Gender: Your Guide, 2nd Edition: The Gender-Friendly Primer on What to Know, What to Say, and What to Do in the New Gender Culture

by Lee Airton

Be a part of the ever-evolving conversation around gender and discover how to navigate gender diversity in today’s families, communities, and workplaces in this updated edition that is “an invaluable resource for both new and veteran allies” ( Library Journal , starred review).

Gender is now a global conversation, and one that is constantly evolving. More people than ever before are openly living their lives as transgender men or women, and many transgender people are coming out as neither men nor women, instead living outside the binary. Gender is changing, and this change is gaining momentum.

From the differences among gender identity, gender expression, and sex, to the use of gender-neutral pronouns like singular they/them to thinking about your own participation in gender, Your Guide, 2nd Edition serves as a complete primer to all things gender. Guided by professor and gender diversity advocate Lee Airton, PhD, learn how gender works in everyday life; how to use accurate terminology to refer to transgender, nonbinary, and/or gender nonconforming individuals; and how to ask when you aren’t sure what to do or say. It provides you with the information you need to talk confidently and compassionately about gender diversity, whether simply having a conversation or going to bat as an advocate. In this updated edition, Dr. Airton explores updated definitions of intersex people, conversion therapy bans, transgender students in sports, online and social community discussions, updated pop culture references, and much more.

Just like gender itself, being gender-friendly is a process for all of us. Your Guide, 2nd Edition invites everyone on board to make gender more flexible and less a source of more joy, and less harm, for everyone.

Genres: Nonfiction, LGBT, Gender, Queer, Social Justice, Gender Studies, Adult

256 pages, Paperback

Published June 4, 2024

Reviews

[Molly · Rating 5 out of 5]

Everyone should read this book. Gender is so important and having a no-nonsense guide can really help us all to be better to our fellow humans.

[MD · Rating 3 out of 5]

I got some good information from this book such as suggestions on gender-neutral words and a little better understanding of the transgender spectrum. Unfortunately I became increasingly annoyed by the book’s preachiness and after page 166 just started skimming.

Also annoying was quoting of couple of linguists here and there as “proof” of something. You could just as easily find two linguists who would disagree on the interpretation, if not the facts. I thought this unnecessarily undermined some of the statements the author made.
(Update: I decided to see if I could find any comments from renowned linguist and social activist Noam Chomsky on gender. All I found was this:
“And I think in the US some...say people should start saying "they" instead of he or she in case a person is trans. What do you think about this?
Chomsky: It’s a bit of a nuisance, but if people think it’s important, OK”)

I had a tough time deciding on a rating for this book. I think it might be extremely helpful if someone super-close to you is trans and non-binary. Otherwise - well maybe in spite of the problems I had with it, it’s the best that’s available now. It would be nice to find something less focused on non-binary and maybe a little less “prescriptive” (author’s word) and more supportive.

[Lauren Chase · Rating 4 out of 5]

A great resource. If you, or someone you know, is baffled by how our culture's understanding of gender is evolving (beyond the binary, use of gender neutral and neo-pronouns, etc.) this book is a good place to start. Its down-to-earth and accessible. There are a couple of sections that dive deeper into linguistics and grammar that I skimmed, but I'm sure someone will find it interesting and useful. This is a thoughtful resource that broadened my perspective, dispelled common myths, provided tools for dealing with tricky situations and negative people, and gave me practical tools for being more inclusive.

[Holly (bibliophiles_bookstagram) · Rating 5 out of 5]

Conversations have to happen in today’s world regarding gender! It isn’t acceptable to say that it won’t affect you, if you have people in your life, then you’re affected!

There were many key points in this book that I have to remember, as well as strategies to try, and language to continue working on.

-“ I am more interested in people being able to live gender in diverse ways with happiness then in forceable conformity in the service of a rigid two category system.”

-“ UCLA researchers found in 2017 that 27% of kids ages 12 to 17 are gender nonconforming.”

-“Agenda friendly world is the world of gender abundance and gender joy, whether ones joy resounds in masculinity, femininity, both, or neither.”

-“ in March 2017, reporters contacted 20 law-enforcement agencies and states with gender identity anti-discrimination legislation and found no reported instances of assault by transgender people after the legislation took effect.”

-“ You have two opportunities to get it right; before you make a mistake, and after you make a mistake.”


I read this book because I’m an educator, and kids more and more are identifying with different genders. If I can be someone they trust, someone for them to come to, and someone to offer support, I want to be this person for them! We ALL need to be this person!!!

I pledge to be this person!

“May welcome all of the ways that your students do gender and greet this abundance with Karen enthusiasm. Where the thriving gender diversity in your classroom as a badge of honor and pride.”

[Arin Goswami · Rating 5 out of 5]

Great resource for anyone that's interested in the trans experience, how performative gender is, and how to navigate our contemporary gender culture. Lee paints a great picture of their own experiences, and allows us to learn from it.

Definitely recommend.

[Rick · Rating 4 out of 5]

I did not learn a lot of new information here, but my own experience should not detract from the overall usefulness and ease of reading that this book presents to readers. It is a great starting point for anyone who feels unfamiliar with the gender spectrum, and gives great tips on helping to make the world more friendly for all genders and gender expressions. I appreciate that books like this are being written. The world would be a better place if everyone was willing to educate themselves through books like this, and make an effort to put what they learned into practical actions.

[Tomislav · Rating 3 out of 5]

This brief and introductory book was recommended to me. There was little I had not already heard or read elsewhere, at least to a superficial level. So, no jaw-droppers. The author takes a kind and relatable approach in describing to a non-trans audience the social issues involved with knowing and respecting transgender people. After very light coverage of the what and why, it emphasizes primarily changing pronoun and language usage, along with both verbal and non-verbal communication tips. They definitely left me feeling somewhat talked-down to.

It is really only applicable to North American English speakers. I am now a little curious about what is happening in other languages, such as those with fully gendered nouns.

Part One – What To Know
Part Two – What To Say
Part Three – What To Do

[Liv · Rating 5 out of 5]

A very accessible book on how to become more gender-friendly (read: gender-inclusive) in everyday life. I really appreciated Dr. Airton's straightforward tone and underlying compassion. Highly recommend if you're trying to educate yourself on how to act/speak/be around a trans or nonbinary friend, family member, or coworker -- or if you just want to become more aware of the ways gender shapes the spaces in your life. The most helpful piece of advice I walked away with was Lee's mantra that "The goal isn't to make no mistakes; it's to make better mistakes."

[emma · Rating 5 out of 5]

I was already aware of almost everything that this book talked about, but it’s a good started for people who have barely any knowledge about the transgender community.

There is one sentence which bothered me though. The author referred to sexuality and gender as two piles of cards which can be mixed in any way possible. But this isn’t true, ie. you can’t be a lesbian and a man because they contradict each other. It would’ve been easy to change the sentence to ‘almost any combination is possible’.

[Claire (Book Blog Bird) · Rating 4 out of 5]

This was useful, and even though I have a kid who is non binary and I consider myself to be pretty informed and supportive it made me think more closely about how gendered some of the things I do and say are still. The only reason it missed a star was because the writing was slightly flat.

[Cindy Waugh · Rating 5 out of 5]

A must read for those of you who want to be a co-conspirator!

I am learning so much about the LGBTQIA+ community and myself.

The bathroom story just did me in! People are DUMB! Once you read, that comment will make more sense.

[Jenna · Rating 4 out of 5]

I feel so unknowledgeable!

[Heather · Rating 4 out of 5]

Good intro to the shifts in gender & sexual diversity that have / are evolving - including personal pronouns, etc. As someone who grew up in the 80s and lives in the Midwest, this book helped me be more informed & aware of some of the cultural shifts and more appropriate and current terms / references. The author is trans and a professor.

[Daphné]

This book offers a lot of information and tools to understand and participate in creating a gender-friendly environment where everyone is comfortable.

I really appreciated the light tone, the examples and images used in the explanations. I believe it makes it accessible to everyone and also, much easier to get through since non-fiction can take me much longer to read than fiction.

I am not rating this book simply because I do not feel comfortable giving a number to the LGBTQ+ question and I do not appreciate fiction and non-fiction the same way.

[Heather · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is exactly what it claims to be. It’s a strong starting point for anyone who wants to be more gender friendly all around. There’s an entire section on pronouns as well as word choices for traditionally gendered greetings.
I love that this points out that non-binary has been a thing for a really long time. This is not a “new” concept for people. While our language may not have accommodated this in the past, it certainly does now and it’s time to be aware that gender is and will always be fluid.

I’d highly recommend this to anyone who wants to be an advocate or is struggling with their own identification.

[moxieBK · Rating 5 out of 5]

Gender: Your Guide — Lee Airton (Preface + Introduction + 3 parts with 9 titled chapters + Coda) March 20-April 13, 2021

First, I recommend everyone read this from beginning to end. Do not skip the preface nor the introductions. The book is then split into three parts with 3 chapters per each part and a coda at the Duet. The book then ends with a chapter about the author and a chapter on resources. Second, this should be required reading for all. Let me make myself clear: READ THIS BOOK! It’s short; can be read in an afternoon; and the author has a great way of approaching the subject and making a connection with the reader that don’t come off feeling uncomfortable. Well, maybe the last part isn’t exactly true for everyone, but it was true with me.

I work in academia, and it has become custom to place pronouns in parenthesis after your name. I had resisted doing this because I’d rather present myself as gender-neutral. I am one sex and proud of it, but I do not like to advertise it. This book helped me realize why it is important and why I shouldn’t feel uncomfortable with it.

Despite the fact that it should have been a short, quick read, this book has been anything but. I think it caused me to stop and think a lot about different passages the author addressed. It was uncomfortable at times. But it is the uncomfortable that pushes us to grow and for that I am glad I read it.

Five stars.

[Mark · Rating 2 out of 5]

Not Satisfied

So I see this as an okay book by find some issues. As a trans man pronouns are imprtant to me to explain to people that I am a guy. One thing I find hard with pronouns is when there is so many. I am in the camp of he/she/them. I have read books by those who have used other neo-prouns. The hard thing is as even mentioned by the author is that it confusing. Three examples were given. All having different pronouncations, so unless your on knowing of multiple ways ts very hard to read let alone incorporate in real life.

It could be me. It could be based on the ways I learned things but having one set of pronouns for nonbinary persons. I see that in this way. Clear communication. Clear way to include come thing that as mentioned has always been in the English language. I don't wish to come off rude and if I am I am sorry.

What I did like about this book that it did go over ways to incorporate ways to make inclusiveness. I do some of these things in my life and plan to add more in my life.

This book did redundant at times though so there was that. All and all if you want an utterly overly explained basic way of learning to be more inclusive it's a book for you. I think needed a little more complex book.

[Krayfish1 · Rating 3 out of 5]

I was looking for a short, friendly primer on the state of trans activism and got a short, friendly primer on the language and social changes that many trans activists would like to see become more mainstream. Not exactly the same thing, but close enough.

[Maryann · Rating 3 out of 5]

I picked this book up to consider ideas to use as a professor, especially in light of discussions in my first year seminar on gender.

[Naomi Ruth · Rating 3 out of 5]

This book had a lot of good information, but it wasn't quite what I was expecting. It was more of a guide for cis-gendered people, and I was looking for kind of the opposite. Still, worth the read.

[The Great Asπ e · Rating 3 out of 5]

Dr. Airston seeks to educate those who are behind on the times and can't really navigate themselves through this culture and society with the prominence and controversy over gender and sex.

[Shrub · Rating 4 out of 5]

*My "reviews" are more just little collections of personal thoughts so if you're looking for a comprehensive and meaningful review of this book I would look elsewhere.

7/10

- I really appreciated the simple and non-academic way this was written, it was very accessible.
- At times it got a bit dry but it at least wasn’t overly complicated. The ideas presented are very easy to understand.
- There were however quite a lot of anecdotes sprinkled throughout which made the book feel more personal and interesting.
- I think it does a good job of being a good introduction on transgender and gender expression issues, especially for the more unfamiliar. I personally already knew most of the things brought up in this book, but it was good to have all those ideas collated in one place and presented by someone who falls under the transgender umbrella (Dr Airton is nonbinary to be exact).
- I like that it provided tips on how to be more accommodating to gender diversity, though I wish it spent a bit more time breaking down the science and history of transgender people and gender diversity, since I found that part quite interesting.

[Sarah · Rating 4 out of 5]

I'd been looking for a book that dug into the science of gender, and picked this up on a whim at the public library thinking it might meet that need. It didn't, really; just validated knowledge I'd already acquired. When I got to the pronoun chapter though, that's where I really geeked out. Airton calls in legit linguists to explore what is - to me - the most interesting part of gender in our culture: pronouns. That chapter digs into various gender neutral pronouns, how to use them, strategies to practice using them, and just some really geeky language stuff that I greatly enjoyed.

I would definitely recommend this to any "new" non-binary/transgender allies, but also to ANYONE. PERIOD. Because gender is a spectrum for ALL of us, whether we identify as trans, non-binary, or cisgender, and this book gives tips for creating a more gender-friendly world for EVERYONE.

[Kate Hanley · Rating 5 out of 5]

Really helpful, insightful and illuminating, and totally has me thinking differently about pronouns (and more confident in switching up the ones I use). Not necessarily a gripping read (if I weren't doing a challenge to read a book a week and I weren't a couple books behind I probably would not have plowed through to the end), but something it's good to have on hand and refer back to. Great resource for anyone who has a job working with kids, in a medical practice, or any job where you deal with the public a lot and you feel like you need a tutorial in how to keep up with changing gender norms. It's good for anyone but especially if you're dealing with a lot of people, particularly young people, it's time to get up to speed and this book really helps.

[Howard Gibbins · Rating 5 out of 5]

This was a very interesting book, that gave me a lot of useful information and explained a number of concepts that were to be honest a little confusing to me. In my own defence however a number of the ideas and concepts (for lack of a better word) that were presented in this book were ones that I have never been faced with, and therefore had never considered.

The writing was clear, but at times did tend to be a little too much to absorb at one time, so I believe this book could easily be expanded with more examples both of the difficulties the LGBTQ community comes across as well as solutions to those difficulties.

Highly recommended, especially to anyone who finds themselves dealing with young people and the struggles they have encountered, or possibly may encounter in the future.

[Leah · Rating 4 out of 5]

I think this book is a great guide for allies of LGBTQA, more specifically trans people. I found some great talking points in this book for those who still struggle with gendering trans/NB people.

I gave it four stars as I believe the author leaned heavy into gender neutral terms which felt more like a book about educating people on how to address non-binary (in which yes there need to be more resources on this) however I felt they could have dipped more into binary trans people as well.

It's a good read even if you are familiar with trans and gender non-conforming topics.

[Beth Green]

“Some languages have pronouns that are just ‘me,’ ‘you,’ and ‘some other person’ with no gender at all. Only about a third of the world’s languages have gender pronouns.”

That quote is just one small example of the interesting information found in this informative book.

The most helpful part of this book is the advice on what to do to be more gender-friendly in both action and language usage, as well as ways to speak up against false narratives around the topic of gender identity.

Excellent resource and catalyst for important discussions.

Highly recommend this book.

[Toni Schloss · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is a great book if you are confused around the (seemingly) ever-evolving environment of gender, the trans spectrum, and those who are nonbinary. The author explains things in a very easy-to-understand way, and their expertise and experience in the field lends a solid degree of authority on the subjects.

I really got a lot out of reading this; I'd recommend it for anyone, not just those who might have a trans friend or family member that you're trying to understand how to help. Gender discussions are important today, and everyone is or will be affected at some point.

[Ashley · Rating 5 out of 5]

Wow, I can't get over how well done this book is. Plain language, practical tips, and positivity. I want everyone to read this book and have been talking it up to all my colleagues as we start to move toward a more inclusive workplace. What a fantastic resource! Seriously thankful to Airton for writing this accessible, meticulous, and concise book.

Recommended for everyone. Seriously, read this.

[Blair · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book does have a lot of helpful tips and tricks for people new to anything outside the typical he/she pronouns, or people who tend to use gendered language without seeing a reason why it might be harmful to people around them. Multiple exercises are included throughout the book which you can do yourself, and others which you are encouraged to try with others to improve your conversational abilities.,, and hopefully cut down on any potentially harmful misgendering occurring in your life.