Free to Be: Understanding Kids & Gender Identity

by Jack Turban

An authoritative guide to understanding and navigating gender identity from an acclaimed expert on the mental health of transgender and gender diverse youth.

Kids today are more gender fluent and expansive than ever before. Over 700,000 teenagers in America openly identify as transgender, a number that is rising each year. As it becomes increasingly common for us to encounter and know transgender kids, as well as kids with more expansive notions of gender than past generations, it is vital that we have the tools we need in order to truly see and support them.

Free to Be is an authoritative deep dive by internationally renowned child and adolescent psychiatrist Dr. Jack Turban into the science, medicine, and politics of gender identity. You will be immersed in the lives of three trans and gender diverse youth—Meredith, Kyle, and Sam—as they navigate their gender identities, make decisions around gender-affirming medical and psychological care, and confront an overwhelming political and social terrain.

By combining the latest scientific research, stories of transgender children, and the intricacies of today’s political gender wars, Free to Be gives you the tools to help the kids in your life navigate the complexity of gender identity, while also coming to better understand what the nuances of gender mean to yourself and society at large.

Genres: Nonfiction, LGBT, Queer, Parenting, Health, Psychology, Gender

304 pages, Hardcover

Published June 4, 2024

Reviews

[Katherine Cheney · Rating 5 out of 5]

What a gem of a book! I loved learning the latest science on gender. The personal stories of the patients really brought it to life. As a new parent, I feel confident I will be able to support my kid no matter what their gender identity turns out to be.

[Ali · Rating 5 out of 5]

What an amazing resource! I would recommend this to anyone. A better understanding of those around us we may not understand is crucial for humanity. I learned so many things scientifically and personally of people from many different walks of life. Thank you for writing this! And thank you to NetGalley for the chance to review.

[Lynsey Mize · Rating 5 out of 5]

If you’ve spoken to or heard the story of a trans person in real life, most of this book will not feel new. But how important for those who haven’t had that privilege. I really loved the balance of stories, data, and logic in this book. So much will stay with me as important conversations take place to move us forward. ❤️

[Sam · Rating 5 out of 5]

I read this in hopes that it would be a good source of information that I could recommend to my trans clients' parents. Jack does an excellent job covering main discussion topics and concerns and frames trans kids' actual experiences and voices throughout the book. If you need a good book recommendation for family members of trans individuals, or if you want to learn more about gender identity and trans people yourself, I highly recommend it.

[Ben Xabouathone · Rating 5 out of 5]

Jack Turban has written the ultimate support guide for transgender youth. I wish I had something comparable to this when I was a kid going through the motions and encourage EVERYONE to read this.

[Bea Masters · Rating 5 out of 5]

I was very happy to win this in a giveaway and read it! I wish I had more copies to hand out, but I’ve already promised this one to my grandma. If conservatives are making people’s private medical decisions and bathroom use a subject for legislation, then it seems important for all voters to know the actual science as well as the current practices of the medical and psych teams who work with trans youth. Dr. Jack Turban lays out research and case studies very clearly and with obvious care for his patients and their families. I would recommend this to people with any level of knowledge about gender identity who have trans loved ones, people confused about what they see in the news, or people who are worried about what their loved ones will read in the news.

[Mansoor · Rating 1 out of 5]

ملغمه‌ی تهوع‌آوری از علم دروغین و ایدئولوژی جنسیت

در ماه آوریل امسال، انتشار گزارش دکتر کاس و چندین ریویوی مرتبط، که نمایانگر دقیق‌ترین ارزیابی فعلی از علم پزشکی کودکان در حوزه‌ی جنسیتند، نشان داد شواهد موجود به نفع ترنزیشن* کودکان بسیار ضعیفند. پس کسانی که هنوز از این مقوله دم می‌زنند در حال ترویج علم دروغینند

نمود دیگری از این علم دروغین مدعیاتی است که می‌گوید هر فردی یک هویت جنسی مشخص دارد و این هویت از همان سنین کودکی قابل تشخیص است. حالا اگر این هویت با جنسیت زیست‌شناختی کودک همخوانی نداشته باشد، آن‌وقت کودک تراجنسیتی** محسوب می‌شود

طی سالیان اخیر، سازمان‌های اکتیویستی پدیده‌ی ملال جنسیتی*** را از یک اختلال روانی به ویژگی‌ای درونی با ریشه‌های زیست‌شناختی تغییر شکل داده‌اند، یعنی همان ترفند موفقی که زمانی جنبش همجنس‌خواهی به کار گرفت: این افراد اساسا همین‌گونه به دنیا آمده‌اند

نویسنده‌ی این کتاب از پیش لکه‌ی ننگ انتشار پژوهش‌های پر از اشتباه و خطا را بر پیشانی دارد و از پاسخ‌دادن به انتقادها هم طفره می‌رود. با این حال، صاحب نفوذی چشمگیر در رسانه‌ها و نهادهای آموزشی است، که البته در زمانه‌ی ما اصلا چیز عجیبی نیست

کتاب پر شده از داستان‌های سانتی‌مانتالی که نویسنده از کودکان تراجنسیتی گردآوری کرده تا روایت دلخواهش را شکل دهد، بی‌آن‌که بتواند تعریف درست و درمانی از هویت جنسی به دست دهد

نویسنده ادعا می‌کند هویت جنسی ریشه‌ی درونی و زیست‌شناختی دارد. چنین ادعای بزرگ و عجیب و غریبی به‌رغم این واقعیت است که هیچ آزمایش مغزی یا خونی‌ای نمی‌تواند یک فرد تراجنسیتی را از دیگران تمیز دهد. هویت جنسی صرفا بر اساس گزارش فرد از احساسات و افکارش تعیین می‌شود

افرادی مانند نویسنده‌ی این کتاب در پی آن نیستند که به شکل عینی مشخص کنند پدیده‌ای به نام هویت جنسی وجود دارد یا نه. در عوض، به سراغ مواد و مصالحی می‌روند که نتیجه‌ی دلخواهشان را تایید کند. این شیوه یکی از نشانه‌های بارز علم دروغین است. مثلا نویسنده می‌گوید شواهد علمی قوی نشان می‌دهند تراجنسینگی ریشه‌ی زیست‌شناختی دارد. ولی تمام شواهدی که می‌آورد مربوطند به پدیده‌هایی از قبیل گرایش جنسی، ناهمنوایی جنسیتی**** و اختلال تکوین جنسی*****. هیچ‌کدام از این‌ها ربطی به ملال جنسیتی و تراجنسینگی ندارند و بنابراین نمی‌توانند به ادعای هویت جنسی و ریشه‌ی زیست‌شناختی‌اش اعتباری ببخشند. ناهمنوایی جنسیتی عبارت است از ترجیحات و رفتارها و ویژگی‌های جسمی‌ای که از خصایص نوعی زنانه و مردانه فاصله می‌گیرد. پژوهشگران ایدئولوژیک هر علامت زیست‌شناختی از ناهمنوایی جنسیتی را گواهی می‌گیرند بر وجود هویت جنسیتی و ریشه‌ی زیست‌شناختی‌اش

آن شواهد علمی قوی‌ای که نویسنده وعده می‌دهد فقط شامل دو پژوهشند و مشکلشان هم همان است که در بالا گفته شد. گذشته از این، یکی از پژوهش‌ها مشکلات روش‌شناختی زیادی هم دارد، از جمله تعداد کم شرکت‌کنندگان، نبود گروه کنترل و عدم توجه به گرایش جنسی شرکت‌کنندگان

البته نویسنده اشاره‌ای هم به پژوهش‌های مغز/جنسیت می‌کند. اکتیویست‌ها و پژوهشگران ایدئولوژیک زمانی این پژوهش‌ها را اثباتی می‌دانستند بر آن‌که مغز افراد تراجنسیتی با هویت جنسی‌شان تطبیق دارد. یعنی همان مغز زنانه در بدن مردانه و برعکس. اما پژوهش‌های دقیق بعدی بر این مدعا خط بطلان کشید. این پژوهش‌ها دریافتند تفاوت‌های مغزی مشاهده‌شده ناشی از گرایش جنسی هستند، عاملی که پژوهش‌های بی‌دقت قبلی آن را به حساب نیاورده بودند


*transition
**transgender
***gender dysphoria
****gender nonconformity
*****disorder of sexual development

[Robyn · Rating 4 out of 5]

ARC | Excellent and comprehensive coverage of gender identity in the present moment, though it's not clear who the intended audience is | This book really covers it all, from the medicine to the psychology to the history to the politics and the pseudoscience (hint: there's no such thing as "rapid onset gender dysphoria", tiktok isn't making kids trans, nobody is performing genital surgery on children, and cis athletes aren't having accomplishments "stolen" by trans folks). I requested the arc because this is already a topic I try to remain informed on, so there wasn't anything here that was actually new to me. But it does, with meticulous research and citations, address things I hear all the time, even from well-meaning people, so I know the contents are valuable. The question is, who is going to find the time for such a dense book if they're not already well-versed in these facts? Parents of trans youth, hopefully, and care providers (foster parents, teachers, social workers, etc), but will people who could have already learned this elsewhere and didn't even find this? It's hard to say. A little too much reliance on footnotes, it sometimes felt that most of the facts were contained there, but overall really an excellent book. Hopefully soon the sections discussing anti-trans rhetoric will be outdated. I will recommend this one.
Appreciation to the publisher for the free ARC, my review was not affected by the gift

[Kelly · Rating 4 out of 5]

Very good mix of research, informative, academic-driven writing with personal, anecdotal stories. I really loved that Turban included stories of children with very varied gendered experiences, from nonconforming to transgender. I also really enjoyed hearing Turban's personal life, including his sexuality, childhood experiences, and journey through medical school. I think this is a very compassionate book that brings a lot of knowledge to the table on the topic of children's gender expression and identity.

[Eric O · Rating 5 out of 5]

A hopeful, journalist approach by an experienced MD. If you love a trans or NB person and want what’s best for them, or you just want to be better informed, give yourself a break from negative messaging and read this book.

[Mandalyn Castanon · Rating 5 out of 5]

I loved this book! As a mental health clinician who works with trans and gender expensive youth and their families, I’m always looking for new books to recommend to clients and to expand my own knowledge. I thought that this book was thoughtful, well informed, and down to earth. I find that so many books focus on the clinical or jargony side of things, but this book focused on the real life experiences of trans youth while also incorporating scientific evidence and a wealth of citations. I really appreciated the mix of anecdotal and peer reviewed evidence! I’ll definitely be recommending this to clients!

[Alison Thompson · Rating 5 out of 5]

Was lucky enough to find this book at my local library on a shelf celebrating Pride Month - shoutout to the librarians of Maricopa County who are doing the work to make sure public spaces are welcoming and inclusive! 🫶🏻

Not only was this book easily digestible because of the relatable anecdotes shared amid scientific studies and data, it’s one I know I’ll come back to in the future. It provides reassurance and hope that society’s concern for and protection of trans youth is growing as their stories continue to be shared.

[Catherine · Rating 5 out of 5]

A compassionate and comprehensive overview of the topic.

Highly recommended!

[Gillian Armstrong · Rating 5 out of 5]

Incredibly informative and written using approachable and easy to digest language.

[Dawn · Rating 5 out of 5]

Very informative about the topic and written in a way that is very easy to understand. I’ve read a few books on this topic and this is probably my favourite.

It’s sensitive and supporting. It does address the current political climate surrounding trans issues - sports and trans youth.

Great first book for parents and others looking to support their kids.

[Natalie B · Rating 5 out of 5]

Really digestible and interesting. Something for everyone to learn for sure

[Haley Kamikawa · Rating 4 out of 5]

I started reading this book because I wanted to better understand transgender youth and what the research thus far can tell us. This book was incredibly accessible in discussing academic “jargon” and I feel really informed about all the nuances and experiences trans youth face. I loved all the resources and data the author included. Great starting point for anyone who is confused or uneducated about what it even means to be transgender.

[Isabelle Agnew · Rating 5 out of 5]

*As a Collections Management Librarian, I was given an ARC of this book for free for consideration for our collection.

Wow. Wow. Wow.

I am so grateful to have read this, and I can't wait for others to be able to access it.

Dr. Turban's way of writing made very complex issues easily digestible. I think this book is a great resource for parents who's kids (whether they are actual children, or adult children) have come out to them, but also for anyone who is interested in knowing more about what it means to be transgender.

[Sara Brekke · Rating 5 out of 5]

Oh, how I wish I (like virtually everybody online) weren't in an echo chamber, for I fear the people who are going to see this review aren't necessarily the ones who I think would benefit most from reading this book...

This book filled in a necessary gap in my knowledge and bookshelf, being (in my own words) “What does the scientific data show are the best medical and psychiatric practices for gender diverse youth to increase quality of life and reduce suicidality?" While it is impossible to talk about transgender individuals without it becoming political due to the current social climate, what this book did most effectively, in my opinion, is answer that question through critically examining the evidence that currently directs what health professionals are to do to provide the most ethical, life-affirming care.

"Free to Be" is scientifically thorough without requiring doctorate-level medical literacy skills, which is a fine line to walk when speaking on complex biological and psychological processes/theories and summarizing studies from rigorously reviewed journals like JAMA and New England Journal of Medicine. I applaud Dr. Turban on his ability to clearly and concisely educate without it becoming overly jargon-y.


Through following different gender diverse individuals, the book showed a range of what gender affirming healthcare can look like across the child/adolescent timeline. It was helpful to see just how meticulously decisions were made between the patients, families, and clinicians to provide the best outcome for the individuals mentioned in the book. From showing just how intensive the process is for a teen to start HRT, to fact-checking a lot of the presumptions about gender-affirming health care for children and teens, and making sure there was fully informed consent before any social transition, medication taken, or procedure undergone.

It is frustrating that, as a society, it is not uniform which sectors of health care are guided by medical experts who have devoted their livelihood to improving patient outcomes, while others are determined by laws and court cases passed by politicians who have no medical degree, no experience in the health sector, or any reputable knowledge or data to back up why they should be making decisions about a certain practice. I dunno bout you... But when I have a health problem, I personally don't go to the nearest elected official to tell me what to do... So why do we allow politicians to sway opinions and have the final say in which lifesaving medical interventions should or shouldn't be legal? If my car is making funny sounds, I don't call my therapist... If my A/C isn't working, I don't call my hairstylist... If I'm in a health crisis, I don't call my governor. Healthy amounts of skepticism are good. It's important to stay curious and questioning. But we need to trust the experts in their fields. Not the people who have a loud voice and a provocative opinion.

As somebody who has worked with many trans youth, this book has provided answers to a lot of questions I have had, has made me a more informed human, and will undoubtedly help me on the road to being a better clinician for my future clients. If you have any interest in knowing about what the scientific literature has to say about best practices when it comes to caring for gender diverse youth, so that they can lead a happy and fulfilling life, this is a must-read.

[James · Rating 5 out of 5]

At this point, a one-of-a-kind resource for people who want to know more about transgender kids and gender identity that provides insight into lived experiences without sacrificing medical or academic rigor AND and remaining readable for the average general reader.

The author does a good job capturing the experience of both gender dysphoria and gender diversity in children while explaining the different pathways their lives could take, particularly with educated, supportive, loving families. Readers are offered few glimpses into what less affirming paths look like, but only that, because the focus of the book is primarily on achieving healthy outcomes (live kids, better mental health, academic success).

The book is fast-reading and conversational, but with some heavy-lifting in terms of debunking common myths and misinformation surrounding transgender youth. It is especially useful for parents, although unlikely to be the only source of information parents of trans kids need. In that way, it might be a better resource for other relatives (aunts, uncles, cousins) or for teachers, neighbors, coworkers, etc.

Overall, highly recommended. Only concern - it may go out of date quickly (within 5 years or so) - but for right now, the book is a unique and excellent read on the topic of young people and gender identity.

[Davia Finch · Rating 5 out of 5]

A wonderful antidote to the misinformation and misunderstandings surrounding transgender healthcare.

This is a very accessible, very easy to read primer on all of the most important topics surrounding trans healthcare, particularly the care of children. There are quite a few sources for people to follow up on if they're more interested in the science behind it, but it is not (and is not intended to be) an exhaustive academic text on the subject. It's for trans kids and the parents of trans kids, for anyone who thinks they might be trans or have a trans child, and for anyone who is merely curious to learn more about what really goes on in trans healthcare.

I cannot recommend this book highly enough.

[Chris Witt · Rating 3 out of 5]

Thank you so much to publisher for Advanced Reading Copy.

Definitely would be a worthwhile read for those who are unfamiliar with some of the terms surrounding these issues. Well-meaning family members who have loved ones going through these things would find it particularly beneficial. People who are convinced of a national conspiracy involving the education system creating transgender children and believe that "genital mutilation" is an actual thing should read it, but who are we kidding here?

My middling review is more based on a lack of any kind of nuance and being left with questions that I never seem to see covered in these discussions. At the same time, I can see that this is an advocacy book. A resource for people who have loved ones who are the subject of the book.

[Laura · Rating 5 out of 5]

A great book both for people new to the topic of transgender identity, and those who are already familiar with the topic. Dr. Turban does a great job at combining current scientific knowledge (acknowledging current limitations in understanding, while highlighting topics that are no long up for debate) with personal stories of transgender youth and adults, as well as their families. He's an incredibly patient person, whose empathy and calm just lifts off the page. For people who want additional information on topics discussed in the book, I also recommend his podcast interview with Dr. Mike: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Xbriq.... No better time to read this than now, when transgender people are being used as scapegoats for a whole range of issues by corrupt politicians.

[Michael Freeman · Rating 5 out of 5]

A book from an actual doctor who has actual, practical experience on the topic.

Most of the information is obvious if you are trans, or have someone in your life who is trans, or have talked to a trans child once. Nothing new here. But it's nicely laid out. powerful anecdotes. And good basic science that doesn't get caught in the weeds too much.

This book is fine and I'm sure might help someone who has anxiety about their own trans children. I doubt it'll do much to change someone's mind politically.

Regardless, if you say you care about protecting children, maybe listen to the voices of trans children earnestly and respect what they tell you.

[Lukas Stock · Rating 2 out of 5]

Well written popular science book. I was disappointed in Turban’s interpretation of various data and his reasoning after hearing a podcast interview with him, and the book is very much the same. I just don��t think his conclusions hold as much water as he presents them doing.

Additionally, shame on Atria/Simon and Schuster for a truly bewildering endnote system where citations are not marked in the text, so looking at a citation requires perusing the endnotes to see which sentences have notes, while having no idea in the actual text what’s being cited and what’s Turban’s own thoughts. Frustrating.

[Lorna · Rating 4 out of 5]

In this day and age, I can’t turn around without being confronted with an article about gender identity and trans people and the negative tones of many of these articles are disturbing and concerning.

In Free to Be , Turban deconstructs what gender means and how being trans has no one way of looking. He discusses the science and pseudoscience behind how society views being trans, the treatments and the politics behind hot topic issues.

This is a must read for anyone who knows or loves a trans person. It should be read by everyone, but we know that those that would most benefit won’t come within 10 feet of this book.

[Joseph · Rating 5 out of 5]

Dr. Turban has written a wonderful book explaining the science behind gender identity and behind the various types of gender affirming care. He helps tell the story by using the personal experience of several transgender youth. By using the personal stories, Dr. Turban helps move the discussion out of the purely theoretical and shows the real life implications of having (or not having) support and gender affirming care. There is also an extensive notes section at the end of the book for further reading for those who want to go deeper in their understanding. I hope his book get a wide audience.

[Mark · Rating 4 out of 5]

this is an informative text on trans youth. Using a mix of stories and facts comes a book where exploration from a young age is to theories on what is the latest thing to blame for trans youth to the treatign the youth who are trans throughout their life.

Easy to fall along with in a medium-paced book. You get to see the different stories throughout the book that the children are just children knowing themselves and wanting to just be that inner self. I liked it and wish it was available when I was young.

[Tanner Eastep · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book was an increbile foundational understanding of gender science. I would recommend this book for any person that is interested in knowing more about gender identity and understanding the issues that transgender individuals face from childhood. Jack has a simple message all throughout the book of acceptance and curiosity. No matter where you stand on the idea of trans identity this book provides a perspective that is backed by research and personal accounts that will open your mind to understand gender in yourself and those around you.

[Christine LaBatt · Rating 5 out of 5]

A look into transgender identity in youth from a doctor who works with transgender youth. I liked that this included a lot of real-life stories from youth and how their families either accepted them or not, or grew to accept them. This was definitely a good read, especially for families that might have a child who is transgender.

I received my copy from Netgalley in exchange for an honest review.