I've Tried Being Nice: Essays

by Ann Leary

New York Times bestselling author Ann Leary offers a literary feast of humor and wisdom told from the perspective of a recovering people pleaser.

Having arrived at a certain age (her prime), Ann Leary casts a wry backward glance at a life spent trying—and often failing—to be nice. With wit and surprising candor, Leary recounts the bedlam of home bat invasions, an obsession with online personality tests, and the mortification of taking ballroom dance lessons with her actor husband. She describes hilarious red-carpet fiascos and other observations from the sidelines of fame, while also touching upon her more poignant struggles with alcoholism, her love for her family, her dogs, and so much more.

Prepare to laugh, cry, cringe and revel in the comically relatable chaos of Ann Leary’s life as revealed in this delighful collection of essays.

Genres: Essays, Nonfiction, Memoir, Humor, Audiobook, Biography, Biography Memoir

240 pages, Hardcover

First published June 4, 2024

About the author

Ann Leary is the author of the novels, THE CHILDREN, THE GOOD HOUSE, OUTTAKES FROM A MARRIAGE, and the memoir, AN INNOCENT, A BROAD.

Her bestselling novel, THE GOOD HOUSE, has recently been adapted as a motion picture starring Sigourney Weaver and Kevin Kline. Ann’s New York Times essay, “Rallying to Keep the Game Alive,” was adapted for Amazon Prime's Modern Love TV Series and stars Tina Fey and John Slattery. Her work has been translated into eighteen languages and she has written for numerous publications including Ploughshares, NPR, Real Simple and the New York Times.

Her new novel, THE FOUNDLING, will be published on May 31, 2022.

Ann and her husband Denis Leary live in New York.

Reviews

[Rachel Hanes · Rating 4 out of 5]

Ever read a book, and while reading it you think to yourself that you would like to be best friends with the author? Well, that’s how I felt while reading “I’ve Tried Being Nice”. This little book contained 20 essays on how our author, Ann Leary (who is married to Denis Leary), tried to overcome her people pleasing and overly nice ways. I knew when I saw the title for this book, that this was a MUST read for me (sorry, but you can only be nice for so long…)

I’m not sure if the essays provided any ways to overcome being “too nice”, but they did give some valuable life lessons. I also had so many laugh out loud moments throughout this book, I was left wanting more.

I will say that this is a light, easy read. I did expect a little bit more in ways to overcome people pleasing and trying to be too nice, but I still found this book to be very enjoyable. From these essays, I have found a new author to read and I plan on adding all her previous books to my list!

I would like to thank Goodreads and the publisher for the gifted copy of this book, in which I had the pleasure of reading! I definitely recommend this read for anyone who is looking for a nice new author, or maybe not so nice 😉

[kimberly · Rating 3 out of 5]

funny at times but middle of the road when compared to other essay collections I have read; some of the essays seem to have lost the overall theme (that or I just didn't see it)

[Books_the_Magical_Fruit · Rating 4 out of 5]

Ann Leary is very funny. She and I have much in common: people pleasing, anxiety, racing intrusive thoughts and more. Good times! Leary is very upfront with her struggles, and her honesty is both refreshing and relatable.

I enjoyed reading about the author’s life. I’ve heard of Denis Leary, her famous husband, but I have not watched anything he’s been in. It was intriguing to read little insights about red carpet events, schmoozing in Jack Nicholson’s bar with other famous people, and how she reacts to fans who approach her husband (hint—it’s all funny).

I recommend this! It has a little bit of everything, and I guarantee you will laugh.

Thank you to NetGalley, Simon Element and Marysue Rucci Books for the advance copy in exchange for my honest feedback.

[Kasa Cotugno · Rating 5 out of 5]

What a pleasure after enjoying her fiction, to meet the woman behind her words. Generous and honest, Ann Leary provides insight with humor and self deprecation, and gives of herself, warts and all. Particularly nice is her chapter on dogs and her lifelong friends among them.

[Zibby Owens · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is a light-hearted, vulnerable, and wise collection of essays about being a people-pleaser inspired by memorable personal experiences. She discusses the challenges of people-pleasing and standing up for herself and then shares anecdotes from her life. In some essays, there is that theme of trying to get along with people, trying to keep everyone pleased, and how we feel about reaching a certain age. The essays touch on everything from taking ballroom dancing lessons with her husband to homecoming with bats to empty nesting.

Here is a passage from one of the essays that touched me the most. The author wrote, " I had googled Mrs. Emery when we first moved here and was pleased to learn that her father had written the song My Funny Valentine, which our friend Julie sang for my husband and me at our wedding.

But now I wanted to know about Linda Rogers Emery, not her father. I read a few interesting profiles written about her and her obituary. I discovered that Mrs. Emery was loving and giving. She was philanthropic and creative, but she also struggled, as I have, with shyness and bouts of severe depression.

Some quick math revealed that she moved here when she was about my age. The trees, the flowers, the gardens, and the greenhouse that lift my spirits each day. Had creating them lifted hers? I'm not into musicals and show tunes, but I heard the Rodgers and Hammerstein show song Edelweiss around Christmas time last year.

I was in my happy place, the local plant store, just browsing. The tune stuck with me. It's one of those songs that takes root. Later, I was singing it as I tried to rearrange some plants on my greenhouse deck to make room for my laptop. Like I said, I'm not really into spirituality or show tunes, but I got a little teary as I hummed and sang to all my green darlings, my tender foundlings, and to the spirit of Mrs.
Emery too. Blossoms of snow, may you bloom and grow. Bloom and grow forever."

To listen to my interview with the author, go to my podcast at:
https://zibbymedia.com/blogs/transcri...

[Ashley G. · Rating 3 out of 5]

Witty at times. A couple of interesting moments of looking behind the scenes at the famous couple. Like when they took dance lessons or when she fumbled things with a fan. Overall just okay.

[Shannon · Rating 3 out of 5]

Relatable and funny essays on marriage, motherhood, writing, complicated parental relationships and so much more. This was an entertaining listen on audio and a quick read at that. I didn't know much about this author or her husband, Dennis Leary but still enjoyed this on audio. Worth a read, especially for fans of authors like Ann Patchett.

[Mediaman · Rating 2 out of 5]

This is one of those slow, meandering books from an overly-emotional woman where nothing really happens and I can't figure out how it got to be published. There's so little to it, and most of the subjects are things that don't deserve such shallow essays, that I'm baffled that it made it past the editors. But I guess since Leary had previously written bestsellers and is married to someone famous that content doesn't make any difference.

This is like an Ali Wentworth book without the over-the-top attempts at humor or pushing a political agenda. It's like a Seinfeld script about nothing, only told from Elaine's perspective lying alone in bed with none of the other interesting characters around.

It's hard to be married to notoriously obnoxious Denis Leary and write a dull book about your family life. The only good chapters are the ones where the two of them are struggling and have to fight through everyday life. "Love Means Nothing," which was previously published, is an outstanding piece parallelling tennis with her marriage falling apart. Applying what she learned in tennis lessons, it's not about where the ball or the marriage or the job or the family starts, it's where it ends up that's important.

Among the worst chapters are most of the others that were already published elsewhere on the exciting subjects of knitting (yawn), a virtual friend group (seriously?), her crying over her kids going off to college (did she think she'd be happy about it?) and her alcoholism (preachy and repetitive). She writes, "I won't bore you with how I stopped drinking and returned to the (AA) Program again." Why not? It couldn't be worse than how you're boring us with a vague description of how you handled your addiction!

Other intense chapters are about selling their house, buying plants for her new house, and, believe it or not, packing tips for long distance trips. Does Ann Leary think none of us have access to the internet or that we've never lived a normal life?

There is a whole lot of padding to this already thin volume, and I swear some chapters were added simply to increase the word count for her publisher. Once she gets to the dog chapter near the end, I know it has gone haywire (devoting so much space to pets is a sure sign of a writer that is withholding many of the juiciest personal stories from her memoir). At least her giving birth story (the other sure sign of wasted autobiography space) was kept to a minimum here, but that's only because she devoted 300 pages to it in her other memoir!

Why is she intentionally putting a wall up? This is all so simplistic and at times condescending, while at the same time she constantly puts herself down for being "too nice."

In the end the real issue is the author's low self-esteem, compounded by having a celebrity husband, that leads to her need to convince everyone (and herself) that she's "normal." But normality and nothingness rarely make for an entertaining read unless something significant happens, which rarely does on these pages.

I've tried being nice in this review but ultimately have to admit that it's a waste of time.

[Melanie Johnson · Rating 4 out of 5]

I have enjoyed Ann Leary's fiction and was excited to get an advanced copy of this book, which are essays about Ann's life with her husband (the famous Denis Leary) and her kids. Some of the essays were laugh-out-loud funny, and they are spot-on with someone within her same age range..*ahem, 50ish*. The last essay wraps it up nicely - a grumpy 96 year old lady tells a group of women in her way to "move" instead of walking around them. Why can't the lady just BE NICE? Well, "how many minutes does she have left on this earth? How many more steps until she's stuck in the ground? She can't waste her time or energy being nice all the time". Nicely said.

[Cynthia Dunn · Rating 3 out of 5]

3.5

[Kelly · Rating 4 out of 5]

Thank you to NetGalley and the publisher for providing this book in exchange for an honest review.
This book will make you laugh. Ann Leary has a great sense of humor. Each chapter is very different from the last, which makes it fun to read about different points in her life.
I now want to go read her other books.

[Audrey-anne · Rating 3 out of 5]

I should stop reading memoirs from people that I’ve never heard of.

[Jan Cole · Rating 4 out of 5]

Good strong 4 1/2. Anne Leary, best selling author and wife of Denis Leary writes 20 essays on subjects from drinking, tennis, dog training, and fighting the impulse to please people. Some are serious (such as her struggle with alcoholism), many are hilarous such as the dog traning one. Most cover the years of marriage shortly after children depart from home and parents look for things to do to fill their time. This is a quick, very entertaining read.

[✨Maan✨ · Rating 3 out of 5]

Prima read om mezelf af te leiden maar zelfs al was ik een 60 jarige moeder is het niet relatable

[Audreygold · Rating 3 out of 5]

Essays by a privileged white woman. Nothing that unique or memorable. Maybe it would have been more engaging if I had read her other books. She does a lot of name dropping that her husband is actor and comedian Dennis Leary, who I don't know either.

[Hannah ZR · Rating 1 out of 5]

Couldn't finish, the fact she had to talk about her celebrity husband so much...it turned me off from paying attention any further.

[Shannon · Rating 3 out of 5]

3.5 stars on audiobook
Sometimes it’s great when the author is the narrator…..this was a little too stiff for my taste.

[David · Rating 4 out of 5]

The title was irresistible, so I thought I'd give it a try. Some of it was so good I had to read it to Tom. But it turns out to be one of those collections of previously-published essays that make me hear the author's agent or publisher saying, "Hey, you need to put out another book, what have you got?" The benefit is that we get to read pieces we might otherwise miss; the downside is that because they were all intended to stand alone, reading them all together leaves you wishing you had encountered them separately.

I like the author's voice (there's a reason she's a best-seller), and found some of the pieces hilarious, brilliant, charming. There's good stuff here, and I'm glad I read the book. Her essay "Three Drinks Short," is really great, and if your library has a copy of this book, you might want to check it out for that one piece alone. It has a serious topic (leavened with the author's excellent sense of humor), and a perspective I was really grateful to encounter. It's just a few pages, give it a try.

[Beth Gordon · Rating 5 out of 5]

4.5 stars

Really enjoyed this one! The author addresses quite a bit of subjects in this memoir in essays (marriage struggles, alcoholism, dogs, parenting, anxiety and people pleasing, tennis, finding a dress for a Hollywood event, etc.), and I enjoy her tone immensely. I’ve read a couple of her novels, but this was my first non-fiction from her. I really need to dive into her backlist non-fiction!

[Laura Donovan]

As I was reading this book of essays, I was reminded of one of my favorite writers, Laura Zigman, who has a similar tone and humorous take on the world. It turns out she is friends with Ann Leary!

This book of essays is a lifetime in the making. Ann Leary is done with niceties, writing what will sell rather than what’s in her heart, and rude neighbors. She is a hysterical writer and I really love the essay about her house being infested with bats. There’s a lot that’s relatable - kids going off to college, marriage trouble, eccentric pets - and a lot that isn’t (having a movie star husband, going to premieres and hanging with A listers, big old house with amenities that are a hard sell to new buyers, a lot of time to devote to high maintenance pets). But this is Ann’s story, and we root for her. She’s done writing for the masses - she wants to write something real and true to her experience. My heart broke for her in an essay about her mother’s reaction to one of Ann’s book coming out and the shame of an accompany audiobook snafu. I was angry on Ann’s behalf when a clueless neighbor kept racing her dogs on Ann’s lawn despite Ann’s warning about her own pets’ reaction. I laughed reading about the tension between Ann and her husband playing tennis and taking dance lessons together. I feel like she has such a well-rounded life but is still trying to figure it all out like the rest of us.

[Marc · Rating 4 out of 5]

I love these books of essays that are also partial memoirs. Particularly essays written by funny and thoughtful women demonstrating intellectual curiosity and an ability to examine one's behavior/motivations without navel-gazing.

Within this framework, I recommend Ann Leary's funny, relatable, and affecting book of essays, I've Tried Being Nice: Essays. Leary is honest and funny about her admitted people-pleasing, love of gossip, social anxiety, and the travails/triumphs of any long-term marriage.

The essays on dogs, tennis, and "Grey Gardens" are standouts, but don't sleep on her ability to relay how perfect a house has been for her family. Or Leary's journey as a plant lady. The author reads the audiobook and demonstrates at least two remarkably funny creatives in the Leary family.

[Jennifer Ann · Rating 2 out of 5]

I had no clue who Ann Leary was or who she was married to prior to picking up this book. After reading this book, I don't want to know anything else about her or read any more of her works.

The first essay was probably the best. There was no cohesion really on the essays. But then, in a collection of essays, there really doesn't have to be. The title doesn't really make sense with the "I tried to be nice", as no where in the book does she really come off as a "people pleaser" or "too nice or kind". She does come off snappy at her loved ones a few times.

It's just a rambly book about her and her life with her husband Denis. For fans of Denis Leary or her other writings, I think you'll enjoy this book. But it just wasn't something I'll put on my book shelf.

I did enjoy her practical packing tips for travel though!

[Lori Cote Scott · Rating 5 out of 5]

Ann Leary is brilliantly talented and has been one of my favorite writers for many years. I’ve loved all of her books and I thoroughly enjoyed these smart, funny and refreshingly genuine essays she shared with this grateful reader ❤️📚 Thank you to the Goodreads Team and the publisher I was so fortunate to win this ARC from!

[Susan Scott · Rating 2 out of 5]

Not great.

[Aneesa]

I read one.

[Anna · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book could be about me if only I was a published author married to a famous comedian/actor whose home was invaded by bats. To be fair, I have experienced a wayward bat visit on more than one occasion and was not as welcoming as Ann Leary.

I’VE TRIED BEING NICE is a funny, poignant, relatable collection of essays about a serial people pleaser. Ms. Leary is brutally honest about the anxiety that accompanies never wanting to disappoint anyone even to the detriment of oneself. Her descriptions of chronic apologizing, mental scorekeeping, and just trying too damn hard struck a chord with me. Her delivery is flawless and her narration gave authenticity to the words.

This was the perfect choice after reading some heavy books. I found myself laughing at the absurdity of the hell we put ourselves through for sake of being liked. Thank you, Ann Leary, for speaking the truth about being too nice. I hope all people pleasers, myself included, can learn from her journey and reclaim ourselves one refusal-to-put-ourselves-last at a time.

[Shana OkieCozyReader · Rating 4 out of 5]

I really enjoyed listening to this collection of essays. It kind of reminded me of Kiss Me in the Coral Lounge by Helen Ellis or works by Mary Laura Philpott. She discusses things from adopting and taking care of dogs, selling her family’s home where she raised her children, struggles with alcoholism (and being an empty nester), being married to an actor (and taking dance lessons together), her experiences as an author and publishing books.

Looking forward to discussing with Zibby Owens next week (podcast here: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast...)

This interview with her neighbor Martha Stewart is so much fun. They talk about how they tried being nice. https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast...

[Emily · Rating 3 out of 5]

I'd never heard of this author or her famous husband Denis, but this collection of essays caught my eye, as a fellow people-pleaser who struggles with anxiety.

These essays are sometimes witty (I laughed out loud several times), sometimes sweet (the dogs!), but the depth I was hoping for was somewhat lacking. These tales were mostly quite light, and I'd characterize this book more in the humor genre than a typical memoir.

TMI alert: I didn't really need or expect to read (more than once) about the author and her husband hanging around their house naked and having tons of sex.... Good for them, but I wasn't expecting that kind of exhibitionist confession in a book supposedly about being a people pleaser!

[Sherrie Howey · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is a collection of essays depicting aspects of her life which are very relatable. She’s incredibly honest and she’s such a terrific storyteller. Upon reading these essays, you will laugh and at the same time, they are very insightful. My favorites included “ My life in dogs” and “ The Greenhouse Effect”. This is a quick and easy read that I definitely recommend.

[Bonnie Goldberg · Rating 5 out of 5]

Fame Family & Friends

A lovely collection of engaging essays running the gamut from Ann Leary’s early years with her oft-moving family, her difficult relationship to alcohol, the perks and pitfalls of being married to someone famous, and her success in reigniting her long marriage to Denis Leary with ballroom dancing and tennis (for real!)