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Tender Paws: How Science-Based Parenting Can Transform Our Relationship with Dogs
** Winner, American Society of Journalists & Authors Book Award
**Winner, Dog Writers Association of America Maxwell Medallion
** Finalist, IAN Book of the Year
With eye-opening and heart-tugging case studies, Tender Paws shows us how the same foundational methods used to help at-risk children also support struggling dogs in our care.
When Wendy Lyons Sunshine got her first puppy—abandoned behind a gas station, struggling with worms and anemia—she was in over her head. As puppy training guides failed to help her with the out-of-control, traumatized bundle of teeth and claws rescue pup, she turned to her work helping world-class child development experts.
Could strategies for raising happy, well-adjusted kids transfer to a puppy? As it turns out, yes, they can! From the first try, parenting wisdom transformed Sunshine’s relationship with her challenging little one. Soon enough, Sunshine’s view of her puppy shifted from one of adversity to one of compassion and understanding, and she was able to bring patience and therapeutic concepts to meet her dog’s needs.
When Sunshine reached out to experts, they affirmed that science-based principles used with at-risk children align well with best practices of holisitic, positive, and progressive dog handling. Exploring parallels between human and canine research, attachment styles, history of trauma, parenting styles, and her own “inner child” proved a mindful path for pet parenting.
Far from a standard dog training manual, Tender Paws explicitly applies parenting wisdom and best practices used with special needs kids to a cross-section of scenarios, from recognizing developmental trauma and unmet core needs, to making decisions about appropriate equipment, to responding to difficult behavior, to understanding the parenting style from which we approach our dogs. Sunshine empowers you and your dog with:
--A synthesis of the fields of child development, attachment, trauma, sensory integration, neurobiology, learning, animal behavior, and ethology.
--A problem-solving framework that makes dog training decisions clearer and behavior frustrations easier to resolve.
--Parenting wisdom to help your dog move beyond trauma and into wellness.
Borrowing the principles of parenting for dogs feels obvious to some -- instinctive and ordinary and inevitable. But that’s not true for everyone, especially those of us who had a less than ideal childhood and bear the scars of early harm, loss, trauma, or deprivation.
Endorsed by Temple Grandin, certified dog trainers, and dog lovers alike, Tender Paws provides an interdisciplinary, comprehensive, evidence-based guide for readers who want to honor the needs of—and improve outcomes for—puppies and dogs they care about.
**Winner, Dog Writers Association of America Maxwell Medallion
** Finalist, IAN Book of the Year
With eye-opening and heart-tugging case studies, Tender Paws shows us how the same foundational methods used to help at-risk children also support struggling dogs in our care.
When Wendy Lyons Sunshine got her first puppy—abandoned behind a gas station, struggling with worms and anemia—she was in over her head. As puppy training guides failed to help her with the out-of-control, traumatized bundle of teeth and claws rescue pup, she turned to her work helping world-class child development experts.
Could strategies for raising happy, well-adjusted kids transfer to a puppy? As it turns out, yes, they can! From the first try, parenting wisdom transformed Sunshine’s relationship with her challenging little one. Soon enough, Sunshine’s view of her puppy shifted from one of adversity to one of compassion and understanding, and she was able to bring patience and therapeutic concepts to meet her dog’s needs.
When Sunshine reached out to experts, they affirmed that science-based principles used with at-risk children align well with best practices of holisitic, positive, and progressive dog handling. Exploring parallels between human and canine research, attachment styles, history of trauma, parenting styles, and her own “inner child” proved a mindful path for pet parenting.
Far from a standard dog training manual, Tender Paws explicitly applies parenting wisdom and best practices used with special needs kids to a cross-section of scenarios, from recognizing developmental trauma and unmet core needs, to making decisions about appropriate equipment, to responding to difficult behavior, to understanding the parenting style from which we approach our dogs. Sunshine empowers you and your dog with:
--A synthesis of the fields of child development, attachment, trauma, sensory integration, neurobiology, learning, animal behavior, and ethology.
--A problem-solving framework that makes dog training decisions clearer and behavior frustrations easier to resolve.
--Parenting wisdom to help your dog move beyond trauma and into wellness.
Borrowing the principles of parenting for dogs feels obvious to some -- instinctive and ordinary and inevitable. But that’s not true for everyone, especially those of us who had a less than ideal childhood and bear the scars of early harm, loss, trauma, or deprivation.
Endorsed by Temple Grandin, certified dog trainers, and dog lovers alike, Tender Paws provides an interdisciplinary, comprehensive, evidence-based guide for readers who want to honor the needs of—and improve outcomes for—puppies and dogs they care about.
- GenresNonfictionDogsAnimals
348 pages, Kindle Edition
Published May 28, 2024
14 people are currently reading
620 people want to read
About the author
Wendy Lyons Sunshine
6 books4 followersWendy Lyons Sunshine is the author of TENDER PAWS: How science-based parenting can transform our relationship with dogs (HCI Books, 2024). Endorsed by Temple Grandin and other professionals, this uniquely interdisciplinary and practical book has won the ASJA Book Award and the Maxwell Medallion from the Dog Writers Association of America.
Full of eye-opening and heart-tugging case studies, TENDER PAWS shows how the same foundational, therapeutic methods that help at-risk children can also support struggling dogs. The book grew out of Wendy's work on two earlier books: THE CONNECTED CHILD: Bring Hope and Healing to Your Adoptive Family (named ASJA Outstanding Book of the Year; 350,000+ copies sold) and RAISING THE CHALLENGING CHILD.
An award-winning writer and editor with a master's degree in technical communication, Wendy combines fact-based rigor with engaging storytelling. Her reporting has won awards from the Society of Environmental Journalists, Society for Professional Journalists, and others. Her credits include The Wall Street Journal, The New York Times, Psychology Today, and Scientific American; she also develops content and provides editorial services for select organizations.
Wendy lives on an overgrown acre with her husband and dog, where they all enjoy watching wildlife.
Full of eye-opening and heart-tugging case studies, TENDER PAWS shows how the same foundational, therapeutic methods that help at-risk children can also support struggling dogs. The book grew out of Wendy's work on two earlier books: THE CONNECTED CHILD: Bring Hope and Healing to Your Adoptive Family (named ASJA Outstanding Book of the Year; 350,000+ copies sold) and RAISING THE CHALLENGING CHILD.
An award-winning writer and editor with a master's degree in technical communication, Wendy combines fact-based rigor with engaging storytelling. Her reporting has won awards from the Society of Environmental Journalists, Society for Professional Journalists, and others. Her credits include The Wall Street Journal, The New York Times, Psychology Today, and Scientific American; she also develops content and provides editorial services for select organizations.
Wendy lives on an overgrown acre with her husband and dog, where they all enjoy watching wildlife.
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Displaying 1 - 9 of 9 reviews
May 29, 2024
While I did enjoy this book immensely, it felt so much like so many other non-fiction dog books that I have read. Journalist for Psychology Today, Wendy Lyons Sunshine also co-wrote, Raising the Challenging Child, and The Connected Child. Both of these books were about ways in which to work with abused and traumatized adopted and foster children. After bringing home her rescue dog, Hazel, Lyons Sunshine realized that the standard dog training practices and tactics that she was using were not working and she needed to change what she was doing. That is when she began employing the practices of what she learned by writing her two previous books.
Now, there are going to be a whole gang of people that are of the camp that dogs are not people and, most especially, they are not kids. Of course they aren’t!!! However, what Lyons Sunshine exhibits in this book is that some of the practices that have proven to be successful in working with traumatized adopted and foster children who have a history of abuse and neglect can be applied to traumatized adopted and foster dogs who also have a history of abuse and neglect.
Almost every fur baby (yes, I am of the camp that my pets are my babies) I have ever adopted was either from an animal rescue or a shelter (there were two that were from litters of family or friends). I have read a lot of books about dog training, as well as attended dog training sessions with most of my fur babies and have been practicing many of these standard skills and practices with all of my fur babies. So, on that note, a lot of this book was a refresher course for me, which is always a good thing. However, there was one program that was new to me and it was one that Lyons Sunshine wrote about in her previous books on children. It was called the HEARTS of parenting.
H = Heal the body
E = Enrich and optimize the brain
A = Appropriate environments with felt safety
R = Respectful and secure relationships
T = Teach sensitively and positively
S = Support the individual
The HEARTS of parenting supports research of animal welfare practices and methods by considering a dog’s emotional, medical, and ethological conditions when taking on the care of a an adopted or fostered dog. I was comforted by the fact that I already engage in and utilize quite a bit of these practices and methods. I also enjoyed learning some more ways that I can do better or differently in raising my rescued fur babies. This will benefit both my dogs and I, as well as strengthen our relationship with each other and the world we live in.
I also really enjoyed the various case studies of real-world experience from pet parents and the challenges that they encountered with their own rescued pups. I especially loved how applying these principles and practices really improved their relationships with the pups, but also how these folks made their pups’ worlds a much safer and nicer place to be for the pups. Because that’s what all of this is about – making a safer place in this world for the abused, neglected, and traumatized pups that we adopt and live with and love unconditionally.
As is often the case when reviewing a book like this, where I can’t rate it on characterization or storyline, I am rating it on the information it provided and the way in which it was presented. I’m looking at an overall rating of 4.3 and will be rounding down to a 4star rating. I want to thank NetGalley and HCI Books for sending me this eARC in exchange for my honest review.
#NetGalley #HCIBooks #TenderPaws
Now, there are going to be a whole gang of people that are of the camp that dogs are not people and, most especially, they are not kids. Of course they aren’t!!! However, what Lyons Sunshine exhibits in this book is that some of the practices that have proven to be successful in working with traumatized adopted and foster children who have a history of abuse and neglect can be applied to traumatized adopted and foster dogs who also have a history of abuse and neglect.
Almost every fur baby (yes, I am of the camp that my pets are my babies) I have ever adopted was either from an animal rescue or a shelter (there were two that were from litters of family or friends). I have read a lot of books about dog training, as well as attended dog training sessions with most of my fur babies and have been practicing many of these standard skills and practices with all of my fur babies. So, on that note, a lot of this book was a refresher course for me, which is always a good thing. However, there was one program that was new to me and it was one that Lyons Sunshine wrote about in her previous books on children. It was called the HEARTS of parenting.
H = Heal the body
E = Enrich and optimize the brain
A = Appropriate environments with felt safety
R = Respectful and secure relationships
T = Teach sensitively and positively
S = Support the individual
The HEARTS of parenting supports research of animal welfare practices and methods by considering a dog’s emotional, medical, and ethological conditions when taking on the care of a an adopted or fostered dog. I was comforted by the fact that I already engage in and utilize quite a bit of these practices and methods. I also enjoyed learning some more ways that I can do better or differently in raising my rescued fur babies. This will benefit both my dogs and I, as well as strengthen our relationship with each other and the world we live in.
I also really enjoyed the various case studies of real-world experience from pet parents and the challenges that they encountered with their own rescued pups. I especially loved how applying these principles and practices really improved their relationships with the pups, but also how these folks made their pups’ worlds a much safer and nicer place to be for the pups. Because that’s what all of this is about – making a safer place in this world for the abused, neglected, and traumatized pups that we adopt and live with and love unconditionally.
As is often the case when reviewing a book like this, where I can’t rate it on characterization or storyline, I am rating it on the information it provided and the way in which it was presented. I’m looking at an overall rating of 4.3 and will be rounding down to a 4star rating. I want to thank NetGalley and HCI Books for sending me this eARC in exchange for my honest review.
#NetGalley #HCIBooks #TenderPaws
June 23, 2024
The author has created a book like no other currently aailable in the dog training industry. A book that explains attachment and how it can affect your relationship with your dog AND provides positive ways to teach your puppy life skills without techniques that can damage your bond.
August 14, 2024
Very thought provoking. It makes perfect sense and it made me wonder why we haven’t been working with our dogs in a positive manner all along. This is a good read for every dog owner, especially those who have kids.
May 25, 2024
In “Tender Paws,” Sunshine presents a revolutionary dog training approach that leverages her child development expertise to build strong bonds between humans and their canine companions.
Sunshine’s journey began with her first rescue puppy, who proved to be a challenging case for conventional training techniques. Utilizing principles she had learned while working with experts in child development, she was able to transform her relationship with her difficult pup. The book highlights parallels between human and canine behavior, attachment styles, trauma histories, and parenting techniques to develop a mindful approach to pet parenting, exploring how parenting strategies can address dog behavior issues and foster compassion and understanding.
She advocates for a positive and empathetic approach to dog training, emphasizing understanding and addressing each dog’s individual needs. By treating them as autonomous beings with distinct needs and strengths, it promotes a personalized approach to training and care, fostering empathy, patience, and deeper connections between humans and their furry companions.
The book also delves into emotional regulation and self-reflection, urging readers to be mindful of their emotional reactions and biases. Sunshine’s compassionate approach and emphasis on positive reinforcement make this book a must-have for every dog owner. A heartfelt and insightful exploration of the human-dog relationship; absolutely mind-blowing.
Sunshine’s journey began with her first rescue puppy, who proved to be a challenging case for conventional training techniques. Utilizing principles she had learned while working with experts in child development, she was able to transform her relationship with her difficult pup. The book highlights parallels between human and canine behavior, attachment styles, trauma histories, and parenting techniques to develop a mindful approach to pet parenting, exploring how parenting strategies can address dog behavior issues and foster compassion and understanding.
She advocates for a positive and empathetic approach to dog training, emphasizing understanding and addressing each dog’s individual needs. By treating them as autonomous beings with distinct needs and strengths, it promotes a personalized approach to training and care, fostering empathy, patience, and deeper connections between humans and their furry companions.
The book also delves into emotional regulation and self-reflection, urging readers to be mindful of their emotional reactions and biases. Sunshine’s compassionate approach and emphasis on positive reinforcement make this book a must-have for every dog owner. A heartfelt and insightful exploration of the human-dog relationship; absolutely mind-blowing.
November 19, 2024
I am grateful to have received an arc copy of Tender Paws by Wendy Lyons Sunshine.
This book is easy to read, relatable in many cases and easy to apply in life to help make your life with your dog better. It gives many comparisons to children as situations can be very similar esp with how to deal with them.
I liked the input from the experts as their stories were told. Some things you may already apply in your life, while some might make you wonder why you hadn’t thought of that before. Sometimes you just have to work with your dog to find the best way that works for them. Trial and error.
One statement or quote in the book that I really liked was, when disciplining, it is not necessary to use a hammer when a tweezer is all that is needed. May not be the exact quote but it is my interpretation. I think sometimes in our society, we go too hard with everything when we really don’t have to. Being kind and patient will get you further.
I made a copy of the HEARTS chart and am implementing that everyday. It is very helpful.
This book came at the right time when I was looking for a book to help our girl communicate with us better. I definitely recommend this book to anyone who has furkids, to not only help communication between you but also make life better.
This book is easy to read, relatable in many cases and easy to apply in life to help make your life with your dog better. It gives many comparisons to children as situations can be very similar esp with how to deal with them.
I liked the input from the experts as their stories were told. Some things you may already apply in your life, while some might make you wonder why you hadn’t thought of that before. Sometimes you just have to work with your dog to find the best way that works for them. Trial and error.
One statement or quote in the book that I really liked was, when disciplining, it is not necessary to use a hammer when a tweezer is all that is needed. May not be the exact quote but it is my interpretation. I think sometimes in our society, we go too hard with everything when we really don’t have to. Being kind and patient will get you further.
I made a copy of the HEARTS chart and am implementing that everyday. It is very helpful.
This book came at the right time when I was looking for a book to help our girl communicate with us better. I definitely recommend this book to anyone who has furkids, to not only help communication between you but also make life better.
June 22, 2024
Tender Paws is unique in a marketplace overflowing with books, blogs, and videos about dog-human relationships, from canine behavior and obedience training, to bringing a puppy home. In these, most of the emphasis is on controlling our dogs once they have taken up residence.
Tender Paws has a very different, heart-based message: understand the optimal human-dog relationship. Rather than ask, “who made what mistake,” it takes on the “big one”: how to relate to a dog with consideration of natural stages of development and research informed practices.
The author, Wendy Lyons Sunshine, focuses on the wellbeing of all concerned, resulting in relationships grounded in love, mutual regard, loyalty, and play. By transforming the human-dog connection, we may learn to change the way Earth’s inhabitants relate to one another – with respect, compassion, fun, and tenderness.
Catherine Stenzel
Tears for the Samurai, author
Service Team Partner with German Shepherd, Willa
and with Sheltie, Sancho, All-Around Great Friend
Tender Paws has a very different, heart-based message: understand the optimal human-dog relationship. Rather than ask, “who made what mistake,” it takes on the “big one”: how to relate to a dog with consideration of natural stages of development and research informed practices.
The author, Wendy Lyons Sunshine, focuses on the wellbeing of all concerned, resulting in relationships grounded in love, mutual regard, loyalty, and play. By transforming the human-dog connection, we may learn to change the way Earth’s inhabitants relate to one another – with respect, compassion, fun, and tenderness.
Catherine Stenzel
Tears for the Samurai, author
Service Team Partner with German Shepherd, Willa
and with Sheltie, Sancho, All-Around Great Friend
September 22, 2024
I couldn’t get into this book. The advice didn’t resonate with me probably. If you’re looking for advice on your dog and want to approach the relationship the same as you would with your kids, this is a good book for you. It had the feel of a toddler parenting book, which was okay but it just didn’t jive with me. And a lot of the advice is geared toward someone who has brought a puppy home, so this definitely didn’t work for me as an owner of adult dogs, which can be harder to train. Some of mine are just too stubborn, lol. I was given a copy of this book for free. All opinions are my own.
June 23, 2025
What a great book! The author. Wendy Lyons Sunshine, is a child development author and she
applies similar techniques to use to help our beloved pets thrive, grow and to be happy. Well
written and easy and fun to read with good suggestions and side stories that provide concise
examples from other people's (and dog's) experiences. If you train dogs, are thinking about
getting a dog,already have one, or just love dogs, this book is a MUST READ. Not only does it
benefit dogs' behavior, it will also positively benefit your behavior towards animals (and towards
people as well).
applies similar techniques to use to help our beloved pets thrive, grow and to be happy. Well
written and easy and fun to read with good suggestions and side stories that provide concise
examples from other people's (and dog's) experiences. If you train dogs, are thinking about
getting a dog,already have one, or just love dogs, this book is a MUST READ. Not only does it
benefit dogs' behavior, it will also positively benefit your behavior towards animals (and towards
people as well).
November 29, 2024
I appreciate the way Wendy approaches dog training, especially with the perspective of respecting the dog, their space and their emotions. For too long, we have looked at our dogs as a being that needed to be dominated. I hope there's a shift soon and then "balanced" or punishment-based training can go the way of the dodo bird.
Displaying 1 - 9 of 9 reviews