Not My Thing: Betrayal, Redemption, and a Therapist Who Bends the Rules

by Eric Ward

Renee is stunned when Colin tells her he wants a divorce. As a last-ditch effort save their marriage she turns to Dr. Jason Kincaid, an eccentric therapist who specializes in helping couples whose relationships are at risk. What Renee doesn’t know is that Colin has his own agenda for agreeing to therapy. It’s an agenda driven by secrets, and he’s determined not to reveal them. Will Jason’s irreverent approach to counseling help save their marriage? Or will he simply be the first stop on their road to divorce?If you had the opportunity to be a fly on the wall of a therapist’s office, would you take it? In “Not My Thing” the author invites the reader into the inner sanctum of the counseling office, offering a behind the scenes view of what motivates couples to seek out therapy and what happens when they do. “Not My Thing” is a work of fiction, and yet it isn’t. It is an improvisation of the stories from the many clients helped by the author in his thirty years of professional practice. Readers are given an intimate peek at the hope for reconciliation hurting people bring to therapy. Some couples do the work and succeed. Others have alternative motives and don’t.

207 pages, Kindle Edition

Published October 13, 2023

Reviews

[VoraciousReader · Rating 3 out of 5]

1. What a selfish piece of $hit Colin was. He decided that he wanted a divorce because after both working part time AND taking care of their toddler all day, his wife, Renee, was too tired to have $ex as often as he wanted. He said, “I want things to go back to how they were when we first got married. I want all the fun and the $ex and the absence of boring obligations and daily stress.” He often fantasized what his life would be like if his wife and daughter just "disappeared".
2. The only reason that Colin agreed to go to a marriage counselor was so that he didn’t “have to be the bad guy” and didn’t have to feel guilty. He admitted to himself that he didn’t want to save his marriage. He just wanted out so that he could start a relationship with Jen from his office.
3. Yeah, I don’t believe for a second that there is any way marriage counseling can succeed when one partner doesn’t want to be there and doesn’t even want to save the marriage.
4. I felt like a big reason why Colin backed off from pursuing a relationship with Jen was because of what Tim told him about her and also because of the ultimatum she gave him, not because he didn’t want her or because he wanted to stay married to Renee.
5. Yeah, I almost DNF at 48% when Colin said to himself, “I haven’t even done anything wrong”.
6. “I don’t like the word affair being used to describe any part of me or anything I’ve done in the last several months.” Boo f*cking hoo. Guilt is a b*tch, ain’t it?
7. “No happy spouse who is in a meaningful, fulfilling relationship randomly gets up and decides to cheat.” I call bull$hit.
8. At 60%, when Colin told his mother about the problems in his marriage, he talked about how neglected he’d felt and how Renee allowed her family to monopolize her and then, almost as an afterthought, he mentioned how he had had an emotional affair with someone in his office. It seemed, even then, that he believed that Renee was more at fault.
9. 70% of the way through the book and Colin is still lying to Renee about Jen. He lied to her (by omission) and let her think that he had “cut off all contact with her”. He didn’t bother to tell her that they were going away together on a business trip.
10. When Colin finally told Renee that Jen would be going out of town with him on a business trip, Renee's reaction was completely unrealistic. She was WAY too calm and accepting.
11. Although Colin did decide to stay in his marriage, I can't say that I believe the counselling was a success. At 84%, when Colin panicked when Jen tried to approach him, it showed that he was still way too emotionally attached to her. Even at 93%, Colin admitted to himself that he still spent way too much time thinking about Jen, both at work and at home.

[Cindy · Rating 5 out of 5]

This! Highly recommend!
Has elements fitting of of Romance (yes,HEA), but whose worth is amplified via its seamless adjunct functions of in depth psychological study and therapy based advice.No worries though,as it reads as a novel!This offers an intricate complex tale of marital discord from male pov.
Explicit in its honesty as blatant,painful and revelatory male thought process, it is both illuminating and heartbreaking ...and eventually inspiring an uplifting!
We follow this retelling of relationship from courtship to marriage through an emotional affair to an announcement of intent to leave .Then only due to pressure from his wife who is currently unaware of his ongoing EA ,they seek therapeutic intervention in attempt to perhaps save a crumbling marriage that once flourished.

Offers relationship data in multiplicity with such invaluable gems as support and maintenance of both sexual and emotional intimacy in marriage...and how to differentiate. So much relationship benefit built into the saga!
Fyi for interested parties, has significant ow drama\manipulation!

To.Eric, the author...well done sir! ❤
As I believe this deserves attention, I have posted in multiple FB reading groups!

[Sewster · Rating 4 out of 5]

I’ve read a lot of marriage-in-crisis and cheating books. Most of the time the counseling gets glossed over if it appears at all. I’m not sure I would have enjoyed this book as much a year ago before I dove into that trope because this book doesn’t have much drama.

I enjoyed the peek into the marriage counseling process. It felt realistic.

[Dre]

Not sure how I feel about this one. I think I needed to get in Renee's head as well. I don't ever think cheating is ok; I think if you're not happy in your relationship, you don't just have a secret relationship with someone else. You end your current relationship, then pursue one with the other person. And while I understand that Colin was a raging douche in this by having an emotional affair with a coworker, and by only agreeing to therapy to not seem like a bad guy, Renee was also to blame. I totally get how hearing your spouse was having an emotional affair and rented an apartment for he and his new woman and all of that was hard, and then to have to hear that you had part of the blame I'm sure made things worse for you, but I don't feel like she was really open to hearing that. And yes, his oh poor me cuz my relationship isn't as exciting, and there's a baby, and I work a lot, and everyone's tired but I still wanna have sex all the time was ridiculous because that's how relationships work. Of course everything's so exciting and wonderful at the beginning, but lasting relationships are actual work. And I know everyone wants to blame him and talk about how terrible he is, and I agree that what he did was terrible, esp the going to therapy to just not be the bad guy, BUT there were multiple times where it was mentioned that he did talk to her about things, and she ignored him. He did talk to her about her family always just showing up and always being around. He did talk to her about how he felt neglected, and yes I understand she was working part time, taking care of their child and the home, so she was exhausted. But if you just ignore what he's telling you, what exactly did you think would happen? How about be an adult and talk to him as he talked to you? Communication is a two way street. I got really frustrated with Renee because she didn't seem to want to address her own part in this whole thing, and even at the end, her family was still showing up even if they agreed to call beforehand. I think this is an easy fix. I don't honestly care that she thinks it's so great that she has a big family and they're all super close and just show up and hang out all the time; she could have easily said call before showing up, and don't expect to show up and be welcome. We'll let you know when you call whether it's ok to come over or not, then she could have easily cut down on the time they spent at her home. Or why couldn't the large family hang out at someone else's house if Colin didn't want them at his home all the time? Like I just think this should've been such a quick and easy issue to resolve after therapy, but it was only sort of resolved, and this also would've been an easy way to have more time with just the three of them, and for her to feel less tired because she wasn't entertaining family. Seems like a big missed opportunity.

I also agree with another review where they said that Colin panicking when Jen was walking toward him in the hotel lobby during their business trip was a problem. He was so scared to be alone with her that he had to call his wife. And honestly, good for him for recognizing he couldn't handle being alone with her, but him not being able to be alone with her should be a red flag. Either he wants to salvage his marriage, and he needs to face Jen since they'll obviously have to continue working together, and he needs to tell her that he's no longer interested, and she needs to back off, or he'll be filing a harassment claim. Otherwise, he's going to have to hide and call his wife until one of them moves on to a new company or gets fired.

[Roxane · Rating 4 out of 5]

Great, but a little quick

I love reading marriage in crisis stories. Most of them in my experience really aren't that good. This one was good and i would recommend it to people who read those kinds of stories. But i wouldn't call it great.
Spoilers:


The book is all from Colin's POV. At the beginning he is planning to leave his Wife and child to be with another woman. He hasn't begun the physical relationship with the OW yet, but boy he wants to. He has been planning it for months. I thought he was a selfish jerk. He finally gets up the courage to tell his wife he's moving out, but she counters with an appeal they go to counseling. He only agrees to go so he won't look like an a$$ when he does leave. The counseling part and the couple's journey of self discovery were very good. Maybe if the book had been longer (less than 200 pages) it wouldn't have seemed rushed. Well, not all of it was rushed, just Colin getting on board with the therapy and abandoning his plans to leave Renee and get an apartment so he and Jen could be together. They do end up with a better, more satisfying marriage at the end. Although I still don't like Colin! Maybe it's just because he thinks like a man! 😆
I did enjoy the book and will probably read it again.
In the world of marriage in crisis books, it's better than most.

[Lori Self · Rating 5 out of 5]

thought provoking

What a good book! Although fictional, the author lets you know the events are drawn from his real life practice as a mental health practitioner. I really really liked it being the male pov. How many crisis could we avoid if we only understood the other person’s perspective?

Having been married almost 34 years and have what we think of as a great marriage and relationship it was a confirmation of things we’ve done to make us stronger and a reminder for things to improve on. I’m already searching for the authors other books!

[Sarah King · Rating 5 out of 5]

wow

Boy talk about misjudging a book by its cover! I thought the book was absolutely awesome, I came very close not reading because of the cover and the title gave me the impression of being a little too trashy for my taste boy I was so so wrong and I was extremely happy I did.

[Diedre · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is a great illustration of what happens in a guy's head when he as a husband begins to think about leaving his wife and conjures up all sorts of reasons to leave and then being hit with the reality of his decisions when he voices out loud to someone else what he is planning on doing. How the dynamics change from fantasy and deceit to real life reality. What an awesome counselor this story depicts in his attempt to help this couple. One of the best marriage in trouble/counseling books I've read. All of the tips, pointers, principles and honest confrontations are rich in helping to navigate marriages to their desired haven. Keeping it in my repertoire of books on this subject! It was poignant, humorous, insightful and just a delight to read!