Squeaky Clean

Squeaky Clean #1

by Callum McSorley

WINNER OF THE McILVANNEY PRIZE for SCOTTISH CRIME NOVEL OF THE YEAR

FEATURES AN EXTRACT FROM THE NEXT ALISON MCCOIST THRILLER, PAPERBOY

'Amazingly accomplished' The Times, Crime Book of the Month

'Loved it'Kevin Bridges

'A talent to watch'Chris Brookmyre

'Very funny'Scotsman

'Pitch dark yet dripping with warmth'Caz Frear
__________

Half the Glasgow copshop think DI Alison McCoist is bent. The other half just think she's a fuck-up.

No one thinks much at all about carwash employee Davey Burnet, until one day he takes the wrong customer's motor for a ride.

One kidnapping later, he's officially part of Glasgow's criminal underworld, working for a psychopath who enjoys playing games like 'Keep Yer Kneecaps' with any poor bastard who crosses him.

Can Davey escape from the gang's clutches with his kneecaps and life intact? Perhaps this polis Ally McCoist who keeps nosing around the carwash could help. That's if she doesn't get herself killed first.

Genres: Crime, Scotland, Fiction, Mystery, Thriller, Procedural, Mystery Thriller

417 pages, Kindle Edition

First published January 1, 2023

About the author

Callum McSorley is a writer based in Glasgow. His debut thriller, SQEAKY CLEAN, was published to great acclaim in 2023 and went on to win the prestigious McIlvanney Prize for best Scottish Crime Book of the Year. His new novel, PAPERBOY, sees the return of SQUEAKY CLEAN's troubled detective, Alison 'Ally' McCoist, newly promoted but sadly no less despised by her peers.

Reviews

[Iain · Rating 5 out of 5]

Gangland Glasgow with a vein of dark humour running through it. A collection of misfits and life's losers - including our nominal hero DI McCoist - stumble their way through the novel failing to avoid any number of disasters and pitfalls. Strong language and strong dialect may not be to everyone's taste but help bring the characters to life - and the ending is a great setup for the soon-to‐be published sequel.

[Kate O'Shea · Rating 1 out of 5]

Thank God that's over.

I read this book because I'd requested Paperboy (the second in the series) from Netgalley. After this, I gave Paperboy 20 pages and returned it DNF'd. It appeared to be a re-run of this.

Davey Burnet works in a car wash. His life is a disaster. He is split from his girlfriend and they are at loggerheads regarding visitation to his daughter. If that wasnt bad enough the car wash has become the "go to" place for local hard man Paolo to bring his motors after they've been used for criminal activities - usually involving a lot of blood.

DI Alison McCoist's life is also a mess. She is in charge of all the rubbish jobs after she screwed up a previous case. So when she finds a criminal boss in her line of sight, she sees a chance for redemption.

This book starts with a fair amount of graphic violence and it doesn't really stop. Paolo, who is one sentence away from shrieking "Mwah ha ha" and getting a fluffy white cat, is one of the most irritating characters I've read in a while. He loves violence - there are bodies strewn in his wake - and when he isnt actually hurting people he is narrating how he would LIKE to hurt/kill people. My interest wore thin very quickly.

As if he wasnt bad enough we have DI Ali McCoist (an ongoing joke that was never particularly amusing) continually berating herself for messing up a previous case. If I heard "Knightley F***-Up" one more time I might have screamed.

This book is basically a predictable story held together with lots of swearing and even more violence.

I was bored by the end of the first third. It was repetitive in the extreme. No likeable characters - except maybe the dog. A friend said it was humorous- it didn't even raise a smile. I have no desire to read any more by this author.

[David · Rating 3 out of 5]

Bleak look into the violent underworld of Glasgow, but expertly woven together with humorous patter and wit. The two central characters are well developed and overflowing with domestic and work related issues. Packed full of glorious Glaswegianness.

[Sarah Smith · Rating 5 out of 5]

Funny, sharp, clever. An absolute cracker of a debut!

[Ross Cumming · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is Callum McSorley’s debut novel which has already been included on the long list for Bloody Scotland’s 2023 debut prize.
Davey Burnet works at a Glasgow car wash and his life is on a downward spiral. Working in a dead end job, separated from his wife and has limited access to his young daughter but things take an even worse turn when he borrows a local gangsters car with near fatal consequences.
D/I Alison ‘Ally’ McCoist has an unfortunate name for a Glasgow Detective but that’s the least of her troubles, as she also has a botched murder enquiry under her belt. Still attached to the Major Investigations Team but she gets allocated all the low level jobs that are deemed well below her rank. However her enquiries keep leading her back to the local car wash where Davy works and which is now under the control of the gang boss, who also may be the same person responsible for manipulating the evidence in McCoist’s murder case. As McCoist delves deeper in the dealings at the car wash, Davey finds his cleaning skills being utilised for more than just car cleaning. They both find that they and also their families are coming under threat and they must devise a way out of the clutches of the gang before it’s too late.
This novel starts out quite funny and initially lighthearted but it’s not long until the subject matter turns a lot darker. Davey finds himself exposed to the dark underworld dealings of people smuggling, enslaved prostitution, drug dealing, torture and ultimately murder. He does what he has to do to keep himself and his family safe but at the same time is working on an escape plan which he’s not entirely confident in. Alison on the other hand doesn’t know what she’s dealing with and has been warned off by a fellow officer but she thinks that by cracking this case it may be a way of redeeming herself and getting her career back on track. The novel is full of dark Glasgow humour but is also quite violent but it is genuinely thrilling, especially as we race towards the final showdown. I also found the scene where Alison is out walking her dog and suspects she is being followed to be particularly scary and that particular chapter has stayed with me !
As a debut it’s a cracking start for Callum McSorley and I look forward to his future publications.

[Natalie Mackay · Rating 3 out of 5]

I thoroughly enjoyed the story here, however, despite being Scottish, I struggled to understand what was being said most of them time and had to rely heavily on context.

3.5

[Joan · Rating 5 out of 5]

About as Glaswegian as it gets! Pretty good look into the underworld.

[Jen · Rating 4 out of 5]

Okay. So I will start by saying that I can totally see why this book won the crime novel of the year award. It is a wonderful piece of Tartan Noir - dark, gritty at times, but with a beautiful streak of dark humour that really kept me entertained and fully invested in the books central characters, the equally unlucky DI Ally McCoist and car wash master, Davey Burnett. This is a Glasgow gangland story, but perhaps not as you know it. It's not quite a turf war, but someone is definitely looking to make things very, very difficult for local crime boss, a legend in his own mind, Paul 'Paulo' McGuinn. Unfortunately for our two hapless heros, they find themselves slap bang in the middle of the whole sorry mess. I say unfortunately, but for Ally, a woman very much on the outside of the Police Scotland family, it could just be the route back to, if not glory, then at least tolerance, that she is looking for.

I don't know quite what I was expecting when I started reading the book, but I really enjoyed it. There is no-one, with perhaps the exception of Davey's friend and former colleague, Tim, who really had any what you might call redeeming qualities, but I enjoyed spending time with them anyway. Well, maybe that's being a little unfair to Davey. He loves his daughter, albeit that his family situation is best described as 'it's complicated'. If it wasn't for his lack of organization, lack of judgment, and the absolute desire to do the best by her, he might not quite have ended up in the mess he eventually winds up in. But there would be no fun for the reader in that. One bad mistake later and Davey, whose only real talent lies in his ability to clean up - cars, crime scenes, there is no end to that talent it seems - is caught between a rock and a hard place, and it is that conflict that drives the heart of the story.

As for Ally McCoist - and yes, that comparison does raise it's head many times - she is not your typical police hero. She's flawed, in all the best and worst ways, has as equally as challenging a home life as Davey and, it seems, just as much trouble on a professional front. She is, apparently, an animal lover - something that causes her a wealth of grief - so not all bad, although her actions on that front are not all virtuous, or legal ... I liked her. She's angry - understandably so at times - but she is determined, and against all the odds, more effective than her superiors believe her to be. I really liked the way in which the author has framed the relationship between our two central characters. They both want to do the right thing, and I do think that there is something they recognise in each other which you know will either be their salvation, or their undoing. You'll have to read the book to find out which.

This is a pretty pacy book, with scenes of real jeopardy, but not as dark as you might be expecting. Yes, Davey finds himself in more than the odd uncomfortable (understatement) predicament, and there are many aspects of the book which are completely objectionable. Paulo is, afterall, a crime boss. He doesn't earn his money from selling ice creams or cappuccinos, and there are very clear reasons why he aligns himself to a car wash and to people with a talent for leaving his motor showroom clean. There is sufficient violence, largely off the page, to establish Paulo as a man who takes no prisoners ... at least not ones who live for long. But for each moment of dark, there is a fraction of light in the banter and humour that Callum McSorley has infused in the story. As for the supporting cast of characters, Car Wash owner Sean, Tim, and Paulo's nephew, Colin, they add colour and texture to the book, wonderfully crafted and believable.

Now, just some advice to my none Scottish friends and followers, Squeaky Clean is very heavy on the Scottish/Glaswegian vernacular. I've spent a lot of time over the border over the years, north to south, east to west, so I like to think myself quite adaptable when it comes to translation of some of the colloquial phraseology, but it did take me a bit of time to find my flow, which meant that it took me longer to read than I expected. My brain, limited as it is, kept trying to translate it into 'English' as I read, slowing me down a touch, and when I just read the words as written, I knew what they meant (and any that I didn't are easily understood when fit into context of the scene), I found it much easier to settle into the book.

Please, whatever you do, do not let that put you off - you'll be missing a treat if you do. Give yourself time, let the narrative take you on a journey, and you will be find everything changes so much. You'll see less of the words themselves, and much more of the sentiment, danger and humour that makes the book a joy to read. I'm looking forward to seeing that the author serves up next.

[Len Northfield · Rating 4 out of 5]

Top notch Glesca Noir. Good story, great characters, proper job. Doesn’t feel remotely like a debut.

Looking forward to his next.

[Donna Morfett · Rating 4 out of 5]

I was at Bloody Scotland when Callum won the award for this. Unlike the Booker prizes etc, the winners of these awards are 100% going to be great reads.
I will admit that I almost gave up on this though. That's only down to the really heavy Scottish language in parts. I thought I had a fair grasp of some of the phrases, but nope!
However, I figured it was my problem, and the story had me hooked enough that I wanted to go back.
It starts off with the story of Davey who accidentally steals one of Glasgows most notorious crime bosses cars and crashes it, and finds himself in his debt.
Paulo McGuinn and his lazy nephew Colin take over the car wash Davey works at.
Then there is Alison McCoist, cast aside and ignored due to a mistake in her last case, who knows something dodgy is going on at the car wash and won't let it go.
I'm glad I finished this and it ends with a bang. The characters are brilliantly formed, I loved Davey, he wanted to do the right thing. He's one of life's losers, barely getting by.
Despite Paulo being the big bad gangster, it was lazy, arrogant, entitled Colin I disliked most.
There are a couple of little twists and red herrings along the way. You can't guess where it will possibly go next. A great read and I look forward to hearing more from this young man who clearly has a very bright future.

[Hobart · Rating 4 out of 5]

This originally appeared at The Irresponsible Reader. If you like this post, you might like others on that site. Consider checking it out!
---
WHAT'S SQUEAKY CLEAN ABOUT?
There are two characters that this book focuses on—although you can make the case that the number should be 4 or maybe 5, or... let's stick with two—just for the sake of keeping this post in check.

The first is DI Alison McCoist—after a case went south in a pretty spectacular way, she's been relegated to only the most basic of cases—things that barely call for police attention. Why? Well, she's either horribly incompetent, or she's corrupt. One of the two. Now, to be fair—after this, she does take a piece of evidence home with her.* But aside from that, from what we see early on, McCoist is a good detective who stumbled into some bad luck, and maybe got a little ahead of herself once.

Our other character is a guy named Davey Burnet. And it's really hard not to feel bad for him—not nearly as bad as he feels about himself, but still. He can't really hold a job down for long—although the job at a car wash is working out pretty well. Well, he can pay rent and the occasional toy for his young daughter (on the rare occasions he's allowed to see her).

Okay, I lied—we need to also talk about Paul "Paulo" McGuinn. He's a criminal into this and that—and, occasionally, a few other things. He starts frequenting the car wash and starts doing a little business with it and through it. After a really stupid move by Davey (that goes wronger than anyone could've expected), Davey becomes an indentured servant of sorts. This is not something he wants, and he actively looks for a way out of—I mean, he doesn't want to become a grass. But aside from that...

Still, there's this detective who keeps dropping by because of something else...

* And when you read about her doing it, you will kind of root for her.

THE GLASGOW OF IT
It's been a long time since I sounded out words as I read—aloud or in my head. But this book had me doing that constantly—sometimes I'd have to take 2-3 runs at a word before I could really hear it correctly. But somehow, this didn't slow me down at all—in fact, it felt like it sped up my reading (I'm pretty sure I didn't). But man, you couldn't accidentally skim something, either—I had to pay attention to it all, just to make sure I didn't miss something.

Here's a little snippet to show you what I mean—I'll have you all know, it took a bit of work to get something this long without any "adult language."

McCoist held her ID closer and he snatched it right out of her hand—held it up to his nose. McCoist found herself going for the CS spray in her pocket, fingers gripping the small tin, palms starting to sweat.

“Detective Inspector Alison McCoist right enough.” He looked between her picture and her face like a doorman, feigned familiarity in his voice. “Good name fir a polis in Glesga.” He handed the card back. “Yer pals call ye Ally?”

“No.” Emphatic, humourless, “There's been a report of someone squatting in this office.”

"Is it the bloke oer the hall? That web designer. He never goes hame.” He grated out a laugh.

“Could you tell me your name, sir?” McCoist got her notepad and pen, having to let go of the pepper spray.

"Bootin oot squatters is a bit below yer pay grade is it no? Fir a detective, a mean.”

“Sir. Name, please.”

"Am just tryin tae get some work done here,”

"What kind of work?”

“The honest kind. A promise."

“Can I come in?”

" No.” He didn't even pretend to think about it.

“I can come back with a warrant to search the premises."

“Al huv the kettle ready when ye dae.”

(this was such a pain for me to proofread)

WHY DID I PICK THIS UP? WHY DID I KEEP READING?
I heard a couple of crime writers on a podcast—actually I think it was 3-4 people on different podcasts—talking about how much they were looking forward to the third book in this series coming out a couple of months ago. Their praise of the earlier books and excitement made me think it was worth checking out.

The Prologue was intriguing, and the first couple of chapters' voice drew me in. By the time Davey made his critical mistake, I was hooked. And each chapter drew me in further. The combination of twisted humor; pathos; and gritty, gritty crime is executed so well, McSorley writes with the confidence of someone like Ian Rankin.

WHAT DOES THIS BOOK TELL US ABOUT HUMANITY
It's really hard to get too deep into this without talking about just about everything I shouldn't talk about with people who haven't read the book.

But I'm going to say the biggest commentary on humanity that this novel has to offer is about the universality of hope—and how that drives our actions. McCoist believes she can do something to earn her way out of the doghouse with her superiors and colleagues. She also hopes that she can establish a good relationship with her kids. Davey hopes he can find moderate success, straighten up his life, and get more access to his daughter—and, who knows, win her mom back, too. There are several other characters I should mention here, but again, stuff you need to read for yourself.

I guess one exception is Paulo—I don't see hope for him at all. He's so convinced that he's got control of things that he doesn't need to think about hope or anything. He just wants money and power; that's really all he can think of. Exception that proves the rule? (probably not, but I don't want to rethink this section too much)

SO, WHAT DID I THINK ABOUT SQUEAKY CLEAN?
McSorley is just a fantastic writer—again, the way he balances humor, pathos, and the grittiest of crimes—mixing noir sensibilities with a bit of the absurd, and heart. It's just fantastic.

These characters—from the several I didn't talk about to the three I did, are all so well drawn you can imagine having conversations with them off-page. You can practically hear each voice thanks to the way McSorley does dialogue.

The way that the plot moves and turns is another example of a writer running on all cylinders—even when you think you know how the next couple of chapters—if not the whole book—is going to go. You'll either be wrong, or so thrown by something he throws at you that you'll get a surprise or two—and maybe start to doubt yourself. It's really not until the last couple of pages that you can be confident in what he's got up his sleeve. I just love that.

I really can't think of a negative about this novel—at least not one worth talking about.

This is one of the strongest Crime Novels I've read this year—and will likely retain that ranking. Although I do have the sequel, and it might challenge this one. Squeaky Clean is one to check out for sure.

[Rhian Eleri · Rating 4 out of 5]

First of all, this book is written so very well , it's not an easy task making a crime thriller funny!
Don't get me wrong, there's violence and tragedy and all the things you expect in a crime thriller, but somehow, the author manages to bring out the giggles from within haha.

'...less than silence - the sound of five pairs of buttocks clenching tight...' 😆

This is fast and furiously fun story, set mostly in a car wash, in the backstreets of Glasgow.

Working in the car wash is a group of loveable misfits who go about their days dodging the law and causing havoc. Davey is one of these men, and it's not long until he finds himself involved in something he really doesn't need to be! How on earth has he been mixed up in this criminal underground!? Enter our female detective DI Ally MCcoist !

'...wit's the matter wae ye?" Sean asked. "Yer rattlin like skeletons shaggin in a biscuit tin"...'

Ally is a brilliant character, juggling her way through family life and career goals, this case is her making! Or is it!?

The first in a series, I can see DI MCcoist becoming a favorite detective for crime thriller lovers, watch this space.

[Andy Weston · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is McSorley’s debut novel and it went on to win the McIlvanney Prize for Scottish crime novels in 2023.
It’s well done, with well-timed moments of dark humour amidst its dark backbone. As a Glasgow police officer, Detective Inspector Alison McCoist has many obstacles in her path, not least her poor relationship with her superiors. She arrested the wrong man for the murder of a pregnant prostitution, and has only just hung on to job, moved down the ranks.

The car wash which her twin teenagers use, who live with her ex-husband, takes her interest, through a series of believable coincidences, and it isn’t long before she is drawn into the local drug scene and one particularly unpleasant boss.

McSorley’s writing is easy to read, and the personalities of his characters emerge steadily; they comes across as real people who the reader cares about. Key to the plot also, is young Davey, who works at the car wash, s Davey, something of an anti-hero. He has made plenty of mistakes in his life, but is now trying to keep his head down, go to court to obtain visitation rights to see his young daughter and get back on the straight and narrow.

[Tom Ferguson · Rating 5 out of 5]

Wahoo I didn’t not expect this!
For a first time author this is exceptional.
Violent and dark plot, offset with humour and great characters - Davey is a walking disaster but a good guy at heart.
He navigates the hell of the Glasgow underworld with Kingpin Paulo wreaking havoc all around. Meantime the calamity detective Alison ‘Ally’ McCoist is on the case.
If you are a fan of Christopher Brookmyre then this book is definitely for you.
If you are a fan of the BBCs Line of Duty you will love it.
A deserving winner of the Mcilvaney Award, will be keeping a close eye on Callum McSorley!

[Maria · Rating 3 out of 5]

Well, this author certainly have in this book the longest sentences I have ever read. I am sure I missed some of the dialogue because of the conversational writing style of the book paired with strong Glaswegian dialect, I cannot imagine listening to the audiobook.

This was an endless parade of desperate and truly depressing individuals, with a painstakingly slow pace and a really disheartening view of humankind. I am sorry to say I am giving up on this series that although was well written, it was so depressing that left me looking for a humorous book to lift me up.

[Simon Gosden · Rating 5 out of 5]

A superb piece of Glasge noir. Davey works in a car wash and one day he borrows local gangster Paul McGuinn’s motor and gets kidnapped. The ensuing story is one of violence, intrigue and double cross as DI Ally McCoist tries to make sense of of it all. The use of the local vernacular is perfect. A great story, well told.

[Chris-Cuddy · Rating 4 out of 5]

The pages turn with ease in this tartan noir crime thriller. Caught in the middle between Glasgow gangsters and the police, carwash cleaner Davey boy must do whatever it takes to stay alive. A staggeringly brilliant debut sprinkled with deadly dark humour.

[Doug · Rating 1 out of 5]

Miserable. Written in “local color” dialect, Scotland, when characters speak, it isn’t Huckleberry Finn.

Claustrophobic due to spending most of the book with miserable characters doing dumb and horrible stuff.

Read half and didn’t like anyone. Life is too short to spend more time here.

[Simon Taylor · Rating 2 out of 5]

Glssgow's least favourite detective is... barely in it. For the first 100 pages, nothing happens. Then, nothing happens. Some witty banter, but otherwise dull as watching a washed car dry.

[Lynn · Rating 5 out of 5]

Likeable characters doing horrible things, sums up this first novel in a series. The writing is fast-paced and the conversations written as spoken in Scots English, so you do have to pay attention and/or read them aloud initially, as I did, not being from Scotland. Eventually, the rhythm of the conversations come more easily. I liked the ne’er do well protagonist, Davey, who works in a car wash and his sidekick, Tim, and gaffer, Sean. The DCI, Alison McCoist, failed badly on a previous investigation. That, and more back stories, are revealed in bits as the main tale moves along. The author has a knack for authentic dialogue and in creating compelling characters. I look forward to reading the next book in the series (which is excerpted at the end of this novel).

[Richard Hoare · Rating 5 out of 5]

Sometimes you just need a crime novel and this one didn't disappoint. Plenty of noir dialogue, with a gritty, Glaswegian sense of humour and accents which need deciphering on the page. The main characters, Detective Inspector Ally McCoist and car wash operative Davey, are wonderfully out of their depth in the gangster world, family relationships and frankly, everyday life. However they retain enough humanity and integrity for you to be rooting for them, as the hoodlums and losers around them meet their inevitably grisly ends. A satisfyingly tense finale which restores some kind of order in the world and pleasingly, leaves the way open for sequels.

[Ross · Rating 5 out of 5]

Really enjoyed this. Big cast of characters but all well realised and you won't get them mixed up. Short chapters give it a pacy feel. Blends a lot of perspectives into the overarching plot with ease. Looking forward to the sequel.

[Lesley McLean · Rating 4 out of 5]

Squeaky Clean by @callumrmcsorley

McILVANNEY PRIZE for SCOTTISH CRIME NOVEL OF THE YEAR 2023

I’m not sure how old Callum is, he looks like a boy in his photos (I’m getting old) - and this was his debut novel!!! How?!
Despite my jealousy, I loved Squeaky Clean. It’s funny in the way The Sopranos was - one minute you’re laughing and onside with the characters, the next you realise what you’re laughing at and how bad they actually are.

DI Alison (Ally) McCoist has messed up big time and no one trusts her. Carwash employee Davey Burnet has messed up too, and it’s going to change his life forever.

There’s kidnapping, murder, prostitution… the worst of Glasgow’s underworld. Can Davey escape its clutches? Can Ally put away the psycho at the head of it all? I couldn’t stop turning the pages to find out and can’t wait for the sequel next year.

Thanks to @netgalley for a copy to review in my own words

#SqueakyClean #bookreview #book #fiction #reading #thriller #glasgow #crimefiction #scottishwriting #recommendation

[Translator Monkey · Rating 5 out of 5]

What a book. The Glaswegian dialect slowed me down a bit in the beginning, but it was easy to get used to in no time. Great read.

[Lynne Aubrey · Rating 5 out of 5]

I really thought I would struggle with the broad Glaswegian but after the first chapter it all fell into place.
Laugh out loud humour, dark in places with great characters, really looking forward to reading more from this author. A great debut novel.

[Linda · Rating 4 out of 5]

Tartan noir from Glasgow. Loved the accents and likeable characters. as well as some gangland hoodlums. a good read.

[Amy Scott · Rating 5 out of 5]

Really good! Some scenes are quite heavy but made it seem real. Love the mention of EK of course

[Steven · Rating 4 out of 5]

Very dark and violent, but with an undercurrent of humour. Nice to have a new Scottish crime fiction author on the scene. Wasn't sure if i was going to read the second book, but think i am just intrigued enough to see what the fallout of all this is.

[Tracey Keir · Rating 3 out of 5]

Brutal. Going to go on to something more fluffy I can read before bedtime!

[Lynda · Rating 4 out of 5]

Tough read of the gangland underworld of Glasgow. Undercover police, broad Glasgow dialect, violence, strong language- a hard brutal coarse debut for McSorley.

Introducing female DI Alison McCoist- Ally McCoist… a brand of humour threaded through this…

Not an easy read- full of criminal, harsh, life in the street gutters…. Tough…