To the Gorge: Running, Grief, and Resilience & 460 Miles on the Pacific Crest Trail

by Emily Halnon

A riveting narrative of love and loss, grief and joy, as one woman embarks on a quest for a fastest known time on the Pacific Crest Trail. When Emily Halnon lost her beloved mother to a rare uterine cancer at just 66 years old, she wanted to do something epic to honor the person her mother had adventurous, fearless, inspiring. Emily’s mom had taken up running in her late 40s; she ran her first marathon at 50. She learned to swim at 60 so she could do triathlons, and she did long bike rides even after she was diagnosed, still going for walks as she could in the short months from diagnosis to her death. Emily’s mom had even once jumped out of a plane. It was going to take something special to pay tribute to such a remarkable, life-loving spirit. Emily, an already accomplished ultrarunner (inspired to start running by her mother), decided to try to break the record for the Fastest Known Time by a woman, running the Pacific Crest Trail’s 460 miles across Oregon. As she laid out plans for her run she began to Could she also break the men’s record? To the Gorge takes the reader through those 7 days, 19 hours, and 23 minutes, covering nearly 60 miles a day on foot over mountainous terrain, and battling all the issues that could arise during such a monstrous hammered muscles, golf ball-sized blisters, sleep deprivation, hallucinations, cougar encounters. The hardest run of her life while she simultaneously battled through the profound grief of losing her living inspiration and best friend. Interwoven with Halnon’s eight-day effort are her remembrances from her mother’s life and death, exploring the complicated experience of grief—and what shines through it. To the Gorge will resonate with anyone whom life has hit with a hardball and who has had to dig deep as they wonder how they will get through it. Filled with adventure and heart, To the Gorge invites readers to consider what our greatest losses have to teach us about how to live the one life we get.

Genres: Memoir, Nonfiction, Audiobook, Sports, Nature, Adventure, Autobiography

223 pages, Kindle Edition

Published May 7, 2024

About the author

Emily Halnon is a writer, trail runner, and mountain athlete out of Eugene, Oregon. Some of her most notable runs include setting the FKT on the 460-mile Oregon PCT, placing in the top 10 at the Hardrock Hundred Mile Endurance Run, and finishing 100 milers across the Cascades, Siskiyous, and San Juans. Emily’s writing, which often explores the intersection of running and the human experience, has been published in outlets including the Washington Post, the Guardian, Salon, CNN, Runner’s World, Trail Runner Magazine, and Adventure Journal.

Reviews

[Jessica · Rating 5 out of 5]

I’d give this book 100 stars if I could. It is so very good / so very sad / so very inspiring in so many ways. Having lost my own mom to cancer in my mid-30s, like Emily, and being a long time endurance athlete, like Emily, and being raised and loved by a brave and wholehearted mom, just like Emily, this book resonated so deeply and strongly with me. I followed Emily’s FKT attempt on the PCT in real time back in 2020, donated to her fundraiser for Brave like Gabe, and voraciously read her updates during her 8 days on the trail - I could not get enough and was so excited for and proud of her (a person I’ve never met but feel so connected to!) when she achieved her monstrous goal. The minute I heard she was writing this book, I couldn’t wait to get my hands on it (and my sister-in-law pre-ordered it for me for Christmas). The minute I received it, I couldn’t put it down and it was a powerful read from cover to cover. You do not have to be a runner or a motherless daughter (or a dog lover!) to appreciate this book - there are so many amazing takeaways for everyone. I loved it and will be listening to the audio version (read by Emily) once it’s available. Add it to your TBR if it’s not already there!

[Meaghan · Rating 5 out of 5]

I preordered this book months ago. Before my dad died. I will always read a running book, but I couldn’t have foreseen how this book would feel as I sit in my own grief. Emily Halnon is a beautiful writer and honors her mother’s legacy beautifully. My heart breaks for her and her brother; how much loss can people endure? Its unfair. But the book is beautiful. The running community is second to none. It’s a book about running but it’s a book about love, family and loss. Thank you Emily for sharing your heart so openly.

[Colleen]

"The trailhead is a gyrating wall of sequins, feathers, and metallic silver."

For a book about running and grief, there is a surprising amount of sequins, feathers, and metallic silver. And gyrating. And that's why I love Halnon's storytelling. I've been following Halnon's running adventures for years via her blog and social media, and I've always loved how her writing, and her adventures, are full of grit and joy. TO THE GORGE is a beautiful example of Halnon's ability to weave together the pain and beauty of being human.

[Scott Kummer · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is basically three amazing stories in one. Grief and loss, tied with ultra achievement and the love of dogs. Amazing stuff. Great storytelling and great writing.

[Laurie · Rating 4 out of 5]

4.5 Very inspiring. The author tells of running 460 miles across Oregon while processing the grief of losing her mother.

[CatReader · Rating 3 out of 5]

Similar to Cheryl Strayed in Wild: From Lost to Found on the Pacific Crest Trail, Emily Halnon's memoir To the Gorge is a story of sublimating grief over the loss of loved ones through a physically onerous trek on the Pacific Crest Trail (PCT). Over the course of around a year, Halnon's mother, her dog, and her sister-in-law all died of cancer -- her memoir explores each loss in depth through many flashbacks where Halnon's emotional pain is palpable. After their deaths, Halnon decides to run across the state of Oregon along the PCT to raise money for rare cancer research and also attempt a speed record on the course. Unlike Strayed who arrived at the PCT green and unprepared, Halnon is a seasoned athlete and ultramarathon runner and sets off with a community of close friends who pace her, feed her, and sustain her during her physically arduous quest. Her memoir juxtaposes her immense endurance and pushing through the physical and psychological pain of long distance running with heartbreaking stories of her emotional grief over her many losses. As a reader, this book felt extremely raw and confronting - I can't really say I enjoyed reading it as the subject matter was so tragic (quite the contrary - this was a very hard book for me to get through), but I empathized with Halnon and hope this writing process as well as her continued endurance running help her in her grief journey.

My statistics:
Book 217 for 2024
Book 1820 cumulatively

[Jasper · Rating 4 out of 5]

There's a felt sense in this memoir that the author has done really authentic and hard introspection. (I know that's kind of the point of the book but I have read other memoirs with seemingly similar themes where it does not feel like the author has gone very deep at all! Not the case here.) Well written and compelling.

[Rosie · Rating 3 out of 5]

Overall a decent read. I feel like the author actually really hit her literary stride toward the end when she explored the idea of living in a world so full of grief but at the same time there can exist immense joy. I appreciate how her epic run was a tribute to her mother and she talks honestly about the challenges she faced in this big run. I felt a bit of her privilege when she somehow has a physical therapist who shows up to help her with pains and such. And I never found a run club quite like the one she seemed to find that has an actual group comraderie rather than a bunch of small pre-existing cliques. My own grumpy jealousies aside, it was a lovely read exploring grief, loss and running.

[Curtis Trueblood · Rating 5 out of 5]

Listened with misty eyes and finished in tears. Not only is the story all too relatable but it's wildly refreshing to hear a more wholesome and communal story in the slightly agro collection of ultra books

[Barb Ruess · Rating 5 out of 5]

I feel parts of this story in my core - the desire to push our limits, the blessing in the ability to “choose our suffering,” and to live the life we have to the fullest.

I’m not exactly inspired enough to go run 460 miles on the PCT lol… but it is a good inspiration to not be afraid to latch onto a new goal. Loved it!!

Side note: I found this book in an adorable bookstore in Sisters Oregon - when I visit an independent bookstore in a new place I try to find something written by a local/regional author. I find some of the best reads that way.

[Michaela · Rating 5 out of 5]

Read this book and tell me running isn't romantic. Whenever people call me crazy for running so much(I don't even run that much compared to Emily) I am going to point them to this book and tell them it's more than just running to me.
Emily is such a good writer and my heart broke multiple times for her and her family.

[Mary Claire D'Arrigo · Rating 5 out of 5]

I was totally unsure what to expect with this one…but it was so many things~~~ beautiful//tragic//inspiring//resilient

[Ali the cat · Rating 5 out of 5]

wow the author details how she runs 460 miles across the oregon coast, attempting to break the record, to honor her mother who passed from cancer.
listening to the power of her will was so inspiring!
the story also had pockets of very visceral grief, that i wasn’t expecting. def rec :)

[Amy · Rating 5 out of 5]

This would have been hard to read at any time, because it is so open and raw. Reading it at a time when I'm already raw from grief and loss just made it hit that much harder. Sobbing while reading. But I'm so glad I did. I've been following Emily's journey since her Ironman/blogging days, and even though I knew on a high level all of these things that happened, reading her words and details.. just ripped my heart open. Especially Brutus. And within all of that grief and sadness, a truly inspiring ultrarunning journey, which would have been fascinating to read about just on its own, but which was made so much more meaningful as it was framed.

[Stuhr Outlaw · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book made me miss my mom 💔 loss and grief are so hard, but this book gave me a new perspective on it.

[Rébecca Dubé · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is well written and gets you through All emotions

[Alison Roth · Rating 3 out of 5]

Emily is a beautiful writer and this book was a heartfelt expression of grief and tribute to her late mother. That’s why I feel like a jerk not giving it 5 stars!

However, I struggled a bit to relate to the memoir, even as a lifelong distance runner (not an ultra runner TBF). Being able to accomplish a huge challenge like this is truly a privilege that requires massive amounts of time (training, racing, gear acquisition, etc.), money, health, travel, and support from friends and family. It is not a realistic feat for 99.99% of people suffering with grief from losing a loved one. Because of that I struggled to get through the book. This book might be relatable for people who are serious ultra runners who have the means to train, travel, and take time off work and parenting to accomplish a lifelong dream - otherwise it feels like a faraway dream to be able to pay tribute to a parent this way.

[Caitlin]

I have been fortunate to never know grief this deeply or personally. Halnon’s depiction of her relationship with her mother and brother felt so beautifully intimate and deeply full of love. I can see myself turning to this story again in my own future times of emotional duress, and I will be recommending it to my friends that I know it will help. It is a great reminder of the duality of life, full of joy and pain, and transcends the realm of grieving the loss of a loved one.

While I wish the story was a bit more flushed out, it well reflected the flurry and speed at which she completed the challenge and the rapid rate at which her mom went from healthy to sick. I love running, I love oregon, and I love the outdoor community. I can’t wait to see what she writes next.

[Ja · Rating 3 out of 5]

When Emily Halnon suffers the loss of her mother and sister-in-law to cancer, as well as the loss of her dog, grief threatens to overtake her. After lots of reflection, she decides to go on personal journey by running the Pacific Coast Trail in the state of Oregon as a means of raising money for cancer research and a way to honor her mom's love of running. As a memoir, this was a touching and often difficult read, as everyone's own personal story is unique. As a book, however, this wasn't quite as impactful as I thought I would be. The story alternates timelines between her running journey and her sense of loss and grief as her mom finds out she has cancer and the battle she goes through. The back and forth of timelines is what made it difficult for me to really appreciate any one storyline.

[Lindsay Russo · Rating 5 out of 5]

Emily Halnon has been one of my favorite writers for years in a multitude of formats, but I was almost afraid to read this when my pre-order arrived having lost my own mom six months ago. This is both a memoir and a rallying cry, examining the wildly unfair amount of loss she and her brother endured in a short amount of time alongside the wildly amazing record-breaking run she did across the state of Oregon’s PCT. This book was only going in one direction and, even though I came in knowing the ending, its raw truth and beautiful language about awful things did what I think it was meant to do: I cried and I got angry and I was also wildly inspired by Halnon and her stunning mother to go find joy and adventures and hard things alongside my grief. Definitely one I’ll go back to again and again.

[Mary teacher · Rating 4 out of 5]

Slow start for me because this story brings to light two areas of life that are not fun to revisit— falling out of the habit of running and the loss of a parent. Halnon grew up in the town where I teach and one of the English teachers brought this book to my attention. Memoir is a strong genre for me as I look for advice and insights in the lives of others. While half of the text is set in Oregon, the other half surprisingly happened in my own back yard. Halnon is an exquisite story teller and her words began to speak to me, until they wailed, and reverberated… and inspired.

[Erin Nielsen · Rating 5 out of 5]

Heartbreaking beautiful and inspiration book. I love any story at the intersection of pushing your limits and the human experience. As a distance runner and person who feels deeply; this book was immensely resonating. A reminder to dig deep and in how our greatest losses and struggles can teach us how to truly live.

[Megan O’Keefe · Rating 5 out of 5]

“The same world that thrusts us into the darkest pain is also swimming with the most powerful love. And maybe that’s why we keep going, when it feels like we can’t take another step.”

Ugh this book wrecked me. Emily so beautifully juxtaposes her grief over the loss of her mom to cancer and her FKT run on the Oregon PCT. Highly recommend—just be ready to shed a few tears…okay maybe lots of tears.

[Audrey Blankenship · Rating 5 out of 5]

You know those movies you pick to watch when you need a good cry? This book is exactly the same. It’s beautifully written and the most wonderful tribute to Emily’s mom. It’ll inspire you to plan your next big adventure and dream big, even when in the messy middle of life.

[Julie · Rating 4 out of 5]

This was a fascinating account of Emily Halnon's record-breaking run across the Oregon section of the Pacific Crest Trail, but it is so much more. She did the run in honor of her mother, who had recently died from a rare cancer, so the narrative goes back and forth between the actual run and the progression of her mother's disease. Such a very sad story, but full of resilience, too.

Emily Halnon narrated her book, and it was perfect listening for my husband and me on the drive home from vacation, coincidentally across Oregon and Washington, Ashland to Seattle.

[Don · Rating 5 out of 5]

I just couldn’t put this book down! I’m a fortunate 76 year old runner who has read two fantastic books recently. This is one while the other is The Good Life. There is overlap between the two. To the Gorge expands the notion of the importance of relationships and thus dovetails with The Good Life which keys in on relationships. I plan on giving To the Gorge a second read with the addition of deeper reflection. Hopefully I will gain even more than I did on the first read!

[Erica · Rating 5 out of 5]

Beautiful, vulnerable, filled with so much love and grief.

[Rebecca Tredway · Rating 4 out of 5]

So good. All the feels. Nothing like a cathartic cry on the 4th of July? lol

[Kelsey Simms · Rating 5 out of 5]

listened on audiobook - great listen about grief fueling determination. Highly recommend!

[Valentina C · Rating 5 out of 5]

So beautiful so raw so vulnerable and so inspiring. So many tears