Thank you to Goodreads and the publisher for a copy of this book in exchange for an honest review.
My Selling Pitch:
Do you want a mommy book club nothing read about living in a small beach town? Do you love peaked in high school energy?
Pre-reading:
I know nothing about this book, and I am not a beach girl.
Thick of it:
Miasma
Who cares about high school? I mean really.
The irony is that I stopped reading the Wizard of Oz smut to pick this up and it too mentions Oz.
In no world would I allow a high school to stop me from using the internet at night. In no world is a high schooler’s homework done by 10 pm.
I didn’t know this was about a high schooler. God, I could not give a shit.
I don’t think a glass of milk is wholesome, but go off.
Enemies to lovers? (No. Sad.)
Mark is gay.
milieu
Don’t sexualize 14-year-olds? Thanks.
I don’t feel bad for rich kids.
Who is this book for? Middle schoolers?
Girl, this book is so repetitive and predictable.
No one talks like this.
Lmao having a mom does not guarantee you’ll get that education.
Louvered
Pray the gay away murdered him. (would have been a better book)
The truth ruins plenty of people. What do you mean?
I feel like a lot of these lines are supposed to be deep, but they’re literally just common sense
I love a Boston accent.
What kind of name is Johnny Mercury? They really said this is a surfing book.
So, not a Boston accent. He’s dead to me.
Also, I hate when people say can I ask you a question before they ask you a question. Like just ask me the question.
What do you mean your dream doesn’t exist without a man? Then it’s not your dream, babes.
You know, I’m trying to find sympathy for this girl, but this is like willful ignorance, and I’m not trying to victim blame, but grow the fuck up.
Like she wasn’t dumb. She was the top student. Like, do a cursory google.
indigent
I do not find that to be a beautiful quote at all. That’s kind of rapey actually
Ew, a cop.
I thought people stopped growing height after 18? So how did he shoot all the way to 6’3? (Yeah, this is very much a thing. If he grew at least 6 inches in the span of a year or two he would be in so much pain.)
Is him being a corrupt cop supposed to be appealing???
Oh my god, such pandering. I do not like this book at all.
The librarian seems like an author insert. In a small prejudiced town, men are not lining up for women with wacky colored hair. Like they’re just not.
Also, it’s even weirder then that the dad is trying to set them up if they knew each other as kids. Like he thought she was fat and ugly. I do not like a romance where the characters have to fundamentally change their physical appearance to be of any romantic value.
Also, the dad doesn’t speak like a dad.
Swag bag-get out.
There is so much gross therapy speak in this book.
This book is panderingly woke and aggressively PC, and it feels like it’s written by one of those women who make the fact that they have a therapist their personality.
You don’t know who you are without a man? Girl, take the codependency and leave.
It’s probably the rich kid’s brother who ruined the boat.
This man is such a nice guy simp, and if the book doesn’t acknowledge that, it’s going to really piss me off. She should not wind up with this man. He is not a good romantic love interest.
Oh, so he’s just even more of a corrupt police officer. They’re complaining about a corrupt mayor, and he’s like I’m gonna misuse police resources. What the fuck.
SHE’S NOT LIKE OTHER GIRLS
God, I hate this book.
sopapillas
She moved on fastttt.
She’s going 5 miles over the speed limit. Is that a joke?
Title drop
This book is fucking awful. Real love does not mean giving up yourself, so you don’t lose another person.
Post-reading:
I hated every second of this.
It’s not that the writing is bad. It was like one of those books you had to read in sixth grade that was like a contemporary classic. Like Stargirl. Probably niche, but same vibes.
The characters in this book are fundamentally unlikable. The main character has so much I’m not like other girls energy, and it’s exhausting. Her father is blatantly neglectful and somehow gets a redemption arc. The best friend feels like an author insert. Her love interests are terrible. The guy she ends up with is a toxic nice guy.
All the romantic messaging in this book is beyond toxic. You should not lose yourself in love. That’s not an aspirational thing. You should not give up your hopes and dreams for another person. Another person cannot be your dream. Go to therapy.
Which is ironic because so much of this book’s “deep moments” feel ripped from a therapy transcript. They’re not deep. They’re common sense, or worse, they’re platitudes.
The book tries to be woke and virtue signal by discussing campus hazing and corrupt political families but fails spectacularly. It’s not a nuanced discussion. It’s been done before and done better. Characters’ actions have no consequences. The book really ends with a character being charged like the justice system is capable of exacting any kind of fair justice. Like you missed your own point.
The plot is hallmark. There was really nothing in this book for me. And I’ll forgive bucket nothingness in a book, but not if you couple it with self-help advice that literally no one should take. I genuinely can’t figure out the audience for this book because adults should not want to read about high schoolers. And high schoolers shouldn’t read about people in their 30s with this kind of messaging. So who the fuck is this book for? The mommy book clubs? Let them read their smut. It’ll have more emotional depth.
Who should read this:
Mommy book clubbers
Wine moms
Do I want to reread this:
No
Similar books:
* Our Place on the Island by Erika Montgomery-family drama beach read
Unhinged Summary:
Girlypop grows up so poor and neglected by her surfer dude father that she’s put into a foster home run by a local artist. Girlypop gets a scholarship to go to private school and unsurprisingly “struggles” to fit in with the privileged students. She makes friends with the gardener’s nice guy son and her author insert fellow foster child. Then she literally has no trouble making friends because at 14 she “looks like a sports illustrated model” and is super good at surfing. She’s valedictorian for her class and poised to go to college on a scholarship, but decides to blow up her life because one of her besties went to a school frat party and overdosed. She's like the school should've protected him! And it's like well, the school said no drinking and doing drugs, and your bestie decided to anyway. She's like well, it’s the frats’ fault! And the audience is like where? They didn't force him to drink. She's like well, the school is claiming he overdosed because he was an addict, and he wasn't! So I'm gonna expose them. And it's like okay? Do that?
And then because this is a fictional world, the school denies her her high school diploma for accusing them of wrong doing and obviously that makes her college rescind their acceptance. Sure, Jan. But don’t worry, she meets a super hottie surfer staying at her father’s trailer park, and they fall instantly in love, and she decides to blow up her life for a boy. So she becomes a professional surfer and moves to Australia. Somehow she used up all her brain cells to become valedictorian and literally never used her brain again because she relied entirely on her man to handle money and getting married and never questioned any of it. He's a surfer dude. Spoiler alert, financial planning and legal documents are not his forte. They’re broke and about to be evicted, and he's been hiding this from her. And if you're like Girlypop don’t you look at your bank statement? Apparently not. So she goes to confront him, and they get in a car accident and he dies. Men don’t face consequences for their actions lol. Women will just clean up the mess. So now that he’s dead, Girlypop finds out that plot twist they were never actually married, and so she’s in Australia illegally. She has no choice but to go back to Beach Town.
When she arrives, she finds out that her scummy father hooked up with a drug addict and had more spawn. But like he took a single parenting class, so he’s father of the year for this toddler now. His trailer park business is on the verge of ruin because the city isn’t going to lease him the land anymore. Girlypop is like I can fix this. Why go to therapy when I can reconnect with my high school friends and save the town! Foster bestie is now a hottie and a librarian and running for mayor. She’s multi-hyphenate. And she’s like omg babes, I know we haven’t spoken in forever, but librarians are superheroes, so I can solve all your problems. We’ll file for grants. This just works. And now they have money to restore the trailer park to be #Vintage so that they can lease the trailers out on Airbnb and make a buttload of money. And because they’re #Vintage the city will declare the land historical so they won’t be able to sell it. Hallmark movie plot! Nice guy is a cop. Yep. He dreamed of traveling the world, but he’s given all that up to look after his blind father. He’s just such a good, helpful guy. So they meet up again and she’s like omg, you’re hot now! And he’s like oh my god, the girl I was friends with because I wanted to sleep with her in high school. Oh my god, I’m still in love. And the audience is like that’s not love.
So they restore the trailers, and she decides her dad is a good dad after all. And the audience is like fucking where? Now they just need the town council to vote yes to making the land a historical landmark, but oh no, her high school frat boy nemesis is the mayor, and he’s the swing vote! Luckily his whole family is corrupt because they have money. His little brother drives a boat drunk with all his friends and crashes it. A girl dies in the crash, but they claim she was driving so that none of the other kids will be charged. But omg, Girlypop is dating a cop who just happens to be the first responder on the scene, so he knows the truth. Girlypop can finally use her truth to bring down the corrupt family just like she wanted to in high school. The trailers are saved. She has a codependent relationship. Happily ever after. The end!