiety treatment journey. Hearing her life story was inspiring. She took her pain and frustration and she uses it to keep moving forward and to keep helping others. I know this book will continue to do that for so many. Thank you for opening your life and your heart to us Natasha. You truly have helped so many. ❤️

[Tara · Rating 5 out of 5]

Natasha beautifully tells her story of her own struggles with social anxiety and as I was reading it, I felt like she was having a conversation with me. She weaves together her childhood memories with her more recent memories in an easy to follow way that really helps to paint the picture of how social anxiety can take hold of one's life. I felt engaged and drawn to keep reading it. As a parent myself, who struggles with some level of social anxiety and have a kid that is more outgoing than me, this was wonderful for me to feel seen and validated. As a therapist, I will be suggesting this book to people I work with also that struggle with their own social anxiety or to loved ones supporting someone with social anxiety. Although not a self help book, it's a great memoir to help you feel seen and validated and a great way for those who don't know what it's like to be able to see the struggles those with social anxiety have. If you are on the fence, just read it!

[Ryan · Rating 4 out of 5]

An honest look at social anxiety, coming to terms with it, and the healing process from the perspective of someone who has made it the focus of her work because of how it has impacted her life.

Thanks to NetGalley and Jessica Kingsley Publishers for an ARC of this book.

[Meghan Halpin · Rating 5 out of 5]

I really just stumbled across this book through a podcast episode and thought it sounded interesting. Many of Natasha’s personal anecdotes from childhood through adulthood resonated with me. I also enjoyed how she told stories through the lens of speaking to her younger self. Very well done😌

[Lisa · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book spoke to my heart. If you have social anxiety, I highly recommend it.

[Amanda · Rating 5 out of 5]

I’ve struggled with social anxiety for most of my life. I used to think it was something I’d grow out of - you know, I’d wake up one day and be completely fine? I didn’t know any adults who struggled with it, so to me that meant it must eventually disappear. 🫠 I was so naive, so wrong, lol. I’m in my forties now and it’s worse than ever. I’ve read a few self help books over the years and they were fine, but they didn’t get too deep on social anxiety, they were geared more towards depression or trauma. Which are important topics, but my daily struggles are more with social anxiety. Natasha’s book is different though, reading it was like having someone in my head. Everything was relatable. I’m not even kidding when I say I highlighted passages on almost every single page! Lol I felt seen. I felt heard. I felt understood. It helps so much just knowing there are others who struggle with connection too, knowing I’m not alone in that way. And I love that she explained the difference between being an introvert and being socially anxious. As an introvert with social anxiety it’s really hard to know where one ends and the other begins, but she explains it well!

I’m so glad she wrote this book. She has given me a new perspective on myself, and she’s given me the tools I need to fight my own Paro (her name for her social anxiety.)

A few favorite highlights:

“Social anxiety is about the fear of rejection, the fear of being criticized or left out. It makes you think you don’t fit in. It can make you over-analyze every social interaction. It can make you doubt everything. It can make someone so worried about embarrassment or rejection that they eventually just want to avoid social interactions altogether.”

“I craved anonymity. I wanted to blend in like a chameleon on a green leaf. I wanted so desperately to just disappear.”

“What you might come to realize as time passes,” I began, choosing my words carefully, “is that you won’t ever feel that you are home, anywhere. That a part of you will always feel as if you are the guest or, worse, the imposter. But, in reality, that isn’t the case. It’s your perception that makes it so.”

“You have social anxiety. Social anxiety will always tell you that you don’t fit in. It will feed you lies about how you don’t belong.”

“I just repel people. I think I always have. I am not sure why, but I am just not the kind of person people want to be close friends with. If people had a choice in a group of people, I would be the last pick.”

“A sinking feeling started to creep in, like when the creepy music in a horror movie starts to play and you know something bad is about to happen.”

“I hated crowds, they always made me feel so self-conscious and overwhelmed.”

“Think, think. What would a normal person do? My mind drew a blank. No idea. I had never been normal.”

“I over-analyzed the night like only someone with social anxiety can do.”

“The goal isn’t for you to socialize more, you don’t even want that. The goal is for you to accept who you are and be comfortable in your own quiet skin, even when you are surrounded by a group of strangers,”