Complicit: How Our Culture Enables Misbehaving Men

by Reah Bravo

A thoroughly researched and deeply personal examination of how we unintentionally condone workplace abuse in a post-#MeToo world and what we can do to affect positive change.When Reah Bravo was hired to work on the Charlie Rose show, the open secret of Rose’s behavior toward women didn’t deter her from pursuing a position she felt could launch her career in broadcast journalism. She believed herself more than capable of handling any unprofessional behavior that might come her way. But she soon learned a devastating no one can accurately predict how they will respond in an abusive situation until they are in it. In a post-#MeToo world, where many corporations mandate trainings to prevent misconduct, how do abusers continue to victimize their colleagues? When we live in a society where many feminist ideals are mainstream and women make up a significant percentage of the workforce, why is gender harassment more prevalent than ever? Weaving her own experiences with insights from experts and other survivors, Bravo eloquently reveals the psychological and cultural forces that make us all enablers of a sexist and dangerous status quo. Combining the latest in-depth research and enlightening commentary, Complicit shines a light on the prevalence of professional misconduct and charts an accessible path towards real positive change.

Genres: Nonfiction, Feminism, Psychology, Womens, Social Justice, Sociology, Gender Studies

249 pages, Kindle Edition

First published June 18, 2024

Reviews

[CatReader · Rating 4 out of 5]

Reah Bravo worked as a PBS unpaid intern, then a producer, for American journalist and talk show host Charlie Rose during the 2000s; during the #metoo movement in 2017, Bravo was one of the women who came forward accusing Rose of sexual misconduct, which led to Rose's termination from his major network contracts. In Complicit, Bravo takes a provocative, nuanced exploration of why women often don't speak up (in the moment, or ever) in situations of unwanted sexual advances in professional settings. She reflects on why she, like many women, unwittingly find themselves in these situations:

In my own experience and that of many women, tending to the emotional state of our male bosses—be it with smiles, a sympathetic ear, or the indulging of their humor—wasn’t listed in our job description, but it was expected of us nonetheless. It was a playful, sensitive, feminine kind of companionship, and a defining element of our daily drudge. It introduced itself bit by bit, increasingly pushing boundaries, making us ever more vulnerable and in some cases priming us for abuse.

And why it took her years to acknowledge to herself what had happened:

To laugh at a sexual encounter is to confirm its insignificance. Years later, I would talk about Charlie’s advances with a similar self-deprecating humor to a couple of my close friends. I needed to acknowledge what was going on, and the only way I knew how was to ignore the darker elements of my story, as well as all the times I had cried alone, and to instead frame things in terms of a pervy old broadcaster I comically found myself putting up with.

And why so many find the cost too great to speak out:

I’d given far too much to my professional pursuit to open myself up to an even uglier story. And if I felt that way, a year into an internship that was landing me a job early in my career, what about the woman who’s spent the entirety of her adulthood in pursuit of becoming a cardiac surgeon and finally completed her fifteen years of required medical training? Or the lawyer whose career objective was set when he first cracked open an LSAT prep book, then went $200,000 into law school debt, then landed the prized clerkship, yet still had to rely on a family friend’s connections to get his foot in the door at an elite law firm? Or what about pretty much anyone who has stayed an exhausting, thankless course on their career path, holding out because they’re finally within reach of the job title they believe will justify all the personal sacrifices they’ve made along the way? Within this larger picture of personal dedication and drudgery, professional misconduct registers as insignificant and certainly not worth the risk of speaking out about. This is how workism becomes more than an ethos: it can be a sunk cost to which we are so firmly anchored that we would never consider stirring the waters.

While the book has memoiristic elements, Bravo does include many stories of other women who've spoken out (or not) about sexual misconduct against people inside or outside of the public eye. She also explores race and generational issues that influence attitudes and standing to report these abuses. Given Bravo's own experiences, I was impressed by her ability to reach beyond her own experience and gather historical and social perspectives on this issue - I'm glad this wasn't strictly a memoir.

Further reading:
Consent: A Memoir of Unwanted Attention by Donna Freitas
Notes on a Silencing: A Memoir by Lacy Crawford
What Is a Girl Worth?: My Story of Breaking the Silence and Exposing the Truth about Larry Nassar and USA Gymnastics by Rachael Denhollander
She Said: Breaking the Sexual Harassment Story That Helped Ignite a Movement by Jodi Cantor and Megan Twohey
Catch and Kill: Lies, Spies, and a Conspiracy to Protect Predators by Ronan Farrow

My statistics:
Book 201 for 2024
Book 1804 cumulatively

[Gary Knapton · Rating 5 out of 5]

My fellow Generation X men, join me in reading this book and honesty ruthlessly see our outdated prejudicial values system as a back drop to our sub-OK atomic behaviours, even though they are well meaning. Even if they are nuanced and minimal. Even if, at times, they are not. Understand how this happened and then, from a point of non-self and higher value in our common unity, join this courageous woman by virtue of her insightful, academic and candid yet uplifting critique. All players are complicit. So imagine and ruthlessly play a part in complicity disrupted. Right the story of contemporary reality by re-writing the stories of our potential. A woman leading the MeToo complicity confessional is as cool as traditional hetero-cisgender unit families turning up at Gay Pride (which happens in numbers in Brighton, UK) and white men taking the knee. This is what we need. Inspiring. Thanks Reah.

[Cam Scali · Rating 3 out of 5]

I did not like the centering of white, cis-gender, mostly wealthy/privileged white women in this book. Despite the author’s acknowledgment and explanation for this being the case, I felt there was more room for discussions of how the topics within the book disproportionately impact people of color. I also think there was a significant lack of discussion surrounding men of color and the roles they play in our western patriarchal society, along with how they are harmed within this society.
That being said, I think there was a very delicate balance in defining how women & gender minorities are complicit in supporting patriarchal abuse within systems without victim-blaming. I think this balance was maintained well throughout the book and it has left me with a lot to think about in terms of micro-feminism and the ways in which I, even subconsciously, uphold patriarchal/abusive/oppressive narratives in my daily life. It has redefined complicity and forced me to take a greater look at my implicit biases surrounding women and nonbinary people in our country.

[Caroline · Rating 5 out of 5]

Insightful and compelling, Bravo weaves together extensive research with personal experience and reflection to illuminate something new about harassment and bad behavior.

[Helen · Rating 5 out of 5]

this book altered my brain chemistry and everyone should read it

[Barb · Rating 3 out of 5]

I am still thinking about this book…. It was a hard read about sexual assault, women being “complicit” in the events, patriarchy, white supremacy. I don’t know how much I am buying the “because we were raised this way and I really needed the job on my resume for my future career” so I let him grope, abuse, and torture me and I feel bad about his hurt feelings. I think the #MeToo movement for white women was completely different from what Tarana Burke started in the anger in the raping of young black girls. Awareness is raised in both but has anything changed? Are the perps in prison? Do they recognize what they have done and continue to do? We need a manual in how to respond when in these situations because how women are being treated is ridiculous. Yes, being shocked is a very real response, but when he comes at you again, you need to be ready. But again, we are so ingrained in this shit. Time for a revolution and I really don’t think we should be nice about it.

[Ava Roth · Rating 5 out of 5]

Wow, just wow. There is so much I could say about this book and what I learned, yet I would not be able to do it the justice it deserves.

I highly recommend this book, especially in today’s society.

[alexis berry · Rating 5 out of 5]

NEEDED to read this book at this very point in my life. Gave me a lot of language and context that up until now, I wasn’t able to put into words.

[Narise · Rating 4 out of 5]

This was a super informative and thorough examination of factors that continue to drive sexual misconduct among men in power. I thought the author expertly weaved in analyses of her personal experiences, and the experiences of other women she knew, with expert research. I found that any topic that could be linked to the prevalence of sexual harassment, such as the patriarchy and white supremacy, was explored in depth. The book was limited by its focus on white womanhood, and the author acknowledged this at several times. However, I thought that instead of just acknowledging this, the author could have instead addressed this shortcoming by interviewing women of color or featuring chapters written by them as well.

[Sanjana Dey · Rating 4 out of 5]

Makes you wonder how many times you yourself were complicit as an individual as well as a society.

Victim blaming is something we do very subconsiously, and we all do.

The perscpective is majorly for white cisgender females, but most concepts hold widely for all.

[George · Rating 3 out of 5]

Interesting read

[Ruthie · Rating 5 out of 5]

Life transforming book! Change happens when we all work on ourselves and are determined and dedicated to see where we fall short!!

[Savana Brakeman · Rating 1 out of 5]

I think this book would have been better for someone that didn’t understand the #MeToo movement, or perhaps for someone that doesn’t understand how misogyny works. Very boring read for me

[Book Shark · Rating 4 out of 5]

Complicit: How Our Culture Enables Misbehaving Men by Reah Bravo

“Complicit” a well researched book that examines how our culture has condoned bad behavior. American speechwriter and author Reah Bravo shares her personal experiences with sexual harassment (Charlie Rose) and how we humans react to abusive situations. This eye-opening 256-page book includes the following seven chapters: 1. The High Price of Our Free Will, 2. The Harm in Harmonizing, 3. The Myth of Who We Are, 4. Consent Contextualized, 5. Foot Soldiering in Stilettos, 6. Show No Weakness, and 7. It’s Time We Talk About Narcissism.

Positives:
1. A thoroughly researched book.
2. A captivating topic, how our culture enables complicit behavior.
3. The type of writing style that I enjoy, strong opinions backed by strong scientific research. Bravo throughout the book backs her statements with scientific research while acknowledging her own shortcomings. She’s candid and reasonable t
4. The Introduction sets the tone of the book. “As this book will examine, our actions—as well as our inaction—are powerfully driven by social context.”
5. Each chapter of the book examines an inconvenient truth that needs to be confronted before we can properly address our complicity in sexual misconduct.
6. Statements that resonate. Bravo provides many statements with conviction. “What makes our culture so potently hostile to women is that it’s more than sexist; it’s extremely individualistic. Despite gender inequality—as well as racial and economic inequality—people are assumed to be where they are based on the fortitude of their individual character far more than the reality of their circumstances.”
7. Examines hypotheses. “From this insight, he developed what’s called the “just-world hypothesis,” a tendency to believe that people get more or less what they deserve in a world that’s essentially orderly and fair.”
8. A look at the cause of sexual misconduct. “Regardless of what we might think of Chappelle’s rant or his views on sexual misconduct, we all tend to interpret people’s behavior as something done with mindful intention and not out of situational necessity—as a reflection of a person’s character and not their circumstances. It’s a cognitive bias that permeates our understanding of others as we constantly make what psychologists call “dispositional inferences” about why people do what they do.”
9. Reveals interesting findings. “According to a World Values Survey, we’re also much more judgmental of the poor than our European counterparts: 60 percent of Americans believed that the poor are lazy; 26 percent of Europeans believed the same. Conversely, 60 percent of Europeans believed that the poor are trapped in poverty, while 29 percent of Americans believed the same.”
10. Why we tend to harmonize. “That they allowed the torture to continue speaks to the extreme to which we do what’s expected of us. Professional success most often demands heeding authority and going along with established norms. Especially in hierarchical workplaces, we harmonize because nobody wants to make things harder or more complicated than necessary for their group. Expectations are also straightforward, whereas, by comparison, pushing back is muddled by uncertainty and fears of tribal exclusion.”
11. Interesting views on why tolerate abuse. “Our abuse gets complicated by an unshakable need to protect the feelings of our abusers, regardless of how irrational and counterproductive we know this is.”
12. A look at complicity itself. “Our complicity is found in the gap between the reality of our behavior and who we believe ourselves to be—and that latter person is a myth.”
13. A look at how we derive our sense of self. “The answer is that our culture and its narratives do the bulk of the work for us, ensnaring us in a web of instructions for how to be an acceptable person: how to behave, what to look like, and what to want.”
14. Examines why women protect male egos. “Particularly in the beginning of my experience with Charlie, I provided him with exactly the cheerfulness and receptivity he wanted while framing it as my own choice—my own power. It wasn’t what I wanted to be doing, but it came naturally and felt wiser and safer than shutting things down.”
15. Bravo discusses many well-known cases of sexual harassment. “When a New York jury convicted Harvey Weinstein in 2020 of two felony sex crimes—crimes committed against women who also acknowledged having had consensual sex with him and having maintained relations on friendly terms after their assaults—it was a watershed moment indicating that our legal institutions could account for the narrative complexity of both consent and victimhood. We deserve to extend that same awareness, indeed compassion, to ourselves.”
16. Examines whiteness. “Whiteness is our society’s default racial identity, which grants white women the creative license, indeed the privilege, to be unique individuals—unlike Black women, Latino women, Asian women, and other women of color, who are lumped together and depicted in broad, general terms.”
17. Examines workplace abuse. “There is a physiological component to our vulnerability, whether it’s sexual misconduct or other workplace abuse, and it’s exacerbated by our belief that a good worker is an overworked worker.”
18. The overworked American. “Today, we Americans spend far more time working than people in other countries of similar size and productivity—working roughly ten weeks more a year than our German counterparts, and about 25 percent more hours a year than those in the Netherlands and Norway.”
19. Examines narcissism. “A narcissist can’t help but think they have the power to drive not just the narrative but the reality.”
20. The need to be proactive against the patriarchy. “Let’s take every opportunity we can to call out our patriarchal narratives and their harm.”

Negatives:
1. Lack of charts and graphs to compliment the excellent narrative.
2. No formal bibliography. Oh and this book warranted one.

In summary, Reah Bravo does a wonderful job of calling out the patriarchy and supporting her views with countless examples of research. Once again, this is the kind of writing style that is appealing to me: real-life experiences, strong opinions backed by scientific research. Bravo does all that and then some. She writes with conviction, it’s captivating, provocative a page turner. I recommend it.

Further recommendations: “The Creation of Patriarchy” by Gerda Lerner, “A Brief History of Misogyny” by Jack Holland, “Patriarchy Stress Disorder” by Valerie Rein, PhD, “Backlash: The Undeclared War Against Women” by Susan Faludi, “Emotional Labor” by Rose Hackman, “Unbound: My Story of Liberation and the Birth of the Me Too Movement” by Tarana Burke, “On Homecoming and Belonging” Sebastian Junger, “Humankind: A Hopeful History” by Rutger Bregman, “Willful Blindness” by Margaret Heffernan, “Intelligent Disobedience” by Ira Chaleff, “The Generation Myth” by Bobby Duffy, and “White Fragility” by Dr. Robin DiAngelo.

[Donte Sumpter · Rating 5 out of 5]

Complicit by Reah Bravo

“Any system of oppression must allow exceptions to validate itself as meritorious” (p. 128).

Review

I am grateful for Reah Bravo’s work because her challenge to patriarchal norms extends beyond abstract theory and into the everyday realities of workplaces, institutions, and social life. While Complicit speaks directly to gendered power structures, its insights are broadly applicable to the ways communities learn to survive within—and often unconsciously uphold—oppressive systems.

Several chapters stood out to me in particular.


The Harm in Harmonizing

Paraphrastically, Bravo exposes the hidden harm of connection forged through trauma bonding. While war, abuse, and shared suffering can produce personal growth and resilience, trauma bonds often compel individuals to remain together at all costs—enduring rather than questioning. What emerges is an insider bond that resists challenging established norms. Instead of fostering ethical reflection, the group leans inward for strength, mistaking survival for virtue. Grit, in this context, becomes a quiet endurance that prioritizes cohesion over conscience, finding ways to persist rather than confronting what must be changed.

Show No Weakness

As a male reader, this chapter allowed me to reflect on how patriarchy’s destructive reach affects society as a whole. Ideals of male strength, resilience, and grit are often praised yet rarely interrogated. As Bravo notes, “This worship of toughness drives our complicity” (p. 145). Strength becomes synonymous with silence, and endurance is mistaken for moral courage.

Closing Reflection

One of the strongest attributes of Complicit is that Bravo does not challenge patriarchy for the sake of a matriarchal uprising. She does not portray feminism as a mob of women with pitchforks intent on destroying men. This restraint is especially evident in her critique of the Barbie movie, where she resists simplistic reversals of power. Bravo writes, “Namely matriarchal societies are not the inverse of patriarchal ones” (p. 194). She then quotes renowned anthropologist Peggy Reeves Sanday: “In answer to my persistent questions about ‘who rules,’ I was often told that I was asking the wrong question. Neither sex rules, it was explained to me, because males and females complement each other” (p. 194).

Complicit invites readers to reflect on the various ways women—and society more broadly—enable misbehavior in men through silence, accommodation, and survival strategies. Bravo grounds these insights in real-life examples rather than abstractions. The system she exposes is deeply corrupt and in need of reformation.

[Greyson · Rating 3 out of 5]

Capital. The problem is always capital. The root of complicity in this book is best laid out in the final few chapters, where the argument rests on careerism and "getting ahead" in an arena of forced scarcity (of jobs, prestige, etc). Bravo's lens is from the wild world of broadcasting and political journalism, which permeates the whole book. As such, it's a less thorough (or at least more targeted) approach that doesn't match the compelling holistic arguments in Kate Manne's Down Girl.

Bravo does admit as much in the intro, but the focus on privileged white women at the heart of things (without victim blaming) erases so, so much.

This passage from 3/4 of the way through is indicative:

"Rudin's office was an extreme, but it was also the perfect distillation of toughness as accolade--our culture's conflation of suffering that is senseless, demeaning, or exploitative with virtues like discipline, ambition, and commitment. This worship of toughness drives our complicity. In a neoliberal, patriarchal society likes [sic] ours, professional cruelty and exploitation offer a means to validation and deservedness while disproportionately burdening those with an additional need to prove their place, such as women and people of color. It's a reality made only more severe by the centrality of work to our own identities. We see weakness as nothing less than an existential threat."

Does this ring true to you? If so, the book is an essential read. Are you already "out" on the system at large? Take a pass.

[Nadia Love · Rating 4 out of 5]

This was very informative as someone who works in corporate in America this is a good read for women. It is so hard in this world to not get swept into the enabling of men. I can't count the times I have felt looked through or looked down on simply due to my gender when interacting with men. It becomes even worse the older the man is I have found and that seems to be the case here for the women in this book. Their stories are ones I have heard before, told by friends and colleagues. We have all fallen into the trap that we must grin and bear it in order to be taken seriously in the workplace and not be considered difficult to work with. I myself have done my fair share to appease men in certain scenarios where I have not felt safe. I do appreciate the take this book had on neo liberalism and second wave feminism. I have seen the internalized misogyny first hand from gen x women that I work with and this book really confirmed why. Although I am gen z I have boomer parents and even I was shocked when I realized the differences in how men and women are treated because I was raised to believe I could do anything and that women who hadn't had made bad choices. I think this will make me think when dealing with certain things in my work place going forward. It has also helped me be more empathetic towards older women and why they are the way the are.

[Johanna Jaworski · Rating 3 out of 5]

In "Complicit", Bravo investigates sexual harassment in professional life through the lens of how our culture enables the abuse to start and continue in the relationships between "abuser" and "victim". She goes beyond "men behave badly" to ask what is gained by allowing this behavior to continue? In other words, what are the victims getting beyond just small advantages in their careers and what does the overall society gain by keeping these systems in place?

Most interesting to me, Bravo describes ways that the culture rewards attractive, generally, white women. These women understand their (small) privilege and so do not upset the system even though they are not treated well and are not likely to have careers that surpass the abusers in their work life. Bravo acknowledges that women of color may have worse situations but it is largely not her focus.

Ultimately, I thought there was an interesting argument but no clear path presented as to where to go. How do you convince pretty white ladies to not take well-paying jobs? Not much is presented as to how to set up your workplace to fight back against abusive situation. Bravo ends her book saying she has "hope" but no vision as to what a hopeful workplace could look like.

[Fraser Sherman · Rating 4 out of 5]

Bravo argues that women are complicit, not in the sense of "she was asking for it" but because they don't push back against bad men. Which she blames primarily on elements of our culture: women should be nice (don't hurt his feelings), being a jack hole is "part of his process," the assumption this is the kind of dues-paying you have to endure to get ahead — hell, surviving a harasser like Charlie Rose (she was an intern) is an honor! Based on other stuff I've read I think she underestimates "I need this job" and "if I push back, how ugly will it get?" as motives but that doesn't invalidate her point.
Her efforts to ground this in science are bad. "Society is this way because back in the Stone Age ..." explanations are fantasy extrapolations (we have no idea what stone age life was like) and the Milgram experiments she mentions have been largely discredited. Overall, though, good.

[Ryan George · Rating 3 out of 5]

As someone who spent tens of thousands of dollars on a book and media tour confronting the evangelical culture that enables and excuses predators in positions of power, I’ve both written and consumed a lot of content about how the church handles misbehaving men. So, I was intrigued by a secular discussion of the problem; and I was surprised by some of the dots Reah Bravo connected as a victim of a famous predator. Bravo’s vulnerable disclosures explain how and why some victims absorb abuse for months or even years before finding the courage to resist, confront, and report their abusers. I appreciated that her reflections didn’t just point fingers at specific documented criminals; they shone a light on cultural norms that predators exploit.

[Chris Boutté · Rating 5 out of 5]

Reah Bravo is one of the many women who was a victim of the sexual misconduct of Charlie Rose, and this is a phenomenal book about how this is a widespread issue for women, even after the #MeToo movement’s prime. This book is so much more than stories about sexual misconduct by men in power. Reah does an incredible job tying this in with psychological research and explaining why so many people are complicit when these situations are massive open secrets.

This is a great read, and I highly suggest it. It helps the reader understand power dynamics and how different aspects of racism and other social issues make the problem even worse.

[Jennifer Taylor · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book realistically took me a long time to read. I started it last year and had to shelve it, then restarted it this year in audio format and finished it. It's very thought-provoking content, not simply in the way that women enable men - but also in the way that we enable certain behaviors in anyone of authority over us. The parallel is especially strong between say bosses and employees, as I think back over my own experiences. And being part of GenX, my experiences in the 90s really fit the examples that are talked about in this book. It's very insightful, but of course there are no real solutions so much as simply dragging some unpleasant reality into the light of day.

[Nam · Rating 3 out of 5]

lots of things to think over. i’m too dumb to summarize

personal narratives about being in control. self delusion

narcissism.

belonging. trying to fit in. work horse or show pony. emotional labor

denigrating others or creating an other so that the current status quo is acceptable

workism. showing no weakness. appearances of toughness and being able to handle it. being defined by work. being so tired that clear rational responses aren’t possible

entertainment. media portrayals. reductive storytelling

[Kerry · Rating 5 out of 5]

Complicit is an incredibly thoroughly researched and searingly honest account and exploration of society’s (and each individual’s) complicity in the bad behaviour of some men, particularly those involved in the Me Too reckoning. Reah Bravo is unflinching in her personal reflections of her experiences working for Charlie Rose. It challenges us as the reader to think hard about our own reactions and behaviours and to reflect on what we could do differently. An important read for us all.

[Maria Lewis · Rating 2 out of 5]

Very disappointing book...highly researched, but why ? Too much emphasis on personal experiences with Charlie Rose during employment there, and not enough detail on WHY women tolerate poor behavior from men! Regardless of the tedious research and notes the book isn't even a good example for a text book? No comparisons based upon generational and cultural reasons for female behaviors, no suggestions as to how to 1) empower and teach women OR 2) how to educate men

[Rolf · Rating 5 out of 5]

An excellent, thorough diagnosis of the many intersecting ways that especially workplaces structures in the US are designed to accommodate toxic masculinity. Most of the examples are from the media, which makes sense, given that is the author’s background.

There were many, many moments in this book where I was provoked to think about my own work history and my own behavior in a way I had never thought before.

[Jennifer Lillis · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book was so compelling and well-written. Bravo does an excellent job weaving her personal experiences with research to truly deepen our understanding of these complex issues. As a genX woman, I felt at times I understood my own behavior with male authority figures at work for the first time. I tore through this book and am so glad I read it!

[Paul · Rating 4 out of 5]

While not as direct and organized as many books I have read recently, Bravo’s book is valuable in providing a smorgasbord of ideas to reflect on and pursue further. Wielding the power of personal experience gives the book a strong anchor to keep returning to, and a gifted authenticity for the reader to absorb. Great read.

[Kelly Watson · Rating 4 out of 5]

I am still processing this one. I’ll come back with a review soon. In the meantime, I would absolutely recommend this book. The Me Too movement was a huge cultural reckoning. But since then, the momentum has stalled. This book is full of research and first hand accounts featuring our cultural complicity in the lack of progress since 2017. I learned so much from reading this.

[Kelly {SpaceOnTheBookcase] · Rating 5 out of 5]

Well researched and thought provoking, Bravo doesn't just share her own experiences, but she pushes the envelope on how we consume and react to these stories. A must read for all.

Thank you Gallery Books for the gifted ARC.