The Search for Sanity: Life with a Two-Year-Old

by Tom Kreffer

'Tom has the rare ability of capturing the true nature of parenthood' —Neil Sinclair, AKA Commando Dad

'Immediately engaging with genuine laugh-out-loud moments' —Toddler About

' Toddler storytelling at its best ' —The Modern Fatherhood Club

Welcome to the terrible twos

Where toddlers annihilate boundaries, convert your resolve into servitude and routinely imitate your worst qualities in public.

Join one father and his journal as he scribbles his way through this famously difficult stage of parenthood searching for a win, his keys and his sanity, while constantly fielding the ‘Yes, but why, Dadda?’

494 pages, Paperback

Published October 18, 2023

About the author

Tom Kreffer has a degree in film and television and has worked in finance for over ten years. Dear Dory is his first book.

He lives in Northampton, England with his family, whom he intends to exploit for many more story opportunities in the years to come.

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Reviews

[Sacha Fortuné · Rating 5 out of 5]

Sacha's Book Reviews Blog

This was my fifty-sixth book I chose via the Reedsy Discovery program, for which I am the single approved reviewer for this new book. I loved the first three in the series, Dear Dory, Dear Arlo, and Toddler Inc., and was contacted by the author to also review this one. This review also appears on Reedsy.

If you're interested in becoming a Reedsy reviewer (and have the chance to get paid "tips" to review books!) check it out here.

The Premise
Following on from the pre-birth debut “Dear Dory“, the newborn “Dear Arlo“, and the one-year-old in “Toddler Inc.“, the author continues writing a journal to his son, chronicling daily moments in his toddler’s development as well as his own maturity (or immaturity) as a parent.

The Pros & Cons
If you’ve enjoyed any (or all) of the “Adventures in Dadding” series, then this fourth instalment will hit the spot yet again.

As we follow another year of parenting ups and downs, there are moments that breathe life into the story of an ordinary family doing ordinary things — and finding the extraordinary value in the simplicity of just that.

From the horror-filled whisper — Mummy’s over-loud musing: “What if we die?” as both parents board a plane without Arlo for the first time together; to the double-edged sword of having a family network to rely on (so much so, that Arlo barely cares they’re gone), we see the family going through their growing pains and emerging all the better for it on the other side.

Now a headstrong toddler with a swiftly-accelerating vocabulary and typical terrible-twos antics, Arlo’s personality dominates every little vignette, bringing a smile to your face. There’s the sorrowful and dreaded death of the daily nap, a smorgasbord of gleeful moments of imaginative play (RIP, Cyril), and of course: the exuberance of the Hoover-palooza extravaganza!

Through the daily journalling, the messages resonate: treasure the small stuff; be present in the moment. Don’t lose yourself; prioritize your own needs and your own identity (guilt-free!) from time to time. Stay curious; keep learning. And above all: PLAY.

One beautiful undercurrent along the author’s parenting journey is his ever-increasing appreciation of his own mother; while raising him, and now in her role with Arlo, “Nana never hurries.” Always patient, creative, and energetic, she is present both literally, as part of their extended family, and also in some of the ways he chooses to be a parent himself — which is particularly meaningful, as she had to do it on her own as he grew up without his father.

As with all the other books in the series, the concept of manhood is at the heart of it all. At times, it’s a lighthearted or eye-rolling moment — Daddy’s eager deference to Mummy’s “maternal impulses” when Arlo is sick as he’d rather not “parent under unfavourable conditions”; or a friend’s gathering when yet another mate becomes a “fallen man… restrained, rationed and all but withdrawn” since becoming a father.

At other times, it’s a much deeper reflection on society’s expectation of men to stay silent and stoic, burying their emotions and pain — “suck it up and be a man.” While there’s nothing earth-shattering here, this memoir highlights the critical importance of consistently showing up for your family every day, in ways men often don’t because they simply haven’t got the tools — no one taught them.

There were also many noteworthy musings on what it means to be a parent, reminding us to go easy on ourselves:

[…] Parenthood is not one-way traffic: parent and child are both students, one learning what is, while the other learns what was.

What I am is an average guy doing an average job of something that arrived with no preparation or training, and there’s no continued supervision or appraisals. I do my best with what I’ve got, accepting that limitations and failures are two immutable clauses in my parenthood contract.

Conclusion
Overall, “The Search For Sanity” packs a significant punch: a hefty dollop of cuteness, a hearty dose of humour, and a heavy-handed reminder that there’s beauty hidden even in the ugly trenches of parenting. All of this makes the “Dadding” series enjoyable and, I think, incredibly useful for other parents or parents-to-be (especially fathers). While parenthood is surely a swift gut-smack of a reality check, on our darker days, these books remind us that there’s significant shiny stuff beyond the sacrifice:

That’s what parenthood is to me: humanity stripped down to its core. And what a bright and beautiful core it is.

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This review also appears on my blog. Visit to read more of my reviews: Sacha's Book Reviews Blog

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